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The first time was... strange.

It wasn't like what we were doing was unusual. Plenty of the other guys had resorted to doing the same. I, personally, had experienced the misfortune of walking in on Reiner and Bert. Hadn't seen that one coming. It wasn't like we could actually be with any of the girls, though. The risk of getting them pregnant was too high and humanity couldn't afford losing soldiers to hormonal lapses in judgment. So, release had to be found elsewhere.

To say I was surprised when Marco suggested it would be an understatement. If any of us could stay celibate until marriage, I thought Marco would be it.

I was reluctant at first. I was saving myself for Mikasa, after all, and Marco was my best friend. It just seemed so wrong, you know? But that first day, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was so damn frustrated that I swear I could have fucked my breakfast. So I took him up on the offer.

The storage shed for all of the extra training supplies was one of the regular stops for guys or girls looking to mess around. A few of the more daring would find time in the showers or in the barracks while everyone else slept. I was not one of those daring few. At least not at first.

I knew exactly what we were about to do when Marco lead me to the storage building and I could feel my heart pounding harder with every step closer. Marco's shoulders were tense as I stared at his back. It was oddly comforting to know that he was just as nervous about this as I was.

There was no intimacy. As soon as we had closed the door behind us, Marco pushed me back against a table or the wall I can't even really remember any more. I just remember watching Marco fall to his knees and fumbling with my pants, again, surprising me with his initiative.

I'm not ashamed to say that I didn't last long. I'd never even had another person's hand down there, let alone some ones mouth. His tongue slid across my cock and I was already hard. His mouth closed around my base as my head pressed into the back of his throat and I was already close. His lips slid up my shaft as he began to suck me off and I was already over the edge.

I closed my eyes as the waves of pleasure caused me to shudder and when I opened them again, Marco was spitting into a mop bucket. He muttered some sort of apology which, of course, Marco dismissed. I swear I've still never seen him get truly angry about anything.

But then it was my turn.

Marco stood from where he knelt then sat on a table, watching me expectantly. I really wasn't sure how I was going to make myself do this. It had seemed so easy for him but all I could think about was how I had sworn to myself I would wait for Mikasa and how weird it would be to have another guys dick in my mouth, especially Marco's! But he had already done me this favor so it wasn't like I could back out now. That'd be a pretty fucked up thing to do to a guy.

So I swallowed my pride and knelt in front of him like he had in front of me. The taste of his cock was strange and foreign in my mouth and I closed my eyes tight to try and forget what I was doing. He lasted longer than me, I had realized with a small flare of embarrassment and more than a little irritation.

If the taste of his cock was strange, the taste of his spunk was fucking bizarre. I immediately reached for the bucket Marco had used, unable to get the gunk out of my mouth fast enough.

I had expected the next morning to be awkward between us, but it wasn't. We went about our day normally and talked as if nothing had happened. I wasn't on the verge of fucking my scrambled eggs though, so that was an improvement.

But of course, it was a temporary fix, and tension grew again. I was the one to cave into lust and make the first move that time. Marco agreed with little to no hesitance and we met again that night.

The meetings soon became a regular thing and, naturally, it began to take longer to get our rocks off. I found myself fantasizing while he sucked me off, Mikasa's name on my lips as I came. But it wasn't enough for Marco. After about two months of blowing each other, he asked to change things up a bit.

"I want to try something different this time," he said, staring at his feet as we stood in the dark storage room. I grunted some sort of questioning noise, indicating for him to continue. He fell silent and I had to kick his foot to snap him out of whatever train of thought he had fallen into. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"What if," he hesitated for a moment, "What if we had, like, actual sex?"

That was unexpected.

I could feel my face burning at the question and I shifted uneasily. I had been pretty content with our arrangement so far and this seemed like a bit much. It wasn't as if I was really into guys, after all. I wouldn't have even ever thought of how sex between two guys worked if it hadn't been for my accidental sighting of Reiner and Bert. This was just better way to help with these damned hormones, not an actual relationship or anything. I also wasn't too keen on the idea of having anything shoved up my ass.

"I don't know man," I said, reluctance clear in my voice. "I don't really think I could handle having anything... back there. You know?"

I could see him shaking in the small trickle of moon light that managed to make its way through the windows. "You don't have to. I mean. I'll be bottom and you can just pretend I'm someone else or something." I had never heard Marco so nervous and I had no idea he was into this sort of thing. But I still wasn't convinced.

"You sure that you won't expect me to return the favor? Because, I'm serious, I'm not going there."

He shook his head quickly, "No. No it's fine. I promise. I won't ever expect you to bottom."

I sighed and scratched my scalp nervously, "Yeah, fine, ok. Just... stay turned around ok?" I wasn't certain I could handle seeing his face as I fucked him. At least, from behind with his black hair, I could maybe imagine he was Mikasa. He was larger and his hair was shorter but maybe it would be enough.

He nodded silently and took a small bottle from his pocket, popping off the cap before setting it to the side. From the color, I guessed it was cooking oil, and I found myself wondering how long he had been planning this.

I looked away as he began fumbling with his pants and tried to ignore the sounds of him preparing himself by playing out a fantasy in my mind. I closed my eyes as I imagined Mikasa leading me here, to the storage room, bit my lip as I imagined her pushing me up against the wall and kissing me roughly, and gripped the edge of the table I was leaning against as I imagined her falling to her knees in front of me.

