Anger Management, Whandirlust style (a Blaquetygriss Scribble)
I was thinking, what would happen should certain characters of mine would go to an anger management class... Would they benefit it or lose it entirely? Take a breather and move on? Heed lessons and live? My characters? NOT! Read on to find out!
Quick run down on things- "Whandirlust" is the name of the place *my* characters featured here are from (working on a illustrated novel!).
I've drawn all these characters- so if your curious to see what they look like, check out my Yiffstar image gallery at:
http://hoxdna.org/gallery/Blaquetygriss
I typed this just for the heck of it. Told in third person. ENJOY!
"Anger Management Class Whandirlust Style"
Handful of heroes and villains of Whandirlust are present to partake an anger management class.
What reason? It was recommended by the "Unknown Bitchy Furry Community", who had shit else better to do other than to stress unknown Furries who are trying to break through in the Fandom by subjecting them to strenuous test to see what make them *tick*.
Scene opens up of a modest size classroom with chairs placed in a circle. Seated at the
front of class is a sly smiling brown rat female dressed in a white uniform, who has the
face of an angel and seemingly nerves of steel. Dippier than a bowl of dip, she is too
corny to bare.
"Welcome to the first class of anger management. I am your teacher and friend, Miss Kersey." She looks across her new batch of sorry sods forcing a smile, "Roll call. E
veryone raise their hand when I call your name. Rasheeda, Keesha, Gage, Black Fang,
Cypress, Kanai, Snaggletooth, Randy, Aristo and Durukai." As she gaze upon
her weird class she thinks, "More faceless Furries added to the Fandom, tsk,
tsk, tsk. There are so many... Well, lets go on with the show so I can
get paid in peanut butter! I LOVE peanut butter!"
Sporadically the class responds, "Hello Miss Kersey..."
"Rejoice!" Kersey Jumps up, "You all have made the first achievement by coming here,
admitting you have a problem."
The class look at each other perplexed, from the rear mumbles,
"I don't have a fahking problem."
She looks over her paperwork, "Oh, must be the bad English accent Chimera thing.
'Ignore the ignorant' I always say. Anyhow, first lesson in preventive anger
is to breath. Everyone breath and chant after me, boo-boo-neary. Again. Boo-boo-neary."
Kanai the wolf chuckles, "She said boo-boo..."
"Shut up boy, this isn't a game." Snaggletooth, another wolf, smacks Kanai.
Kersey claps her hands, "Hey! Don't hit your neighbor. We are all one in the
great scheme that is 'Unknown Furry'. Love Thy neighbor."
Everyone looks at Rasheeda.
"Wait a minute! I am a good girl now. I only sleep with one guy per story...
I mean one guy per month- year... Ah what the hell. I'm fucking the chimera now.
And what of it?" She stands up singing and dances, "It's my pussy! I do
what I want to do! It's my pussy! I screw who I want to screw! It's my pussy!
It's mine! It's mine!"
Durukai licks his lips, "Technically it's mine." The two drown each other
in tongue kissing.
Frantically Kersey claps her hands, "This is anger management class! Not Nooky class!"
"She said Nooky!"
"Boy, didn't I tell you to shut up!"
"I'm mad cause I can't get Nooky! Or boo-boo! I can't get no love! No one loves wolves!"
"It's cause you Fuckers are all over the damn place! Everywhere I look it's
wolf-wolf-wolf-wolf or fox-fox-fox-fox! DAMN IT! I can't take it anymore!
Stop it with the dogs!" Keesha pulls her hair.
"You're a dog... Half dog and chicken, you dog-birded bitch!"
Next thing Kanai and Keesha smack each other!
Kersey rubs her forehead mumbling to herself, "Boo-boo-neary. Boo-boo-neary..."
"What the hell is a boo-boo-neary anyway? Some sort of demonic chant to bears
from Jellystone Park?" Aristo snickers.
"This is a waist of my time." Gage kicks over a chair, "Damn boo-boo-neary my ass! I'll boo-boo her neary!"
"Students! Students! Lets start this over. Everyone sit down, breath in and take out
the item from beneath your seat." She points at the horny couple, "That goes for you two. In fact, you two sit across the class from each other." Playfully Rasheeda flutters to another seat. Durukai glares at the rat teacher. "Shh! Don't say anything.
