My life with blaziken chapter 11
#11 of My life with blaziken
My life with blaziken chapter 11
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-they will all (except Patrick) be amazed and somewhat annoyed by the choice of bed that was chosen last chapter
-writers block was starting to cramp down, so I decided to blow some shit up, that always fixes things for me.
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The week at the apartment was rather uneventful, I sat around, ate some bread, had sex with Becky and got into a fight with Helios, not much there... Or did you want to hear about that? I suppose I could tell you about it, but you'd have to make it worth my while... I'm thinking I'll tell you on the condition that somebody gets me some bread. Actually I'll just tell you... Now lets do that thing where we fade into a flashback.
"I tolerated him eating my captain crunch, and I tolerated him eating my French toast. But I'll be damned if he's gonna get away with eating my bread!" I shouted, having a rather explosive outburst. Helios had gone too far this time, he can eat my cereal, he can insult my mother, he can murder my family and burn my house down, but when he eats my bread, that's where I draw the line.
"Ziken" he shouted back at me, I assume it was something similar to 'come at me bro' but that would probably be what I would have said. I hurled a few more insults at him, each one more funny and less angry than the last, the final one before we both broke out laughing was 'your such a loafer' which in old English is someone who idles time away, it doesn't make sense but its bread so who cares.
"You guys are so childish" Becky said as she walked off. But that's enough about the apartment, I'm sure you'd all rather hear about our more recent affairs. So we all just got back after having the house soundproofed, and I walk up to the house and there's the delivery truck with my new bed.
"Just in time" I said as I brought everyone up close and opened the back of the truck. There inside was the most beautiful bed I had ever seen.
"Is that bed a giant loaf of bread?" Becky asked me, apparently not aware of the bread bed sitting in front of her. We all spent the better part of twenty minutes getting it into my room, then I got layed into by everyone in the house.
"Are you fucking crazy" Becky screamed at me while throwing shoes again.
"Yes I am! Had you not figured that out already!" I countered, I was being more hilarious than angry but to make a long story short, Becky had more shoes.
"I can't believe I put up with this" she shouted again as she walked outside. This house may be soundproof but the door being open for that was not good. I was standing in my yard with half the neighborhood staring at me like I was some kind of psychotic wife beater. They were right about the psychotic part I suppose.
"Yeah.... This looks way worse than it is" I said to my neighbors. It makes me angry when people don't believe me. So I went out back with some gasoline, fifty feet of slow burning fuse and a lighter to my giant ass fire pit, or as I call it, the bomb pit. One thing I'm known for in this town is being the guy you call when you want to blow shit up. I poured the entire can out on a hollow wooden object I had filled with gunpowder.
Keep on mind that my yard is five acres in diameter with this at the center, so were good. I then wrapped some fuse around the wooden thing and wound out the rest of the strand. I then called over everyone that wanted to watch (about twenty people on a good day) and stood behind my wall of plexiglass. I proceeded to light the fuse and with a shout of
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!" I lit the fuse and people got behind my shield.
"It appears to be some kind of wall of psychic energy" I whispered to myself. Then... BBBBBOOOOOMMMMM!!!!! And damn was them some fireworks. I suppose the only reason I get away with this shit is because I drink with the police commissioner on Fridays... Or maybe I'm just amazing... Point is I get away with some crazy stuff.
"So what's got you pissed off this time" came the voice of my favorite drinking buddy.
"Commissioner Gordon (dununununununununununununu gordoooooon) how are you, I was wondering if you'd be around for today's show" I said to the tall mustached guy. He may not seem it, but he has a mind so far in the gutters he's in the basement. But he's got nothing on me. I can turn anything into a sex joke.
"My girlfriend is pissed because I bought a new bed that looks like a giant loaf of bread" I told him, he is one of the few people who can share my weird bread thing.
"Dude that's hilarious" we both laughed like nobody was their, but many people were there, so we looked crazy. So I cleaned up all the rubble and went inside, I turned on some S.O.A.D. On the radio (bought in the week at apartment because last one was melted) and sat back. Until Becky burst in yelling
"What the hell was that?" Typical Becky, show up at the last second.
"I blew some shit up" I said, trying to contain my laughter, I wasn't doing so well.
"How did you not get arrested for that" she asked, my response already forming, I put on a baseball cap and turned it around backwards
"Yo dawg, the Sheriff and me, we be tight" I said before I doubled over, struggling for breath. I got another shoe to the face, but it was worth it.
