The Angel of Yiff Chapter 13
The Angel of Yiff Chapter 13--
Guardian Angel -- Part 4 of 4 How Strong I Am
"...and it was just later that same night when I got here to Matt's place." Riddick looked up from the edge of the bed where he was sitting now, and at Luke beside him, "The night I met you."
Luke sniffled, never having known any of that before then, but didn't say anything.
Kevin shuffled his feet, rubbing one arm slightly, "I'm so sorry, Riddick. I wish I could have been there for you..."
Riddick looked up at the red panda, "It's not your fault Kevin. You couldn't stop Mom and Mike. They were gonna' do what the fuck ever they wanted, regardless of what made either of us happy."
Kevin sighed, "I know...but I could have fought harder..." He wiped an eye, "I'm sorry..."
"Kevin...no." Riddick got up and walked over to the crying red panda, "It's not your fault. You did everything you could, Angel."
Luke looked down and closed his eyes when he heard Riddick call Kevin 'Angel.' How could he possibly be what Kevin had been? How could he be there for Riddick like that? How could he be what the panthion needed? He looked up back, staring misty eyed and silent, at the two furs.
Kevin shook his head, "I could have, Riddick. All I would have had to do was bitch at them a little more, get pissed, do SOMETHING! But...I didn't..." He looked down, "I lost you..."
"There wasn't anything either of us could have done, and you know that." Riddick lifted Kevin's chin up looked him in the eye, "Besides: look at me now! Look at how strong I am. It HAPPENED to me and I'm the only one in the room not crying." He feigned a chuckle looking around at his two crying friends, "Kevin...it's okay. I just...I thought you should know what I went through."
Kevin wiped his eyes again. He smiled weakly and nodded, placing a hand on the back of Riddick's head and pulling their foreheads together, "You ARE strong...much stronger than when you were that little black ball of fur climbing into my bed..."
Riddick smiled back and nuzzled the red panda softly, "I basically lived on my own, Kevin. I had to be." He pulled away, "But that's not all of it, either. Really...it's thanks to him." The panthion pointed over at Luke on the bed.
Luke just tightened his grip around his legs and looked away as he was mentioned.
Kevin smiled softly at the raccoon and then back at Riddick, "He reminds me of how you used to be..."
"He is..." Riddick looked back at Kevin, "Can...can you wait in the hall for a second, Angel? I'll be right out."
Kevin nodded and gave Riddick a quick hug, "Anything for you." He turned and padded out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him.
Riddick nodded thoughtfully, "Anything..." He turned and looked at the raccoon on the bed, "...Luke?"
Luke looked up and whimpered, doing his damnedest not to cry, "Y-yeah?"
The panthion walked over to Luke and sat down beside him with his arms open, "Come here Luke..."
Luke just scooted over a little, still curled up, and let the panthion wrap an arm around him.
So Riddick pulled him close against his chest himself, "Talk to me, Luke."
The raccoon whimpered again, "I'm sorry I can't be more like him...."
Riddick kissed his boyfriend on the top of his head, "I never asked you to be."
Luke buried his head into his own arm across Riddick's chest, "But you deserve someone like him. I can't...I can't give you every-" He shook his head, "I can't give you ANYthing that he can."
"You love me, don't you?"
"I do..."
"Then you can give me that." The panthion slowly laid his raccoon over on his side on the bed, and stood up, "You stay in here for a while, Luke; Dad won't make you leave. I have to go talk to Kevin, though. I can't leave him standing out there by himself...not in the middle of our little reunion."
Luke looked down and nodded, rubbing his hands together, "Okay..."
Riddick petted the raccoon's head gently and smiled, turning around to leave the room.
In the living room, Matt looked up from the couch at Chris, who just got home, "And they're in Riddick's room right now, with Kevin. I figured they could have the room to themselves this one time, despite the punishment. Don't you think?"
Chris blinked and ran a hand through his mane, "Yeah...I'd say so." He looked in the direction of the hallway and frowned, "I hope everything's okay..."
"Uhm..." The ottercoon held up a paw, like he was asking a question in a classroom, "Chris?"
"Yeah?" Chris looked back at him.
"Why aren't you freaking out?"
"About what?"
"I dunno..." Matt shrugged, "The fact that Kevin is Riddick's ex?"
"Oh!" The lion let out a short chuckle, "Because I already knew."
"You did what now?" Matt recoiled.
