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Witness Ye All The Strange And Singular Tale Of

BARTLEBY'S DESCENT

by Alex Reynard

(bi, yiff, cubs, incest, vore, snuffie, spanking, lord knows what else...)

***

Author's Note:

Okay, this story is probly gonna piss some people off, but I'm okay with that.

First off, I just want to clarify that what happens here is not what I truly believe is the reality of the hereafter. It's not even speculation. It's just a "What if", like those Elseworlds comic books where all sorts of crazy shit routinely happens to Batman. I fully appreciate that some of you might be a little uncomfortable with the religion-y aspects of this, but please, keep in mind this is only a fantasy story. Don't go burning me at the stake.

I've had the rawest, most basic idea for a story like this for a long time now. It came to me while I was looking through a bunch of Chick pamphlets. You know; those tiny little uberChristian horizontal comic books that are easily as amusing as they are scary? In those things, God's always portrayed as a fifty-foot tall dude with no face who sits on this humongous stone throne all day tossin' people into the lake of fire. Now, I think most reasonable people would choose to believe God's a bit less terrifying. However, the blood-curdling thought occurred to me; what if Jack T. Chick is right? Out of all the religious prophets the world over, all of them espousing 'The Truth', what if this lone, mean-spirited bastard's view of the afterlife is the one that's really real!? What would that mean for the rest of creation? The foundation of this story was laid that night as I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, and sweating a lot.

Mostly, the reason for this thing actually getting written is simply that, after I wrote "Sweetiepie's Ending", I realized that I really, really liked Razielphustar as a character, and I wanted to do something more with him. Something fun and strange. Something that would allow me to throw out all sorts of insane ideas with wild abandon.

Then, I sort of got an idea for a main character. But it wasn't until a good friend of mine did a loose sketch of him - which was so perfect, it looked even more like him than I'd ever imagined him myself - that the final spark was ignited, and I sat down to type.

FAIR WARNING IS HERE GIVEN: This story contains pretty much every single fetish I could possibly think of, all mixed up together in a sort of deleriously perverted salad. There will probably be at least one section here you won't like. But I've done my best to avoid long, graphic descriptions of anything in particular, so hopefully if you see anything that squicks you, you can skim through it relatively easily. And with any luck, you might even come across a fetish you'd never even considered liking before, but find yourself strangely drawn to. If anyone's horizons are expanded from reading this, I will feel immeasurably proud.

Also, while I was writing, I cast some various real people as different characters and imagined their voices to help me 'hear' their characters' dialogue better. Some of the names that popped up were Johnny Depp, Mel Brooks, Tina Fey and Ellen DeGeneres. See if you can guess who they're supposed to be.

So, keeping in mind that this is nothing more than a madness-fueled flight of fancy, I ask you all to cast your eyes downward to the pit, where the latest addition to the damned is about to make his not-so-graceful first appearance...

(And... "Nonev"; noun. Slang for 'non-evolved'. How furries refer to wild animals or their ancestors.)

* * * * *

-CHAPTER ONE-

"Ouch!"

Bartleby fell from seemingly out of nowhere and landed hard on his tush on the floor of the red, red room.

He grumbled a bit to himself and rubbed his sore posterior. He groaned. The little grey bat felt like he did when he'd gotten a bad night's sleep and ended it by accidentally falling off his perch in the morning.

He was a slim young bat. His huge ears and flop of bushy hair made him look taler than he really was, but not by too much. His fur was the color of duct tape, but considerably fluffier. His eyes were dark brown, his wings wide and adequate to the task of keeping him airborne when he wanted. On his face was a common feature among bats; a noseleaf. A facial structure looking like a cross between a piggy snout and a tall tropical leaf.

He opened his eyes finally and was utterly confused at where he now found himself.

It was the color red made solid, then hewn into a cube. The brightest, shiniest, most quintessential shade of red he'd ever seen. The room itself was completely featureless; just four walls, a floor and a ceiling. There wasn't anything else in the little room but him. Not even a light source, which was pretty weird since the red room was so brightly lit.

Bartleby looked up and saw only unbroken ceiling. No holes, no trap doors. How had he fallen into the room then? Had the whole roof of the place lifted off? Was it a hologram, maybe?

He spread his wings and felt around the floor. Perfectly smooth, like glass, but with the texture of hard plastic. He knocked, and it felt solid as diamond.

And to top it all off, he was butt naked. He was wearing nothing more than his fuzzy grey fur. "What the hell...?" he said softly, his confusion changing rapidly to worry. Soon it wuld be outright fear.

The last thing he remembered was...

He shook his head.

Well, in any case, he should have been waking up in the hospital instead of a place like this.

A really horrible thought occurred to him just then. Maybe he hadn't been taken to a hospital at all. Because there was no reason to. Because he'd been...

No, that was ridiculous.

The young bat took a deep breath and tried to figure everything out. He reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes, and felt two strange, pointy objects growing out of his skull.

"Oh shit."

Those were _not_ horns! Oh crap, those could not be horns!!

"Oh _shit_!"

Bartleby looked like he'd just been dipped in liquid nitrogen. It was true. He was dead. And he'd been sent *here*. The hot place. H-E-double-hockey-sticks. Where bad people went. That meant he was a bad boy.

Bartleby drew himself up into a ball. He stared straight ahead, and his fur trembled.

No. He hadn't meant to. This wasn't fair. He knew he wasn't really a bad boy. He hadn't meant to. But it was his own fault. What he'd done was horrible. He did deserve to go to hell. He knew he really was...

Hot tears filled his eyes, and the small, frail young bat began to weep harder than he had since infancy.

***

Being promoted to Arch-Hellguardian really didn't mean much in terms of extra duties or rewards, but it was a nice little feather in his cap nonetheless. It meant he'd been doing a good enough job that his higher-ups ('or was that lower-downs?' he thought with a cocky grin) had noticed and decided to give him a little pat on the back.

Razielphustar Mephrpholovontastico smiled dashingly at himself in his ornate sixteenth-century full-length mirror. He had on his usual work clothes:

Brand new, top of the line, jet black wolf-leather vest.

Tight 'n shiny silk trousers, also black.

Big ol' snazzy vaudeville-magician-style top hat, also black.

Nametag.

And a loose-fitting red T-shirt that almost perfectly matched his candy-apple fur.

The squirreldemon was stylin', and he knew it. He gave his tiny, vestigial wings a happy flap.

"Another day, another thousand souls..." he quipped smartly as he strutted out the door.

***

Curled up on his side like a tiny grey donut, Bartleby shivered with sobs.

He hated himself. Utterly and completely. He hoped whoever had sent him here would just come in and start torturing him and get it over with.

What would they do to him? Back when he'd still been going to sunday school, he'd seen horrifying illustrations in books of what happened to people who were sent to Hell. They were thrown into a lake of fire, where they would burn forever in searing agony. Or they would be scourged with whips. Or disembowled and left in the sun. Or eaten alive by monstrous creatures.

Or maybe this was his punishment right here? Eternity in this tiny room, all alone. He wondered how long it'd take him to go totally nutzoid, if that was the case.

For now though, the uncertainty was by far the worst torture of all. Simply because it made it so easy for his imagination to dredge up the most awful things it could conjure.

***

Reaching within the infinite, swirling void he concealed beneath his vest, Razielphustar brought out his enormous cosmic clipboard. It was crammed so full it was shedding papers like dog hair. Razielphustar was only concerned with the current top sheet though. That was where all his new assignments showed up; sent forth from the dispatch office.

He stroked his chinfur and tasted his latest subject's name.

"Hmmm... Bartleby Fletch..."

He gazed down the list at all the young boy's supposed 'sins'. It was the usual lot of completely harmless mischief that all kids got into. Shoplifted a candy bar when he was four. Occasional scuffle with a sibling. Slightly lower-than-average swearometer count for his age. Nothing all that bad, really...

Oh, wait. There it was. The big sin. The one HE could never forgive.

"You rotten bastard," the Hellguardian muttered under his breath. He had no idea if God could hear him way down here, but he hoped so.

He sighed. Time to get started.

***

Bartleby didn't even hear the door open, but his extraordinary chirpoteran ears caught a single soft footfall.

He was sitting up in an instant. His eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open in a silent scream at the... Thing that was now in the room with him.

It looked sort of like a squirrel. But it had fur the color of freshly pumped blood, with hands and feet as black as coal. There were two small, batlike wings growing out of its back. It was dressed in a truly bizarre costume, like a clown from... Well, obviously.

But Bartleby's fear turned to confusion when he saw how the monster was looking at him. Its expression was perfectly calm. Its eyes were kind and compassionate.

The monster took a small step forward.

Bartleby let out a choked squeak and pushed himself back up against the wall.

"Now, now. Hush, little one. Calm down. I'm not going to hurt you."

The boy gazed up in bewilderment. Its voice... It was the most gentle, comforting voice he had ever heard. A very light accent, nothing he could place. Extremely sincere.

"Are you Bartleby?" the monster asked.

The little bat gulped. He nodded.

The squirrel/demon/thing took another tiny step closer, then knelt down on the floor. "I'm sorry if I scare you. I don't mean to."

Now that he was closer, Bartleby could see the creature's eyes. They flickered like fire. Dancing, shifting oranges and yellows. He also had a regular rodent's buckteeth, not fangs. And he even had a tiny little stripe of a goatee.

"I've come to welcome you, little one," it said.

"W-welcome me? To Hell? That's where I am, right?" Bartleby asked haltingly.

The creature nodded. "Indeed. As you may have noticed, you're sporting a fine pair of horns at the moment. If you don't like them, I can get rid of them for you."

Bartleby reached up to touch the blunt little points. They felt like hardened wax. "Uh... Will it hurt?"

"Not at all!" the demon immediately assured. "Come here for a moment. I'll show you."

Whoever this was, he did sound nice, Bartleby thought. And now that the initial shock was over, he didn't look quite as scary either. Actually, he looked sort of like some strange comic-book villain; the kind that's more funny than fearful.

Bartleby crawled forward and knelt in front of the demon. He flinched when the creature raised its clawed paws up to his head.

"There now, this will just take a second..."

With two tiny pops, Bartleby's horns came off just like suction cups. The demon held them out to him. "See? All better!"

Bartleby could not believe the two little red lumps in the demon's black paw had really been growing out of his head a moment ago.

The demon smiled pleasantly. Then he abruptly tossed the two little horns in his mouth and chewed them up. "Mmmm! Freshly harvested horns taste just like candy!"

Bartleby gawked in disbelief. "Who are you?"

The demon grinned. He leaned closer and indicated the nametag he was wearing. It looked just like what those guys at the supermarket wore. 'Hi!' My Name Is: RAZIELPHUSTAR'

"Ray-zee-el-foo-star?" Bartleby guessed.

"Close, very close!" the Hellguardian praised. 'And, how just about everyone says it the first time,' he thought wryly to himself. He corrected the boy. "Rayz-ay-ELL-phuss-tar," he enunciated, sounding half like a growl, half like a tape being played backwards.

"Raiz-ay-ELL-phuss-tar," Bartleby attempted.

The demon was actually rather impressed. "Not bad! Not bad at all! That's definitely worth a cookie." With a magician's flourish, he made a chocolate-chip cookie appear betwixt his thumb and index finger.

Bartleby looked almost as startled as when Razielphustar had first walked in. "For me...?" he asked shakily.

"Sure is," said the squirreldemon.

The trembling little grey bat took it in his thumbclaws. He took a very small nibble. It was quite tasty. He finished it off quickly, and suddenly a wave of immense sadness welled up within him. Tears came to his eyes again and he burst out in sobs.

Razielphustar immediately put his arms around the boy, patting him gently on the back. "Goodness, my cooking isn't that bad, is it?"

Bartleby looked up at him and managed a tiny, soft smile, before burying his face in the squirreldemon's shoulder. Tracks of the boy's tears ran down the shiny wolf-leather.

"I know you're frightened right now," Razielphustar whispered in Bartleby's ear. "But it's all okay. Everything's okay. You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you, and no one else will either. It's okay. Cry as much as you need to, little one." He placed a tiny kiss on top of the boy's head.

Bartleby shuddered all over. He had envisioned many, many things that might happen to him in this place, but kindness was not among them. He had no idea how to respond to this.

"Hush, sweet one. You're a good boy."

Muffled and hurt, Bartleby said, "No I'm not."

Razielphustar looked concerned. "Whyever would you say that?"

"I got sent here, didn't I?"

The demon clucked his tongue. "Tut. That means nothing. There is much you do not know about this realm, and mountains of lies you must soon unlearn. Make no mistake, we are indeed in Hell. But everything you have ever heard about this place is untrue."

"But aren't I supposed to get punished?" the little bat asked.

"Do you think you should be?" the demon returned.

"Yes," Bartleby said firmly. "I was bad. Aren't you supposed to have a list of all the bad things I've done?"

"There aren't a lot of 'supposed to's down here, but that does happen to be one of them. If you'll allow me..." Razielphustar gently broke their hug, but kept one arm still around the sniffling little bat's shoulders. He dug deep in his vest pocket and extracted the clipboard again.

It was the biggest one Bartleby had ever seen. "Wow. Is all of that mine?" he asked, sounding mortified.

Razielphustar chuckled. "Heavens no! Just the top few sheets. You're just a wee lad. You'd have to be outrageously bad to have filled this many pages." His tone assured that that was nowhere near the case.

"So how bad was I?"

"Not very, comparatively," Razielphustar said as he riffled through the papers. "The usual little boy naughtiness. A few fights, a few minor thefts. Nothing spectacular. You did manage to say 'fuck' 892,936 times though. Just a hundred and seven thousand more times and you'll hit a million!"

"There's no way I said 'fuck' that much!" Bartleby protested.

"You just said it now. And that makes 892,937."

"Aw, crud."

Razielphustar chuckled good-naturedly. "Oh, relax. That's not something we care about down here. That's just HIS rules, and all of us netherfolk hold them in the deepest contempt."

"_HIS_ rules? Whose?"

Razielphustar pointed up. "God's. That uptight, puritanical pinhead. He makes the rules, keeps the records, then sends you down here for us to deal with."

Such blasphemous talk made Bartleby uncomfortable. "Um... You shouldn't say stuff like that about God..."

For the first time, Razielphustar looked angry. Not just angry; flat-out pissed. But not at Bartleby though. He flicked the clipboard out of existence and put both paws on the boy's shoulders. "Bartleby, there is much you need to learn and just as much you need to unlearn. Some of it will be hard to believe and some of it will be nearly *impossible* to believe. But the most important thing you must accept right now is that God does not, and never has, loved you. He cares about as much for you, or for any of HIS creations, as you care about what you create in the bathroom."

The young bat had never heard anything so shocking. "What?!?"

The squirreldemon's expression softened, and he gave Bartleby another small hug. "I'll explain it in greater detail later, but I swear to you it is the truth. Once upon a time, long, long before even I was born, God was kind and fair and ruled HIS universe wisely. However, have you ever heard the saying, 'power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely'?"

Bartleby nodded. He'd heard his teacher say that once.

Razielphustar gazed deeply into the little bat's eyes. "Then imagine *infinite* power. And imagine it corrupting *infinitely*."

Bartleby felt like ice water had been poured over his heart.

His eyes shut tight in sadness and melancholy rage, Razielphustar pressed the boy close to him. He softly ran his fingers through the little bat's fluffy, uncombable hair. "But you don't have to worry, little one. HE has no power here. It was his greatest mistake. HE cannot wield even an ounce of his nearly-endless power within this realm. You are safe, Bartleby. I promise you, you are safe."

Poor Bartleby had never been so confused in all his life. He had no idea what to say. But he did know that he didn't mind being hugged by this strange and not-very-scary-at-all demon. It was actually one of the most gentle hugs he could remember. And it did make him feel safe.

"We have much to discuss, sweet young bat, and this floor is hard and uncomfortable. I am an Arch-Hellguardian, and my duty is to welcome you and show you to your room. Shall I take you to where you'll be staying from now on?"

Bartleby shyly nodded. "Okay, I guess."

To Bartleby's surprise, Razielphustar picked him up as if he weighed no more than a feather, never breaking his gentle hug. He nuzzled the boy tenderly on the cheek. "Off we go then. I think you'll like it."

The far wall of the red room began to warp before their eyes, forming a doorway that opened outwards like an immense living orifice. Beyond it was a swirling black whirlpool, glistening with sprinkled starlight and eternally silent.

"I'm scared..." Bartleby whispered.

Razielphustar chuckled. "Of that? Tsk. It's nothing. It's just like an elevator."

With that, he shifted the little bat to rest within the crook of his left arm and strode confidently through the doorway. The warm blackness enveloped them. And to Bartleby's surprise, it was no scarier than the darkness he saw when he closed his eyes.

There was a short 'vwoomp', and they had reached their destination.

"See, that wasn't so bad, now was it?"

* * * * *

-CHAPTER TWO-

When Bartleby dared to look again, he received yet another shock. But this time it was entirely a pleasant one.

Razielphustar let the speechless boy down from his arms to stand for the first time in his new bedroom. But this room was perfectly familiar to Bartleby nonetheless.

As all children do sometimes, Bartleby had once sat down and tried to imagine his most perfect fantasy bedroom. It would have to be small and cozy, since Bartleby did not like big, open rooms much. There would have to be a comfy bed, plus a perch, so he could choose whichever one he felt like using at night. There would have to be lots of shelves for his toys, and even more shelves for his books and comics. There would be a small magic refrigerator that would contain every kind of food in the world, all available at the touch of a button. There would be a special computer on his desk that would be the fastest in the world, and would have infinite hard drive space. There would be a smooth wood floor for racing his toy cars across, and no tiny spaces for them to get stuck under either. And it all had to be in a cave. A warm, dim, dry, stony cave, with red rock walls.

This room was his fantasy made real.

Exactly as he had pictured it, and even better. As Bartleby looked around the warmly-lit little ovoid room, his mouth hung open in giddy amazement. Everything he'd ever owned was stacked neatly on shelves or organized in boxes. Even the toys his parents had taken away from him, and all the old stuff he'd thrown away long ago. He saw the magic refrigerator and computer, right where they were supposed to be. His new perch had a wide padded area just below it, in case he fell off. And sitting on his bed, waiting patiently for him, were all his favorite stuffed animals.

His tears forgotten for the moment, Bartleby laughed in delight and ran over to jump onto his new bed.

It was wonderfully soft! He nosedived into the small pile of stuffed animals and hugged them all. And they weren't just copies either. They were really his! Stains and ripped stitches and everything!

And right by his bed was a reading lamp, and a little endtable to store all kinds of stuff in. And next to that was a desk with lots of paper and pencils to draw whatever he liked... And... And...

He turned around to Razielphustar, his eyes bright and his smile beaming. "How did all this stuff get here?"

The squirreldemon smiled warmly, always loving this part of the job. "You created it yourself."

Bartleby settled into a comfortable sitting position, his little stuffed fox Terry in his lap. "How?"

Razielphustar smiled smartly and explained all. "This was an empty room before you passed through the vortex. It read your thoughts, and constructed for you what you desired. This room is made entirely of your memories, Bartleby. And you can change it in any way you want, any time you want, into any form you want."

"Really? Cool!" the little bat gushed.

The cheerful demon came closer, then gave a look to Bartleby to ask if it was allright if he sat next to him on the bed.

The little bat decided then that it was silly to be afraid of Razielphustar anymore. Especially since he'd been nothing but kind to him ever since they'd met. Bartleby nodded, and the squirreldemon skootched in beside him.

Razielphustar put his arm around the boy's shoulders. He nuzzled Bartleby playfully between his huge fuzzy bat ears, making the boy giggle. "Bartleby, there's something I wanted to ask you," he said in a soft, careful tone.

Bartleby gave his plushie a squeeze. "What?"

The squirreldemon ran his fingers through the little bat's fur. "Why is it, do you think, that you were sent here?"

Bartleby went perfectly still for a moment.

Then he looked down at his pink, furless feet, averting his gaze from his new friend. He let out a slow, remorseful sigh. "Because I killed my dad," he softly confessed.

Razielphustar looked both puzzled and alarmed. He certainly hadn't seen _that_ on the boy's chart. "Excuse me?"

Bartleby put his head in his lap and wrapped his wings around himself, turning himself into a giant dustbunny. "I stabbed him in the stomach with his pocketknife. Then I ran away."

Completely baffled now, Razielphustar willed his all-knowing clipboard back into being. It hovered in the air before his eyes and he scanned it thoroughly, searching for anything that could possibly match up with what Bartleby was telling him...

Oh. Oh dear, there it was.

He read the lines and his eyes went wide.

"Oh you poor, dear boy..." Razielphustar husked in a shocked and saddened voice. "You've got it all wrong."

Bartleby looked up. "Huh?"

"Tell me, please, exactly what you think happened," the squirreldemon gently urged.

The young bat frowned. "It's pretty simple. Mom wasn't home yet. Chuck was out somewhere. Tricia and Mandy were upstairs, and I'd just gotten home from school and I was watching cartoons.

"Dad pulled in, and when he came in he looked all pissed-off. As usual. He emptied out his pockets on the kitchen counter, like he always does. Then he went for the refrigerator.

"The next thing I knew, he was all in my face screaming at me 'cause he wanted to make a sandwich and he thought I ate all the lunchmeat. But I didn't! I don't even know who did!

"But he always yells at me and blames me for stuff I didn't do. So I guess I'm used to it by now.

"He shut off the TV and he shoved me really hard, still yelling. I kinda darted around him, into the kitchen, trying to get away. He ran after me, and I really thought he was going to punch me or slap me or do something. I was scared, okay?"

Razielphustar nodded. "I see. Go on, little one."

Shame was making the young boy's cheeks red. "He backed me up against the counter, and the next thing I knew, his pocketknife was in my hand. He was yelling really, really loud, right in my face. He was even spitting on me. Then he made a fist, and I really, really, honestly thought he was gonna hit me. Probly as hard as he could.

"The next thing I knew, the knife was in him. And there was blood on his shirt.

"He fell over on the floor.

"I didn't know what else to do, so I ran out the back door.

"I just kept running. I didn't know what to do. I'd just killed my dad. The police were gonna catch me and put me in prison forever. So I just kept running. I didn't even try to fly, 'cause I figured someone would see me. I ran downtown, and I hid behind the buildings.

"I just sat there behind this red brick place for a really long time. It even got dark out. I was next to this great big dumpster, and it smelled real bad. I just kept thinking about what I did. I killed my dad. My mom and my brother and my sisters and my grandma and grandpa are all gonna hate me now. The cops are gonna come get me at any moment. Maybe they'd beat me up before they put me in jail, I don't know.

"So finally I decided I'd better go back and turn myself in. Y'know, because it was the right thing to do. I got up, and my back really hurt from sitting on that hard concrete for so long.

"The second I walked out of the alley and tried to cross the street, I saw the headlights. And then the car ran me over.

"Then I woke up here."

A shiver went through Razielphustar's whole body. He leaned over and tenderly hugged the little bat, almost in tears now himself. He gave the boy a soft kiss on top of his head, breathing in the pleasant scent of his abundant headfur.

Bartleby was confused again. He cringed and tried to squirm out of Razielphustar's embrace. "Stop it. Why are you hugging me? I don't deserve it! Stop..."

"Oh sweetheart..." The Hellguardian held the little bat still, trying only to keep him from getting away before he could explain. "You do too deserve to be hugged. Right now, you deserve nothing more. Bartleby, you have it all wrong!" he insisted.

The boy froze. "What do you mean?" It dawned on him. A flicker of hope. "My Dad's not really dead?" he asked eagerly.

Razielphustar nodded. "Not in the slightest. That tiny little blade barely went in half an inch. All it did was surprise him, and then make him madder."

"But he's alive, right!?" Bartleby's heart was thumping. Dad was alive! Even if he himself wasn't anymore, at least this meant the rest of his family wouldn't think he was a murderer!

Razielphustar, looking as serious as he could, turned the boy to face him. "Yes, Bartleby, he is still alive. In fact, as soon as he got up, he went looking for you. I read all this on my clipboard. He searched for you for hours. He drove all over town, getting angrier and angrier by the second. Until at last he finally saw you, stepping out of an alley.

"He floored the accelerator."

Bartleby felt something die within his heart. "No."

"He killed you. On purpose."

"No!"

Razielphustar felt two frail wings wrap around him as the young boy broke down in uncontrollable despair. The demon fought back tears of his own and did everything he could to soothe the boy's emotional tempest.

For Bartleby, this was the single most overwhelming moment of his life. He had never known such a tidal wave of conflicting emotion. Never before had his world been turned so completely upside down in so little time. One moment he was sure he'd killed his own father. Now, he'd been told the truth was the exact opposite.

"It's a lie! You're lying to me!" Bartleby screamed suddenly. He pushed Razielphustar away and flailed his fists at the demon, his eyes shut tight in rage.

"I only wish I were..."

"No! Shut up! It's not fair! I didn't mean to! He didn't kill me! You're just a jerk! You're full of shit! Stop lying to me!!"

Razielphustar had no idea what to do. The little bat had become a hurricane. All he could think of to do was simply take the powerless blows until the boy either calmed down or tired himself out.

In the end, it was the latter. Bartleby felt like a spent firecracker. For a few seconds, it had felt like his blood was on fire and about to burst out right through his skin. Now he felt like he barely had enough energy to breathe. He sat hunched over, dripping with sweat, his heart beating so furiously he was afraid it might suddenly break down.

Neither of them spoke for quite some time.

When Razielphustar thought perhaps that Bartleby might be ready to talk more, he gently jogged the boy's shoulder.

Bartleby looked up, his eyes a raw pink from crying so hard.

"I can show you, if you don't believe me," the demon said softly.

The young bat said nothing, but his expression was a challenge. 'Fine then. Show me.'

