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Blain and I kept hanging out together as the days passed by. And even though it took me around six weeks to get over my break-up with Nikki, I managed to with the help of Blain. But he had issues of his own that I tried to help him with... Blain had difficulty to get back in touch with friends he hasn't seen for well over two years when he was stationed for active duty in Sercia. And when he did, they hardly recognized him... Blain felt that they all moved on, while he stayed behind... Friendships come and go but he never expected it to go so fast... And I felt so sorry for him when all of his friends left him one by one... I know what that's like... But Blain felt that he was better off without them... So he turned to one of the few friends he had left... Me... I did everything I could to help him getting used to a normal life again... So unbeknownst to us, we were actually helping each other out by simply spending time together and set our minds on different things...

On a Friday evening, Blain and I watched Inception together a week after its release in the movie theatres. It was around half passed twelve in the evening when we left the place and headed for a grand cafe to get a drink and just sit around and chat. The grand cafe was crowded with people having fun and I had a great time with him that evening... There were a group of guys who were rather loud, sitting at the bar not too far from us but we didn't pay much attention to them... We figured they were just having fun, like we did... Blain got himself a beer and a cola for me when we took our seats at the bar... 'No Daiquiri, Ceylan?' 'Haha, no! I'll stick with cola, thank you very much.' 'Hehehe... Hey, you know...' 'Hm...?' 'You look really good in that dress...' 'Aww... Thank you...' 'You need wear dresses more often.' 'Really...?' 'Yeah... I just like seeing you in a dress...' 'Hihi... I can be quite feminine...' 'Haha!' 'So uhm... How'd it go with that job interview last Wednesday?' 'The interview itself went well but uhm...' 'Oh? What happened?' 'They thought my skills and qualifications didn't fully fit the job description... My guidance councillor went along who did her best to set me up with this job but it simply didn't work out despite that whole "Hire a Hero" campaign they've set up for Sercian veterans.' 'Oh... I'm sorry to hear that...' 'Hm... The military is just a whole different culture than the private sector and so far, it's really difficult to fit back in society. It's too bad, because... I really wanted to get the job and set my mind on other things, you know?' 'Yeah...' 'Ah well... My guidance councillor hasn't let me down yet. She still has several other jobs I'm qualified for so I'll just wait and see. And in the mean time, I'm studying to get additional diplomas which increase my chances on the job market.' 'It's good to hear that you stay so positive about it.' 'What else can you do?' 'What, besides drinking and smoking blunts with your best lady friend?' 'Haha, I'm not complaining!' 'It's great to see you're doing so well, Blain... It really is...'

Blain smiled at me and took a swig from his beer while I just looked around the grand cafe . It wasn't anything special. I normally don't like these kind of crowded places but it had a nice cozy feeling to it. Several bouncers were keeping an eye on the crowd but people were just having fun. Looking for ways to celebrate the weekend, just like we did... 'So how've you been, Ceylan?' 'Hm? Oh! Well, you know, same old me! Nothing exciting going on at the moment and I love it.' 'Hehe, how's the single life treating you?' 'A lot better than it was six weeks ago actually... I get to do my own things now.' 'Such as?' 'Uh... Well, you've seen my NAS server. It took me a few days to get it working but I can now stream my downloaded movies throughout the house. And uhm... I'm building a PC for my uncle at the moment.' 'Hehe, you're doing it a lot better than I do.' 'What do you mean?' 'After I saw how it worked at your house, I wanted a NAS server of my own but I can't seem to make it work properly.' 'Why didn't you tell me you have one, I could've helped you with that.' 'I figured it wasn't going to be that complicated and at some point, I got so sick of it that I just left it. I still can't seem to make my NAS work downstairs. Upstairs it works without any problems.' 'It doesn't work downstairs?' 'Yeah. I've read the manual and did everything it said. Placed a new hard drive and formatted it, installed the firmware, gave it a static IP address from the modem but it only works upstairs.' 'So your media player doesn't recognize your NAS which its placed upstairs?' 'Yeah and when I move the NAS downstairs, the media player upstairs doesn't recognize the NAS. It simply says "No media server found".' '... Is there a router placed between your modem and NAS server?' 'Yeah, otherwise I don't have internet upstairs.' 'Well, there's your problem.' 'Oh?' 'You need to place a switch instead of a router. It's not in the same network so it doesn't get recognized.' 'It wouldn't make a difference, would it?' 'It does. A router forwards packets to a destination IP address, which is dynamically generated when your network is DHCP enabled. The router connected upstairs forms a separate network and seeing as your NAS server has a static IP address, it doesn't correspond with your modem. Which is why the NAS server isn't recognized downstairs.' '... Ah.' 'A network switch simply forwards the data packets to the designated device, in this case your NAS server.' 'I really didn't get all that.' 'Replace your router with a twelve dinar switch and everything will work.' 'Alright, I'll give that a try then... Oh, which reminds me. Figure you could set me up with a PC?' 'A new one?' 'Yeah? I want to give the one I currently have to my mother.' 'Well yeah, sure. What kind of PC are you looking for?' 'A simple one, only for e-mail and internet and stuff.' 'We can look in to it some time.' 'Great! You're better at this stuff than I am.' 'It's really not that hard to build one...' 'No, but the last time I did it myself, I fried a three hundred dinar motherboard because I screwed it directly in the case... And when I got a new one, the CPU processor melted when I forgot to connect the cooler-fan...' 'Hehehe...' 'So I'd rather leave it to you.' 'No problem.'

