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In the month that followed, I practiced keeping my emotions in check. My eighteenth birthday came and went with little fanfare. Sam tried to bake me a cake and though it didn't go well, I still appreciated his effort. Many of our daily practice sessions were spent trying to perform a controlled transformation while our afternoons involved meditation. Sam told me the mental practice helped to keep a calm mind under stress. At the very least, it was relaxing after trying to consistently transform. The lessons were not about holding intense emotions back. Attempting to do so would have been akin to using only your hands to try to hold back the waters of a river. It was more an exercise in control over the base desires and impulses that drive animal instinct.

By this time, I had learned how to force myself to revert back to normal if control started slipping away, however, it required a lot of concentration to prevent my id from taking over. All of this was done under Sam's watchful eye and I hadn't yet taken the next step into a truly stressful situation. Showing self-restraint when in a state of heightened emotion would be the real test; a test that I was continually reminded would be coming soon.

I sat at the table in Sam's kitchen with a glass of orange juice in front of me. Jonas was cooking pancakes for us. Sam entered the room in a flannel bath robe, a sight that had become relatively common the longer I had stayed there. The robe was open above the belt, revealing that hairy torso I admired so much. Part of me wondered if he was dressing that way on purpose. Sam tossed a small metal ball in the air casually as he stood near Jonas by the stove. He was also wearing a pair of white bunny slippers.

"Hey, Mal," he said. "Think fast!"

He tossed the shining object at me and I caught it with little difficulty.

"What's this?" I asked, turning the rough ball over in my hand.

"A silver pellet."

I immediately dropped the ball onto the table as fear and surprise came upon me. Sam laughed heartily from across the room. He picked up the object and held it in his palm.

"It won't bite, see?" he said.

There was no smoke, no sizzling sound, and no smell of burning flesh. I gingerly took the ball from him.

"It won't hurt you, Mal," Sam said. "Us loup don't have an aversion to normal things."

"So silver bullets won't kill us?" I asked.

The look in Sam's eyes turned sour.

"Any bullet could kill you if aimed right."

I gulped.

"Think of yer wolf form as a big bear, yeah?" He continued. "A normal bullet can kill a bear, but you gotta shoot 'im in just the right spots."

As he spoke, Sam made a gun with his fingers and pointed it towards one of my eyes, moving it slowly down to point at my heart. A shiver darted up my spine as he did.

"We don't get no supernatural concessions or second chances when it comes to guns, boy. Remember that."

I nodded. Sam sat down in the chair across from me and Jonas served us breakfast. Afterward, Sam took me outside to resume practicing. We continued the regimen into the evening, taking a short break for lunch. I had spent lunch and most of the afternoon lounging about in full transformation, casually reverting each one of my limbs one by one in succession. Sam was always nearby, ready to pounce at a moment's notice. He had been consistently surprised at how easy control seemed to be for me. I was sitting in one of the chairs on the porch with Sam nearby as the sun sank beneath the trees. It threw red streaks across the sky with each inch that it descended. My nose had been shoved in a book as I repeatedly transformed, but I put it down when the dusky light grew too dark to read by. Jonas lit a bonfire and the sight reminded me of that first night when Sam saved me from the monster that snuck into my window. Jonas left the fire pit after the flames climbed the pile of wood and approached my chair. I was gazing at the fire when I suddenly felt hands on my legs, rubbing upward through my fur. I snapped my head back to see Jonas kneeling in front of the chair and smiling at me.

"What-?" I tried to ask, but my breath caught in my throat.

"You've gotta be tested somehow," Sam said from his seat nearby. "I don't trust myself so Jonas volunteered."

The thought that Sam had even considered touching me like Jonas had made my heart flutter in my chest. I quickly resumed my internal mantra of focus, keeping my beating heart as regular as I could.

"Um... ok," I said.

"Try to relax," Jonas said. "You've known me all your life."

I gulped as his hands moved upward towards my fuzzy crotch.

"That's why this is kind of awkward. Isn't it weird for you?"

Jonas chuckled.

"I'm a one hundred and three year-old changeling. When you've lived as long as I have and seen the things that I've seen, weirdness tends to not bother you anymore."

He had a point and besides, what I had said was only partly true. I found both of the men I had been living with very attractive. I did prefer Sam, but Jonas was still extremely handsome. He didn't have Sam's broad build, but he was still fit... and deliciously hairy. His green eyes seemed to sparkle in the fire light as his firm hands massaged my thighs. I had to admit, it was a nice feeling.

"Should I change back?" I asked.

"No. I like you like this," he replied.