Solemnly, Razielphustar reached within the void in his vest, and retrieved a small square mirror in a black frame. He handed it to Bartleby. "Look."

Bartleby took it in his thumbclaws and gazed into his own reflection. The image shimmered, and changed into the past.

He saw his father coming home. He saw the terror reflected in his own eyes. He saw the knife. He saw his father fall, and him running out the door. He saw his father getting back up, angrier than Bartleby had ever seen him before, which was really saying something. He saw his father fling the knife across the kitchen. He saw his father scream at little Mandy, who'd come downstairs to ask what was wrong. He saw his sister crying. He saw the family car screeching down the road, his father clenching the wheel with all his strength, eyes darting in every direction at once, looking for his son. He saw himself huddled in that dark, dirty alley. He saw, through his father's eyes, himself stepping out suddenly in front of the car. He saw that there had been plenty of room to stop in time. He saw, in his father's mind, every moment of anger he had ever directed towards his youngest son. He saw his father's foot stomp the gas pedal and bellow in rage. He saw blackness.

Bartleby let the mirror fall from his grip. He looked up at nothing, his eyes glazed.

Razielphustar silently took the mirror and replaced it within his vest.

"Why?" Bartleby asked, his voice so small it was barely there at all.

"Because..." Razielphustar began. "Actually, no. There is no because. There isn't anything I could possibly tell you right now that would make all of this make sense to you.

"But, you must realize, your father is a man who has more anger running though his veins than blood. That is not your fault, Bartleby. It never has been. It is not your mother's fault. Or Chuck's, or Tricia's, or Mandy's. Your father is responsible for his own actions. He alone, just like everyone else in all existence. He made a bad decision in a moment of anger, and I only wish I could tell you what he's feeling right now. I dearly hope it is regret."

The little grey bat nodded. And all of a sudden, he felt very fragile. As if he were made entirely of glass.

"But I can tell you one thing," Razielphustar said as he softly ruffled the fur on Bartleby's arm. "And that is that I do not blame you one bit for what happened. And I don't think anyone else would either."

Bartleby whimpered, and he fell over sideways to land softly upon Razielphustar's lap. "I'm sorry I hit you," he said.

"Apology accepted," the squirreldemon replied.

***

Bartleby was quiet for several minutes. He laid motionless with his head upon his new friend's lap, staring up at the red rock ceiling of his new room. Watching the soft light making tiny, flickering shadows. Sorting through his thoughts.

"My dad really was mean to us," he finally said.

Razielphustar made a small 'I'm listening' sound.

"He yelled at all of us. A lot. He'd get home from work, and he'd be angry until he went to sleep. I can hardly remember any times when he seemed really happy. He was always complaining that his stomach hurt, or his back hurt, or his feet. Sometimes he hit mom when she didn't make what he wanted for supper. One time he knocked her on the floor and she broke a tooth. Right in front of me."

Razielphustar gave the little bat a soft nuzzle.

"I think Chuck got it the worst. Dad didn't yell at my sisters too much, probly because they were girls. But he always blamed everything that went wrong on me, and he always called Chuck a loser. And that was really stupid because Chuck was good at everything. He was really smart, and he played, like, a dozen sports." Bartleby sniffed back a tear. "He told me lotsa times that I was a good brother and that he loved me."

"Do you think, perhaps, that your Dad was jealous of Chuck?" Razielphustar gently asked. "What with him being good at everything, like you said. Do you think maybe it made him feel bad about his own failures?"

Bartleby thought it over. "Yeah, that does make a lot of sense. Actually..." He stopped, and came to a realization that was more startling in that he hadn't realized it sooner. "Actually, he did that to all of us. He called Chuck a loser. He called mom lazy, but she did more work around the house than all of us. He called Tricia stupid, and she's smarter than all of us put together. And Mandy... He'd call her ugly and she'd run to her room crying. She's only six..."

It was like a dagger in his heart to hear the boy say such things. Nothing hurt Razielphustar more than when people were cruel to children. "And what about you, Bartleby? If your theory is true, that he accuses people of being the opposite of what they truly are, then what does that make you?"

Quietly, Bartleby pondered that. "I guess... I guess it's 'cause I fix things. I don't mean like appliances. I mean, like when he makes Mandy cry, I always give her a hug and tell her she's the prettiest little sister in the world. And I always tell mom she's a good cook, and I thank her for doin' stuff for me and the others. I help Tricia study. And I go to as many of Chuck's sports things as I can. I always cheer really loud in the stands so he can hear me."

Razielphustar took Bartleby's winghand in his paw and gave it a soft squeeze. "It doesn't surprise me at all to hear that. I imagine such behavior must enrage your father. He blames you for things going wrong, because it shames him that you're always trying to heal the wounds he inflicts on the rest of your family."

Bartleby shut his eyes tight. He shuddered. The words hurt because they were so true. And the worst part was, he'd only realized this now, now that it was too late for him to put it to any use.

"For some people," Razielphustar said, "the only way they can feel big is if they stomp as hard as they can on everyone around them to keep them small. These people are called bullies, Bartleby. And no matter how hard you try to fix them, by loving them and doing nice things for them, it only makes them angrier. Because they hate knowing that you're a better furson inside than they are."

The little bat sobbed, just once. It was what he'd always known all along, but had never been able to put words to. "How do you know all this?"

"Because, my sweet boy, I am a Hellguardian. Arch-Hellguardian, actually. And despite the scary-sounding name, my job is to greet new arrivals to my realm, and to do my very best to cheer them up. I have met many, many children in situations just like yours. I've seen plenty that came from even worse. A heartbreaking percentage of them refused to believe, for the longest time, that their parents really were the ones at fault. They insist that it must have been because they did something bad that daddy hits them, or that mommy drinks too much, or that mommy spends all her money on drugs, or that their parents are getting a divorce, or that daddy comes into their room every night and rapes them."

Bartleby shivered hard.

"It happens. It happens more often than you could ever imagine. If you could see every horrifying thing that I have seen done to innocent, beautiful little children like you, you would go mad on the spot. I am not exaggerating. You would go irrevocably insane, and you would beg me to kill you."

"H-how can you stand it?" Bartleby asked.

"By doing everything I can to make things better. I love my job, heartbreaks and all. When I can take a scarred, savaged little cub and find a way to make them smile again, my heart knows no greater joy. I do my job for no payment or reward. I do it, because I must."

Bartleby rolled over a bit to sit up with his head lying on Razielphustar's soft red shirt. "That's cool. You sound like a really nice guy... um..." He blushed. "Sorry, I forgot how to pronounce your name."

"It's okay, little one," the squirreldemon said with a gentle grin. "Razielphustar isn't exactly a common name among the living."

"'Razielphustar'," Bartleby said again, trying to make it stick in his mind this time.

"And Bartleby, you *are* a good boy," the demon insisted. "You really are a very sweet, generous, empathic young cub. And I'm proud of you for being able to realize what you did about your father just now. That was very clever of you."

Bartleby smiled, just a little. "Thanks."

Razielphustar sighed. "Do you want to know the real reason why a wonderful, smart, handsome little bat like yourself got sent to Hades instead of Heaven?" he said bittersweetly. "The real reason? The big, number one reason?"

"Why?" Bartleby asked, curious now.

The squirreldemon gritted his teeth. "As I mentioned before, HE makes all the rules. It used to be, in the days before his madness, that what he called sins were only moral guidelines of sorts. It literally is impossible for any living creature to go though life, even a short one, without committing at least one mortal sin. But he used to be much more forgiving. Back then, just about everyone got into heaven. Down here, we were just the catch basin for the worst of the lot. The most incurable of the cruel.

"Then, things changed. HE started getting much stricter with his rules. He expected you mortals to be able to read his mind. He started sending more and more people here, and not listening to even the most reasonable of explanations for seemingly sinful behavior. Everything got worse and worse and worse. And now... Now, HE's as much a lunatic as the worst dictator, murderer or rapist in the seventh circle."

"Seventh circle?" Bartleby inquired.

"I'll explain that later," Razielphustar promised. "Anyway, as things stand now, he sends virtually everyone to Hell. In his eyes, we are all filth. His standards are so high, they're laughable. Would you care to take a guess as to how many beings, in all the universe, were accepted into Heaven last year? Hmm?"

Bartleby shrugged. "No idea."

"Come on now. All last year. Three hundred and sixty five day's worth of deaths. Out of all the octillions of life forms in the universe, how many do you think HE decided were pious enough to enter HIS kingdom?"

"Um.... A million?" Bartleby guessed, thinking that would be pretty low.

The demon was wearing a sick grin. "Six."

"Six million?"

"No. _Six_."

Bartleby's eyes went wide in horror. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"I'm not. Six. Six souls, out of an uncountable number of newly dead. What frightens me even more is trying to imagine what sort of torturous, masochistic, impossibly repressive lives those six must have lived in order to obey every one of his thousands of contradictory rules... And, oh my soul, what must that twisted, omnipotent madman consider Heaven to be now?" It made him almost physically ill to think it about for too long.

Bartleby felt very small and very afraid. "So... Everyone else gets sent to Hell?"

Razielphustar nodded. "Everyone. We demons are kept busy every second of every day constantly expanding our boundaries. If it weren't for reincarnation, all of existence would surely have been canceled out by now."

Reincarnation? It was real? Huh. He'd always thought that was just something nutty Tricia believed in. He'd have to ask Razielphustar to explain that some more later. But for now, he still needed one more question answered. "So, um, what was my reason? You said there was one big reason I was sent here."

The demon's eyes stared off into space, deep and pained with bitterness. He put his arm across the boy's chest and ruffled his soft, fuzzy fur. "Your reason. It's the most hypocritical reason of all. HE made you this way, and now he casts you aside like rubbish for not being able to change. Bartleby, you are damned for all eternity, simply because you're gay."

The little bat's body stiffened up in panic. "No! Um, I'm not! Really!" he shouted.

"Shhh... Hush, little one." Razielphustar leaned down to tenderly nuzzle his eartip. "You are. You know that you are. I can see it too. When I look at you, I see not only your flesh, but your thoughts, your feelings, your mind, your soul and your heart. You are who you are, Bartleby."

"I'm not..." he protested weakly. "At least, I don't want to be..."

Razielphustar gave him a comforting smile. "Whyever not? Why do you think it's a bad thing to be? Who told you? Your father, the bully? Other children at school? And where did they all learn it from? *HIS* teachings. HE says it's wrong, when HE's the one responsible for creating you that way in the first place!

"Please believe me, little one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving whomever you choose to love. You can love other boys, or girls, or both, or neither. And so long as you don't hurt anyone else, or try to force them to love you back, there is not a single thing wrong with it. And anything you imagine to yourself, any fantasy, no matter how strange, is perfectly fine too. As it harm no one, do as ye will, Bartleby. Do as ye will."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, sweetiepie, that you are perfect, just as you are. You are innocent, and you are beautiful. And whatever makes you happy is okay. Whatever you like to do for you, no matter what anyone else thinks, is just fine. As long as you respect others and allow them their own happiness, nothing you do is bad or wrong or sinful, and no one here will ever look down on you for it. I promise."

Silently, Bartleby looked up into the demon's face; his warm eyes, his loving smile. He knew, somehow, deep in his heart that everything Razielphustar had said was true. It was a tiny voice that had been there all along, but had been forcibly silenced again and again by the angry voices of parents, of teachers, of politicians, of clergy, of society as a whole. All those angry voices saying that pleasure and love were wrong and disgusting. All of them saying, now that he thought about it, the most ridiculously backwards things imaginable. Up is down. Black is white. Happiness is bad. Love is evil.

"I'm gay too, Bartleby," Razielphustar admitted. He grinned. "Well, to be truthful, I'm a little bit of everything. You can't spend eight thousand eons in the sinnin'est place on earth without experimenting a little bit here and there."

Bartleby chuckled a bit.

Razielphustar tickled the cute bat's tummy, getting a happy giggle in response. "You're perfect just the way you are, little one. And I love you."

The young bat stopped short, and his smile grew wide and grateful. "Thanks. I guess... Um... I guess I love you too." He blushed a bit.

The demon grinned understandingly. "Bet that was hard to say, huh? Your society kind of treats those three little words like profanity. Strange isn't it? You can say 'fuck' and 'shit' and all sorts of other colorful little expletives all you want. But just say 'I love you' at the wrong time to the wrong furson and you're liable to get beaten to death. Or worse." He sighed bittersweetly. "I'm glad I live in the abyss. Things make so much more sense down here."

Bartleby patted his new friend's leg. "Sucks, huh?"

"It sucks indeed, young one." Razielphustar sat up a little. He cupped his chin and stroked it thoughtfully. "Say, I just had an idea. He'll probably be busy as usual, but we might be able to gain a few moments of his time..."

"Who?" Bartleby asked.

"Someone who can explain things even better than I can. And there's one more thing you need to agree to before we can let you stay here."

Puzzled, the little bat cocked an eyebrow up.

"Oh, I'll just explain when we get there. Better to act fast now, before his lunch break." Razielphustar stood up from the bed, stretched his arms and his tiny black wings, and then offered Bartleby his paw. "Shall we?"

"I guess so."

Bartleby took the demon's paw in his thumbclaw and was instantly whisked up to Razielphustar's shoulders for a piggyback ride. "Off we go!" the squirreldemon said sprightly.

The door opened by itself again, and they stepped once more into the swirling whirlpool of liquid night.

* * * * *

-CHAPTER THREE-

They emerged in a roughly-carved, perfectly silent hallway that stretched outwards in either direction into infinity. There were hundreds, millions, maybe billions of doors all up and down the dusty, torchlit corridor. And on the door they were stranding directly in front of, there was a small, modest gold plaque. Upon it was engraved...

"'The Devil'?"

Razielphustar shrugged. "He's actually quite humble. And he's got a great sense of humor."

Bartleby couldn't believe it. "The actual *Devil*?"

Razielphustar nodded. "And we're going to go say hello to him. Doesn't that sound exciting?"

Not really, no. Bartleby fidgeted nervously. "Uh, what should I call him?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, he's got so many names. Satan, Lucifer, Prince of Darkness..."

The squirreldemon nodded. He started listing off names on his fingers. "...Father of Lies, Lord of Chaos, The Beast, The Morning Star, The Great Horned One, El Diablo, Old Scratch, Old Nick, Archfiend, Mephistopheles, Ash-shaytan, Azaezel, Baal, Belial... I think he's rather fond of Beelzebub, actually. It sounds the most comical." He scratched his chin. "I really don't think it matters, actually. I've never known him to care much about titles. Heck, even some of the Minor Imps just call him 'Big Red'."

"Okay," said Bartleby. "I've just never met the Devil before, y'know?"

Razielphustar chuckled. "He's really nice. You'll like him," he reassured. He stepped up to the door and gave it three quick, crisp raps.

The door creaked open.

Instantly, from deep within the chamber beyond, there rose the loudest bellow Bartleby had ever heard. An earthshaking, earsplitting, stomach-clenching bass boom.

"***WHAT***?!?!?"

Unfazed, Razielphustar poked his head inside. "What's all the hubbub, Bub?"

Then, muffled, as if from a long distance away, "Oh. Is that you, Razzy? Sorry 'bout that. I didn't get much sleep last night and I've been kvetching like an ass all morning."

Bartleby looked up to his companion with wide, stunned eyes. His expression clearly saying 'What the hell was that all about!?'

Razielphustar smirked and made a 'never mind' gesture. "He's got a crappy job. Don't worry; he loves kids."

Bartleby was not exactly soothed. After all, rabid pit bulls loved kids too. Gulping, he reached up and took Razielphustar's paw.

The squirreldemon led him inside.

The room was cavernous. Dark as a mountain cave, and reeking of mildew. It was nearly as long as a football field, with a ceiling as high as any cathedral. Every inch of available space was taken up with a truly staggering, eye-popping amount of shelves, all of them straining under the weight of trillions upon trillions of pounds of paper. It was a librarian's worst nightmare come to life.

Bartleby glanced down as he walked, unable to avoid stepping on some of the papers that had fluttered down from the higher shelves. They looked like personal files of some sort. Like the ones he'd seen when he peeked in his teacher's desk that one time. Was it possible that this room contained information on every soul in hell?

Something skittered off to his left. Bartleby's ear swiveled instantly to pinpoint the sound. He turned his head, but only caught a glimpse of something that might have been a tiny, skinny creature running along the floor, carrying a stack of files above its head.

He and Razielphustar walked along together for a long time. Bartleby wondered if they'd ever get to the other end of the room.

Finally though, he spotted a small, amber light at the end of one of the rows. As they came closer, it was revealed to be an ornamental gold desk lamp. Hunched over a long wooden table, a large, indiscriminate figure sat scribbling furiously through a towering, barely-organized stack of paper.

Razielphustar cleared his throat.

The figure looked up, then stood and approached them.

It was, unmistakably, The Devil.

If one can imagine the mating between a bat, a serpent, a raven, a goat and a wolf, one might have half a chance at describing the form of the creature that approached Bartleby and Razielphustar. He stood eight feet tall on two powerfully muscled legs, thick as tree trunks and ending in scuffed black hooves. His tail swished lazily through the air behind him, pointed at the tip and almost three feet in length. He was covered in dried-blood-red fur, with a coarse black mane. Dark reptilian scales shimmered on his stomach, and in smaller, symmetrical patches about his body. From his back, two great wings protruded: partially membraned and partially sprouting greasy black feathers. His face was canine, a long muzzle with glinting white teeth. Upon his head rose two immense ebon horns.

Bartleby would have been shaking in his shoes if he'd been wearing any.

"Hey there, kiddo!" The devil said brightly. "How ya doin'?"

Shivering with fright and confusion, Bartleby couldn't speak a word as the towering King of Demons knelt before him and reached out to shake hands. Bartleby raised his wing, but wasn't even aware of it.

The Devil's handshake was firm and polite. "You seem like a nice kid. What can I do for you?"

His voice was kindly enough, but what finally wiped away every trace of Bartleby's fear was when he looked into the Devil's eyes. If the eyes truly are windows to the soul, then the eyes of Lucifer spun ancient stories with a single glance.

In those eyes, Bartleby saw a selfless kindness that knew no bounds. He saw a man, not a myth or a monster, who had taken on an impossibly difficult and heartwrenching task, for the good of all living things. He saw a furson who had seen such sadness and suffering that it would destroy a mortal mind to glimpse even a second's worth. He saw someone who was not evil, not cruel, did not revel in torture, but who was simply doing his job, and with great compassion.

"I-I'm Bartleby," the stunned little bat said at last. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Beelzebub."

Satan smiled. "Ah. I knew it. I can spot a good kid from a mile away." He stood back up. "Come on over. Have a seat. There's still some donuts left if you're hungry."

The Devil went back to his chair and fell into it with a thud. For the first time, Bartleby noticed that he was limping quite badly.

Razielphustar pulled up a chair for Bartleby, and they both sat down opposite the Prince of Darkness.

"How bad's the paperwork today?" Razielphustar asked with a wince.

Lucifer shot back a glare that could split titanium. "Awful." He took a swig of coffee from his eternally-full mug. Bartleby noticed that on the side of it was printed, 'Mean People Suck'.

"What brings you down here, Razi?" The Devil asked. "Something about the kid, I'm guessing?"

The squirreldemon nodded. "He's had a rather rough day. I think he needs some special reassurance that things really aren't so bad down here. I thought perhaps you could fill him in on some backstory."

Put like that, Bartleby thought it sounded rather petty. He could tell the Devil was extremely busy, and he hoped they weren't just wasting his time.

On the contrary, Lucifer seemed not to mind at all. It was a change of pace from all the infernal paperwork after all. "Allright." He turned to Bartleby, and jerked his thumb at Razielphustar. "He already tell you how God's a total schmuck?"

Bartleby bit down a forbidden chortle. He nodded. "Yes, sir."

The Devil grimaced. "Feh! To heck with this 'sir' crap. I hate 'sir'. It just reminds me I'm the boss of everything."

The little bat smiled lopsidedly. "O-kaaay. Um. Well, I just kinda wanted to know what's gonna happen to me now."

Razielphustar put his feet up on the table, and began to file his claws.

"No problem." The Devil pushed a box of donuts towards Bartleby. "They're fresh," he enticed.

Not wanting to be rude, Bartleby accepted, and chose a toasted coconut one.

Beelzebub grinned happily. "Great. I hate those. Take all the coconut ones you like." He steepled his fingertips. "Okay, so, explanation time. If you wanna go all the way back to the beginning of the story, I used to be an angel, if you didn't already know."

Bartleby nodded. "I knew that," he mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs.

"Good. The kid pays attention. Anyway, this was back in them good old days when God was Lord of Everything. But 'everything' was basically HIM, us, and an infinite amount of cosmic nuthin'. Boring! We were all getting pretty damned sick of it. Then HE got this great idea to create some life. Some of us thought it was kind of an iffy concept, but whattaya gonna do? HE's God. HE makes his own rules."

He paused a bit for another slurp of coffee. As he talked, his left hand picked up his pen and started mechanically writing away, filling out forms seemingly all by itself. "The problems started when he gave his creations free will. That meant they had the ability to choose for themselves whether they wanted to worship him or not. (We angels didn't really have such a luxury.)

"Inevitably, once evolution really got rollin', free will created the first assholes, and they bred like fuckin' amoebas. God started getting pissed at them. HE'd thought that HIS little people'd just naturally want to serve HIM and worship HIM, and when instead they spent all their free time screwing and killing each other, it really ticked HIM off.

"So, HE decided they had to be punished."

At that moment, a tiny, goblinlike critter hopped up onto the table and set down a short stack of manilla folders. "Here ya go, Big Red," it squeaked gruffly.

The Devil rolled his eyes disgustedly and accepted the last thing he wanted more of.

The odd little thing noticed Bartleby. It grabbed its crotch, stuck out its tongue, farted, and leapt off the table.

The young bat giggled.

Lucifer smirked. "They're annoying little bastards, but efficient." He took another long slurp off his mug. "Now, it wasn't just me who thought HE was a little off-base about that. The whole 'divine retribution' thing. After all, HE'd given HIS creations free will so they could do whatever they wanted. How could HE then punish them for not making the choices HE wanted them to? To me, and a lot of others, that sounded petty and hypocritical.

"So, in as polite a manner as we could, we told HIM our opinion. And HE shot a bunch of Holy Lightning up our asses and cast us eternally out of Heaven. I guess we caught HIM in a bitchy mood that day."

Razielphustar snickered and reached for a boston cream.

Bartleby sat in silence, completely fascinated. His old sunday school teacher'd shit a brick if she'd been listening to this!

Pen still scratching away impossibly fast, without him even looking at it, Satan continued. "God decreed that a new plane of existence would be created, called Hell. Here, all the living souls he considered no-goodniks would be sent after death to be punished forever'n'ever for their sins. Since my crowd had so royally angered HIM by disagreeing with HIS idea, HE whipped out some of that irony HE's so famous for and made all of us the jailers in HIS new li'l abysmal penal colony. We were transformed into demons, a process that was incredibly painful by the way, and I was crafted into the Supreme Lord of the underworld. Changed forever from my former celestial body to the ugliest form HE could conceive of at the moment."

Bartleby looked sad. "You're not ugly," he interrupted softly. "You look really cool, actually."

The Devil smiled a truly warm and grateful smile. "Thank you, dear boy, for saying so. I can see in your heart you're being honest. It means a lot to me to hear that."

The little bat smiled too. 'Geez, Razielphustar was right; I do go around makin' people feel better!' he thought happily.

Mephistopheles popped an entire apple fritter into his mouth and continued his grand, tragic tale. "So, me and my friends all got banished to the pits, and God laid down HIS unbreakable rule: 'All Souls Who Pass Through The Gates Of Hell Shall Be Tortured Eternally As Penance For Their Earthly Transgressions'." Satan took a sip of coffee. "What a kind and forgiving guy, huh?"

Bartleby nodded blankly. He felt a little knot in his gut. That meant *he* would be tortured eternally too!

The Devil leaned in closer and a canny, sharkish grin stretched across his lupine snout. "But you see, Bartleby, that's where God made HIS greatest mistake ever. HE underestimated me. I am the father of lies, the most devious mind in all existence, the inventor and perfecter of the almighty loophole. When HE declared that all souls must be tortured, and HE made me the Supreme Lord of absolutely everything down here, HE didn't realize that that meant *I* was the one who got to decide what form that torture should take!" He finished with a hearty slam of his massive paw on the table for dramatic effect.

Bartleby raised an eyebrow. "So, what's that mean for me?"

The Devil reached across the table and gave the little bat's right ear a flick.

"Ow!" He rubbed his ear. "I'm sorry for interrupting."

Satan laughed out loud. "No, silly boy! Don't apologize! You asked, and I answered. That's your torture!"

Bartleby made a classic 'huh?' face. "*That*?"

"Sure. That oughtta be enough for a while," Lucifer said with a shrug.

The little bat chortled. "You're kidding!"

"Not at all!" Satan said cheerfully. "When God made HIS little booboo, I capitalized on it immediately. HE had unwittingly set up Hell so that I commanded every aspect of it. And since HE just wanted to sit around on his holy ass all day, judging mortals without getting HIS hands dirty, HE sealed off Hell completely and made it one-hundred-percent autonomous."

"Auto-what-amus?" Bartleby asked. He'd seen that word in a book before, but wasn't sure what it meant.

"'Autonomous,'" Razielphustar recited without looking up, "'Existing in a state of independence; self-governing.'"

The Devil tipped him a nod. "Thank you, Razzy."

"Yer welcome."

"To further clarify," The Devil told Bartleby, "it means that the big omniscient sourpuss screwed up. HE unwittingly gave me complete control of Hell, and in the process made HIMSELF utterly and forever unable to exert even the teeniest, tiniest bit of HIS will down here!"