Blain and I were talking about all sorts of things while we sat there at the bar. Checking out girls together and stuff... Haha, it's funny when a guy and a girl have mutual interests... It really is a great way to have a conversation... There once was a time where I felt ashamed to be so open about my bi-sexuality but now I simply wasn't giving a damn anymore... I didn't care what people would think of me and my sexual orientation simply because people are afraid of what they don't know... And even though Blain knew about it for many years, it still feels great to be so open about it...

At some point, Blain had to go to the bathroom so I waited for him at the bar and ordered another beer for him and a cola for me. The group of guys who were being loud I mentioned earlier before were right next to me, surrounding a small group of girls. I thought all of them were together but judging by the conversation they had, it didn't really seem like a pleasant one anymore. At first, the girls were laughing and talking with them but as one of the guys started to insist, that's when it all became a little grim... They were no longer joking and started to harass these girls, insinuating to come with them... I was nervously twiddling with a beer felt when I heard those girls ask the guys more than once to leave them alone... The tremble in their voices gave away that they started to get scared and intimidated when they weren't leaving... And that's when I said it... 'I thought I heard them ask you to leave them alone.'

One of the guys turned his head and looked down on me while I stared right back at him... A bulldog guy, probably in his mid-twenties or something... He looked very surprised at first and his breathe smelled like alcohol while staring at me with these little squint piggy eyes... But then he just started to laugh, point his finger at me and faced his mates... 'Oy, lookie here! There's a nig-nog among us!'

"Nig-nog...? Isn't that a racial slur of some sort...?" Right that very second, I regret I ever meddled... They turned their attention to me and even though they left those other girls alone, didn't mean I wanted attention from them instead... The other girls grabbed their things and fucked off as fast as they could... "That's gratitude for you..." Soooo I turned around and tried to find a way to talk myself out of it when they started to surround me... 'Come on,that was uncalled for to harass them like that. They're just here trying to have fun.' 'Oh, but so are we! What's a Cotton Picker like yourself doing all alone here?' 'Would you stop calling me names...? I find that rather offensive...' 'Aaawww... She's offended!'

And at that point, he moved closer to me and stared at me with penetrating eyes... I felt my heart pounding in my chest and I'm normally not scared easily but this guy... He was fucking mental... Drunk... And a racist too, which can never be a good combination... But nevertheless, despite the fear I felt, I tried to keep myself together... 'Well, I'm sorry that you are, love but... I fucking HATE you already...' 'Sooooo your point is...?' 'My point is that you're still sitting there while you ought have been deported by now.' 'Perhaps... But you can't blame me for your ignorance of other cultures and values...' 'Did I just heard that right? Are you calling me ignorant?' 'Yes... Because you simply lack the will to understand and have false perceptions about us... It's exactly what makes you so goddamn ignorant...' '... That's the first time some fucking napkin-nigger ever dared to go that far with me.' 'Gives you something to think about, doesn't it...?' 'The hell is going on here?'

