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Fir and Bark

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Prologue:

"I hate you!" The thoughts kept bouncing about in my head, like moths circling a streetlight late in the night. You're always told that all good things must come to an end. I guess that's just what I had done; I'd ended things on my own terms, what more could I have done? It still left a bitter and horrible taste in my mouth though, like bile and blood. Staring into the mirror didn't help things; bloodshot eyes from tears that came and went, a mouth twisted into an amalgamation somewhere between a scowl and frown, and hair twisted into knots. By all measures, I was a mess. The true turmoil, the worst pain, didn't show itself so easily, however. My guts felt as if they'd jump through my mouth at any moment, and my heart felt like it would quickly collapse upon itself and pull me into nothingness -I wouldn't fight it. I held onto the sink for some stability as I stared back into a bedraggled face; gritting my teeth as hard as I could I try to cage the dry heaving that wanted to escape, sobs that had long since run out of tears. The sensations still came and went. The smells were the strongest; bursts of fir trees, sweat, dirt, and so much more seemed to plague me, to remind me of what I'd been through. I didn't know what to do anymore; I was emotionally and mentally exhausted and needed a moment -a moment I knew I'd not be granted, time would keep on rolling with me tethered by the ankle.

I moved to this poor town on a whim, I thought it'd be fun. Western Oregon was a nice spot of land; lots of forests, the ocean, and not a lot of people a perfect place to escape from the encroachment of society. I'd just gotten out of college; so, I was able to decide where I'd like to go. Having no real tethers, I decided that somewhere quiet would be what the doctor ordered! I'd gotten a job lined up with a local park to work as a guide and general information regurgitator --not too difficult a job but it didn't pay worth crap, just enough to get by. I was happy though. Having the ability to relocate on such a spur and actually making it by without going hungry was an accomplishment in my book.

I guess it was nice; those first couple of months things went smoothly. I'd get up early to my alarm and work a job where I got to meet people and work outdoors in the sun. I'd come home, have a few drinks, watch some television, read a bit, and head to bed. Life was simple, and it wasn't demanding. I was allowed some comfort and relaxation. I enjoyed those first few months, even if people saw me as a tad antisocial. I was afforded the ability to just withdraw into myself and collect my thoughts, place them in order, and just let the essence of solitude seep into me completely. In my head, I was remaking my life in a manner that I wanted, on my terms. A life where there wasn't the stress and pressures that I left behind.

It was a cool day with a bit of wind, late September; I don't remember the exact date just that morning when I headed out I had to grab a light jacket. I had the weekend off, a rare occurrence, and I had become possessed with a desire to explore a bit of the wooded areas around this new town. Hopefully I would be able to get some last minute fishing in before I had to head back to work that Monday as well. The decades-old truck I brought with me in the move had issues starting up in colder weather and it took her a couple of tries to get up and going that morning. It'd be a problem later in the year, I knew, but I didn't have the care to worry about it yet. It might have had some rust spots and leak a bit here and there, and who knew what its original color had been, but it was reliable and got me from here to there pretty much without fail, just with a lot of complaining.

I had heard about out a good fishing spot earlier in the week, after browsing around a couple local convenient stores and bars, just chatting it up with locals; they'd told me that about twenty-five miles out, heading south, there was a good bend in the Columbia that tended to harbor a good catch if you got there at the right time. That was my destination as I headed out, jacket thrown on with a small cooler of beer in the passenger floorboard and my pole and tackle box in the bed of the pickup. I was just going to sit and enjoy a day off, with a few hours of cheap entertainment -well as cheap as fishing can be, after you buy all the bait, line, pole, and such; I didn't say I was an avid fisherman.

As I made my way out towards the river, I flicked on one of the plethora of local radio station. I recognized Desperado by the Eagles playing; the music was a little too low to understand, but the melody was coming through clear enough. I hummed along quietly as I smiled at nothing in particular, taking the curves at a gentle lazy pace. A hawk caught my eye as I drove and I watched it fly across a sky that had a few thin wispy clouds marring its blueness. The day was just getting started, and it was at this time, when things were in between sleep and wakefulness, that I gained the most from. Even with the crisp air, and as slow as the sun was to show its face this time of year, I thought to myself that it would be an excellent day today; it'd just be me and a couple hours of escape from society's weight -where worries about bills and the nine-to-five were the norm.

I pulled off onto the side of the road after about thirty-minutes of driving. For just being twenty-five miles it felt like it was a lot farther than that, but I had always been horrible with directions. I just chocked it up to the locals being more familiar with the area; they'd be used to such a long commute, they'd probably just misjudge the time it would take for an outside to find this desolated stretch of road. However, after looking at my twenty year old atlas I had precariously open in my passenger seat, this was the closest spot to the river, and by what I had been told the right spot to start hoofing it. I still wasn't sure if I was in the right spot, but I didn't really care, fishing or not, roaming was something I enjoyed and I'd find out soon enough if there was water nearby. "Water is water." I thought to myself as I shrugged a bit and looked out my windshield, overlooking the large crack in the bottom left side. The sun was still relatively low in the sky; it was probably around ten-o-clock, "Still plenty of daylight!" I said with a slight smirk.