"I already knew!" Chris smiled his toothy grin, "I pieced it together a while back. Riddick was REALLY careful to only call him 'Angel' around me, but he went right ahead told Luke and the other boys that his name was Kevin. I guess he doesn't realize that I overhear things sometimes." He held up a finger, "Plus, Riddick told me his ex was a red panda a long time ago. Chances are it would either be Mike or Kevin...and I Mike was either a long shot or reason to call the cops."
"So then, why haven't you said anything?"
"I figured Riddick would, when he was ready."
The ottercoon rubbed his neck, "And if he never did?"
"Then he never did." Chris shrugged, "But after what happened with Sirrus, I wasn't interested in repeating that kind of drama. Kid's been through enough without me making it worse, again."
Matt smiled wryly, "So...you're okay with it?"
"I don't know..." The lion looked back at the hallway, "No? I mean...there's no blood relation, but still..." He jumped slightly, "Oh!" and stood straighter when he saw two swatches of fur -- one red & one black -- on their way down the hall, "...here they come."
Riddick stepped into the living room with Kevin's paw in his, and stopped when he saw his father. Kevin tried to pull his paw away, but Riddick held it tighter. It was too late to try hiding it now.
"Uhm...hey Dad."
Chris offered a soft smile and a nod, "Hey Riddick." He looked over at the red panda too, "Kevin...it's been a long time."
"Yeah..." Kevin was obviously uncomfortable, but didn't let go of Riddick's paw, since it's what the panthion wanted, "...it has."
Chris crossed his arms, "How are things with Mike & Drusilla?"
Kevin laughed at the nickname, "They've been better," he looked at Riddick, "but they've been worse, too." He turned back to Chris again, "Cheyenne sends her contempt."
Chris nodded politely, "Kindly return it."
"Uhm...Dad?" Riddick spoke up again.
"Yeah?"
"Luke's in my room." Riddick pointed over his shoulder with his free thumb, "...could you let him stay in there, for a while? Just for today?"
Chris nodded, "Sure thing."
Riddick tugged on Kevin's paw, "Come on, we'll talk outside..." Still holding paws, Riddick & Kevin made their way to the front door and out onto the porch, Kevin cautiously looking back at Chris the whole way.
Chris followed the two out with his eyes and then turned, leaning on the couch, "Any thoughts, Matt?"
Matt looked up, "Like what? Are you worried he'll leave with Kevin?"
"I don't know..." The lion shrugged and looked up, "...seems like things are getting a bit crazy around here, though, huh?"
Matt leaned back and put a paw behind his head, "GETTING? Where have you been for the past 10 months?"
Out on the porch, Riddick stood leaning against Kevin, just letting his face rest against his former boyfriend's chest again. The red panda rubbed his panthion's ear as the two looked up into the sky darkened sky. Riddick's story had taken so long it was evening...
"I've missed you, Angel. I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too, Kitten. You have no idea..."
Riddick nuzzled Kevin's chest, "Like hell I don't."
Kevin chuckled, and scratched at the back of Riddick's neck, smiling as he elicited a light purr from the cat, "If I remember right, you couldn't stand that I was able to make you purr. 'I'm not a housecat!' I think those were your exact words?"
The panthion moved his head around and then stood up straighter to look at Kevin, "Yeah. It doesn't bother me much anymore, though. Dad does it too."
"Purrs?" Kevin kept up the scratching, "Or makes you purr?"
"Both?" Riddick chuckled, "Depends on the situation..." He smiled and stood up straighter, to look at Kevin, then leaned down just a little to kiss the slightly shorter 18-year-old on the lips.
As he did though, the red panda brushed a paw along the cat's cheek then pulled back, making sure that it was ONLY a soft kiss.
Riddick blinked, "You pulled back..."
"You love him," Kevin kept his hand on the side of Riddick's face, "Don't you?"
The panthion sighed, "I love you both." He put his paw on Kevin's muzzle in return before his guest could say anything else, "Here Angel...sit down with me, okay?" He stepped to the edge of the porch and sat down, hanging his legs off.
Kevin sat next to the cat, lightly kicking a heel against the side of the porch.
"I love you Kevin. I think, if nothing else, I made THAT clear in there, just now, right?"
The red panda nodded, "You did."
"You did so much for me. I don't think, no matter how many times I tell you that, that you could really understand how much you did." Riddick turned his eyes back on the night sky, "You loved me when no one else did...you took care of me...you were my best friend, my brother, and even my guardian angel."
Kevin brought an arm up and wrapped it around Riddick's shoulders, rubbing the cat's arm lightly, "But...?"
The panthion leaned against him, "You always see it coming before I can say it, don't you?"
"Yeah...what can I say? I've known you for twelve years."