Jonas laid his head on my furry stomach, his hands still running up and down my powerful thighs. I placed my right hand on his head and gently rubbed it. It was currently my only human limb. I figured that if I could keep one part of me human throughout the experience, then I was less likely to go berserk. One of Jonas's hands reached up to slowly stroke my chest. It was easy to be aroused by his affection and my penis quickly reacted to his sensual touch. I heard Sam awkwardly adjust himself nearby, but I didn't take my eyes off of Jonas. His hot breath rolled over my length as it throbbed against his shoulder. So far, my id hadn't even made a peep inside of my mind. I made the next move, pulling Jonas up onto me as my fuzzy lips pressed against his. Our tongues wound around each other as I held him to me, my erection pulsing against the stiffening bulge in the crotch of his jeans. I groaned into his mouth as I tasted him. It was a wonderful kiss.

Jonas pulled his mouth away from mine and grinned as he sat up on my lap. He pulled off his shirt, revealing his muscled, fuzzy chest. I reached up and ran my human fingers through his chest hair while he unbuttoned his jeans. My wolf arm yanked his pants off and tossed them aside. His length fell against mine and he gripped both, thrusting himself against me through his fist. I panted; my tongue hanging from my mouth as our lengths ground against each other. Sam was next to us suddenly. His own erection tended his briefs and the damp tip peaked from the folds in his robe. He passed a bottle to Jonas's free hand.

"You gonna be OK if he loses it?" Sam asked.

Jonas nodded.

"I have a few tricks up my sleeve that neither of you know about. I'll be fine."

Sam smirked and quickly turned on his heel, vanishing inside of the house. Jonas unscrewed the top of the bottle Sam had given him and drizzled the clear liquid on our throbbing dicks. He resumed thrusting through his slick fist, making me whine in pleasure. Sam disappeared again to whatever he had been doing. Jonas switched hands, dipping his more slippery hand under my balls and against my clenching hole. I hissed and snarled slightly as his fingers slid inside. My tail twitched as they sank deeper and the tips of his two digits found my spot. A loud moan escaped my throat and my length squirted pre-cum onto my stomach. Jonas stood up from my lap, sliding his slick fingers out of me. He poured more lubricant onto his hand and smeared it over himself as he stood between my spread legs. He gently lifted my legs, positioning the tip of his erection at my quivering entrance.

"You ready?" He asked.

So far, I had no trouble. I nodded.

He pushed inside and I gasped. I felt every inch of him slipping passed my clenching ring until his balls pressed up against my tail. Jonas leaned down and pressed his chest against mine. I felt my human arm transforming as he did and I wrapped both of my lupine arms around him. He kissed me again and my dick pulsed against his hairy belly. My panting tongue writhed in his mouth and I whimpered through the kiss as he started to move. Now my id came alive. It sent images of carnal lust and feeding whirling through my mind. I concentrated on who it was inside of me. Jonas was my friend; my mentor. I couldn't hurt him. He slid out and pushed back inside my warm hole. I broke the kiss and groaned.

"Please... harder," I said.

Jonas obliged, picking up his pace. I grunted and panted in pleasure as my length bounced against my furry stomach. It squirted pre-cum onto my fur.

"Y-yes!" I gasped.

My dick throbbed harder, swelling as my nuts pulled up tight to the base of my sheath. Jonas kept up his pace and I gritted my teeth, holding back the imminent climax. I wanted to climax with him. His ragged breath blew past my ear as he fucked me. I clenched around him and he dug his fingers into my fur.

"Mal, I-I'm close..." he whispered.

"F-fill me!" I moaned.

He dominantly bit my neck as he hilted in me. The tornado of violent, carnal desires spun faster in my mind. My balls quivered and my dick jumped on my belly. I howled as my essence fired from me, striking our chests and dripping down our bodies. I felt his warmth spreading inside of me and my erection erupted spurt after spurt of my thick semen. My whole body shuddered as fireworks went off in my mind. My id's cyclone of blood lust was overcome by the intense pleasure of the orgasm. Jonas throbbed inside of me, his climax had long since subsided while mine just started to ebb. We were both covered in my jizz. I panted under him and he released my neck, kissing me on the nose. He gently slipped out of me, leaving an empty feeling in my rear.

"Good job, Mal," Jonas said.

He tousled the fur on my head as I shifted back to my human form.

"Let's get cleaned up," he continued.

