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"You're late again, Rob," said Sandra. (Her tone-of-voice was suspiciously level.)

Robert Rabbit glared at his wife for a moment. Then he sat his fluffy tail in a chair at the kitchen table and waited for the haranguing. To his surprise, his wife sat beside him instead.

"Bruce called half an hour ago," she added, (far too calmly.) "He wants you to call him as soon as you get back."

"That son of a vixen!" Rob growled. "It'll be a cold day in hell when I talk to him again!"

"If you're referring to Dante's Inferno, the 9th level of Hell is eternal cold. Bruce was your best friend since bunnygarten. And this is the second night in a row you've been late. What is going on with you?"

Rob's expression turned rueful as an edge came to Sandra's voice at last. He knew from experience, she was actually worried.

But he said, "Nothin'."

For nearly a minute she glared at him. At last he glanced up.

"Try again," she grunted.

"All right," he growled. "You wanna know what Bruce said? I'll tell you the whole story..."

Sandra leaned back and tented her fingers, like some movie godfather about to make an offer he couldn't refuse. Rob face-palmed; he'd walked into her trap. As his expression melted like an apple drying in the sun, he swallowed and took a breath.

"Bruce and me were at the bar, havin' a beer," he began. "He wanted to know why I wasn't there the night before. So I told him, on the way home night before last, these two foxes started chasin' me..."

"What?" Sandra exclaimed. "Were they hunting you?"

"No, they wanted to sell me life insurance! Wha'd'ya think a couple foxes would want with a rabbit?

"So anyway, I started runnin', they started chasin'. Up streets, down alleys, yadda yadda. Finally I got around a corner before them. I just needed a place to hide so they'd pass me and I could back track and hide in a crowd. Just my luck, it's a dead end! But there was an open door half way down. So I ran into it. All of a sudden, something got me by my neck! Before I knew it, I got swung around and pushed back into the alley! Then I saw this moose in the door!"

"A door moose?" Sandra exclaimed.

"Yeah. And the foxes were standin' in the alley, pantin' and watchin' to see what the moose was gonna do.

"So I said to him, guy, those two foxes are after me, lemmee in! But he said too bad, nobody's allowed back stage but dancers. So I told him I'm a dancer..."

"But you can't dance!"

"Hah!" said Rob, sitting up straight for the first time. "Haven't I ever told you my folks made me take five years of tap dancin'? I don't like to brag, but I can even do some of Fred Astair's moves! Not that it mattered, I was just gonna sneak into the audience and get out the front anyway.

"But the moose had other ideas. He looked me up 'n down and said okay, but if I'm not a dancer he's gonna feed me to them foxes himself. Then he grabbed my arm and took me inside. I glanced at the foxes. I figured they'd be mad that I got away. Only they weren't. They were so far from mad, I couldn't even see what mood they were in. That shoulda been my first clue what I got myself into..."

"Rob, what did you get yourself into?"

For a moment, Rob looked back at his wife with a stunned expression. Then he bared his front teeth.

"You asked why I'm never gonna talk to Bruce again!" he growled. "Lemmee finish, will ya?

"So... Where was I? ...the moose, he took me to this otter guy, called him the stage manager. He was dressed kinda funny, but I guessed it was for the stage. It shoulda been my second clue.

"Anyway, the moose told him I said I was a dancer. The otter was all over himself 'cause one of his dancers was out sick and he had no one to take his place. He was over the top about it, but wha'd'ya expect, he was an otter. So he took me to this dressing room, handed me a cowboy costume and told me to get ready, I was on next! It was a weird costume, how it went together, took a minute to figure out. But I got it on and the otter pushed me on stage. Well!"

Rob got up, smiling. He put a foot on the chair and started moving with it.

"You shoulda seen me dancin'!" he said. "The otter put on some kinda house techno, not what I was used to, but you could dance to it. I was a little stiff 'cause I didn't get to warm up, but it all came back to me! Man, I was all over the stage, givin' 'em my best moves! Look!"

Rob started dancing around the kitchen. Sandra watched as he performed for her, amazed. Her husband was quite an accomplished dancer. He ended with a little bow; she stood and applauded.

"Rob, I never knew!"

"Well, I never liked those lessons, so I don't talk about it much. But yeah, I'm not bad..."

"You're terrific! The crowd must've gone wild!"

