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Chapter 5

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KNV Ceokera

Peter

When Kisara and I had both calmed down, I looked her in the eye and said, "Now that my heart's started beating again, why don't you tell me what's happening."

Kisara looked exactly like a dog that's been caught in the trash. "I--I--I--called you 'Felix,'" she said.

"Okaaaay. How come?"

Kisara's expression returned to neutral, but I could tell her mind was turbulent. She had a supernatural drive to pursue her investigation.

"Peter," she began, then stopped. "Captain. There's something I need to discuss that might seem ridiculous."

"I can sense that you believe what you are saying. I won't judge you for it."

"I need to tell you this, but I don't know how to start--" she babbled.

"You called me 'Felix,'" I reminded her in a soothing tone. "Why?"

"I--I don't know why, but I honestly believe that you are...somehow," Kisara began. "Your morphing claws are exactly like ours, you're the only person who's ever repeated Felix's words about the injector, and the transwarp signature of your ship is even like those of Felix's era. You told me yourself that most things happen by design and we need only to dig for the reasons. Well, I've been doing some serious digging. Early in life, I've learned to go with my gut feelings. I have a gut feeling about this, and it's far too strong to ignore. I can't explain it, but it's there."

Kisara stared at me, willing me to see her perspective.

"What you say is...intriguing," I told her. "And I can see that you believe it is true. But how can it be?"

"You want to know how to verify it," she said. "Well...on the Lindbergh you explained what it is to be a master, that you understand the physical world is actually illusions. If that's true, and where we go when we die we can return from when the time is right...am I anywhere close to what you understand?"

"You believe I've lived a previous life as Felix and I have a human form now."

"That's exactly what I believe. Can you check it?"

"Yes."

I assumed a contemplative posture and closed my eyes. Checking events in previous lives is easy for those who know how. I had simply never done it. When I had searched for lessons from past existences, I had asked for the feelings and guidance instincts associated with them. Now, I asked for the entirety of my previous life in the physical world. To my great surprise, I learned that Kisara was right. I had indeed been Felix Steiger, transwarp test pilot--and Kisara's mate.

I ran all the way back to the beginning of Felix's forty-year lifetime to re-familiarize myself with him, with Kisara, and with Kataran society in general. On my way back to the current time, as I made my way through my experiences between lives, I marveled at how well they had prepared me for this lifetime, even, or especially, for the meeting with Kisara. As I returned entirely to the Ceokera I opened my eyes, looked up and said, "You were right, Kisara."

"But why?" she asked.

"Why what?"

"Why were we separated so abruptly, and then reunited this way after more than a century?"

"Well, as far as I can tell, this sort of thing happens when two people need to work on things individually for a while. They end up spending a certain amount of time apart to learn things that will help them later on, after they find each other again."

"Which is what has just happened. Finding each other again, I mean."

"Yes."

"You know, if you think about it, this is an incredibly strange situation. I mean, you're a completely different species from me now!"

"Yes. But I think I can make it less strange." I reached for the signature of Felix's DNA from shortly before the accident, and used it to change from Peter to Felix.

When the change was complete, Kisara stared at me with a look of disbelief, but her expression soon changed to the familiar smile that meant she loved me more than anything. I returned a smile of my own, which she knew meant I felt the same way. Our hands stretched out to clasp each other's for a moment, and then we got to our feet--paws--and embraced. At exactly the same instant, we whispered in each other's ear, "I've missed you so much."

A strange thing happened then. We drew apart, chuckling. As we looked at each other, we started giggling. The giggling soon increased to full-blown belly laughs. After a short time, our laughter died down.

I looked at Kisara. "What was that all about?" I asked her.

"It felt so good to see you again, Felix," she replied. "I couldn't help myself."

I analyzed my own reaction. "I felt the same way, too."

Kisara and I embraced again. There was no laughing this time; we just held each other tightly and breathed in each other's scent.