After turning my junk heap off and hopping out into the coolness, throwing the door closed as I moved, I was elated when I heard the distant sound of water running; it was faint, bird chirping almost drowned the sound out, but it was present. "Jackpot," I reached into the bed to pick up my rod and tackle box, "Looks like this isn't as much a bust as I thought it'd be!" I said to no one as I made sure I had everything I needed. I really didn't want to be making any treks back to the main road, and knowing my forgetfulness I double checked everything. I mumbled confirmations aloud as I slowly started making my way towards the sounds of water, hands holding a bit of this-and-that.

The walk took a bit longer, and was a tad more difficult, than I had expected; however, it wasn't the most difficult of wanderings through the woods I had experienced in my life. From what the locals had explained to me there should have been a pretty well worn dirt path leading towards the water -this, in my head, just enforced the idea that I was wandering into the wilderness. As I broke through the last bit of brush to reach the water, I pushed the thought that I had probably wandered off into some god-forsaken part of the woods that no one else ever came to out of my head. As I turned my eyes from the ground up towards the Columbia River I stopped a moment, mesmerized by the river and its inherent beauty; I felt a wide smile slowly creep across my face. The water curled around rocks and flowed back upon itself in swirls, and the gurgling and gush of water created a drone that seemed to cause the river to radiate itself out past its shoreline.

After shaking off the allure of the water, I lazily scanned the small space I had come upon. Ahead of me the forest continued on for a bit before dropping off and meeting with a small rocky shore -it was pretty typical forest meets river attire. I hobbled down the embankment, it was a bit too high to just hop down, and set all my stuff down near where I landed; I noticed when I got closer to the water that it was a tad cooler here, as would be expected. Even if I was in some god-forsaken part of the woods I had plans to have a relaxing day, and I was going to do what I had planned to do. After getting everything arranged and doing a bit of poking around the area I settled down and went to check the time on my phone, only to quickly find that I had left it hidden underneath my atlas in my passenger seat, "Damn it!" I belted out as I let out a sigh, "It figures." I turned my head up towards the sky noting that, with the sun where it was, it looked about ten-thirty. I wasn't going to let something as stupid as leaving my cell in the truck to cause me to worry; so, I leaned back up against the dirt embankment and grabbed my line and baited it and lazily tossed it out, watching as it wafted through the air to plunk into the water.

Always being the person I am, I tend to catch and release fish whenever the rare desire to go fishing came upon. It's more the act that I enjoy over the reward of the fish. I find pleasure in the simplicity of fishing, and the quietness of sitting within the folds of nature-it always leaves me feeling small, but with purpose and meaning. I grabbed a beer and popped the tab on it, the hiss breaking the slight cadence the river formed, and took a swig; it was still cold thank god -I never was one to drink warm beer...

The next couple of hours consisted of several fish, a rising temperature, and beer --until it decided to start catching up with the warming day. My ass had started protesting the 'Let's sit on a shore that's nothing but rocks' idea pretty quickly; so, I'd taken my jacket off and used it as a cushion, surprisingly it worked pretty well. By then the day had warmed up enough where my long-sleeve shirt kept me toasty so, I didn't miss my jacket much. I leaned back further against the dirt bank and rested my head against the slightly moist dirt and closed my eyes. I listened to the river flowing. I could feel myself starting to doze, but just didn't have the gumption to get up and shake it out. The temperature was enjoyable, and the water just lulled me into unconsciousness.

I was awoken with a splash. Realizing I had fallen asleep I quickly threw myself to my feet, and the first thing I noticed was that the sun was clocking out for the day. "Mother fucker..." I yelled as I mentally kicked myself. I looked around in the dusky light to find that all of my stuff looked fine, exactly how it was when I passed out like a dumbass. After the initial shock of waking up suddenly passed I turned to look towards the water to see what had initiated my waking. I stopped dead in my tracks when my eyes passed upon something standing on the opposite shoreline. It was standing still, and looking towards me. It wasn't a bear; it was too low to the ground for that. It took my sleep filled eyes a bit to adjust to see exactly what I was looking at, but when I finally figured out what was standing dead still on the other side I felt myself panic just a bit. All I could hear was the increasing beat of my heart.

There was a wolf, a large black wolf by my observations, standing just across the water staring me down intently, its ears cocked in my direction, still and unmoving. It quickly hit me that wolves normally traveled in packs; so, I began running my options through my head, what were my choices for fighting off wolves if there happened to be more lurking around me, or behind me -climbing a tree might be an option. As the anxiety began setting in I didn't move for fear of drawing the immediate threat's unfound ire; I felt the adrenaline force my heart to start beating faster, and my palms became clammy. I tried to not blink for fear that it'd come bounding across the not too deep water during that millisecond of blindness. I licked my lips and felt my breath catch a moment when it hit me again that the sun was deciding to leave me alone for this particular event, leaving me at a huge disadvantage.

After what felt like an eternity of neither one of us moving, the wolf twitched and broke into a slow gait; I felt myself unconsciously stepping backwards, when I heard the splash of water. I felt the panic start slowly rising, and my instinctual desire to run kicked in; I knew that there was no way I could outrun something like this, no matter how hard I tried. I felt my back run up against the embankment that I had been resting against earlier; it wasn't nearly as comforting this time, cold moist dirt reminded me that I was in the middle of nowhere. I was consciously aware of the moment the thoughts began running through my head -would this thing kill me, would it just maul me and then I'd bleed out before I could get to a hospital?

