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Chapter 8: "The Center of the Shrubbery Maze"

The sting on Erik's face subsided to a dull, warm sensation in the few minutes that he sat on the couch. He didn't move a single muscle since Holly walked out the door and began her return trip to Hartford. His mind, however, raced at a mile a minute with thoughts of the past. His mind took him to his senior year of high school ten years ago. The scene was the prom, and he was dancing slowly with a strawberry blonde haired girl with her head in his shoulder. The girl had her arms snuggly wrapped around him as they swayed to the slow beat of the music. She lifted her head and revealed her turquoise eyes with a smile. He could still hear her voice...

"I'm having so much fun, Erik," she said. "Hasn't it been a wonderful night?"

"It really has," he answered. "I can't think of a better way to end our senior year." He looked down at her and smiled as well. "You look beautiful tonight, Holly."

Holly blushed at his compliment. "Thank you, Cooper." She rested her head back on his shoulder. "I wish this night wouldn't end. It's been nothing short of perfect."

Erik sighed and continued to sway lightly to the music. A smile crept over his face. In his mind, he couldn't agree more with her. The night truly had been as perfect as it could be. As the song came to an end, Holly slowly let go of Erik and looked up into his eyes again.

"I don't know what it is," she said, "but there's something about you that makes me feel like nothing else matters, Cooper. I have to know...what's your secret?"

Erik chuckled. "If I told you, you'd probably never let me go." Holly giggled in response. "But honestly, that's sweet of you to say, Holly. I'm flattered that I have that sort of effect on you. I guess I should be careful with who I'm with, eh? You probably don't want any other girls to get that same feeling and never let go of me."

"Guilty as charged," she said with a laugh. The music slowed down once again, and couples began pairing up for another slow dance. Holly began to move towards Erik, but another girl came up from behind him and tapped his shoulder.

"Wanna dance, Erik?" the mouse asked with a smile.

"Sure, Alison," he said, returning a smile back to her. "You don't mind, do you, Holly?"

The doe faked a smile and shook her head lightly. "Go on, you two. It's just one dance. I need to get off my feet anyway. These heels are killing me."

"I know what you mean, Holly," Alison said. "That's why I took mine off a little while ago." She turned over to Erik. "Let's go!"

"You got it," he replied. As the two walked to another location on the dance floor, Erik looked back and caught a quick glimpse of Holly. Her smile had quickly faded to a solemn expression as she watched them go. A twinge of guilt overcame him before he turned his attention back to Alison and began to slow dance with her. The two slowly turned, allowing Erik to look for Holly again. His search proved to be in vain, and the twinge of guilt grew.

As the dance ended, he quickly left Alison's side and searched for his date. She couldn't be found on the dance floor or anywhere near the refreshment table. After ten minutes of looking, he found one of her friends and asked if she had seen her.

"I think I saw her leave," her friend said. "Yeah...I saw her go out the door with a couple other people. They might be outside, but I think I heard one of them talking about leaving."

Erik quickly went outside and searched the perimeter of the parking lot. He couldn't see anyone around under the light of the many street lights. He stood on the sidewalk for a minute and sighed. Out of the blue, his phone buzzed. He got it out of his pocket and saw that Holly texted him. Her message was short: 'I hope you have fun.' With even more guilt on his mind, Erik turned around and returned to the prom.

His mind then went into fast-forward mode. It was five years later, and Erik was in his final year of obtaining his theatre degree. He could see himself sitting at a desk and re-reading his notes for an impending exam. Silently, a presence entered the room, and a pair of arms wrapped themselves around him. He jumped at the sudden touch, causing his visitor to giggle.

"Don't do that, Holly!" he scolded jokingly. "You know I tend to zone out when I'm studying."

"There's zoning out, and then there's you: dead to the world," she said with a sly grin. "You need to take a break. You've been at this course for at least three hours now."

Erik leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. "This exam that's coming up is a big one. It's going to count for a third of my grade this semester." He rubbed his eyes. "But then again, you may have a point. I'm starting to get a bit of a headache from all of the reading I've been doing."

"Aha...so I was right," she declared. Holly rested her head on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "So why don't you get away from that desk for a little bit and rest with me?" She walked over and sat on his bed. Erik could hear her pat the sheets. "There's plenty of room."

Erik turned around in his seat. "I was actually thinking about going into town with a few friends...provided they were interested." He stretched. "I just have to call them up."

