FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

1. First Day

It rained the next day, bringing a chill to the air that pierced right through fur and made bones ache. Keurin woke to the sound of soft thunder rolling over the ocean which whipped the beach mercilessly. Looking down out of his window he saw an old couple walking along the coast in the rain; probably making small talk or recalling past vacations; her arm in his, head against his shoulder; enjoying walking in the rain and life like one who still remembers what it means to live.

Keurin watched them for a long time, chuckling softly as the husband would bend over occasionally to pick up a stone or shell and skip it across the waters. The dragon wanted to do that: walk along the beach in the rain with his lover.

Keurin lazed around the condo that morning as he waited to go into work, clad only in his boxers; it was chilly outside, but the condo was pleasantly warm. Even the wood floors felt nice and soothed the dragon's feet that had begun to ache from walking back and forth so much the day before.

Thinking about his job made his mind drift back to Toby and the bookstore. Deep down he couldn't believe that Marc had gotten over him so quickly; it made Keurin question his self-worth. The dragon had drifted into the bathroom and was looking in the mirror, evaluating and criticizing himself. He had always thought he was good looking; not gorgeous by any means, but acceptable. He turned to the side and sucked in his gut before letting out his breath. He frowned.

Okay, so maybe he was about a six on a scale of one to ten. I had always thought my personality would make up for that; I guess Marc thought otherwise, Keurin thought, furrowing his brow. He turned away from the mirror, lest his thoughts of himself turn more cruel and dark. He got dressed and went into work.

* * *

"Good afternoon!" Toby said cheerfully as Keurin ducked inside the bookstore. His demeanor was an exact opposite of the weather which had turned terrible on the drive over.

"If you say so," Keurin replied, shedding his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. It was stifling in here, as if the fox had cranked the heat from warm to center-of-the-sun. He shed his hoodie, too.

The fox gazed intently as the dragon pulled his sweatshirt up over his head, giggling to himself as Keurin's tee shirt almost came with it, climbing up his stomach and chest. Keurin yanked it back down and ran his fingers through his hair; the static electricity had frizzed out his scruff.

Keurin turned to face the fox and saw him panting softly and knew at once that this heat was deliberate. But why? He thought.

Toby was still staring at Keurin, completely content to let this moment go without words, poring over the dragon's body, picturing him shirtless and those two pointed slivers of lavender fur that sprouted from below his waistline and curled up around his stomach; wanting to see where they lead, like a treasure map, a target, or two arrows that read: Face goes here!

"So..." Keurin said and cleared his throat. "What should I do today?"

Toby frowned a little, pouting now that he knew the dragon would disappear from sight. Nevertheless his voice never lost its artificial cheerfulness:

"In the back, on one of the stock shelves near the door, there are some books that need to be organized."

"'Kay," Keurin said and left without looking back at Toby. He was free to watch the dragon walk away.

The back room was much more pleasant. It was cool here and smelled of musky books, an odor which Keurin breathed in deeply. To the left was the shelf of books. They were sticking out at impossible angles, held on the shelf merely by the force that had shoved them in there together. A few books were on the floor, splayed open like a dissected corpse. Keurin picked those up first and stacked them in alphabetical order. He then set to organizing the rest. The majority of the books were romance novels ranging from blush-inducing to downright pornographic. The dragon almost expected them to be sticky which made his hands feel dirty. He hurried through this task to be done with it.

Not quite the glamorous job I was looking for... Stocking pseudo-porn mags in a mom 'n pop bookstore... But then again, how exciting could a job stocking shelves actually be? He thought.

After Keurin finished restocking and organizing the porn, he crept back towards the front of the store. He heard the voices before he saw the pair, and his entire being screamed at him to stop - stop walking and hide - but it was too late and he stepped forward into the light.

The huskywolf's eyes snapped over to the dragon instantly even though Keurin had been completely silent. They gazed at one another blankly, as if they did not know one another. Toby watched with interest, his eyes zipping from the dragon to his ex-fiancé and back again, his tail wagging. Marc crossed his arms as the situation sunk in, his lips curving downwards in a frown. Keurin waited for him to start yelling or come over and start shaking him again. He stayed near the door to the back room, his heart aching and his eyes glassy and sad.