I jumped as I was pulled from my thoughts by Marco's hands opening my pants. He mumbled a quiet apology while he fumbled to move the fabric out of the way and coat my cock in the slick substance from the bottle. I grimaced at the strange feeling but it quickly faded as Marco stroked me slowly. The oil changed the feeling entirely and it didn't take long to get me hard.

Once I was fully erect, Marco stepped away to bend over the table and I was thankful that he remembered my request to do it with him facing away. I stepped closer and swallowed nervously as I moved into position behind him. I pressed into him with little resistance sense we were both already slick with the oil but I still gasped at the tight feeling. It was drastically different than the feeling of his mouth and holy fuck did it feel good.

Marco whimpered beneath me and lowered his head against the table. I was worried that maybe I had gone in too fast or maybe he hadn't been ready. "You ok?" I asked. He nodded silently and moved his hips back against me, causing me to shudder. I took the motion as a request to continue and so began thrusting slowly.

Marco gasped and covered his mouth to muffle a moan. Did this really feel that good? And why was he muffling his sounds? We had never bothered to sensor ourselves before. I then realized that he was being considerate of me and trying to stay quiet so his voice wouldn't break my fantasy.

As if I could pretend he was anyone else. Even looking at him like this, it was impossible to ignore the freckles that littered his back and shoulders. And if I closed my eyes, he was still taller and more largely built than myself so it was impossible to imagine it was one of the girls beneath me. It seemed strange but I wasn't even bothered by it and I found the small sounds that managed to slip past his lips encouraging.

"You're making a lot of noise tonight," I wasn't sure why I said it. I wasn't sure why I said anything at all. It was always just an unspoken agreement that talking would make things weird. But the whimper that Marco made went straight to my groin and caused me to give a particularly rough thrust and earning another muffled moan.

"S-Sorry," he stammered. Shit when did his voice start sounding so fucking wonderful. "I'll try harder to stay quiet." Fuck that. For whatever weird, hormonal reason, I decided that was the opposite of what I wanted. It wasn't like I could tell him to not hold back though. That would be weird, right? So, instead, I gripped his hips tightly and began thrusting roughly. The loud cry of pleasure that I managed to bring out of him with that was the most satisfying thing I had ever heard.

I continued thrusting roughly, reveling in every sound I managed to drive out of him. The sounds and feel of him were quickly pushing me close to the edge. My thrusts were becoming more frantic as I neared my release and that was when I heard it; the quiet gasp of my name on Marco's lips. I had to force myself to stop and grip his hips so tight I was certain I was hurting him to keep from coming right then.

"S-sorry! Oh god I'm so sorry!" he said, resting his forehead back against the table in shame.

With some reluctance, I stepped back. He whimpered as I pulled out of him then gasped in surprise as I grabbed his legs and flipped him over onto his back. I stared down at his shocked, flustered expression. We stayed like that for a moment; him waiting for me to make the first move, me wondering what exactly I wanted to do. I found myself leaning my face closer to his slowly.

"Jean?" he asked nervously once our faces were close enough that I could feel his breath against my skin. I didn't bother answering. I pressed my lips against his in a soft, timid kiss. When I first became friends with Marco, this was in no way how I imagined us winding up and I was more than a little uncertain about it all.

Marco responded immediately, kissing back passionately and wrapping his arms around my neck. I felt the fingers of his right hand tangle in my hair and I sighed contentedly into the kiss. Slowly, I pushed myself back inside him.

"Don't hold back any sounds this time, alright?" I said before moving my lips to his neck and resuming my thrusts. He linked his ankles behind my back and his breathless moans filled the room.

"J-Jean! Oh god yes! Fuck!" that last one sent a jolt through my system and I moaned against his collar bone. That was the first time I ever heard Marco swear and holy fuck was it sexy.

It didn't take long for me to get off, gasping Marco's name as the waves of pleasure wracked my body. That was apparently enough to finish Marco as well and he was calling my name as he came.

We didn't move for what felt like an eternity, basking in the afterglow. Our even pants slowed and soon the room was silent again. We stayed quiet even as I pulled out of him and rested my head gently against his chest. When we finally did speak, we kept our voices as quiet whispers, reluctant to break the comforting silence.

"I thought you were going to pretend I was Mikasa," he mumbled, his voice light with amusement.

"Hmm?" I hummed while shifting to place a gentle kiss to his lips. "Who?" I mumbled against his lips. It was only a half joke. I had honestly forgotten all about her after he had said my name. Maybe I had forgotten before then.

Marco laughed lightly and chewed on my lower lip affectionately. "We should clean up," he said before a look of uncertainty took that joyful smile away.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"This was just a fling right? We'll just pretend this never happened tomorrow?"

I hesitated a moment before answering, "I don't know." I really didn't. I had no idea how I felt for Marco. Yeah we were close and I loved him but was it really a romantic sort of love? "Is that how you want it to be?"

Marco shook his head and covered his eyes with one arm, "I don't. I really don't." I could feel my heart breaking at the desperate tone to his voice. How long had his feelings for me been more than friendship?

"I'm just not sure right now. I'll try to figure it out. But let's just roll with this for tonight," I trailed a finger across a reddening spot on his collarbone affectionately as I spoke. He nodded, slowly removing his arm from his face.

That night we slept tangled in each other's arms.

I wish I had told him. I wish I had figured out my feelings sooner. But no. I had to make it a "graduation surprise." Now he'll never know. He'll never hear me say the words he so desperately wanted to hear. I'll never hear the words I desperately wanted to hear in response.

"I love you," I say as I place a kiss to the name carved into the handle of my gear.