The wolf pulled itself out of the shallow river and walked in a nonchalant manner in my direction, its fur was sopped with water and I heard it huff a bit as it shook. The air had started getting a chill to it with the suns passing, and surprisingly I could see steam coming off of the wolf's flanks as it meandered closer towards me. I found it awkward that there would be steam coming off of the creature, it seemed out of place. I gritted my teeth and tensed up as it began to reach my gear that I'd left laying where I'd been sitting when I woke up, maybe fifteen feet from where I was currently standing.

The wolf turned, twisted its head towards the ground and began investigating what I'd left setting. Maybe, it was just looking for food and was used to scavenging from humans? It only spent a moment there before it raised its head and looked towards me again; its eyes drooped a bit and it cocked its head, as if it was thinking to itself. I pursed my lips and felt an unsteady breath escape through my nostrils, trying to prepare myself for what I expected to happen next; I began shivering a bit from the cold and panic that had set upon me.

The canine turned away from me again and started looking over my belongings a second time, slowly dripping river water as it went. As the beast sated its curiosity, acting as if I wasn't even present, sniffing over my cooler and reel, its huge body didn't even dishevel the rocks on the shore -for some reason this unsettled me, this animal was too quiet. As the wolf was absorbed in its investigation the panic that filled me prevented me from making a break for it; my next best thought was if I didn't move it wouldn't bother me. As the animal continued its rounds, I noticed that when it came across my jacket (I had left it splayed out on the ground) it pawed at it like a dog would; it seemed this creature found my jacket an interesting find. I could audibly hear it huff a bit as it put its muzzle into the inner parts of the clothing, continuing to paw at it.

I ruffled my eyebrows a bit, finding its mannerisms out of place for a wild animal; however, I didn't have much time to think about the displaced manners of this creature. It turned its head back up from my jacket and locked its eyes squarely onto mine; it stood there for a moment, its ears slightly moving, picking up the sounds of the evening forest as it came to life before it began padding its way towards me. It kept its eyes locked onto mine, as if it was reading my reactions and waiting for me to bolt; I stood my ground, but I was sure it could hear the dry gulp -an attempt to swallow my all encompassing stress.

Within moments it was standing in front of me, to say I was frightened was an understatement. It stood higher than what I would expect a wolf to stand, its head coming up to just below my rib cage. At this distance I saw that its eyes were a strange color, a bronzed yellow that seemed to flicker with life. I swallowed again and felt myself shudder slightly as I tried to keep breathing. Before I had time to react the animal threw its large head forward, towards my soft stomach, I gasped mildly -an attempt to prepare for the bite. I was surprised when I was met with nothing but a hot puff of air, and a barely audible whine. This was far more unsettling than the mauling I was expecting.

This wolf's actions left me confused, and even more hesitant to move. After a couple more huffs the wolf seemed to collect itself and threw itself back towards my belongings as quickly as it had come upon me. I was left with a soaked shirt and an uneasy feeling about the animal; I wondered if maybe this had been a wolf that had been raised by someone illegally and released when they couldn't care for it any longer. I watched it as it shook its head a bit, and looked at me with its ears lowered, its fur slightly raised and tail being held at an awkward angle it seemed to have suddenly become uncomfortable and slowly shifted its weight. This awkward display didn't last long, however, the wolf quickly turned around, grabbing my jacket during the movement, and bolted off into the thick underbrush and trees, leaving me with more questions than answers.

After standing stock still pressed into the dirt embankment for several minutes, I attempted to collect myself as best I could and then forced myself to move. My things were lying sprawled about, and it took longer than I was comfortable with to scrabble around and gather them up; I'm sure I left more than a couple things lying where they had been scattered. My heart was still trying to catch up with reality, and the fear that had filled me was still draining out through my feet; it left me slightly dizzy, and with a buzzing in my ears. I didn't know if I should just break down and cry or laugh at my luck! I had no idea how to rationalize what had just happened in my head, and at the moment I wasn't really in the right state to rationalize it. I was busy trying to collect my stuff and get back to some signs of civilization before it got too dark to see and the wolf decided he wasn't quite done investigating, trying to fill my mind with thoughts other than the one that was telling me this wolf was still here, and that it had friends.

My trek back through the underbrush was a lot less enjoyable the second time around, with the sun setting; I had started to shiver a bit from a mix of my missing jacket and the wet shirt the wolf had left plastered onto my chest. My attempts at staying quiet weren't very successful; due mostly to a concoction of fear and desire to get home that had filled me and overflowed like a bubbling pot. As I shuffled through underbrush, my head held low to watch the ground, I heard a howl break through the slow whoosh of evening winds; the sound seemed to reverberate and cause all the other sounds to silence themselves leaving nothing but a strange sound that echoed upon itself and that gripped my heart with panic. I fumbled through a path that I had found relatively easy earlier that day, as my face was filled with a prickling sensation; the fear that I might still be in danger had caused me to start to tear up from the thoughts running through my head. I grit my teeth and could audibly hear my teeth grinding in my head. I filled my head with one though, "Not here..." as I pushed the emotions down into the pit of my stomach and kept walking.