"Hey," Marc said, more to placate Toby than to actually initiate a conversation.

"Hey," Keurin returned in a small voice that came out little more than a crackled, dry whisper. "I'm sorry, I'm interrupting."

The dragon turned to leave and the huskywolf nodded... and the fox spoke up brightly as if he didn't realize or - more likely - didn't care what he was doing.

"We were just going out for lunch, would you care to join us?"

Marc cut his eyes at Toby who was staring at Keurin and didn't notice. Then he looked at Keurin with a gaze that truly hurt the dragon: not only didn't he want Keurin to join them, but he didn't want Keurin to even consider it, even as friends - or whatever the hell they were now.

That was fine. Even if Keurin had wanted to go, his appetite was utterly gone. So, forcing a smile which caused Marc's shoulders to drop and his ears to disappear as they lay flat against his head, Keurin declined.

"Are you sure?" Toby persisted.

"I'm sure," Keurin mumbled, averting his eyes. "You two have fun."

"Oh, well all right. We're going to close early, then. Lock up when you leave, okay?"

"Okay."

Marc nodded, satisfied and tucked Toby under his arm. They left, Marc gazing over his shoulder at the dragon who disappeared back into the storeroom.

"No... no, no, no," Keurin chanted, bringing his fists up to his forehead. "I will not shed tears for him; I will not cry for him; I will not."

The tears fell anyway, but Keurin refused to acknowledge them. He tapped his fists against his brow, trying to force himself to calm down. He sniffled, coughed, and then sneezed. After that, he left. It was three in the afternoon, and school traffic was heavy. He drove directly to his condo and fell numbly across the cough. His eyes ached and were still red and puffy - the frustration of being stuck in traffic and being stared at by a bunch of children had caused him to cry again.

He had almost drifted off when someone pounded angrily on the door. Keurin lay there, ignoring it, his face turned toward the window, watching the rain slip down the glass in vein-like rivulets.

The knocking persisted: knock, knock, knock.

Keurin still refused to answer.

"Open the door, Keurin!" the voice yelled.

The dragon jumped up, his eyes shooting open. How did he find out where the dragon lived? Why was he here? Trembling visibly, he stumbled over to the door and cracked it open. The huskywolf stood before him, panting softly, smelling of lunch: garlic and parmesan cheese - chicken marsala, how ironic. Keurin stared at him emptily, waiting - welcoming, hoping - for the huskywolf to just end it.

Instead, Marc asked, "Can I come in?"

The dragon was so taken aback that he stepped aside without protest, letting the man enter.

"Nice place," Marc said as he leaned against the kitchen counter. He looked over at Keurin who shut the door quietly and kept his gaze down. "Why do you suddenly pop up with the one guy I'm interested in?"

Keurin hiccupped at that, feeling a prick of pain now that he knew Marc was no longer interested in him even in the slightest. "I..." he began, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "I was just looking for a job... I didn't know, I promise. I'll quit the job, don't worry." He kept his gaze away from Marc.

The huskywolf sighed, caressing one of his temples with his fingertips. "I don't want you to quit; I just want to know if you have any ulterior motives or not."

"Motives...?"

"Like breaking me and Toby up."

"I would never do that!" the dragon screamed, suddenly looking up at Marc. "Yes, it hurts to see you with him; it hurts to see you've moved on so well that you're already engaged whereas I'm not moving on and I can't even talk to the guy I have feelings for now! Yes, all of that hurts me, but not so badly that I want to ruin your life!"

"Have... have you been crying?"

Keurin shrugged, sniffling once. "Something... in eye..." he mumbled.

"I, uh... I'm sorry, Keurin."

"No, you're fine, Marc..." Keurin wiped his hand through the air, smudging away something only he could see. "I'm sorry I kissed you the other day. If I had known you were engaged, I wouldn't have done it." Keurin slipped past the man, walking with his arms crossed and his eyes forward, not looking at Marc.