"Isn't the point of relaxing to not run around and do things?" Holly asked. She leaned back a bit. "And besides, what's wrong with staying here with me?"

"There's certainly nothing wrong with that," Erik replied, "but I've been in this room all evening. I think I need some fresh air."

Holly grunted softly. "Just open a window." She re-adjusted her body and laid herself down on the bed. "Come on, Cooper. I can help you relax a hell of a lot more than your friends. I think we proved that little fact last week..." She giggled at her comment.

Erik blushed a bit. "I think you proved a few more things than that." He leaned back in his chair.

"So what's holding you back then?" Holly asked. "You don't have to run around and find anyone to hang out with, and I can help you relax!"

"There isn't going to be any way I can get out of this room, is there?" Holly grinned and shook her head. Erik sighed. "All right. Scoot over..." Holly giggled again and shifted herself over to the left to make room for Erik. He got on his bed and lay back next to her.

"I knew you'd eventually see things my way," Holly said in triumph. "Now flip over and take off your shirt."

"Why?"

"So I can give you a back massage like I did last week. What else?" Holly said innocently. Erik shrugged, took off his shirt, and flipped over so he was lying on his stomach. "Good...now let me work my magic." She straddled him and began to knead his back from bottom to top. Erik couldn't help but groan. He practically began to melt under Holly's handiwork. Holly couldn't help but laugh at the response she was getting to her massage. "Something tells me you're enjoying yourself, am I right?"

"Oh Lord, yes..." Erik said slowly. "This feels amazing, Holly. I have to know your secret."

Holly tapped his shoulder before continuing her massage. "Now now, Cooper. If I told you my secret, then I wouldn't be the best at it. I have to keep some things under wraps."

"Fair enough. I'll let you win this time," Erik conceded. They laughed at his little quip for a moment. After another few minutes, Holly stopped massaging his back. "Thank you so much, Holly."

"I'm guessing you feel a lot better, don't you, Cooper?" He nodded into the pillow. Holly smiled. "Good. Now flip over again." Erik obeyed her request and flipped back over. Immediately, he looked down and blushed. Holly giggled again. "What's wrong, Cooper?"

"Um...you did it again, Holly," Erik said shyly. He pointed just below his waistline to a now prominent bulge. "You seem to have quite an effect on my body when you do that."

A coy grin came across Holly's face. "You didn't seem to complain the last time that happened." She traced a finger along his chest and down his stomach. Erik shivered at her touch and gasped lightly.

"Holly, I don't know..."

Holly's other hand made its way to his chest. "Let me do this, Cooper," she cooed. "Besides, it's not like you have a girlfriend to worry about." Erik smiled weakly at her statement. "Exactly," she said as her hands made their way to his zipper. "Now, where was I...?"

A third and final scene came into view. It was late autumn. The trees were barely holding on to their color, and a chill could be felt in the air. Erik could remember himself and Holly sitting on a park bench just outside of the campus. They had been walking around for a while, and the discussion between them was not a pleasant one.

"I need to do this, Cooper," Holly said as she looked to the ground. "It's just not working."

"What isn't working for you?" Erik asked. "I thought everything was going really well."

Holly shook her head. "I thought so too." She looked up at the sky. "I'm not getting what I need here. Granted, the classes I've been taking have been good. It's just that the experience I've been getting here hasn't been what I need."

Erik sighed. "Have you thought long enough about this?" He looked over to her. "It seems like this was a sudden decision."

"I've thought enough about it to know that this is what I want," she answered. "I'm sorry, Cooper."

"It's not your fault, Holly. You weren't happy with the curriculum. That's something that's out of your control." He rubbed her shoulder. "I'll support you, no matter what."

The doe smiled. "Thank you, Erik. That means a lot." Suddenly, an idea came to her mind. "Why don't you come with me?"

"What?"

She took his hand. "Come with me back to UConn." Her eyes lit up. "You'd love it up there. We've got everything that PSU has, but you don't have to travel 15 minutes to get to class." She stood up and walked in front of Erik. "We could get an apartment and be roommates!"

Erik looked up at Holly. He stared into her eyes for a minute and thought about everything she had said. "That's a great offer, Holly. It all sounds really nice. However..." He looked back down. "I can't." The glow in Holly's eyes faded, and a solemn expression came over her. "I'm one semester away from getting my theatre degree. I want to finish here." He stood up. "I'm sorry, Holly. I just can't go with you."

