VI. A present for the future
As told by Nina
"You're probably wondering why I told you all this, right?"
She nodded. "I assume that you have a firm reason to tell me something this personal. Care to elaborate?"
"It's about Milo's birthday. I told you over the phone that I've got some plans, but I'd very much appreciate it if you'd help me. You see, I'd like to allow Milo to be a puppy on his birthday."
"But why do you need me for that, specifically?"
"I was hoping that you'd want to help me, so I could maybe spend a part of the time with him. Me as a puppy, I mean."
"I don't know, Nina. Ignoring the fact that this is something between you and Milo, it has been quite a while since I took care of children, let alone puppies. Plus, I'm not as young as I used to be when I had pups of my own."
"The difference here being that actual puppies need a lot more attention, and they can't help you out much. We can be grown up if you need us to. After all, it's just a form of acting. If you think you're going to be uncomfortable with it, we can just agree to be 'big', that won't be a problem."
Trisha smiled reassuringly.
"However, I really do want to give Milo something he can use during playtime," I continued.
"Like what?"
My ears drooped and I pet Natasha for a moment again. "I'd like to make a onesie for him, but I don't know how to sew. I was hoping you could teach me."
"Well, that's a bit of a problem, dear. You see, sewing is not complicated, but if you want to be sure the onesie fits him, you'll have to measure various parts of his body. You can't do that without ruining the surprise, can you? That is, I assume this is going to be a surprise?"
"Yush. After all, it's a birthday present, and puppies shouldn't know what they'll get, right?" I said with a faint smile.
The old Indian slowly wagged her tail. Despite the 'hobby' Milo and I shared, she appeared to be interested in helping me out. This was turning out a lot better than I had expected.
"So, how are we going to solve this problem?"
"We could always go with my size," I suggested. "He's only slightly taller than me, and our weight is nearly the same as well."
"Although you might want to consider some artistic freedom on the circumference of your chest and hips," she responded, after which we both laughed.
Sure, I did not take the difference between the male and female pelvis into account, but how could I have forgotten about my breasts? Regardless of size, there would always be a significant difference in chest circumference between a guy and a girl of the same height and weight.
"Can't we just guess that? It's not like the onesie has to be body-tight. On the contrary, we'll need to take in some extra space at the crotch."
She looked at me pensively for a moment.
"Y'know, for a... diaper," I said shyly.
It then slowly dawned on her.
"Sorry, dear. I have quite a hard time trying to imagine what an overgrown puppy would look like," she admitted with a confused expression.
"That's okay, I guess," I said, then I got an idea. "You know what? Maybe... would it be a good idea if I come over again later this week and bring some of my playtime stuff, so you can see it for yourself?"
"I don't know, Nina," she said. Her tone implied that she wanted to dismiss the idea.
"See it as 'practicing'," I suggested. "After all, if you want to find out if you're okay with Milo and I playing puppy on his birthday, it wouldn't hurt if the experience isn't entirely new for you, right?"
She pondered for a few seconds. "I suppose you're right."
I hugged Natasha a little tighter. "Thanks. It means a lot to me," I said quietly.
"However, I'm not promising anything, dear. If this is all too much for me, I can't help you with your birthday party. I hope that's not a problem for you?"
"Well, ideally, I'd like Milo to play puppy on his birthday. I think that'll help him a great deal to think of the people he has instead of the people he lost. If you're not comfortable with it, though, I'll have to find a different solution."
"Oh, but don't you worry about that. Should the puppy thing be out of the question, I'll do my best to make it up to you by helping you plan a... well, a grown-up party. How does that sound to you?"
"So regardless of whether you're okay with us playing puppy, you're going to help me sew a onesie?
She nodded with a kind smile, and I smiled in return.
"I think we have a deal," I concluded.
A short silence lasted, which we both used to think about everything we had discussed, until Trisha spoke up again.
"I'm wondering, though... how did you get into this 'playing puppy' thing? I can understand how Milo desired comfort after his parents died, but what about you? You said it helps you to deal with stress, but how did you discover this?"
I playfully snorted.
"I know, it doesn't sound like you'd one day wake up and think 'you know what? I'm so stressed out today, I'm going to dress up like a puppy, cuddle with a stuffed animal and pretend I'm three years old again'."
The old Indian laughed. "To me, it doesn't sound like that's what happened, was it?"
"Well, no. But also yes," I hesitated.
She cocked hear head in confusion.
