See ya Later, Skater
I finally wrote something! Sorry for the long gap between submissions, it's been a challenge to find the time and motivation to write. In the interest of easing back into it, I've thrown together something short and sweet, which is the first of various "Bits and Bobs" that I'm going to try working on. Just some goofy, shorter works to get back into the swing of writing. Expect to see more in the near-ish future!
This one concerns a trio of skateboarders doing a somewhat unorthodox trick that goes terribly wrong for one of them. Expect a cat fella to lose his balls (off-screen). Enjoy!
Sam peered down the rail and bit his lip, as he always did when he wanted to look like he was thinking. 2 flights, a flat in the middle, maybe a total of… what, 100 feet? It didn’t help that the dip at the bottom made it hard to see the landing zone from up here, but it was flat enough ground. However many feet it was, he’s a skater, not an engineer, and he was gonna land this grind without breaking a sweat. Even with the… complications that the group decided to add.
“Yeah, this’ll totally work.” The lynx nodded and took a few steps back, rejoining the two gals with him, one fiddling with a scuffed up video-camera plastered with faded stickers, and the other with her own board, fixing the pesky back axle that was always out of alignment. Sam thunked his board against the concrete to get their attention, which only seemed to pull Nora away from her camcorder. Lynn wasn’t the best listener- but damn could that lizard skate. “Alright, let’s run through the trick again. Nora’s got the other cam set up at the midpoint, and she’ll be waiting at the bottom for the finish. I go down first, hit the switch in the middle, nail the landing, Lynn follows, lands, cut. Easy.”
It wasn’t rocket science, and Sam was as much a public speaker as he was an engineer, but it never hurt to have a little review. “Cool. Cool cool. When are you planning on dropping your pants?” The ferret asked, snapping a new battery into her camcorder and giving the trio a little sweep with it, just to make sure everything was working.
Sam bit his lip again, his little snaggletooth standing out rather cutely against his fur. “Hmm. Honestly, I think it’ll be way easier if I get ‘em down early. I think I’ll be going too fast to do it at the flat. Takes more effort than Lynn just lifting her sweater.” The more he thought about it, the more his confidence wavered. The grind was easy enough, but flashing the camera mid-grind? It was as awesome an idea as when Nora first had it, but now that he was on location he was beginning to question the logistics.
“Naw, yeah, that’ll work bro. Just loosen ‘em up or whatever first and like… yeah. Long as you get the goods out by the end of the flat you’ll be fine.” Lynn finally looked up from her board, flashing the other two a wide, toothy grin. “This shit is gonna ROCK.”
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Sam was going too fast. Did the park’s department go around oiling all the handrails on the stairs today? And why did he leave his belt on after undoing it? That was annoying. He was halfway down the first flight of stairs, rapidly approaching the flat line of rail that would be the moneyshot. C’mon Sam, this’ll be easy. Just fuckin’-
It was glorious. The finest trick ever pulled. Sam hit the flat, using the flattening of his momentum to yank his jeans down, giving Nora’s perfectly placed camcorder a beautiful shot of some primo lynx peen as he soared on past. His junk flapped proudly in the air, a big stupid smile on his face. This was totally gonna go viral! And it was totally going to be because of his sick-ass grinding skills (and his dick’n’balls, which were totally going to be more popular than Lynn’s tits).
For a few brief moments, Sam was on top of the world. And then, his footing slipped right before the next decline, and he was on top of the rail. More accurately, he was on top of his balls on top of the rail. His board shot out from under him with all the slipperiness of a well lubricated lynx dong, and as his legs came down on either side of the rail, the rail came up to meet him square in the nutsack. A muffled clang rang out from his weight slamming down, followed by a barely audible eep, those rubbery lynx-nuts squashed flat between the unforgiving rail and the rest of his body. This all occurred in a moment though, and what followed was much worse for poor Sam- his momentum carried him onward, down the next decline and toward the ferret waiting at the bottom, his unlucky balls playing the part of his board for that half of the grind.
Nora was rather confused when Sam came sailing down sans-skateboard, and it took her a moment after he had landed in a crumpled, curled up, mewling ball to realise what was going on. Even then, she didn’t drop the camera until the meek “My balls…” rattled out from the lynx.
“Oh shit.” She scurried over, her camera clattering to the ground as she flipped him over, tugging his legs apart to inspect the damage. “Shit, you good Sam? Jeez, I bet that hurt, you came down right on your fuckin’-”
“My nuts…”
“-Yeah, your nuts. Stop squirming for a second bro, let me take a look.” Nora had no idea what she was looking’ for, really. Well, his testicles, obviously, but she wasn’t sure how well she could diagnose the damage given her complete lack of medical expertise. She crouched down and pulled his hands away, getting an eyeful of his battered boy-bits, and then gingerly took that fuzzy sack in her hands. They seemed… like balls? Yeah, like balls always do. Though, they did seem pretty swollen. And he certainly was mewling a whole lot louder while she fondled them.
“Uh.. I think they’re fine? As fine as they can be, given you fell on ‘em. God, that was loud. Sounded like that fuckin’, like, metal pipe banging sound effect. But it was like, your balls.” Despite the pained moans of her buddy, she couldn’t stop herself from giggling at how accurate a comparison it was. Shit, it must really have hurt. “Just uh… keep laying there I guess. I’ll gonna run to the car and get ice pack out of the first aid- oh, and we should probably signal Lynn to…”
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Lynn was fuckin’ flying man! She hit that rail so hard she swore there were sparks. Grind-queen, that’s what she was man. The lizard flew downward at mach-5, expertly poised and balanced, just real textbook shit. The moment she hit the flat at the middle, she yipped in glee and yanked her hoodie up, giving the cam a nice lens-full of perky lizzy-tiddies before zipping right on past. So caught up in the moment, in her perfect execution, in the cool rush of the wind against her bare boobs, she didn’t think to look down to make sure her landing zone was clear. Sam and Nora were pros, just like her, they wouldn’t just… lie there with their legs spread with what essentially amounted to a big red target on a pair of plump kitty-nuts, would they?
Well, Nora didn’t of course, she leapt clear- but Sam was too out of sorts to do anything but stare, wide-eyed and breathless, as Lynn careened down the last section of the rail at speed, the end of her board like a nut-seeking cruise missile. All he could muster was a high-pitched “Lynn, wait!” in the same moment that her board left the rail and flew right-
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1 Week Later
Sam grumbled under his breath, and fumbled for his phone, which had been buzzing incessantly with notifications for the better part of 5 minutes. Unsurprisingly, it was the skate crew’s group chat-
“yooooooooo, we just hit 200k!”
“holy shitttttt lmfao thats so sick”
“told u it was gonna go viral lol and all the comments r about how nice my tits r”
“ho. also sorry again about ur balls sammy </3 but look how many views it got us!!”
“yeah dude sucks to be u but also like who needs balls when ur famous and stuff?? #worth”
Sam rolled his eyes, typed off a bunch of angry emojis, and then went back to bed.