Just take deep breaths. In your case a jug of Zoloft."
"Fahk you. Med'ahcation don't do a thing fah me."
"You sure that's English he's speaking?" Cypress scratch his head. "Partner, repeat
after me, it's fuck you- not fahk you. There is no ah in fuck."
"There is a ah when I fuck someone! Ah! Ah! Ah!" Laughs Gage.
"Don't flatter yourself monkey, I couldn't tell if you was inside of me or out!" Sneers Rasheeda.
"Bitch, of course not, you're too loose!"
"Don't tahk to her like that! I'll skin ya a'live!"
"What the fuck did white-fuzzy-freak say to me? Repeat that? I can't understand shit coming out of your mouth!"
Coolly Black Fang says, "Cause he is shit. A load of bullshit like this bullshit ass class!"
"Class! Breath. Breath again. Count to ten and take the item from beneath your seats."
As instructed, they do so. Only to realize its a little baby-doll with a bright fake cheery smile.
Kersey continues, "See this doll? Should you all become well known, Furries will smile like these 'Booky-bright-eyes dolls'. They will smile and 'say gee golly whiz mister,
new friends to paw off to'! Well, some of them will. Some of you look most disturbing."
Her eyes unwittingly glance at Gage and Durukai. Gage gave her the finger.
However, Durukai is busy pulling the insides out the doll! "Mister Durukai, stop goring out the doll!"
He replies with biting it's head off.
"You broke a $30 doll! You'll pay for that mister!"
"$30?" Black Fang picks the thing up by the leg like a disgusting insect,
"You could've went to the good will and get a doll for a buck!"
"Its a steal! I pay $400 for my dolls!" Kanai grabs attention.
"It's cause you fuck your dolls you dumb ass!"
"Watch your mouths! Sheesh you all are so vulgar!"
"I'm not. And I'm the snake. Actually, this isn't so bad." Randy the cobra
enlightens, "You're lucky they haven't broken out into a physical fight."
Aristo badly imitates Randy, "I'm not, and I'm the snake. Who gives a rat's ass what you are."
"I could enjoy some rat ass right about now." Gage blows a kiss at Kersey.
"Sorry, I don't do lemurs old enough to be my grandfather."
"Ooo! She called you old!" Picks Kanai. Gage slaps the shit out of the wolf.
"Hell, I'm nothing compared to white-fuzzy-freak back there! He's pushing a thousand centuries!"
Everyone glances at the chimera who is laid back with legs sprawled wide open,
looks back unemotionally, "Who the fahk you're ahl looking aht?"
Aristo leans over to Rasheeda, "Translate what he just said."
"You must like 'old-as-dirt' dick." Kanai butts in. "I can cover my dick with dirt. Will you love me too?" His eyes lit with hope.
"Hell no! Besides, I'm spoken for."
"She's spoken for until the next dick head comes along with wealth and fame. Then it's game over." Gage complains.
"You're mad cause no one digs monkeys. Especially ugly ones."
"The doll!" Kersey tries to regain control of the class, "Look at the doll! It smiles! Smile too!"
"Fahk you and 'is blasted doll! I don't need angah man'ahj'ment!"
"Seriously Rasheeda. Translate for us." Aristo retorts.
"Hey, anyone who could pass for being a furry, say I!" Black Fang then faces Durukai,
"Keep your hand down. No one knows what the fuck you are. You bleached faced, black lipped, ugly bastard!"
"Say waht you want. I still get tha pussy."
"It's true!" Kanai rolls over whining, "He gets laid! Everyone gets laid... But I can't get laid! No one loves me!"
"Don't worry. I still love you." Gage kisses Kanai. Faces turns blank. Aristo covers his ass. Randy coughs looking away.
"Holy pokin crahkas! He's a bloody ass-stickah!"
Aristo form words, Rasheeda replies before he could speak, "I'm not translating. Give it up."
Kersey pop a few pills and takes a long drink. She slams her glass upon her desk,
"I should have a camera rolling. I could make money on you all. Call it the 'Screwy Furry Talk Show'.
Or 'The Awfully Bad talking Animal Show'."
"What happened to boo-boo-neary?" Asks Randy.