"It sounds complicated, but it really isn't. You see, I've been a puppysitter for over three years, and I really liked taking care of young children. Most of them were dogs, but I've also taken care of a bear cub, for instance. Whenever I was spending time with those little ones, I couldn't help but notice how they could easily get upset, but were usually also easy to console. It's how simple things gave them comfort, like a pacifier, or their favorite stuffed animal... it intrigued me."
"So, you tried it yourself?"
"Not really," I dismissed. "It took a while before I understand what was happening. I became more and more drawn to the behavior of the little ones I sat for, especially for the younger ones. My youngest 'charge' was two years old when I first took care of her. The little puppy could play on her own, but she depended on me for many other activities, like bathing, feeding and changing."
"It sounds to me like it sparked your maternal instinct," Trisha commented.
"Maybe a little. I do greatly enjoy taking care of Milo, but I also have good time when I'm little myself. I guess... I think I became jealous of my charges, in a strange way. I've always liked to watch childish shows and movies, which I loved to do with my charges, but still... It took about a year before I realized I was 'maybe a bit jealous', but the feeling slowly grew stronger every month. I wanted someone to take care of me, to make me feel safe and loved."
"What's wrong with your parents, dear? Can't they give you this feeling?"
"I don't understand it either. My parents have been together for close to three decades, they love each other very much, as far as I now, their marriage is healthy... and they undoubtedly love me and my brother Steffen. They've always been nice for me, so my parents were not a reason why I got this desire."
"Then what was? If you wanted to be taken care of, but your parents love you, how does that work?" she asked. I still admired her tone, which was only curious. It was not hard to tell that she tried to phrase her questions in such a way they would not to offend me.
"I guess... Y'know, I didn't have many friends when I grew up. When I was a kid, I was really shy, so I had a hard time making friends. It kinda makes sense now, doesn't it? Why would a fifteen-year-old spend every Friday evening as a puppysitter, while she could hang out with her friends instead?"
"Well, if you don't have any friends to 'hang out with'... yes, that would make sense," she thought aloud. "Oh, I'm sorry, that sounded really mean, didn't it?"
"Don't worry," I reassured. "It's okay. But yush, that's more or less how it worked. I think my fascination with playing puppy started when I had just put one of my younger little ones to bed, then got curious what it would be like to suck on a pacifier. At first, I thought I was being really silly, but as the weeks passed, I began to try other things, like hugging a stuffed animal, or drinking from a bottle."
"Weren't you afraid someone would catch you doing this?"
"Very much, but fortunately, I was smart enough to think ahead. Besides, I never tried diapers until I met Milo. After all, I didn't know how to get my hands on diapers that'd fit me, let alone where I should hide them. I'd be mortified if my parents would find out about my, um, 'childish tendencies'."
"Why would you be embarrassed? You just said that your parents love you... why are you so afraid of telling them how you feel?"
"It's very personal, and I'm scared they'll think I'm immature, or even worse. They might think I'm crazy and in need of professional help. I... I'm happy now, and when I'm with Milo, I can be myself, whether I'm big or little. Of course, we were both shy when we first met, but he has showed me I'm safe with him. He understands why I want to play puppy, and I'm not sure my parents will get it. I don't want to risk the good relationship I have with them, not to mention what my _brother_might think of it. He's a really kind dog, but I'd hate it if he'd lost his respect for me. He's always looked up to his big sister, in a good way, and I prefer to keep it like that."
She nodded in understanding.
"You can trust me, Nina. Your secret is safe with me. If you don't want to share it with anyone else, I'll keep my muzzle shut."
"Thanks," I said, looking away. "It was hard enough telling you about this, let alone my parents."
"You won't have to. We'll just see what happens when we, how did you call it? Practice?"
"Yush. I hope I'm not too embarrassed to play when I'm here, but time will tell."
"I think you'll be fine. While we're at it, when would you like to visit me again?"
"Would Friday be okay?"
"Of course, dear. How about you drop in around four in the afternoon, so we can, um... 'play' for a while. Then we'll have dinner, and afterwards, we'll try to do the measuring for the onesie."
"That'd be great. I don't want to leave too late, though, as I'm going to spend the night at Milo's place."
She chuckled. "In that case, I won't keep you too long."
"Thanks. I've really enjoyed myself, Trisha, but if you don't mind, I'd like to go home now. There's a little project I'd like to work on before I go to sleep."
"I won't mind, dear. I've had a good time as well."
We both got up and went to the hallway, where I put Natasha back into my bag. I said goodbye, and she wished me a prosperous journey. A few moments later, I was on my way back home.