Hey guys. Just to let you know, this chapter gets very male male near the end. Please don't read if you're not into that. Also I will be re-uploading a modified version of Lawrence's story due to a couple of really big continuity errors that I needed to address. I'm sorry if this is a pain to people, but I'm still learning how to write better each day so I hope you'll like the way the story flows after I'm done!

Chapter 28 - I Don't Do Well As The Butt Of Things.

"That must really hurt." remarks Soothing.

I nod as I daren't move right now, I'm still waiting on the rest of the stinging to subside.

"You realise how stupid you look stood like that?" he says.

"I don't think I care. I haven't had this sore an ass since." I stop there, maybe recounting my exploits isn't the best of ideas.

"Go on, since when?" He's grinning and I can feel the heat of a blush creeping up my neck. I duck my head down between my arms leaning on the door frame. I'm not gonna be able to get out of this one.

"Since that video back in '96 when Leonis and I, went for eight hours."

"Video? That's kind of kinky, though eight hours is damn impressive." he chuckles.

"Yeah well, our viewers wanted to know the extent of our stamina."

"Viewers? Wait, you don't mean. Oh my god, you did porn?!" he exclaims.

"Jeez, tell everyone why don't you? Yes, I did porn, it was how I got my setup in my world okay?"

"Oh my, ex vampire, hopeless romantic, ex porn star. I can't believe we let you in." he says and although I notice the tone is light and teasing, those words still sting.

"I'm not in yet, I still can get kicked to the curb, if my ass can handle it that is." I flinch, the stinging has been replaced with a burning sensation, I really should sit on an ice pack or something.

"We're not going to do that Alex."

I scowl at the floor and gently push myself away from the door frame. I can ignore most of the painful sensations now, tensing my rear to work out some of the shocked muscles.

"I wouldn't say you won't right now Soothing. I still have a long way to go to prove myself. I know you guys have been exceptionally kind to begin with. I can't thank you all enough. But I'm no fool, I listened to what Lawrence wasn't telling me. He's been through hell and you guys handled me with kid gloves. Now I have to see what the world is going to be like without them."

"Yeah.... Sorry." he says.

I turn and smile at him.

"Don't be sorry. I know I'm naive, I'll try to do better. With people like you nearby, I can't go wrong."

"You mean cos I'll kill you if you do?" he frowns.

I blink and then frown. Thinking on it now. I haven't been scared of being some kind of monster to these people, I'd been more scared that I'd be rejected. Even with my childish temper tantrum, they'd been understanding and I'd even dismissed saving their lives because it was just what I 'had' to do. I wasn't going to go wrong when it comes to being a bad person. But I wasn't stupid enough to think that I'd never make a mistake.

"No. What you guys have given me, I'm building on that. The old me... It's not in the equation anymore. I'll keep the lessons and knowledge, but that's it. I'm done with it."

"Even Colt and Leonis?" he says.

Okay, that hurts. But he's right, what I just said implies I was about to turn my back on them.

"I'll be blunt. I think they're both better off without me. Much as I want to be a part of Colt's life, I think he's moving on without me. If I see Leonis again, I'll kill him and that's going to tear me apart. It's... Cowardly of me. But I don't think there is a place in that world for me anymore, where as in this world, I have a job I've been chosen to do."

"So you can just give up on your love like that?" he frowns at me.

"How can you say that? A decision like this is crippling, but I'm trying to be more like you lot and make the harder choices for the greater good. My feelings, they don't matter here. What matters is where I can be of greater use. Which right now, is here."

Saying it makes me feel cold inside. I can feel my beast reacting and rising up, almost like a comforting warmth against the spreading coolness. This was a choice based totally on where I was needed, not where I was wanted. I knew that I was making the choice now that would mean I would never again see Colt or get to say goodbye. I wanted his forgiveness and him so much that I'd blinded myself to what was going on around me and what I needed.

The man stood in front of me was new to me still. We had known each other for only a week, yet each time he's nearby I felt stronger. Seeing him smile, seeing him move, it all stirred feelings within me. Some of course a bit lower than others. Yes, I had to admit it to myself, no matter how forbidden it was, this man moved me. It was something I would have to come to terms with. Just as I had to come to terms with that my life and my love was over from the other world. I would always feel sorrow knowing how it ended, but if I did not focus on the future, then more people I cared for would suffer.

Soothing nods softly. "So, you are officially done with Colt and Leonis?"