Frazzled she picks up a doll, "See the doll? Smile like the got damn doll! Now smile!
When you attend Fur Cons you all will need to smile. Now SMILE! All of you, smile like
you're getting a million dollars."
"Do you have a buck fifty? I need it to pay for my dry cleaners." Kanai digs into this fanny pack.
"What dry cleaning? You don't wear clothes asshole!" Cypress whacks Kanai's head!
"I'll smile if you two would just shut the fuck up! You're making me miss Oprah Winfrey!
They're having a show on resorts too!" carps Black Fang.
"Resorts is good! Everyone imagine themselves at a resort. Imagine... Imagine..."
Kersey sits yoga style meditating. Eyes closed. Everyone imitates her.
Her eye peeks open, her eyes lock onto Gage! Who is sitting next to her
looking down her blouse! "Control yourself mister!"
"I am controlled. Are you? Your nipples are hard."
She looks down and blushes, "I'm cold. Now go back to your seat!"
mischievously he done so. "Think of a place you wish to be."
"Ah'ny where but he'ah."
Kersey slaps her forehead and looks at Rasheeda, "What were you smoking when you
decided to be with that thing? Cause if you have it on you, pass it along.
I need it to literally ignore the heck out of him!"
Everyone sits back shaking their head no. Black Fang waves his paw, "No shorty,
no one here does drugs. Not even the psychotic chimera."
"Metaphorically speaking." She talks through her teeth. "I could use a drink
of apple juice. Anyone up for apple juice?" Peacefully she walks to her little
fridgerator to serve juice to everyone. Rasheeda and Keesha took a drink without
a problem, so did Aristo and Randy along with the wolves. Durukai throws the cup
over his shoulder. Gage kisses Kersey's hand. Quickly she sits in her chair and
pulls out a jar of peanut butter, whips out a spoon and dove into it. Every
mouthful she groaned as if having sex. She loved her peanut butter. Nothing made
her happier than eating peanut butter! It gotten so bad until her nipples were so
hard they could spear her shirt.
The guys stared at her. Everyone but Durukai, he was busy gutting out dolls with his claws in a corner.
"I so wish I could be that spoon right now." Slobs Kanai.
"Before this class is over with, I will be that spoon." Plots Gage.
Keesha and Rasheeda look at each other, "Damn, could we get some of the peanut butter?"
Miss Kersey stops and glances at her audience, "Oh? Sorry. I love peanut butter."
Her noise twitches. "What's that burning smell?"
"Rasheeda's pussy?" Insults Gage.
"Fuck you Gage. Fuck you with a pitchfork."
"Shush! There is a burning smell..." Black Fang sniffs the air heavily.
Likewise everyone breathed deeply.
All eyes lowered down on Durukai, who is in the corner burning dolls!
"Gleaming yo'ah happy willies at me will you? Die you smiling bah'stards! Burn in hell the lot of you!"
Quickly the flame gotten larger!
Gage grabs Kanai by the leg and used his him to beat the fire out! Kanai screams in terror! Poof the fire is out.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm all for bon fires but you're wackier than coffee induced ferrets!" Grouse the lemur.
"Don't speak of fah'rets. Damn things bite my toes! Fahk the lot of 'em with blow torches."
"And I like ferrets too." Whines Rasheeda.
Durukai holds his unpredictable lover, petting her head, "Don't worry. I only rammed the torch up the'ah ass, I did!"
"Gross! You mean ass!"
Everyone settles down noticing a wet gushing sound.
Lo behold in the corner, Gage's face buried in Kersey's pussy as she enjoys her peanut butter.
"I'll need mental help after this is over!" Scream Randy leaving the room.
"So I guess this means we failed the class?" Worries Kanai.
"Nah. No one will remember us anyway. Let's head out and steal candy from little snot nosed kids." Suggests Cypress.
"I'm game. Let's go before Gage decides to poke us too." Black Fang leads his wolf comrades out the room.
Everyone left the rat and lemur to their lonesome.
"Don't, forget, to, come back!" Kersey screams in delight, "Every... Oh... Damn... Boo-boo-neary... Oh... Lick it good... Oh shit you're good... *gasp*"
"Don't forget to breath..." Purrs Gage.
The End
(c) Blaquetygriss 2004