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21

The ground was cold and slick from a layer of crispy ice as I walked alongside Kato. I watched my claws shatter the thin sheet of ice, observing the paw prints I left behind in the soft earth. I breathed deeply and let all my senses bask in the fresh air. The smell of the wet dirt beneath me mixed with the trees that towered over me and filled my nostrils. When I exhaled, I saw my breath come out in puffs of misty air. I smiled as the air illustrated the fact that I was alive. The white specks that drifted from the sky caught in my fur, and cold shards hit my nose. The air was brisk and made me shiver. All the sensations helped keep my mind focused on the present. This was unlike anything I had ever seen, and I doubted my imagination was this advanced. This was real. "The air is so still." I said quietly as Kato and I made our way up the trail. Kato nodded, "You haven't seen winter yet, have you?" He asked. I shook my head and observed the world around me. All the flowers that were usually alongside the trail had shriveled up, and the ones that remained had muted colors. The world seemed so dull compared to before, but still held a strange beauty. "Winter is beautiful." Kato said as he slipped on a thick jacket he had brought along. "I know it doesn't look like much now, but wait until you see everything in snow! Did you have snow where you come from?" I looked at the overcast skies and watched the white flakes swirl down towards me. I remembered Fleur and closed my eyes. "No, there was no snow where I was from." "What was it like?" I flinched, and Kato noticed I was uncomfortable. "It just wasn't like this." was my response. He wanted to ask more, but he didn't push it. We made our way up the hill and finally emerged on the plateau. I took in the sight of the valley below us. The emerald seas were replaced with still, golden pools of the dying grasses. The dusty gold was sprinkled with white and gray splotches where ice and snow had stuck to the strands of grass. The air around us carried an eerie silence with it, and the world seemed to be at peace as it accepted it's death. Winter was a strange season, but the calm air somehow soothed me. Immediately, I went towards my favorite spot. I ran over to the tree that twisted out over the edge of the plateau and gripped onto the icy bark as I carefully climbed up onto it. Once I reached the spot, I sat back and let out a sigh. I had spent countless hours sitting here on this tree and watching the valley below, but now those memories felt so unreal and distant. The valley was still and quiet, but it was still nice to look out into it. I turned back to Kato, who was just watching me with his warm smile. My energy burned in my hands, and I was ready to use it. I focused on my palms and felt the familiar tingle of energy spark with life. At first, the brisk air immediately put out the flame I tried to ignite. After a few tries, I was able to draw out a strong enough flame that warmed my entire arm. The sensation sent a burning pain through my arm as my energy separated from my body. I became exhilarated as I used magic again for the first time since Eldon. I let a small flame snake around my knuckles and sent it to Kato. It looked like a small bird, fluttering over to him and dancing in his palm. He smiled and played with the phoenix-shaped flame before sending it back. We sent the phoenix flying back and forth several times until a cold wind made it dissolve. Kato looked up at me and smiled again. "I can't believe it." He said. I tilted my head, "Believe what?" "You're alive. You're alright..." He laughed, taking a seat near the base of the tree. "I guess I'm having a hard time believing that it's really you!" I laughed as well. The sound surprised me; I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed. "I know what you mean." I said. "I'm having a hard time believing this isn't just a dream, myself." "I missed you." We stared at each other for a few moments, absorbing the sight of each other's smile. Kato's energy felt warm, happy. The feeling couldn't last though, and soon thoughts of the things to come began to assault my mind, making me sick. "What are we going to do?" I asked him. "You...mentioned an eclipse." Kato sighed and sat back against a tree. "I'm not exactly sure what you know, but Hale will be weakened by an event that happens here every so often." Kato said, staring out towards the valley. "The eclipse blocks the energy from the moon of the dark Goddess. Her moon isn't typically visible from here, but it is a deep red. When the eclipse happens, the red light collides with the light of the blue moon and