Ogling Mice
Eli
felt a rustling of the blankets through his morning haze. Soren had
slipped out of bed and was moving around their bedroom. Eli didn't
move or stir as Soren got dressed and grabbed his bag. Eli was never
an early riser anyway. Besides, what was the point of making Soren
feel guilty for waking him up earlier than he liked? Eli sneaked a
glance at the clock. Was it really five in the morning? No, he
must've read it wrong. Whatever._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Eli
came down the spiral stairs as he heard Soren walk through the front
door. "Heya, sweetie." Soren
reached up over the railing to kiss Eli. "Did you make some
progress today?"Eli
smiled but shook his head. "Not as much progress as I would have
liked. I keep losing steam." He finished his trip down the stairs
and embraced Soren. "How was your day, love?""Busy,"
said Soren. "I was stuck behind a desk for a lot of it. I was doing
some data entry for a while." Eli
giggled. "The horror! Did you catch a fearful glimpse of what being
an office slave is like?" Soren
shuddered. "It was harrowing. I can't wait to get back to working
with the mice. What do you want for dinner, sweetheart?" "I'd
love something... garlicy. Can't tell you why." Soren
chuckled. "I have a few ideas. Can I surprise you?" Eli
stepped onto tip toes to kiss Soren again. "Any day you like. I'm
kinda hungry though, so tell me how I can help so we can speed dinner
up." Soren
hugged Eli and steered him towards their couch. "Then stay out of
the kitchen, please."Eli,
sat down , leaning back on the recliner section. "Once upon a time
you promised to teach me how to cook so that I could help you rather
than sit here like a lazy ass while you cook for us." Soren
yawned as chopped vegetables. "I'm sorry Eli. I've been kinda busy
with work. This particular project has been pretty intense. Maybe
next week." "Do
you mean it," asked Eli. "I hate sitting here like this. I don't
need to be as good as you. I just want to help you without ruining
our dinner." "You
don't need to worry about cooking, sweetheart," smiled Soren.
"Cooking is a lot of fun for me. It's not really work or a chore
like it is for other people.""I
know that," sighed Eli. "But wouldn't it be nice if I could make
you dinner every once in while. That way you could come home to hot
food on the table that isn't out of a take out box. Just every once
in a while, wouldn't it be nice for you to not have to cook?" Soren's
response was muffled as he fished their panini press out of the
cabinet. "It would be nice, but it's not a big deal, sweetie.""It
doesn't need to be a big deal, Soren," said Eli. "It's just
something nice I'd love to do for you. I love to learn from you .
You're such a good teacher." Soren
chuckled, placing the sandwiches on the warmed press. "Really? You
mean that?" Eli
got up to set their table. He kissed Soren on the cheek on his way to
get plates. "I do. We got so close to winning in November. You had
never danced and I only started playing violin a few weeks before I
started teaching you dancing. You're a wonderful teacher when you put
your mind to it." Soren
opened the press, checking on the pepper chicken paninis on garlic
flatbread. They were wafting a salty, savory aroma. "You're so
sweet, Eli. Tell me if you like this. I sorta improvised." Eli
kissed Soren as he took a plate. "I don't think I've ever disliked
what you cooked for me. It smells wonderful." He dug in,
demolishing his food. "And staying on that topic, do you wanna
dance a bit after dinner?" Soren
shook his head. "Sorry sweetie. I'm feeling too tired right now. I
wouldn't be able to keep up with you." Eli
nodded. "They aren't running you too hard at work, are you?" Soren
shook his head again. "Nope. It's not them. But it's been a long
week." "Maybe
this weekend then," said Eli. "I might paint some more, then. I
have an idea brewing in my head." "Would
you like some inspiration," said Soren after he swallowed a
mouthful of food. "I've been in the mood to play my cello." Eli
took his plate to the sink. "Why are you asking? I love your
music." He leaned down to kiss Soren's cheek. "Thanks for dinner,
sweetheart. I'd write down the recipe if I were you." Soren
smiled in satisfaction as he finished his food. "Thanks sweetheart.
