Blind Winter
#27 of Fae's Christmas Music-Themed Special!
Heya, furballs! Welcome to Fae's Christmas Music-Themed Special 2013! Five stories are here to tease you through the Christmas period. From today on the 21st to the 25th, you'll get a series of short stories all focused around a particular song's title or lyrics. In a break from tradition, this year nearly all the stories also contain elements drawn from previous years! And of course, the story for the 25thwill continue the tale of Lucas and Taylor from Luka and Insensitive in previous years.
Don't forget to keep an eye on my Twitter (@FaoraMeridian) if you want to know what's going up ahead of time, or if you want to be alerted to other stories or otherwise just hear me ramble on about random things!
For now though, do enjoy Blind Winter; the first story of Fae's Christmas Music-Themed Special 2013!
-Ol' Saint Fae
Blind Winter
I was gonna just be used.
I knew what it was gonna be, but I don't have a choice now, do I? God damn it all. Fucking mom, going through my stuff. Fucking dad, telling me I was 'wrong' for being what I am. Well, you know what, guys? You'll be damn proud of your son now, won't you?
Maybe if they'd not just thrown me out for being into guys I might have been able to explain. Maybe I'd have gotten through to you. Maybe - just maybe - you might have given me a chance to be something. You hoped for a doctor. Surprise! You got a fag.
No. No, don't give them the satisfaction. I'm not staring at the back alley of the biggest gay club in town because I wanna satisfy their bigoted, disowning asses. No, I'm here to get fucked and, if I'm lucky, actually get a little money out of it.
Six months on the street and this is where I am now. Shit. Wonder if the parents recognized me when they passed me by on the street half a week ago. Wonder if they'd give a fuck if-
No. Shut up, Jake. They did this, and you gotta live with it. Just a hell of a shame you're an awful beggar, isn't it? Huh? Or maybe it's the fuckwits in this big-ass town. So much money and none of it's yours.
Well, who'll blame them, huh? I wouldn't have given a cent if I could help it back when I had anything to offer. Just feel awkward and guilty and walk right on by. Just like everyone else. Just like all the other fuckwits. You don't really know what nothing is until you've got nothing. What's that? You got a shit job? Fuck you. I live in a box, and I don't mean some studio apartment.
Watch says it's getting toward three in the morning. Friday night. There's bound to be some guys in there that didn't get to go home with a prime piece of tail. Maybe some desperate fat fuck'll be willing to throw me a bone. Or his bone, and pay for it. Six months on the street and begging's not cutting it. Gotta get cash, and there's one sure-fire job that'll always get it. Always has.
And so I wait. I wait and I fucking hope to whatever powers there are that might look kindly on some little fucker like me that some pent up asshole's gonna wanna fuck me for a pocketful of change.
Oh, I don't have to, that little voice in the back of my head tells me. That's what you're saying, right? "Don't be a whore, Jake!" Yeah, well living on scraps in tattered rags has gotten old. I'd like something a little nicer to help take my mind off the fact that I'm at the bottom of the civilized world's fucking food chain. Food that's warm. Food that might fill me up for a little longer. Maybe something warm for the cold nights coming. Kindness of strangers is all well and good, but you can't always cash in kindness. Sympathy don't pay out well, neither. You got needs, and only one guy's gonna take care of them: your-fucking-self.
Wh... shit. Didn't even notice that three came and went. Fuck. Fuck! And no one's coming around into the fucking alley. There's always the occasional sloshed fuck who comes out back looking to take a piss. There's always one... right? And while his dick's out, I could make it work for me.
But there's fucking no one. The thumping of the music is gone. There's just the sound of a city late at night now. Shit. I slept the whole day so I could be up long enough to try to be a fucksleeve for some random guy at a club and this is what I get? Fuck all. Sounds about right, I guess.
But I'll wait a bit longer because fuck it all, I've got nothing but time. I'll wait. I'll fucking wait and hope that some horny shit with more dollars than sense will try and give me a pounding. I can still get lucky. I might still get a couple bucks out of this.