"Blain!! Oh my god, thank goodness you're back...!!" I tried to stay calm on the outside but on the inside, I was shitting bricks... Imagine my relief when I heard Blain's voice and he looked very surprised to see me being surrounded by six males... Blain looked at the group but stared at one guy in particular standing in the back, another bulldog who looked somewhat familiar... It wasn't until Blain said his name that I remembered who he was... 'Randy... Long time no see...'

"Randy...??" I looked up to him and it took me a moment to realize it really was him... The guy who used to bully us when we were little for reasons we didn't know at the time... But his motives were clear now, considering the group of people he was now hanging out with... I didn't recognized anyone else from the group though... Randy looked at us for a short moment before averting his eyes again... The bulldog who had the biggest mouth turned to Randy instead... There was something... I don't know... Something sinister in his voice that send a chill down my spine... 'You know them?' 'N-No, no I don't.' 'They seem to know you. Would be real disappointing to know my little brother were friends with this sand-nigger and that chilli shitter.'

Blain never was a male of many words... Always took action instead... And unlike me, he didn't try to talk his way out of it... He started to get furious and pushed the loud mouthed bulldog back but was held back by his friends... Blain got pushed as well as the loud mouthed guy was walking towards him, drawing all of them away from me... And that's when I tried to get the attention of one of the bouncers. It didn't take him long to realize that shit was about to hit the fan, a group of six closing in on just one guy... So he called several other bouncers and intervened before anything happened. All six of them got thrown out of the café under loud protest but that didn't help them... I took a deep breathe and tried to relax but somehow, I had a really bad feeling about all this... Blain took his seat next to me and pretended as if nothing ever happened... It stayed quiet between us for a long time while I took a sip from my cola with shaky hands... 'You okay, Ceylan?' 'Y-Yeah... Yeah, I think so... Oh my god, I can't believe what just happened...' 'Fucking asshole is Randy's brother, who'd have thought?' 'O-Oh god...' 'Relax, it's all over.' 'I-I just... I-I can't stay here, Blain... I need to go home...' 'It's not like were gonna let them-' 'Blain, please... I'm scared...' 'Okay... We'll finish our drinks and then we'll go home, okay?' 'O-Okay...' 'We should wait for a group to leave the café and tag along with them until we reach the car.' 'S-Sure... Okay...'

I was scared... Of course I was... All I wanted was to go home, the only place in the world where I could be safe but that meant I had to go outside... But his plan to tag along with a group leaving the café sounded so safe... Nothing could go possibly wrong... Stay in well lit and well crowded area's and we'd be fine... Just encase they were waiting for us...

It took about forty five minutes when a group large enough left the café and I finally had the guts to go outside... I just couldn't shake off that uncomfortable feeling that something bad was about to happen... But we went outside nonetheless... We followed the group and stayed close to them but my car was parked two blocks away, seeing all parking spots were taken earlier that night... The group took a left turn at some point but we had to go right... "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...!!" I can't tell you how much I started to panic at that moment, knowing we still had one block to go... Blain took my arm and we went right instead... The streets were poorly illuminated and there was not a living soul out on the street... I was scared shitless but Blain assured me that everything would be okay... The two of us picked up the pace and walked as fast as we could to my car, not looking back... Perhaps we should've... I was so relieved when I finally saw my car parked in the distance but my heart skipped a beat when I heard a voice I wasn't at all comfortable with... 'Oy! Chilli shitter! Yeah, you and that coon friend of yours!'