I'll be right behind you." Eli
jumped up the loft stairs two at a time, eager to actualize the
visions that had been brewing over dinner. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Eli's
eyes opened slowly. He had fallen asleep on top of Soren, but now he
was lying on his side of the bed. There was a small rustle of fabric
and the tiniest creak of the door. "Soren? Are you up," asked
Eli, turning over closing his eyes again. Eli
heard a snap of clawed fingers as Soren muttered, "Oh shit."Eli
looked at their clock. "Soren, it's... five in the morning? Are you
going for a run or something?" Soren
opened their bedroom door, revealing himself to be dressed in his
normal work attire. "Eh... not really. I'm, well, going into the
lab today." Eli
sat up. "It's Saturday, Soren. You know that, right?" "I
know," said Soren. "The project I am working needs people
monitoring it all day. You know that's just the nature of some of the
experiments that I work on." Eli
sighed. "Fine. Yell at Harold for me, will you."Soren
chuckled. "Why would I yell at him? He's never treated me badly."
"Then
yell at the person who scheduled you on a Saturday." Soren
scratched the back of his neck. "So uhh... you want me to yell at
me?" "What?"Soren
looked down. "I... uh... volunteered. They needed more people this
weekend and I wanted to help out." "Dammit
Soren," sighed Eli. "Why did you volunteer for a Saturday?""Well...
this whole project requires observers and not all of the normal
weekend people couldn't make it. So I volunteered." Eli
frowned. "And they're making you work on an early shift?! It's five
in the morning! Are they expecting you to start work by six?" Soren
shook his head. "No. I've just been going in early lately. I work
best when the labs are empty." "Lately,"
said Eli, "Lately? This Tuesday... it was five
in the morning. Have you been going in this early all week?!" Soren
picked at his tie. "Yes... all this week. I've just been trying to
put some extra hours in on this project." "Soren,
is this about money," asked Eli. " Have you been working
overtime? Because of the car?" "I...
It's not about money at all," said Soren. "I understand it's a
gift." "Then
why have you been working extra hours all week? Dammit this is why
you've been so tired lately." "I
just, well, like the project I'm working on. That's all, really." Eli
crossed his arms. "And what, exactly, is so compelling about your
work right now? What is it that makes yo u want to dash off to the
lab at five in the morning when normal people have a day off? Soren
was pacing now, not looking at Eli as he composed his thoughts.
"It's... when I work at the lab... when I've got my hands on
experiments testing new medicines... it's the only time where I feel
important.." Eli
scowled. "What about us? Do I make you feel important?Soren
abruptly ceased his pacing. "shit, that came out wrong. That wasn't
what I was trying to say." "Then
say it," growled Eli."I...
it's just... I feel significant,
that my work is saving and changing lives. And it feels really good."
"And
so you go slinking off to the lab at five in the morning without
telling me what you were doing? What if I had made plans for us
today? This is the day we save to do stuff with just us. Why wouldn't
you at least bother to tell me?"Soren
stared at the floor, gritting his teeth a bit. "I... well I knew we
didn't have plans, and I didn't really want to bother you about
this.""And
you didn't think I'd notice that you'd have disappeared for the day?Soren
was floundering. "No... it's just... I..." Eli
gave a growl, "Dammit Soren, just go. We can talk later." Eli
dived back into the covers, pressing a pillow over his head with a
snarl.Eli
could hear Soren shuffling towards the door again. "Eli... I uh-"Eli's
voice drifted out from under the pillow, muffled."Just go. Go have
fun with your damn mice."There
was a pause that felt like an eternity. "Goodbye Eli." _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Eli
was tossing and turning for what felt like hours. It was hours. It
was nine in the morning. Four hours of blank fuming, unable to get
comfortable but still weighed down with the special tiredness Eli got
from waking up at ungodly-o-clock-in-the-morning. Eli sighed, giving
up on sleep and shuffling to the kitchen for some breakfast. It would
be cereal today, unless he felt like setting off their smoke
detector. Eli
crunched his honey oats broodily, the peaches he cut into the bowl
unable to sweeten his mood. Normally on Saturdays Soren cooked them
something tasty. And warm, too. This kind of rubbishy breakfast was
reserved for weekdays. Throwing
the dishes in the dish washer, he stared at the clock. It wasn't much
after nine. Normally he wasn't up this early. It was one of the nice
advantages of freelancing. He'd be up at ten-ish and paint till Soren
got home around seven. On weekends they'd sleep in together. They'd
always wait for each other to wake up. Waking up in Soren's arms felt
so...sweet. How he'd hold him so tenderly in those strong arms, how
Soren would rest his head on his chest, or hold him so close as they
wrapped themselves around each other. And then a kiss on the lips or
cheek as the other's eyes began to flutter.But
Soren liked this kind of cheesy, romantic stuff as much as he did.
Why was he suddenly dashing off to the lab on their Saturdays.
This was the day they both put stuff aside to just be with each
other. What was his deal? Eli
drifted up the loft during these ruminations and started something
new, ignoring his six pieces of work that were still unfinished.