Bartleby grinned. "I get it! So, in a nutshell, you can do whatever the Hell you want!"

The Devil laughed so hard he nearly destroyed his paperwork, his chair and the table in the process. "Oh man, I this kid! Razzy, send me more like him! I need a good laugh in the middle of the day like this!"

Bartleby felt very proud of himself. He'd actually made the Devil laugh out loud! How cool was that?

Wiping his eyes, Lucifer sighed happily. "Oh, wow. Thanks, kid. You've brought a little ray of sunshine to an otherwise excruciating afternoon."

"You're welcome!" Bartleby said politely.

"And you're exactly right, too. I can, and do, do exactly whatever the Hell I want around here. And the first thing I did once the souls started flowing in was to make some distinctions.

"You see, HIS definition of a bad furson and my definition vary greatly. HE's got all these meshuggeneh rules that just make you scratch your head and wonder what in the name of HIM was HE smoking when HE came up with them. My rules are much clearer: you're a bad furson if you hurt other people. There. That's it. Simple and to the point."

"That's it?"

"That's all I've ever needed," Satan said simply. "With the help of a friend of mine called Garthuulom, who was Razielphustar's great-great-great granddaddy by the way, we came up with the idea for The Seven Levels."

"Yeah, Razielphustar mentioned that."

Lucifer nodded. "The seven levels are, as follows; 'Really Quite Nice', 'Naughty', 'Jerks', 'Dickheads', 'Assholes', 'Complete Assholes', and 'Scum Of The Earth'."

Bartleby almost choked on his donut laughing.

"Well, we've updated the names a few times," Satan admitted.

Barely restraining giggles, Bartleby asked, "So where am I gonna go?"

"Oh, the Naughty level," Lucifer replied immediately. "Almost all little kids go there first. It's fun. It's like 'Hell; The Amusement Park'. You'll see."

That actually sounded kinda interesting, Bartleby thought.

"Really, most people are okay. Those that maybe cut too many people off on the freeway, take their babies with them to 'R' rated movies, or decide on a job in telemarketing, go to the Jerks level. That's for otherwise decent folks who just need to learn a few things about empathy for others. Not much worse than where they came from, really.

"The Dickhead level is for cruel bosses, petty thieves, small-time drug dealers, casual racists, yada yada yada. Folks that don't feel a lot of remorse at spreading a little suffering around here and there.

"Assholes, as you can imagine, is for Assholes. Wife-beaters, drunk drivers, small-town politicians...

"To be a Complete Asshole, you have to display a stunning lack of redemptive qualities. Parents that beat up their children. Heads of corporations that loot their employees blind. Rapists...

"And then, Scum Of The Earth. Guess where most world leaders go straight to when they die, sadly enough? This is for hopeless cases only. There, life is so horrendous, you could never even begin to imagine it with your young, innocent mind. It is where cold-blooded murderers, heartless dictators, fur-farm owners - in the days of humans, mind you - and the most purely remorseless sociopaths are forced to experience their crimes over and over again through the eyes of their victims. Thankfully, it is the smallest circle in Hell, by far."

Bartleby nodded solemnly. "What about the first one? The nice one?"

Beelzebub perked up again. "That's as close as I can make this place into what Heaven *ought* to be. I can't give you any details, it's supposed to be a surprise after all, but you might get a chance to see it for yourself someday. When any soul has paid their penance and genuinely worked hard to become a better furson, they are re-judged, and sometimes they can move up a level. Since right now you're in level number two, and really, you've got barely any sins to worry about, kiddo, you may find yourself moving up sooner than you realize," he said with a knowing glint in his eye.

For the first time ever since crash landing in the red room, Bartleby truly felt hopeful. He allowed himself to believe that, yeah, maybe he really was a good boy. And maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Anything, my boy."

"Will I get to see my Mom and my brother and sisters again?" he asked hopefully.

The Devil reached out his massive, taloned paw and patted Bartleby gently on the head. "Of course you will. Give it some time. All living beings die eventually. And as long as HE keeps sending 'em all down here, you're bound to run into friends and family sooner or later. And we'll all do our best to make the wait as entertaining as we can."

Bartleby giggled. Lucifer's fur was actually rather soft. "I'm glad to hear that."

Razielphustar took his feet off the table and slid a little closer to Bartleby. "Um, Beelz, there's something else... God's other rule, remember?"

Satan winced. "Yes, right. I thought you usually..."

"Well, yeah. But I thought it might be nice for Bartleby to have you do it personally."

The little grey bat was confused again. Whatever they were talking about, it didn't sound very nice. "Um..."

The Devil leaned over the table and fixed Bartleby with a serious, calming gaze. "Bartleby, this part is gonna be scary for you, but it has to be done."

That only made him more nervous. "What, what?"

"Before God washed HIS hands of me," said Satan, "HE forced one more rule upon HIS newly created Hell. HE ordered that all souls entering Hell must give up their hearts, or cease to exist forever."

"What does that mean?" Bartleby asked timidly.

"It means," Razielphustar said with a soft pat on the boy's shoulder, "that you must willingly agree to have your heart ripped from your chest, within your first one hundred hours of entering Hell, or else your soul will irreversibly self-destruct."

The young bat sat bolt upright and trembled in fear. "No. Please... I don't wanna..."

Razielphustar pulled his chair closer and hugged the little bat. "Shush, sweetheart. It only sounds scary. It won't hurt a bit."

Lucifer nodded. "It's true, I promise. God may have forced HIS sadistic laws upon my realm, but I came up with one of my own: 'Each Soul In Hell Shall Suffer Exactly As Much As They Deserve To, And No More'. Simply put, since you're a good kid, practically nothing here will ever hurt, ever again. I swear on my honor."

Bartleby bit his lip. Faced with either having his heart torn out, or ceasing to exist, the choice was pretty clear. Mustering all his bravery, he closed his eyes and solemnly said, "Okay."

Razielphustar gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm proud of you, little one. I have seen beautiful, bright souls who were too frightened, or too proud, to accept their fate, and watched in tears as they vanished forever. If that happened to you, I'd probably erase myself on the spot as well."

Lucifer had gotten up and come around the end of the table to kneel beside them. "You're young, Razzy," he said, his tone wounded and world-weary. "I've been forced to witness every one of those lost souls' last moments. Nothing causes me more sorrow." He shook his head in sad remembrance.

Bartleby turned around in his chair to face the Devil. "It really won't hurt?" he asked meekly.

Mephistopheles took the boy's winghand in both of his paws. "If it does, even for a second, I'll personally take your sins onto my own shoulders and escort you to the Really Quite Nice level myself. That sound okay?"

Bravely, Bartleby accepted. "Allright. Get it over with." He gave Razielphustar's paw a squeeze.

The squirreldemon held him tight, his head resting on the boy's shoulder. "You're being very brave, Bartleby. I'm so proud of you."

The little bat managed a smile at the kind words.

The Devil extended a single claw, and pointed to Bartleby's chest.

The little bat closed his eyes and tried his hardest to keep from shivering.

The thick black talon touched his chest, and pierced it as easily as tissue paper.

Bartleby gasped. That had actually felt... kinda nice! He opened his eyes and his look of fear became one of curiosity.

The Devil made a long slash in the boy's warm flesh. With his single claw, he reached into the cut and speared the boy's still-beating heart.

Bartleby moaned in startled pleasure. "Oh!" He couldn't help it; his young cock jumped in its sheath.

With utmost gentleness, Lucifer extracted Bartleby's heart and placed it in the palm of his hand. "Look."

The little bat looked. There was his heart. As it laid in the Devil's paw, it was still beating. It was bigger than he'd imagined it. And it looked nothing like a valentine. It was shaped sort of like a huge, knobby strawberry, actually.

Lucifer gave the boy a gentle smile. "That's it. All done. That wasn't so bad, now was it?"

"No. It, um, actually it felt good," Bartleby admitted.

Razielphustar noticed the boy's plump little erection and grinned, but didn't say anything.

"You were exceptionally brave, young one," the Devil commended. With that, he opened his mouth and swallowed Bartleby's heart in one gulp.

"Whydja do that for?" the boy asked.

Beelzebub burped. "'Scuse me. I have to. Every time a new soul gives up their heart, it's brought to me and I store it deep within myself. It's safe there, don't worry. It'll rest with all the others, all the uncountable trillions of others, until the end of time. Perfectly safe."

For whatever reason, that made Bartleby feel a bit better. He looked down at the gaping hole in his chest. He reached up to trace his thumbclaw along the edge of it. "What about this?"

"Just wish it better," said Razielphustar.

Bartleby wasn't exactly sure how, but the very second he decided he didn't want it there anymore, it sealed up like a living zipper and vanished without a trace. "Oh! Hey, that was neat!"

Razielphustar nuzzled him. "Yup. From now on, little one, you're indestructible. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can harm you."

The little bat grinned excitedly. "Really? Whoa! That's even neater!"

Satan chuckled. "It is, isn't it?" A chime sounded from behind him. He looked up at the gnarled, dust-encrusted clock upon the wall. "Aw, heck. I really need to get back to work. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," said Bartleby. "I know you're busy. Thank you very much for talking with me. I feel better now."

The Devil stood up and patted the little bat on the head again. "The pleasure's been all mine. Come by and chat whenever you like. I'll do my best to accommodate you. And there'll always be as many donuts as you can eat!"

Bartleby chuckled. He got up from his chair, and held Razielphustar's paw. "Thanks again. I hope you get all your paperwork done."

Lucifer grinned in a way that was both charmed and heartbroken. "You have no idea how much I wish for that same thing."

Bartleby glanced around. "So, all these papers are all the souls in Hell, right?"

That same grin. Equal parts weariness and amusement. "Kid, did you see all those doors out in the hallway?"

Bartleby nodded.

"They all lead to rooms just as big as this one. And they're all full."

Bartleby's eyes got really big.

"You ever heard of carpal tunnel syndrome? I've got the worst case in the history of the universe!" he griped melodramatically.

The boy chuckled in sympathy. "Okay then. I'll let you catch up. And whenever you need some cheering up, I'll be happy to come by and tell jokes or something."

"Sounds great. And I hope you know some filthy ones, 'cuz those are my favorite kind!" He gave Bartleby one more hug. "See you soon, young one. Enjoy my kingdom. I have a feeling you're going to have a lot of fun seeing what Hell is really like."

"I'm sure I will too."

"Right then. Come along, Bartleby." Razielphustar held out his arms. Bartleby jumped up into them and the squirreldemon deftly arranged the boy across his shoulder. They both waved goodbye to the Devil.

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

The Devil tossed them a jaunty wave as well. He chuckled as he went back to his desk. What a nice little afternoon diversion...

***

Razielphustar shut the door behind them and once again they found themselves in the endless hallway of doors. "Sorry, squirt, but I have to say goodbye for now too."

Bartleby's face fell. "No! Come on, we were just starting to get to know each other! I was just starting to feel like maybe I could be happy here!"

The demon gave his young friend a long, loving hug. "I know, sweet boy. But I do have a job to do. Even if I can bend time and space to welcome a thousand souls a day, I still need at least a little bit of time to start with. I promise we'll see each other again. Later today, if I can manage it."

Bartleby bit his lip.

Razielphustar caressed the boy's cheekfur affectionately. "I do like you a lot, little one. I'm friends with many, many other young furs, but you are special to me nonetheless."

"Thank you." He thought of something. "Hey, do you welcome just kids like me?"

Razielphustar nodded. "Mm hmm. All us demons have our areas of expertise. Mine just happens to be making little furballs grin." And with that, he gave Bartleby's tummy a tickle.

The little bat did indeed grin. "Allright. I'll see you later then. I'll be lookin' forward to it."

"And I as well, Bartleby." Like the shutter of a camera opening, a perfectly square trapdoor appeared in the floor at the squirreldemon's feet, an unearthly orange glow emanating from it.

"What's that?!" Bartleby yelped.

"Oh, just another portal, to take you where you need to go." He held the boy out at arm's length. "Toodle-oo, my little grey-furred friend!"

"You're not gonna drop me, are you?" Bartleby squeaked worriedly.

"Sure? Why not?" He pulled the boy in closer for one more quick kiss. With a knowing, playful grin, he whispered in his ear, "And you don't have to be scared. It's all in fun. I love you, remember?"

With that, Razielphustar let go, and Bartleby plummeted into the glowing orange shaft.

The opening sprang shut as soon as Bartleby's eartips cleared it.

Razielphustar blew his new friend a kiss. "Have fun, dear boy!" He walked off down the hallway to his next transport, smiling deliciously all the way, imagining what exciting adventures Bartleby would get up to in his travels through the Naughty level...

* * * * *

-CHAPTER FOUR-

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

"Oh, wait. I can fly."

Bartleby caught the wind and felt like a complete idiot.

He hung there, flapping, managing fairly well to keep himself in a sort-of hover. Chuck was much better at hovering. Bartleby hadn't yet gotten the hang of staying put without gradually sinking.

He wasn't falling anymore though, so that was an improvement.

It seemed he was in some sort of volcanic shaft. The walls glowed by themselves, an overpowering shade of bright orange.

'Well, what am I gonna do now?' he wondered.

He looked down. If the shaft had a bottom, he couldn't see it.

He weighed his options. He could try flying back up again, but he was fairly sure he'd heard the opening snap shut behind him when he fell. He could try to gradually lower himself down, but he had no idea how deep this abyss went. He'd probably just tire out his wings.

Of course, he could just let himself fall...

Surprising himself, he actually considered the idea. Razielphustar had told him not to be scared, and that he loved him. The nice demon wouldn't have really put him in any danger, right?

Well, it looked like there was only one way to test that theory. Bartleby looked down into the bottomless pit again, gulped, and stopped flapping.

He shot downwards like a bullet.

He hoped, hoped, hoped, hoped, *hoped* that he was right. That whatever was at the bottom of this thing wouldn't hurt him. And, in case his theory was wrong, that he'd be able to pull up in time if necessary.

As it turned out, he didn't have time to worry about it much longer. An inky black portal snapped across the width of the shaft. Bartleby fell straight into it before he even had time to blink.

***

"Ouch!"

Bartleby fell from seemingly out of nowhere and landed hard on his tush in a hard plastic chair in front of a desk.

The other kids all giggled.

Totally befuddled, it took Bartleby a few seconds to get his head back on straight. He looked all around.

He was in a classroom! Sitting at a perfectly ordinary desk in a perfectly ordinary classroom. Pastel green walls, educational posters, bookshelves, blackboard and all. Through the windows he could see it was a bright sunshiny afternoon outside. Several other kids were sitting at their own desks, regarding him with curious eyes and welcoming smiles.

If he hadn't been absolutely certain otherwise, he would have thought he'd simply fallen asleep in class and then woke up from a long, weird dream.

He was just about to ask one of his new classmates what in the hell was going on when, from the front of the room, someone barked fiercely, "Mister Fletch!!"

Bartleby's head swiveled around faster than a speeding bullet. His eyes got really big.

Standing in front of her desk, a riding crop dangling from one paw, was the most scantily-clad teacher Bartleby had ever seen. She was a gorgeous, incredibly sexy mousewoman. She looked to be in her mid-thirties, but with the figure and the playful smile of a twenty-year-old. She had silver-white fur and long, poofy blonde hair in a cascade down her back. There was a pair of little oval eyeglasses just above her pink nose. She was dressed in an absolute mockery of a prim schoolteacher's attire, artistically altered to allow vast stretches of feminine fur to public view.

"Mister FLETCH!!!" she hollered again, and grinned evilly.

"Um, yes Ma'am?" Bartleby timorously replied.

"Stand up," she ordered crisply.

Bartleby was out of his seat faster than you could say 'scared-shitless'.

She nibbled on the handle of her riding crop for a moment, sizing up the naked little batboy like a piece of livestock. "Class, it seems our new student has just dropped in," she said wittily.

All the other kids giggled some more.

Bartleby noticed several things then.

First, all of his classmates were grinning, not at all afraid of their rather alarming teacher.

Second, most of them were as naked as he was (and some of them still had their horns too).

Third, he glanced out the window and saw there was a playground outside. Outside? That was weird, since Bartleby had always been pretty sure Hell was underground. And when he looked closer, he realized it was definitely _not_ a typical playground. At the bottom of the slide was a pit of fire that 'fwoosh'ed spectacularly each time a cub slid gleefully into it. Other kids were contentedly sinking in the sandbox, just as if it were quicksand. And quite a few other cubs were shamelessly gettin' naughty with each other right there on the grass, in full view of everyone else!

Bartleby's slack-jawed gape was interrupted by an absolutely ear-shattering, "MISTER FLETCH!!!" He jumped at least a foot straight up. Everyone else chortled heartily with paws clapped to their mouths.

The teacher was eyeing him like a cobra. "You are not paying attention, young man! And what's worse, you showed up late to class!" She shook her head and 'tsk tsk'ed. "I'm afraid you must be punished immediately. Come over here right now!"

A bundle of nerves and red cheeks, Bartleby shakily approached the front of the room. He had absolutely no idea what this sex-bomb dominatrix mousewoman was going to do to him, but he didn't think it would be very nice. He realized all the other students were watching him eagerly, with the gleeful smiles of someone who knows they're about to witness someone else getting torn a new one.

When Bartleby was within a foot of the mousewoman, he looked up, and realized she was a heck of a lot taller than he'd expected.

"Now, Mister Fletch, I can tell just by looking at you that you are a very naughty little boy," she said primly.

Bartleby whimpered. "Um, I'm not really. At least, I try not to be..."

Seeing that he was rather frightened of her, the teacher cocked her head at him, and gave him a very obvious wink.

What did that mean? Was she only teasing him? Bartleby didn't think it was possible to be this confused in a single day.

"Young man, before I punish you, I would like you to turn around and introduce yourself to the rest of the class."

The little bat nodded. Shyly, he turned around and gave a little wave. "Um, hi. I'm Bartleby. I'm new here."

Lots of muffled giggles. Apparently, that was an understatement.

"Good. And you will address me as Mrs. Schaddenfreude," the sexy mouselady told him, smiling and extending her paw for a shake.

A little surprised by how friendly she sounded now, Bartleby turned back around and shook her paw. "Uh... Nice to meet you?"

"Likewise, young bat. But all pleasantries aside, it is time for your punishment." She reached behind her desk and wheeled out her plush, black leather office chair. Positioning it where all the class could see, she sat down and patted her lap. "Over my knee now, Bartleby," she commanded softly.

"You're gonna spank me!?" he yelped in dismay.

"I should think that would be obvious," she said with a sly smile. "Up on my lap, little one."

Cheeks burning, Bartleby reluctantly laid himself down across his new teacher's lap. The other kids were doing nothing to hide their laughter, and it made his ears burn. Add in the fact that he was naked, on a sexy grown-up's lap (even if he did prefer guys, Mrs. Schaddenfreude was like, 'Instant Erection - Just Add Eyeballs'), and it was probably one of the top ten most embarrassing moments of poor Bartleby's short life.

"Now, young man, I will teach you to pay attention in my class!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude said sternly. "You're getting a good, hard spanking, you bad bat!"

She raised her flattened paw dramatically in the air.

The rest of the class leaned over their desks in anticipation.

Bartleby cringed.

And...

*swat*

Bartleby blinked. That was it?

*Swat*

A little harder this time, but still it had been more of a pat than a spank. He looked up at Mrs. Schaddenfreude questioningly.

"I'm sorry if I scared you a bit at first," she whispered to him with a naughty twinkle in her eye. "I'm only playing, sweetie," she reassured. This time her voice was nothing but gentle and playful. She gave him a little skritch at his tailbase.

Bartleby grinned too. He chuckled and finally let himself relax. So it *was* all in fun!

*SWAT!*

"Oh!" That had been a lot harder than the last one! But surprisingly, it hadn't actually hurt at all! It certainly tingled, but the sensation was nothing but pleasant for the young bat.

*SMMACK!!*

"Yipe!" Harder still, but it felt even better!

"Hard enough, little one?" Mrs Schaddenfreude asked sweetly, and Bartleby felt like kicking himself for not noticing the playful undertone her voice had always held. "You've been quite naughty. Do you think you deserve more?"

"Oh yes!" Bartleby readily agreed. Now that he knew he wasn't in any real trouble, and that his new teacher was only pretending to be strict, he was more than happy to play along.

*SMACK!*

"There we go! A good spanking for a bad little boy!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude said gleefully.

"Mmmm! Yeah, I've been really bad!" Bartleby agreed with a giggle.

*SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!*

Bartleby cooed in excited pleasure! He was sure his butt must have been turning pink by now!

That talented paw came down again and again, having had years of experience at tenderizing young children's rumps. Irweena Schaddenfreude was spanking her new pupil with all her strength, knowing well Satan's Law Of Suffering. All her students were very good little boys and girls at heart, so they'd only feel pleasure from her punishments, no pain at all. She wouldn't have had it any other way. She loved all her students dearly, and loved even more being able to make them happy. Especially in naughty ways!

Bartleby wriggled on his new teacher's lap, her surprisingly strong paw held him firmly but lovingly in place. His eyes were shut tight in pleasure. It felt like his butt was on fire! He'd never been spanked this hard in his whole life before, and he was loving every second of it!

In fact, he was loving it just a bit too much. 'Little Bartleby' was having so much fun, he decided to poke his pink head out from his sheath and take a look around.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude noticed the warm little thing poking into her lap and shivered delightfully. "Oh my! You *are* a naughty boy, aren't you?" she cried.

Embarrassed, but still highly aroused, Bartleby could only hope she didn't mind too much. She certainly sounded like she was as excited about it as him.

The horny teacher scooped Bartleby up by his armpits and sat him down on her desk. He gulped hard when he realized the whole class could see his erection now!

Mrs. Schaddenfreude started rustling around in her desk drawer for something. "What a naughty, naughty boy! We'll just have to do something about this problem immediately!" She apparently found what she was looking for. "Aha!" She held up a small black box with a red button on top.

All the boys in the class displayed immediate reactions, though all quite diverse. The girls all giggled wickedly.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude came back around her desk and handed the small device to Bartleby. "Here you go."

"Um, what do I do with it?" he asked.

"Just put your sausage 'n eggs in the padded rubber hole here, see?" she helpfully instructed.

Bartleby chuckled at hearing his genitals referred to as breakfast foods. He obligingly slipped his young erection into the box and tucked his balls in too. He wasn't sure what this thing was going to do to him, but he was certain it would be interesting.

"Now just push the red button there," she told him. She licked her lips in anticipation.

"Okay, what's it gonn-"

BEEP

A surge of warm, sharp pleasure instantly flooded Bartleby's groin when he pressed the button. He came like a jackhammer and nearly fell off the desk.

A second later, a small hatch opened up on the bottom of the device, and Bartleby's neatly severed cock and balls dropped out.

The whole class slapped paws over their muzzles and giggled like mad.

Bartleby froze in shock. It hadn't... It didn't... He looked down, and saw his boyhood lying there on the desk, all in one piece; his snipped penis and testicles held together by the fur of his sheath and scrotum. "Holy fuck...!"

"Tut tut, little one. Watch your language!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude scolded lightly. "I'll let you off with a warning this time, but next time I may have to chop off your muzzle!"

And she'd probably do it too! Still stunned, Bartleby stepped down off the desk and picked up his poor, lonely little boybits. To his surprise, they were still warm, and they still registered his touch just as if they'd still been attached! He inspected them more carefully, and noticed that they'd been sliced off by an impossibly smooth cut. He looked down and saw just a patch of pink, furless skin between his legs. Like an action figure!

The whole situation had such a cartoonish quality to it, Bartleby realized he really wasn't all that scared. It didn't feel like this was permanent. And Razielphustar _had_ told him he was indestructible now...

"Back to your desk, little Bartleby," Mrs. Schaddenfreude coaxed with a soft paw on his shoulder. "The rest of you, we shall continue on with our pop quiz. Remember; no talking, no cheating, no chewing gum, no passing notes, no looking around. No fidgeting, whistling, humming, blinking or breathing, or you will also be punished!" She barely hid a merry laugh at the end of that.

Bartleby walked back to his desk in a daze, holding his sausage 'n eggs in his winghands. He had to admit, having them separated from him like this did feel kinda interesting. He sat down and put his boybits on the desk in front of him. His cock apparently hadn't minded getting chopped off, because it was already starting to get hard again!

He glanced down and noticed there were two pieces of paper on his desk.

One of them looked like a standard photocopied test sheet, but only at first. When Bartleby actually tried to read it, he furrowed his brow in confusion. "What the heck?" he muttered under his breath.

(1) Blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.

a) Blah

b) Blah

c) Blah Blah

d) Blah

Bartleby just stared at the 'test', so confused by it that he almost forgot about his malelessness for a moment. What could the point of this possibly be?

The other piece of paper was a note, presumably put there by the kid sitting next to him. It read simply: 'Lucky!'

Bartleby looked up, and a handsome red fox boy was grinning back at him.

'What do you mean, lucky? I just got my dick chopped off!' he wrote on the note. He slipped it back to the fox when Mrs. Schaddenfreude's attention was diverted elsewhere.

A moment later, the note fluttered back onto his desk again. 'Duh! Doesn't it feel cool? I love when she cuts mine off!'

That was unexpected. Eyebrow raised, Bartleby dashed off a reply. 'Okay, yeah, it sorta does feel good. But how do I put it back on?'

The scribble of a pencil, then... 'You just got here today, didn't you? Just stick it back on, stoopid!'

Bartleby glanced up at the foxboy again, and his new classmate chuckled good-naturedly at him. Shrugging, he picked up his cock and balls and touched them to where they'd been cut off. Instantly he moaned, as a hot, fluid sensation overcame them and they joined back to his body within seconds.