"But they didn't! All I got was some scattered applause. So I started off-stage, but there was the stage manager, wavin' me back on. And he hooked his thumb in his pants and started pushin' on 'em, like he wanted me to take 'em off! Then I had another look at the stage. That's when I realized what the pole was for."

Sandra burst out laughing. "It was a strip club?" she gasped.

"And I took another look at the audience. They were almost all guys and the few girls might've..."

"A gay strip club?" Sandra gasped between guffaws.

"Christ's antlers, girl! I got more sympathy from Bruce!

"So I went to get off the stage, 'cause no way was I gonna strip! But there was the moose, standin' behind the otter, givin' me a dirty look. And he just pointed at the pole..." Rob shuddered.

"What did you do?"

Rob glared at Sandra. "Funny you should ask," he replied. "That's just what Bruce said."

"Well what did you tell Bruce?"

"I told him I'm here, ain't I? I'm talkin' to you, not gettin' squeezed through some fox's guts, ain't I?" Rob reached for a drink on the table. He was startled to find that it wasn't there and gave his kitchen table a disappointed frown. "I did what I had to do."

"Aw, I bet you were cute up there with your lil' everything hanging out."

Rob's ears flushed red. He opened his mouth, but Sandra put a finger to his lips.

"Baby, I'm your wife! I married your lil' everything, remember? I wish you'd strip for me some time..."

"Can I finish my story?"

"I'm sorry baby. Go on."

"Okay, so I was up on stage in front of all these... gay guys... Will you quit giggling? I thought it couldn't get any worse. But then who came in the front door but a pair of foxes. Same two foxes who were huntin' me. And they were watching me... do it, up there on stage. They couldn't get me while I was dancing, that's all I knew.

"Well first they gave some money to a waiter. Then the otter came and they gave him some money. Then the moose came and they gave him some money. Then the music stopped and the moose waved me to go back stage. So finally I got off the stage!

"The moose said the foxes had a deal for me. They were still hungry and they were going to hunt me 'til they caught me. And before they ate me, they were gonna rape me! But if I let them... If I didn't try to stop them... If back stage, right now... The moose said they'd let me go free after they... I begged the moose to let me go! I even offered him two hundred eighty five bucks! But he..."

"Wait! You what? Where did you get that kind of money?"

Rob blushed at the ears. "Strip club," he said. "Anyway, the moose said he'd already took money from the foxes and a deal's a deal."

Sandra snorted. "He treats being coruptable with a lot of integrity," she sneered.

"Yeah. So I let him lead me to this room in the back and..." He sighed. "...there were the foxes, waiting..."

Rob stared at the floor. Sandra stared at Rob.

"I see," she said.

"Yeah, that's what Bruce said. He sat there sippin' a beer and said he saw. Then that dirty, little piss asked me... four little words... I'll never forgive him for it!" Rob's ears sank to his shoulders, pulled tight against his head. Once again, he reached for a drink that wasn't there. He folded his arms down on the table and lay his head in them. "I'm here, ain't I?" he muttered.

"What did he ask you?"

" Wha'd'ya think?"

"He didn't ask you what happened; that's obvious. Anyway, you wouldn't cut him off forever over a stupid question. So what did he ask you?"

Rob shuddered. He lay still. A minute passed. Sandra patted his shoulder.

"What was it like?" he growled, at last.

"Bruce asked you what... what sex with two guys who wanted to eat you was like?"

Rob barely nodded; his ears flopped a bit or it wouldn't have shown. Sandra took his wrists in her hands and gently rubbed them. Rob didn't even twitch.

"He wanted to know what gay sex was like. I dumped my beer on his head and I hope I never see him again.

"Rob," said Sandra, "what was it like?"

Rob's head rose from his arms; his expression was incredulous. He tried to pull his hands away from Sandra's, but she held his wrists tight. He twisted and struggled, he hissed at her, but she kept still and grimly held his wrists. At last, Rob gasped; he stopped struggling and gave a sob instead. He buried his face in his hands and wept, shivering all over. Sandra let go of one wrist and stroked his ears.

"Rob?" she cooed. "What was it like?"

"It was so good!" Rob whimpered. "They held my wrists and took turns and they were inside, pushing me and... it felt so good inside! I came and came and..." He looked up frantically. "Sandra, oh God, what am I?"

Copyright © 2013 Allan D. Burrows, All Rights Reserved.