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Chapter 9: "Truth or Consequences"

A chill overcame Erik while he slept. His body shivered slightly, and he gasped slightly as he awoke suddenly. His eyes darted back and forth in a slight panic only to close once more while he heaved a long sigh. "It was just a dream," he muttered under his breath. He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes; his breathing remained slow. After a few minutes, Erik finally came to his senses and looked at the clock. "So much for a quick nap," he said. "I just wasted most of the afternoon."

Just to the right of his hand was his phone. He looked over and picked it up to see if he had any messages. To his surprise, he had three messages: Two were from Holly, and the third was a text from his family. Hastily, he pushed the family message aside and read Holly's message before listening to her voice mail. Her text was simple and to the point: 'I'm sorry'. Erik thought about those two words for a moment. He couldn't help but remember all the times he said those same words to her, whether she heard them or not. His fingers pressed a few buttons, and he prepared himself for what he could possibly hear in her voice mail.

"Erik, it's me," she began. Erik's ears twitched at her introduction. She rarely used his first name when she would talk to him. "Please...pick up the phone. I'm so sorry for what happened. We had such a nice weekend, and I went and fucked it up. I understand if you don't want to talk. I didn't at first when I saw you trying to call me, but then I figured that ignoring your call would only make things worse."

'At least she's honest,' Erik thought as he listened to her message.

"I'll be up front with you...I haven't left Pennsylvania yet." An eyebrow rose. "I'm visiting family in Allentown, but I'm planning on leaving for Hartford at about 6. We can meet up for dinner if you want. Call me back if you can."

Erik's eyes quickly darted to his clock again. "3 o'clock," he said to himself. "If I leave right now, I might make it." He brought up Holly's number and patched a quick call to her. The anxious wait began once more with the first ring. He wouldn't have to count past two this time.

"Hey, Cooper," he heard through the phone. Holly's voice seemed eerily cheerful to him. "I was wondering if you were ever going to call. Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Erik said. "I fell asleep for a few hours. Thanks for getting back to me."

Holly sighed, and the happy façade that she started with morphed into something more genuine and serious. "I really meant what I said when I tried to call you earlier. I'm truly sorry, and you're right. I shouldn't meddle in your personal affairs. Your friends are your friends. Can you ever forgive me?"

Erik thought for a moment. He could tell that she was being honest this time with her emotions. "Yeah, I forgive you, Holly. Besides, you had every right to do and say what you did. In light of the fact that it's 3 already, I'll get to the point. I want to meet up with you before you go. There's something I want to talk to you about, and I'd rather do it in person than over the phone. If I'm not in the area at exactly 6, will that put you too far back?"

"No, you'll be fine," she responded. "I just used six as a ballpark estimate for myself." She got up from where she was sitting and walked into another room. "As long as I'm back in Hartford by 3am, I'll be fine to go into work the next day." Holly grinned. "I don't need too much sleep. You of all people should know that."

An uncomfortable silence came on Erik's line. He grimaced and looked away as a few select memories came to mind. "Yeah...I guess I do," he said with a faked chuckle. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "So I'm going to be on my way then. I'll give you a call when I'm near the city. Was there any particular place you wanted to meet me at?"

Holly thought for a moment. "Since it's going to be dark by that time, let's rule out the park." Erik acknowledged with an 'Mmhmm'. Silence returned for another moment. "How about we just talk over dinner? What about that nice Italian restaurant on 8th Street?"

"I'm game," Erik said. "That sounds like a good idea." He shut his room door and walked through the apartment. James watched him as he bustled around the room and got his car keys. "I'll be back later tonight, Jim," he said while holding the phone away from him. "I'm taking your advice and meeting up with Holly for dinner to talk."

James looked up from his book and nodded. "Good luck, Erik. Just call when you're on your way back."

Erik nodded as well and went out the door. "Sorry about that, Holly. I was just telling my roommate that I was headed out."