I don't know how long we stayed that way, but eventually Kisara drew away and looked me over with an analytical eye.

"Felix, you're still forty years old. I suppose that's to be expected, because it's how long you lived before. But I'm a hundred and fifty now. Is there something you can do about that?"

I smiled. "There is indeed." I ran Felix's genetic program forward, aging my body to match Kisara's. In moments, I was a hundred and fifty as well.

Kisara looked betrayed. "Felix!" she barked, "what have you done? Why did you age yourself? I wanted you to make me forty again!"

"I know, Kisara. But, if I took a century off you, then I would be obligated to do the same to your friends, your crew, perhaps the entire universe. You know that would be impractical."

Kisara's anger evaporated. "Yes, I see it, Felix. I'm sorry for being selfish, but I thought it was the only way to get back the time we lost."

I gently kissed my reunited mate. "Kisara, we will never get back the time we lost. But I promise you this: as long as I am with you, we will be together for a sufficient time."

Kisara kissed me back. "A cryptic promise, but I think I understand," she said. "And I would rather live a single partial lifetime with you than a hundred full lifetimes without you."

I clasped Kisara's paws in mine. "Speaking of time together--now that we're back together, what are we going to do?"

Kisara looked at me mischievously. "I can think of a few things."

"So can I, but I think we'd better not right now. If someone heard us, there might be questions we're not ready to answer. I meant, where are we going to live, for starters. Our planets are three thousand light-years apart. We'll have to choose one. And one of us may have to give up a career."

Kisara let go of my left paw and led me over to a stone ledge near the floor of the den. We sat down and she turned to me with a serious expression. "Well, let's see. One: we decide to live somewhere in the Republic. You would have to leave your Terran home, family, and friends and probably some of your Alliance equipment."

"Which I would be willing to do. Option two: we decide to live on Earth. You would have to leave your home, family, and friends and you'd have to give up command of the Ceokera."

"Which I would definitely do for you. If we live in the Republic, you would be welcome there, though some would be suspicious of your identity no matter what we told them. Our scientists would be glad to have you help them with transwarp experiments if you were willing."

"And if we live on Earth, you would encounter a civilization that, while composed of a huge percentage of good people, seems always to be at the brink of some disaster. Our technology is just beginning to enter a stage you might recognize. And I can't guarantee how they'd respond to us; most humans don't believe in offworld cultures."

"Ah," said Kisara, "a challenge."

"Pardon me?"

"It's been a long time since I've done a cultural survey. I want to see Earth. Space mapping is rewarding, but it gets boring fast. I'll live on Earth with you and study the planet and its cultures."

"You want to come to Earth with me? That's wonderful! But...your career..."

"You're more important than my career, Felix. Besides, I wouldn't really be giving it up, would I? Surely you'd make me an Alliance officer?"

"Not just an officer, First Officer," I said. "And why not Chief Engineer while we're at it? But, Kisara, you have a command and a crew right here. Are you just going to leave them?"

"It will be difficult for the crew, especially my senior staff. We've remained quite close since the transwarp project. As for my command, I can send my resignation from here. I don't like to keep secrets from the crew, but I think the reason for my departure should remain unstated for now. Besides, Andrea is smart enough to figure out what's happened. I wouldn't leave her in command of the Ceokera if she weren't."

"You're sure this is what you want to do?"

"Are you trying to talk me out of this? I want to be with you, Felix, and I want to live with you on Earth. This is what I need to do to make that happen."

Kisara and I decided we could probably still get some sleep that night, but there was one thing left to do first.

"Kisara," I said, "I want to tell you that I'm proud of you."

She plastered a kiss on my muzzle. "Thank you! And I'm proud of you, too! You've accomplished more than I could have imagined!"

"Thank you, Kisara. I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow."

After one last kiss we curled up together in her bed, just like countless times before, now that I remembered them. I didn't wake again that night; my reunion with Kisara had been mentally and emotionally taxing.