Marc followed Keurin over to the living room, sitting down on the couch next to the dragon. He hesitated for a moment and then put his hand on the dragon's shoulder.

"You couldn't have known... I purposely kept it from everyone so it wouldn't hurt you, you know?"

The dragon nodded. "I guess I should thank you for that... for trying to spare my feelings but, once again, I ruin everything between us."

"Shut up," Marc said softly, squeezing Keurin's shoulder. "You didn't ruin anything."

"Are we getting back together?"

"What?"

"I said, 'Are we getting back together?'"

Marc was quiet for a long time, afraid to answer. Truth be told, he didn't actually know the answer.

"Your silence says it all," Keurin said, chuckling bitterly. "Promise me you'll be happy - that you'll try your best and make it work out with him. I don't want you hurt again, okay?"

The huskywolf sniffled and pulled Keurin against him, putting his arm across the dragon's shoulders.

"You're such a jerk," Marc said softly, ironically.

Keurin rest his head on Marc's shoulder, closed his eyes, and laughed softly. "Yeah..."

"You know... we can still be friends..."

"I know..."

"And... this thing with Toby doesn't mean we can't still hang out... or in this case start hanging out again."

Keurin nodded, repeating, "I know..." His cheek rubbed against Marc's chest slowly, comfortingly, like a child with his mother.

"Maybe one day, things can go back to the way they were...?"

This time Keurin was silent.

"Keurin?" "Hush... just let me enjoy being in your arms for a while longer..."

Marc put his other arm around the dragon and held him close. They fell over onto the couch. Keurin clung to Marc and pressed himself against the huskywolf. He smelled good, familiar. Keurin closed his eyes, smiling a little as Marc began to run his fingers through the dragon's hair.

Then, without warning and with no argument from Keurin, Marc kissed him.

1. Dreams Come True

Hours later, Keurin pulled his shirt back on as Marc rose to leave. They held hands and walked to the door. Marc turned to Keurin and brought a hand up to caress his cheek gently. Keurin placed his hand upon Marc's and leaned in for another kiss. The huskywolf brushed his lips against the dragon's, breathing softly, tasting his lips.

Marc's eyes glittered in the afternoon light. "Do you think," he began, "That we could hang out sometime? Play some video games like we used to?"

The dragon nodded, smiling warmly. "Yes... yes, we most definitely can... My cell number is still the same... do you need it?"

Marc pulled out his phone, pressed a few buttons, and turned the screen to face Keurin. There was his name, with one of those little "<3" hearts. Keurin fell into Marc's arms, squeezing him tight.

"Even after everything that's happened, I could never see my life without you in it; as a friend or otherwise."

"Oh, Marc..."

"Listen, I gotta go. Call or text me, 'kay?"

"I will," Keurin replied, letting the man go.

Marc left, staring at Keurin painfully until the very last moment when the door clicked shut. Keurin stood in place for a long time, feeling too many emotions to name. His heart beat hard against his chest. His eyes were still sore from weeping when Marc had interrupted their time together to say he had to go.

* * *

Keurin woke suddenly to the sound of someone pounding on his door. He sat forward, looking out the window. His head ached a little bit, and his heart was thrumming painfully.

Did Marc forget something? Keurin thought as he stumbled to the door.

"Open the door, Keurin!" the voice yelled.

The dragon blinked a few times, wiping his eyes with his fists. He opened the door and saw the huskywolf indeed standing there before him again. Keurin stepped aside to let the man enter. He stood facing away from Keurin.

"Marc? Are you okay? Did you forget something?" Keurin asked, placing his hand on the man's shoulder.

"Forget? I just got here," Marc spat, shrugging Keurin's hand away.

The dragon took a step back, "Didn't we just..." he motioned to the couch, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to speak, his hand waving frantically.

Mac turned to face him then, his hands balling into tight fists. "I just got back from lunch with Toby and I'd like to know how, out of all the guys in this huge goddamn city, you ended up working with him!"

"What? I just... didn't we just...?" Keurin repeated, his hands going up to the sides of his face in horror.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" Marc hissed, his upper lip pulled away to expose his teeth.