It took me a lot longer than to get out of the forest than it had taken me to wade in, and I had come out with a plethora of scratches across my face from not fully paying attention to what was going on. I threw all my stuff into the back of my pickup and let out a sigh as I rested my head against the warm metal of my truck. The day had for all intensive purposes transitioned to night by now. I rolled over, leaning my back against the truck, and gazed back towards the forest, peering back into the darkened floor, it seemed like the trees had crowded together, and were keeping their contents to themselves. The sight left me uneasy.

My teeth started to shake in my mouth from the cold that had begun to roll in; so, I hopped into the driver's seat, locked the doors, and rested my head against the steering wheel as I recounted the day's events. I tiredly reached over to my phone and flicked it on to check the time, eight-eighteen, my legs were twitching in the floorboard -a nervous tick of mine. I slowly raised my head up and fumbled with my keys in the ignition, and after a couple attempts the old hunk of metal decided to get going. I sat listening to my teeth clack, waiting to get some warmth flowing from my truck's vents.

I sat there, caught up in my head, for a moment, probably fifteen minutes or so, before I felt the engine finally warm up. As the heat started rotating I gently put the truck into drive, causing the lights to dim in the cabin. Turning my focus back towards the dimly lit road ahead I could feel myself seize, my hands gripping the steering wheel tightly; just ahead of me, hidden back within the ever-huddling trees, were two luminescent eyes that radiated the light from my truck, surrounded by a dark undulating body; they were wolf's eyes, it was a wolf staring me down. In my mind I had been followed by the wolf; stalked like some piece of meat throughout the whole trip back to my truck. I felt my stomach turn uneasily as I tried to think rationally. What were the chances of it being the same one that I had seen at the river? There were bound to be hundreds of wolves in this area! My chances for validating if it was the same wolf were cut short when I saw the silhouette turn tail and start darting back into the underbrush, away from the asphalt. I didn't wait around to see if it decided to come back; I'd had enough nature for one day! I pulled back onto the road and put myself towards home.

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ONE

I awoke to the screech of my alarm clock; why I don't change it to something more pleasent I'll never know. I lazily rolled my body over and snaked my arm out from under my blanket, just enough to push the snooze button, before pulling my hand back into the warmth and throwing the blankets over my head and curling up into the warmth and safety. I closed my eyes, "Just resting them..." I thought to myself. I listened to the slow drone of my breath as it made the alcove I had carved out muggy and moist; I thought about the day before as I drifted on the edge of sleep, of that strange wolf. I could still make out the reverberation that howl had set loose inside me, it continued to echo around inside me hours afterwards; its eyes were so strange. The thoughts rolled over me like waves lapping at the shore. Why had I not seen more wolves, they travel in packs? Why was there just one and why was it so big? Why did it not attack me...? I'm normally not that lucky...

My thoughts were jarred out of place by the hum of the alarm going off again, and this time I decided not to dwell on my thoughts any longer. With a little too much groaning, an attempt to vocalize my objections to getting out of bed, I slid my body from under the blankets. The air bit at my exposed skin causing it to recoil and shiver. The morning was never something I awoke greeting, it was filled more with angry mumblings and the sound of me shuffling around -still too sleep filled to lift my legs. I had always hated getting out of bed in the colder months; however, the fact that I slept in my boxers probably had something to do with that -it was probably the largest contributing factor, honestly.

As I brushed my teeth, I flipped the television on to the morning news, more to fill the background with noise than to listen to. The light flickered around the room, illuminating my morning with a static blue as the weather man started in, saying something about it being partly cloudy and cool today. I lowered my head down towards the sink and spat the excess toothpaste into the basin and flicked the water back on, cupping my hands I filled them with water to rinse the excess toothpaste from my mouth.

Rising up from the sink I gazed into the mirror, my face was no worse for wear; I slowly worried my lower lip as I gazed over what the world saw a couple scratches from the previous night on my cheeks, dark eyes topped with thick ever furrowed eyebrows', a jaw-line that wasn't the most pronounced. I had dark circles under my eyes, but that was nothing new. I let out a heavy and sordid sigh as I threw my toothbrush back into its holder and dried my mouth against a hand towel. I fumbled for the comb I kept on top of my linen cabinet and attempted to mash my bed hair down into something respectable --misplacing the uneasy morning sadness that had crept into me. I looked back into the mirror to see if my attempts were making any kind of leeway, only to be greeted by a worn-self staring back at me. I swallowed a bit, my mouth still tasted like mint toothpaste, as I observed myself. I wondered if people knew how much of my life happened inside my head, how much I took a moment and rolled it around like a billiard ball, trying to view it from all angles. As I stood there it seemed I still hadn't fully recovered from the events of the previous day, the events flooded in from the edges of my mind as I stood there, scratching for a foothold; it all had left me tired and kept me from sleeping; I was drained emotionally and physically.