"I could tell, Cooper. I heard every word," she said wryly. "So what kind of advice did he give you, and what does it have to do with me?"

'Shit...I forgot to cover the phone!' he cursed in his mind. "It didn't have to do with you, to be honest. He just told me to be more proactive about things in life...good or bad. That's why I called you instead of waiting for you to call me. That's the advice he gave me." He waited anxiously for an answer. 'Oh God, I hope she bought it...' he pleaded in his mind.

"I get where you're coming from, Cooper," Holly said. "You were always pretty introverted, especially in high school. It's good to see that someone was able to get through to you and break you out of that shell." She giggled.

Erik sighed with relief as he went down the two flights of stairs to the parking lot. "Well, there you go," he said with a chuckle. "All right then. I'll see you in a few hours, Holly. See you there." Erik ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket. He looked up quickly at the grey late November sky. "As long as Jim doesn't send any snow my way, I'll be fine," he muttered to himself.

He got into his car and turned the ignition on to let the car warm up for a few minutes. As the car idled, his mind began to wander once again. He though about what he would say to Holly and how he was going to say it. Scenario after scenario played through his mind with different results coming to fruition. All Erik could do was prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Just before he put his car into drive, he thought about something for one more second.

"Even after all of this," he mused, "why are you still in my dreams, Holly?"

***

"I wonder why he hasn't called me back yet..." Brittany wondered out loud. "I thought we really hit it off this past weekend."

"Haven't you heard of the three day rule, Brit?" Aaron asked as he unpacked the trunk of his car. "You wait three days to call a guy or girl after the first date so you don't come off as desperate."

A scowl came across Brittany's face. "Hey now! I am FAR from desperate!" Aaron began to howl with laughter only to be silenced with a pillow thrown at his head. Brittany scoffed at the wolf's jeer and continued to unpack her things from Kerri's car. "OK, Mr. Wise Guy...answer me this: did you adhere to the three day rule with Kerri?"

Aaron grinned. "As a matter of fact, I did," he declared.

Kerri crossed over to Brittany and leaned towards her ear. "Don't listen to him," she whispered. "He waited for me outside the lounge the night after we first met." She peered over towards her husband and blew a kiss over to him. Aaron couldn't help but raise an eyebrow and smile. "Don't worry, honey," she said. "I was just telling Brittany not to worry about Erik, right?" Brittany took Kerri's cue and nodded. "I'm sure he'll call you back, Brit. After all, you two just met. He'll come around soon enough."

"I know," Brittany said, "but it still sucks to have to wait. It's been so long since I met a guy that was actually my type."

"What do you define as 'your type', dare I ask?" Aaron said.

"Simple...he has to like me for me," Brittany responded. "I don't want to have to go through fixing a guy or make him change like something out of a chick flick." She paused and thought for a second. "There's something about Erik that makes me think that he fits that bill. Granted, it was only three days, but I could still feel some kind of a connection. I can only hope that he felt it too."

Aaron smiled. "Don't worry, kiddo," he re-assured her. "Something tells me that you made a lasting impression on him. I wouldn't worry about it too much."

Kerri placed her last bag on the ground next to the car. "Well, that's everything," she said with a sigh. "Honey, be a dear, and take everything inside."

"Wait...what!?" The wolf walked over to his wife with a questioning look on his face. "Why do I have to do everything? We have a lot of bags to unpack, and most of them are yours!" He leaned against the car and raised an eyebrow. "Give me one good reason why I should."

A grin came across Kerri's face as she approached her husband. She slowed her walk until she stood right in front of him. Aaron flinched slightly in surprise. "I'll give you two for the price of one," she cooed. Her lips brushed along his ear, sending shivers down Aaron's spine. "First, you'll be rewarded handsomely when you're done," she whispered in his ear. Aaron blushed a bright red and grinned, causing Kerri to giggle. She backed off slightly. "Second," she continued in a normal voice. "I think Brittany and I need a girl's afternoon out to discuss a few things."