"But every day while you were gone...without fail...I cried myself to sleep, Kevin. I cried, because for the first time in my life, you weren't there." Riddick closed his eyes and paused, trying not to cry now, and only having held back inside because of Luke. He had to be strong for Luke, "It was so hard, Angel."
The red panda just squeezed the cat's shoulder, but said nothing for the moment and let him continue.
"And, the first time I was able to make it a night without crying...I was here..." Riddick sat up straighter and looked over the red panda's shoulder at 'The Cameron Estate.'
Kevin kept looking forward, "With Luke..."
"No." The panthion shook his head, "With my Dad. Luke came later." He looked back at Kevin, "Give me your paws and look at me, Angel." Kevin looked over, and held up a paw, and Riddick took it into his own with a breath, "I don't love him more than you...not at all. I want you to understand that."
Kevin smiled a half smile, not entirely believing that, but nodded, "Heh...but...?"
"No 'but' that time, Angel." Riddick smiled, "I just don't. It's as simple as that. There's no way I could love anyone more than you..." He looked at the house again, down, then back at Kevin, "And at the same time, there's no way I could love anyone more than him..."
The red panda just leaned in silently and kissed Riddick on the forehead.
Riddick leaned his forehead into the kiss and then leaned back, "So much of me wants to grab my things and go with you Kevin. You were everything to me for so long. When no one else cared, you did. When no one else was there, you were! But...but look at where I'm at, now, Kevin! Other people ARE here. Other people DO care..." Riddick smiled and looked back up at the house.
Kevin smiled and looked over at the house, too, "You have everything here...including your dad."
The panthion nodded, "I do. For the first time in my life I have a parent that cares about me. He loves me, he takes care of me, and he's everything that Cheyenne and Mike never were." He chuckled softly, "I kind of even have two. I mean, Matt's basically like a second dad to me, now."
Kevin nodded a little and smiled, "Yeah..."
"And I have friends here: my own friends! There's this fox and wolf couple -- Alex and Jasyn -- and even this big jock guy, named Duncan, who's been really nice to me and Luke!" Riddick smiled his toothy grin...
...and the red panda watched it spread across his face. He'd missed that grin. But every time he'd seen it before, HE was why it was there. This time was different; this time Riddick finally had other reason to be happy. It was the first time he had ever seen Riddick's life going so well.
Kevin chuckled and smiled back, "I'm happy for you, Kitten."
"But that's not all." Riddick looked down and sighed, "Luke...every time I look at him I see myself when I was younger, Angel. He's so insecure, so afraid of everything, so alone." He paused as he wringed his paws together, "His parents...his parents kicked him out when they found out he was gay. That's why he's living with us."
"Oh..." Kevin blinked and nodding, noting the similarity, "...I see."
The panthion sniffled softly, and Kevin looked up, not realizing Riddick had started to cry. He watched the cat clench his fists. It looked like a sign of anger, but Kevin knew him better than that. He was frustrated and confused.
"I don't..." Riddick shook, "I can't leave him, Kevin. I don't want him to become who I was! I can't let what happened to me, happen to him!" The cat closed his eyes and cried openly there on the porch, "He's worth so much more than that! So much more than I was! I'm not going to do that to him. I can't! Those are months of my life I spent as trash, Angel: NOTHING BUT TRASH! I let myself get used and fucked and didn't do a god-damned thing for myself!"
Kevin opened his mouth to argue, to defend his panthion, but before he could, Riddick's eyes shot open again and he sat up straighter. He pulled out both of his earrings and threw them across the yard, a fire in his eyes Kevin never saw when they were together, "This isn't me!!"
The red panda blinked and quickly wrapped a paw around Riddick's, frowning, "I know Kitten...I know..."
Riddick breathed in as he sobbed and put his head in his paws, "I don't want to be that anymore Kevin. I don't! I'm not everyone's toy...I'm not their plaything..." He looked up, "...and I'm not their token flamer! I'm just Riddick, damnit! Why...why can't that be enough...?"
"It CAN be, Kitten." Kevin pulled the panthion even closer, "It always was for me...and I'm sure it is for Luke and your dad too."
"I don't want Luke to go through the same things I have, Angel. I couldn't...I couldn't live with myself if I caused him to become...what I let myself be." The panthion ran a paw through his headfur, trying to calm down.
Kevin brushed his own paw on Riddick's cheek, not really knowing what to say.