"Fuck it..." I growled as I threw the comb into the sink basin and went to rummage around in my closest; I needed to finish getting ready for work. I was hesitant at the thought of work, due to the fact that I worked in the woods. Calling in wasn't an option though, I needed the money, if I missed a day of work I'd be missing the money later in the month --I would like to keep a roof over my head. I rubbed at my eyes a bit unsuccessfully, sleep kept blurring my vision. I gazed into my closest, noting the lack of any real color variety, while I thought to myself about why yesterday's events were still bothering me. I shook my head slowly, an attempt to clear the thoughts from my head, and pulled out the first thing I saw that was work-appropriate, a green polo and some blue jeans. I slipped into the clothes quickly, hiding my body from the cold, and didn't waste much time, grabbing my keys and wallet off the dresser; I'd forgotten my phone in the car the night before, and had been too tired to go back out and get it. Heading for the door, I wrapped myself up in a jacket that was too heavy for the weather outside, and I pursed my lips a bit as I was reminded of the previous day's events. I could already tell that today would be one of those days; I just wanted to crawl back into bed. I made sure to turn the lights off before I left. I stepped out into a morning that was grey and cold, without much to capture your eye past the mist of your breath and with nothing to listen to but the occasional wail of the wind.

I stopped by McDonalds on way in and grabbed a large cup of coffee. I wasn't much of a coffee drinker, but with the way I felt I knew I'd need it. I was slowly sipping on it when I pulled off onto the narrow employee side-road that led to the main building's employee lot. The coffee was bitterer than I had wanted, but they never got the cream and sugar right, either way, I wasn't going to complain. I noticed that there were dead leaves scattered around the edges of the parking lot and mumbled slightly about not picking them up this time. It seemed I got stuck with a lot of the cleaning and maintenance jobs, I guess Chris just didn't think I was the kind of people-person someone would want interacting with guests in the gift shop or with tours. They normally let the older employees enjoy the air conditioned jobs, people my age got to bust their ass with the manual labor jobs. I hissed a bit as I took a bit too big of a swig of coffee and was rewarded with a scorched tongue tip.

As I pulled into a vacant spot, I noticed Ashley's car parked in the back of the lot; it was an older blue cobalt whose bumper had gotten too friendly with one too many poles in its life. Even with her atrocious driving habits, Ashley was a nice person. She had been hired about the same time as me, and we had struck up what I'd call a friendship while we went through the orientation courses they required us to take when we were hired. She was a little younger than me, two years to be exact, and had lived in this area her whole life. She was a spunky character, with a little bit of a weight problem, but she meant well and truly seemed interested in getting to know me -that or she was just so bored of the decade old video we had to watch she thought she'd see if I was interesting.

From what I had garnered she'd moved out from her parent's place at seventeen, and she had been supporting herself as best she could with two jobs since then, college had never really been an option for her. I think our mutual struggle for money helped us befriend each other; it gave us something relatable when we first met. I felt a slight half-smile perk my day up a bit; at least I'd have someone to talk to today! Ashley always seemed to be able to worm her way into doing the same job I did, and we spent most of the day chatting about nothing in particular, it helped the time pass by, but really hampered any in-depth work from getting done.

After setting my truck into park, and letting my mind wander over Ashley's character a bit, I flicked the key out of the ignition and slid out of the truck, coffee in hand, slamming the door shut with my foot as I moved. With several tugs at the truck's door handle I deemed that it was locked and slowly made my way towards the employee entrance; as I walked by the hood of my truck I noticed Old Reliable had lost another flake of paint, and I could see a bit of rust starting to form in the area -I'd have to try and patch that up before the salt trucks got put out for the winter. I stopped for a moment, and took a couple breaths to get ready to start my day, to try and steal some vigor from the air around me. I looked over towards the edge of the forest that started where the parking lot ended, to look at the leaves falling from the trees. The day was still full of muted light, causing everything to look heavy with a weighty pallor, but I found some solace in the moment as I steeled myself against the day.

Coming to from my mindless thoughts I gazed at my watch, it was around seven forty-five, I had a couple minutes to just relax and try to wake myself up further. I sniffed sharply, scrunching my nose up and letting out a deep yawn in the process; my nose seemed to stay at two extremes during the colder months, stuffy or painfully dry. I quickly closed the distance between my truck and the employee entrance, and as I pulled on the front door I was greeted with the quiet chatter of other employees who'd gotten in before me; it was probably the sixty-something year olds who worked here part time to have something to do -they seemed to always be here, and I sometimes wondered if they went home or just had cots stashed somewhere. I couldn't really make out their conversation, so I just headed on over towards the small kitchen area to grab some paper towels to clear my nose, and to add some sugar to the cup of coffee I was trying to drink.

I didn't get very far down the hallway before I was greeted with a high pitched voice, "Hey Jason, come here for a minute!" My face ruffled into a questioning look as I turned my head to see Ashley standing, slowly rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, standing halfway in the manager's office, a cheeky grin plastered on her face. I threw my paper towel away and walked over to the doorway that Ashley was standing at. Chris, our supervisor, was sitting at his desk across the room from Ashley and I, scribbling something down on a legal pad, surrounded by a couple stacks of papers. Chris was a guy in his early forties, he'd gotten a degree in wildlife management in college and had been here pretty much since then; he was a staple of the place, and people liked him well enough. Ashley interrupted the silence with her incessant enthusiasm, "Wipe that look off your face! You're going to like this, seriously!" she emphasized with a unnecessary wave of her hand --whenever Ashley started talking with her hands you had to all but spontaneously lose your hearing to go without hearing what was driving her.