Brittany looked over to the couple. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I still need to get my stuff back to my house and unpack too. I don't want to make you go out of your way"

"Don't worry about it, Brit," Kerri said with a smile. She walked over to her friend and put a hand on her shoulder. "I think you need this. Some motherly advice would do you good. Besides, when was the last time you and I just went out for a little bit?"

The rabbit nodded in agreement. "Good point, but there are two things wrong with your statement: One, you're only five years older than me. Two, you're not a mother."

"Yet," Aaron piped in at the last second. Brittany looked over to Aaron, who now had a warm smile on his face. His wife looked over and showed the same smile back to him. Brittany did a double-take to both Aaron and Kerri as the gears turned in her mind. Before she could say anything, Kerri broke the silence.

"On that note," she said with a slight giggle, "let's get going, Brit." She walked to her husband and kissed him softly. "We'll be back by dinner. I love you, Aaron."

"I love you too, Kerri," he replied. "You two have fun. I'll make something for us tonight...it's a surprise, so I can't tell you."

The husky tapped his nose. "That sounds wonderful." She turned again and walked to her car. "Let's go, Brittany!"

Brittany stood in place for a few more seconds before snapping out of her trance and walking over to Kerri's car. "Wait...is there something you two aren't telling me again!?"

***

A grey car sat in a public parking lot on 8th Street. Inside, Holly patiently waited for a call from Erik with her phone held tightly in her hand. Anxiously, she brought up the home screen to check the time. It was three minutes before 6pm. Her toe tapped the accelerator in impatience. "Come on, Cooper. Where are you?" Holly sighed and sat back in her seat. She placed her phone on the passenger seat next to her and looked out the window. One by one, the street lights flickered on and lit up the lot and surrounding parking lots. As the last light became illuminated, her phone began to ring. Holly hastily picked it up and pressed a button. "Cooper, is that you?"

"Who else would it be?" Erik said coyly. "Were you that worried about me?"

"I was wondering where you were, yes," Holly said. "So why don't you answer that question...where are you?"

Erik chuckled. "I'm about three cars down from you." Holly got out of her car and look down the lot to her right. After a few seconds, she could see a pair of lit up tail lights. "I'm coming over," she said before hanging up and starting the short walk down the row of cars. Holly could hear a car door opening and then see Erik rising up from his black car. She waved him down and watched him approach her.

"You really need to stop doing that," she said.

"Stop doing what?"

"Giving me a heart attack," she said with a grin. They both laughed for a moment. "But seriously, I'm glad to see that you got here safely."

Erik nodded. "I made good time on I-80. No one was on the road for a while, so I took the opportunity to expedite the travel as much as I could."

Holly shook her head. "One of these days, you're going to get hit for a huge ticket with that lead foot of yours." She looked down the block and saw the lights for the restaurant. "Come on, let's get some dinner. I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"You won't hear me disagree," Erik replied. "You've been waiting long enough, and that drive over here certainly got my appetite going." They began their short walk down the sidewalk in silence. A slight feel of tension filled the air. Erik looked over to Holly on several occasions, and his mind began to race with how he would broach the subject that he talked about with James. Each passing glance to the doe walking by him increased the volume of doubt in his head. As much as he knew he needed to do this, there was still that small voice in the back of his head that screamed otherwise. He listened to his mind for too long, and he almost walked past their destination.

"Cooper? Are you all right?" Holly asked. She stood in front of the building with a concerned look on her face. "You haven't said a word since we started walking."

Erik flashed a quick and weak smile. "Sorry about that," he said. "I guess the drive over here took a bit more out of me than I had though." He held a hand out towards the restaurant doors. "Ladies first."

Holly couldn't help but giggle softly. "You always were a gentleman, Cooper."