There was a tense silence between them for a few minutes. Holly looked away and held her tears back. She wanted to say so many things to Erik, but she couldn't bring herself to say any of them. After a deep breath, Holly finally broke the silence. "It's ok, Erik. I understand." She faked a smile. "Maybe when your last semester is done, you could think about it again."

Erik smiled back. "You've got yourself a deal." He pulled her in and held her close for a while. Holly buried her head in his shoulder and let a pair of tears seep into his jacket. She lifted her head up and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Good-bye, Cooper," Holly said. "Keep in touch, ok?"

The raccoon nodded. "I will. You as well, Holly." With that, the two parted ways in opposite directions.

Erik never thought about leaving Penn State to go to UConn, and he never called Holly for the remaining five years. His mind returned to the present time, and his out of body experience came to an end on the couch. He slowly got up and proceeded to get dressed. The scavenger hunt for his clothes only took a minute, and he then made his way towards the door. As his hand gripped the door handle, he looked back into the room. He took several slow breathes as he recalled what had happened earlier.

"I'm sorry, Holly," he said solemnly. Without another sound, he exited the room and went home.

***

Some jazz music could be heard in the apartment as James prepared some lunch for himself. He could just hear the melodies enough over the crackling of the frying pans in front of him. The fox hummed along with a saxophone as he flipped his chicken around and added some vegetables to the mix. Rich aromas filled the kitchen, causing him to grin.

"Mmmmm...this is coming out so well!" James said to himself. "I can actually cook a nice meal for once and not have to worry about classes or work." He added some sauce to the pan and stirred everything around a few times. His eyes went over to the clock. "Wow, it's almost noon already," he mused. "Time flies when you're having fun, I guess!"

Time alone in the apartment was a rarity for James. He and Erik had similar class schedules, which meant that they'd be home at roughly the same time just about every day. The only chance to get some peaceful moments was when Erik had to work in the bookstore. Even with that, James would be lucky to get an hour or two to himself due to his own work schedule. Today, however, was different. This was his day off from work, and he was going to take full advantage of the opportunity.

James scanned the contents of the pan once more and deemed everything to be done. He grabbed a plate and a glass of water and sat on the couch. He sighed with contentment. "What a nice day," he said. He took a bite of his stir fry and immediately loved the results. "I amaze myself sometimes." The clock struck noon in the living room, and James looked around the apartment. "Not that this is a bad thing, but it's almost too quiet here. Where in the world did Erik go?"

Out of curiosity, he reached into his pocket for his cell phone to see if he had missed any messages from his roommate. His search proved fruitless; the last message from Erik was from nearly four days prior. "Time to get to the bottom of this," James decided. He quickly dialed Erik's number and waited for an answer. Two rings later, he got his wish.

"What is it, James?" Erik said plainly.

One of James' eyebrows rose at his tone. "Hey man, is everything all right?"

"I don't want to talk right now," he responded. "I'm on my way back. I'll be there in ten minutes." Without another word, Erik hung up his phone.

James placed his phone on the lamp desk and sat back in the couch. "Ooooooooh shit..." he groaned. "This can't be good." He took a look at his plate and sighed. "Guess I'll have to enjoy you some other time." He took a few more bites of his meal and put it in the refrigerator. Taking one more look at the clock, he went back to the couch and sat back down in anticipation of Erik's arrival.

In the three years that the two had been roommates, James could barely remember a handful of times that Erik was in this severe of a funk. Under most circumstances, Erik would be able to just let it roll of his shoulders, but this seemed to be different to James. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened to get under his skin so much. His mind wouldn't have to wonder too much more; James heard the stairwell door shut in the hallway. "Here we go..." he said under his breath as he heard the door unlock and open. Silently, Erik walked in. "Hey," James said. "What's up?"

Erik tossed his phone onto the couch and slumped into a chair at the kitchen table. "You're not going anywhere for a while, are you?"

"I can't say that I was...why?"

Erik looked over to James. "I need to talk to you." He sighed. "It's about something personal."

"Oh?" James got up and walked over to the table. "Here...let me at least get you some water." He grabbed two glasses.

"Thank you. I could use something cold to drink," Erik said. James placed the glass in front of him and sat across from him. "Ok. Do you remember when you called me from the Poconos?" James nodded. "Remember when I talked about the little situation I was in?"

