XI. Foreshadowing
As told by Milo
There are days on which I miss being a puppy, because I have no time to regress. On other occasions, I just don't feel like it, because it's a feeling that can come and go. The worst option is when I know playing puppy would do me good, but I cannot seem to get into the right mindset.
On Friday evening, I had just one of those times with Nina. I was looking forward to playing puppy with her, but I was still struggling before she arrived, so I knew it would be best to stay big and take care of her instead.
Of course, I did not tell her about my problem, but just offered to be her caregiver for the evening. After all, we had not played like that for quite a while, which was a welcome excuse for me to pretend like I am a gentleman.
In reality, I refrained from playing puppy not because I did not want to, moreover because I felt like it would not come from the heart - as if I would have to _fake_my puppy role, as weird as that might sound.
Maybe all the drama surrounding my theatre play was distracting me. It was not an unreasonable explanation. After all, the tragedy of the story did not really lift my spirits, and neither did that darned birthday of mine.
I sighed. So many insecurities surrounded my play. Would the freshmen be able to get the characters across to the public? Would my plans concerning the lighting work out? What would the jury think? The play would be judged by my teachers, but also by a small panel of 'regular' visitors. Their opinion was not very important, but still weighed in the final grading.
It would only be two more weeks until the performance of the play, immediately followed by my birthday. Not like I would have wanted it, but then again, if events like these are clustered, it requires me to grit my teeth only once. However, taking two blows instead of one - I couldn't decide which would be worse.
Pondering this question, I slowly finished my meal. Friday had come and gone, and so had Nina. My apartment was empty, save for myself of course, and I was having dinner. Alone, like mostly any day of the week.
There was some light at the horizon, though. I often played puppy by myself on Saturdays, but since I had met Nina, I usually did not feel a strong need to regress on the Saturdays she was not with me.
This usually drew me to playing my favorite game instead. After cleaning off my plate and putting it away in the kitchen, I powered up my laptop. Skipping any possible formalities, I started Spies and Settlers II, as well as Synapsis.
The latter is a lightweight voice chat application, specially designed for performance in cooperation with games. When I checked my friend list, some luck finally come my way. My friend ShadowCollie was online.
I always called him Shadow, after his on-screen alias, but of course this was probably not his legal name. He never told me his actual name, even though he knew mine. I had played with him last week, but other than that, we had not talked to each other for a while.
Shadow is a newly trained police officer from the Isles of Men, and he told me he had to work hard to prove himself. Some of his human fellow officers look down on him because he is a dog, and in their opinion, dogs should walk on four legs and be treated as such.
Humans still had a lot of difficulties coexisting with their furry counterparts in some areas even after over three centuries. In a lot of countries, we still did not have equal rights, and in some places, we are not even allowed to live. Several governments just adamantly refuse any requests for residence and work permits.
I had met Shadow through the support forum of Spies and Settlers, back when the second installment had not been published yet. For the past three years, we had played together for a couple of times a month.
We also talked on a personal level, supporting each other every now and then. For instance, when his first girlfriend had left him because she had 'found someone else', we had talked for two hours, until he felt better again. Of all the people I knew online, he was the closest thing I had to a friend.
Hoping he would not be busy, I put my headset on and hit the 'call' sign. It took a few seconds before he answered.
"Milo, old chap! It has been a while, hasn't it?"
"It certainly has. Are you up for some S&S?"
"Always, kittydog, always."
I rolled my eyes. I had told Shadow a thousand times to not call me that, ever since he had found out I have a striped fur coat. I have been bullied because of my striped fur resembling that of a feline, so the subject is still a bit sensitive for me. Eventually, I had stopped reprimanding him, and the nickname had turned into a sobriquet.
"I'll search for open two-on-two games. Any preferences?"
"I'm okay with an eight-player match. Together, we can take on three teams, can't we?"
"As much as we can call ourselves 'veterans', I suppose so," I replied with a grin.
"Meh, you're only as good as your teammate. Besides, I'm not much of a solo player."
"I can hold my own, but this game is more enjoyable in two-on-two style."
I soon found an open match that needed only one more team. Shadow and I applied, and the match was started. However, as the first phase of the game progressed and we both built up our bases, the questions of earlier that day returned, and I lost track of the game for a bit.
"Come on, Milo! Step up your game!" Shadow said, demanding my attention.
"Huh, what?" I said, somewhat confused.
"You just let two spies into your town, and now the red team knows what military units we have! So much for attacking them," the collie complained.
"Sorry, Shadow," I replied, trying not to let my feelings show through.
"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you. I just don't want to lose this game. It's been a while since I last won a match."