"Leonis is a given, he's dead. I will miss him terribly. Colt ended it with me because of my mistake. I have overcome that mistake, but there is no future for us now. Yes, it is done, I won't hurt Colt anymore than I have done. They'll both always be part of me, but I have to move on without them."

I know right now that tears have started sliding down my cheeks. It will be some considerable time before I honestly can face the fact that it's all gone. I won't let their memories be drowned in grief, I will miss them until the day I die too.

"Are you going to be alright Alex?" says Soothing.

"Eventually Soothing. Eventually. But I will be alive and fighting each day to make sure that tomorrow comes." I sniffle and rub my eyes and nose with the back of my sleeve.

The next thing I know, I can feel Soothing's arms slide around me and he holds me tight. I put my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I don't feel like I'm going break down this time, it's like I had finally admitted the obvious and it wasn't as painful as I had expected. I enjoyed the strength of this man holding me. This would be my foundation, I could only build up from here. The tears that were flowing, slowed and stopped. They would be in shorter supply now. I wasn't going to be this weak anymore.

"Feeling better?" says Soothing still holding me gently.

"Yeah. Thank you hansome." I smile.

He chuckles. "How's the ass?"

It still hurt, but it was a gentle burn now. I'm barely resisting the urge to tell him to have a closer look. I was with a handsome male that I couldn't sleep with and it was taking all my will power to not make moves on him. I could get away with the handsome comment, but I'd have to start watching what I did.

"Burning still, but from what I got told by my friends who were into spanking, it'll fade after a few hours."

"You realise if you shift up, it'll be gone in a minute or so?" he grins.

Well fuck. I never thought about that. So I take his advice and slip up a form. Shifting into my glabro stage, I feel the burn fading rapidly. Soothing's arms around me still warm and comfortable. Then I inhale and Soothing's scent fills my nose. I lean forward again and put my face against his shoulder, inhaling again deeply. The smell is so new to me, but at the same time it's like it clicks with something inside me. My beast telling me it's another one of us, the smell of wolf. It's like fur tinged with mint and ginger, my brain tries to translate the smell into the closest things it recognises. On the other hand, my beast feels no problem in wanting to get closer to the smell, rubbing my cheek against his shoulder like I was trying to take some of this scent with me.

I can hear a rumbling sound between us and as I nuzzle against his shoulder. My body feels warmer and I smell something else, something... My brain translates it simply as 'male'. I have to resist the urge to change further, to wrap my body against this masculine and safe scent.

Safe? Oh, yes, I can feel it. My beast, telling me, this is safe, he is safe. We hunt together and we stay together. Oh, so is this the connection I feel? Is this what I want with Soothing, just to be around him because he's my pack mate? No, I can feel that itch, the beast and I agree, we both want to be close to this wolf. I know it's a bad idea, but my wolf wants to fulfil that need, that base desire. I want to be with Soothing on a very human level. The pair of us submit to him as we see him as dominant to us and we both want to please him.

Soothing gently pulls back and I'm staring at him, realising that the rumbling sound was coming from my chest. Soon as I realise that, it stops and I'm panting a little, my body is warm and I'm sweating slightly. I'd normally panic at this moment, but my beast is just so content right now that I can't find it in me to freak out.

He smiles softly at me, I smile back.

"How do you feel now?" he asks.

"So calm. Like... Like I'm meant to be here." I reply.

He nods and smiles again. "You should get some rest. You'll have a busy day tomorrow."

I nod softly and swallow the huge lump in my throat. Where my mind and body want to go are too far into the realms of disobedience to the law it's not funny. He takes another step back, then another. I don't want him to go, but he's my dominant, I must do what he wants.

I hang my head a little and turn, opening my door and stepping into my room. My hand reaches back to push the door shut and I feel it's blocked by something. Before I can turn around, arms encircle my waist and I recognise them straight away before the feel of his body is against my back.

"We can't break the rules." he says.

I nod. My heart hammering in my throat just at his touch. I will do whatever he wants right now. He could tell me to strip and offer myself to him and there would be ribbons of clothing on the floor within seconds. The rules don't matter to my mind right now, both the beast and my own mind totally set on pleasing the wolf at my back. He's said the key words, we can't break the rules and that will make him happy that we don't. My mind understand that we won't cross that line.

"Come on, bed time." he says and I feel myself pushed gently towards my bed. I immediately pull off my shirt and discard my shoes, the socks following swiftly as do my jeans. He's still in the room and watched my every move.