"Yeah...wait, don't tell me." The fox leaned over the table slightly. "This isn't about that Holly girl, is it?" His friend closed his eyes and nodded. "All right. Spill it, Erik. What happened this time?"

"After you left to take Brittany back to her hotel, I called Holly to check up on her. We talked for a little bit, and the next thing I knew, we were making plans to go out that night."

James' eyebrows rose. "Well, that explains where you were last night. Thanks for the update on that one."

Erik sighed. "I know...I know. That's my bad on that one." He took a drink of his water before continuing. "We went to a local club and danced for a while. I had a few drinks-"

"Define a few..."

"Four martinis."

"Strike two, Erik," James said. "You better be swinging for the fences with this one."

"So anyhow," Erik said with an annoyed tone. "We were dancing, and I guess I didn't realize what I was doing." He paused. "I kissed her...for a good while."

James' hand made its way over his face. "Strike three...you're out." He groaned and shook his head. "Did you not listen to a word I said that night when I called you?"

"I had too much to drink last night. I'm fully aware of that," he confessed. "I shouldn't have done that."

"So why didn't you come back here afterward?"

"She took me to her hotel room to sleep it off." James immediately shot a glare of disbelief at his friend. Erik held his hands up a bit from his side. "Now hold on. We didn't do anything. I slept on the couch...she slept in her bed."

James' glare softened. "At least you didn't screw up too much." It was his turn to take a drink. "And then what happened this morning?"

"Holly woke up before I did. My phone went off, and she decided to see who it was." Erik sighed again. "It was Brittany."

"Oh shit..."

Erik shook his head. "Oh shit indeed. She came to her own conclusions and started going off on me. She thought I was serious with her. I tried to get her to stop, and I said a few hurtful things. I pretty much said that she was being controlling and to stop acting like I was her boyfriend." He felt his cheek. "She slapped me pretty hard and left." Erik finished his water. "So there you go. That was my night in a nut shell."

James' eye squinted slightly. "Well, I've certainly learned one more thing about you." He leaned back into his chair. "You've got something either for or against Holly, and you still haven't let go yet. Whether it's guilt or something else, it's still there." He stared at his friend for a second to let his statement sink in. "You said something in our last phone conversation that struck me as odd. You didn't want to talk about what happened when Holly transferred to Penn State that one semester. Whatever happened, it left a lasting impact on you." James scooted closer to the table. "It's time for you to be honest. What happened between you two that semester?"

There was a long silence in the room between the two. Tension began to grow across the table as Erik took several deep breaths. "I really didn't want to talk about it," he warned, "but if you think it will help, I'll talk." He took one more breath. "There was something between us...Holly and I."

"You two dated?"

"No," Erik said. "We were never boyfriend and girlfriend." He drank more of his water. "When she first came down, it was completely fine. She lived two floors down from me and went about her own class schedule. We would hang out now and again, but it wasn't anything serious."

"So you two were still friends."

"Right," Erik continued. "It was like high school all over again. We would just have fun, you know? We'd go to the mall or get a couple of other friends and go out for dinner. It honestly was harmless.

James' head tilted slightly. "I'm guessing that didn't last too long."

Erik propped his elbows on the table. "About a month into the semester, Holly started randomly showing up at my room. I usually left my door unlocked, so that was my fault on that one. It still seemed harmless to me. It wasn't like she was sprawled out and naked on my bed when I'd come back." James couldn't help by stifle a chuckle, which brought a look on Erik's face. After a moment, Erik picked up where he left off. "I locked my door after a few days of that, but that didn't stop the visits. She eventually started showing up at my door on a daily basis...usually at night and in her pajamas. Again, there was no lascivious intent. We would just hang out and talk while we did our homework."

"One night, she showed up like she usually did. Holly said she was locked out of her room and needed a place to stay for the night. I felt sorry for her, and I let her spend the night with me. She offered to give me a massage as a bit of a thank you. I let her give me one, and I guess she noticed that it had a certain side-effect on me..."

James sighed. "It got you hard, didn't it?"

Erik nodded in embarrassment. "She noticed what it did to me that night. It was then that she told me about how much she wanted me. Needless to say, that kind of threw me for a loop. I told her that I cared about her too but not in such a serious way. She said that we could still be serious and not be an item. I really wasn't too sure about it, but she said we could try something anyway. If nothing developed, then so be it." He stopped for a few seconds. "We had sex for the first time that night. At that moment, our fling started. I was really leery about everything for a while, but I let it continue."