bathes the world in a deep violet light." I was confused as to why the Dark Goddess's moon was red, it seemed odd to me. "But violet is her color." I said. "Wouldn't things become stronger with the violet light?" Kato shook his head. "No, it's different. Her moon is red, and the Goddess of Light has a moon that is pale blue, the one you usually see. When the two lights collide and create violet, it represents rebirth of the Goddess of Darkness. She and all creatures that spawn from darkness are weakened, but come out stronger than ever. At least that's what the legends say. It's sort of like a trial, or a test. If you survive it, you become stronger and learn more about yourself, apparently." I sighed. Just when I thought I was beginning to understand their symbolism, this came up and proved me wrong. "Will I be weakened?" I asked Kato. "I don't really know." He admitted with a shrug. "But I do know that Hale will be greatly affected. He will be distracted during the event, and we will at least have a chance." "When will the eclipse happen?" I asked. "Won't Hale prepare for the fact that he'll be weakened?" "In about a week." Kato said. "He doesn't expect anyone to cause trouble, seeing as how most of the people in the lab are creatures that originally spawned from the Dark Godddess. He thinks they'll all be weakened as well." I thought for a moment and realized Kato wasn't a creature of darkness. A phoenix had to be one of light. I thought to myself. He won't be affected. He might even become stronger. I gazed out towards the endless sea of gold grass. I had a week to prepare myself and figure out what to do about Misha and his magic compulsion over me. Fleur had told me it wouldn't be hard to fight...right before I had killed her. Maybe she meant her energy would help me? "Decipher?" "I'm worried about..." I began, feeling hesitant to bring it up. Is it Misha?" Kato asked. I could feel his all-knowing gaze on me. I nodded and looked down at him with a sad expression. I worried about what would happen to me now that Misha could control my actions. I had only experienced the violent side of it, but what if he wanted to try and make me intimate with him? "We'll figure it out." Kato said. "I promise. I won't let him hurt you again." My ears fell. "It's not your fault, Kato. I knew what he was going to do." I sighed. "I don't know why I didn't listen to the warnings...I guess I kept stalling because I thought what he did to me wasn't so bad. The pleasure confused me, and I wasn't sure how to react. I held out because I thought maybe he would change. He seemed to be trying." "I shouldn't have let you stay with him." Kato's voice was angry now. "I should've tried harder...but I believed Misha. He promised me things would be different with you, said he wouldn't hurt you." My interested was perked, but my heart raced and I felt sick. "He said things would be different?" I asked, confused. I wondered what else Kato knew about Misha. Kato sighed and looked up at me, "I was training Caliber the night the guards brought you in." He began, moving his gaze back towards the valley, "Caliber fell to the ground and began thrashing around that night. I knew he was having a vision...His visions are often violent and take quite a toll on him." Kato rubbed his head as he recalled the memories. "He ended up breaking my wrist as I tried to calm him. He told me there would be an important event to come, but he didn't tell me anything more. We were both sent to the medical wing to be treated for our injuries, and I didn't get a chance to ask him about it again." I stared down at Kato. Of course I was important to the Gods even then... I thought to myself, wondering what Caliber's vision was about. "I knew you were important." Kato said, avoiding my eyes. "I heard that they had found a strange werewolf in the woods, and that Hale had assigned Misha to take care of you. I knew that would end badly. I warned him not to hurt you, but he laughed me off. He told me there was nothing to worry about, but I worried. I got into a fight with him and scared him just enough to keep his distance from you, but I still worried." I imagined Kato pinning Misha up against a wall, warning him against hurting me. The image flashed before my eyes so vividly as I saw Misha's scared, submissive expression and Kato's angry, knowing gaze. "I saw you pursuing him, and I thought maybe Misha could be trusted. I didn't know why you were pursuing him, but I thought there had to be a good reason. I figured maybe he really did care about you, and that he had changed, or at least changed enough." Kato's sighed and closed his eyes, "I slowly realized I was wrong, though. I was just too