Bright colors, sharp angles, something that almost assaulted the
eyes. Was it money? They had found a car for Soren. A Prius, one of
the new models with some of the fun gadgets. It was a stick too, now
that they could both drive manuals. It had some power behind it, and
damn, dat gas milage. It was a nice car. Was it too nice? Soren had
that habit of trying to repay every favor equally. But they had
talked this whole deal out plenty of times. This was his
gift to Soren. The car wasn't on
a loan. It was Soren's. It
was theirs, really. But almost everything they owned belonged to both
of them, really... though Eli doubted Soren would ever part with
those instruments. But those had a legacy behind them. Eli felt
honored that he was even able to play on those treasures. But was
Soren trying to earn more so he could give something of equal size
back? He'd do that, too... But no, it was a gift. He
said he understood it. No... this was about more than money. Maybe
he was after a promotion... that might be it. He always talked about
wanting to be hands on, but what if he wanted to climb that ladder
a bit more. Try and get to a position where he was still working with
the tests but had a bit more standing in whatever hierarchy the
laboratory had. But
even that didn't make too much sense. Eli remembered when they first
started dating, after that wild night together that felt like a
dream, too good to be true. Soren would stop by after work, and he'd
talk about wanting to get out of IT. He hated being stuck in there.
He wanted to work in the lab as a scientist, not as some tech slave.
But ever since that debacle with the break in, Soren had been a lab
technician. Soren had never complained after that. He was clearly
content with whatever he was doing there. Or
perhaps... had Soren found some other guy at the lab? Could Soren be
seeing someone else. He could be going in early so he could leave
early, and then today... he didn't have to be at the lab at all
today.Eli
abruptly slapped himself. No. that was stupid. It wasn't even stupid.
It was insulting to Soren. How could he be cheating? Soren had always
devoted himself to him. The guilt of seeing someone else would rip
his apart. It was almost a bit unhealthy, but he always did
his best to please Eli, often before himself. He'd always ask what
Eli wanted for dinner, what Eli wanted to do for fun. Hell, even
during sex, it was always what felt good to Eli. How could he accuse
Soren of cheating when he could bet money that Soren would be right
now running through his head exactly how this stupid little scuffle
was all his fault. This was absurd. Eli's
internal monologue was interrupted by the refrain of Istanbul (Not
Constantinople) as he felt his
pocket vibrate. He checked the caller ID. It was Elly of all people.
He accepted the call and put it on speaker so he could keep painting.
"Heya, sis." Elly's
musical voice echoed through the loft, colored with a hint of her
constant playfulness."Hey Eli. How are you?" Eli
scowled at the painting. It was going in a direction he wasn't sure
he was liking. "Eh," was all he could really muster. "Eh?
How articulate," teased Elly. "What's bugging you?" "Soren's
bugging me, Elly. But you don't need to listen to me whine about my
boyfriend." Elly's
voice suddenly became harder, losing its music. "I do need to
listen. You sound like you need to vent. So I'm hear to listen if
you're willing to talk." Eli
sighed. "It's stupid really. He's just gone off to the lab today."
Elly
sounded perplexed. "On a Saturday? Are they paying him overtime at
least?" "I
think so. But that's not the point. It's just, Saturdays are kind of,
you know, our days.
And he was getting up at five in the morning to go to work early all
week." "He
did this voluntarily? That's job dedication there." "I
can't figure it out," said Eli. "I don't know what's making him
do it. I dunno if it's extra money he's after, or a promotion, or
something... I don't get it." "Did
you ask Soren yourself?" "Sorta,"
muttered Eli. "If you count asking him during an argument at five
in the morning." "Well,
what did he say?" Eli
sighed again. "He said something about how the lab made him feel
"important." Like he was making a difference with his work. And
he said that he was really into his current project." ""He
could be, you know, telling the truth," said Elly, slightly
sarcastically. "But
what's so compelling about ogling goddamn mice," growled Eli. "It's
just a lab job.""Eli,
you know how neurotic and consumed you can be over your paintings,
right?" Eli
actually snarled. "Dammit, Elly, what the hell does that have to do
with anything about this conversation?" "Everything,
stupid," said Elly. Eli could swear he heard her eyes roll. "He's
a scientist. We get attached to our work sometimes. Just like you,
but you get attached to artwork while scientists fall in love with a
bunch of test tubes or whatnot. We all have projects that are close
to us. Did you ask what he's working on?" "Well,
no," said Eli, slightly awkwardly. "It would just be Greek to me,
really. You know that better than anyone. The only way I could get
you to shut up about science was to gossip about boys with you." Elly
giggled a bit. "You never really tried. But you have no idea what
he's working on. It could be personal, or it could be a lot of fun.