***

The dull roar of conversations and utensils hitting plates could be heard throughout the restaurant. It was unusually busy for a Monday night, but Erik and Holly didn't seem to mind. The only things concerning them were enjoying each others company as well as their dinners. A lone lit candle flickered between them, reflecting a soft light off of Holly's pearl necklace.

"Humor me, Cooper," Holly said. "Why did you want to meet up with me again? I thought you were too busy for a social life, let alone one person."

Erik raised an eyebrow. "I'm not THAT busy, you know. I still haven't heard back from the production team, so as far as I'm concerned, I don't have the part yet." He took a sip of his wine. "That means I have a little more free time than you give me credit for."

"But traveling all the way up here to Allentown? Come on, Cooper." Holly tapped a finger on the table. "I'm not as clueless as you think I am." She raised an eyebrow of her own. "There's an ulterior motive to all of this, isn't there?"

He put his fork down and stared at her for a minute. "Ok, Holly. You caught me. There is indeed another reason for me coming up here to see you."

Holly raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I knew it," she said smugly. She leaned back in her chair and sighed. "I can read you like a book, Erik. Now tell me...why are you REALLY here?"

Erik closed his eyes. "All right, but just so you know, you asked for it."

Holly's heart began to race in anticipation. 'Oh my God!' she thought. 'This is just like my dream!' A wider smile grew on her face. "Go ahead, Cooper. I'm all ears."

"Holly, this needs to stop," he said plainly. The smile that had quickly come across Holly's face faded in an instant. "I know you still love me, and I'm flattered that you do. I just can't reciprocate those feeling to you. I don't want you to keep hopelessly hoping for something that just isn't going to happen."

The doe took a few deep breaths. Erik's words felt like a kick to her stomach. She could feel a sense of anger beginning to boil just under the surface. "Let me get this straight," she said slowly. "You drove all this way and took me out to dinner just so you could say that you don't love me?"

Erik simply nodded. "I at least wanted to tell you in person and give you that much dignity rather than say this over the phone."

Holly snorted at his comment. "Dignity? Really!? Where's the fucking dignity in getting my hopes up like this only to drop them like a lead weight in the ocean?" She placed her fork back on the table. "You've been doing this to me for the last ten years, Erik. Whether you've known it or not, you've been putting some kind of hope in my heart that you might come around someday. At least now, you're finally being honest."

"You of all people should know that I would NEVER hurt anyone intentionally," Erik countered. "I truly do apologize for all of this, whether you believe me or not."

"Regardless, you did a hell of a lot of damage," Holly said before taking a sip of her wine. "And while we're on the topic of honesty, why don't you tell me what you've been up to since I left five years ago." A razor-sharp glare shot across the table to Erik. "With a personality like yours, you must have been able to score a girl or two in bed. You always were a ladies man, Cooper," she spat out.

Erik remained silent and returned his own icy gaze. The edge softened in Holly's eyes as she realized that he was giving her an answer with his silence. "Oh my God...don't tell me you haven't been with anyone since me." A simple nod was all Holly received as an answer. Her eyes squinted for a few seconds; she analyzed Erik's appearance and demeanor. He didn't flinch or change his field of vision. His eyes remained locked on Holly. After thinking for a moment, her glare returned. "You're lying," she hissed.

Erik's eyes shot wide open. "Excuse me!?" he shouted. A hush fell over the surrounding area as every pair of eyes focused on their table. A prolonged stretch of awkward silence fell in the room. After what seemed like an eternity, everyone else returned to their own meals and conversations. Erik, however, picked up right where he left off. "Why would I lie about something like that?"

"You probably just want to make yourself look like a saint," Holly said in a low voice. "Now tell me the truth, Cooper."

Erik threw his knife on the table, causing it to clank and bounce on his plate before falling to the floor. "You wanted the truth, and you got it! I have nothing to hide with you. You wanted to know how many women I've been with since you, and you got your answer: none! You are the first, last, and only woman I've slept with. Are you happy now!?"