Wait, who's... oh. Thanks, god. Let's just put irony on the table for Jake, see how it fucking plays. Two fucking deer out the back door of the club. That one looks like security... heh; nice rack, fucker. Built like a brick shithouse for sure. His buddy's not bad, though. Must be one of the bartenders by the look of what he's wearing. If I weren't trying to be a whore, I might think he was hot.
Shit, did they see me? Back a little further into my corner; that's right. Good thing I'm so dirtied up; white fur's not good to hide in. Maybe if they-
"Hey, you alright?"
Fuck.
So they did see me. What do I do, play dumb or make a pass at one of _them?_Shit. Shitshitshit. C'mon, Jake. Do something. Say something! "... no." Smooth, dumbass.
And now they're coming over. Stand up, back into the corner. They won't go after a leopard in a corner, will they? Claws out, kitty. "No... no, I'm alright. I'm fine."
"You don't look it, cat." Damn, brick shithouse has a deep voice. And they're still coming over. Shitfuckshitfuckfuckshitshitshit. "Geez, bro. What fucked you up?"
"Life fucked him up." Yeah, barkeep; life did that. Least they're looking at the claws and not coming any closer. That's it, stay back.
C'mon, Jake. Say something. Offer your ass or offer to leave. Put up or shut up. "I... sorry. I'll go."
Nice work. Really fucking stellar.
What? The fuck is the bouncer doing? Yeah, your hand's empty; put some cash in it and try again. "Come inside, cat. We'll get you warmed up." Wait, what? What the fuck just happened?
Hey, who fucking cares? I might get fed and put up somewhere warm for the night. What's the worst that could happen; they rape me? I was looking to get fucked for the chance to get something warm and edible anyway. Strong hand on that deer, too. Gripping the fuck out of my paw. Now quick, say something. And no more fucking stuttering. "Sure."
Well, this is a bit more nice than I expected. They're gentle. Surprisingly fucking gentle. Guess it's not so bad, this whole situation. Could have ended up with something more like... well, what I'd actually come here for.
Still, they're not getting nothing for their trouble. You don't get to sit me down at the bar and bring me food and water without me giving you something back. I might be out on my ass and broke as hell, but I've still got a little pride, thank you. Looks like the barkeep's gone back for that. Looks like I'm left with the brick.
He's just watching me. Dunno what you're hoping to see, buddy. What, you never seen a mangy snow leopard without a home before? Oh, I know; we cats are so proud, so regal and so very fastidious. We don't let ourselves get this dirty; it's so beneath us! Well, take a good look. Gawk all you fucking-well like.
"How long you been out there?" he asks. Whatcha mean? Behind the club waiting and hoping for someone to fuck me and throw me a little cash? Just all fucking night. On the street? None of your fucking business. I figure a little silence will put him off.
And maybe it did, but only for a couple of moments. Then there he is on the stool next to me, and all of a sudden he's just staring at me. Still looking for something? "What's your name?"
You don't fucking care. What, you want to make me a person instead of a statistic? You wanna get to know the real fucking me? Fuck you. Fuck you hard. You would have just gone on with your happy little fucking life if you hadn't found me. Or do you bring all the stray cats home?
Look at him. Now he looks worried. Aww, what? You think I'm gonna snap, claw your eyes out and steal your wallet? Big guy like you? Sure, if I was looking to get my muzzle bashed in. Still... hmm. We're alone. Barkeep's gone for hot food and left us here. Maybe...
Okay, so he doesn't like the paw on his knee. Fair enough. Oh, look at that; now he thinks I've been spooked. "No, you... you don't have to do that," he tells me, like I don't fucking know. No shit, Sherlock. I don't have to hike my tail for you. Never said I was gonna, either. All it was was a fucking paw. Just a stroke at your knee. You really wanna argue over that? Let's try again. Slower. Slower. That's it.