Holding my coffee, I leaned against the doorframe, "What's up?" I mumbled as I swirled the coffee around in my cup and looked around Chris' office, it had the feel of someone that was on the verge of being a pack-rat. I could see old magazines in one corner, and a box of tennis racquets near the door. Add to that, from what I could see, four cups of coffee sitting precariously around the room, forgotten in the rush to see everything done, and I was all but convinced that Chris was a hoarder -I entertained the thought a bit of Chris being on Hoarders: Buried Alive while I waited for more details.

Chris, after finishing up whatever he was scribbling, finally seemed to notice me standing in the door with a confused look on my face; he cocked an eyebrow, "Hey Jace. We got the animal rehab people comin' in today. They're gonna be releasin' some wildlife and are gonna need a couple extra hands to haul some of their equipment and do some paperwork, nothin' too difficult." He said quickly not turning to look at me. As he flipped through a stack of papers he had scattered on the left side of his desk he continued, "Says here they're gonna be around about eight-thirty, as I said shouldn't be too difficult a job. Problem is we ain't got anyone interested in it. Ashley here said she thought you and her might be a good choice though, said you liked helpin' animals. You interested?"

I paused a bit and seriously thought about just smashing my head into Chris' door, or throwing my coffee on Ashley --I chuckled a bit at my mind's eye playing out the scene I had imagined. I'd done these animal releases before, when I first started; the release was with some avian rehab place a couple of hours drive from here. It started out decent enough, but quickly lost my interest. Those people had all kinds of tracking devices they had to account for, and identification numbers to note down, and I got to be the volunteer to handle that part of the release. It'd been one of the bigger mistakes I'd made since I had moved up here. If this place was anything like that one I knew I was not going to do that, even if Ashley wanted me to.

"What rehab facility is it this time? I worked with those avian rehabbers a couple months ago," I said quietly before taking a swig of my cooling coffee, it made me want to grimace but I saved face, "to be honest it wasn't the best experience, really tedious." Chris pulled out a bright yellow sheet of paper and motioned for Ashley to hand it to me; I looked down at it to see that it was a wolf rehabilitation center, "Oh for fuck's sake!" I thought to myself quietly as my face remained still, my eyebrows rising just a bit to betray my surprise.

"They're a new outfit, haven't been 'round long, about eight months or so. This'll be their first release in the park. Government's wanting to work on increasing the wolf population in the area, so they're allowing a controlled release in the park's borders," Chris recited as he looked towards me, leaning back in his chair with an uncaring attitude plastered on his face. "but look, don't feel obligated to do this, If you'd rather not I guess I can get someone else. However, Ashley here seemed adamant about you and her working it though so I thought I'd at least offer." He finished with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

I squinted slightly and swirled my coffee around in its cup again as I looked over the paper Ashley had handed me; it was a flyer for the Sequia Wolf Rescue & Rehabilitation Center. It wasn't anything extremely fancy, just basic information: office hours, days of operation, donation requests, and a couple clip art pictures of wolves. "Now look, I want to do this! It's a once in a lifetime thing. You'll thank me later," Ashley belted as she stamped her foot a bit, her head bobbing in cadence with her vocal inflections, "If you say no I'm not going to forgive you!"

I worried on my lower lip a bit before running my tongue over my teeth, I looked up at Ashley and back towards the yellow flyer, "Dude, do you even know how much paperwork these people fill out? You know what we'll be doing the whole time, paperwork. You'll be lucky if you even get to see the release." I said a little bitterly as I cocked my head to the side and steeled myself for the onslaught. "Like I just said I did this thing with the avian rehabbers a couple months back, nothing but paperwork." I continued as I laid the flyer on the closest pile of who knows what. Truth be told, I was still a little shaken at my near mauling the night before, helping to release even more wolves into the area was the last thing on my list of things to do today.

Ashley stood there in her uniform, accented with a bit of lavender, her favorite color, staring at me intently. I couldn't tell how she felt about my reaction -I worried that I had hurt her feelings, but I kept my face from showing it, slowly running my eyes across the dingy tiles on the floor. Chris rubbed his brow a bit, not wanting to deal with drama this early, "Look! Don't be bitchin' in the office, okay? Like I said I can just get some other people to take care of it."

Ashley turned her head towards Chris, her hair shuffling around a bit, and she sighed before looking back towards me, "Jason, come on? I just want to do this; I'll do the fucking paperwork if that's the issue. I thought this'd be a fun thing for us to do!" I could feel my eyebrows rise a bit at Ashley's response. She normally wasn't so, blunt in her requests. I guess her mannerisms weren't as ladylike when it came down to her getting what she wanted.

I took another swig of my coffee, an attempt to buy time. I really didn't want to do this, but it seemed I didn't have much of a choice; rock and a hard place was the state of the day! Weighing my options I came to the conclusion that it'd be a better idea to go along with Ashley than to have her upset with me. "For the record," I said as I shook my head for added emphasis, "I'm only doing this because I know you'll key my truck if I refuse."

