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Toilet

"More elaborate sentient toilets you never will see!"

My guide was drunk, swaying in his modified jackboots. He smelled, to me, of rubbing alcohol, but that was because before going into the party he'd taken a moment to cool down, dousing his leathery wing-folds from a brown plastic bottle and standing in front of a fan, wings stretched out. He'd been knocking back vodka shots all night and giving me shit about wanting a tomato.

"Such a complicated monkey, and so perverted! Eating a defenseless plant sex organ when I'm sure if you asked the cows nicely enough they'd eat the rubbish for you and turn it all into blood and milk," he sniffed as I nibbled on a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich while nursing a beer. The slightly sweet alien malt I'd been drinking, like nothing else I'd ever had with the body of a stout but the look of a glass of piss-lager, had now called it's due and I had to go.

As we walked in, a canine sentient in some sort of work jumpsuit, his long tail hanging out of a hole in the back was pushing a mop. This one looked like a Golden Retriever and to my mind would have been more at home chasing Frisbees on a grassy field or something. He sniffed at what could only be a urinal, based upon the height of the thing, put his mop in the bucket, and wheeled out a service entrance so not to disturb the party of drunken ambassadors and academics. It never ceased to amaze me that a federation of aliens advanced enough to figure out rapid space travel still needed janitors. And then I remembered that I was hob-nobing with the big-wigs. Being able to hire the service classes to do the work showed status. Poor sentients had machines or did the work themselves.

The little bat-sentient shit was right, though. The facilities were amazing. There were posts, chrome and porcelain urinals adjustable in height by controls on the side. Stalls, mirrors, blue, green, UV lights. Whatever it took to make your alien bladder to relax and void. I used one of the posts, aiming for a hole cunningly designed to look like a gnarled tree knot. My friend pulled out his cock and pushed out gelatinous goo into an adjustable but more conventional-looking urinal. I'd finished and started to head over to what looked like the sinks to wash up. I felt a surprisingly hot touch on my elbow stopping me from using what looked like a wash basin as my guide steered me to the left.

"Without running water, some sentients would void in a sink," he said.

Just then we heard the door open. Whoever it was stumbled a bit and headed for one of the stalls with mirrors. My guide, his lips pursed like he was going to kiss me, a sign that I'd learned to interpret as a broad grin for his species, pulled me into the neighboring stall and adjusted the mirrors. It was the big bird himself! Another refugee, like me. His species had turned down Federation membership, but he'd chosen to stay.

The bird had impressive gray feathers and looked strong. Sort-of like the Sam the American Eagle from The Muppets, but come to life. He was bouncing slightly on his backwards knees. I'd have guessed him for drunk, the front of his throat under his beak looking distended and full. The mirrors showed him staring into a red toilet. There was an attachment on it, looking like a gaping open beak of another bird.

My guide softly coo'ed at me through his pursed lips in amusement, "He's been under a lot of stress and pent up. For him, this is sort of like you or me masturbating. You've gotta watch."

I tried to just leave but the bat stood in front of the stall door. He pointed at a mirror and when I looked, I saw the bird's crop surge out. Then I heard him cooing, "Baby bird, sweet baby bird" softly to himself, then surging three times into a yellow toilet with a bright red interior. Mocked up to look like a gigantic open beak, I realized. The old bird got sexual pleasure from feeding the gullet of a fake bird. He surged twice more, and then something more liquid came out. He stood up, and I heard the sound of running water and what sounded like a beak stropping on wood. Then the big bird sighed, like he was exhausting all the air from his hollow bones, a sound that carried with it the loneliness of fifty years of solitude.

Pipe Bear

My guide and I waited patiently in the stall until the big bird left. I wondered, briefly, if the experience counted as having sex in a public restroom with an alien. After we'd walked out of the facilities, my guide went hyper, "Come along, Green Corundum. We need drugs. Nice, tasty drugs!"

"Drugs?" I asked.

"Did I stutter, green-ruby?" And then he started to explain about drug use in the Federation. About dial out boxes and that the Med-Bears, Bartons, that kept careful track of how much people were taking.

I was dragged along in line, being sociable, but not really interested in getting blasted. The beer I'd drank earlier was enough for me, though I did miss the pipe I left back in my quarters. I remember when I was packing and the Bartons looked over my stuff. They sniffed my tobacco jar and wiggled their noses, their form of chuckling. "You're limited to a pound a month." I was told. Something like four times what I'd normally go through. The jar and my pipe rack was approved to be packed, but I wasn't told anything about being able to get more, so I'd been miserly with my indulgence since getting on the ship.

I rubbed at my growing-in beard. Part of the initiation process for becoming a cadet was complete denuding. My balls still chafed and itched like crazy if I didn't keep them dusted with talcum powder. Without the beard and hair on my head, I looked ten years younger. The beard was growing in thick and with a vengeance, though, and my hair looked like it was buzzed.

We were three back from the Bartons when I had to blink twice. What looked like a human female wandered up and bumped elbows with my guide. However, when she opened her mouth to speak, I noticed her chin bent at a funny angle.

"Hey! Cadet Green Corundum, meet Officer Pink Quartz. She's one of our spies on your world." The little bastard ooed at me. He thought it was funny to remind me that aliens had been observing my world for the past three decades, waiting patiently for us to develop enough technology to fold space.

