FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"Alright, this is it," Nester said to himself as he cracked his knuckles. "I'm going to concentrate and nothing is going to stop me."

Cracking open a Red Bull, the orange fox in his late twenties swished his tail about and eagerly got himself excited to get plenty of writing done. With plenty of energy drinks, snacks and the day off work due to heavy snowfall, he was ready to finally get back to his passion.

"Okay Nester. You got this." His mind was racing, his heart pumping, but his fingers refused to move. "Um...maybe some music."

The fox opened his media player and began mindlessly searching through tracks. "Um, this one. No, that's much better. Hmm, too fast. Too, deep. Too distracting, ugh!" With twenty thousand tracks to choose from, it was inevitable the fox should spend the next twenty minutes staring at and sifting through albums.

"Ugh! Focus Nester!"

Vagr had warned him about the Red Bull. Caffeine never worked the way it was supposed to with the hyperactive boy, but he refused to admit his shortcomings and could not deny his love for the drink no matter how much it fueled his ADD, and put him to sleep afterwards.

An hour later, Nester was awoken from his nap by music from Sonic the Hedgehog. He grumbled realizing he'd passed out, and frowned as he picked up the phone and saw the time. At least it was Vagr calling him. That'd cheer him up.

"Hey," Nester sighed as he picked up the line. "What's up?"

"Hey!" replied the tiger on the other end. "How's my little fox today?"

"Shitty. I can't think of anything to write."

"Aww, poor little fox. Don't try to force it. Have you looked for open job listings yet?"

"Ye...I mean no." The fox almost lied, but knew better than that. "I will later. Just groggy and bleh right now."

"You really should look for jobs. This temp job isn't going to last forever and you'll need to make more money if you're going to move out of that room you're in."

The room was small, leaving just enough for his bed, a few small pieces of furniture and his desk. It didn't help that he was lazy about putting things away; leaving half of the room to be covered in clothes both clean and dirty.

"I know. I hate this place so much," he groaned. "The raccoon in the floor was keeping me up again last night."

"There's a raccoon guy living there now?" Vagr chuckled.

"No!" Nester laughed back into the phone. "It's a feral raccoon. I'm naming it James Franco."

"Is James Franco a raccoon?" Vagr teased.

"Ugh."

"Look for jobs!" the tiger commanded.

"Are you coming over tonight?"

"I'm sorry, I can't," the tiger whimpered softly. "The roads are terrible and I have a lot to do today."

"Fine," the fox huffed. "But you better come over tomorrow."

"No promises."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Look for jobs."

Nester hung up the phone and tossed it onto the bed with a sigh. A text would buzz on the screen, "I love you my little fox boy. Look for jobs!"

The fox quickly texted back and then turned back to his computer. He bit his lip and ran a hand through the soft, orange hair between his tall black ears. He could feel how messed up it was from the nap, but tried to push the desire to fix it from his mind. He had nowhere to go anyway and apparently wouldn't be seeing anyone either from the sound of it.

With Scissor Sisters playing through his speakers, the fox returned to the blank document in front of him which simply read, "Jamie and Vincent returned to school the next morning."

The fox took a moment to think about the line, then the characters and eventually expanded his thoughts to the entire story.

It had been a long two years since he first started on the project as a way to escape and release his ideas; creative therapy to help him get through a hard time.

The hardest days of his life by far had led him down a dark path. A loveless relationship filled with abuse and pain. Just sitting there thinking about it had the fox's eyes glazing over with tears. The lies and deceit he'd used to stay alive and keep his passions hidden. The fights and scars on his body.

The attempts at suicide.

As he read over his old pieces, his mind would read between the lines and see where the thoughts were really coming from. Places he wanted to go and things his heart ached for. He'd modeled so many characters off himself, different versions of the same man either an aspect of his personality or something he wanted to be.

Nester took a deep breath and thought about where he was now. The amazing friends that had practically saved his life, the wonderful man who'd picked him up and brushed him off.

He clutched his big tail to his chest and rested his chin upon it as his mind wandered further. He'd been doing this regularly ever since that night he'd left her. Weighing the good and bad times, questioning himself for leaving her. His friends would think of this as Stockholm Syndrome, but would never say it to his face.

The phone pinged and in a flash Nester was back to the real world. His tail flicking about as he looked at his phone, a loving message from his boyfriend. The fox smiled and swished his tail a little more as he replied, thoughts of cuddling with his tiger sending happy shivers down his spine.

His life was so much better now. Sure, it was harder living on his own, and expensive too, but his new life meant he was free and his loving friends would remind him of that daily.

"Enough of that," he told himself. "It's been like what, a year? I need to start something new."

He was right. The marks and bruises had faded a long time ago. It was time to move on with his life, and his writing. The fox deleted the line and tried to start something new. He'd been told his writing was a bit too melodramatic and the fox felt he was ready to change that.

He cracked open another Red Bull, gulped it down and promptly passed out.