"N-no, I just... didn't we just-"

"Just what, Keurin!"

"Sleep together!" Keurin screamed and then covered his mouth, babbling quickly: "You came over and we talked and-"

Marc flushed out of both anger and embarrassment. "Look," he began, "I don't know what you think happened, but I've been with my fiancé all afternoon."

"So it was a dream then..." Keurin said, utterly defeated. He fell backwards against the wall, sliding down it.

"Yeah. It was a dream. That's all you and I will ever be: a dream."

Keurin nodded slowly.

"Now tell me why the hell you're hanging around my boyfriend!"

"I didn't know... or else I wouldn't have started working there, I promise," he repeated, just as he had done in the dream. He had a sick feeling of déjà vu, not quite so strange in this case.

"Oh, I'm sure. Who told you? Alicia? Jacob? Your nosy mother?"

Keurin's cheeks burned hotly, he scrambled to his feet. "Don't you come into my house and insult my mom! You forget she stood up for you against yours!"

Marc swiped at the air before him, seeming to want to strike Keurin. The dragon backed away until he was against the wall again.

"You're lucky Toby wants me to play nice with you," the man said, the severity in his voice and what he implied terrifying Keurin. "If you are planning to," Marc began again, "Or think that you can break him and me up, then you and I are going to have trouble. Regardless of what he's asked me not to do. Got that?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Yeah. I am. I'm not playing games with you. If you try to hurt either of us, you'll be the one hurt."

"I don't want to hurt you!" Keurin screamed, his voice finally breaking. "I'm glad you're happy! I'm glad you found someone! Why can't you just believe that?"

"Because you sure as hell didn't care when you decided to ignore me for your shitty writing; you sure as hell didn't care when you packed up and left this town; you sure as hell didn't care when you barged back into everyone's lives and just happened to take a job working for my fiancé! You expect me to believe that's just some kinda coincidence?"

"I cared... I've always cared... I tried calling you for weeks after you left me, but you wouldn't answer... I went to your house and your mom turned me away every time. I moved away because I needed a fresh start, a place to recollect my thoughts and move on. And guess what? I finally have now. Even while Toby gushed over you, I still had hopes that we could at least be friends. That's why I tried to give you back your ring; that's why I sat outside waiting for you to walk home. And you know what else?" he fished around in his pockets and threw the ring at Marc. It pelted the man's chest and clattered on the ground at his feet. "I didn't sell it! I kept it, just like I kept the hope that you and I could become friends again, but you know what? No, no more. You can kindly fuck off, Marc, you can just fuck right off."

"You know, you two deserve each other," Keurin said after a moment, his mouth moving too fast for his mind and heart to stop. "You deserve him, and he deserves you. He can offset your prickishness."

He moved over to Marc, grabbing the front of the man's shirt and yanked him over to the door. He flung it open and shoved Marc out into the hallway. "And don't be so arrogant to think that I moved two-hundred miles just to get back together with you!"

"Oh please," Marc hissed. "You were always so goddamn clingy."

This time Marc wasn't fast enough to catch Keurin's wrist. His palm clapped across Marc's muzzle like thunder.

"Don't hit me, you little bitch!"

"Don't be such an asshole then! I moved back here to be with Aderrian!"

"Oh god I knew it! I knew you and he had gone behind my back!"

"Are you saying I cheated on you? You're stupid, you know that! I loved you with all my heart; I ached for you for twelve years! From the very moment I walked in that day in first grade, I loved you! ...But no more."

"Why? Because of your bad dream? You're going to be an insecure married woman now? You want me to apologize for something your messed up little mind conjured up?"

"No," Keurin murmured. "You're the insecure one... If you weren't, you wouldn't be afraid of my working with Toby; you wouldn't be afraid that I would try to break you and him up, which I won't do. No, I'm not in love with you anymore because it's so obvious that not only do you not want to be friends or just talk with me, but you came over here and threatened me. I can't be friends with someone like that; I can't love someone like that."

"Good!" the huskywolf screamed. "Good!"

"Good," Keurin muttered and closed his door.