"What, that hunk of junk? Would you even notice if I keyed it?" She asked, a grin forming on her face, "but I guess you know me too well because that's what I was thinking of doing!" she said as a mischievous smile broke free as she happily walked towards me, "Now that that's settled, I'm gonna get some coffee!" I sighed and rolled my eyes as she bumped shoulders with me on the way out. Clearly she was the 'animal strutting after its victory'.

I turned towards Chris, my face stretched with a grimace, "Do I get an extra vacation day for this?" I asked sarcastically.

"We'll see," he responded with a slight smirk "You two just hang out here. I think they're sending some guy, Aaron I think was his name, to pick ya'll up." With that he went back to working on paperwork, his signal that he was done with this particular conversation.

I tossed my almost-empty coffee cup into Chris' trash bin as I walked out, closing his overly squeaky door. I huffed a bit, shrugging my shoulders, as I made my way towards the break room; it was only just hitting eight, I'd have a bit of time to kill. Sitting down into one of the dingy plastic lawn chairs scattered around the room I yawned, and thought about how much I hated fluorescent lighting. I kept mulling over if I'd rather be cleaning up those leaves in the parking lot, or going with Ashley to some wolf release -I felt like I had probably made the wrong decision. As I sat there I could feel the gnawing in my mind start up, the incessant push for an idea to present itself to me. I rested my head in my heads and leaned my elbows up against the small fold-out table that had been put in the room and let my mind roll itself back. If I wanted peace, I'd have to try and make sense of some of the out-of-place things that had happened to me, to logically justify my luck.

This time I found myself thinking about the wolf's strange effervescent eyes. I couldn't put a definitive word to what I had seen in them, or what was strange about them. I just knew that they had imprinted upon me, and left me wondering what I had seen. The words were fighting at the tip of my tongue to reveal themselves; I rolled them around in my mouth, finding that each one wasn't the one hiding on the edge of my vernacular. I spoke gently, under my breath, trying to see if that would help me find the words I couldn't form; the exercise left me frustrated.

I heard shuffling behind me, but didn't turn my head. It was probably someone getting in late; it was a pretty common occurrence. My eyes were half-lidded as I twisted my thoughts around, trying to make sense of the previous day.

I heard a chair rumble across the peeling linoleum floor as it was pulled up near me, and a styrofoam cup set just inside my peripheral vision, "Whatcha up to?" a familiar voice threw out in my direction.

"Eh, just sitting here thinking about how shitty the day's going to be." I said as I leaned upright and turned to look at Ashley's face, "You owe me big time for this you know?"

"I know! We can hit up a bar or something tonight and I'll getcha one of those fancy drinks!" She said as she shrugged.

"I thought all the bars here just served beer? You know a man's drink!" I said as I squared my shoulders a bit to emphasize my sarcasm. As Ashley let a smirk filled laugh escape her, I could feel a small smile creep across my face.

"Oh, well you'd be surprised. There's plenty of normal folk bars around here," she replied as she swept her hair back into a ponytail, "If you were to ask me, Abby's has the best White Russians in a forty mile radius!"

I flicked an eye up to look at Ashley slyly, "Didn't you say one of your family members owned that place? I could have sworn you said something like that the other day."

She slightly chuckled as she finished messing in her hair, pulling a small black scrunchie off her wrist to hold her hair in place "Well..." she drolled, "I guess you caught me! My motives aren't always so cut and dry, and it's a close family friend that owns it." A big smile spread across her face as she looked at me trying to hide her guilt. "Seriously though, you've not gotten out hardly at all since you got here, just for work and maybe food. It'd probably do you some good to meet some of the regulars I know down there. I mean there's either that or you could start collecting a ton of cats..." she giggled at the thought of me becoming a crazy cat hoarder.

I looked towards the ceiling, staring at an old brown water stain on one of the dropped-ceiling tiles, I leaned back a bit in my chair, "Well, you've got me there. I'd rather not become known as a reclusive cat hoarder." I let out a huff filled chuckle at her suggestion, "You cover me and we've got a deal. God knows I could probably go for a drink."

Ashley jumped at my response, "Seriously!?" I could see that she wasn't expecting the response I had given her. Up until then I hadn't really wanted to mingle. I felt a little guilty that I was forcing myself into being a pariah, but it was just easier for me. Ashley seemed sincere in wanting to help me meet some of the locals though; so, I thought I'd take a stance opposite of what would be normal for me.

"Sure, you've put up with my reclusive side enough. I guess it's time I take your advice on this," I said with a shrug, "It'd probably help me get some connections here, make it feel more like home."

"Kick ass!"

I smiled at Ashley's outburst. For all her responsibilities and problems it was clear Ashley still enjoyed her free time. That was one thing that made me enjoy her company; she knew how to break away from the tunnel-vision mindset I happened to find myself in all too frequently, that all encompassing single-minded focus that I developed at times when I was trying to overcome an obstacle. She helped me find times where a break would be justifiable, and much needed. It was one of her better qualities.

We chatted a bit more, until Ashley decided to turn on the thirty year old television in the corner to watch the local news while we waited; the thing had been donated to us because it had something wrong with it and made everything have a yellow tint. I sat and stared out the window of the break room onto the employee's parking lot; it was slightly windy and I followed the dead leaves as they were blown around. I looked at the front of my truck, imagining its headlights were eyes and its grill was a little smile --it amused me for the moment. Time seemed to pass slowly as I waited, and I found my mind wanting to roll back to the previous evening again; however, I forced the thoughts out of my head. I felt myself yawn, but was able to stifle it into a deep sigh as I began to tap my foot against the floor. The buzz of the lights and loud hum of the refrigerator as it worked to keep all the other employee's things cool lulled me into quasi-wakefulness, my eyes starting to droop. Today was going to be interesting, if nothing else I tried to tell myself.