Alright, good. He's not shoving me away. Progress. Looks nervous, though. Keeps an eye out for the bartender. What, you afraid of being caught? Shit, you _do_want something! I've got a chance here!
Drag the paw up slowly... no, he's still not fighting. Look up, cat; dammit! Yeah, there we go; eye contact. He's watching me now. Wants to make sure I'm not feeling forced, I guess. Just a little, but it's not you doing it, bouncer-dude. This is all me, and all for my own benefit.
Okay, there's the line. He doesn't want me pulling the zipper down. "You shouldn't do that," he tells me, and I'm gonna have to try hard not to laugh if he keeps this shit up. Oh, go on, you. Tell me at length about how doing this is wrong, and see if you can keep yourself from boning up while you do it.
Let's pull on the zipper again... keep the eye contact... good. Good, he's letting it happen. That's right, you big deer. You just sit there on the stool and let karma take care of you. Whatever justification you need. This isn't just about trying to use sex for money anymore; I've got a better idea. I'll ride this guy's dick every day, dry as the Sahara, if I get to move out of the box and maybe stay near this club. It's warmer in here if nothing else, and-
Shit. I take that back. You are big. Look at that bulge; fuck! Swear to god, I'd be hard as a rock right now at the thought of taking you if I wasn't looking to do it for survival. Another time and a place and you bet your fluffy little tail I'd be making a pass at you. Damn, it's warm. Maybe my hands are just cold... heh, there's the shudder from him.
He's mine now. I know I've got him. It won't take much at this point to seal the deal, but I still need to get his dick out so I can finish this. Shit. He's starting to look nervous again. Can't get the pants down fast enough. Can't get his dick out fast enough. Gotta say something... something... ah! "Jake. I'm... I'm Jake."
And... fuck, it worked! Look at that. Less nervous. Yeah, hey there. I'm a person, actual and whole. I know what I'm doing and I'm doing it because I want to! See? Now quick, get those pants open before he can change his mind. Can see him trying to figure out what to say back to me. How about your name, or can't you manage that? Ah, be fair, Jake; you couldn't either.
There we... heh, no underwear. What, you looking to pick up one of the twinky shits that come here? Well, you got me now, so forget them. Head down and hot damn this guy smells good. Different time, different place and this might be fun. Still gonna ride your cock for a place to sleep and maybe some money and food on the side. This is business for me, not pleasure. Don't get carried away, Jake. Just give him a lick.
Heh, he was gonna say something, but sounds like that moan stopped him. Just a quiet little thing, but I guess warm tongue on hard cock tip is good for that. He doesn't wanna get caught, it seems. Don't know why; I'll take the bartender too afterward if he wants. At least I'll be lubed up then, if I can get my bouncer to blow under my tail.
Shit, he might just want my muzzle. He's not the thickest I've seen but he's got that length to make it interesting. "Wh... what do you want?" he says. What do I want? Fuck. Payment, this early? C'mon, dude; I've got a dick to suck right now. Can't it fucking wait?
Guess not... hey, not so rough with the ears; I'm up! Geez! Uh oh... he almost looks mad now. "We just wanted to help," he tells me, and you know what, brick? I believe you. I think you did just wanna help. But you know what? You want me to blow you now, too. Still, you're being honest with me. I'll respect that.
He's still waiting on an answer, though. Can't help breathing in his musk right now. Why couldn't he have lifted me a little fucking higher so I didn't have his cock right there, teasing me? Asshole. Well... the nicest kind, I guess. "I just... want to get out of the cold," I try. He doesn't look convinced. Try again. "I... begging isn't working. I gotta do something to get by, and-"
"And you think sucking dick's gonna make it better?" he interrupts me with, like I don't fucking hear the contempt in his voice. You don't like me whoring myself out for cheap, but I don't see your cock getting any softer. Some of my respect for him's gone now. Hypocritical asshole. One of the worse kinds now.