When he looked up again, there was a new note on his desk. 'Felt good, huh?' And a smiley face.

Bartleby gave his new friend an emphatic nod!

The young fox started scratching out another note.

"MISTER OAKLEY!!!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude exploded. "Are you passing notes during a test? You bad little fox! You march that bushy tail of yours up to my desk right now!" she ordered melodramatically.

The foxboy got up, his tail wagging, a *huge* smile on his face. "Oh boy, my turn!" he whispered to Bartleby.

This time, it was Bartleby who got to watch as a fellow student received their punishment. He wondered if his new friend would get spanked too, or if Mrs. Schaddenfreude had something more creative in mind this time.

As it turned out, she did. The little foxboy stood proudly in front of the teacher's desk, eagerly awaiting his penalty. Bartleby noticed that the boy was just a bit pudgy around the tummy, but it looked really cute on him. He wondered if maybe his new friend liked other boys too...

Mrs. Schaddenfreude fished around in her purse for a second, then pulled out a small, green object that Bartleby eventually realized was an actual live hand grenade! She pulled the pin, and then instantly stuffed the grenade in the fox boy's mouth. He swallowed with a smile on his face. Mrs. Schaddenfreude ducked behind her desk, peeking over the top with her fingers in her ears.

KABOOOOM!!!

Pieces of fox went everywhere! When Bartleby looked again, there was just a pair of little brown feet standing there! His new friend had been completely vaporized! The whole class was 'eew!'ing and laughing and flicking bits of red fur off of themselves.

Before Bartleby could think too hard about the fact that he'd just apparently witnessed a murder, the little splatters and shreds of his classmate all suddenly sprang towards the center of the room like elastic, colliding in a big wet red lump, then swiftly forming back into one slightly-dizzy but obviously very happy young foxboy.

"Have you learned your lesson, Xander?" Mrs. Schaddenfreude asked sweetly.

The little fox nodded. "Yeah! I'll be sure to pass a lot more notes now!"

She grinned and patted him on the head. "Oh, you're just incorrigible!" she chided. She gave him a soft swat on his bottom as he walked back to his desk.

Bartleby stared, goggle-eyed, at Xander. "What the heck?!" he whispered.

The fox chuckled. He held up a single finger for Bartleby to be patient, then finished up the note he'd been about to write before he'd been so pleasantly interrupted.

Just as he slipped it into Bartleby's wing, a paper airplane went sailing gracefully overhead. Mrs. Schaddenfreude easily identified the culprit, and ordered an exuberant young ferretgirl up to her desk.

Bartleby read the note, punctuated in the background by the cutest little "Ooch!"es and "Ouch!"es as the ferret girl was soundly thrashed with a cane on her bare bottom. Both she and her teacher were enjoying themselves immensely.

The note read: 'Mrs. S. punishes us all the time! It's the best part of the day! Don't worry, it never hurts, and it's always fun. It's just like in a cartoon! My name's Xander. And you're Bartleby, right? You kinda mumbled up there. P.S. That was cool seeing your stuff sitting on the desk like that!' It was signed this time with a stick figure of a bat boy, holding a loop and two circles in his hand, with little surprise lines coming out of his head and his featureless crotch.

Bartleby bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing too hard. He noticed the ferret girl heading back to her seat with her paws on her tush, cheeks flushed, and looking *very* satisfied. There was obvious moisture running down her legs from where she had cum several times. And there was a broken cane on the floor by Mrs. Schaddenfreude's desk.

Bartleby turned the note over and wrote out a reply. Meanwhile, another girl was being called up to the teacher's desk, and Mrs. Schaddenfreude was wheeling out a guillotine from the closet. 'Hi Xander! Yes, I'm Bartleby, and I just died today. Actually, it was last night. I think. I've kinda lost track of time so far. Whatever. I have no idea what's going on, so if you could help me out, I'd really appreciate it. P.S. Are you gay too? I am. I don't mean to offend you if you're not.' At the bottom, he drew a smiling fox stick figure being blown to bits.

The girl carried her happily grinning head back to her desk, and Xander let out a quick guffaw when he saw Bartleby's drawing. As he wrote out his response on a new sheet of paper, two more students were caught misbehaving. One kneeled before Mrs. Schaddenfreude and had his head sliced off with a single stroke of an amazingly sharp samurai sword. The other boy stepped into a small, telephone-booth-like box and was immediately flattened by a huge metal press. A thick red paste oozed out of the box and shivered back into the form of a giggling young beaver.

Bartleby noticed the doodle on Xander's latest note immediately. His heart leapt. It was two stick-boys sitting at their desks, smiling at each other with tiny cartoon hearts coming out of their heads! He read the note eagerly. 'Sure I'm gay too! Actually, I'm bi, since I'll yiff anyone I really like. And I think you're really cute too! I haven't seen many bats before. I like your nose thing! And yeah, I'd be happy to show you around. Class'll be over soon, and you can walk home with me. Do you have your own room yet?'

And so, Bartleby and Xander began a delightful little silent conversation. Bartleby found himself liking the little fox more and more with every note. He explained that his 'nose thing' was called a noseleaf, that most bats had something like one, and that it helped him echolocate. He said he'd love to walk home with Xander, and that, yes, he did have his own room. He also asked his new friend if he'd ever met a demon named Razielphustar. Xander wrote back that the whole concept of echolocation sounded really cool, that he'd love to see Bartleby's room someday and compare toys, and that Razielphustar had welcomed him to Hell too. And that the Hellguardian gave excellent blowjobs!

That last little tidbit really made Bartleby's eyes get wide. Razielphustar liked getting yiffy with cubs? Wow! He'd have to ask him about that later. Maybe they could even... The little bat blushed just thinking about it.

While the two new friends corresponded, nearly every single student in the class ended up getting punished for something or other. As Xander explained, school was almost over for the day, and Mrs. Schaddenfreude had passed out a fake test just so everyone could misbehave and have fun getting caught and disciplined during it.

Bartleby's sexy new teacher had an incredible imagination for punishments! Everyone who came up to her desk walked away with a happy smile, even if they were in bits and pieces as they left. Bartleby saw one kid get drawn and quartered, another getting exploded in a giant microwave, another having a humongous anvil dropped on them, another being shrunk to the size of a bug and stomped flat by Mrs. Schaddenfreude's shiny black boots, and dozens of other scenarios, all too outrageous and funny to really be frightening.

He even saw Mrs. Schaddenfreude pee all over two of her students, and turn around and use another one's mouth for a toilet! That was a bit alarming, since he'd never really considered bathroom activities to be yiffy before. But all three kids looked totally happy with their messy play. Bartleby decided that, in the interest of fairness, he wouldn't judge such proclivities. Even if they seemed yucky to him, it made those other kids happy. Razielphustar had said that no one down here would look down on him for the things that he enjoyed, so Bartleby thought it was only fair to treat others the same way. And who knew; maybe he'd even end up trying pee or poo play someday and liking it himself?

On the whole though, it seemed that spankings and beheadings were by far the favorite punishments of both teacher and students. At least a dozen heads rolled, and innumerable butts were turned bright pink. The whole time, Mrs. Schaddenfreude kept up her blatantly transparent act of the vengeful schoolmarm, when nothing could have been further than the truth. That playful smile never vanished from her face, and several times Bartleby saw her leaning in close to whisper nice things to her beloved little pupils before disciplining them.

Having seen enough by now to know that there was nothing to be afraid of, Bartleby decided to join in on the fun too. No matter how gruesome Mrs. Schaddenfreude's punishments were, all the other kids looked like they were having a blast. Xander had certainly enjoyed being exploded! And now that he'd had time to deal with it better, he had to admit that having his package removed had indeed felt pretty cool.

Not sure exactly what the best way to break a rule would be, Bartleby decided to forego subtlety. He stood right up on his chair and started producing musical armpit farts. His boldness gained an appreciative response from his classmates.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude did the best job she could at looking shocked and outraged by Bartleby's scandalous behavior, when in reality she could barely keep from laughing like the rest of the class. "Mister Fletch! What a horrid little boy you are! Get down from there and come here this instant!"

Grinning, Bartleby bounded up to the front of the room. With a broad smile, Mrs. Schaddenfreude led him behind her desk and started trying to decide which of her many disciplinary implements to use on the boy.

"Do you think I could try the guillotine?" Bartleby whispered to her.

She bent down and nuzzled noses with him. "Of course, sweetheart! Everyone likes the guillotine!" She went to her bottomless closet and fetched it swiftly. She wheeled it out in front of her desk and motioned for Bartleby to kneel on the small padded area in back. "I'm glad to see you volunteering, Bartleby. There's nothing at all to be afraid of. It won't hurt."

"I know," he whispered. "Everyone else is having fun, so why not?"

She patted him tenderly on his little tush. "Good boy. Now just stick your head through the hole here. It's called a 'lunette'."

Bartleby did as he was told. "I didn't know that," he noted.

She chuckled. "Well, I _am_ a teacher, after all. I should hope you'd learn something from me on occasion," she said with a swish of her mousey tail. "Now, are you ready to be disciplined, you bad boy?" she said loudly in her 'mean teacher' voice.

"Yeah!" Bartleby agreed. He gripped the sides of the guillotine's frame, trembling in anticipation, his little cock stiff as stone once again. "Punish me!"

"Your wish is my command!" Mrs. Schaddenfreude said as she pulled the release rope.

zwissssh!

*THUNK*!!

The blade was so sharp, Bartleby barely even felt it. There was no blood, no pain at all, just a sudden dizzy sensation as his vision did three full somersaults and his head landed upside down on a soft little velvet pillow below him.

To the little bat's surprise, that had been even more fun than he'd imagined! And being able to feel the breeze of air across both halves of his split neck felt really, really nifty.

"Take your head and take your seat, Mister Fletch," Mrs. Schaddenfreude said crisply. "And stay a few moments after the bell rings. We have things to discuss..." she added ominously.

Bartleby had never had to direct his body while he wasn't attached to it before, so it was understandable when he walked into the teacher's desk and bonked his boner before finally getting himself turned around the right way and managing to scoop up his head in his wings.

Once he got back to his desk, there was another note waiting for him. He held his head up to read it: 'That was awesome!!'

***

Twelve minutes (and oodles more punishments) later, the bell did ring. The other students flooded out of the room, many of them pausing by Mrs. Schaddenfreude's desk to give their teacher a kiss or a hug, or to ask for one more quick spanking.

Bartleby, having long since screwed his head back on like a lightbulb, tapped Xander on the shoulder. "Wait for me outside, okay? Mrs. Schaddenfreude wants to talk to me for a minute."

The foxboy nodded. "Okay, Bartleby." He stepped closer and scored a quick smooch on his new bat friend's cheek. "See ya in a bit!" he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Bartleby blushed and touched his cheek. "Wow..." His first kiss from another boy! Sure Razielphustar had kissed him earlier, and Chuck had given him one or two pecks on the forehead before, but this was different. This had been his first *romantic* kiss from another boy!

And it had happened so casually, too! At his old school, if he'd kissed another guy, he'd have been pounced on by bullies immediately and beaten up for being a 'queer'. But even though there had been plenty of other kids around, none of them had even batted an eye. As if such things happened all the time here.

Bartleby chuckled softly. The irony was pretty staggering. Hell was a nicer, more tolerant place than Earth had been!

When all the other students were gone, Bartleby approached his new teacher's desk.

Mrs. Schaddenfreude swiveled her chair around to face him. "How do you like my class so far, Bartleby?"

"I like it a lot!" he said sincerely.

She giggled and ruffled his headfur. "I'm very glad to hear that!"

He wiggled a bit, enjoying the affectionate gesture. "So, um, is this like regular school? Do I hafta come in every day?" he asked.

"Oh, no. You don't *have* to come in," she told him. "No one will force you to. If you need to take a day off, that's allright. Though you may get an extra spanking when you come in the next day," she added. They shared a laugh.

She cupped his cheek and ran her fingers through the soft boyfur. "But I would like it if you chose to stay in my class. It's not at all like your old school must have been, I promise. I do my very best to make sure you little ones *want* to come in. I try not to teach any boring stuff. There's no tests, no report cards, no algebra. No pressure. You're not here to be stuffed into a mold. You're here because you like being here. If you choose to stay, it's because you enjoy learning."

He was rather pleased to hear that. All the best parts of school with none of the drudgery! Cool!

"We do lots of hands-on activities in class. Lots of open discussions. We read lots of books together. And we go on field trips all the time! Just last week we all went out to this gorgeous little swamp, and we all sunk in quicksand together! If you've never tried quicksand, you really should. It feels wonderful! Cool and thick and oh so messy!" she gushed, obviously thinking naughty thoughts.

"I'll, um, keep that in mind," Bartleby said.

She pulled her chair closer, and her smile became softly seductive. "And in case you were wondering..." She reached down and, light as a feather, cupped Bartleby's boybits in her palm. "We also enjoy plenty of yiffy time. Yiffing is considered completely innocent down here. Everyone is free to make love to anyone they choose. Whatever you feel like participating in is allright, as well as anything you choose not to take part in. No one will ever force you to do anything you don't like."

Bashfully, Bartleby nodded. He could feel the heat of her paw on his cock. His cheeks burned. So sensual...

"And that goes for my punishments, too. As you may have guessed, I love disciplining naughty young furs," she said with a giggle. "But if you ever get scared, or aren't in the mood, just tell me. I'll always stop right away. I promise." She gave the boy's package a gentle, playful squeeze. "Okay, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Mrs. Schaddenfreude," Bartleby said, grinning ear to ear.

The pretty mouse slipped out of her chair and gave her newest student a loving hug. "I think we're both going to enjoy spending more time together, Bartleby. I can tell you're really a very good little boy..."

Hearing those sincere, caring words felt even better than having her touch his boybits. Bartleby hugged her back, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"...You'll have to be sure to work on that," she kiddingly added. "I much prefer teaching naughty students!" She giggled and nuzzled noses with him again.

Bartleby smiled. "I'll do my best!"

She stood up and ran a paw along Bartleby's left ear. "Allright then. Better go now. Best not to keep Xander waiting. I think you two will make fine friends. And ask him to give you some tips! He's one of the most mischievous boys in my class!"

"Okay, Mrs. Schaddenfreude. I'll be here again tomorrow, I promise!" he assured her. Just before he was about to leave, he got another idea. He turned and bent way over, exposing his round little rump. "One more for the road?" he asked, and wagged his little thin tail.

She giggled in delight. "Of course!"

A hearty swat on his bottom sent Bartleby off on his way.

* * * * *

-CHAPTER FIVE-

Xander was right outside the door waiting for him, chatting with a pretty hyena girl in a yellow dress who Bartleby had seen sitting on the other side of the room. If he remembered correctly, she'd had her head chopped off too, and had been one of the two students to enjoy a golden shower from Mrs. Schaddenfreude.

"Hi!" the plump little fox said as Bartleby walked over.

"Hi!" The two boys exchanged high fives.

"This is Lexi," Xander introduced.

The cute little hyena put out her paw. Her fur was sandy brown over most of her body, with cute black spots all over and a slightly creamier-colored tummy. Her muzzle was dark brown, as if she had dipped it in chocolate syrup. "Hello, Bartleby! I loved seeing you get your boy parts chopped off!" she said brightly.

Bartleby blushed just a bit, and shook her paw. "Uh, thanks?"

"She lives pretty close to me, so we usually walk home together," Xander said. "Come on, the portal's not too far."

Bartleby and Lexi fell in behind him. They were in a perfectly normal-looking school hallway, with a few scattered students still hanging around after most of the others had already left for home. As they turned a corner, Bartleby was shocked for a moment to see a male coyote teacher holding his young female feline student up against a wall, and humping her ferociously!

"Hi Amanda!" Lexi called out pleasantly.

The little lioness being yiffed managed a weak wave. "Hi Lexi!" she panted, then let out a long meow of pleasure.

"Aww, yeah! You like that, cutiepie?" her teacher asked, and gave her an extra-hard thrust.

"*purrrrrrrrr*!"

Lexi noticed Bartleby's stunned expression. She giggled and punched him lightly on the arm. "Don't be such a stuck-up ol' poop!"

"Hey! I'm not stuck up, I'm just new, okay?" Bartleby contended. "I've never seen anything like that before."

"Okay, you're right. Sorry," said Lexi. She held her fist up to his arm, then jerked it away; taking the punch back.

"Doesn't it look fun though?" Xander asked cheekily. "Mr. Romeo's screwed me a few times too! He's got a huge one!"

Lexi giggled. "Mrs. Schaddenfreude's got a strap-on that's even bigger!"

Bartleby could barely believe they were talking so casually about a subject that, back in his old life, had sent countless grown-ups to prison, and was thought to scar young cubs' fragile minds irrevocably. "Sorry if I'm still a little freaked out," he told his new friends. "It's just that so much stuff is happening to me all at once!"

"I know. It was kinda mind-blowing at first for me too," Xander said reassuringly. "But you get used to it quick. The basic rule down here is 'everything's okay'."

"As long as you're not hurting anyone else," Bartleby added, nodding.

"Right!" He bumped playfully into Bartleby, rubbing their shoulder fur together. "So, did you ever do any yiffy stuff before you died?"

They came to the end of the hallway then, and Xander held the front door open for his two friends. "I..." Bartleby had to pause in his answer to just make sense out of what he was seeing beyond the door.

It was like several dozen worlds all haphazardly squished together. Every few acres, the landscape would change into something completely different. Most of it looked like a regular city, but in wildly different styles; old-timey, modern, retro, futuristic, etc.. In some places it was outdoors. Some areas had sunny day skies overhead, and some had dark night skies. In other places, it looked a bit more like the traditional concept of Hell; a big cavernous underground area with stalactites hanging from the cave ceiling. Trying to put it all together visually was like watching a 3-D movie with no glasses.

The three cubs walked down the school steps and crossed the street, sometimes walking on a normal concrete sidewalk, sometimes grass, and sometimes red sand.

When Bartleby could finally concentrate enough to speak again, he remembered what he'd just been asked. "Um, uh, yeah. Well, sorta. I used to, you know, play with myself a lot. And I had fantasies about other people sometimes. But I never really did anything."

"Like who?" Lexi asked. "I used to have this *huge* crush on my dentist. I was *this close* to asking him if we could yiff when I went in for my next checkup."

"I always thought that guy on TV who does the battery commercials was a hunk," Xander confessed.

Bartleby bit his lip. "Well, actually, I'd always kinda hoped me and my brother Chuck could do something together. We were really close. We hugged a lot. I thought it'd be cool if maybe we could have..." He trailed off quietly, and stopped in his tracks.

Xander and Lexi stopped too. "Hey, what's wrong?" the pudgy fox asked.

"Nothin'..." Bartleby said. "It's just..."

Lexi came over and put her paw on his shoulder. "You're starting to miss your family, huh?" she asked softly.

Bartleby nodded.

"I know what that's like," she told him. "I got sick and I was in the hospital for a long time. My mom and dad came to see me every day. When I died and came here, and we couldn't be together anymore, it was almost like they'd died instead of me."

Bartleby 'hmm'ed sadly. "Yeah, that *is* what it feels like," he realized.

"I guess I got lucky; me and my mom and dad, we all died together," Xander added. "But I do still miss all my old friends. How did you die, Bartleby?"

"I got hit by a car," he said. He decided, just for now, not to mention who'd been behind the wheel.

Xander and Lexi both hugged him. "It'll be okay," the hyenagirl comforted. "Good stuff happens too. I got to see my gramma again. I live with her now. And I know it's just a matter of time before mom and dad show up too."

"I know. I just wish there was some way I could have said goodbye to them," Bartleby said softly. The faces of his family flashed in his mind. Chuck. Mandy. Tricia. Mom. His grandparents. Even his dad, who he still loved somehow, even after what had happened. He pictured all his friends from his old school. His teacher. His friend Sammy from down the street... How long would it be until he'd get to see any of them again? Would he even recognize some of them after so long?

"Hey, you wanna come back to my place?" Xander offered, hoping to cheer his new friend up a bit. "My mom and dad'll probly be there. Are you hungry? We could have some lunch."

Bartleby managed a little smile at the offer. Even if he would miss his family and his old friends, at least he knew he'd soon make lots of new friends to make the wait more pleasant. "Okay. Sounds good. Thanks."

Xander reached down to give Bartleby's winghand a squeeze. "It's tough being new. I understand. But Hell really is a cool place. There's all sorts of stuff to do here."

"Yeah!" Lexi agreed. "And sometimes, weird stuff'll happen to you just out of nowhere!"

Perfectly on cue, a gigantic python sprang from the branches of a tree overhead and ensnared the little hyena in the blink of an eye.

Bartleby jumped backwards a few feet. "Shitballs!" he shrieked.

Xander didn't seem a bit phased. "Oh, cool!" he said.

Lexi didn't seem to mind either. She giggled as the huge snake coiled himself around her and began to squeeze. "OoooOOooh!" she squeaked.

"Why was there a python hiding in that tree?" Bartleby asked. At least this sudden strangeness had helped distract him from his momentary bit of melancholy.

"Oh, there's a great big zoo a few blocks away," Xander explained. "All sortsa nonev animals. They escape like crazy, and most of 'em go around eatin' people. I got mauled by a tiger once!" he said proudly.

"And it feels really nice!" said Lexi. "Snakes are cool!"

The python gave her a few more hugs before twisting himself around to take the little girl's succulent toes into his mouth. He'd learned long ago, from all the tasty little children leaping willingly into his enclosure at the zoo, that it was much more fun to swallow his prey feet-first, so they could wiggle around longer and he could listen to their cute, happy cries.

"I guess I'm snakefood now. Tell my gramma I'm gonna be late getting home if you see her," Lexi asked Xander.

The foxboy saluted smartly. "Will do."

Bartleby squatted down, watching the snake's powerful, muscled body as it constricted his classmate. "That really feels good?" he asked incredulously.

"Sure!" Lexi replied without hesitation. "It's like being pulled into a really wet, hot sleeping bag. Niiiice and sllooowww! And once you're all inside, the stomach acids tingle all over until you get digested and come out as poop. Then you can just wish yourself back to being fur again and be on your way," she explained.

The snake was now finishing off her calves. Bartleby looked down, and noticed a prominent tent in the girl's dress! "What the-!?"

She laughed out loud. "Don't you know girl hyenas got penises too?"

"No, I didn't," said Bartleby.

"And it works, too!" Xander said with a wink, hinting that he'd been on the receiving end of it a few times.

"It's actually more like a really big clit," Lexi explained. "But at least I can pee standing up like you guys."

"Oh, yeah, that reminds me," Bartleby said. "I noticed you let Mrs. Schaddenfreude pee on you today."

"Yeah, so?" she snorted, assuming he was about to criticize her for her choice in pleasures.

Bartleby held up his palms. "Hey, hey, it's okay! Yeah, I thought it was kinda gross, but I'm curious too. What's it like?"

She was glad to see he was being open minded about it (and even gladder that her snake friend was now munching on her tender thighs!). "Oh, I love it! Pee is really fun. It's hot and wet and it tastes good too! It actually doesn't feel a lot different from getting splashed with a squirt gun, except it's nice and warm. And it's even better when it comes from someone you love. It's like they're giving you a gift from their body."

Bartleby nibbled his thumbclaw thoughtfully. He made a little 'I hadn't thought about it like that' sound. Put that way, it didn't sound quite so bad anymore. Maybe he *would* try a pee experiment in the future.

Lexi moaned happily and squirmed as the hungry python came closer to her crotch. Her femboner quivered in anticipation of being pulled into that hot, moist mouth. She absolutely loved getting eaten! She managed to shake off her bliss just long enough to tell her two schoolmates, "It's okay if you go before I'm all the way inside. I know your mom's probly waiting on you, Xander."

The foxboy nodded. "Yeah. I would like to watch you go all the way in though. You're cute when you're prey!"

She giggled at the compliment. "Thanks! You too!" She looked to Bartleby. "Will you be in class tomorrow?"

"Oh, definitely!" he assured.

"Great! Mrs. Schaddenfreude's class isn't just us gettin' punished all the time. She's really a cool teacher!"

"I know!" he said happily.

"A kiss before you go?" Lexi asked her two friends flirtatiously.

"Sure!" Xander and Bartleby were happy to oblige. They knelt down beside her and kissed both of her cheeks at once.

Lexi was in paradise! Two cute boys kissing her and... "OOOH!" ...the snake finally got her naughtybits into his mouth! Wow, did that ever feel great!!

Xander chuckled at seeing his friend so happy. He stood back up. "Okay, Lexi. See you tomorrow. Have fun! Be nutritious!"

"Bye! Have fun!" Bartleby said too.

She chuckled and squirmed about happily. "Bye! And be sure to try out a big snake too, Bartleby! You won't regret it!"

The two boys left their friend to be devoured by the hungry python, still hearing her lusty barks and squeals all the way down the block.

"Just how often do people get eaten by other animals down here?" Bartleby asked.

"Oh, constantly!" Xander said. "It's the best! Lexi's right about snakes. Nice and slow! It takes forever, and you're loving every second! I go up to the zoo all the time. There's no bars or glass between you and the nonevs, so you can jump right in and play with them. The otters are a lot of fun to swim with. Everyone loves the reptile house; crocs are really good at eating cubs too. I had an elephant wrap me in his trunk and swallow me once. And hippos! They open those big, huge mouths, and you can just dive right in!"

Bartleby had to admit, that did sound fun! "And none of it hurts? I mean, I know it doesn't, but I'm still getting used to the idea."

"_Nothing_ hurts," Xander assured. "Nothing, nothing, nothing! I could hook up your nuts to a car battery and you'd cum like a volcano. And at the zoo, you can do yiffy stuff with the animals too. Ever had a horse screw you in the butt?" he asked slyly.

