FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Teacher's Pet Project Insert: Alexander's Post-Breakthrough Journal Entry

---

Dear Journal,

It's been an eventful few days, and this is the first time I've written anything this week. I actually only have time now, because I'm up a few hours early, and Master Mage is still asleep. He's promised me some unsupervised free time today. I'm so excited that I can't get back to sleep, so I've been catching up on my studies that I've missed because of my therapy. After I've caught up on all of the week's assignments and readings, been thinking of ways to show my appreciation for everything everyone has done for me.

It's day five of my recovery therapy, and, ever since I've moved in with Master Mage, things inside of me have been going through a major change. I've learned to open up to others; that knowledge of all kinds is important for the true understanding of magic; that a misunderstanding doesn't guarantee that you're in the right.

Master Mage has also given me so much that I thought I'd never have. Thanks to the ingenuity of him and Lucirious, the Head of the Medical Magic Department, I have received a new arm to replace my prosthetic. Can you believe it? A NEW ARM! After a night of post threesome cuddling, Master Mage forged a skeletal, metal construct for my arm; Lucirious used his mastery of the healing arts to create the muscle and skin tissues and fur; and I've been using my puppetry magic in place of a nervous system. I'm still getting used to how to properly use it, and the connecting joint in my shoulder still hurts every now and then. I learned that I need to be willing to work with others in order to make miracles happen.

Master Mage has also given me chaotic mana, which I'm still trying to properly understand. After first receiving the mana, I had a strange dream where I was on my stage and some unknown being was controlling my traps. I defeated him by accepting the mana. Since then, I've felt a strange shift in how the magical energy has been flowing inside my body. I've looked through all my text books, and there is no mention of chaotic mana. I'm wondering why Master Mage has given it to me. Maybe this is high level knowledge that only select students are allowed to even know about. That's so cool!

Yesterday was the most eventful one so far. I made my first friend here at Grandiere's since I started attending two years ago. Florian, a student who I had a fight with and injured, and I started off as enemies and rivals for Master Mage's attention, but we have become intimate friends. And it happened so fast. First Master Mage took me to apologize to him; then, we ended up in a drag contest against each other; finally, we end up in a fourway with Master Mage and Sasha, the head of the Illusionary Magic Department who gave us the stage, costumes, and space for Florian and I to express ourselves with our the drag performances. I remember waking up nestled in Flo's fit, athletic arms, afterward. We ate and got dressed before heading to my workshop with Master Mage. Flo witnessed my freak-out, and the subsequent, uncontrolled outpour of chaotic mana, and still wanted to be my friend. He even created a security garden around my workshop to prevent further vandalism. The flying fox taught me that true friends will stick by you and accept you, despite your faults and bad moments.

Then, Master Mage did something I didn't think possible: he actually helped me fix some of my problems. At first, I hated the act because he took a female form and forced me to put my wiener inside of his taco (EW!). However, he took a spiritual form and joined me inside of my psychological landscapes. After facing a torrential storm in my emotional sea, reclaiming my crumbling sense of sexuality, and realizing my cubhood trauma, I awoke in the arms of the male Master Mage I've come to know and love.

For the rest of the day, Master Mage and Flo watched with rapt attention as I worked on my puppets. I even got to improve them with their suggestions. Master Mage let Flo come back to his tower with us. We were too tired to make love, but we still cuddled naked on Master Mage's bed. I've reached the point where I can now feel the exchange of mana when I'm intimate with another mage, even for something as simple as cuddling and especially when having intercourse. When I woke up, I left the two of them to cuddle in their sleep. Flo left a little while ago to take care of his greenhouse. Before he left, he gave me a passionate kiss. From there, tongues explored, hands groped, certain male body parts hardened...and we both had a pleasant, early morning, erotic "release" of tensions into an empty glass. Flo had an idea of what I could do with our mixed seeds, and we put it in the refrigerator for later.

As I write, I'm wondering how I'm ever going to repay everyone for what they've done for me. I also realize that I don't know how to really show gratitude. Having no friends or any other intimate relationships until now, I've never shown gratitude to anyone before. I mean, I've said "thank you", but I feel that gratitude should be more than that. You can say thanks without truly meaning it. I know; I've done so many times. So, I'm left with only questions. How does one properly show gratitude? What can I do to show the true amount of gratitude that I have for everyone? Is it possible to show too much gratitude?

I have had so much done for me in the last few days. Florian has produced the beautiful security garden around my workshop, to prevent anyone from vandalizing it again. Lucirious did the research for the production of my new arm. Sasha let me have the materials and space to express myself in a way that I'm sure I never would have otherwise. Then, there is Master Mage, the man who has been my mentor and guide through it all, imparted so much to me, and allowed me to gain everything I have from my therapy thus far. I've learned the meanings of love, compassion, intimacy, friendship, and emotional support.

How, but how, do I show gratitude for all the things that I still feel that I didn't deserve in the first place? For the better half of my life, I've done nothing but show contempt, disrespect, and ingratitude to everyone I've come across; even my own parents. As capable as I am as a puppet mage, I'm an inept piece of shit when it comes to basic concepts such as the show of gratitude...FUCK!

I feel myself starting to let negativity take over. I need to meditate. Write later,

Alexander.

*****

Dear Journal,

I've just finished meditating, and, although the whirlwind of negativity has subsided, I feel no closer to answering my question of how to show my gratitude. As I wrote earlier, I know that I have so much to be thankful for. Master Mage et al have done a lot for me, whether or not they realize it. They may not see what they have done as much, but I certainly do. I guess that's the difference between those who do for others and the ones they do for. I digress.

How do I show the gratitude that I feel? Is this something done on an individual level, giving each person a memento or performing a favor in return? Make or do something with my own two paws. Give of myself--time, effort, body--to the one-by-one to the men who have done so for me. Is it done all at once, at a party or gathering, and over in one, well-intended gesture? Plan a get together. Pay for the happening. Would either be enough to do my gratitude justice?

There is so much I do not know about this; so many questions that I need to figure out. Is time a factor? Is money? Material? Sex? Can you show too much gratitude? When I was alone, I thought I understood everything, but, having intimately bonded with everyone, I've found that there is so much that I don't understand. It makes sense because I've never done anything for anyone to be grateful to me. Therefore, I don't know what it's like to be appreciated.

I just had a thought. Since I have no experience doing anything to be appreciated for, I should think about what has been done for me. I feel that these things are huge, but, chances are, that Master Mage, Lucirious, Sasha, and Flo do not. They see them as small shows of friendship and love. Maybe, just maybe, that is the approach I need to take for my show of gratitude. I mean, the only way for me to truly learn how to show gratitude is to try, right?

I have a karakuri that I've been working on. I can fashion it with a tank and irrigation system and give it to Flo to use for watering his plants. Lucirious and Sasha must be busy, being department heads. I can ask Master Mage if I can help them in anyway. As for Master Mage, I don't know what I could do for all the little things he's done for me. I think I'll start with breakfast. I'm sure I can fix something worthy of his palate. And I can use Flo's idea for the semen we put in the fridge.

I better get cracking. Master Mage will be awake soon, and I don't want to spoil the surprise. Write later,

Alexander