Guess I gotta justify myself. Keep calm now, Jake. "Unless you're offering me a job that ain't blow, not sure I'm gonna be able to get a real job right now." Oh yeah, great job staying calm, cat. Fuck me. Try again. "It's... it's the oldest profession, they say. Everyone wants sex. It's about all I got left. And... well, I didn't think you'd finish in my mouth, anyway. I'm no virgin, but... never had to do it for this before."
There's his attention again. Oh, look at those eyes light up like it's fucking Christmas. Look at his cock just fucking throb. He wants it too, no matter what he's fucking telling me. "That's why you're here tonight." Wait, was that a question or a statement?
Let's treat it like a question. Don't wanna assume he's telling me I'm staying until he's satisfied. "Figured I'd find some lonely guy on the way out... maybe he'd be horned up or something, and I could give him a quick ride for a few bucks. I don't wanna take charity. If I'm getting something, I wanna earn it."
Maybe he respects that. Maybe he doesn't. Looks like he can't tell if he wants to look at his cock or my face. I know which one looks better and which one I'd rather see, but hey, we're negotiating services here, fuckface. "When'd you last clean yourself up?" Excuse me? Where the fuck do you get off asking that?
I live on the street you asshole! I don't exactly shower regularly, if that's what you're getting at. I don't shit and piss on myself as a general rule, but if my smell is bothering you then you can just toss me back out into the fucking alleyway you found me in. I don't have to be insulted while I'm trying to suck a load out of your cock!
Oh good! Good, you can see how angry that question made me. Now come on, apologize. I fucking dare you. Give me an excuse to say something. Give me something. C'mon. I fucking double dare you, asshole. I... uh.
I didn't expect you to give me a mouthful of cock, but I don't think I can complain. Or... well, say anything for that matter. Quick look up... yeah, he's feeling guilty and conflicted and horny. All there on his face. Well, good. You don't know what you're thinking or doing, but you know you're horny and I wanna service your cock, so you went on instinct. And that's got me teasing down your cock with my tongue. Fine by me.
Not much pre, but that's okay. I wasn't expecting anything. Might have taken me a second to get going, but now that I'm down here with a full mouth I don't think I can give you a chance to get out of this again. The hornier you get the more I can get out of you, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna wanna risk too much right now. I'll settle for swallowing your load if you don't wanna bend me over. I just gotta make sure you pay up afterward.
Damned if he's not one of the tastiest guys I've blown, though. Not that there's been all that many really, but hey, I was told I was a natural. The way he's moaning makes it seem like that's all true. They're just little whines through pants for breath, but it's still more than a little gratifying. Well... too gratifying. Don't worry, little buddy; I'll jerk you off later. You're not gonna get any fun with this guy. He doesn't seem like the reach-around type.
He's a fucker, though. Didn't take much to get his hips humping, did it? Huh? You a bit pent up? Fine by me. It's really no trouble to take him the way he's going. One paw at the bottom of his cock, giving it a nice squeeze every now and then. Other goes to his stomach, keeping him pushed back just far enough that I can keep slurping away. Oh! Oh, he _likes_the slurping sound. Dirty old deer. Let's try a moan.
Okay... okay, moaning and slurping is a good way to get me gagged on his dick. Right. That's good to know. Slow tease of the tongue back along his underside. Curl it around to the left... shit, this guy knows how to get his dick sucked. This thing's just all taste and musk and I fucking hate that it's this good. I'm gonna have to jerk myself off after this is all done at this rate. Or not; I might still have to work over the bartender. Maybe he'll serve me a drink too.
I don't know if the bouncer's gonna blow fast or slow, but... shit, does it even matter anymore? He's just using my face now, just like I'm just using him. He's just getting more than more eager to blow his load in my mouth and I'm just happy to be out of the cold. Is it bad that I'm kinda getting off on this? Not the being used part... I think. No, it's probably not. Not even the servicing part. Just that... damn, he just smells and tastes so fucking male. It's good. Great.