"You're kidding!" Bartleby burst out in astonishment.

"No way! You can actually feel it squishing your guts up like spaghetti sauce! And you'll drip cum outta your butt for an hour! It's awesome!"

Bartleby tried to even imagine that, and couldn't. Slowly but surely however, he was really getting used to the idea that he, and everyone else in hell, really was invulnerable to everything imaginable. "Y'know, the Devil did tell me the naughty level was sort of like an amusement park. I can see what he means!"

Xander gaped at him, awestruck. "You just died yesterday, and you've met the Devil *already*?!?" he shouted in disbelief.

"Uh, yeah. Razielphustar took me to see him. I always thought he'd be evil and scary 'n stuff, but he was really nice to me!"

"Oh, I know! I've met him too, but that was weeks after I died! You're so lucky!"

Bartleby felt an odd bit of pride. "Mm hmm. He took my heart out. It felt pretty good. Kinda yiffy, even."

Xander jumped up and down and pulled on his ears. "Oh MAN!! He took your heart _personally_?!? I'm gonna kick Razielphustar's ass!" He playfully shoved Bartleby. "You lucky, lucky bastard!"

The young bat chuckled. "Well, I didn't even know I was lucky until you told me," he said consolingly.

"Yeah, okay." He gave his friend a one-armed hug. "We're still pals. Besides, I'll bet Satan didn't fuck you, huh?"

Bartleby's eyebrows shot up. "No!"

It was Xander's turn to smile proudly. "Yup! After he gives up on his work for the night, he relaxes by having these huge orgies where he yiffs everyfur in sight for hours! And his thing's so big, he splits you right in half when he cums! He did my mom, my dad and me all in the same night. It was great! When we got ourselves put back together, we all yiffed everyone else and had a total blast!"

"Wow!" Bartleby exclaimed. It seemed they _really_ had a relaxed attitude about sex down here!

"At the end of the night, everyone curled up together on his huge bed and went to sleep. I got to lie down right next to him with a bunch of other kids, and he petted our fur and told us how cute we were. I think he likes being yiffy with kids even more than grown-ups."

Thinking about that massive, fascinating body, and being able to cuddle up to it, Bartleby shivered in pleasure. He wondered how one went about getting into one of these orgies. "I saw him while he was doin' paperwork," he told Xander. "He seemed really sad, actually. But I did manage to make him laugh. And he gave me a donut."

"That's cool. He's a really nice guy. He came to school last December and passed out just a *shitload* of free toys to everyone!"

Bartleby grinned at the mental image of Lucifer in a santa hat.

"And I know what you mean about him seeming sad," Xander added quietly. "I think it still hurts him that God turned all mean on him like that. From what I've heard, he and God used to be really close friends before it happened, so it was like a knife in the heart, y'know?"

Bartleby nodded. "That makes sense. I used to be friends with a kid at my old school who betrayed me. We'd been friends for, like, three years, and then all of a sudden he went and started hanging around with some other popular kids. The last time he saw me, he pushed me down in the lunchroom and his friends all laughed. It hurt a lot more than if he'd just been some guy I didn't know."

Xander sighed. "I'm sorry to hear that. I wouldn't do something like that, I promise."

Bartleby put his arm around his new friend. "Aw, I know."

***

They talked a bit more as they walked along the wildly shifting street, until they came up to a small-town-styled butcher shop. "Hold up a second, Bartleby. I just wanna check on something," said Xander.

Curious, the little bat followed his friend over to the butcher shop's display window. There, he was more than a little shocked to see half a dozen cubs in various states of dismemberment! Upon closer inspection though, none of them seemed the least bit concerned. In fact, most of them seemed rather proud to be on display.

"Jeff!" Xander shouted happily. "I was wondering why you weren't in class yesterday and today!"

Bartleby looked to see that Xander was talking to a plate of innards, two arms, a leg, parts of a torso, and the head of a brightly smiling young chipmunk boy.

"Yeah, Dad left to take a trip down to the Jerks level yesterday, and he thought it'd be simpler to just let me be food for a few days," Jeff said, shouting a bit to be heard through the glass.

"You can go to other levels?" Bartleby wondered out loud.

"Yeah," Xander explained, "if you're from a higher level, you can get a pass to go down to any of the lower ones to visit someone you care about, or to just take a tour if you're curious. My Uncle Pete, my dad's brother, got himself stuck in the Dickheads level. Dad goes to visit him every few months or so. He says Uncle Pete's paid for most of his sins by now, and they might let him move up a level this year."

"That's good." And it made sense, too. Bartleby had been wondering about that aspect of the whole Seven Level system. Satan had stuck him as someone who'd care more about redeeming souls than just simply letting them suffer and rot away.

"New kid?" Jeff asked.

"Uh huh. Just died yesterday."

The little chipmunk's arm waved at Bartleby. "Hi!"

"Um, Hi!" He turned back to Xander. "So, what're the other levels like?"

"My dad says the Jerks level is like a really crummy day on earth, but that the Dickheads level is like prison. He says he can't even imagine what the lowest levels are like."

Bartleby nodded. He'd been about to ask why Xander's Uncle Pete had been deemed a dickhead, but he thought that might be a bit rude.

"How are you selling?" Xander asked Jeff.

"Not bad. My cock got bought right away! Some lady bought my leg for supper a little while ago."

"My Mom might like some of you too."

"Cool! Yeah, come in and buy some of me!"

"There's still money in Hell?" Bartleby asked. For whatever reason, that seemed rather strange to him.

Xander gave him a huge, knowing grin. "Who said I was gonna pay with money?" He took Bartleby by the arm and pulled him towards the shop's entrance.

***

The bell above the door jingle-jangled merrily as the two cubs entered. Bartleby freaked out for a moment once he stepped inside. The scene was straight out of a slasher flick!

Parts of people were everywhere! Butchered furs of all ages and species were on display. Arms and legs were hanging on the wall. A selection of torsos were arranged in a display case. Through the plexiglass deli counter, Bartleby could see all sorts of organs, feet, paws and genitals, along with lots of unidentifiable cuts and sliced meats.

It would have been a terrifying tableau, if not for the fact that all the butchered fursons seemed to be perfectly content. All the chopped-off heads were looking about and smiling, chatting with each other. The butcher, a plump skunk wearing nothing but a wide, well-stained white apron, turned and smiled warmly at them as soon as they came in.

"Hello, boys! Welcome to my shop. Have you come to buy or sell?" He took a closer look at Bartleby. "Xander, please tell me you're selling him!" he said, almost drooling.

Bartleby 'eep!'ed.

"No, he's not for sale, Mr. Spitalka. And he's new, so he's probably pretty weirded out right now."

The jolly skunk waddled out from behind the counter and gave Bartleby a reassuring pat on the back. "It's okay, son. Everyone who's here is here of their own free will. We can all heal ourselves in a flash, right? If anyone here on display wanted to grow a new body and leave, that'd be their choice," he said. His voice was warm and friendly, like a roaring fireplace on a chilly night.

Bartleby sucked in a deep breath. "Okay, yeah, I know. I'm just still getting used to stuff like this."

The butcher chuckled and gave the young boy's hair a tussle. "I understand. I was new too once. And hey, if you ever do decide to come by and sell yourself, I'm sure you'd be a big hit! Bat meat's rare, and very tasty too!"

Bartleby had never really considered what he tasted like.

"I'm here to buy some of my friend, Jeff," Xander told the butcher. "The chipmunk in the window."

"How much is that chiiiipmunk in the window..." Bartleby could not resist singing.

Xander cracked up.

"Actually, you never did tell me how you pay for stuff in here," Bartleby said.

Xander gestured for Bartleby to give him a moment. He pointed out to the butcher that he wanted Jeff's intestines and right arm. The butcher nodded and scooped them up to be wrapped.

"Hope I taste good!" Jeff said. "Tell your mom I said hi!"

"Will do!" Xander picked up his friend's head and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Both boys giggled. The pudgy young fox walked back over to Bartleby. "Jeff's gay too, so maybe we can all have a yiffy sleepover sometime." Bartleby thought that was definitely a good idea! "And in regards to your question..."

Xander walked over to the butcher, who had already wrapped the two cuts of chipmunk meat in white paper. "So, which part of me do you want? As if I have to ask..."

The boy and the butcher both chuckled. "Take a wild guess," the skunk said with a grin. He led Xander over to a chopping block with an adjustable height setting, and positioned it perfectly at Xander's crotch level.

Bartleby came around and watched his fox friend willingly place his balls and now-erect cock onto the hard wood surface. Xander leaned back a bit, putting his arms behind his head. "You had your turn in class; my turn now!" he told Bartleby with obvious enthusiasm. "Instead of money, we pay for stuff with ourselves. Either by doin' stuff for each other, or by yifing, or by actually giving parts of our bodies. I come by this place to pick up dinner all the time!"

The skunk picked up a glistening meat cleaver. "You ready, little guy?" he asked Xander.

"You bet!" the excited little fox replied, his tail wagging happily.

Bartleby was surprised that he was getting kind of yiffy himself.

The butcher raised up the cleaver.

Xander grinned.

Bartleby felt his own cock poke out of its sheath.

*swoosh*! *WHACK*!!

The butcher brought his implement down with uncanny precision, taking off Xander's cock and balls as professionally as possible. As the little fox cock jumped through the air, it squirted out a long, thick rope of boycum.

Xander's tongue was hanging out. "Gettin' cut always makes me cum!" he said giddily.

Bartleby watched, fascinated, as the butcher lovingly cradled his friend's maleness in his big furry paw and placed it in a display case alongside several other sets of genitalia from a wide range of species.

"That's a good one!" the butcher told Xander as he walked back over. "It'll sell fast. Boy cocks always do. They're the most tender, juicy cut of meat, in my opinion." He gave the little fox a quick hug. "Thanks a bunch, Xander. Feel free to come by and give up that cute cock anytime!"

"I will, mr. Spitalka!" Xander said happily.

"And I'd love to have yours in my deli case too," the skunk told Bartleby with a warm grin.

Bartleby shivered, but his cock got even harder at the idea.

On a sudden wild impulse, the young bat ran over to the chopping block and whipped out his package. "Take it now! Quick, before I change my mind!" he shouted, his heartbeat thumping in his ears. He couldn't believe he was doing this! But he *knew* he'd be perfectly safe, even if his emotions weren't completely convinced yet. And, after all, he'd lost it once before anyway.

"Whoa! Go Bartleby!" Xander cheered.

The butcher was floored by this cute little bat's spontaneous willingness. He'd seemed so nervous a second ago! "Allright, kid. Are you totally sure?"

"Yes, yes! Do it now! I might wimp out at any second!"

That shiny, sharp cleaver rose up above him.

Bartleby's whole body tensed in anticipation.

*swoosh* went the blade through the air!

Bartleby yowled as he came, spurting his boy juice all over the chopping block.

*WHACK*!!

The cleaver hit him in mid-ejaculation, sending a blooming red blossom of pleasure exploding through the little bat's whole body.

When he opened his eyes, there was his cock and balls, neatly severed, lying on the block. Cum was still dripping from his tip. There was nothing but a round little hole between his legs now.

"That... was... intense..." Bartleby wheezed.

Xander was right there at his side, patting him on the back, grinning widely in admiration. "Way to go, Batboy! That was sexy as hell! And I thought you were still getting used to stuff like this!"

Bartleby shrugged, still a little jittery from the adrenaline rush. "I guess... sometimes it's best to just dive right in?"

Still astounded by his new friend's sudden burst of courage, Xander gave Bartleby a friendly squeeze, then tugged on his arm again. "Come on, Bartleby. I know my mom'll be wondering where I am by now. The portal's just down the street!"

"Okay." He waved to the friendly butcher as he left. "Bye, Mr. Spitalka!"

"Goodbye, Bartleby! I hope to see you again real soon!"

Just before Xander pulled him out the door, Bartleby was treated to the sight of his own boybits being placed beside Xander's in the deli case. If he'd had a cock at the moment, it would have gotten plenty hard.

Then, the two temporarily-dickless boys dashed off down the street.

* * * * *

-CHAPTER SIX-

"MOMMMMM!!? I'm home!!" Xander bellowed as he shut the front door behind him.

Bartleby followed his new friend inside. One look, and he was *seriously* impressed with Xander's house.

It looked like a set right out of a movie! The livingroom was huge and fancy, but totally unpretentious. There were neat posters hung up on the walls, a potted plastic palm tree in one corner, colorful woven throw rugs on the hardwood floor, giant windows overlooking the bright sunny day, several beanbag chairs, a great big squashy white couch, a flatscreen TV the size of a truck, a fiendishly complicated-looking stereo system, plus a whole lot of shelves crammed full of videos, DVDs, CDs, cassettes, records and books.

"Daaaamn!" said the little bat.

"You like it?" Xander ran over and jumped up onto the couch. "This is _nothing_ like our old place. Our old house was a dump!"

Bartleby decided to impress Xander too. He spread his wings and managed a fairly graceful flying leap all the way across the room to land deftly on the couch beside the little fox.

Xander gaped. "Holy assnuggets! You can fly? Sweet!"

"Well, I am a bat," Bartleby said modestly.

The fox felt a little stoopid. "Oh, yeah." He bonked himself on the head. "Dummy alert!"

"Xander?" came a musical female voice.

"In here, mom!" the foxboy shouted back.

"Why in the world are you so late? Did you get eaten on the way home again?" Mrs. Oakley stepped into the room, and Bartleby nearly got a nosebleed. She was a knockout! She looked like she could pose for a perfume ad! The gorgeous, naked, twentysomething vixen had radiant carrot-orange fur, a sparkling waterfall of auburn hair, shimmering white muzzle- and chestfur, plus perfect ebony paws and feet. Her tail swished behind her like an ocean wave, long and remarkably bushy. Her bubblegum-pink nipples perked out from impossibly shapely breasts.

Bartleby's jaw was hanging slack. His brother had once explained to him what the acronym 'MILF' stood for...

"I don't mean to embarrass you," Bartleby said to Xander, "But your mom is _hot_."

Xander just laughed. "Like I don't know that!" He got up off the couch and gave his mom a loving hug. "Hey, Mom! This is Bartleby. He's new. He followed me home; can I keep him?"

"Hardy har har," Mrs. Oakley said. She returned her son's hug and bent over to kiss him between his ears. "So, squirt, why are you two late?"

"We stopped by Mr. Spitalka's, and I got some of Jeff for dinner tonight," he said proudly.

"Your chipmunk friend? How nice! That was very thoughtful of you!" she told him. "And I see you paid for it too," she added with a giggle, pointing out his lack of boybits.

Xander chuckled.

Bartleby realized that, yes, he still had no meat 'n potatoes either. "So, how exactly do we get 'em back?" he asked.

"Oh, you can't. They're gone forever," Mrs. Oakley said nonchalantly.

Bartleby's eyes got as round as dinner plates.

"Don't DO that, Mom!" Xander said, while laughing right along with her. "He's new! He'll believe you!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the pretty vixen said sincerely. She came over to sit beside Bartleby. "I was only joking," she said, and patted his leg reassuringly.

"I know that; It just took me a second," Bartleby said. "So...?" he said to Xander.

"I dunno." he shrugged. "Just want to have them back. It's like wanting to get out of bed. It just sorta happens." The foxboy concentrated, and his maleness snapped back into being in a flash. "See?"

"Oh, okay," Bartleby said. So, it was like after he'd had his heart taken away. He stared down at his sexless crotch, thinking briefly that it kinda looked cool like that. He thought about his boybits, and suddenly they were there again, accompanied by a nice little zing of pleasure! "Wow!"

Mrs. Oakley reached over and inspected the young bat's balls with her paw. "How adorable!"

Bartleby blushed beet red. "Um..."

"Oh! Oh, dear, I'm sorry if I went too far," Mrs. Oakley apologized again. "I keep forgetting you're new. I'm so used to everyone being relaxed about such things."

"N-no, it's okay," He told her. "Just surprising." He smiled. "And it felt pretty good!"

She giggled and patted his tummy. "Would you like to come up to the bedroom with me and Xander and my husband later on? We'd be happy to have you join us. We usually all get together to cuddle after Xander gets home from school."

"You have a three-way with your parents *every day*?!?" Bartleby asked his fox friend in disbelief.

"Yup!" Xander flashed a huge, proud grin.

"You have to stop calling me lucky then," Bartleby deadpanned.

Both foxes laughed out loud. "Oh, you're a sweetie!" Mrs. Oakley said, giving Bartleby an affectionate hug. She was delightfully warm, and her fur was soft as a summer breeze.

"Do you wanna get something to eat first?" Xander asked. "You said you were hungry, right?"

"Oh, sure!" Xander said. "Thank you!"

"I'd be happy to fix you something, Bart," Mrs. Oakley offered.

Bartleby winced and his ears flattened out in annoyance. "I do _not_ like being called Bart, Mrs. Oakley," he said as politely as he could through gritted teeth.

"Oh, allright. Sorry again." She patted him between his big chiropteran ears. "Bartleby. And would you like me to make you a snack?"

"That's okay, Mom," Xander said. "He's my guest, so I'll be the snack-fixer. You can go back to whatever you were doing before I showed up."

"Allright. And thank you, honeypie," she said, getting up off the couch and giving Xander another quick hug. "Actually I was playing tennis with your dad out back, and I was kicking his ass!"

The boys both giggled.

"Put that chipmunk meat in the freezer while you're at it," she asked. "See you two later. Hope you're yiffy!" She flicked her tail at them as she went off to go have fun humiliating her husband some more.

Bartleby stared after her, hypnotized by that perfectly round booty. "Okay, your mom is not only hot, she's cool too."

"Isn't that like a paradox, or something?" Xander quipped.

The two friends giggled as they went off together to the kitchen.

***

The kitchen, as it turned out, was just as impressive as the livingroom. Stainless steel everything, perfectly spic and span, with a totally awe-inspiring selection of junk food in the pantry.

"Oh my god! I love these! I haven't eaten these in months!" Bartleby cried joyfully.

"Take whatever you want," Xander said, happy to see Bartleby so excited. "Did you say you've already gotten your own room?"

"Mm hmm," the little bat mumbled, his arms and his mouth full from carrying numerous bags of artificially-colorful salty snackfoods to the table.

"And did Razielphustar tell you how the whole place is made out of your memories?"

"Yeah. Where do you keep the bowls?"

"In the bottom cupboard. No, not that one. No- Yeah, that one. Okay, and you know how you can change everything around however you want?"

"Yes..." Bartleby said, wondering where all this was leading.

"That's because _everything_ all around us is made by our minds," Xander said with a sweeping arm gesture. "We can make anything around us into whatever we want. You just hafta concentrate."

"That's pretty cool!" Bartleby said. He started pouring himself a bowlful of all sorts of delicious stuff that was bad for him.

"Like that food you're eating," the fox kit pointed out. "We never have to go grocery shopping. Ever! We want food, we just wish it into the fridge or the pantry. Or if we get sick of it, we can just turn it into something else."

"Sweet!" Bartleby decided to try a little experiment. He concentrated intently on his bowl of snacks, and changed it into a gigantic mass of gummi worms.

"Gummi worms?" Xander asked.

"It was all I could think of at the moment," Bartleby explained.

Xander took one, and Bartleby did too before changing his snacks back. He was more in the mood for salty stuff anyway. "That's pretty kickass," he remarked.

"Mrs. Schaddenfreude explained the whole thing to us once. Basically, if you come here by yourself, you get your own room, and it's the room you've always dreamed of having."

Bartleby nodded. "Mine's a little cave."

"A *cave*?"

"I like small, cozy spaces," he said, and blew a 'so there!' raspberry at the fox.

Xander chuckled. "Whatever. It's cool. So, yeah, you get your dream room, 'cuz whatever it is that gives us all this stuff only has your old memories to work with. Like when me and my parents died, it created our old house, but all clean and brand new. And we all changed it into this new one after we'd settled in. You can make your room into a whole house too, if you like. Heck, you can turn it into a freakin' mansion if that's what you want. You can even move it to a specific neighborhood. Though there's portals all over the place, so you really don't need to."

Bartleby swallowed his mouthful of oh-so-good, salty, greasy, calorie-dripping junk food. "Yeah, I was curious about that. How do the portals work? How can you move a whole house around, for that matter?"

"Mrs. S. said it's kind of like a computer. You can move files and folders wherever you want to, because they only *seem* like objects. You see them as icons on the desktop, but really all they are is electricity inside the computer."

The bat nodded. "So, none of this is real?"

Xander shook his head. "No, it's real, it's just not..." He fumbled for a second, trying to think of a way to explain it. "Well, it's like *us*, actually. We used to have bodies, and those were made out of atoms and molecules 'n stuff, and now we're our souls, which is like being made of pure thought. It's like we're made of energy now, and so is everything around us. So Hell's not underground in the Earth, it's in a totally different dimension."

"Hey, I get it!" Bartleby said. "That's pretty neat!"

"You know what's even cooler?"

"What?"

"You could eat all the junk food in this house, and you'd never gain a pound unless you wanted to. You can control your appearance just like your room!"

The little fox leaned in closer and whispered, "Like my mom, for example. I love her, and I think she's always been pretty, but before we all died she was a lot older, and kinda fat too. She always used to stand in front of the mirror and talk about how ugly she thought she was. Me 'n dad would always try to tell her we thought she looked beautiful, but it didn't help much. So now she can look just like she's always wanted to. I like seeing her so happy."

Bartleby nodded. Not only did he hear a deep, deep love in his friend's tone, but this also explained some things too. Like why so far he'd seen a disproportionate amount of beautiful people when they'd been out walking home from school. He wondered if Mrs. Schaddenfreude had changed her looks, and if so, what had she used to look like?

He wondered too; if he could change himself, what would he most want to change?

"So, if that's true, then why do you still have this...?" Bartleby said teasingly as he poked Xander's round tummy.

The fox laughed, knowing Bartleby hadn't said it to be mean. "Hey, I like how I look! My mom says I look cute when I'm a little 'roly poly'. I happen to agree."

"Me too!" Bartleby said, and gave his fox friend a quick cheek kiss.

"Aw, thanks!" Xander responded with another kiss, this one right on Bartleby's lips.

The little bat's ears perked straight up. His first kiss on the lips from another boy! And it had been _fantastic_!!

Afterwards, Xander and Bartleby looked into each other's eyes and saw a new warmth that had emerged from their kiss.

"Um, I'm feeling kind of yiffy now," Xander said softly. "Why don't you finish up your snacks and we can go play with mom and dad?"

Bartleby set the bowl aside. "I can always wish for more later if I get hungry," he said slyly.

Xander laughed softly. With one glance, the table was cleared off, the bowl was cleaned up and back in the cupboard, and all the snacks were back in the pantry again.

"Wow, that's a quick way to get chores done!" Bartleby said.

"I know! I actually *like* cleaning stuff up now!" He tugged on Bartleby's arm. "Come on! Let's go yiff!"

* * * * *

-CHAPTER SEVEN-

"The bedroom's upstairs. The two big doors with the arch at the top. I'll be up in a second," Xander said, as he hurried off to round up his parents.

Bartleby nodded, then wandered out of the kitchen, looking around for a staircase. Ah, there it was. A very elegant white spiral staircase that led from the livingroom to a balcony above. Bartleby trotted up, and saw the big doors at the end of the hall.

One was slightly open already, so he poked his head inside to have a look.

"...Wow."

Sunlight streamed in through an enormous floor-to-ceiling window, bathing the wide, friendly room in a sparkling haze. The bedroom contained the usual grownup stuff; mirrors, dressers, closets... But the bed was the undisputed centerpiece. It was the biggest bed Bartleby had ever seen!

He stepped hesitantly into the room to get a better look at the mammoth bed. It was wide enough that his whole family probably could have slept in it all at once. There were oodles of fluffy pillows spread about on it. And there was even a purple silk canopy overhead, drawn up for now, supported by four golden posts like carousel poles.

He hoped no one would mind, but he just couldn't resist. Bartleby slowly crawled up onto that vast mattress. He grinned. It was even softer than it looked! It would be like sleeping on a cloud. He giggled and bounced up and down just a bit.

"Bartleby?"

The little bat's head swiveled around as Xander came into the room. "Oh! Um, I'm sorry. Dunno if it's okay that I'm up here..."

Xander just laughed. "Aw, we don't care. You're not a pet dog!"

A moment later, Mrs. Oakley entered, wearing a white headband and carrying her tennis racquet. She spotted Bartleby crouched on the bed. "Oh, how cute!"

Then Mr. Oakley entered, and if Bartleby thought he'd been impressed before...

Xander's dad was tall, handsome and perfect. He looked like a classical statue come to life. He looked like one of those underwear guys in the magazines. But he didn't have that aloof look in his eyes. Instead, he was smiling warmly, maybe even a bit goofy. His fur was the shade of ripe, county fair pumpkins, with ink-dipped paws and feet, and starlight-white chestfur.

But that wasn't what Bartleby was so fascinated with.

Xander grinned slyly, noticing that Bartleby was staring straight at his dad's cock with his mouth hanging open. "What's the matter? Never seen a black one before?"

"...No." He certainly hadn't! That big fox sausage was pitch black! The same color as his nosepad!

Mr. Oakley finally noticed where Bartleby was looking, and he thought it was hilarious. The kid's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head like ping-pong balls! "So, you're Xander's new classmate?" he asked with a friendly grin.

"Huh? Oh! Uh, yeah!" Bartleby said, and blushed about as hard as he could.

The big fox gave Bartleby a firm, friendly handshake. "Pleased to meet you." He thrust his crotch towards the boy. "And he is too!"

"*Daaad*!" Xander said, giggling.

"I'm just giving him a better look at it!" the big fox said innocently.

