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Chapter 11

Sora: Peace

To think rain is an evil force of nature would be like hating nature. To think death is evil would be like hating death. Most furs encourage death to those who "deserve it" like Aldolphin Hittlier; most people don't even realize that there are others who love them. Furs who commit terrible crimes should be punished but is death an answer? I loved Kaleb with all my heart and I feel like it is leaving me through my mouth. As much as I loved him there are furs that hated him and are glad he is no more, so should I be sad? Nothing seems the same, nothing tastes the same, and nothing even looks the same. Happy beautiful days are torturous saddening days with him. Flowers are blooming and new life is spreading throughout the land causing the old and unfit for life to die and fade away. Was there nothing I could have done, truly? I keep replaying the scenario in my head with "if I did this" or "what if I do this".

I lay here on my bed now starring up at the tan ceiling. The blades on the fan rotate a circular motion going clock wise. It looked like a clock that I could stop and rewind. Extending my arm in front of me I hold it out as if I was expecting someone to try and grab it. As Kaleb's funeral came rolling up I tried to kill myself. The pain of seeing him laying there, not moving an inch; hoping that he'd wake up and ask me for my amazing breakfast. As the thought of breakfast arrived my stomach growled but I just ignored it. If Kaleb couldn't eat why should I?

Today was dark and gloomy just as I preferred. I got up and walked into the living room. I pulled a black recliner to the window on the far right side of the apartment. As I sat down I pulled the blind open and stared out at the traffic. The cars in distance looked like ants scurrying to their destination. I took a glance behind me to see many shades of black covering the sofa. I shot my head back at the window because I could feel the tears starting to form. I refused to sit on the couch it led too many memories run rampant through my head. Looking out the window I glanced at the park. I never noticed it before but that placed brought too much pain, it stood out in the dark. I quickly stood up and backed away slowly as if the park could chase after me at any moment. When I backed up I tripped over the chair and fell to the ground. I started to feel light headed and drowsy. On the floor it felt better, getting back up was too much stress on my body. I laid there on the floor till' I fell asleep.

As the dreaming process took off memories and wishes collided. I was back at the park heading to get my soda. I froze in one spot and looked around. When I realized what was going to happen I quickly turned around and to see a man approaching Kaleb from behind. I screamed Kaleb's name as loud as I could hoping to get his attention. But ominously he looked forward staring perfectly straight into an abyss. The lighting changed and the sky had a crack in it and a green light filled the sky. Looking back at the man in the shadows was disturbing because he was staring back at me. Kaleb's head slowly turned to face me. His stare so blank and cold. His neck began to form blood and his eyes turning pure white. Before I could understand what was happening Kaleb's head rolled off his shoulders and plopped on the ground. The head stopped at my feet and look up. I screamed but nothing was coming from my mouth. I could hear my heart beating inside my chest as it began to talk.

"You will never get over me! I am gone from your touch but I am not, for I will always haunt you."

The shadow started to laugh incredibly fast and I woke to find myself screaming his name. "KALEB!!" My alarm clock was buzzing in my room. I must have slept the whole day. I get up from the floor and prepare for a shower. Today was a day that will haunt me for eternity. Today is Kaleb's funeral. The hot steamy water soaks through my fur and warms my chilly bones up. They say the mind has most of its ideas come from the shower and that it did. I was supposed to prepare something to say at the funeral today. I was so mopped up in my depression that I couldn't write my love a final good bye. I guess that I'll have to make something up. It's the least I could so for him.

The spring air was nature on her monthly. The feeling of the sticky hot and cold air made my fur puff up. As I got in my car I could feel where his paws used to go on the steering wheel, so I grasped the area as hard as I could. I took a deep breath and started the car up. The drive was long and hard, it felt as if I had a test I didn't for. The anticipation was building and making me want to go back home where I could sulk in peace. Within a reasonable drive time I reach the cemetery. Furs were surrounding a burial site and I could see my mom and dad and Kaleb's mom. I parked the car near my parents and dragged myself over to the grave. When Kaleb's mother turned around to see me I broke down into tears. Every droplet of water that fell from my face was like a whip to my back. It hurt too much to cry those tears.

The heartfelt process began with a prayer. One by one furs gave a small speech or piece to share about Kaleb before it was my turn. I went last, knowing that mine would be the hardest to get through. I walked up next to Kaleb's grave and touched his forehead with a smile. I tuned to look at the crowd of furs and began my speech:

"I knew Kaleb for four years until two terrible days ago. In that very short time he became my friend, my best friend, my boyfriend,....my lover. He holds a spot so deep in my heart that this moment right now is yanking at the roots. I remember one of the first days if school when Kaleb sat next to me in class and our teacher was picking on me and Kaleb defended me. The teacher said that if anyone sat next t me that they were a princess. Kaleb look at him straight in the eye and said that he'll gladly be a princess. In that moment our friendship became the most important thing to me. When Kaleb was hurt by his father and emitted into the hospital I was there by his side. We had our terrible fight, but nothing came between my feelings for him. That night in the hospital as I was leaving Kaleb grabbed me by the shoulder and kissed me. Our first kiss, my first kiss, was the lighter to out ignition. Kaleb told me three words that he said to me again in his final moment. I....love.....you." I broke down into tears, a river flowed down my face and began to choke on my words. Everything I said felt like I was eating a rock. "My lover left me with one thing that I now have. And that is....a clear mind." I walked over to my seat and watched my mate slowly be put down in the ground.

That evening when I got home I went directly to the chair near the window. I sat down and covered up in a warm blanket. The clouds it the sky started to break up and a ray of sunshine hit my face where a tear was. I started thinking that I will always miss Kaleb but he wouldn't want me to suffer. It will be a while before I can function again and I'll never get over him, but I know one thing that can pull me through the darkness and it is what Kaleb gave to me. Love.

I love you Kaleb, forever and always.....

Fin