FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It's been... about a week I think since I was able to write last. After I ran out of pages on my last journal, nobody was in any hurry to provide me with a new one. Today, though, they decided to not only give me a day to rest, but Ivan actually went out of his way to buy me a real journal. Of course, he had to go get the girliest one he could find, to make fun of me even further I guess... He said that the reason he got me one is because Chris thinks that me writing in my journal is "cute".

Oh well, I'm just so happy to be able to write again that even that couldn't bother me today. I've already pulled all the lacy stuff off the cover anyway. I wish I could at least do something about this god-awful pink color, but really that's the least of my problems right now. This journal is a huge deal to me, since this is the closest I can get to actively repairing my fucked up mind. It helps sort my thoughts out a little bit... like getting them down on paper gets the weight off my mind. I have some catching up to do, but there's not a whole lot to tell, this time.

Well, after they... extorted oral sex out of me, it was way more hurtful than I ever thought it would be... The past week, I've been barely conscious. In fact, the only reason I know it's been a week is that I've been told it was. Most of my nights I spent just curled up in a ball and trying my best to sleep. Sleeping is still my only break away from this hell hole and this... slut body. Of course, Ivan, Stevo, and a few other guys have kept up my routine of getting raped constantly. I think they're just trying to get me used to the sensation and get me to give in to the pleasure. And of course, they've added oral to my routine as well.

I don't know why, but them demanding blow jobs out of me hurts way worse than taking me in either of my other holes. Well, actually, I do know why... every time they do it... every time they tell me to open up and just shove their cocks in my face, I promise myself that this time I'll bite them... That this time I'll make them regret what they've been doing to me. But every single time, I chicken out, just like they know I will. Just like I did before... I guess it's because I'm scared of them. I guess I'm just a fucking coward, now, since whether I resist or not doesn't make any difference on things getting worse.

They've been teaching me how to pleasure them better, and I'm just too weary to resist them anymore. I've just started doing what they tell me.... Lick the tip, circle with me tongue, do everything I can to increase their pleasure. At this point, I might as well, since the faster I can get them to cum the sooner I can stop. The worst part is how I... I mean, this body reacts to it. The taste alone kind of tickles my pleasure center, kind of like how I used to react to chocolate. And, of course, it also makes me my body all hot and bothered, which the guys are more than happy to use against me.

I can't tell if it's something they did to me, or if Scalie girls are naturally wired like that, but it's hard to take... I'm so sensitive that it doesn't take them much effort anymore to get me to lose complete control over myself, to get me moaning and crying like a little whore... They've been teaching me how to pleasure them better with the rest of my body too, teaching me to ride them, what angles to to do... Ugh, it makes me sick, that they got me to actively participate in this. At least they haven't managed to make me beg... I follow almost all their commands, but I can at least keep from speaking up when told. The slaps to the face and ass are well worth that last little bastion of dignity that I have.

I hate to admit it, but I'm thankful that I had today to myself. The only time I saw anyone today was Ivan who was here to drop off my food. I spent part of the day trying to, well, clean myself up a little bit, but without running water I'm still a mess. I've done my best to clean out the dried cum in my hair, and from under my scales. What bothers me most is that my scales, especially the ones on my thighs, just smell like... them. And whenever I taste that smell, my body reacts accordingly.

God, I just... I feel like I'm trapped in some nightmare, trapped in some whore's body. I have no control over my own libido, a fact that my captors are quick to remind me of daily. No matter how hard I try, I can't get used to this damn body, like my mind just wipes everything it's learned about it at random. I'm just completely losing my damn mind... For Christ's sake I'm a bed wetter now! I have to remind myself of my name sometimes, for God's sake. Zack Morris. My name is Zack Morris.

God, I just want to go home. even as I am now, I just want to go home, see Jessica again. I just wish I could convince myself that things will be okay, that I'll get out of here someday... But I just don't know...

---

Torture...

Serious, cold-blooded torture. That's been my past two days. I've been Stevo's torture toy for two God damn days. It wasn't enough showing me that I have the body of a slut, but now they're driving home that... that I'm a masochist too... I'm a slutty little masochist tha

I threw up... I threw up after writing that. God I'm so ashamed. My puke was almost all cum. I haven't eaten in over a day... I don't know what to do anymore... Should I write it all down? Will it help? I might as well at this point... Maybe it'll help, maybe it'll make things worse, I don't know...

It started off as what I've, depressingly, come to accept as "normal" routine at this point. Ivan and Stevo got me on all fours, and Ivan ass raped me while Stevo forced me to give him a blowjob. They'd taken a liking to spit-roasting me, since it was a pretty humiliating position in the first place. I came just from being pounded in the ass, as usual, with Ivan behind me stroking my back as if to congratulate me on it. Eventually they both came, and Ivan decided to take his leave. He apparently had "Other things to do", leaving Stevo and me alone.

I rarely had any alone time with Stevo, but I hated any of it I had. Ivan was at least nice to me occasionally, but that bastard was nothing but cruel. After letting me lay there, leaking cum out of my ass, he grabbed my collar and hoisted me up. "Alright, lovely, the boss decided that we were going to try something new." He said, talking down to me. I had started just staring off into space while they talked to me, but that definitely got my attention. He slapped my face a few times before pushing my nose downwards towards the cum pooling under my butt. "You're making a fuckin' mess. You clean that up before I get back now." He shoved my nose into it like a bad dog before letting me go and walking out of the room.