Jonas and I went upstairs to the bathroom, trying to drip as little semen onto the floor as possible. Sam was nowhere to be seen in the house as we moved through it. The warm water of the shower felt good and we scrubbed each others' backs in turn. Jonas seemed to take extra time to soap up my rear. When we rinsed, we held each other for a while in the cascade of hot water. It was the first time since my parents had been alive that I had felt genuine, non-sexual affection. I basked in the feeling for a long while as the water flowed over us. Did I love Jonas? I didn't know at the time. Thinking back, probably not. I merely latched on to the affection he showed me as any lonely person would have. I nestled my head into his chest. I pressed my groin against his. He reached past me and turned off the water. Then he rested his chin on my head and rubbed my back for a long while as we dripped dry. Jonas chuckled.

"I'm glad you're ok with this," he said. "Truth is, even though what we just shared means nothing, you've grown into a fine young man."

His words were like a punch in the gut. His affection meant nothing. It was just a test of my abilities to him, nothing else.

"Th-thanks..." I said, hoping my disappointment wasn't noticeable.

We returned downstairs to see Sam sitting at the kitchen table. He had made dinner while we showered and the places were already set. Jonas took the seat next to him while I sat across the table. Sam smelled like semen. He must have known we could smell it. Maybe he thought he had cleaned himself up well enough. Sam raised his glass before we could start eating.

"You did good, boy," he said. "You've definitely got a loup's tenacity, but I've never seen someone learn control as fast as you."

"Thanks, Sam."

Our glasses clinked together and we devoured the meal. Afterward, I helped Jonas with the dishes while Sam stayed in his seat at the table.

"Mal, do you have anyone other than the cult who might be looking for you? Your family or friends, maybe?" Sam asked.

He had no way of knowing my parents were dead. I could have told him about their murder. I could have told him how I would push my emotions down inside of me every time my uncle went on a drunken rampage. I could have told him how I was distant to even the one person that I called a friend. Control, or at least shoving emotion aside was second nature to me by that point. The wolf was just another aspect of myself that I could deal with as I had everything else in my young life. Don't show your true self to the world. Keep it locked away until you really need it; until you find someone worth sharing it with.

I thought Sam was that someone.

"No," I said.

"That's for the best, I suppose."

Sam lit one of his cigars and leaned back in his chair. I sat down next to him as Jonas dried the last few plates and utensils.

"Sam, why is it so difficult for you?"

"Restraint ain't that hard," he said. "Keepin' myself together under duress is what's tough. Maybe it's because I'm a lowly half-breed, who knows?"

"Maybe you just haven't found the right person..."

He interrupted me.

"Look, I appreciate the sentiment, but I ain't about to put you or anyone else I like at risk just to sate my primal urges."

"Do you go berserk when you jerk off?" Jonas butted in.

Sam's face turned beat red under the light of the kitchen.

"We can smell the residue on you, Sam," Jonas continued. "But the house isn't trashed or anything so you must not have changed at all."

"Doin' it with someone else is entirely different!" Sam exclaimed.

We were silent for a few moments. I looked at the table in front of me, unsure of what to say. It was nice of Jonas to try to help me out, but he might have taken it a bit too far. Nevertheless, he kept going.

"You're not the same person you were years ago, you know?" He said. "You've grown up and gotten better at controlling your urges even if you're not aware of it-"

"Enough!" Sam yelled.

He angrily stood up and marched out of the room, huffing on his cigar as he went. Jonas sighed and shrugged at me. I followed the angry loup into the living room where he threw himself into the armchair near the fireplace. Smoke left his nose in a large cloud much like a provoked bull from a goofy comic strip. I stood in the doorway and watched him for a while as he fidgeted in the chair.

"What?" He asked eventually.

"I... I know it's difficult," I said. "But I also know that you wouldn't hurt me. If you want to try, you know where my room is. I won't say no."

His eyes darted downward from my face and he snorted. I stepped back into the hall and informed Jonas that I was going to bed. The staircase seemed longer than usual. I highly doubted that Sam would take my offer. It was ironic that I had thought of him as so strong when I first met him. Knowing that there was something he in fact feared made it easier to relate to him, but it also left me with a heavy, sad feeling in my mind. I had done all I could. It was up to him to make the next move now.

The room that I had lived in for a the previous month was a bit of a mess. Dirty laundry lay strewn about the floor and I tossed what I was currently wearing down with the rest of it. The window and mattress had long since been repaired. I let myself go. My grey fur emerged from my skin and my body grew in size. The initial pain of transforming was no longer a problem as my body had become used to it. I admired myself in the mirror of my bathroom. I looked damn good as a muscle bound wolf man. My bed was a lot smaller than when I was human, but I managed to fit in it. There was no telling how much time had passed as I tried to fall asleep. My mind was still racing with questions about Sam and whether or not he would actually take my offer.

My heart skipped a beat as I heard a soft knock on my closed bedroom door.