afraid to tell you the truth. Plus, Hale had forbidden me from telling you anything. I was lucky he let me train you." "Kato..." I said as I stared at him. At this point I knew he had feelings for me, and I had no idea how to react. "Thank you for trying." "No. Don't thank me!" He yelled. "I failed! You got hurt anyways. I didn't warn you enough! But he fucking promised me! He promised me you were different, that he wouldn't pull the same shit as always. I should've known that fucking monster can't love!" "Kato you didn't fail." I said as calmly as I could, but my heart was racing. "I told you this was my fault. I mean it. I probably would've made the same decisions. I had to learn myself." Kato's head snapped in my direction. His face had a look of hopeless desperation on it. "I wish I wasn't too late." He said. "I wish I could have shown you...It didn't have to be like that." My heart stopped. I opened my mouth, but no words would come out. I suddenly felt like I was about to fall endlessly, and I gripped onto the sides of the branch I sat on. Kato really did love me, and I felt afraid. I wanted to feel obsessed with the idea of being around Kato, but I was terrified of those feelings. Those feelings were what led me to where I was at now. If I had fallen for Kato, maybe things would have been different. Why didn't I trust him before? What was wrong with me? I couldn't comprehend the idea of being in love. I didn't understand love, and I was afraid of understanding it. Kato might have been right; maybe it was too late. The warm feeling had vanished, and I was left with an empty numbness and a desire to let myself just fall into oblivion. "I'm so sorry, Kato." I whispered, "I wish I could feel okay in that way, but I don't." Kato shook his head and stood up. "You have nothing to apologize for. Don't blame yourself. Let's just focus on getting out of this situation so that we can work on healing." I looked up to the sky nervously. The wind had picked up, and thick flakes of snow were raining from the sky. I briefly wondered what Kato needed to heal from. Kato rubbed the sides of his arms. "I'm freezing. We should go back inside." He said, his voice flat. "I'm sorry. I can't stay out here much longer." "We'll be okay, right Kato?" I asked. Kato nodded. "If you're willing to work with me, Decipher, I'll make sure you're okay." His words comforted me, and I knew we had a chance. That was all I needed to stay motivated at this point. If I couldn't fix myself, I was at least going to help Kato. We began to make our way back to the facility. Kato was shivering in his jacket and was in a hurry. I was chilled, but not nearly as much as Kato. My fur seemed to have grown out a bit thicker to accommodate to the change of seasons. It made sense that the phoenix was cold, though, so I walked quickly with him. We entered the glass doors of the lab. Feeling nervous, I stopped in the main entrance and took in the sight for a moment. "It'll be dinner soon." Kato said, "Are you hungry?" I swallowed hard. "Not particularly." "You should probably get your physical exam over with, then." Kato sighed. "Hale said once you woke up you had to go in and get checked out." I glanced in the direction of the medical facility. Misha would undoubtedly be the one to examine me. I knew I was going to have to face him eventually, but I didn't feel ready yet. I'd never be ready, though, so I nodded. "Alright." I said as I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. "I can come with you?" Kato offered. "Please." I said. "But, Kato...don't worry about me. If something happens, let it. Don't risk anything. Not when we're so close." Kato began walking ahead of me. "No promises, Decipher." He said. I sighed and followed behind him. We entered the medial facility, and the nurse behind the counter jumped out of her chair. "Two-fifty-seven!" She said. "Good to see you up. I will call Doctor Aras." Kato shot me an apologetic look as I cringed. I didn't recognize this nurse, and I wondered if she had helped heal me. She picked up a phone and spoke some words into it, but I was too nervous to listen to her. After a few moments, she looked up at us. "If you'll have a seat, the doctor will be up shortly." I slumped into a chair against the wall and stared off into space. Kato remained standing and seemed alert. It hurt me more knowing he was affected by this. Part of me wished Kato was more emotionally distant from me so that my pain wouldn't hurt him. I closed my eyes and waited in silence. I had to endure for just a bit longer. I knew what was coming, and I tried to make myself believe it wouldn't be a big deal. Pain was meaningless. I told myself. It doesn't