Holly swallowed hard and retained her silence. A cold sweat overcame her as his words echoed in his mind. A stare-down began between them; a thick and ubiquitous tension filled the air. Neither Erik nor Holly moved a muscle for several minutes. Finally, the silence was broken.

"Now it's your turn to be honest with me, Holly," Erik said. "Have you been with anyone else besides me?"

Holly's eyes burned with anger, and she stood up quickly. "My sex life is none of your God damned business!" she growled loudly. "How dare you ask me such a question!"

"Oh, and I suppose it's all right for you to insinuate things about mine?" Erik responded in a heated tone. "You wanted honesty from me, and you got it. Go figure, when you have to be honest, you hide! You were always like that, even when you were at Penn State. Cut the double standard bullshit, and grow up!"

Holly sat back down, but her anger continued to boil at the thought of her time with Erik. "You're one to talk about double standards," she said. "You were a walking double standard for over a month when we were together!"

"We were never together...!" Erik growled. "When will you get it through your head? You and I..."

"What, Erik? Go ahead...say it!" Holly sneered. "What about you and I?"

"WE WERE A MISTAKE!" Erik roared. Holly's eyes widened in shock, and a chill went down her spine. In her mind, she immediately regretted egging him to say what he did. She could see the rage in Erik's eyes, and for the first time, she was genuinely afraid of what he would say next. The words she wanted to say were stuck in a lump in her throat.

"What happened between us was a mistake!" Erik continued. "It was obvious from the start that you wanted that more than I did. You even said it yourself... 'Let's just see if something develops.' In all honesty, I wasn't sure if I wanted something serious either, but I thought that if I at least tried, maybe I would feel the same way." He paused and took a deep breath to try and calm himself down. "I couldn't do it. No matter what we did, sexual or otherwise, I just didn't feel any deeper of a connection than a close friendship."

"So rather than fill you with false hope, I was honest with how I felt, and I ended what we had after such a short time. I couldn't lead you on and have you think that if we kept up our fling that it would work out." Erik rubbed his eyes and signed. "You wanted it more than me, and I knew I couldn't give you what you wanted. I never wanted things to spiral as far out of control as they did. I'm sorry, Holly."

Holly remained silent after his apology. Her mind was overloaded with his sudden outburst, and she tried her best to sort everything out. Her voice still eluded her, but her sadness was beginning to show. A few tears made their way from the corners of her eyes and down her cheeks. Sensing that there was nothing else that could be said or done, Erik slowly stood up and placed forty dollars on the table.

"I'm sorry I wasted your time, Holly. Not only tonight, but also for the last ten years. I don't want to lose you as a friend, but if you don't want to have anything to do with me, I understand." Carefully, Erik turned around and began to walk away from the table. As he did, Holly finally found her voice.

"Three."

Erik turned around with a puzzled expression. "What?"

"Three," Holly repeated. "I've been with three other guys since I went back to UConn. But let me tell you something." She paused for a second. "None of them meant as much to me as you do. They could never compare to the man that you were. You were the best...both in and out of the bedroom." Holly used her napkin to dry off her tears, only to have them replaced by more. "I'm sorry, Erik. I'm sorry for everything. Just let me say this one thing." She stood up as well. "If there ever comes a day when you get a feeling like I have had for you, just remember that my door will always be open."

All Erik could do was nod. "Thank you, Holly," he said softly. He turned around once more. "Will you still keep in touch...as a friend?"

A weak smile formed on Holly's face. "Yes." Erik didn't say another word. All Holly could do was watch Erik walk out the door and back towards his car. As she stood alone at the table, a waiter came by.

"Is there anything I can do for you, ma'am?" he asked.

Holly looked over and simply shook her head. "No, thank you. Just write up my check so I can go home."

The waiter nodded and went off to get her bill. By the time he returned, four twenty dollar bills were laid on the table, and Holly was long gone.

---

End Chapter 9

Next: Chapter 10 - Retracing One's Steps