My Last Thoughts
#4 of Memories of Us
The ending to the "Memories of Us".
Sad, isn't it? -sighs-
Aw well. I guess... Someday you have to let them go, no matter how much you love them, and no matter how much you might need them.
"It is quiet now... Even with Zack and Nightfyre still here, it is all silent... As if we are in mourning... But even as you are still alive, we can't help to break this emptiness we feel... Ironic... The loudest of our family, but our voices and hearts no longer speak...
I wonder... How long will it last?
As I write this now, I feel... So very broken... So very alone... The endless calm yet painful longing cages me...
Today, I set out to leave the house, and mom took me to the mall. I guess, I wanted to get my mind off all of these excruciating thoughts that have been caused by so much that has happened. It worked, for a while... But on my journey home, everything reminded me of you... It all came flooding back...
I began to remember everything... The night you consoled my heart stricken in solitude, and wiped away the tears of loneliness from my eyes... Wiped away the teardrops of agony shining bright in the streetlight that held back the night. You kept me safe as we walked on home.
I walked through the park today, her mysterious shaped forest revealing memories that were never there, only promises I always made to you... I remember promising to walk with you through this place so beautiful...
But now I walk alone... My regret spawning the only figure of you I see, an apparition of my imagination, which longs for your soft and gentle voice to speak as your lips move and the breeze of graceful wind running through our hair.
But as no sound leaves your mouth as I watch you speak to me, blissful ignorance on your face reminding me that you are in the past and not the present to see my tearful face. I fell to the ground at the waterside, staring at the shattered soul that looked back at me from them murky water... I just wanted to drown...
I'm finding it harder and harder, more than ever, to keep hold of memories of us that don't bring heartache or tears... More than ever, I wish you were still here... You were the only one who comforted me, and now you are the one breaking me... Every moment that comes back to me that we shared does nothing more than to remind me that you are gone, and the fear that you may never come back... How I said goodbye thinking we would see each other again...
That is what scares me the most... There is so much I wanted to tell you, and all I did was hold you close for only a few moments before letting you go for a long time... I'm scared that I'll never get to tell you everything... I'm scared that you'll never come back... I'm scared that this is the end...
I still remember... Everyday... That childhood promise you made me, so very long ago... That you would be here for me... Always...
That is what hurts the most... That is what will hurt more than anything... To find out that this really is the end to our 'Always'...
But... I make my own promise now... Until the day you come back, I'm going to hold on to these precious moments... I will keep trying... I know you'd want me to be strong without you. Even if I break, I want to make you proud... I want to see you smile when we see each other again...
Until then, I will always hold on to, and try to cherish... These Memories of Us..."
_ ~ Love... Andre _