matter what kind. Pain is meaningless. I felt Misha's presence as I heard footsteps and slowly opened my eyes to watch Kato. He was tense as Misha Aras made his way into the room. With a sick feeling, I looked at Misha. His face lacked the kindness I had once seen, and his expression was dark. "Decipher!" He said, his face cracking into a small smile. "Welcome back." I stood up slowly and met his eyes. My heart was racing but my face was calm. "Well, come on in." Misha said, gesturing towards a room. My body didn't feel forced as I walked into the room. I wondered if this was because I was making the conscious effort to do it, even though I didn't want to. Perhaps I could use that to my advantage. Kato looked like he was about to explode, but he followed us into the room in silence. His flaming eyes were burning into the back of Misha's head. I sat down on the table and Kato leaned up against the wall. Misha pulled out a few of his usual tools, a cuff to check blood pressure, a device to listen to my heart, and the supplies to draw blood with. We all sat in silence as Misha checked my vital signs and wrote down notes. He watched Kato carefully as he did so; I could tell Kato made him nervous. I could feel Kato's rage seeping off of him. I wished I could calm him down. He was making me nervous as well, and I didn't want him to get hurt. I twitched at the sting of the needle as Misha drew blood. I looked back at him and breathed heavily. After he was finished, he stood and brought the tube of blood over to the counter. He wrote a label on it and called the nurse into the room. He handed off the tube and told her to take it to his lab before turning back to me. I had an overwhelming feeling of familiarity as I thought of the event that had led to Fleur's death. I swallowed hard as Misha turned to Kato. "Why are you here, Kato?" "Fuck you." My chest felt tight as they stared at each other. I prayed this wouldn't end the same way as the day Fleur had tried to defend me. "You should go before I call the guards." Misha said, glaring into Kato's eyes. "Do you really think you can do anything to stop me? Leave now and I'll forget you caused any problems." He sounded authoritative, and carried himself differently. I missed the days when Misha seemed weak and helpless. "I'll find a way." Kato said, his tone remaining even. "Trust me." "Sure, Kato." Misha smirked, "But in the meantime, get out before I ask Decipher to remove you." I clutched the side of the table and sent Kato a pleading look. Just go! Do what he says! I'll be fine! My mind screamed at him. Kato glared at me as if he had heard what I had said, and clenched his teeth. "You were warned, Misha." Kato said. I could tell he felt defeated as he turned to leave. "You will suffer." I sent a silent thank you to him as he walked away, and then turned my attention to Misha, who was grinning in triumph. He walked over to the door and closed it behind Kato. He turned to me and sat down in the chair beside the table. I sat motionless and waited for it to begin. "How are you?" He asked me. The question caught me off guard. My lips pulled back. "How am I?" I snarled. "Don't bother with the small talk." Misha sighed and his expression softened, but I didn't trust it for a second. "Decipher...You don't understand." "You're right, Misha, I don't!" I yelled. "I don't understand how you could do this to me, after all I did for you, after I put my trust in you. You're completely right! I don't understand how you can act like this is OKAY!" Misha sighed and looked conflicted as I glared at him. "Decipher, please!" He begged. I snarled again. "I don't want things to be like this between us." I was breathing heavily by now. "I don't know what you want from me." I sighed. "You've already taken everything." Slowly, Misha stood and moved towards me. "Love me, Decipher." He whispered as he ran his hands down my neck. My body froze and I couldn't stop him. I closed my eyes as he began to run his hands across my entire body. Soon, my body began to react involuntarily, and I returned his touches. My body might have been "loving" him, but my mind wasn't. Part of me wished the magic compulsion affected my thoughts as well, so that I wouldn't be forced to sit here as a prisoner of my body while it defiled itself. He was over me by now, pinning my body down against the table as he moved across me. I laid my head back as he rubbed his head against my chin. Before long, my mind felt hazy. I felt as if I had been drugged again, but I knew it was just my mind trying to defend itself against the onslaught of emotional torment. I closed my eyes and drifted away. After a few moments, I felt completely disconnected. I