FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I had been quietly drawing in my room; letting the plops of rain on my window lull my mind as my pencil moved. Sketching and relaxing with my tail curled over my hind-paws to keep them warm. Days off were generally spent like this, with my two roommates down stairs watching T.V. I preferred it this way; loving the way the quiet laziness balanced the energy and chaotic nature of work. So peaceful and so uneventful.

Then the front door slammed hard enough for the glass panes to shudder. While the harsh sound didn't break my window it did shatter my thoughts and leave a big ugly line on my sketch.

"Fuck." I grumbled under my breath looking around for my eraser in the folds on my blanket as my thoughts recollected themselves. At first, I didn't know what was going on. I knew the other two were down stairs but that didn't explain anything. Had someone merely shut the door too hard by accident? Possible, after all Casey and Alex were out going felines and often spent their evenings in dim lit clubs. The chance they had just gone out without giving me a heads up was very likely indeed. However the moment I had this thought the thump thump thump of hind-paws on the stairs had me rethinking my conclusion. Then the knock on my door and its creaks indicating something heavy was leaning against it.

"Kat, you still awake?" Alex's sullen voice seemed as heavy as his bulk was against my door. '_Of course I am awake it's only seven.' _ I thought rather dismissively back at him, but thoughts are just thoughts so I shrugged and gave him an actual answer.

"Yeah, why? Did you need something?" I was still trying to figure out what was going on. Because if Alex was at my bedroom door that would mean it had been Casey slamming the front one.

"Do you... Would you mind if I...."I could hear him growl against the wood. "Can I just come in? I don't want to be alone right now." The half plead in his voice made me just shrug my answer. Then my brain stopped being stupid and distracted for long enough to realize he couldn't see it.

"Yeah hun, come on in." I said as I worked to erase the pencil mark I'd made earlier when the door slammed.

The knobbed turned, his left hind-paw slid along the wooden floor, the fresh blood on his lip caught the light of my bed side lamp and he refused to look me in the eyes as the door closed behind him.

"Alex! What the hell happened to your muzzle?" My sketchbook hit the ground with a light thud as I went to look him over more closely. "Seriously what did you do to it? It looks like you took a bat to the jaw."

"Actually it was a paw, but you'd be surprise how hard she hits." He mumbled, his eyes still glued to the floor. I had been seconds away from laying my hand over his jaw so I could get a better look at the wound but his muttered admission froze me to the spot. '_Casey hit him?!? What the fuck for? What reason could she have? Were they fighting earlier? That doesn't make sense they never fight. Was it an accident? Were they just tussling about and she hooked him by mistake?' _ I told my brain to shut up, its yammering not aiding a damn thing. There would be answers later I'd make sure of it, but for now I needed to focus on helping Alex get the swelling to go down. My hand reached out and cupped his cheek as lightly as possible. I needed to see his eyes, to figure out how I could be the most useful or figure out what he needed me to do. Yet the moment he turned those vibrant green eyes towards me with my hand urging him on I wished he hadn't. There was neither an ice pack cold enough nor a Band-Aid big enough to fix the damage his eyes portrayed.

'This doesn't make sense!' I kept shouting at myself mentally as I led Alex to the kitchen and got a zip bag for him filled with ice. Of course yelling in one's own head is not useful so I busied myself making Alex sit on my bed once we were back in my room and plying him with a refined version of my original questions.

"Ok, now that you have some ice on it and it's cleaned up; tell me what happened?" I kept my tone even, I couldn't get over excited with assumptions; it only led to trouble. Alex gave me a hard look, a hint of suspicion making his whiskers twitch as his brush of a tail curled around him defensively. After a few minutes of being stared at with a look that could have set water on fire I tried again.

"Alex please tell me what happened? Why did Casey slam the door? Why did she hit you?"

His growling sigh finally rumbled out of his lips as he shifted his gaze downwards and began what I hoped was the beginning of an explanation.

"How could you not have noticed? You've been living here for three months now." His twitching tail bristled with irritation. This of course was not the answer I had been looking for.

"Not have noticed what exactly? Remember you are the one who came to my room with a busted lip. Common sense dictates that I ask you what happened. Common courtesy implies you should answer said question." I could feel my own fur start to stand on end with the waves of tension he was giving off. It lasted a handful of seconds then vanished into nothing. One minute Alex was riled with his striped fur standing on end and the next he was a blank page; completely unreadable and giving not even a hint of information.

"It's been like this for years." He began, the tremble in his voice brought my pacing to a stop; convenient considering I hadn't realised I was doing it. I waited for him to continue too nervous to interrupt. "How much do you know about Casey and I? I know we all went to college together but like... How much do you know about our relationship?" His vibrant eyes flicking toward my face as he questioned me.

"Um.." I tried to stall finding it hard to remember any specifics; college had some fuzzy memories attached to it for me. "I know you guys went out together one night and just kind of came back with the 'announcement' I guess." The more I thought the night over in all its hazy lack of detail the more that seemed off to me. To announce that you're dating someone? Yet as far as I could recall Casey had always made the point to announce her relationship like one might announce an exclusive membership to a private club. Something must have shown in my body language because Alex gave me one of his cynical smirks; the kind that signaled he was having one of 'those' moods.