I numbly laid there, terrified at what he was up to now. As if on autopilot, I started half-heartedly sticking my tongue out and slurping up a few drips of Ivan's spooge, still disgusted at how good it tasted... I wasn't even half done by the time Stevo came back in, which earned me a swift slap on the ass. "See, whore, this is why we're stepping up your training. We're going to learn you your proper place." He warned, yanking me up once more. I meekly looked up at him, seeing he had a duffel bag slung over one shoulder.

He dragged me over to the corner and got my wrist cuffs back on, chaining me up to the ceiling so that I was hanging with my arms over my head and my toes barely touching the ground. I whimpered instinctively as he opened up the bag and started pulling out its contents... Clamps, straps, whips, and other awful-looking toys. I teared up, I started pleading, "Oh no, no, please... please don't..." He just slapped my face again.

"What's wrong, girl? I know you've been secretly wanting this anyway, haven't you?" He asked, fondling a riding crop. I shook my head feverishly and kept begging but he just talked over me, "I've seen the face you make when we pull your tits, spank your ass..." As if to make his point he grabbed one of my nipples and twisted, hard, inciting a scream from me. "Lots of Scalie girlies are like that, and I'm willing to bet you got it bad, heheh."

He walked around behind me and lifted my tail up, bringing the crop down right on my ass. God, I think I screamed at a pitch only dogs could hear, since he kept swinging over, and over, and over again, occasionally switching sides... He ignored my squealing and just kept going, until my ass hurt worse than I could even remember it. He stopped a moment to walk back in front of me. "See? Your clit's poking out again." He observed, grinding the end of his torture tool against my cunt.

I clenched me teeth and cried, tearing up. He was right... my body was reacting to this torture like good foreplay... I looked away from him, trying to put my thoughts back together again, but I was snapped out of it when he lashed the crop against my cunt. I screamed loudly, making him do it again, and again... I had gone completely limp, just hanging from my wrists uselessly.

"God, please stop..." I choked, barely able to look up at him. He ignored me and whipped my tits this time. I screamed, begging again. He looked at me before walking back to his torture bag and fishing something out for me. What he brought over looked like a combination between a muzzle and a ball gag...

"Stop telling me to stop." He ordered, slipping it over my head and forcing the red ball between my teeth. He strapped it to my head, and I found that the strap around my jaws kept me from opening my mouth too much, while another set of straps kept the ball between my front teeth, keeping me from closing it too...

I whimpered and tried to protest, muffled by the gag. It didn't keep me quiet, but it kept me from speaking coherently, and it was already starting to make me drool uncontrollably. "I wanna hear you scream, but I don't wanna hear your lip." He told me. I started crying hard, as he picked the crop again and started the process over. I could see awful welts showing up on my breasts, and the pain was starting to drive me even further off the slippery slope of sanity that I was clinging to...

He started slapping the stinging impliment rapidly against my clit, over and over. I think I started going numb, which was a relief, bu then I... I peed myself... Stevo started laughing at me, laughing hysterically as my piss dripped down my legs and tail. He grabbed my snout and forced me to look at him, "Hahaha! Lucky slut, if I didn't go through the trouble of the gag, I'd be having you lick that up now."

The night wore on like that, and he wasn't leaving hardly any part of me untouched... once my sexual regions started going numb, he moved onto the flat of my back, the base of my tail, my belly, and the bottoms of my feet. It must've been hours... because he eventually turned in. He let me down, leaving me laying in my urine puddle, but I was just thankful for the pain to stop...

Eventually the numbness wore off, and the throbbing ache of my entire body kept me from sleeping. It felt like I was on fire... By morning time, I hadn't moved an inch, and Stevo picked me up right where he'd left me. The pain was starting to die down, but he fixed that very quickly.

After about an hour of getting flogged again, the worst part finally came... and by that I mean... I came... I came from being beaten with a riding crop. I squealed, and moaned, only needing Stevo to stick his fingers in me to finally push me over the edge. He laughed, "I knew it! You little masochist slut!" He spanked me, but I hardly felt it.

My mind just died... I died from the neck up... Not that it stopped him, from abusing me further... I only vaguely recall what was after that... I remember more whipping... him getting a cattle prod or something... but by that time I was so numbed that it hardly mattered...I remember Stevo and a few others face-fucking me and making me swallow it. Eventually, they dragged me back to my cell, once again without food, and just laid me on my bed. Ivan... he tucked me in with my blanket before leaving... That was about maybe three hours ago.

I can't sleep. I'm in so much pain and so ashamed, that I just can't... My head is fucked up way more than I had even thought. I know I've gone mad, now. Writing this, I've fingered myself twice... TWICE. Remembering the trauma, the rape... it just makes me so fucking horny I can't hardly control myself anymore. and all this while my skin feels like it's on fucking fire.

I just... can't stop thinking about how good it feels... the torture, the rape... I can't get the thoughts of dicks out of my head, thoughts of thrusting and fucking hard, getting rewarded with sprayed with cum... It's even worse knowing what they're trying to do, and they're succeeding. They're getting me hooked. Pleasure tempered by pain, and my body loves both of them.

Is it me? Or my body..? I... I don't know anymore! I can't tell... I'm crying so much now... I just want a hug... I want a hug from Jessica, of hell, fucking Ivan, now. I just want to die now. Even if I got my old body back, I don't think I could ever be normal again. Why can't they just kill me? Why can't they just let me starve in here!? I've said before, that they've turned me into some creature, and now it's more true than ever...