was completely numb. Suddenly, a blinding light forced my eyes open. I jerked upwards, only to see that the room was empty and nobody was touching me. Confused, I looked around the room. The colors were different and faded, as if I had entered different reality. Something felt unreal about this place. Some details were hazy, as if I were trying to recall a distant dream. I narrowed my eyes as I tried to focus on the world around me. I stood up and moved off the table and wandered into the hallway. The lights were dim; it looked like it was night time. I glanced down at my hands for a few moments, wondering if this was some sort of alternate reality I had placed myself in to escape Misha. I heard a noise coming from one of the other rooms and carefully approached it. When I peered inside, I saw a young doctor sitting in the corner of the room with his head in his hands. He seemed hurt. The side of his white coat was torn, and I saw bruises spotting his arms. After a few moments, he looked up at me. "Misha?" I asked in confusion. He looked like a younger Misha. His dark eyes were full of sadness and innocence. This look was one that I'd never seen on Misha, and it made me uncomfortable. Any sort of innocence I had seen in Misha was merely a ghost of the expression this young doctor was wearing. He didn't answer, but instead stared out towards me as tears leaked from his eyes. The side of his face was bruised, and a large scratch was across his neck. Could he see me? I stepped into the doorway and bent down to his level. "Hello?" He still didn't answer, but instead slammed his head against the wall and sighed. Was this a memory? The scene flashed again. I saw Misha sitting next to a large man in the dining hall. He was huge, easily a foot taller than Misha, and was packed with muscle. Misha was talking when suddenly the man stood up and threw him to the ground. The man roared and transformed into a werewolf quicker than I could comprehend, and then lifted Misha into the air and slammed him against a wall. Within a few seconds, there were guards on the werewolf, dragging him off of Misha. My head was spinning as I watched everything happen. These must be memories. I realized. The scene changed. I was now in a bright examination room, where the young Misha Aras stood over the large man. Misha was injecting him with something. He then began to stitch a wound on his side. The man's shoulder was spotted with a bloody bullet mark. They were talking, but I couldn't quite comprehend the words. Misha still had the bruises, but they looked like they had healed a bit. "I'm sorry, Misha." The large man said. "I don't blame you." Misha whispered. "I love you." The words made me sick as he said them, but I realized that he was telling the truth. I could feel the ache in Misha's heart as he patched up the man's wounds. I didn't want to see these memories. I wanted to escape. My eyes were locked on the scene, though, and I couldn't escape. The scene changed yet again. This time, I saw Doctor Hale pinning Misha against a wall. He looked the same as always, except completely enraged. "I know what you've been up to with seventy-nine!" He yelled, tossing Misha aside. "Stop wasting my time. You're going to get yourself killed. Get your shit together, Aras. I expect results by the end of the week." Misha nodded and scrambled back to his lab. The memory skipped ahead to a scene of Misha injecting himself with something and waiting. Maybe he's trying to become something nonhuman? He clearly wanted to be with a werewolf that was hurting him... My mind slowly put together the events that were happening. The scene flashed again, and suddenly Misha was shouting and throwing the glass vials down on the ground. He screamed and smashed the glass window. He then turned to his desk and began to tear up the paperwork. "I'M DONE!" He screamed. Within a few moments, another man in a lab coat ran into the room. "Stop!" he pleaded with Misha. After a few moments of wrestling with the man, Misha slowly sank to his knees and sobbed. I felt confused as I watched these things happen. Why was I seeing this? I blinked furiously as I tried to run from the memories. I couldn't move, and when I closed my eyes I still saw it happen. From what I could gather, Misha was in love with a werewolf that couldn't control his rage, and Misha ended up being hurt over and over again. Yet again, the memory flashed and I was somewhere else. Misha was running his hands down the man, who was transforming into his werewolf form. The werewolf snarled and gripped Misha's naked body with his claws, and Misha moved closer to him with a grin. I felt extremely uncomfortable as I watched the two