"But we wiped out everyone last week. Have you forgotten about that?"
"Of course I haven't, but I've been playing in the meantime as well. Now I know why I like to have you as my teammate. You seem to understand what this game is about."
"Thanks..." I said, but my voice trailed off.
"What's on your mind, Milo? You seem distracted."
I decided to play my cards. After all, Shadow was one of my friends, even though we had never met in person. I felt like I could trust this collie with anything.
"It's my girlfriend. She's been acting... strange, lately."
"Strange, how?" the collie asked in confusion.
"Like, almost suspicious. I know she's hiding something."
"Are you sure?"
"She said it herself."
Leaning against the doorframe of my opened front door, I waited for Nina to show up. Eventually, she arrived at exactly eight in the evening, just like we had appointed. She was carrying her duffel bag, which I knew contained her puppy stuff.
_ "Where have you been?" I asked, trying my best to not sound upset._
_ "Whatcha mean?" she countered playfully._
_ "I tried to call you earlier today. I wanted to ask you to take your_ Rabbit Rescue discs with you, but you didn't answer your phone."
_ "Have you ever had a dead battery, or just no coverage?" she said innocently._
_ "Of course, that's why I called Margaret instead. However, she told me you had left at a quarter to four, already carrying your duffel bag. You didn't tell her where you were going either."_
_ She kept a neutral expression on her muzzle._
_ "Do I need to justify myself?"_
_ I suddenly realized I treated her like she was my daughter, had been away from home all night and had to answer for where she had been._
_ "Not really, no. I'm sorry. It's just... I didn't expect you to go anywhere between your place and mine while you're carrying your puppy stuff. You're usually scared stiff of getting found out."_
_ Nina nodded._
_ "And since you didn't answer your cell phone, and Margaret didn't know where you were either, I-I..."_
_ "You were concerned about me, right?"_
_ I nodded and looked down._
_ "That's why I asked where you've been."_
_ "It's okay, Milo, but I'm not going to tell you."_
_ I looked her in the eyes again. "But-", I started, but she cut me off._
_ "Not_ yet_, that is."_
_ "So you're going to tell me_ eventually_?"_
"Hey! Earth to Milo!" Shadow said, bringing me back to the present.
"Sorry, I was distracted again."
"Let me get this straight. If your girlfriend is keeping secrets, she's either doing that because she loves you, or because she loves someone else."
"You mean she might be... No, Nina would never cheat on me, would she?"
"Don't take this too literally, but you never know. However, I don't know your girl. She might just be doing something behind your back and surprise you with it. I don't know, maybe she's been to a jeweler to buy you an engagement ring? Or ain't you dogs that serious?"
"Well, not yet, I guess. I love her a lot, but I'm not ready to bond with her on _that_level. Besides, we're both still studying, so we can't even afford it."
"Fair enough. Just... if she has cheated on you, don't be afraid to dump her, okay? If you don't, you'll probably end up hurting yourself and you're better off on your own."
"Right..." I replied, but I didn't mean it. Could I ever leave Nina? And if I would, _how_would I do it? Could I even live without her?
"Now please do me a favor and get back to the game. We're at the bottom of the league right now, so the other teams will probably target our camps."
I quickly shook my head a few times, hoping to shed the confusing thoughts, so I could focus on the game at hand.
"Er... right. So you expect them to gang up on us? In that case, your spies are faster than mine. Send them to the guys that slipped into my camp earlier, so we know what's coming. If they acted on the intel they got, make sure you train defensive units that can counter theirs."
"Alright, I'm on it. Give me two minutes and you'll know more."
"Good. In the meantime, I'll be building an offensive force. Those guys from the blue team are clearly not very good at this. I expect them to attack with their entire force, leaving their base unprotected. As soon as their army leaves, I'll send mine to take over their camp."
"Sounds like Milo is back," Shadow complimented with a voice that had 'bring it on' written all over it.
"We didn't get our stripes for nothing, officer," I mocked.
"Well, actually, you did," he said, and we both laughed.
The rest of the game was not easy, but we managed to beat our opponents by a muzzle's length. I had set my early mistakes right, after which we were able to slowly - but steadily - conquer the entire island.
During the game, I had forgotten about my questions and the pain attached to them. However, when I shut down Synapsis at one in the morning, leaving me in the silence of my apartment, they returned. I should have known, they always do.
Nina still had not told me what the buzz with Margaret was about. Maybe... could all the suspicious stuff be related? Maybe they were doing something together I should not know about, but what could it be?
Besides, Margaret not knowing where Nina was - or pretending not to know - still did not rule out the option of Nina seeing someone else. I sighed. It was going to be a long night of not sleeping.