The two of us stopped and turned around, where we saw six black postures heading our way... My hard was pounding in my throat but Blain seemed to stay calm... Up to this day, I still didn't know how he managed to stay so calm... These guys were racists... And I've seen what racists are capable of... Reasons enough for me to be scared shitless... 'O-Oh, fuck, oh fuck...! They followed us...!' 'Ceylan...?' 'Y-Yeah...?' 'I want you to take your car keys and run to your car as fast as you can while I distract them...' 'N-N-No, I-I'm not leaving you...! These guys aren't messing about, Blain...! There are six of them...! Let's just go, come on...!' 'They'll be here before we even reach the car... I'll draw them away to give you a chance to get out of here...' 'W-What are you gonna do...!?' 'Just go...! Run...!' 'Blain, no, no...! Blain...!! Don't...!'

Before I could stop him, Blain let go of me and headed towards the group... And even though he told me to run to the car, I didn't... I just couldn't leave him behind and I just stood there, not knowing what to do... 'You've got balls, mate, I gotta hand it to you. What's it called, cojones, right? In that fucking taco language of yours? You got us kicked out earlier tonight when my boys and I wanted to have a good time.'

Blain didn't say anything but simply evaded the group by going left, keeping his eye on their every movement... The group followed him, making their sides face me and distracted them so that I could run away... I looked at my car keys and realized I could've done it... To go to my car and drive away from everything to a place where it's all safe... But the real question was... Could I live with myself if I did...? To know that Blain was all alone facing six guys intending to hurt him for what he is...? A panther, a feline for all that matters...? I know I couldn't live with myself if I did... We've always stayed together... And it wouldn't be any different now that shit was about to hit the fan... So I got to him as fast as I could, scraping all of my guts together... Blain looked very surprised to see me coming back to him... And so were the group of guys once I stood next to Blain... 'The fuck are you doing, Ceylan?! Get the hell out of here!' 'N-No, I'm not leaving you!' 'Ceylan, for fucks sake, stay back!'

I wasn't realizing it but I fucked up Blain's plan by going back to him... But by the time I found out I did, it was already too late... The group started to close in on us, cutting off our chance of escape... And then all of sudden, something happened that no one ever expected... Randy turned around and stood in between us, facing his group of friends... 'So they are your friends then.' 'N-No man, I'm just saying... It's not worth it... Let's just find a pub elsewhere and have a beer... Come on, Jason, let's just go... They're not worth it...'

All of a sudden, his older brother became enraged and violently pushed Randy back... Randy barely managed to stay upright but started to avoid his brother by walking backwards... When his brother approached him again, Randy took a swing at him but his brother managed to dodge him and punched him in the face... Randy fell down on the ground and got kicked in the stomach when his brother turned against him... 'Not worth it?! Not FUCKING worth it?!! Haven't you learned a goddamn thing when dad got shot dead on the job, huh?!! For doing what was right?!! For EIGHT fucking years I looked after your scrawny little ass!! And this is what I get?!! Is that how you want to remember dad by letting them get away?!! You ungrateful little cunt, you fucking asshole!!'

"Oh my god..." Randy's brother snapped when Randy said that we weren't worth it and I simply just froze up after witnessing that... Randy was still on the ground, holding on to his stomach... Jason was so enraged when he started to act his anger out on Randy again, by punching and kicking him while Randy did his best to cover his face... All of a sudden, Blain got to Randy as fast as he could and pushed Jason away from Randy... Jason noticed Blain and went after him, followed by two more of his friends... Blain got ready to defend himself when he realized that there was no way out and even though Blain knows Tae Kwon Do, it was a really unfair fight with three against one... One of Jason's friends took a swing at Blain but he swiftly dodged... When his assailant threw another swing at him, Blain managed to block it, followed by an elbow strike, hitting his assailant in the face... Blain pulled a dollyeo chagi on him and roundhouse kicked him in the face, knocking his attacker down on the ground, disoriented with blood dripping down his nose... Right that very second, the two remaining assailants started to attack him at the same time and Blain received a powerful jab in the face, knocking him off balance... And I just... You know... When I saw that... Blain being hit... It all came back to me... Things from the past and... I just couldn't stand there and watch anymore... The fear I felt was replaced with something else...