bodies collide in passion. I felt sick, and I wanted to run. I mentally cried out for help. I sensed the Goddess near. Her presence danced around in my mind. "WHY?" I screamed at her. So that you can understand. My focus snapped back towards Misha and the wolf. The wolf had pinned Misha's face against the wall, and he looked uncomfortable. "Wait..." Misha said slowly. "Wait! You're hurting me!" He cried as the wolf dug his claws into Misha's shoulder and drew blood. What was this? Some sort of justification for what Misha did to others? I felt angry. Why was the Goddess showing me this?! The wolf roared as he slammed himself into Misha, and Misha cried out in pain. The memory became distorted and flashed around to scenes of Misha being beaten bloody by the wolf once he was done pleasing himself. I saw Misha's face slammed against the ground several times, until his eye was swollen shut and blood oozed from his nose and mouth. Finally, the wolf was stopped by someone else and the scene went black. Slowly, a new memory was illuminated by a fuzzy light. Misha had bandages wrapped around his arm and face, and was still covered in bruises and scratches. He was holding up a piece of paper filled with text, but the only thing that was in focus was "Euthanize seventy-nine". Misha prepared an injection. The memory was blurred, and all I saw was a large, glistening needle and a vial of dark liquid. Then, Misha was standing over the man, who was strapped to a table. "No, Misha, please!" He begged. "Hale made me do this! I never wanted to hurt you! I never would have hurt you, Misha...Hale forced me to transform...I'm so sorry!" Misha's expression was numb, and I watched in horror as he stabbed the needle into the man's chest. The man screamed and thrashed around until he fell silent, and Misha dropped the needle. The sight of the glass syringe shattering against the ground etched itself into my brain. The scene went black, and I stood in stunned silence. I looked around, only to see the Dark Goddess standing next to me in her human form. "Why?" I asked, choked. "I told you. So that you could understand." "What am I supposed to take from this? Does this justify what Misha has done?" I yelled, feeling sick. "Of course not. He was not forced to kill the man he loved. He was asked and he obeyed." The Goddess said, her soft, violet eyes staring at me. "But you cannot determine what punishment a soul deserves until you understand all of their mistakes, and why they made them." "Determine punishment?" I asked, panting. "You expect too much from me! Who am I to judge a soul? Look at what I've done!" "You will have an opportunity to make a choice." She said. "I have given you the knowledge to be able to make the right one. You wanted the truth, and if I had not taken you here, your soul would have been trapped in your body as Misha violated you." She was right, but after seeing what Misha had been through, my mind was shaken and I couldn't quite form a coherent thought. The distorted memories were still floating in my mind. "I didn't show you to justify his actions, Decipher. Do not pity him. He made those choices, and he has continued to make the wrong choices." Her voice seemed to echo through my mind. "You have seen what he's done to you and others. He might use his trauma to justify it to himself, but that does not make it right. He has had plenty of chances to heal." My hatred towards Misha dissolved into confusion and pity, as much as I tried not to pity him. "Is there any hope for him?" I asked her softly. "There is always hope for those who are willing to hope." She said. I closed my eyes and sighed. I wished she would give me a straight answer. "What do you want from me?" I asked. "I will give you anything...I just don't know what you want from me." "I trust you to make the right decision." "Why am I so important to you? Do you expect me to destroy the entire lab and save everyone?" I asked, panicked. I had no idea how I was going to do anything of worth in the Goddess's eyes. "Decipher." She began, sending me a warm smile. "You aim to save another's soul over your own. That is why you are a soul worth guiding." I sat in stunned silence. It was true that I wanted to save Kato, and that I didn't care as much about myself as I did for his well being...and that was why she took interest in me? I could hardly believe a kind act was worth that much. "Do not doubt the power of kindness." She said, reading my mind. Her form began to fade from my vision. "You think in order to make an impact on the world you must perform some grand act, but this is not the truth." "Every selfless act is of the Gods." Her voice echoed in my mind as I drifted away.