Chapter XXII: Clean slate
"Time will tell, little one. Don't let that bother you for now, okay?" Jennifer tried to comfort her charge.
"It doesn't work like that. I can't tell myself to not think of something."
"You'll be okay, Aran. I'm here for you."
She ruffled his headfur.
"I think my puppy could use a bath, don't you think?"
Her suggestion reminded the wolf of his wet diaper.
"Dunno. I um... I could use a change, though."
"Bath time it is!" Jennifer announced cheerfully, urging her charge to get up from the mattress. "You'll have to leave Damian here, though. Plushies can't swim, you know."
Aran did as she suggested and followed his caregiver into the bathroom. He wanted to take of his sleeper, but the mittens proved to be rather counterproductive when he tried to get a hold of the zipper. Additionally, the wolf appeared to have less control of his motor skills.
'Must be a side effect of that antidote stuff' he thought.
"Let me help you, little one," the collie offered.
He let go of the zipper and allowed Jennifer to take his sleeper off, leaving him in nothing but his well-used overnight diaper.
"Looks like you really needed that, doesn't it?" his caregiver said, eyeing at Aran's crotch.
"I-I... it wasn't on purpose," he tried to defend himself.
"Of course not," Jennifer said as she turned the water tap on. "You're wearing them for a reason."
Aran shook his head.
"I mean that I can't remember doing it. D-did I, like, wet myself while I slept?"
"Maybe you did. Before you ask: no, I didn't spike your drink. Now let's get you in the tub before you get cold."
She undid the tapes of his diaper one by one, finishing with the one at the tail, then balled it up and dumped it in the diaper pail next to the changing table. With the thick garment gone, Aran cherished the freedom of being able to put his legs fully together.
With the water still running, Jennifer grabbed the wolf under his knees and armpits and lifted him into the tub. Just like the previous time, there was not much water in there yet, but the temperature was perfect.
The collie noticed that her charge was still feeling uncomfortable, so she used a method that usually worked. She said nothing, but rather hummed the tune of a nursery rhyme to prevent an awkward silence. Paying no attention to Aran's silent brooding, Jennifer turned the water tap off and started to lather her charge.
A sweet scent of spring flowers filled the bathroom, but the mind of the wolf appeared to be in a different place. The collie took advantage of Aran's absentmindedness and used a washcloth to clean the fur that covered his crotch. The wolf did not even try to resist or cover his privates.
Since her charge had already closed his eyes, Jennifer could continue without having to talk to him. He probably would not respond anyway, so it was better like that. She then used the showerhead to rinse the shampoo out of Aran's fur, during which the wolf was still as docile as a lamb.
Jennifer decided that her charge was clean again, so she pulled the plug to let the water drain. In the meantime, she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around the black wolf, hugging his shoulders for a short while.
Aran did not expect that and seemed to have lost track of whatever he was thinking of. The collie nudged him to stand up, which he did, still not saying a word. The wolf now look at her curiously, following her every move instead of gazing at nothing in particular, with a hazy look in his eyes.
Standing in the now empty bathtub, he patiently waited for Jennifer to dry him off. She tried to work quickly, so the wolf would not get cold. His tail was the last part to be dried by the towel, a task the collie carried out with more care. Tails are delicate after all.
She then invited him to step out of the bathtub one paw at a time, so she could make sure his paw pads were dry. When the collie was satisfied, she helped him climb the changing table. In contrast to his previous changes, the wolf still watched as Jennifer put him in a clean diaper.
Aran noticed that there were childish prints all over the outer cover, consisting of cartoonish stars, bones, puppy bottles and paw prints. Furthermore, there were two puppy blue stripes parallel to the leg bands. He figured that Jennifer would use all means to convey the message that he was a puppy to her.
The collie offered her hand and lead him back to his nursery, where she picked a pair of dark green shorts and a red t-shirt with a smiley print for Aran to wear. Like before, the clothes did not significantly hide the fact that wolf was wearing a diaper. On the other paw, as long as nobody else saw him, it would still be a problem, but not a big problem. Besides, even though he strongly disliked wearing diapers, the one Jennifer had just put him in was less annoying than the overnight diaper.
The print on Aran's t-shirt was in stark contrast with his actual face, which showed no trace of happiness. Something was clearly bothering him, but since he determinately kept his muzzle shut, Jennifer could only guess what was going through his mind.
"Little one, what's wrong?"
Aran did not respond.
"You think that I see you as a bad person, am I right?"
His ears drooped as he looked down.
"I'm just going to repeat myself here. You're not a bad wolf, Aran. I love you, despite anything you did wrong. And you know what comes with love?"
He looked back up in curiosity.
"I don't judge you for what you did, but rather for who you are. Now I know that you called yourself a terrible person, but I tell you that you're wrong. Deep down, you're still a good puppy. If you don't believe me, think of last night. You behaved like a polite, well-raised wolf, and I know that you weren't pretending."
Aran's ears perked up.
"Listen, I'm here for you. All I want for my puppy is that he starts believing in himself again, so he can learn to deal with his past, live in the present and become a better person to face the future."
His eyes showed a craving for something, but the wolf still did not speak up. Jennifer pulled him close and hugged him tight, giving him a lick on his forehead before letting go.
"If you're in need of comfort, don't be ashamed to come to me. I'll never judge you for such a fundamental desire," she reassured.
The collie picked up Aran's plushie from the crib and handed it to the wolf, then offered her hand to lead him downstairs.