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I think it's been three days since my last entry... I've started marking days every time I see Ivan and Stevo wearing different shirts. They've got homes to go back to, they've got lives outside of this place. Hell, Stevo has a wife and kid... I wonder what she'd think if she knew what he did all day at his job... They've been spending a little less time with me. They've got other slaves to work with, although, they remind me repeatedly that I'm the most difficult. I'm also apparently the only one being trained as a sex slave right now, so I'm the only one they fuck... Lucky me.

I haven't been able to get back and write because I spent the last few nights in the dungeon. They've moved on from just raping me to trying to strip away what little self-respect I still have left. One of their favorite things to do now is call me names... Slut, whore, bitch. They've stopped using my real name altogether. They make fun of how strongly my body reacts to sex, how easy it is to get me to moan for them. I've been getting better at holding back though... I might be getting a little bit better at controlling this fucking body.

I still refused to give them oral. That's one part of my body that they can't take by force without worrying about me hurting them. My snout makes ring-gags basically worthless, so they have no way of making me suck their dicks. They've tried punishing me for it by spanking me again, but my ass is already in enough agony just from the bruises alone. Getting hit again isn't too much worse. Besides, I'd rather deal with the pain than to let them win.

Ivan's been trying to play good cop though, telling me how beautiful I am and how happy I can make people. He especially loves complementing me while he's in the middle of fucking me. The really sad part is that it sort of works... When he tells me how wonderful and beautiful I am there's a part of me that feels good about it. Even worse, is that he's subjected me to something that might hurt my mind worse than getting fucked... Cuddles.

The first day he made me ride him, forcing me to be on top with my arms tied behind my back like normal. I came, as usual, but this time instead of just pulling me off him, he held me there, wrapping his arms around me and keeping himself hilted inside me. He had me in a warm hug, reaching back with one hand to stroke my hair, gently. God, I almost melted... I remember lying with Jessica, just cuddling and basking in the afterglow. It made me sick that Ivan's embrace reminded me of that...

I don't know how long he held me there... but it was warm, and cozy, and almost loving. I actually fell asleep right then. I don't know how long I was out, but I guess not long. I remember feeling my heart sink when I realized again it was Ivan I was snuggled up with and not Jessica. He was apparently happy with whatever reaction I had, just rubbing his nose up against my own before shifting around to give Stevo enough room to take my ass again. The night continued like that... Them switching off fucking me and snuggling me up. When it came to the tender stuff I just growled and bared my teeth at them, but that usually just earned me a slap across the face.

They were patient. They kept this up for about two days I think... I guess it was even fun for them, to see me struggle and cry so much. They kept my wrist cuffs chained to that damn semen-stained table, only sometimes letting me up to get me fed and go to the bathroom. I spent most of that time sleeping, though. Sleeping had become my favorite thing to do, since in my sleep, I could dream, and in my dreams, I was human again. It was frightening how vivid my dreams of my former life were. It was like I was there again. It was a double-edged sword, though. It made me feel so much better, but it made waking up hurt that much worse...

The second day Ivan woke me up, jolting me out of a dream where I was sitting with Jessica. I had apparently been talking in my sleep, since he was quick to mock me. "Jessica, hm? An old flame of yours, was she?" He asked me, stroking my face. I bared my teeth agai

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They found me writing... They found my journal... Christ, they just barged into my cell before I could scramble to hide it. They let me keep it, but only after they made me EARN it. God, I feel like such a slut. The things I've written down, and the details. I don't even know if I should write about this stuff anymore... But I don't have anything else to do with my life now...

Ivan and Stevo barged into my room, and saw me scrambling to hide my journal. I felt my heart racing and I remember screaming "No!" at them as Stevo walked over and wrenched it out of my hands. I wanted to hang on to it with all my might, but the thought of damaging it made me waver, and made me let go. I immediately found myself crying as he turned to show it to Ivan, grabbing my collar and holding me at bay with his other hand.

"What's this, love? A diary?" He asked, handing it over to his friend. Ivan took it and flipped through a few pages, immediately starting to chuckle to himself.

"Yeah, it sure is." He confirmed. I had no idea why they even came in here, but whatever the reason was sure lost under the discovery of my notebook. I couldn't help it, I reached out trying to take it from him but Stevo yanked me back, choking me again.

Stevo laughed, "She writing about us? Nice things I hope."

"Ha ha. Not nice, but some of this is awful saucy." He teased. I felt my cheeks flush hard. Up until recently I hadn't even realized how specific and how elaborate I had been writing my encounters with rape. "This part is like a porno book. Poorly written, but still, ha ha ha."

"Give me that back!" I screamed, humiliated and terrified at the same time.

Stevo choked me again and said, "Shush now! I think the boss would want to know about this."

"Probably." He said, but he scanned through a few more pages before looking me in the eyes. He closed the book and lifted it up. "So tell me, little girl. Where did you get this?" He asked me, calmly. I just looked away from him but he smacked me on the nose with the journal, like a man swatting his disobedient dog. "Where!?"