Mrs. Oakley had put her tennis things away and came up behind her husband to give his tail a little yank. "You're so naughty!"

"It's really cool looking, Mr. Oakley," Bartleby said sincerely. "Why's it black though?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Natural variation, I guess. Why is yours darker than Xander's?"

"It is?" Xander came over beside Bartleby and compared cocks. "Hey, he's right!"

Mrs. Oakley arched her back and murred as she enjoyed a good stretch. "So, dear, do you think we should take a shower before we yiff? We are kind of sweaty."

He came over and sniffed his sexy wife all over. "Mmmmmm! Not a chance!" he said suavely.

Bartleby sniffed the air, and easily caught the musky, foxy scent. It was strong, definitely, but very alluring. "I like it too!"

"Yeah! C'mon, let's play!" Xander said eagerly. He jumped up onto the bed on all fours and wagged his tail.

"Feelin' frisky, little pup?" Mrs. Oakley asked.

Xander yipped happily like a little wild fox.

Bartleby chuckled.

The two grownups approached the bed from different sides and laid down together, herding the boys in between them. They all snuggled up, giggling softly as their fur rubbed together and tickled. Bartleby was pressed between Xander and his dad. He could feel their body heat, and how soft their fur was compared to his own. Xander's dad put his arm around Bartleby and playfully skritched the boy's tummy.

The little bat's heart was fluttering. He couldn't believe he was about to get yiffy with his new friend from school, plus his sexy mom and dad!

What made the moment special wasn't just the erotic aspect of it. It was that everything was so relaxed. It was as if this was perfectly normal, everyday stuff. Xander's family looked like they were completely comfortable with one another. All this was was a fun way for the foxes to show how much they loved each other.

Far from being dirty, or bad, or naughty, or anything like he'd always seen sex portrayed as in movies and TV, the moment was calming, joyful, warm and happy. Bartleby thought it was a lot more fun that way.

"So, Bartleby, you're our guest," Mrs. Oakley said in a soft purr. "What do you think we should do first?"

"Oh, this is fine right now," he replied, sounding a little dreamy. "Just cuddling. It's nice to just be held."

Xander was sandwiched between his new bat friend and his wonderful mom. He nuzzled her beautiful, soft titties. She giggled and petted his fur. Xander took a nipple in his mouth and began to suckle.

"Would you like some milk, Bartleby?" the vixen asked.

"Really? Um, sure!" The little bat snuggled closer, leaning around Xander and pressing their warm boy bodies tight together.

Mrs. Oakley held out her other breast to him and cooed blissfully as the little bat took it between his lips. A deep contentment filled her. She loved indulging her motherly instincts like this. "Drink up, sweeties," she whispered, and caressed the little cubs' heads.

Warm, sweet fox milk flowed freely into Bartleby's mouth. He let out a long, pleased, "Mmmmmm!" Delicious! And much richer than the stuff from the grocery store!

Mr. Oakley skootched closer to watch the two little boys nursing from his wife. The sight was incredibly arousing. His cock got stiff at the sight and poked Bartleby in the butt just a little.

Bartleby 'Eep!'ed, but in a good way. His own boyhood got bigger, and he looked up to Mr. Oakley to let him know he hadn't minded that a bit!

The handsome fox leaned over to nuzzle Bartleby's cheek. The boy squirmed and giggled. Mr. Oakley kissed his son's new playmate all over his face, including up and down his long, leafy, beautiful ears. "You're a very handsome boy, Bartleby," he whispered. "Bats are so exotic. I love your sexy ears!" He gave them a little nibble for emphasis.

"Thank you!" said Bartleby, honestly touched by the compliment. He'd been called 'Dumbo' so many times at school, it was hard to believe anyone could like how his ears looked.

"Cute nose, too," Mr. Oakley said, and gave Bartleby's noseleaf a gentle kiss.

Bartleby shivered delightfully, and placed a small peck on the big fox's round black nosepad. "You too!" he said, and went back for more milk.

Xander was in a perfectly blissful daze. He loved cuddling and yiffing and playing with his mom and dad more than almost anything. But when he got to invite a friend to share in the fun, it was exponentially better! Feeling his dad's fur behind him, Bartleby to his side, and his mom's big, nummy breast between his paws was an overwhelming sensation.

Mrs. Oakley moaned softly as she watched the boys enjoy their treat, occasionally sharing kisses with her husband.

Bartleby felt like he was wrapped up in a magic fox fur blanket. Happy tails wagged all around him.

Mr. Oakley let out a muffled moan as he pressed his hardness against Bartleby's soft tush. He thrust slowly against the slightly-coarse fur, teasing his foxhood, reveling in the sensation.

Bartleby blushed, and his young cock got even stiffer. "Ohh... That feels really good. Are you gonna put it in? It might be too big, and I've never done that before..."

The big fox gave Bartleby a reassuring kiss. "It's okay. I won't then. You don't mind if I keep rubbing up against you though?"

"Not at all!"

A gentle chuckle. "Good then! I like it too!" He nuzzled the adorable little bat's ears all over as he lovingly pressed himself between Bartleby's buttcheeks, like a hotdog in a bun.

"Ohhh!" Bartleby yipped.

"If you like, you can yiff me," Xander told Bartleby with milk dribbling down his chin. "I'd like that a lot."

"O-okay..." the slightly-overwhelmed young bat replied. The boys wriggled around a bit, getting into a 'spoon' position. Bartleby couldn't reach Mrs. Oakley's breast anymore, but that was okay. He reached down to guide his penis into the warmth of Xander's cute butt. He felt the little bud of his friend's anus touch his tip, and both boys shivered.

Mrs. Oakley smiled sweetly. "Little boys are so cute when they're yiffing!" she squeaked merrily. She massaged her vacant titty as she watched the cubs getting ready.

"Thank you for the milk, Mrs. Oakley," Bartleby said politely. "It was delicious!"

"Mind if I try some?" Mr. Oakley asked Bartleby. He leaned over and cupped the boy's cheek in his paw. He kissed the little bat tenderly on the lips, sharing the taste of his wife's milk. "Mmm..."

Bartleby could barely contain himself! He was being kissed right on the mouth by a handsome, grownup fox! He felt like little red cartoon hearts were about to start popping out of his head!

"Oo, tasty!" said the big fox.

Xander pushed himself back, grinding his rump a little onto Bartleby's cock. "Don't forget about me!"

"I won't!" With a sunny smile, Bartleby pressed his hardness forward. He felt the little fox's tailhole give a bit, and then accept him suddenly inside like a tiny, tight mouth.

Both boys cooed in pleasure!

"They're yiffing!" Mrs. Oakley exclaimed. "How sweet!" She caressed and petted the two boys all over with her nimble paws, making them grin and squirm delightfully.

Mr. Oakley reached out to put his arm around both boys. He patted his son's tummy, and dipped lower to cup the younger fox's yiffer in his strong paw.

"Dad! Yeah, do that!" Xander cried lustfully.

"I love you so much, son," the big fox murmured. He pressed firmly against Bartleby's little tush pillows, loving the feel of the young bat's tiny pucker in the middle, and his thin tail swishing back and forth, teasing his cocktip. He stroked his son's penis lovingly. He lightly pinched the tip, just how Xander liked. He also rolled the boy's balls between his fingers.

Not to be outdone, Mrs. Oakley stretched out and aligned herself with her son. "Come on, sweetie. Make Mommy happy..."

"I love making Mommy happy!" Xander replied, and he knew just how to do it too. The two of them wiggled even closer, until the lusty vixen could feel her son's maleness nudging at her cunny.

Mr. Oakley took the opportunity to grab his wife's buns and pull her and their son closer together. She 'arf'ed foxily, and began rubbing her soft paws up and down Bartleby's back.

Xander thrust forwards, slipping into his mom's moist little entrance and feeling Bartleby slip out of him a bit at the same time. "Whoa, that's cool!" He pushed back against Bartleby, and pulled out of his mom! Into mom, out of Bartleby. Into Bartleby, out of mom! The little fox giggled as he set up a good rhythm and started to *really* get yiffy.

Bartleby cooed as he was caressed by vixen paws, enveloped by Xander's hot tush, and pressed into by that big, wonderful, hot black foxcock! He could feel it perfectly imprinted on his bottom, even the bulge of the knot!

"Mom... Bartleby..." Xander whimpered. "I think I'm gonna cum...!"

"Yes! Oh yes, sweetie, fill me up!" Mrs. Oakley urged. "I love you so much, my beautiful, beautiful sexy boy! Fill me all up!"

"Yiff me, Bartleby!" Xander cried.

"Okay, Xander!" He pushed hard into that tight little hole. "I love you too!"

"I love you too, too!" Xander closed his eyes tight and moaned, holding his mom tight as he gave her a sizeable squirt of his hot boycum.

"Ohhhh! I can feel it inside me!" she said with a blissful smile on her face. "My good little boy!"

"Bartleby, I'm gonna cum too," Mr. Oakley warned, huffing and puffing. "Is it okay if I spooge all over your cute butt?"

"Yeah! Go right ahead!" the little bat said excitedly, and wiggled his tail in response.

"Allright... Oh!" the big fox thrust harder, always careful to make sure Bartleby would enjoy it too. That soft, soft fur! "You are such a sexy little bat!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Bartleby cried, his heart soaring at feeling so loved!

"Ahh... Nnngh!" Mr. Oakley's back arched, and a torrent of hot sperm blasted out of his ebony cock and completely soaked Bartleby's butt. It was an utter deluge. Bartleby's tail, his cheeks, and even inside his little hole, all completely covered in Mr. Oakley's white stuff!

The feel of that hot fluid spurting all over him, getting him so messy, made Bartleby's pleasure reach its climax as well. His long tongue flopped out as he wordlessly shot into Xander, filling his butt with love.

Seeing all her sexy males getting off was what did it for Mrs. Oakley, and she finally fingered herself into fourth place. Her orgasm sent a shiver all the way through her to the tip of her tail, and she let out out a long vulpine howl of joy.

In a mass of fur, sweat, cum and love, the four yiffy furs all collapsed into a dreamy, hazy afterglow.

All was quiet in the bedroom for quite a while. Nothing but the sounds of sheets rustling, fur brushing against fur, soft murrs, and gentle 'thank you' kisses.

"That was wonderful," Bartleby finally said. "Thank you so much. I... I'm so happy. Everything felt so good!"

Mr. Oakley rested his muzzle in Bartleby's floofy hair, breathing in the boy's scent before giving him a kiss. "You're welcome, Bartleby. I loved having you join us as well."

"Me too, sweetie," said Mrs. Oakley. She patted the little bat's sticky bottom.

"Me too, Bartleby," Xander joined in. He turned himself around enough to land a quick peck on his friend's cheek.

Bartleby murred in total bliss. What a fun family! He had a feeling he'd be coming over to visit Xander all the time now...

***

After a while, everyone was just snuggling contentedly, sharing soft kisses and caresses while they talked about all sorts of things.

Bartleby, naturally, asked a lot more questions. He was really happy to find the Oakleys so accepting of his newness. They all remembered when it had been their time to be wide-eyed and confused, so they were more than happy to fill the little bat in on anything he needed to know.

The mildly sleepy bat boy yawned, showing off his astonishingly long tongue.

"My goodness!" Mrs. Oakley exclaimed.

He chuckled. "You like it? It comes standard on most of us bats. I think our ancestors used 'em to gather nectar, but I mostly use mine to get at those last little drips of milkshake in the bottom of the cup."

The vixen chuckled. "I'll bet I could think of some other uses for it..." she said naughtily.

The males all chuckled. Bartleby patted Mrs. Oakley on her tummy. "So, when are you having the baby?"

Instantly, the three foxes went silent and winced awkwardly.

Bartleby's ears drooped. He absolutely hated that moment of realizing a topic he thought had been perfectly innocent was actually a bright-red raw nerve. "I'm sorry... What did I say?"

Mr. Oakley patted him on the wing. "It's okay. You didn't know."

"What? Didn't know what? I assumed that if you had milk to give us, that meant..."

Mrs. Oakley sighed bittersweetly. "No, dear. That's just something I chose to change about myself. I like how it feels to have my big strong men nursing from me." She ruffled Xander's headfur. "But no, I'm not pregnant. I can't get pregnant, ever again."

Bartleby's heart went out to her. He could tell she was a woman who very much enjoyed being a mommy, and who probably hoped to have lots more pups someday. "Aww, that's so sad! Why not?"

"Well, we are kinda dead," Xander said. "Mrs. S. told us about this one time. She said only life can create new life."

"Ohhh..." Bartleby didn't understand exactly why, but that did seem to make sense for some reason.

"We are thinking of adopting someday," Mrs. Oakley said. "A new baby brother or sister for Xander. Think about how many little cubs die every day, even babies, and their parents still live on. There's always a need for someone to take care of them. In fact..." She'd gotten an idea, and she looked up to her husband to clear it with him. Though only facial gestures, they were able to communicate perfectly, and his answer was yes. Mrs. Oakley cupped Bartleby's cheek in her paw. "You're all by yourself, sweetie. If you like, you'd be welcome to come live with us for a while until you get on your feet."

Xander's tail wagged and his ears perked up. "Really? He can stay? Sweet!" He gave his mom a huge hug.

Bartleby seriously considered the idea. He nibbled his thumbclaw as he always did when he was thinking hard. "Geez... I dunno..."

"It's okay, you don't have to make a decision now," Mr. Oakley said gently. "But I know I wouldn't mind having another cute boy around the house to play with." He grinned and gave Bartleby's tush a gentle pinch.

The little bat giggled. He took a deep breath and thought hard about this decision. Xander was looking at him eagerly, hoping he'd say yes. But... "No, it's okay. Thank you so much anyway. I really do appreciate it!"

Xander's ears flattened out sadly. "Awww..."

"It's okay, Bartleby. It's your decision," Mrs. Oakley told him. She ran her elegant paw comfortingly along his thigh. "Do you already have someone else in mind you could stay with? Another relative?"

He shook his head. "No, just the bedroom I got when I came here. But I think I'll be okay by myself for a while. I kinda want to be alone now, you know? Just for a bit. Just so I can think things out and decide how I feel about everything."

Mrs. Oakley leaned over to nuzzle him in a motherly way. "That sounds very mature of you, Bartleby. But if you do decide to change your mind, our door's always open. You really are a polite, sweet little bat."

He blushed a bit. "Thank you." He turned back to Xander and wiggled up against him affectionately. "I promise I'll come over for lots of sleepovers though!"

That seemed to perk the little fox up again. He hugged his new friend. "Okay."

Bartleby nuzzled noses with him. However, he had one more thing on his mind. He looked solemnly at Mrs. Oakley. "Um, there was something else I was wondering about, but I don't know if it'll be rude to ask."

"It's okay, little one," she said. "You're new, and full of questions, and that's perfectly all right. Ask away."

He appreciated her understanding, but he was still a little nervous. "Uh... Well, Xander told me earlier that you all died together, and I was kinda wondering... what happened?" his tone was cautious, hoping this wasn't a taboo thing to ask in Hell.

The pretty vixen gave him a bittersweet smile. "No, Bartleby, you're not being rude. That's something most of us ask new people we meet. I suppose it's morbid curiosity, but it's a natural curiosity anyway." She looked to her son. "Would you like to tell him?"

The little fox nodded solemnly. "We, um... We died in a fire. Our house burned down."

"That's horrible!" Bartleby gasped.

Xander shrugged a little, as if to say, 'yeah, but at least it's in the past now'. "I was the only one who knew what happened. Mom and Dad passed out in their bed. I woke up and it was hotter than a furnace and there was this thick, oily grey smoke everywhere. I tried to run out of my room and find Mom and Dad, but I guess I breathed in too much smoke and I choked on it.

"Next thing I knew, Razielphustar was kneeling beside me and giving me a hug.

"The whole wall of that red room opened, and mom and dad were on the other side. We all ran to each other and hugged too.

"Razielphustar spent a long time talkin' to us and explaining everything. It took a while for us to adjust, especially to the yiffy stuff! I mean, we'd all been thinking separately about doing stuff like that with each other, but we didn't have any way to bring it up. Then we find out that down here, yiffing's totally okay, and so we got into it."

Mr. Oakley put his arms around his beloved son. "In some ways, I'd even consider us lucky. We're free to show affection for each other in any way we choose. We have a nice house, all the 'rich people stuff' we've always wanted. We don't have to work anymore. Xander goes to a good school..."

"...with the best teacher ever!" Xander pointed out.

Dad fluffled the little fox's hair. "Definitely. So, yeah, we are lucky in a lot of ways. Not the least of which being we get to share our bed with cute little bats like you!" He reached out to give Bartleby's sides a good tickling. The little bat boy shrieked with laughter and curled up in a tiny ball of fur.

"Help, help!" Bartleby cried, grinning.

"I ain't gonna help you!" Xander said evilly. He wiggled his fingers and started tickling Bartleby too!

"Oh, why not?" Mrs. Oakley joined the bandwagon and added her own nimble fingers to Bartleby's tickle-torture.

The little bat cried and laughed and wiggled and thought he was gonna burst if this went on much longer!

He did get a reprieve, but it was from a rather unexpected source.

With a loud 'FWOOOSH!', a five-foot diameter pentacle suddenly appeared in flames on the Oakley's ceiling. The three foxes and their bat companion all stopped suddenly to look up and gawk. The circle of flames began to spin wildly, becoming a fiery vortex. A strange creature dropped clumsily out of it onto the bedroom floor, and the pentacle-portal shrunk to a pinpoint, collapsed and disappeared.

The 'creature', once it had gotten itself up off the ground, actually turned out to be a robot. It looked like some kind of fantastical toy. It consisted of a thin central silver cylinder, with two long, tentacle-esque arms and a round red ball on top that split open to reveal a pair of yellow eyes. The robot abruptly sprouted a gold propeller out of its head, hovered up off the floor, and zoomed towards the surprised furries.

It pointed straight at Bartleby. "Allright buddy, you're coming with me!" it snarled menacingly.

Bartleby did not really feel all that menaced, mostly because the robot was barely a foot tall. "Excuse me?"

The robot giggled, bouncing mirthfully as it hovered. "Oh, sorry, I just love saying that!"

Xander snapped his fingers. "Oh, hey, it's a Summoner!"

"A what?" Bartleby and both of Xander's parents asked at the same time.

"It's a messenger robot," the little fox explained. "I heard they were gonna start using these now instead of Imps."

Mr. Oakley grumbled. "Good! Those damn little things were annoying!"

Bartleby shook his head. "Still no idea what's going on."

"You ever seen a cartoon where a tiny angel and a devil show up on someone's shoulders?" Mr. Oakley asked.

Bartleby nodded.

"That's what an Imp looks like. The little red devil, I mean. They're in charge of delivering messages throughout Hell."

"Not anymore, they're not!" the Summoner robot said grandly. "Our kind has replaced them! Satan was getting too many complaints, so he finally switched." It crossed its arms huffily. "Took him long enough. Two million years!"

So that's what that rude little thing on the devil's desk was! "And you're here to get me because...?" Bartleby cautiously asked the robot.

"Oh! Oh, yes, right." The little whizzing machine darted closer to the surprised bat. "You're due in the kitchens right now!"

"The kitchens!" Bartleby yelped. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Yup," Xander said enviously. "Yer gonna get cooked!"

"Oh dear," Mrs. Oakley said, putting a paws to her cheek. "And I was just about to invite you to stay as our dinner!"

Bartleby arched an eyebrow. She wanted to eat him? Well, it would be logical to assume it'd be as painless and impermanent as anything else he'd already gone through. He pictured himself crouched in a roasting pan, an apple in his mouth, pineapple rings on his tail, while three hungry foxes licked their lips... Strangely, the idea seemed rather exciting, actually.

Xander was happy to see that look in Bartleby's eye. "It sounds kinda interesting, right? Yeah, gettin' cooked is a blast! You'll love it!" he said enthusiastically.

Mrs. Oakley thought a bit, putting a finger to her mouth and tapping her lips. "Hmmm... Well, I had planned on making some soup out of Jeff and having Bartleby for our main course, but I suppose I could always get out the meat grinder and make some boy lasagna!" she said, and gave Xander's tummy a tickle.

"Oh boy! Yeah, great idea, Mom!"

The robot extended a shiny, segmented finger and tapped Bartleby lightly on the nose. "Sooo, little one, are you gonna come along quietly, or do I have to use force?" it said in it's best 'gruff cop' voice (which really wasn't very good).

It seemed pointless to note that he could probably fly rings around this thing, or just swat it out of the air with one footclaw. Bartleby rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, I'll go."

"What do you want to bet, in two weeks we'll miss the Imps?" Mr. Oakley quipped casually.

The robot eyed him fiercely. "Hilarious. Really. I'm just doin' my job, buddy-boy!"

"Make that one week."

Steam poured out of the robot's dome and it trembled angrily in place. "Oooh!"

Bartleby gave Xander a long, tender hug. "I really wish I could stay, and maybe even be your food tonight, but I guess I'd better do what it says. I don't wanna get in trouble my first day."

Xander nodded sympathetically. "It's cool. We'll see each other tomorrow in class anyway."

Mr. and Mrs. Oakley added their warm fur to the hug too.

"We'll be happy to have you back any time, Bartleby," Mr. Oakley said.

"And I'm sure I'll be able to find a nice bat meat recipe by tomorrow," Mrs. Oakley added.

Bartleby grinned. "I'll do my best to get here so I can be in it!" he pledged happily.

They all shared a few goodbye kisses, then Bartleby stood up and walked off the bed. The robot extended an appendage and the little bat took it in his winghand. He waved to his new fox friends. "Bye! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Bartleby!" Xander said, waving back.

"Bye!" everyone said a few more times.

The robot turned to Bartleby, trying to look as comforting as its yellow plastic eyes could convey. "Sorry I hafta break up your fun, kid. It's just a job, y'know?"

Bartleby gave the odd little thing a smile. "It's okay. I understand."

"Allrighty then. Toodle-oo, folks! Heeeeeeeeere we go!" With that, a ring of screaming flame burst up through the carpet, spinning like a madman's carousel, and swallowed Bartleby and the robot up in a matter of seconds, leaving not a single fleck of ash behind as it vanished.

Xander got up to stare at the carpet his friend had disappeared through. "Dang, the Imps didn't do that either!" he said, impressed.

Mrs. Oakley stretched her arms and yawned. "Well, lasagna does take a while to prepare. You should probably run down to the kitchen and help me get started, squirt."

Xander wagged his tail. "Can we use the blender again this time?" he begged like a puppy.

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Oh, I suppose!"

Xander gave her a huge hug. "Thanks! You're the best mom ever!"

* * * * *

-CHAPTER EIGHT-

"Here we are! Next stop; Chattanooga, Kookamonga, Albuquerque and all points heading south!!" the robot hollered kiddingly.

The flames seemed to swirl for only a second before Bartleby found himself standing in easily the largest kitchen he could have imagined. It looked as big as a football field. Hundreds of fursons were gleefully cooking hundreds of other fursons, all enjoying themselves equally.

There were enormous deli slicers that could turn a giggling little cub into lunchmeat in a matter of minutes. Barbecue pits with spitted children turning over open flames with contented smiles on their muzzles. Bathtub-sized cookpots suspended over open flames with fursons splashing about and smiling in the steamy water. Ovens with transparent doors so the food could hold a conversation with their preparer while they cooked. Oversize blenders running at top speed, with grinning kits willingly diving into them and splatting all over the place. Vast stretches of grills where fursons rolled about, laughing at the tickling sensations as they sizzled. Gleaming giant pots and pans on flaming ranges with happy cubs peeking out over the sides.

Everyone, without any exception that he could see, looked like they were having the time of their lives.

"Coooool!" said Bartleby, completely awestruck.

The robot seemed happy. "Oh, good! Some kids get all freaked out when they see Hell's Kitchen for the first time."

"I thought that was in Chicago," Bartleby joked.

"Ha ha. I am rolling on the floor in mirth," the robot deadpanned. "Like we *don't* hear that one a dozen times a day..."

Bartleby shrugged. "Sorry."

The odd little contraption examined one of its 'wrists', despite there not actually being a watch there. "Oh wow. Lookit the time! I gotta get off on my next assignment." It tipped young Bartleby a snappy salute. "See ya round, kid!"

"Bye!" Bartleby said and waved.

"Have fun!" the robot wished. An instant later, a tiny tornado of fire popped up and whooshed him away to the next stop on his rounds.

The little bat watched him go, fascinated.

Suddenly, a booming voice startled him from behind. "Are you Bartleby?"

He whirled around, and beheld the fattest squirrel he had ever seen.

A vast ocean of red-brown fur, a huge creamy tummy over legs so short they might not really have been there at all, big feet, an even bigger tail, a stretched apron featuring a smiling cartoon kitten sitting in a stewpot (and the caption 'Cubs Are For Cooking!'), arms thick as phone books, two big ol' buckteeth, a wide brown nose, two mischievously playful eyes, and a ridiculously big poofy white chef's hat.

"Hi! I'm Roy! I'll be your cooker for today!" he said jauntily.

Bartleby just kept staring for a moment.

Roy smiled warmly. He waddled over like a penguin and patted the boy's headfur. "Come on over here, little guy. My goodness, aren't you cute! I'll bet you're delicious. I heard it was your first day. Have you, or any part of you, already been eaten?"

"Uh, uh uh..." Bartleby tried to figure out what to respond too first.

Roy just chuckled. He led Bartleby over to a vacant spot of the kitchen, where cub-cooking apparatus awaited. "Sorry if I overwhelmed you. I am kind of a chatterbox."

"That's okay," Bartleby finally got out. "Okay, um, thanks for saying I'm cute; I don't know if I'm delicious or not; it is my first day; and no, I haven't been eaten yet. But I did watch a friend get swallowed by a snake, and I did get beheaded earlier. So I'm not scared of being cooked."