Some experiments are more than just 'ogling mice.'" Eli
sighed. "You're right. I guess I was just miffed at not being able
to spend my Saturday with him. And being up at five in the morning.
But why'd you call Elly? What's up?" Elly
sighed. "Well, I really wanted to talk to Soren." "What,
were you bored and felt like teasing him," joked Eli. "Maybe,"
tittered Elly. "But I also had some questions for him on
biochemistry that he might be able to answer. The internet has been
very unhelpful lately, and he might know something my textbook isn't
telling me." "Well
you'll have to call tomorrow," grumbled Eli. "he doesn't answer
his phone unless he's on break when he works." "Well,
sorry to bug you," said Elly. "I'll have to save those problems
for tomorrow I guess. Say hi to Soren for me. And chill out a bit.
Just ask him about what he's working on or something. Show a little
interest and he might tell you why he's going on every so often. I'll
talk to you later." "I'll
do that. Bye, sis."Eli
hit the end call button, being careful not to smear paint on his
screen. He sighed. Elly was probably right. Maybe he'd ask tonight.
Right now they just needed a little space. Well, that's why he shooed
Soren away to the lab anyway, so they could both think on this thing
separately. But what was there really to think about? All he was
really doing was getting jealous of some mice. They seemed to be
getting more attention from Soren than he was lately. But that was
wrong. Soren was just the same as always, coming home, cooking them
dinner, finding something fun for them to do afterward. Then they'd
go to bed together. He was just being petty, really. Eli sighed,
returning to his new painting. With a few touch ups this might
actually work... ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________Soren
came in the door at ten o clock, putting his jacket and bag on the
hooks near the door. Eli looked up from the screenplay that Alexis
had sent him. "Hello, Soren." Soren
reached back to scratch his neck. "Hi, Eli. Did you eat?" Eli
nodded. "I did. I just finished the lasagna. I hope you don't
mind." Soren
shook his head. "I wrapped it up for you in particular. That recipe
does not travel too well." "Well,
thanks for wrapping it for me. Did you have fun with your work
friends?""Yeah,"
said Soren, "We went to Silvia's. Thomas carpooled with Lester, but
Thomas wanted to go early, so I took Lester home." "I
know," said Eli. "I got your text. It's fine. I might go to bed
soon. I did a lot of painting while you were gone." "Did
it go well," asked Soren, tentatively. "I hope it did." Eli
frowned. "It was... OK. I got blocked after dinner." Soren
nodded. "Well, show me if you want. I might go to bed soon, too."
Eli
put his nose back in his screenplay. "That's fine. I'll be there
soon, I expect." Soren
walked to the bathroom, running the water to brush his teeth. Eli
waited for Soren to finish before heading to the bathroom himself. He
felt like a shower. A long one. He sighed as the hot water ran over
him, wiping his wet bangs out of his eyes. What was the point of his
delaying? This mess was his fault, really. He stewed in the hot water
as he washed himself. He wasn't even able to think straight. Eli shut
off the water and toweled off.Stepping
out of the bathroom, he saw the shadow of Soren on his side of the
bed, curled into a ball. Eli's heart sank at this. He was closing
himself off. Eli whispered to the ball of covers, softer than soft,
"Are you awake, Soren?" "Yeah."
Eli
paused, bowing his head. He sat on Soren's side, sliding into the
niche that was formed by Soren's elbows and knees. He turned and
reached down to rub Soren's shoulders. "Sore, I just wanted to tell
you... no matter what, I still love you." Soren
tensed under Eli's gentle touch "I- what?"Eli
ran a hand down Soren's back. "I'm sorry. I blew the whole thing
out of proportion. It's my fault we fought. But I'm sorry, and I love
you no matter what."To
Eli's surprise, Soren sat up in a whirl of blankets and embraced him,
wrapping them in soft fur and strong arms. "Oh, Eli. But... This is
all my fault really. I mean, I was the one who was going to work at
five in the morning. I was going in on our Saturdays." "There's
nothing wrong with that. Not really," said Eli, pressing his face
into Soren's chest. "It's just... you work so hard. All the time.