"Becky, do you think the readers find me as funny as I do?" I asked her
"YOUR BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL" she shouted and walked back to my room. I may not have respect for the American government, the homosexual population, or the people that think swag is cool, but I do love messing things up. You know the term swag was created by a group of gay men in Hollywood and meant secretly we are gay. I'm not joking, this is a legitimate historical fact.
"I wonder if I can get some sex worked into my busy schedule" I though out loud. I suppose Blaziken might still be in the mood. Where is Blaziken? Probably asleep in her and helios's new room. I walked back Nd opened the door, and I was right about sleeping, but Helios wasn't here, I wonder why? Probably in my room with Becky.
"Hey Blaziken" I said, trying to wake her up to no avail, I suppose a more direct approach could work. I sat down on the bed and started rubbing her slit, my fingers working over her clit as she began to stir. She sat up with her standard
"Blay?" But I had already started. I roamed my hand over her breast while leaning in for a passionate kiss, I slipped a finger into her cunt and pressed on her g-spot that I had long familiarized myself with. She moaned into my mouth as I slipped my cock into her with ease. Her frequent sex hadn't loosened her up at all, her folds squeezing me with practiced precision, our week in the hotel was great practice.
She had a higher endurance than Becky, but she wasn't quite up to par with me. I thrust into her repeatedly, trying to vary my speed as much as possible, always changing it up. She responded well to the changes of pace, I couldn't help but wonder what sex felt like for chicks (insert joke about Blaziken being a bird)... Was it better for them than us? Was I missing something? It doesn't really matter, I was having sex and enjoying it, aside from that not much else matters.
"Looks like someone's having fun" I heard Becky behind me while I was fucking Blaziken.
"Mind if I join in?" She asked me, trying to act calm, but I could tell she was barely controlling her lust. She didn't bother waiting for an answer and walked over and sat down, her slit inches from where Blaziken's face lay.
"Blayz" she cooed, reaching her tongue out and licking Becky's box, it was actually rather hot to see. Becky started playing with Blazikens breasts, tweaking her nipples and rubbing flesh. I pounded into Blaziken even harder than before, she wasn't expecting it and gasped into Becky's pussy. Becky moved one hand down and started rubbing Blazikens clit, her other hand still going over her tit.
"Damn you two are hot" I forced out between moans, my body having a hard time hanging on. I kept going as long as I could, but eventually I reached my peak. Becky came first, her fluids painting Blaziken's face. I came next, my dick slammed all the way into her pussy, my seed pumping deep inside her. Blaziken clamped down on me, her own orgasm forcing out everything I had.
"Holy shit" me and Becky panted, trying to catch our breath after that exhausting session. We all just lay there for a few minutes, eventually we got up and exchanged a kiss. Nothing says I'm sorry like a threesome, except maybe buying them a loaf of bread... Nah, probably the threesome. Blaziken was still out, I could see my load dripping out of her tight opening, I got a rag and cleaned her up, no point in letting it get on the bed.
Then my typhone (it's what I call my phone that looks like a Typhlosion) rang, I picked it up and got a terrible message. I had just been fired from my job, apparently a customer had an extensive enough vocabulary to understand when I insulted him. I hung up and plopped down in my chair, how would I afford the house?. How would I buy food? And most important, how would I afford to indulge my bread addiction?
"Becky, can you come here a second" I asked half heatedly into the kitchen. Becky walked out, she didn't sense the seriousness of this situation.
"I just got fired" I said to her, trying to predict how she'd react.
"Finally" she cried ecstatically, now I was confused. Why was this a good thing?
"Becky, how is that good?" I asked, hoping maybe she had a plan
"Now we can open up a buisseness selling your swords" she told me, her happy voice not faltering of a second. I guess that's possible, I already have a forge in my backyard, I have plenty of blueprints. And lots of people like sharp things. It was decided then, tomorrow I would start advertising.
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- Patrick's new job starts tomorrow, I hope it works for him
-the sex scenes are getting repetitive, I'm thinking of adding yet another pokemon to the house... What do you guys think?
-the fourth wall - an imaginary "wall" separating the fictional world from reality, having the characters acknowledge the audience is referred to as "breaking the fourth wall"... I just wanted to point that out.