Ah, there's some pre. Good. Good. Don't swallow it just yet, Jake. Just slather it all over his cock... that's right. Just work it along him while he humps your muzzle. Press your lips down, rake it all back... yeah. Yeah, he likes that. Oh! Oooh, he really likes getting his balls squeezed. Nice and gentle, that's it... and there's more pre. Shit, he really likes it. Did his dick just get harder? Is that even fucking possible? ... does it matter and do I care?
Business. Business first. It's harder to focus on than I want. I want the warmth, and I want the food. I want the rest and I want the comfort and I want a roof over my head for a moment, sure... but god damn do I just wanna suck this dick for a while. How lucky did I get? I could have just gotten some drunk asshole who'd pop and go and leave me a couple bucks for my trouble... but instead, I get_this_.
Well, no shame, Jake. Fuck it. You're enjoying this way more than you should do, and maybe it'd do you some good to show it. Let the deer know you're into it, not just for the money. Shit, feels good to get my cock out. Air's a little cooler and I'm drooling pre all over the floor, but that's fine. The deer's drooling it all over my tongue.
A little glance up for a moment and... yeah, now he's seen me pawing myself off while I suck on him. What a grunt, and damn that's a spurt and a half of pre. You naughty shit; you're getting off on me getting off on this! I don't see any guilt anymore. That's just a want to fuck now. I wonder if my face looks like that. Probably close. Feels like I'm smiling around his cock.
Shit. Am I a whore or a slut?
Does it really matter right now?
Not like I have anything, anyway. If I can get some cash and survive like this, it might not be so bad. They're not all gonna be this good, I bet; this deer's just humping nice and slow. He's not choking me and he's not pushing me too hard. He's just sliding himself between my lips and fucking hell that's just nice. Six months on the street's also been six months with only my paws for company, and... well, it'd be almost worth it even if I don't get paid for this.
Shit, shit. He's getting close. It's gonna be a big load, I can tell...and fuck it all, I guess I want it. Gonna have to drink it all down; there's no way in hell I'm gonna be able to clean it out of my fur if I miss a drop. Just a little more, Jake. Just a little more. Tease the tongue up over his tip, slurp noisily down along the shaft, throat the head and bob back again, a little twist-
There's the grunt again shitlet go of the ears! Couple more humps and... ah! Ah, there he goes! Fuck! Fuck! That's... holy shit, I forgot how much I enjoyed this! God, keep cumming, you magnificent fucker. Just keep cumming. Feels like some's leaking out of my mouth, but I don't fucking care. Give me more. C'mon!
Wha... shit, that's right. Cum runs out. Dammit. Can still feel his cock twitching on my tongue, though... that's something. I... wait, shit. Did I cum too? Holy fuck, I didn't even notice. No wonder it felt so good drinking him down; the bar's gonna have a new stain in a little while. Shit. I didn't think I'd actually get myself off with him. I didn't even think I'd be getting off. Damn.
Oh, there's his guilt again. Uh oh. Well... hmm. Yeah, licking my paw a little cleaner seems to make him feel better about the whole thing. That's good. Just a shame I had to let go of his dick to do it. Heh, look at it go. Right back into his sheath... that's faster than I've ever seen. Hmm. He still looks guilty. What to say... "You... that was good. That was _real_good."
Seems like that was the right thing to say. He's even smiling a little now, when he's not panting so hard he's straining his face. What, you were _that_puffed? Am I that good? "Got a good muzzle on you, cat," he tells me, and I can't help the pride I feel. Why the fuck shouldn't I be proud? "That was... you dunno how bad I needed something like that."
Well, that makes me feel a little better about whoring myself out, even if I hadn't thought I would enjoy it as much as I did. Floor's pretty comfy, too... maybe that's cause it's warm and the box isn't. Shit... the box. If we don't sort out an arrangement soon, I'm gonna have to go back to the box. I don't wanna go back to the box. Fuck the box. "So, uh..."
