FSE

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My granny used to tell me a proverb: you can not plan the outcome. Well, I guess it was more of a lesson-- granny wasn't very eloquent. She was raised in a time when king cotton was picked by the school-children at the rate of one dime to one pound. One pound of cotton can be woven into 653 one-hundred dollar bills and eight hundred and fourty yards of yarn; but, since she came from the land before time, sex, television, rock and roll, and her favorite video slots, there probably wasn't too much else to do but pick cotton--maybe even for fun. But you never argued any fact or gave anything that could be construed as back-sass with granny-- she may be old, but she still has it in her to beat you-- at least that's what she tells us.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and, therefore, is wing-ed cupid painted blind." K recited to me. Then he sipped his coke and waited for a response from me. An awkward cartesian quarter of a minute had passed.

"It's beautiful... but uhh... where'd you get it? I know you didn't say it first. This is the year 2012... we don't say 'wing-ed'" I bantered at his soft nearly perfectly symmetrical face.

"Well, it's Shakespeare of course." He looked disappointed that I had missed his 500 year old reference. I looked at him disappointed in myself for disappointing him. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing... it's fine..." I babbled off. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No. I'm not. The course of true love never did run smooth. Now back to my question you avoided. No, it's not fine. It's something. I can see it in your eyes. They look like someone had stabbed you until I said something. You can't avoid the question-- your face says the truth."

I bit down slightly on my tongue.

"Now you're nervous." K said nonchalantly. "Your face..."

There are moments in life that are sink or swim. You know you can accomplish what you want to do but your afraid of the repercussions of jumping from the high dive, singing in front of people, and especially making the first move. It's terrifying. I was having one of those moments. I wanted to tell him all about how I had been waiting to meet him, to know his name, to kiss his face-- I had done it a thousand times since the night of the tittie fiasco. But I couldn't even have a real conversation.

"Be as thou was want to be; see as thou was want to see." K recited.

And I freaked out. "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. The Jager. You understand." I stammered. I didn't even wait for a response before I was gone.

And it took Ms. Kraven thirty-six seconds to swoop in on him and drag him to the dance floor.

Meanwhile, the cunning wolf was on the prowl. His eyes were slanted and staring at any straight female hole he could eye-fuck. His name was Le Roux. He was dressed in a dark drakkar suit that accentuated his body which sent a different message than his face-- he never really smiled. That was probably due to the bitch of a wife he had who insisted that if he was going to spend his time at a gay bar-- which he owned through inheritance-- she was going to be there too.

He had recently returned from France when he changed his name. With his name he also brought several bottles of absinthe in dark green and square bottles which he cleverly marked with old Jager bottle stickers in order to easily get them through U.S. Customs. This night he had brought a couple of such bottles with him since his wife had come an hour later than he to that nasty fag bar what all the faggots went to.

He summoned his twinky bartender and passed the bottle to him.

"Give this to that woman over there," he pointed to the stage which was just passed the dance floor. "and don't tell a soul."

The twinky bartender agreed but didn't get a specific on her. Her could have been anyone. "Don't worry, Roux.. this'll be hers-es." the twinky raccoon responded.

It was about then that I had departed from my piss, face wash, and pep talk I had with myself in the bathroom and was grabbed on the arm by Ms. Kraven and dragged to the bar.

"Come on Fifi! I've found the most handsome boy and we will celebrate with a drink!" I started to resist her. "No. no. no. no. Ms. Fii... We are drinking..." she waved to the twinky raccoon. "Hey Barkeep! Who's four inch dick do I have to suck dry to get two strong Jager bombs over here?!"

"Yup... you deserve it," he said. "I hope you enjoy it." and we both looked away as he poured two quadruple shots of absinthe with a tinge of Redbull. "Drink up, love." and he left to get another thirsty patron.

We chugged and before I even had time to comprehend the strangely dark and desperate taste of my drink, I was being whisked away by my already drunk compatriot who was on a cupid's arrow trail which bulls-eyed on my reptile's ass. I almost threw-up, but then I saw it. He had a blemish-- a sweet singularity on the perfect face of my new lover.

"This," Kraven stopped to giggle, "is my new lover...K." she grabbed a hold of him and squeezed hard, balancing only because of his impeccable posture.

"lover?" K responded. he tried to pull away from her death grip.

"K?" I asked. "His name is K?" I put my hand over my mouth. I never asked his name.

"Yes, Fifi... K..." she looked K in his eyes and he turned his face away from her, "My lover." K tried to pull away a little more but the death grip was impregnable to outside stimuli.

My heart broke and my emotions took over me as I let a single tear escape my eyeduct. I put on my read-a-bitch face.

"Whoa. I am not his lover." K said. Ms. Kraven released her grip and looked at him shocked. I looked up. "Your name is Fifi?" I bit my tongue.

"Actually, my name if Fenix, Fenix Rae." I stammered, trying not to look K in the eyes.

"Good, because Fifi is kind of a stupid name." K said. Ms. Kraven gasped and threw her left arm over her eyes.

"I thought so too." I said. and Ms. Kraven collapsed.

The dance floor lit up with shock as a drag queen had just fainted. Ms. Kraven's tuck untucked itself from the shock of hitting the floor and her bulge was easily seen from any angle. Whoever she might have tricked with her female imitation knew at that point she was a male black cat in a dress. Le Roux rushed to the bar and disappeared with the absinthe who had taken the wrong target. Le Roux's wife was supposed to have drank the absinthe and passed out so he could have his fun with the pick of the litter.

"Come now Ms. Kraven... Haven't you had your fun?" Tina Rose Deshawntel, the drag queen who had the real honest to god girl titties came and picked her up off the floor. It seemed that Ms. Kraven did have friends. Some that even had surgically implanted tits.

"The course of true love never did run smooth," K recited.

I looked into K's eyes. "K... I really like you..." I slurred.

"Yeah..." He said. His eyes looked concerned.

Then the world started spinning out of control, my vision went dark, and I fell to the floor. I fell hard, I heard the sound of my limp body hitting the floor but I never felt the sting crash through my nerves. I couldn't open my eyes and I lost consciousness.

I had the strangest fantasies. I was swimming in dark greenish-brown liquid. There was no destination. There was no one around. Then I heard a bump. The ocean began to crash as if a maelstrom had begun to ravage the seascape. I was tossed about like a plank of wood on an endless, dense, and viscous sea of some strange liquid. I couldn't move anymore. I was stuck flat and left surfing until I heard a sizzle.

The ocean doesn't sizzle and it isn't a brownish green.

I opened my eyes staring straight up. A headache shot through my frontal lobe. It was Sunday. My name was Fenix Rae. I was a fox. The last person I saw was K. He said the course of true love never did run smooth. K was a reptile, or lizard, or something. He had the most beautiful blemish. The ceiling was white. The walls were blue.

the walls were blue?

"Where the fuck am I?" I choked out softly, my mouth and throat sore and intenesly dry.

"Well, goodmorning sleepy-head!" My vision wasn't quite with me yet. "Let me get you some water and Tylenol and with any luck we can get you out of bed safely."

"What time is it?" I asked out.

"if you'd drink this water," said the voice, "then all of your concerns will fade away like a bad nightmare, or, with some luck, a clandestine dream come true."

"...ok..." I choked. There was no use arguing with someone I couldn't even see. I guess time didn't matter.

"but then again," the voice said. "The course of true love never did run smooth."