James shook his head. "Well, this certainly explains a lot." He got up and poured two more glasses of water. "So you two were fuck buddies, and you felt guilty about it." He sat back down. "Normally, I'd take your side, but I can't this time. I digress. Now, how long did it last?"

"For about a month," Erik said. "It got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. My guilt got the best of me, and I just stopped hanging out with her or doing anything with her." He took his glass and quickly drank the water. "She left for UConn again two weeks later. She wanted me to come with her, but I declined. That was the last I had heard from her until the convention last weekend."

James thought for a moment and then nodded. "I think I get it now. You still have guilt from your little fling with her, don't you?" Erik shook his head in acknowledgment. "Let's face it. You don't have anyone to blame for the predicament you're in but yourself. The fact that you haven't been able to get your mind straightened out over her certainly isn't helping things out. Here's what you need to do. You need to start being honest not only with the people around you, but also with yourself. Maybe you'll finally be able to get everything figured out once you do." He paused and leaned forward again. "I'll ask you the same question that I did a few nights ago: Do you still have feelings for her? Are you in love with Holly?"

Another spell of silence filled the room. James glared at Erik intently, watching his movements and expressions as he thought about his question. Erik shut his eyes and tilted his head down. His mind raced with uncertainty and question. He reflected on the last fifteen years that he knew Holly and thought about how each event shaped his feelings for her. His face seemed to wince once he got through their fling, but his breakthrough occurred at that moment. He opened his eyes but kept his gaze at the table.

"Holly was my first," Erik said softly. James squinted his eyes and kept his intent glare pointed towards his friend as he listened. "She was the first and so far only woman that I have ever done anything with. I know what we did shouldn't have happened, but it did. She holds something that no one else ever will. I guess it's that very thought that compels me to have feelings for her."

"Are those feelings genuine?" James asked.

"...No," Erik answered. "I care about Holly. That feeling is genuine. When I get right down to the bottom of it all, however, I find that I don't truly love her. If I didn't decide to do what I did, then you probably wouldn't have to stage an intervention like this. Either way, I don't love her."

James sighed and showed a weak smile. "I'm glad we've finally found the center of the shrubbery maze that is your mind." His smile quickly faded into a serious expression. "Now you need to get your act together. You've screwed up twice: Once by doing what you did last night and again by not telling Holly about how you really feel when I told you to the first time we talked." He finished his second glass of water. "I'm only saying this because I'm your friend and because I've also been through slightly similar situations in my own past. If you don't get your mind and heart on the same page, then you're setting yourself up for a major mistake...a mistake that you will never be able to repair. Do you understand me this time?"

Erik nodded and stood up. "I completely understand, Jim," he said. He looked at his roommate and showed a small smile. "Thank you. I really think I needed this reality check."

"I'm just looking out for you, Erik," James said, returning the smile. "If you want any more advice, please don't hesitate to ask. Otherwise, I'm going to let you handle things on your own. That is, if you think you can handle it."

"Let me just ask you this," Erik began. He turned and placed his glass in the sink. "Should I call Holly and explain everything on the phone, or should I meet with her face to face somehow?"

The fox thought for a second. "My honest opinion would be to talk face to face. Doing something like this over the phone is a bit of a cowardly way to do it. Have the dignity to at least tell her in person."

"Got it," Erik replied. "I'll try to get in contact with her and see what I can do." Erik went down the hallway and into his room. He shut the door and flopped on his bed with his phone in his hand. "All right, Cooper. Let's get this over with..." He dialed Holly's number and anxiously waited for an answer. One ring went by. Then two rings...three...four. By the fifth ring, her voice mail message began to play. Erik sighed, almost in relief. Once he heard the beep, he began his message.

"Holly, it's me. I wanted to apologize for what happened this morning. I shouldn't have said those things to you...you didn't deserve that." There was a brief pause. "If you want to, I was hoping we could meet up when you had some free time. You deserve an explanation for the way I acted, and I want it to be one on one. Give me a call back if you want to." Erik ended the phone call and rested his head on the pillows. Physically and mentally exhausted, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Half an hour later, his phone began to ring next to his hand...

---

End of Chapter 8

Next...Chapter 9: Truth or Consequences