"You're not goin' anywhere," he tells me, and I hope he didn't hear my sigh of relief. Shit, that's good news. "You can stay here tonight... I reckon' Ricky's gonna be okay with that. Especially if you get your muzzle around his cock, too." Well, if he's half as enjoyable as you, you guys can take turns with me until the sun comes up.
Maybe he misinterpreted something in my body language, because he lifted his paws immediately. "We weren't lookin' to fuck you, you know," he tells me, and it's almost adorable again. Aww, you weren't looking for a homeless whore to stick your dick in, but I was just too good to pass up! "We would have helped anyway."
"I had to do something," I tell him, and it doesn't look to make him feel much better. "And I'd do it for him, too... and you again. You again for free." There's a bit of pride on his face now, too. Who doesn't like being told that they're a good fuck?
Wait, what's he doing? I don't know where the pen came from, but he's turned back to the bar. What's he writing on the napkin? Can't see from here; his arm's too beefy. Wait... why are you giving me an address? "What's this?"
He looks uncomfy now. "Look, I dunno how long we can keep you around here... even if you're, ah... paying your way. I gotta get home sometime, and so does Ricky. Can't just leave you here." Yeah, I know. I wasn't gonna ask for a key. "But if you can't find anything and you... you really wanna go into that line of work, I hear a couple of guys talk about this place. Real quiet. Maybe if you were out there, you could... you know..."
Convince a few of them to part with cash in exchange for spreading my hole open? Huh. What is this, some kinda cruising spot? Don't know if I'll get much business there, but it's better than nothing. Horny guys don't think straight. Maybe I can use that to milk more than just their cum out. "Thanks... maybe I'll head down there."
He just nods and stands up. Where do you think you're going? "Just stay here for now... I'm gonna get some stuff to clean us up. Ricky should be back with some food soon, don't worry." Why are you waiting, then? Go on; I'm not gonna steal anything. "Are you still gonna be here when I get back?"
Uh... yeah? I'm not a one-night-stand. I'm not one of your club's twinky shits looking to pick up a daddy for the evening. Outside's just my fucking box. It's warm here, so I ain't moving until you tell me to. "I promise I won't go anywhere." I mean it. I'll be right here.
Seems to satisfy him, at least. I figure I'll do what he says. The less trouble I can get into, the better. If I can keep these two happy, maybe we can come to a more permanent arrangement. It'd be nice to reliably sleep somewhere. Might not get much money, but you use that shit to pay for a roof, heat and food anyway, so... maybe not such a bad thing.
Doesn't much matter to me. I'm stuck out of a home for now. Managed to take a little pleasure from that deer's cock, and got somewhere to be warm for the moment. I'll take what I can get.
Don't really care if I'm being used. At least I'm not out in the box.
Listen to Blind Winter by Missy Higgins with this Grooveshark link!
Blind Winter lyrics
It was a blind winter when she headed off,
Written on her head was, "Failure to conform."
She had her left hand upon a stick but she'd had enough,
So she threw away her one way home.
She said,
"I'm just another girl who wants to know,
Just where you think it's written down,
This way we have to go."
She said,
"I'm just another girl who wants to know,
Just where you think it's written down,
This way that we should go."
It was a black winter night as she stumbled on,
And with every step grew closer to the ground.
She knew her one chance of living on was to strip away,
All the colours that were casting her astray.
She said,
"I'm just another girl who wants to know,
Just where you think it's written down,
This way that we shoud go."
She said,
"I'm just another girl who wants to know,
Just where you think it's written down,
This way that we should go."
So with a fever of forty-three she surrendered there,
Ready for the world to take her as their own.
But as she lay there the people stared as they carried on.
Feeling terrified of her stripped to the bone.
She said,
"I'm just another girl who wants to know,
Just where you think it's written down,
This way that we should go."
She said,
"I'm just another girl who wants to know,
Just where you think it's written down,
This way that we should go."