"Yes she came in and announced I was her territory now. " He nodded while readjusting the ice on his lip.

"Well isn't that a cat thing? To claim a mate like that?" I asked, admittedly not knowing a damn thing about the sexual habits of the feline culture. Hell, I didn't even pay attention to my own culture in that subject. Alex shook his head and laid his ears back as if I was talking from beneath my tail which I had already figured I was.

"No cats aren't like that normally. We aren't generally monogamous, and its more based on who wants it at one time. It's why you see three to four feline relationships going one week and then dissolving the next. Not that we don't form romantic bonds or anything; we just don't count sex as having to do with being in love." He finished very matter of fact-ly as if he was answering questions after a lecture. It was an awkward tone for an awkward subject.

"Umm alright then, way too much information thank you very much. So if Cats don't do that normally why are you guys doing it? Isn't that like.... Denying nature?" It was a phrase I didn't want to utter, to deny one's nature was like denying one's own soul. Alex's flinch made me regret asking the question all the more.

"That is EXACTLY what it is; and she's been playing this game for ages. Don't you see what I'm saying?" he was trembling slightly and I wasn't sure what was to blame.

"Whoa whoa Alex calm down ok?" his shoulders were shaking as I put my arm gingerly around them. "Now come on just because Casey comes off as I guess a little possessive doesn't mean you should just assume things. Besides you still haven't told me what happened to your lip." I didn't want to come off as disbelieving, he was obviously in distress but how do you take information like that about someone you know? That you have lived with even? I needed more information and Alex looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"She hit me because I refused to play her game anymore. Honestly Kat it happens all the time. Sure she makes sure not to do it right in front of you but fucking hell how can you be so damn oblivious?" He was all but yowling it at me, throwing my arm off himself as he moved to stand and the ice bag skittered across the floor boards. It hadn't been tears building in his throat; it was rage. "I told her tonight that I was finally done. No more pet games, no more collar, I am a Cat damn it! I deserve my freedom. I'm not some damn dog to be leashed and walked around nor some sniveling rodent to be played with and eventually devoured." He was pressing his head against the window with enough pressure I thought he'd break it.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know? I have and have had no idea what you and Casey were doing with each other ok? In case you didn't notice; different species here." I said making angry gestures towards my Mustelidae features. "Besides why come to me with this? What the hell do you expect me to do about it? Leave her if she treats you like prey. I mean I don't want to see Casey hurt any more than I want to see you suffer but ultimately it's your choice."

He didn't say anything and the silence hit the room like quick sand to swallow us whole. This had gone beyond irritating, this was downright aggravating and confusing as fuck. Not only did I have no fucking clue what was actually happening nor what in the world Alex was talking about but I had the inexplicable feeling that he wanted something from me. It had started the moment he opened my door, everything in his body was tense under his clothes. I could see it in the way he moved. Yet the bastard wouldn't tell me what it was! That was it. I had gone too long without a tangible answer to a single one of my questions. I stopped caring that his lip was busted, or that he was clearly upset, or that there might be a whole other side to Casey I had never seen. I stood with confidence, moving with nothing but a goal in my head and a question on my lips. I had a hold of the cuff of his shirt and yanked it to turn him towards me.

"What do you want from me Alex? I can't fucking read minds. If you don't tell me then I won't know." There was an authoritative tone to my voice I seldom had to use. Nevertheless, this was one of those times; where the only way to get what I needed was to challenge the order.

I dropped his sleeve, intent on taking a more imposing posture. But the moment I let go of him he reached for me. Arms wrapped tightly around my waist pressing me into the lush warm comfort of his chest. I heard the light tearing of cloth as his claws snagged the cotton of my shirt; kneading through it and straight into my brown coat to prick my flesh with tantalizing sensation. I could scarcely breathe, the world had shrunk to the sudden heat I was feeling and the rest of my senses which were going haywire. I was going to object, or at least that was what I was attempting when his muzzle closed over mine; forever silencing whatever I had been poised to say.

It may have lasted only seconds, it felt like forever. Wet and tasting of him, intense and exciting. When he pulled away just far enough to smirk at me, I wanted to punch him in the gut. My body had tightened with that one kiss like a screw beneath the head of a Phillips. My chest constricted with a lack of breath as my hardened nipples pressed against my shirt begging to be teased the same way my muzzle had been. There was no tangible reason and it was infuriating. This was my friend not my mate. Not just my friend. No this was the mate of my friend!

"What are you smirking at?" Were the first words out of my muzzle. That dominance I was unused to using rising again to the surface. I knew Alex had a more submissive nature to him, part because of his slender build and also because of his shy personality. If I could just tap into that nature or spark it I could regain control of the situation. At least that was my hope.

"That. Kathrine I have waited two months to be able to hold you and I've only dreamed of kissing. Ever since you came here I knew I wanted to taste you in as many ways possible as you'd let me." His smirk read like he'd eaten a canary. Those words were like nails being hammered into my spine. I couldn't describe what the feeling was like even if I was being paid to do so.

"Alex."

"Yes Kat?"

"Leave now."