Riddick breathed in a deep, shaking breath, his eyes red and his cheeks wet, "What I'm saying Angel...what I mean is: this isn't about what I want, or what I need. It's about...where I'm NEEDED." He wiped his eyes and looked back at the red panda, "You're strong. You always have been. Every day I've been here, every bit of strength I've gained...I've just been trying to be more like you: more confident and sure, more kind and generous..." He took Kevin's paws in his own, "If you wake up tomorrow morning, and I'm not there, it'll hurt...but you'll survive it. He wouldn't." The panthion averted his eyes, "I love you, and I can't stand the idea of losing you all over again. But Luke needs me...a lot more than you do. He needs me to be, for him, what you were for me. And..." He took a breath to steady himself, "...with Matt, and my dad, and my new friends..." and then looked Kevin in the eye again, "...I don't need YOU to be that for ME anymore."
The red panda gulped, holding back a whimper, and shook his head, "No. No you don't..."
"I'm so sorry Angel." Riddick's head dropped again, "You came all the way here and-"
"No." Kevin shook his head, smiling as he stopped the cat, "No..." He never averted his eyes, the smile still on his muzzle, as he stared lovingly at his little brother, "I'm proud of you, Kitten. You've gotten so strong! I am so...SO proud of you." His jaw quivered and his eyes watered again, but his smile stayed wide.
The panthion smiled back involuntarily. It broke his heart to see Kevin, but it made his chest swell hearing the love and pride his brother had for him, "Thank you, Kevin..." He looked down and then back up, "But...what are you gonna' do, now?"
Kevin slowly let go of Riddick's paws, "I don't know. I guess I'll grab a hotel room for the night...then be back on my way, tomorrow."
Riddick put his paw on Kevin's face, "You know that's not what I meant."
The red panda shrugged, "Don't worry about me, Kitten. Fray's kinda' bisexual now and Diego's going through this whole 'if it moves, I'll fuck it!' phase. And the two of them have always been good friends for me, so...maybe I'll throw one of them a bone."
Riddick chuckled, "Or catch one?"
"Whatever the case may be..."
"I think they'd like that."
Kevin looked down thoughtfully, "Yeah. I'm sure they would." He stood up with a groan, and stuck his hands in his pockets as he stepped down off the porch and starting to walk down the sidewalk, "Bye, Kitten."
The panthion stood up too, "I still love you, Kevin. I always will. Please don't forget that..."
Kevin stopped and looked back with a soft smile, "Maybe so. But, all your rationalizations aside...the bottom line is: your heart isn't mine anymore. I'll see you around, Kitten."
"Goodbye..." Riddick looked down as Kevin walked off, "Angel."
~
The panthion pushed open the door to his room, and walked in alone, Luke still lying on his bed inside.
Luke's ears perked up, and he looked up at the cat, "Riddick...?"
The panthion smiled and didn't say anything back. He just walked to his dresser and pulled open a drawer, searching through it for something.
Luke blinked and sat up, "What are you looking for?"
Riddick pulled out a long, slender, silver chain with a round pendant on the end. He smiled at it, and then turned around to face Luke. The raccoon just flattened his ears and blinked as Riddick walked over to the bed in front of him and undid the chain. Slowly, he reached forward and slipped it around the raccoon's neck, clasping it in the back, still without saying a word.
Luke blinked and reached up, turning the pendant over, "Guardian angel??" He looked up, "No...no, Riddick, this is-! I can't take this!"
The panthion put one paw on Luke's chest and the other around in his headfur on the back of his head, "I don't need a guardian angel anymore, Luke..." He kissed him softly on the lips, "Now...I'm YOUR angel. And this...this will always be here to remind you of that."
~
There we go! The soap opera, Forbidden, continues!!
* Starring: F. R. Borealis as Riddick Dumar Eden and Eric Matthew Cameron Cecil B. North as Kevin Michael Terrence and Lucas Joseph Trammel *
Cecil was a writer here as well, back in the Yiffstar days. If you want to check out the stuff he wrote back then, go ahead and look him up. His username on here is: Cecil_88
And the four chapter arc comes to an end. Is that what you were expecting? I saw lots of talk of "emotional idiocy" and "emotional timebombs" you saw coming. But they didn't so much, did they? Instead, what we saw was the reaffirmation of Luke & Riddick's relationship, and an explanation of why Riddick cares so much for the raccoon. But do you believe that explanation? Do you buy the raffirmation? More to the point: was this what you were wanting? Or did we make you like Kevin enough that you were rooting for him over Luke? And, meanwhile, what's been going on with Matt, Chris, Alex, & Jasyn, and what's to come next for the cast? Tune in next time and beyond, to find out!
Anyway, thanks for reading!
I welcome any feedback! Comment or PM me here, or email me at frostborealis[at]gmail.com
See you for the next 7 chapters of Forbidden! ^.^