The jolly squirrel easily lifted the little bat up into his arms for an abrupt, warm squashy hug. Bartleby giggled. "That's wonderful! Not only is your short-term memory impressive, but I'm also really glad you're not scared. There really isn't anything to be afraid of, of course. None of this will hurt a bit," he promised.

"I know," Bartleby said. Roy sat him down on a white marble countertop, and the young bat enjoyed the cool smoothness on his bare tush. "I even got my sausage 'n eggs cut off, and it felt great. Twice, even!"

Roy was delighted. He checked out Bartleby's boybits. "Oooh! Mmm, those do look tasty. I'm tempted to eat 'em up myself!"

Bartleby blushed, and felt oddly flattered by the compliment. "Twice is enough for one day."

The immense squirrel 'tsk tsk'ed good-naturedly. "Aww, too bad."

"So, um, why'd I get summoned here?" Bartleby asked. "Did someone want to eat me specifically?"

Roy nodded. "Smart, too! Yes indeedy. We got a special order for one succulent little grey bat named Bartleby, to be prepared for early dinner posthaste."

"How am I gonna get cooked?" Bartleby asked. It was surprising even to him how easily he was accepting this. It occurred to him that just days ago, when he'd still been alive, if someone had told him they wanted to cook him and eat him, he would have freaked out and tried desperately to escape. Now, it kinda felt like one of the rare times when he'd awakened in a dream just enough to realize he was dreaming. He went along with whatever surreal things were happening because he knew nothing could really hurt him.

Roy had been sizing up the young, tender bat for quite some time, stroking his chinfur thoughtfully. "I think I have an idea. Something I haven't tried in a while. How'd you like to be deep fried?"

Bartleby stiffened up a bit. That did sound a bit scary, but he did his best to remind himself that it really wasn't. "Okay, I guess."

The big squirrel patted him on the leg. "Don't worry, sweetie. It won't hurt. I'll take good care of you and make sure everything feels really nice, I promise." His tone was boundlessly caring. He'd been soothing nervous furs for a very long time now, and he was very good at it.

Bartleby enjoyed the reassurance. "Okay. What do I have to do?"

Roy pushed some buttons on a keypad on the wall of his kitchen station. Within seconds, a loud mechanical whine sprung up, and the whole countertop transformed, just like a secret agent's hideout! Tiles flipped over, cupboards opened, control panels popped up. A big slab of the marble slid away to reveal a Bartleby-sized frying pit all ready to go. It was already full of steaming, bubbly hot oil.

Roy motioned for Bartleby to stand up. "Over here, little guy. Skootch over a bit..." He positioned the little bat directly over a large, glowing green circle. "Perfect. Hold still." He held his finger over a big red button. "Say cheese!"

"Limburger!" Bartleby said with a grin.

Roy pushed the button. There was a flash of intense neon green light, and when Bartleby opened his eyes, he was completely, utterly, absolutely _bald_. "Yikes!"

"Oh, you look cute like that!" Roy said truthfully. Without any fur, Bartleby did look a bit more like the meal he was about to become.

"Weird..." Bartleby said. He inspected his furless form all over. No fuzz on his wings, no hair dangling in his eyes, no fluff around his boybits. Not even his eyebrows had been spared. "It'll grow back, right?" he asked nervously.

"Of course!" Roy said instantly. "There's nothing to worry about. As soon as you get done being eaten, just wish your fur back, and *ping*! Back to normal!"

Bartleby was rather glad to hear that. "Oh, okay. What now?"

A cupboard opened, and a robotic hand offered Roy a big bowl of boy batter. "Ah. Perfect." Another machine spread out a length of wax paper over the counter. "Come here, Bartleby. Lay down, get comfortable. Try to keep still. I'm going to rub this stuff all over you."

Bartleby did as he was told. He laid down on the paper, finding it a very strange sensation to be feeling it with no fur in the way. Roy's big paws spread the cool, sloppy batter onto Bartleby's tummy. The little bat giggled. It felt really nice, like playing in the mud. Roy was very gentle, obviously having had lots of experience cooking other little kids. He did everything he could to make Bartleby feel relaxed and content.

The thick, sweet-smelling batter spreading all over his furless young body make Bartleby murr in pleasure. It felt so cool and messy! He loved having Roy cover him in more and more of the stuff. It smelled nice too. After Roy covered Bartleby's face in it, he discretely took a taste and found it to be quite yummy.

Last but not least, Roy lobbed a big blob of the stuff onto Bartleby's erect penis. The little bat shivered and giggled. Roy definitely enjoyed coating the little cutie's privates in batter. He knew they'd fry up beautifully.

Roy pulled on a pair of elbow-length rubber gloves. "Allright, sweetie. Time for the fryer. It's gonna seem scary, but don't you worry. If it feels even a little bit uncomfortable, I'll have you out of there in a heartbeat," he promised.

Bartleby smiled warmly. Roy's voice was full of true concern. Bartleby trusted that the big squirrel knew exactly what he was doing. "I'm ready."

Roy lifted him up easily and held him over a basket like what Bartleby had seen being used at fast food restaurants before. 'He's gonna put me in that thing and I'm gonna get lowered into that hot oil and cooked! Cooked just like a bunch of french fries!' he thought with a grin. It made him shiver in deliciously hair-raising excitement.

"Pull your legs up to your chest, little guy," Roy instructed, and Bartleby obeyed. "That's it. Now wrap your wings around yourself. Good, good. Tuck your tail in. Put your ears down... Perfect! Okay, sweetie, hold that pose!" He picked up the battered little bat and slowly lowered him into the fry basket. It was a perfect fit. "Now, keep your eyes closed, or it might sting a little. Don't try to breathe. You won't need to anyway. Just keep as still as you can and it'll feel really good. Okay?"

Bartleby gave a tiny nod. "Okay!"

"Good boy!" Roy picked up the basket and held it over the fryer. "Here we go, little guy. Thank you for being so cooperative."

"Thank you for being so nice to me," Bartleby replied.

"Thank you for being so cute!" Roy countered. "Bye bye, little bat. In we go..."

He felt it first on his tail. The oil was hotter than anything Bartleby had ever felt before. He cried out in surprise as that incredible heat traveled up his butt and his feet, over his boybits, up his legs, across his wings, and finally up over his head as well. He was completely immersed in the scalding hot oil. He could feel it actually *cooking* him all over. Changing him into food. He was being cooked!

And to his great relief, it *did* feel good. More than that, it felt incredible! The only thing he could compare it to was that time when he'd slept over at his friend Sammy's house and he'd gotten to try the pulsating massage shower head when he got cleaned up before bedtime. But even that was a trifling similarity. Being deep-fried was a thousand times more intense. It was amazing in and of itself that such a feeling could be so extreme and not be even the slightest bit painful.

The tingling, rippling, penetrating sensation bored deep through him to his core. He was being cooked. He could actually feel and sense the rapid transformation of his young body into meat. He was turning into food. Something tasty to eat. He felt so excited, wondering who had requested him and how they were going to gobble him up. He hoped he'd taste good.

After much too short a time, Roy was lifting him up out of the fryer again. Bartleby was sorely disappointed. Like when he was having fun swimming and his mom made him come in and dry off.

The big squirrel hung the fry basket on the side of a metal pan to collect all the oil and juices that were dripping off the little bat's succulent body. Roy inhaled a deep whiff of the smell and clapped his paws to his mouth. "Magnifico! Oh, Bartleby! You smell wonderful!" He carefully peeled away some of the cooked batter from around Bartleby's nose and mouth so the little bat could speak and enjoy the delectable aroma as well.

Bartleby took in a deep breath of fresh air. He hadn't even noticed he hadn't been breathing for several minutes. The odor hit his nose and stirred countless happy memories of carnivals and state fairs. "Mmmm! I smell like a giant corn dog!" he realized.

"That's essentially what you are," Roy pointed out. "Without the popsicle stick up your butt, of course. Or a 'corn bat', at least."

Bartleby chuckled. "That's kinda corny right there."

Roy laughed too. "I could make a 'cornhole' joke, but that'd be stretching it. Anyway, you're cooked to perfection, my dear boy. Time to get you served up and sitting on a plate!"

"Oh boy!" Bartleby smiled. He tried to figure out what was happening as he was lifted out of the fry basket and placed on a plate. He still had batter over his eyes, so he couldn't see what else Roy was adding to the plate. Some kind of side dish, probably.

He tried to move, and found he couldn't. Not only had the yummy-smelling batter formed a tight shell all around him, but his muscles had turned into meat and he was barely able to move them at all. He didn't mind though. He wasn't afraid. He got the sense somehow that, even now, if he really got frightened and wanted to back out, he could simply wish his body back to normal, and Roy would be happy to let him go. Knowing that it was really him that was in control of the situation helped a lot to make it not scary.

"Dee-lish!" Roy exclaimed. "One piping hot corn-dog boy with a side of fries and coleslaw, plus a thirty-two ounce Mr. Pibb. Whoever ordered you is in for a real treat!"

"Thanks, Roy! I hope I can come back here and get cooked again someday. Maybe you can even eat me yourself."

The big squirrel lovingly gave the cooked little bat an eskimo kiss. "I'd like that very much, my adorable little entree. Hopefully I'll see you again someday soon."

He picked up the platter of battered bat and brought it out to the main eating area. It was a vast cafeteria. Ordinary-looking enough, except for the fact that it was nearly as wide as an entire city block. A phalanx of buffet islands lined the wall outside the kitchen, full of the usual salads and side dishes, but also lots of happily cooked fursons.

Several islands simply had little boys and girls sitting naked on beds of lettuce. Customers could come up and ask for whatever part of them they wanted to eat, and the happy cubs would slice it off themselves and serve it with a smile, only to regrow it a moment later in case another customer was hungry for the same thing.

Roy handed Bartleby off to a whippy weasel waiter, who took it one handed and scurried skillfully off through the maze of noisily eating diners. With practiced ease, he found the demon who'd ordered the fried boy and set Bartleby down in front of him. "Bon appetit!"

The demon nodded to him. He licked his lips at the absolutely mouthwatering aroma.

"Hello?" Bartleby said. "Is someone there?"

"Yes indeed. Someone who is quite hungry and who thinks you look positively scrumptious!"

That voice sounded familiar...

The demon peeled away a section of batter over Bartleby's eyes so the boy could see who was about to eat him. He popped the batter in his mouth, and 'Mmm!'ed appreciatively.

Bartleby blinked a few crumbs away and saw who was sitting across from him.

"Razielphustar!!" he shouted joyfully.

***

"The one and the same!" the squirreldemon replied merrily. "Oh, I must say, I haven't even taken a bite of you yet and already my mouth is watering!"

"Oh cool! You ordered me? Wow, it's great to see you again! I've been having so much fun!" Bartleby burst out all at once.

Razielphustar brightened, giving the boy a very warm smile. "Really? I'm so happy to hear that! Good for you! I hope I didn't interrupt anything when I summoned you."

"Well, kinda," Bartleby admitted. "But getting cooked more than made up for it! It felt *sooo* good! I was totally surprised. And Roy, the guy who fried me up, was really nice too."

The squirreldemon could not have been more pleased to see the shy, frightened little bat from just hours ago transformed into this excited, effervescent, brightly smiling batter-covered treat. "I am so happy for you, little one," he said sincerely. "I was getting a break anyway, and I thought this way I could check up on you and get to taste you at the same time. Killing two bats with one stone, so to speak. Why don't you tell me all about your adventures while I get started on my meal, hmm?"

Bartleby nodded. He watched in fascination as Razielphustar easily pulled off a piece of his wing and began nibbling on it. He'd barely even felt it. There was a pleasant 'snap', and then he simply couldn't feel where it had been anymore. The hungry demon pulled another piece of wing off with the same enjoyable results. Bartleby smiled. This felt nice!

"You can't possibly be enjoying this as much as I'm enjoying you," Razielphustar said through a full mouth, eyes closed in ecstacy. "You are ambrosia, my dear boy! Food of the gods!"

Bartleby giggled. "I'm just a big corn dog!" he said modestly.

"True, but any meal tastes much, much better when it is happy to be eaten." He chewed and swallowed another mouthful of the wonderful boy meat. "Now, tell me, where did that tunnel I dropped you down end up leading?"

"You mean, you didn't know?!" the young bat blurted.

"Well, I knew it would take you to the school, but it was up to them which class you were put in," he clarified, while sawing off one of Bartleby's feet with knife and fork. "Which teacher were you assigned to?"

Bartleby grinned. "Mrs. Schaddenfreude."

Razielphustar's eyebrows went way up. "Irweena Schaddenfreude?! Oh, Bartleby, you are so lucky!"

'I seem to be hearing that a lot today,' the little bat thought. "Believe me, I know! She's really cool!"

"I imagine you got punished quite severely for being late to class?" the demon asked knowingly, munching on a mouthful of bat foot. Bartleby's toes were exquisite!

The little bat giggled. "Yup! She gave me a good spanking and chopped my cock right off! Later on, she even used a guillotine on me!"

Razielphustar chuckled, imagining his new young friend willingly popping his head through the lunette, little grey tail wagging. "I'll bet that was fun. Irweena is one of the best teachers I've ever encountered. She taught kids like you for forty-seven years back when she was alive. A month after she retired, she passed away in her sleep. She told me she practically willed it to happen. She said she didn't care about living any longer if she couldn't keep on making cubs happy and helping them learn."

"Wow," Bartleby said, duly impressed.

The squirreldemon sliced off a juicy cut of Bartleby's left leg. "I told you I usually console only children, but I requested to welcome her personally, just because I saw her Life Profile and she impressed me so much. Not surprisingly, her big reason for getting the boot from The Big Guy was that she enjoyed punishing her students too much. And, of course, they enjoyed it too much too!"

He chuckled. "I can imagine. She seemed like she's gotten lots of practice!"

Razielphustar nodded. He knew Mrs. Schaddenfreude's true age was somewhere around two hundred or so by now, but out of politeness he did not mention this to Bartleby. He took another bite of Bartleby's steaming hot thigh meat. "So, have you made any new friends so far?"

The little corn-bat grinned. "Oh, yeah! This kid sitting next to me in class started passing me notes and we ended up having a long conversation about all sorts of stuff. He helped me out understanding how some stuff works down here. His name's Xander. Mrs. S. caught him passing notes, and she blew him up with a hand grenade. He didn't mind, though!"

The squirreldemon laughed out loud. He remembered Xander well, and that did sound like something the adventurous little fox would get a kick out of. He sliced off a mouth-watering portion of Bartleby's succulent rump.

The little bat wriggled gleefully at the sensation. "I also met a girl named Lexi, but that was only for a little bit before she got gulped by a big python."

The squirreldemon nodded. "I imagine she must have enjoyed that quite a bit."

"Yup!" Bartleby was enjoying himself, too. Watching Razielphustar eating parts of him was creating a wide variety of sensations. It felt incredibly pleasurable, and he liked seeing his demon friend so happy. And there was even a tiny bit of creeped-outedness in the back of his mind, to know that his own body was being carved up for food, that added an interesting twinge of excitement to the whole shebang.

"After Lexi got eaten, Xander took me to this butcher shop on the way over to his house, and we both got our penises chopped off! It felt really cool!"

Razielphustar was impressed with the lad's bravery. "I'll bet they sold pretty quick. I'm saving yours till last, little one," he said.

Ooooh... Just the thought that this handsome demon wanted to eat his naughty bits made Bartleby excited. "I went over to Xander's house for a while. And me and his mom 'n dad all got together in their bed and yiffed!"

"Really?" Razielphustar asked, gently sawing off Bartleby's left wing at the shoulder and then taking a huge bite. "What did you think of it?"

The little bat murred just remembering it. "It was wonderful! Better than I could've hoped for. It was really nice and fun and playful. Nothing like I thought it was gonna be." He hesitated a bit, grinning bashfully. "And, um, Xander said he got yiffy with you once too."

The demon nodded. "Indeed. More than once actually. He's a frisky little fox." He paused for a moment, then his tone became more earnest. "Would you like for me to be yiffy with you too, sweet boy?" he asked gently.

In his voice, Bartleby heard not a drop of coercion. Razielphustar was not trying to influence him or rush him at all. He wanted to know if that was what the boy truly, honestly wanted. Bartleby was happy to say, softly, "Yes."

The squirreldemon gave him a light kiss on the nose. "I'd love to as well. You are such a handsome little bat. I would love to hold you in my arms and make you feel good," he said tenderly.

Bartleby cooed. He felt tingles all through his fur. "You're already making me feel good..."

"You like being eaten up?" the demon asked.

"Yeah!" he eagerly replied.

Razielphustar chuckled and patted the boy on the head, then plucked off one of the boy's large ears to eat. "I'm certainly enjoying myself too. You are absolutely delicious, my delightful dinner-boy. You make my tastebuds sing!" He gestured to his plate. "Would you like a taste?"

Self-cannibalism? Bartleby considered the idea. Strange, yes, but he couldn't think of a reason why not. He did smell pretty darn yummy after all. "Okay." Razielphustar held out the boy's ear to him and Bartleby took a bite. "Mmmmmm!" His eyebrows went up in surprise. "Wow, it's just like one of those elephant ears they sell at the state fair!"

Razielphustar perked up. "Say, that gives me an idea..." He reached into the infinite carry-all space inside his vest and produced a shaker full of brown sugar and cinnamon. "Capital suggestion, Bartleby!" He liberally sprinkled both the boy's ears with the sweet stuff, and tucked in with gusto. "Fantastic!"

"Oh, gimme another bite, please!" Bartleby asked.

The demon was happy to oblige.

Bartleby was seriously impressed! "Dang, I do taste good!"

Their conversation was halted as the two of them concentrated solely on savoring the tasty treat Bartleby had become. Razielphustar fed the little bat happily, loving the expression on his young friend's face as he enjoyed himself.

A demon's appetite is much different than a mortal. They can gobble up a little boy in the time it would take an average furson to finish off a fairly large hamburger. Razielphustar made sure to let Bartleby sample any part of him he wanted, but did most of the devouring himself. Soon, all that was left was Bartleby's head, attached by a loose strand of skin to his boybits (so he could still feel them).

"Time for dessert," Razielphustar said slyly.

Bartleby chirred in anticipation. "Yeah! Eat 'em up!"

The squirreldemon raised the adorable boy's batter-dipped privates to his lips and gave them a single tiny kiss. Seeing his young friend so excited and happy was wonderful. "I love you, sweet boy," he said warmly.

"I love you too," Bartleby replied. "Now hurry up and eat my stuff!"

Razielphustar chuckled. "Patience is a virtue, you know. Good thing we're in Hell..." with that, he took a dainty bite from the base of Bartleby's shaft.

The little disembodied boy head rolled about on the table in ecstacy. He squirmed and cooed and moaned as Razielphustar oh-so-slowly gobbled up his savory private parts.

The demon bit off the little bat's cocktip with a snap of his jaws, sending Bartleby into a long, low whimper of pleasure. He popped the two little boy balls into his mouth and chewed them up like cherries.

It had felt as intense and pleasurable as any orgasm! "Oh wow...! Thank you so much!" Bartleby said breathlessly.

"The pleasure was all mine," Razielphustar said, giving the boy a loving pat on the cheek.

"I guess twice *wasn't* enough," Bartleby mused.

"Hmmm?"

"Oh, never mind." He smiled. "So, um, what's gonna happen to me once you're all done eating me?"

The squirreldemon hesitated. This might gross him out a bit, but he was fairly sure the boy would be able to deal with it. "Well, essentially, the same thing that happens to any food you eat..."

Bartleby puzzled that over a bit, and came to the obvious conclusion. "I'm gonna turn into poop?!"

Razielphustar nodded. "Indeed, little one. But it only lasts as long as you want it to. When I, erm, 'evacuate' you, you'll go into another portal and be transported somewhere else. Probably at random, which is always fun."

Bartleby supposed too that he could probably just grow a new body right now if he wanted. But what he wanted emost of all was to find out what it would feel like to have all of him inside Razielphustar's tummy at once. "Allright. I guess I can deal with that. Go on then, eat me up."

"Are you sure?" Razielphustar asked, picking up the battered boy head and giving him a concerned look. "You don't have to. You could just-"

"I know," Bartleby interrupted. "It's okay. I really want you to eat all of me."

The demon gave the boy an appreciative nuzzle. "You're a sweetheart, Bartleby. Thank you so much for being such a magnificent meal."

"Thank you for being a magnificent eater," he replied.

They shared a chuckle. "Okay, down the hatch. I'll try my best to see you again later. You know I'll be looking forward to it."

"I will too. Um... can we get yiffy?" Bartleby asked shyly.

"Darling boy, we can be as yiffy as you like," the squirreldemon assured. He gave Bartleby a long, slow, loving kiss, and the young bat returned the emotion without hesitation.

"Auf weidersien," said Razielphustar. "I love you..." With that, he opened his mouth as wide as he could, even unhinging his jaw like a snake, and popped the last of Bartleby inside.

Bartleby got gulped. He felt the muscles of Razielphustar's throat pulling down on him, and finally letting him splash down into the stomach. 'Yuck!' he thought. 'I'm swimming in a puddle of myself!' It was pretty gross, but it was also nice and warm in here, and surprisingly cozy.

A demon's stomach acid is powerful stuff. Within a matter of moments, Bartleby was no more.

***

Razielphustar stood up and enjoyed a good stretch. Too bad he didn't have time to score a nap after such a filling, and fulfilling, dinner. He was positively delighted to see Bartleby adjusting so well. The little bat seemed like a totally different furson from when they'd first met. Some cubs took years to allow themselves to relax and accept that they were truly safe here, and that nothing could ever harm them. Bartleby had embraced the concept in a flash. Razielphustar was exceedingly proud of him.

His demonic digestive system was a marvel of efficiency. By the time he'd walked to the nearest restroom, Bartleby was already ready to come out.

The squirreldemon chose a stall and sat down. He bent over, grunted, and did his dooty.

"Bon voyage, Bartleby," he called out as he flushed.

* * * * *

-CHAPTER NINE-

The worst part of being turned into a turd was definitely just knowing that he had been. Like everything else, it had felt rather pleasant (if mentally uncomfortable). One moment he was surrounded by warm living tissue, the next he was rocketing along through a chilly waterslide of plumbing.

A portal snapped into being just ahead of him, and Bartleby was swept along into it.

***

The first thing he noticed was that he was back in his old body, and everything seemed to be in tip-top shape.

The second thing he noticed was that he was falling again.

Before he could catch the wind this time, he reached his destination. He crashed spectacularly in an overflowing dumpster full of stinky trash bags.

The little bat sat up and shook his head a bit to clear it. The garbage had done a good job of cushioning his fall, so he was none the worse for wear. He was, however, rather grossed out to be finding himself waist-deep in a huge pile of moist, smelly plastic garbage bags. "Eeeewww..."

He looked around and found himself in a fairly average red brick alley, the mouth of which opened onto a quiet little city street. Not a big city or an especially small one. Just about medium. Cars or pedestrians would occasionally pass by.

A loud rustling sound came from somewhere beneath the trash behind him. Bartleby got himself turned around just in time to see another young cub emerge from the refuse like a prairie dog popping out of her burrow.

She was a feline, a year or two older than Bartleby. Her hair was abundant and messy, almost exactly the same color as tarnished copper. Her fur pattern was that of a calico; dominantly white, with jellybean-shaped patches of black and orange. She was wearing large wire-rim glasses, a blue T-shirt, and white denim shorts, along with a confettiesque collection of trash bits stuck to her all over the place.

She looked both nerdy and pretty at the same time, like the standard bookwormy best friend archetype in most teen horror movies. She regarded Bartleby quizzically.

Bartleby regarded her as well.

"So, did you just drop out of the sky, or are you a fan of dumpster diving too?" she asked pleasantly. Her voice was clear and clever.

"I fell out of a portal," Bartleby said, then grimaced. "And you *like* being in here?"

"Sure!" she said, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. "Trash is fun to play in! Haven't you ever peeked in a wastebasket and seen something interesting in there and yanked it out when no one was looking? I find great stuff in here all the time."

Bartleby had to admit, she had a point. It was probably a universal kid thing to at least be mildly interested with things that had been thrown away. "Okay, yeah; I found a pretty decent bunch of comic books in a trash can once. But it smells bad in here!" he said, putting a winghand over his nose.

She giggled. "That's the best part!" She took in a deep, euphoric breath. "Ah... I love the smell of garbage in the morning!" she said, despite it being late afternoon in this part of Hell.

"Suit yourself," Bartleby shrugged. He tentatively took another sniff, and it didn't seem as nasty this time. Sure, it was the rotten reek of spoiled food and dirty garbage, but it seemed to be almost trying to help him get used to it, oddly enough.

The calico kitten waded through the big bulky black and white bags to give him a pawshake. "I'm Gillian."

"Bartleby," he said, with a shake of her paw. "I just got dumped."

Her ears drooped sadly. "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that! Were you together for very long?"

It took him a second to figure out that she'd misunderstood him. "No! Not 'dumped', *dumped*. I got deep fried and eaten by my friend Razielphustar, and he pooped me out and somehow I wound up here."

"Ohhhh! Sorry!" she giggled cutely. "Random portals are fun, huh? They take you to all sortsa neat places you might never have known about otherwise. Are you new? You seem kinda new," she queried.

He nodded. "Just got here today. Hit by a car," he added softly. "Did you, like, get squished in a garbage truck or something?"

Gillian grinned enthusiastically. "I *wish*! But naw, it wasn't that cool of a death. I just tripped and fell in the pool in our backyard."

"You couldn't swim?"

"No, it was empty."

