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Humbly Presenting

A Story

Walk With Me, Not So Close

Disclaimer: I own any and all parts of this story, including plotline, characters, and their backstories. They are copyright to me, and any use of or copying of any elements just described would not only be very rude unless you have my permission, but also slightly illegal.

This story contains acts of male on male faggotry, and if you do not like these kinds of acts, I suggest you leave unless you wish to expand your erotic palette.

Author's Note: There have been a few changes in the layout of things. For starters I am going to take the omnipresent suggestion that I start writing this in third-person, past-tense. This is how my stories usually turn out dying, because I dislike the amount of distance it creates with my characters and their perceptions, and eventually even I lose track of them. To compromise, however, I shall still be writing in first person because I feel like it, but moving into past tense so it feels much more fluid and falls onto the page easier.

Thank you to everyone who told me I screwed up two months ago. I'm sorry it happened, and I hope this makes it up to you.

Chapter Three: Yes, Hello, and Welcome, to the Biggest Mistake. Ever.

-After the Swim-

Reidan

Woah. Woah. Hang on. Did I do what I think I just did?

It was as if I had broken out of a trance, the same way as a rock dropped into a pond makes ripples that expand in all directions.

The fuck was I doing??

I opened my eyes. I mean opened them. They were already open to begin with, but I started actively looking at what I saw this time. I saw myself in the bathroom mirror, having taken off my swim trunks and still looking quite damp. What had happened out there..?

I felt... wrong. Confused. Slightly violated. Afraid. Terribly afraid. Allen seemed to be the cause. I had been so caught up in the moment, in him, that I didn't think things through. Hell, I hadn't even thought, period.

As much as I wanted to be with someone like him, I couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I didn't even know him...

A soft series of taps sounded on the door. The sound would have made me jump as it broke through my rumination, but I was totally aware already. I was absolutely lucid.

"Are you okay in there, Rei?" Allen's deep voice sounded from behind the door. I turned to look at it, slowly, my tail giving a slight flick as I prepared for what I had to do.

I tried not to sound too mechanical. "Yes, I'm fine."

A pause. "You sure don't sound that fine. Just a few minutes ago, before you went in there, you were practically jumping with every step." He chuckled before turning serious again. "Are you okay? Is your stomach upset or something?"

"No, it's alright, I'm just taking my time."

"Want me to come in?" He asked playfully.

I took a deep breath, I could hear his paw turning the doorknob, and I figured it was now or never. If he got me alone in this tiny space, it would be over and I'd be reduced to a horny cat again...

"Actually... no.. I don't want you to come in... In fact I'd appreciate it if you did the exact opposite.."

That stopped him. "The exact opposite? You mean get out? But I'm not even in there yet."

I swallowed, inhaling once and then exhaling the calming breath of a sigh. "I mean... Out of my house. I'd appreciate it if you got out of my house."

"What?? Why? Was it something I did? Did I hurt you??" He sounded very panicked and hurt. His paw turned the knob, and he was about to enter, and would have, too, if I had not pressed my back against the door, knowing all too well that if he so chose he could simply force his entry anyways. I trusted him not to. I took a deep breath.

"Yes.. well.. no. I.. It's complicated. I said what I said and did what I did because I was in an emotional high... I don't understand it, I just know that what I did wasn't for the best... heck, it probably wasn't even for the good, and I did it anyways." I paused, feeling a little choked up and not knowing why. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now. Could you please leave, and let me be alone with my thoughts for a bit..?" I trailed off softly, listening to the way the acoustics in the bathroom warped my voice to echo more than normal. I put my ears back, scared that he would reject my rejection and insist that this was meant to be.

I knew that if he let me into his arms I wouldn't be able to save myself... I wouldn't be able to stop myself. My body wanted to be held, to feel, to be loved, all oh so very badly... but my brain knew that I would end up hurt and disappointed if I did, because that's what has always happened. I couldn't trust myself.

The moment it took for me to have that realization felt like it took both an instant and an eon to occur, and I sighed mentally. He was still silent on the other side. Maybe he had left without even a goodbye..? My heart twinged with pain at that thought, only to have my brain reprimand it for feeling so, then supply the well-founded opinion that he probably would have been feeling too depressed to say goodbye anyways. I closed my eyes and put pressure on them, thinking about what a jerk I was until, with a snap back to reality, I heard him give a small hiccup of defeat.

"I... I'll try and make you see that I am the one for you, Rei..." The voice that came from behind the door was nothing at all like the voice that had always come from Allen... this sound was shallow, broken, like a wind-up music box on the tail end of its run. Nothing like his usual confident speech. I had broken him with the premise of self-preservation. Break or be broken. "I know that you and I are... that we belong to one another..." He sniffled, then let out a tired, dysfunctional laugh that hit the floor with a crack as soon as it left his mouth, instead of bouncing around and resounding energetically like his laughs normally do. "Call me corny if you want... but I'll be trying to prove it to you. Just you wait and see..." He paused, as if waiting for me to respond after that.

I had my paws clamping my muzzle shut, trying to not make a sound.

He sighed. "I'm going to leave now, I guess. I'm sorry that you don't trust me enough to let me take care of you. Mark my words, I will change that," he said, his voice getting a little bit of that confident edge back into it.

I nodded, my body responding even though my brain told it 'no' and threatened it with a slap on the wrist, but it didn't matter. He couldn't see me nod, and he couldn't hear it either.

I heard him gather his things up, and then heard his pawsteps retreating towards the foyer. It sounded like he had paused. Perhaps listening to see if I was around and about now that he said he would go. I heard him then open the door and step outside, closing it behind him.

I let out a gasp and a cry of anguish once I heard him close the door, my body finally breaking free of my reigns enough for me to slump against the door, utterly drained of energy and inexplicably heartbroken. Dry sobs choked themselves from my throat and I hiccupped, much like he did, wondering why I was such a terrible and awful being. An hour passed, and I finally pulled myself together and left the bathroom. I walked into my room and flung myself onto my bed, putting my head right where he had jumped and landed on it, inhaling his scent and wishing for things that I would not let be.

I had made a huge mistake.

Allen

As I exited Reidan's front door, I waited a little bit and was rewarded with what sounded like a cry of utter defeat, albeit muffled by the walls between us. My heartstrings were yanked by that cry... I could help that, I could fix it. But he doesn't want me to; he's afraid of being hurt. I'm afraid of being hurt too, but I'm more afraid of having no one who will let me love them.

I tasted bitter resentment in the back of my throat, and then reconciled myself. I would see him again soon. I would be able to try and make those opal eyes light up and shine again. And I want them to shine for no one else but me.

That day would be something that I remembered for the rest of my life. As I walked away from Reidan's house and back towards my own, I made a promise. It was an extremely corny one, looking back on it, but I had promised that never again would something hurt Reidan to make him be the way he was that day. I promised that I would do everything I could to see him smile at me, to let me take him into my arms, to be there for him and protect him. Some people would say that it was the kind of promise that an alpha would make. I don't care what they call it. It's my promise to him, and I intend to keep it.