I crawl onto the bed and slide under the covers, their coolness against my skin cooling me down. They smell of lavender and washing powder, I can almost taste it on my tongue as I slide down into the covers, settling myself in to the bed. The air is filled with a palpable need from myself and I can smell Soothing from where I lay still. My heart is hammering against my chest, knowing that even he heads out the door right now, I'll accept it will make him happy.

He's stood at the edge of my bed. I can see his face struggling with his own thoughts. I'm just as torn as he is, but I trust him as my pack mate and more importantly as a wise friend. He's given me an order, I'll follow it. He pulls off his shirt and my heart crawls back up into my throat. The jeans follow, then he's moved around to the other side of the bed. He slips under the covers too and I immediately turn away, giving my back to him.

I'm confused for a moment as to why I automatically moved like that, but his arm slides around my waist again and I can feel his breath against my neck. Then, his teeth gently graze the nape of my neck.

I don't know what exactly happened in my mind then, but it was like a switch was thrown and my entire body was full of electricity. I think I'd stopped breathing for a moment, yet it was like I just didn't need to breath anymore. This was my place, this was where I was meant to be and this male had complete power over me right now.

Nerve endings in my body must have been firing on all points as I knew that I was totally aroused and didn't give a flying fuck about it. I pushed my body back against him and I knew he was the same. We couldn't break the rules, but right now we were flying so close to the edge it was dangerous. I trusted him not to go further, but my body and wolf screamed for more.

I focused on the feelings burning through my veins and rather than focusing on need to mate I forced myself think about my surroundings, the handsome male behind me wasn't just a male. He was Soothing, the kind and fair man I had come to know. This was my pack, I was nothing more than a cub to them, but I was their cub and they were my pack. We were safe, we were warm, we were tired.

Slowly the beast within me quietened and it's contentment grew as I snuggled back against Soothing, pulling his arm tighter around me. I slowly breathed in and out, trying my best to ignore the one other part pressing against my rear. He was my comfort and my pillar. He'd loaned me his strength, so in return, I would be his protector. I would guard them all.

I felt my eyelids growing heavier and my breathing slowed more. Sleep was like a black wave that slowly pulled me under and into dreams. My dreams were strange though.

I stood there with Soothing and Wyrmripper, but I was in front of the pair. I knew they were behind me even though I couldn't turn to look at them. Ahead of me stretched New Orleans, not the one I had come from, but not the new one either. I don't know why I knew it was New Orleans, I just knew it was. Everywhere I looked, there were people walking to and fro, paying us no attention.

But every so often, I noticed that people would vanish, then they would re-appear, with red smears at the corners of their mouths. I turned to Soothing and Wyrmripper. They shrugged at me. I turned back and the scene had changed.

There was a flat land, the whole place looked like swamps but I knew that it wasn't. There were poppies growing here and there in amidst the patches of grass. As I watched, the poppies shed their petals and the petals whirled up into the air creating a storm of red against the blue sky. There was someone in the middle of the petals, I couldn't see who it was, just a vague outline. Then the wall of petals crashed down upon me.

They cleared and I was in a factory, the conveyor belt was feeding black fetid looking lumps of something into a machine and from the other side came out children. Then the conveyor spat out something mangled and metalic. It was lifted off by a giant metal arm. As I watched, it was raised up and there was a child's face stapled to the underside. It looked at me.

I sat bolt upright, sweating. That dream had scared the hell out of me, but it didn't make a scrap of sense to me. I don't remember ever being to a factory or anything like that, the humans with red reminded me of something, but I couldn't place it at the moment and fuck only knows about the poppies.

I was no psychologist, I couldn't interpret those dreams. Nor could I understand why they were so random to me. The nightmares I'd been expecting because I knew that I had a lot of issues weighing on my mind, but this little maelstrom of mind fuckery was just weird. I was no seer, so there's no way they could be some dream sent warning. Even if it was, I had no clue as to what they were trying to tell me.

I turn my head to the side and see Soothing laying there. The moonlight from a gap in my curtains spilling out in a beautiful line across his back, his eyes shut and his breathing deep. He was sleeping soundly and I knew I'd been lucky not to wake him. Though looking at him right now, I wished I could paint or take a picture as I hadn't seen something so beautiful since that night Colt had shown me he was bisexual.

I slowly lay myself back down and get comfortable again. There would be time to think over things in the morning and as much as I would like to gaze at Soothing all night, tomorrow is going to require me to have rested properly, that much I'd already been warned about.