Quartz nipped my guide on the nose familiarly, "Don't be so crude, Carbon Black, or I won't let you fuck me tonight." She showed him a little glass vial. I felt a little odd... Bats -- Ghurlz, like my guide, were marsupial and mating was a big party. The female would go into heat, and a couple dozen males would swarm over her, fighting for penetration. Two or three might be successful. A month later, the nymph would be born and crawl, blind, up the pouch trail. To the female Ghurlz, giving birth was like cumming. Most times the nymph would fall off, but about one time in 20, it'd pouch. A few months after that, the nymph would be forced out along the same path into a pouch-host. A big, cow-like creature.

Carbon Black, my guide, was small for a male. And, he'd professed to me, after the languge operations allowed me to hear his ultrasonic speech, he was a forced cross-species sex getter. Scandalous with his kind, but a humanoid female was a better fit for his measly four inch penis. The glass vial contained arousal pheromones so he'd be able to get an erection cross-species. I'd used them once as a joke in my dorm room, leaving one broken just on my desk. Carbon Black had come in, then rushed quickly into my bathroom. I thought it was funny as Hell and sprayed some disrupter on the thing to break up the scent while he pulled his yang. He was a bit embarrassed and angry when he came out, threatening revenge.

"You can find your way home, right Green Corundum?" Carbon black looked anxious. Still, who was I to deny him getting laid?

"Go ahead. I can catch the mauve-5 bus back to the dorms." And with that, the two went "bye" and I was left alone. My balls ached and I was horny. I hadn't had sex of any sort not involving just myself and my hands since shortly before moving to my cabin in Alaska. Now here I was, pushing 40, and who knows how many light years away from home, jealous of my guide for getting some.

I was next in the drug line when I decided to take a chance. "Do you have any Terran tobacco?" I asked the Barton on duty. I then noticed it was one of the Bartons who helped me pack.

"We were wondering when you'd ask about that. Yes," he said, then handed me the ID pad to palm out my drug ration. He then opened a box and slid me a tin of Frog Morton.

I pocketed the tin and left the party. The bus, like always, was free to a cadet. I felt and heard the brief click as the computer implant in my skull identified me to the central computer system. The bus was nearly full, but there was a seat left. In a Federation of thousands of species, more than a few were crepuscular and I could see that it was nearly dawn.

I stumbled into my dorm room. My bird roommate was high up on his bed, near the ceiling. I filled a pipe from my jar and walked outside, taking a seat next to some alien analog of a rose bush with bright blue blossoms during the day and lit up. I'd just settled in, watching the galactic clusters and picking out the constellations that would point back to the Sol system when a large Bear walked up to me.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked. I'd seen him around, but I still didn't know his name. But in the mood I was in, he was more than welcome. I still swallowed a bit hard as I looked up, right at his crotch, before looking up higher. He was out of uniform, going nude as many thickly furred species do.

"I'm Blue Sapphire 32. And you are?" The bear sat down and look out, to my surprise, a Terran-looking pipe of his own. I looked a bit closer and saw a white spot on the stem and started to wonder just what was being bought be disguise aliens on Earth for sale here in the Federation.

The bear settled in close to me. Close enough that I could smell him and reach out to stroke his fur. I thought back, briefly, to my friends back at home who would have loved to have been this close to him. I felt my dick get hard.

"Green Corundum," I finally said, introducing myself.

He lit up, after settling down next to me. We smoked in silence for a short while, then he looked at me, "What brings you out here. You weren't expected back at the dorm until nearly Noon. You were expected to crash at the Rector's House."

"Not expected?"

"Yeah. I'm the Residence Advisor. Second-year cadet. We keep track of you. Your sponsor is... pushy."

I grimaced. My sponsor was Carbon Black's "Mom". Still, there was an unspoken question.

"Carbon Black was dragged off for a body bribe. So I left the party rather than be there alone," I told him.

"Feeling a bit jealous?" The big bear dug a bit.

"Well... yeah, a little."

"We could arrange a female for you, if you'd like."

The bear blew smoke rings into the night air. Whatever he was smoking, it smelled a lot like tobacco.

I flushed a bit. I'd never quite explained my sexuality, and the Federation hadn't pushed. But I felt comfortable with Sapphire.

"well... I was married for a while, back at home. We'd even had a couple of kids. But my sexual tastes run to both males and females of my kind. In the end, we both agreed it was best to be friends, not partners. I moved to my cabin, and then Carbon Black crashed in my backyard."

I could have sworn the bear blushed when he looked at me, "So you want a male, then?"

I know I blushed.

"Much like my species." He continued. "Back at home, I was mated, too. We'd hired a third for impregnation, and gotten pregnant, but my mate sensed that I'd enjoyed being primed by the hired male a bit too much. And I couldn't deny it. So I came here."

"Primed?" I asked, then blurted out, "You don't have to answer that. Forgive my curiosity."

"No big deal," he said. "Males of my kind aren't fertile without absorption of

a specific hormone prior to mating. My body runs a little deficient in it, naturally. It's common enough. Normally, deficient mated males buy theirs in dietary supplement form, from an anonymous source. My mate caught me suckling off my hired source."

My dick felt heavy, imagining this big bear giving another bear a blow

job.

We smoked a while more in silence. When my pipe went out for the last time, I emptied the bowl on the grass next to me. And Sapphire did the same. He then surprised me by wrapping me in a tight, well... bear hug. I could feel his erection bumping against mine in my loose Cadet leggings. He then licked my face, before letting me go.

"Go in and get some sleep, Corundum. We'll talk tomorrow."

He walked away, to his own dorm opening, leaving me to go back to my room. The morning breeze told me that the front of my cadet uniform was wet with precum.