I gulped and glared up at him, "From one of your guys... Brown hair, scruffy..." I said, hoping to at least get someone else in trouble with me.

"Bill?" Ivan asked, a little perplexed.

"Yeah, he carries those things around, takes notes in 'em." Stevo confirmed.

Ivan nodded and tilted his head towards the door. "Go get him." He ordered. Stevo nodded and let go of my collar before leaving. I just looked up at Ivan, teary-eyed but angry still. He grinned at me. "So, I take it you want this back? How badly?" He asked me. My heart sank and I looked down at the ground. "Oh. That badly, huh? Must be important to you. It helps cope with all that's happening, doesn't it?" He seemed genuinely sympathetic for a moment.

He reached over and pet my head, "Normally I would just take this, but you're a special girl. I'll tell you what: we'll give you some slack and give this back... if you'll be a good girl and cooperate with us a little bit, hm? That sounds fair right?"

I was trembling. I looked up at him, and then at my book. I swallowed the huge lump forming in my throat, "Wh... what do you want...?"

"That's a good girl. I'll give this back and let you keep it if..." He hesitated a moment. I just sighed, trembling. I knew what he was going to ask me for. "... you promise not to bite us. Ever."

I heard myself whimper. I knew that's where this was going. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but he was holding this notebook over my head, literally. This was the only thing I really had, the only thing I had to remind myself that I'm human... I nodded, sadly. I don't know if that was the best decision, even now, but at the time I was just so desperate to hang on to it that I was willing to do what he asked. Looking back on it now, it's ironic. And stupid. I feel like I gave up part of my identity then. I took a step I'd promised myself I'd never take. I traded away part of my dignity just for an artifact that reminded me that I used to have some.

He just smiled and undid his fly, smacking my nose with his already-hard cock. Stevo got back just in time with his friend to see Ivan lording over me. "Do a good job now." He told me, still holding onto the book. I whimpered and opened my mouth, and he immediately jammed his flesh into it. With my snout it was pretty much impossible for him to choke me, but I gagged anyway. The way I shifted made me brush some of my teeth against his cock, prompting him to scold me and tell me, "Hey, watch the teeth now."

I'll always remember that taste now, especially thanks to my over-strong sense of taste and smell. God, it was revolting but, like everything else they subjected me to, my body seemed to have an instinctive love for it. I think it was some kind of musk or something, I don't know, but something was turning my body on from just the taste. "Close your lips. And use your tongue." He ordered. I think I was just broken from what I found myself doing, because I followed his instructions to the letter despite starting to sob pretty hard.

He started forcing my head back and forth, my long tongue coiling around his cock. The other two just laughed as they watched me, Bill mentioning that "She looks like a natural." It was humiliating.

"See what she used your notebook for." Ivan said, passing the three-by-five notebook over to him. He and Stevo started reading through it while Ivan focused all his attention on me. They all laughed, starting to read my entries to each other, out loud.

Even I was surprised at the explicit detail I went into... I hadn't even realized I had spent so much time detailing my rape. I was ashamed. I still AM ashamed. Fuck, I've even been doing it again... I might as well keep going... stream of consciousness and all that, plus it's too late to stop now.

As they read my journal, Ivan kept face-fucking me, hard. I thought to myself that I now had the chance to seriously hurt him. I don't know about biting his dick clean off, but I could sure do some damage. But I chickened out... I just let him have his way with me. My cheeks were burning red as he started to get close to finishing, all the while Stevo and Bill laughing about some of the more explicit parts.

He pulled out of my mouth and held me by my hair. I closed my eyes tight, knowing what he was doing. He sprayed my face and my chest with his cum, marking me with his scent for only God knows how long.... After he finished he laughed, told me how cute I looked, and let go of me. Stevo didn't wait long before he was in front of me, and starting the whole process over again. Bill kept reading the thing while Stevo had his way, occasionally pulling out to slap my cheeks with his cock. I don't know why, to humiliate me more, probably...

Fuck, I'm running out of pages now... Speeding things up, when he came, he made me swallow it, but that wasn't too terrible considering the other things they'd made me do. I was more frightened at how good their... their cum tasted... They let me go, and gave my journal back. They even gave me a new pen to write with. Ivan pet my head, told me how good I'd been, and said that I'd get a reward for it soon. It doesn't help.

Looking back at all this, going over everything, reading everything... I think I've lost... I think I'm a lost cause as it is. I can't help but dwell on all the things they do to me, all the pain and pleasure they put me through. No matter how much I keep telling myself I hate it, I keep thinking about it, and just reading my own journal entries gets me all hot and bothered down there... Christ, it's taking all my willpower to not masturbate to my own notes. I AM a slut... Whether it's because of my body or my own weakness of character, I don't know... I don't want to be a slut, I don't WANT all this to feel good. I just want to go home, be normal again... I hate what they've made me... I'm ashamed, humiliated... guilty.

My last page... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for what I've become. God, please help me, give me strength, send me help, anything. Maybe Jessica's better off never seeing me again. Never seeing this... creature they've made me...

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I'm so sorry, Jessica... forgive me...