The monotony was broken when I noticed a truck come pulling up into the parking lot. I turned to look at Ashley who also had heard the vehicle and turned to peer out the window. Glancing at the clock I saw that it was eight-fifty-five, "You think this is the guy?" I asked.

"Probably," Ashley said as she stood up and straightened her clothes, stretching in the process, "You want to go see or should I."

I looked towards Ashley and back towards the window before sitting back down, "Nah let 'em come to us. We've been the ones sitting here for an hour when they were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago." My passive-aggressiveness wanted to show itself. I would be the first to admit that I could be hard-headed at times.

"Ah, so we're being assholes off the get go? Way to make friends Jason." Ashley groaned as she walked out the door to greet the vehicle's occupant.

I shrugged a bit as I stood up and begrudgingly followed Ashley out, after turning off the television that Ashley had left on and letting Chris know we were heading out. I pushed the front door open only to have it grabbed by a gust of wind and pushed the rest of the way. I grabbed it and forced it closed before I turned to look at the person that was supposed to pick us up. I had to squint due to the morning sun hitting me in the face. Ashley had already gotten to him and was being her typical chatty-Cathy self. He looked young, around my age, he had short dark hair, and he was tall but slightly bulky so it didn't look awkward; from the way he was interacting with Ashley I assumed he was somewhat friendly too.

I stuck my hands in my pocket and slinked in up next to Ashley, "This is Jason. He'll be helping today too!" I heard her say as she shook her head up and down-I always thought Ashley sometimes looked like a bobble head with how much she shook her head while she spoke, I'd never tell her that though.

"Well, you two will surely make things easier!" He said with a toothy grin. His voice was smooth, but with a bit of husky undertones; it was deep with a slight grate to it. He turned towards me and threw his hand out, "Name's Aaron, glad to see you two are interested in helping us out this morning!"

I quickly plastered a polite smile across my face and took his hand in a strong handshake, "No problem, me and Ashley are glad to help where we can!" Up close he seemed more imposing than I had first judged him to be, he had a strong brow that had a distanced look to it, like his mind was somewhere else, but there was a friendly inviting smile across his lips. It left me unsure of which emotion to trust, and I found my heartbeat increasing a bit from my rising anxiety. I found it strange that as quickly as he had presented his hand in greeting, he slipped it away even faster.

I squinted my eyes again, an attempt to block out the sun's continued glare to see his face better. I quickly noticed that his face seemed to mix emotions, as if it wasn't used to showing them and the muscles weren't able to sync up just right. As my eyes followed his jaw line I saw his eyes turn to look at me; I quickly turned, averting my gaze from his face, to look at the white truck he'd arrived in. it had a dark green Sequoia Wolf Rescue & Rehab decal on the side of the bed, a couple scratches and dings along the body -probably from ladders and stuff, I thought--, and some mud thrown up around the tires. I was uncomfortable and rocked a bit on my feet while I dug my hands deeper into my pockets --I found some pocket lint to try and keep me occupied. I felt a yawn escape me as I looked back towards Aaron's shoes; they were plain brown work boots that seemed they'd seen several years of service.

"We should probably get heading that way, I'm already running late." he said with a forced laugh, "This shouldn't take but maybe up until lunch time, so you two won't be occupied all day." I noticed that toothy grin cover his face again, this second time around it left me wondering why someone would smile like that, teeth bared so fully.

"Awesome, we were wondering how much you'd let us slack!" Ashley said as she elbowed me a bit. Being so occupied with Aaron I wasn't prepared for it and stumbled a bit. I threw an angry look at Ashley. If she noticed she didn't acknowledge it. Aaron feigned disinterest in the happenings of two strange park workers, as he slid around his truck and hopped into the driver's seat.

As Ashley opened up the passenger door he turned his head towards her. "Ah, you two will be pretty busy today. To be honest we're shorthanded for releases. Centers not got enough money to keep anymore people hired on, so we thought this'd be the next best solution." he said as he revved the engine to life. Ashley feigned a frown as she hopped in the passenger's seat; I got relegated to the back seat, the spot that never gave enough leg room for a grown man.

Aaron reached up towards the rearview mirror and my eyes were pulled towards the action; I watched as he fiddled with it a bit, that is until his eyes locked onto mine in the mirror. I quickly averted my gaze; it always unsettled me when people noticed that I was watching them, studying them --this guy seemed to notice it far quicker than most. After we all had buckled up Aaron wasted no time in getting things going; he quickly put the truck into drive and made a circle in the parking lot, most of the people had dispersed out to their area of the park by now leaving the parking lot empty. After about ten minutes, as we drove deeper down a highway that cut through the park, I heard Ashley and Aaron pick up a small conversation, I being the person I am decided to sit and watch the passing scenery, and to mull over the strange thoughts in my head. The day was still grey; I hoped it would warm up a bit.