And it makes me worry. I wish you'd take a break some days. And I
wish you told me that you were getting up early like that."Soren
kissed Eli. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't want to bother you at
five in the morning. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time." Eli
ran his hand across Soren's cheek."It isn't a big deal. I
just wish you would have told me. But mostly I... I just wish you'd
take some time off. Even when you have time off, you spend it with
me, or with friends. I can't remember the last time you took time for
you. I really wish you would just... relax."Soren
held Eli close, resting his muzzle on a shoulder. Eli could feel soft
pressures on his shoulder as Soren spoke. "I'm sorry, Eli. I guess
I got overzealous when I got assigned to this project." Eli
closed his eyes as Soren held him. "Soren, I know you love your
job. And there is nothing wrong with that. You love your lab work as
much as I love to paint. But I just don't really understand... what
about this project is driving you so much?" Soren
scratched the back of his head. "I uh... never did tell you what I
was working on, really... did I?""No,"
said Eli. "I generally don't ask. You know I can't wrap my head
around that kinda stuff."Soren
sat back down on their bed, letting Eli slide on top of him."Well,
did I tell you how Grandma Jeanne died?"Eli
rested his head on Soren's chest, repositioning himself to wrap his
arms around Soren's shoulders. "Didn't you say it was pneumonia?"
Soren
nodded as he rested his hands on the small of Eli's back. "Yes. It
was... kind of stupid really. Grandpa Gregory was a chain smoker. And
you know, even fire types can't breathe that crap in for thirty years
and get away with it." Eli
nodded gravely. He wasn't a doctor, but he didn't need to be to see
where this was going. "So... she got a cold or something, right?"Soren
closed his eyes for a moment. "Yeah... she was so healthy and fit.
It didn't seem like a big deal even when it dragged on a bit. She was
just the type that didn't get sick. And when she did go see her
doctor, it had... progressed. It was something that younger lungs
could have handled. Or maybe some healthier lungs. But it just...
consumed her really." Eli
raised his head to see tears leaking from Soren's eyes. He held Soren
tighter, letting Soren gather himself. "Oh, sweetie," was all he
could say."It
hurt to see her so... diminished. She was so vibrant before she got
sick. And then in a matter of weeks she was stuck in a bed with
oxygen tubes... and... and..." Eli
wiped a tear from Soren's eye. He tried to say something. Three of
his own grandparents were dead. But what could he say? Sometimes a
cuddle was enough. At least he hoped it would be enough. "It
was so greedy of me," said Soren, talking into Eli's shoulder. "I
wanted her to get well because, you know, I loved her and didn't want
to see her sick. But there was a more personal reason. I told you.
She was my safe haven, away from my stupid family's drama. Their
fucking inane bibles and manners and politics. And that they refused
to talk to me unless I broke one of their stupid fucking rules. I
could go to Jeanne's whenever I wanted. I could play music, I could
cook with her, I could just do my homework or talk to her without
having to be in that damn house. And I lost that when she was sick.
All I could do was watch her get sicker." Eli
held Soren as they lay in their bed., "Sweetie, I'm so sorry. But,
I uh... how does this pertain with your job? Are you working on
something that treats pneumonia?""Well,
yeah," said Soren, smiling through his tears. "I mean... I know
medicine has progressed in the last decade, but still. I have the
chance to rescue someone from going through... that. It's stupid and
sentimental, but the drug specializes in combating the illness in its
more progressed states. I guess I've gotten a bit too into this one."Eli
lay his head back on Soren's chest again. "I understand,
sweetheart. But, Soren, please, there's more to life than work. I
know it's important, and I know you love it, but for god's sake you
went to work right after you got in a car wreck. You're going in at
absurd hours and working overtime. I know you're doing it because you
love your job, but please, sweetheart, you aren't the only person in
that lab."Soren
sat them both up, kissing Eli, lingering for a while before
whispering, "Eli, sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was
bothering you. I don't have to spend so much time there if you don't
want me to." Eli
growled in pleasure as he felt slightly rough lips brush against his
own. "Soren, it's not bothering me. It's worrying me. I
don't care if you work early or late every so often. You and I love
what we do and that's wonderful, but please, Soren, take a break
every now and again. Soren
smiled. "I promise not to go in Saturdays, OK? I'm sorry for all
this mess." "I'm
sorry I blew all this up," said Eli, rolling off Soren onto his
side of the bed. "You can go in for extra time if you want to, but
every day is too much. You deserve some play with your hard work."Soren
grinned as he swamped them both in the blankets, kissing Eli along
his collarbones. "Does that mean I get to play with you?"Eli
reached for Soren and kissed him on the muzzle. "Any day we want,
sweetie. I love you."