I quickly took my pumps off and ran to them as fast as I could... I saw that Blain managed to recover and circled around his assailants... I punched the guy who hit Blain on the back of his head to throw him off balance when his back was facing me and when he turned to me, he seemed really surprised to see me... A girl, taking him on... The adrenaline was exploding all over my body when I came face to face with him, distracting him away from Blain... It didn't matter to him if I was a girl or not... He still tried to hit me... With raised fists, I blocked most of his attacks until he managed to throw me off balance... It knocked me down and I fell in a puddle but I quickly got back up on my feet... When he got close enough, I hit him in the face with the palm of my hand which disoriented him... Locking his arm underneath my armpit, I quickly stood sideways of him and kicked the back of his knees to make him fall down... All of a sudden, his body turned and he took another swing at me but I managed to dodge... The moment I let go of his arm, I hit his torso with a powerful jab, knocking the air out of his lungs... He collapsed to the ground, wheezing and gasping for air... And he stayed down...

Blain was still facing off against Jason but he was not easy to bring down... Blain's eyebrow was bleeding but he was still standing... Blain got distracted the moment he saw me running, which caught him off guard and got punched on the muzzle... Blain quickly took a step back afterwards but I saw that he was rather disoriented... Jason's back was facing me when I saw him pulling something out from his jacket and I saw Blain's reaction when he saw what it was... I couldn't see what it was but that's the reason why I ran over to him... I jabbed him in the waist to distract him from Blain and the moment Jason turned to face me, it really had me startled... His eyes were so full of rage, so full of misplaced anger... He took a swing at me, not knowing what he was holding... 'Ceylan, watch out!!'

It's a good thing he yelled... It made me snap back to reality... I felt something brushing against my left arm and took a step back to create some space between us... And from that moment on, everything seemed to go in slow-motion... Jason took another swing at me from below and in just a fraction of a second, I saw something shiny... And I just... I don't know... I-I just lost it, you know...? I managed to counter him by kicking his lower-arm and saw that whatever he was holding dropped to the ground... I firmly got hold of his arm and locked it underneath my armpit while kicking him in the waist with all of my strength... And what happened next will always stay with me... I heard a crack and a pop sound coming from his shoulder while he screamed his lungs out in pain... I kicked his legs to take him down on his stomach with his face on the pavement... And then I quickly got on top of him to make sure he wouldn't get up... I was panting and I felt like I could pass out any minute... But while I was on top of him, I noticed blood that wasn't his on his jacket... And then I saw a drop of blood falling down... I looked at my left arm and noticed a deep cut covered in blood... I was so startled by that... I saw the object he held earlier was a stiletto knife... "Holy fuck..." I could hear Jason yelling in pain and when I looked down on him, I saw his shoulder was dislocated... My hands were shaking and the only thought that ran through my mind was that I was responsible for that... But to see him in pain...? He earned it... He fucking deserved it... I didn't felt compassion... Not one bit... And it scared me because that's not who I am... 'Ow, goddamn it, you fucking cunt!!' 'I-I, uhm...' 'Fuck you!!' 'Heh...' 'You're all the fucking same!!' 'I'm truly sorry about what happened to your father... I-I really am... But what happened to him was the act of one individual, not by species other than your own... I know what it's like to lose your father... You're angry and I understand... But anger leads to misplaced hatred to people you don't know...' 'Don't you dare talking about my dad like you knew him, you goddamn sand-nigger!! FUCK you!!' 'You're right, I don't know him... Just as much as you don't know me... Know that I'm not sorry for what I did to you... Because it wouldn't be the first time someone hated me for what I am... The last time it happened, I wasn't able to do anything about it... But now I can... And I'll do anything to protect the ones I love and myself from people like you...'

All the yelling and screaming on the street didn't exactly go unnoticed at two AM... Several people were out there on the street just watching us when I heard the police sirens in the distance... Jason's three remaining friends stayed their distance while they kept watching... Within no time, several police-cars and two ambulances arrived... Three paramedics got to us and Jason got escorted to an ambulance by police officers where the ambulance personal popped his shoulder back in its socket... The rest of the ambulance personal attended Randy and those two other guys on the ground when I sat down in the ambulance, all under the watchful eye of the police-officers.... The paramedic carefully shaved the fur around my cut, cleaned it and stitched it up... It hurt so fucking bad ... But once she was done, she wrapped it up in bandages just when Blain arrived, holding an icepack against his eye and having a plaster over his eye-brow... He smiled when he saw me but I wasn't smiling back... I sighed quietly and stared ahead when Blain shook his head... 'You alright, Ceylan...?' 'No... No, I'm not...' 'It's fucked up...' 'Yeah... He had a knife, Blain... A fucking knife...' 'Hm-mm...' 'I don't wanna know what would've happened if you didn't warn me..' 'It's a good thing we'll never know...' 'Heh... Thank you...' 'Why didn't you just go when I told you to...?' 'You know me, I never listen to you...' 'Hehe... I'm glad you never do... Thanks for having my back...'

I nodded slowly while I just kept staring ahead... And what I saw was so surreal... It's the kind of scene you get to see when watching an episode of CSI or Law & Order... Police officers taking statements, ambulance personal taking care of victims... Like I ended up on a movie set or something... I saw Randy up ahead who got placed in an ambulance... Randy looked messed up, the worst of us all... His head was bleeding and had cuts and bruises all over his body...And that's when I got up and headed towards him... Blain followed me not long after... 'Randy...' 'Hey...' 'How, uhm... How you holding up...?'

Randy simply just shrugged and stared ahead, not looking at me... I kneeled before him to make him look me in the eyes... 'I've heard what he said about your dad... I'm sorry to hear that...' 'Yeah... My dad was a police-officer...' 'Hm...' 'Just one person shot him... Not an entire species... I started to understand that several years ago... But Jason never could...' 'Heh... I just... Uhm... Thank you...' 'I'm sorry, Ceylan...' 'It's okay...' 'No, no... I mean... I've put you and Blain through a lot of shit when we were young and uhm...' 'Don't worry about it... It's okay... I'm sorry too... I never meant to have hurt you back then...' 'Heh...'

All of a sudden, two police officers arrived and asked if Blain and I would come along with them... I looked at Randy who stared right back at me while I had a weak smile on my face... 'We have to go...' 'Okay...' 'Take care, Randy...' 'You too...'

It was a long night... It really was... The longest night I've ever had... I just didn't know what happened or why... But it simply did... Blain and I went to the police station where they took a statement from us and we explained everything that happened... Needless to say, we pressed charges against Jason and his friends... But that's a whole different story and uhm... It's all I have to say about it right now...

I finally came home around half passed five in the morning... And it wasn't until I looked in the mirror to see how messed up I was... My dress was dirty and partially ripped, had several bruises on my arms and a large stitched up cut... I sat down in the living room and stared ahead when Catherine came downstairs in her pyjamas when she heard me stumbling inside... The look on her face when she saw me so messed up... Heh... She kept asking me what happened and at first, I wasn't telling her anything... I was still shaking from everything that happened and I spontaneously started to cry, holding her close... I told her the whole story of what happened... I wish I didn't... The look on her face that night said enough...

I don't know in what country you live in... Maybe you're living on an entirely different world or even in an entirely different universe... But I suppose our worlds are probably not so different... There's always someone who hates others for what they are... So consumed by misplaced hatred for the smallest of reasons... It wouldn't be the first time that someone hated me for what I am... A tigress... I saw what misplaced hatred can do during the genocide in 1994... And I just... Heh... It's funny because, uhm... I thought I've left it all behind when I arrived here in Renaria... But that night, I realized that it doesn't matter where you go... It's everywhere...

I thought I had to feel something when I hurt him deliberately ... To feel regret or compassion or... I don't know... But when I pinned him to the ground, seeing him in pain, I didn't feel anything... And it scares me because... That's not who I am... The lack of compassion is the reason why people get hurt... But he deserved it... People aren't born with hate, they're shaped by the people around them and the things that happen to them... What I did to him happened on purpose... Because back then, I wasn't able to protect the people I love... But now I could... And I did everything I could to protect them and myself... I did what I had to do, right...? It didn't make me feel any better to know that I had to... Because I hated him for what he was... And it's sad because... It made me realize I wasn't any better than him...

Huahira jontil bachtu de asamúira... "There are no regrets in life, only lessons..."