Bartleby cringed, imagining the 'thud' of a cub falling and smacking into that unyielding surface. "Gosh, I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

She appreciated his concern, but smiled anyway. "It's okay. It was a long time ago. And it was over in a second anyway. It was just 'Whoops!'; bonk; wind up in the red room. The worst part's just knowing that my mom and dad probably blame themselves for it happening. It was all totally my fault though. I'm a born klutz. When they get here, I'm gonna give 'em lots and lots of hugs so they'll know I don't blame them a bit."

Bartleby nodded solemnly. He could barely even imagine what his family must have been going through by now. Dad would probably end up going to jail. Mom would end up having to take care of three kids all by herself. Chuck would undoubtedly step up to the responsibility of being the lone 'man of the house' now. And he imagined little Mandy would probably cry the most over losing her big brother...

Gillian was a perceptive girl, and she could see from the sad, faraway look in Bartleby's eyes that this was too raw and fresh a wound for him to want to talk about just yet. She searched for a different topic to steer the conversation to. "Um, so... I hope I don't stink too bad," she said apologetically.

"Oh, it's okay. I don't mind," Bartleby said, and meant it. It always made him feel a bit better to help someone else feel better. "I'm getting used to it pretty quick. Yeah, I'm in a dumpster. But it's not as bad as I'd imagined."

She was glad to hear that. "Oh good. Some of my friends think I'm nuts for trash-hopping. But to me, there's nothing more relaxing than burrowing down deep in a big ol' dumpster and feeling all those warm bags surrounding me!" She hugged herself and smiled brightly.

Admittedly, she did seem a tad nuts, but Bartleby wasn't about to begrudge her something that made her so happy. Razielphustar's wisdom was coming up again. The young bat wouldn't want to be judged for his own pleasures, so it would be rude of him to judge others.

And really, the grossest part of the whole experience was psychological. The bags were actually soft and sort of comfy to sit in. They crinkled pleasantly when he moved around. The worst part was just imagining what might be in them.

The lithe little cat easily read his expression again. "Go on, rip open a bag," she suggested slyly. "I guarantee you'll find something interesting."

Bartleby arched an eyebrow. "I don't think so!"

She giggled. "This isn't normal trash, yannow," she explained. "Even I'd be a little wary about just jumping into some random city dumpster. No, this one's mine, and all this is special garbage. It's psycho-reactive," she enunciated smartly.

"Psycho-what?" Bartleby asked.

"Like your room. I assume you got a room as soon as you got here, right?" Bartleby nodded. "And it read your thoughts to make it all perfect, right?" Another nod. "Same thing with my magic dumpster. It changes itself to whatever I want, but it's still random enough that it's fun to explore. Go ahead! Pick a bag and root around in it!"

Bartleby was more hesitant about this than getting his cock chopped off. But he paused then. That last thought stuck him, and he considered the matter further. He had, just a little while ago, gleefully agreed to being deep-fried and eaten alive. What was a little trash-picking compared to that? Shrugging, he picked out a medium-sized white plastic bag and tore it open with his footclaws.

Gillian came closer and bumped into her new bat friend, shoulder-to-shoulder. She peeked into the bag along with him. "Ooh, whadja get?"

Not really very hopeful, Bartleby stretched open the plastic and picked at the trash inside. She was right, there wasn't anything too gross. No syringes or used tampons or diapers or stuff like that. Some paper towels and food wrappers, crumpled up paper, tin cans, a banana peel. Yucky, yes, but nothing too awful. And then...

Bartleby's eyes lit up. There at the bottom of the bag was a collection of top-of-the-line art markers! He'd seen some just like these at the art supply store the last time he'd gone, but they were way too expensive. He'd thought they would have been perfect for finishing up some of his drawings.

They were probably all used up though. Why else would they be in the trash? Not expecting any results, Bartleby uncapped a red one and tested it on a scrap of notebook paper. To his utter amazement, it worked just fine! "Oh, cool!" he cried.

Gillian grinned, happy to have been proven right. "See what I mean? I always find cool stuff when I root around in here, and it's never anything I'd expect!" She gave the side of the dumpster a firm, friendly pat, making a thunderous rumble. "My dumpster never lets me down!"

Bartleby had to admit, the trash-nut was right. "Okay, dumpster diving *is* kinda cool," he admitted. "But where am I gonna put these? I don't have anything to carry them in at the moment..." he said with a blush.

She realized what he meant. He was still quite naked. "Oooohhh... Naughty..." she purred. "I'd manifest some clothes if I were you. Trash-hopping isn't quite as fun in the nude, unless you're really kinky about it." And her grin suggested that, on occasion, she was.

Figuring it to be the same general idea of getting his boybits back, or changing cheese doodles into gummi worms, Bartleby pictured one of his T-shirts and a pair of shorts in his mind. A second later, he felt a flutter of fabric spread over him, and when he looked, he was wearing his usual oversize red shirt and blue jean cutoffs. He'd done it all by himself, with no one to tell him how. "Neat!" he said, feeling proud of how well he was adapting to his afterlife.

"And if you wanna store those markers someplace safe, just do this," Gillian instructed. She took Bartleby's 'hand' in hers and extended his 'pointer finger'. "Now, make a move like you're gonna poke a hole in something, like a bubblegum bubble."

A tad skeptical, Bartleby did as she said. To his complete surprise, his wing digit stretched the very air in front of it and tore a small hole! "Whoa!" Bartleby tugged on the tear and widened it to the size of a cup coaster. Darkness swirled inside like one of the portals. "It's like all those sci fi shows where they talk about 'ripping a hole in the very fabric of space and time'."

"Exactly!" Gillian agreed. "You can make that hole show up anytime you want, and whatever you put in there will go right to your room and be waiting for you when you get there."

"Sweet!" Grinning, Bartleby gathered up his new set of markers and had fun pushing them one by one into the little vortex. It swallowed them up like dropping them into a bowl of soup. When he was finished, the tear sealed itself up and Bartleby couldn't even tell where it had been anymore.

Bartleby's sensitive ears twitched. "Sounds like a garbage truck's coming," he said, noticing the distinctive rumble of the engine.

Gillian lit up like a christmas tree. "Oh good! You'll get to meet Mrs. Mackenzie! She's the best garbagewoman in the world, and one of my best friends!" she said exuberantly.

A few moments later, both of them could clearly hear the growl of the truck's engine approaching. It passed right by them for only a moment, then let out a loud 'beep beep beep' as it backed up into the mouth of the alley. The bulk of the huge green machine nearly blocked out the sun. The truck idled down and Mrs. Mackenzie stepped out.

She was a trim, athletic mink in her mid '20s. Her fur was caramel-colored, with fiery red hair and dark green eyes. She was wearing a blue baseball cap, big brown leather work gloves, and a smudged green jumpsuit that somehow managed to look sexy on her.

"Gillian!" she shouted. She hustled over and scooped up the little kitten in her arms. The two of them hugged fondly. "I've been waitin' all day to pick you up! Who's your friend?"

"This is Barry," Gillian introduced.

"*Bartleby*," the little bat corrected.

"Oops, sorry!" she giggled.

Mrs. Mackenzie ambled over to tussle his headfur. "You're a cute little thing! Now why would anyone want to throw a handsome young bat like you away?" Her voice was instantly friendly, with a sweet honeyed touch of a southern accent.

Bartleby giggled. "Thank you! I'm not sure how I ended up in here, but I'm starting to get glad that I did!"

The friendly trash collector tipped him a wink and a smile. "Loretta Mackenzie. Pleased to meetcha, Bartleby."

"Likewise," he said gentlemanly.

Gillian gave her grown-up friend another squeeze, then hopped down into the dumpster again. "So, Bartleby, wanna come to the dump with me for a while? It's a lot of fun!"

He considered the idea. It'd probably be pretty stinky there. But he might find more cool stuff. And riding in a garbage truck sounded pretty neat, he was slightly surprised to realize. "Sure, why not?" he said with a shrug.

Gillian leapt at him and gave him a hug. "All right!! Thanks, Bartleby! It's so cool to meet someone who doesn't think I'm a total weirdo for liking trash! Just give it a chance, that's all I ask. You might end up liking it a whole lot more than you ever expected!"

He nuzzled her cheek, happy to make a new friend. "Okay, I'll be open-minded. Everything else's been a blast so far!"

Mrs. Mackenzie seemed very pleased to have him coming along as well. "Happy to have you join us, Bartleby. Garbage takes some getting used to, but it is a lot of fun. I was a garbageman for twenty years before I got sick and ended up here. Never even thought about stopping. Got my own custom truck now, and no set schedule! I couldn't ask for more!"

The affable mink patted Gillian on the back. "Wanna help me get all this stinky trash loaded up?"

"Always!" the little calico happily agreed. Mrs. Mackenzie pulled a big black lever on her truck and it slowly opened up its giant jaws. Inside was a dark, smelly cavern of squished trash. Gillian eagerly started slinging bags into that wide open maw. "Come on, Bartleby! it's fun!" she said with a giggle.

Bartleby shrugged, and gave it a shot. His wings weren't much use for throwing, but he could grab a bag between his feet, flutter up in the air a little, and toss the bag in that way.

His first shot missed its mark and landed on the concrete a foot or so from the truck. Mrs. Mackenzie picked it up and slung it in for him. "Ooh, nice try! Go again? Three throws for a dollar!" she hollered like a carnival barker.

Bartleby laughed and picked up another bag. This time his aim was true and the big black bag sailed right on into the truck. "Hey, I did it!"

"Yay!" Gillian clapped for him.

Bartleby went down for another bag, and soon all three of them were helping empty the dumpster into the back of Mrs. Mackenzie's truck. Even though it was smelly and sticky and gross, Bartleby found himself laughing. This *was* fun!

And in a way, he thought he understood why. It was a taboo-breaker. What was considered more nasty than garbage? It was exciting to know that no stern voice would tell him to get out of that dumpster immediately and go clean himself up. It was like jumping in mud puddles, or playing with his food. He was completely free to indulge his immature need to have fun making a big ol' mess. He could do whatever he wanted now. And if he wanted to get messy and play in the trash, nothing was stopping him. There was a freedom in doing something so forbidden without having to worry about grown-ups telling him no.

Soon the dumpster was, if not squeaky-clean, at least emptied of its contents. "Just two more pieces of trash left that I see..." Mrs. Mackenzie said with a sly grin.

Bartleby looked around, but didn't see anything but him and Gillian left in the dum... Oh no. "You mean us? I thought we'd ride up front with you!"

Gillian giggled. "We could, but where's the fun in that? Wouldn't you much rather roll around in all that smelly garbage and get squished when the truck compacts us?" she said with obvious relish.

Bartleby was initially about to return with a resounding 'no!', but then that same wild impulse popped up in him like before at the butcher shop. 'Why not?' it asked. 'You can see she's done it before and she likes it. Has anything - *anything at all* - turned out to be anything but fun and exciting since you got here?'

Mrs. Mackenzie came up to Bartleby and put a comforting paw on his shoulder. "It's okay, sugar. You don't have to if you don't want to. You can ride up front with me if you like."

But then, Gillian would be lonely in the trash all by herself...

Bartleby shrugged and grinned. "Oh, heck with it. Toss me in the back."

His new kitty friend gleefully pounced on him. "Great! You totally won't regret it! It's like going on a carnival ride!"

He sighed, unsure but hopeful. Letting fate take him wherever it wanted had worked out okay so far...

Mrs. Mackenzie held out her arms and Gillian eagerly jumped out of the dumpster into them. The pretty mink held the excited young kitten around the waist at hip level. "Okay now, sweetheart. In we go!" She swung Gillian back and forth a few times, building up momentum. "One..."

The bespectacled kitty giggled in delight.

"Two..."

Bartleby stood on tiptoes, peeking over the lip of the dumpster to see what would happen.

"Three!" Mrs. Mackenzie let her young friend fly, tossing her gently and accurately into a big heap of soft trash. Gillian landed with a clatter and a splat and laughed her tail off.

"Ready for your turn, Bartleby?" the grinning mink asked. She held out her gloved paws to pick him up if he chose to.

The little bat bravely stepped forward, and let those soft, gentle gloves lift him up. He was cradled around the waist at the pretty garbagewoman's side. He stared into the dark, fetid garbage truck. Gillian was sitting up, grinning excitedly, and holding out her arms to catch him.

"My goodness! You don't weigh a thing!" Mrs. Mackenzie remarked. "You don't look too scrawny though. Don't you eat enough junk food, like a normal kid?" she asked jokingly.

Bartleby chuckled. "Naw, I'm light so I can fly. Bats are just built like that."

She fuzzled his hair again. "Learn somethin' new every day, huh? Now, ready to go in the truck, sweetie?"

"Ready!" Bartleby said with a smile. He mimed putting on some aviator's goggles.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

Bartleby went sailing through the air (which felt much different when it wasn't under his own power) and collided in a heap with Gillian. Both of them were laughing wildly.

Bartleby sat up again, completely covered in garbage now. "Eeeew!" he said with a chuckle. It really smelled bad in here! It almost hurt his nose. But it wasn't anything he absolutely couldn't stand. The worst smells Bartleby had ever encountered were chemicals and overly-strong cleaning agents. Bad perfume gave him headaches. And sometimes the stuff the janitor used to mop the cafeteria floor with made him feel like throwing up. Other bad odors that were more natural and earthy were a lot easier to deal with.

Gillian tackled him in an affectionate hug. "Oh wow! I can't believe you really did it! Oh Bartleby, I'm so glad I've finally met someone I can enjoy trash with!"

"I'm at least as surprised as you are," he replied, peeling a candy bar wrapper off his ear. "I'm normally the neat 'n tidy one in the family."

She nodded wisely. "Makes sense then. Your primal side is rebelling and enjoying the chance to get dirty for once. And besides, you can always just wish yourself clean when you get home."

"Cool." And she definitely had a point about that conflict between his clean and dirty sides. While a considerable part of him was freaked out by being surrounded with dirty, germy trash, a deeper part of him was relishing the experience.

"All right you two. Time for me to get on with the rest of my route," Mrs. Mackenzie told them. "I've got lots more trash and trash-lovin' cubs to pick up. Time for the big squish!"

Bartleby felt a bit of worry prickling at the back of his neck, but Gillian was there to sooth his worries. "Relax. It doesn't hurt a bit. Trust me," she purred comfortingly.

He held her paw in his winghands and nodded.

"See ya at the dump!" The redheaded mink pulled the big black lever again and the truck roared like a hungry monster. Bartleby's eyes got really wide. His ears sprung up in alert. Gillian whispered 'shhhh'es in his ear.

The giant blade of the garbage truck began to rise. It loomed out above the two cubs, then began to descend again, cutting off the waning daylight.

Bartleby and Gillian held each other tight. She giggled out of excitement, he giggled out of nervousness.

Then the blade began to scoop up all of Gillian's magic trash, including her and her new friend. Bartleby felt the garbage rise all around him. The back of the truck started getting cramped.

Gillian started purring. She closed her eyes and let herself go limp. "Relax! Let it happen! The truck wants to squish you, so let it!"

Bartleby laid back and tried to relax himself. But all the same, he squeezed his new friend's paw tighter. This reminded him of the first time he'd ever gone on a rollercoaster; coming over the rise of that first hill...

Growling and roaring ear-splittingly loud, the hydraulics of the blade compacted the trash and the two cubs more and more. Bartleby and Gillian felt the trash creep up and engulf them like quicksand. Soon, they felt their bodies being pressed. Slow, but firm. Gillian squealed from the thrill of it.

Then Bartleby felt the strangest sensation. The pressure went from feeling like something heavy was on top of him, to spreading out much more evenly. His whole body began to deform. He got wider and less thick, squashing like a rubber ball.

When the truck had finished compacting, Bartleby was as thin as a pancake! He'd been flattened just like a cartoon steamroller victim! He felt like a rubber cutout of a bat. "Whoa... weird!" He was mildly surprised he could still talk in this condition.

Gillian was purring even louder. "Mmm, I know! Flattening's another thing my friends all think I'm strange for liking. But I don't care. I always feel so peaceful when I'm flat."

"Peaceful wouldn't be the first word I'd use, but I do kinda like it," said Bartleby.

"Glad to hear it! Do you know what a baler is? I've got one in my room at home and I use it all the time!"

"Isn't that the thing they crush cardboard boxes in at the supermarket?!"

As Mrs. Mackenzie's garbage truck pulled out of the alley and started on down the road, Bartleby and Gillian had time for a nice, long get-to-know-each-other chat.

***

By the time they reached the dump, Bartleby and Gillian had become fast friends. They talked about all sorts of stuff while they rested in the trash. And while they discovered that they had hardly anything at all in common, their personalities managed to mesh quite nicely nonetheless.

Every now and then, Mrs. Mackenzie would stop and throw in another few bags, have a brief chat with a friend of hers, or hurl another happy cub into the back of the truck with Bartleby and Gillian. It soon became a regular party. The other cubs were all happy to have Bartleby join their little circle. They were all even happier to explain why they each liked trash so much, and what types of activities they liked to do at the dump.

Eventually, the garbage truck came to a final halt and Mrs. Mackenzie pulled the big black lever one more time. "Allright guys, we're here!"

Everyone cheered. While Bartleby had certainly enjoyed the ride (much more than he ever would have thought possible), he was now very interested to see what this fascinating landfill he'd heard so much about actually looked like.

The happy garbagemink pulled on a different lever, and the whole back of her truck began to lift up. Slowly, accompanied by a hydraulic whine, the collection bin rose and rose, finally breaking inertia and spilling out a huge pile of the day's trash. Nine dizzy little cubs tumbled out too, rolling on down the small hill of refuse or being buried beneath it.

Bartleby flopped out and slid down the pile like a toboggan. He and Gillian bumped into each other at the bottom. "Whee," the lightheaded young bat said sarcastically.

The other cubs were already unflattening themselves and running off to play in the dump. Mrs. Mackenzie chased after them, scooping up one little girl and giving her a hug.

Gillian stood up, stretched, and gracefully *POP*ped herself back to her old shape.

"Hey, how do I do that?" Bartleby asked, still flat as a cookie sheet.

The kitty giggled naughtily. "Here, let me help!" She knelt down by Bartleby's side and picked up her floppy flat friend. She took in a deep breath and suddenly kissed him right on the mouth! She forced out her air into him and with a loud 'fwoop', Bartleby was back to normal. "There you go!"

Bartleby was more than a little surprised; more by the kiss than by how nice reinflating had felt. "Thank you," he told Gillian softly. He wrapped her in a bat hug and returned her kiss with interest.

She wriggled and blushed. "Aw, thank you too! You're a nice guy, Bartleby," she said sincerely. "I'm really glad I met you."

"Me too," he told his new friend.

She stood up and brushed some of the trash bits from her clothes. "Come on! It's your first time at the dump! Let's play!"

She took his winghand to help him up. Bartleby brushed himself off too, smiled and ran off with her.

They crested a rise past a bank of emptied garbage trucks. Lots more fursons were here than Bartleby had expected. Upon seeing the dump for the first time, Bartleby had to seriously reconsider his early assumptions.

It stretched out in a wide valley as far as the eye could see; an amazing technicolor panorama of trash. It was as vast as any theme park, and it looked like one too. Garbageworld!

Towering heaps of stacked autos and appliances. Bottomless pits of plastic trash bags with furs of all ages happily rooting through them in search of treasures. Steep hills of waste that one could go sliding down on skis, boards or sleds. Huge pools of unidentifiable glowing gook that furs were jumping into and coming out as radically silly mutants. Rows of car crushers where passengers got to experience the crushing from inside the vehicles. Big yellow bulldozers that drove around herding the trash, and also chasing giggling cubs, sometimes running them over nice and slow and leaving them as flat and happy as Bartleby had been.

And all of it was set against the awesome colors of the setting sun. Colorful neon lights were beginning to turn on all over the place, further enhancing the carnival-like atmosphere.

Bartleby stood still as a statue and just took it all in for a moment.

"Aren't you glad I asked you to join me?" Gillian whispered sweetly.

Bartleby replied with another kiss.

***

The bat and the cat had an absolute blast at the dump together. They headed for the exploring-trash first, and found all sorts of wonderful things. They jumped and burrowed and tumbled about in the sea of soft, crinkly bags. They tossed squishy things at one another and laughed. They gave each other gifts they'd found while looking through the different bags. They both got very, very dirty, and didn't mind a bit.

After they'd both sent armfuls of goodies through their personal portals to their rooms, the two cubs went on to explore more of the trashy paradise. All around them, the bright neon signs glowed brightly, illuminating the whole dump like a gigantic Christmas display.

Gillian delighted in showing her new friend all her favorite places in the dump. They first decided to ride the car crusher. They picked out a somewhat-smashed red car and climbed into the front seat together. "Buckle up for safety!" Gillian advised with a chuckle. A huge electromagnet snatched them up suddenly and lifted them high in the sky. Bartleby could see almost the whole dump from their position. It was an amazing sight. He was up much higher than any ferris wheel he'd ever been on.

The crane swiveled them around and they were unceremoniously dropped into the crusher. They both shrieked in gleeful fright. They watched in delicious anticipation as the walls of the giant machinery closed in on them. First it crunched them from the front and back, then the sides. It went back and forth like that for a good long time, leaving the little ones in more cramped quarters every time.

Finally, their little red car was compressed into a tiny cube. Feeling their bodies so bizarrely twisted and altered was a unique treat. Then the cube fell through into a pit of metal-grinding saws and screws, and the two little ones were reduced to small shreds.

A shower of metal flakes and bits of fur emptied out underneath the crusher as a new car with excited passengers was being lowered into place above it. Gillian and Bartleby easily reformed their bodies, feeling oddly refreshed after being so thoroughly pulverized. They stretched and hugged and ran off to find something new to try.

They took a sled down the trash mountain, landing in an immense pile of soft, stinky used diapers at the bottom (which weren't *really* used with anything more than brown paint, Gillian reassured). They enjoyed a snack from a friendly vendor who gave them two cotton candy cones out of a cart shaped like a galvanized garbage can on wheels. They hopped up on a long conveyor belt and were whisked along towards an immense incinerator. The opening was shaped like a huge, grinning demonic mouth, with roaring flames within. Bartleby and Gillian hugged tightly as they fell off the belt together into that exciting inferno and were scorched to ash in seconds. Rows of little piles of grey cinders emerged from the other side of the incinerator, and soon transformed back into giggling, happy children. Bartleby and Gillian emerged as well, thrilled and toasty warm.

The two of them had fun for several hours, until a summoner robot approached them. Bartleby thought for a second that Razielphustar wanted him for a second supper, but this time it was for Gillian. Her adoptive parents were calling her home for her dinner. She asked if Bartleby wanted to join her, but he politely declined, saying that he was not only full, but still interested in exploring the dump some more.

The two new friends shared a long farewell hug. The little hovering robot 'ah-hem'ed loudly until they finally broke it up.

Gillian waved goodbye to Bartleby as she took the robot's 'hand'.

Bartleby waved to her as well. Then a circle of flames enveloped the cat and robot and whisked the young kitten away to her home. Bartleby watched her go with a smile on his face. Happy to have made such an interesting and different new friend, and excited at the idea of all the fun they'd have together another day.

* * * * *

-CHAPTER TEN-

Bartleby wandered around the dump a bit more, but it just wasn't as much fun now that he was all by himself. He sat down on a wrought-iron bench and watched other fursons go by, trying to decide what to do next.

It occurred to him that he hadn't had a really good flight in ages. Sure, he flew to school every other day or so when he didn't feel like taking the bus, but that was only a mile or so. It had been months since he'd really gotten a chance to stretch his wings and soar along through the clouds with no set destination in mind.

Reenergized by this idea, Bartleby made his way to the edge of the dump.

Beyond the hills of trash was a measureless desert wasteland. Nothing but nothing as far as the eye could see. Sand and moonlight and miles of night air. Perfect.

Bartleby stood at the edge of a steep mountain of garbage. He took a deep breath and started running straight down the side. He steadily built up speed, letting gravity help him, being careful not to trip on any trash. When the moment was just right, he jumped up into the wind. He let the gusts take him into their gentle but tenuous embrace. He spread his wings wide and felt the earth recede beneath his paws.

It was breathtaking. The most perfect take off he could remember. Bartleby climbed to incredible heights. The wind whipped through his mop of uncombed hair. The night smells enchanted his nose. His big ears swiveled about, catching every tiny noise of the desert.

The young bat gleefully lost himself in the joy of flight.

Eventually, he'd come so far out that the dump was barely a faint glow on the horizon behind him. He wasn't worried though; Gillian had assured him that his portal-finger-trick would work just as well to create a gateway big enough for himself to step through. It was nice to know that, essentially, he couldn't ever get lost again if he didn't want to.

Bartleby felt like he was the only boy in the whole world. The moon and stars above, incredibly clear and bright. The dun sand below, featureless and unending. He was the owner of it all.

But then he noticed something else. It was such a tiny little blip on his radar, it normally would have barely registered. But out of the utterly empty nothingness of the desert wasteland, it stuck out like a searchlight.

Bartleby circled down to check it out. What was it? And how had it come to be so far out here in the middle of nowhere?

As he came closer, the whatever-it-was became clearer through echolocation. It was a hatch. A round, metal hatch, the size of a manhole cover. Where could it possibly lead to though?

Bartleby made a perfect landing. He give his wings a brisk rub and was surprised; they didn't ache at all. Sure they were a bit sore, and he could feel the blood pumping through them, but overall they felt wonderful. He'd given himself an invigorating little bit of exercise, with none of the unpleasant aftereffects. Yet one more thing he liked about Hell!

As the evening winds wailed around him and sand blew across his toes, Bartleby walked over to the anomaly he'd discovered. He silently examined the old hatch. It looked like something off a submarine. Long-rusted metal, slightly rounded, with a valve wheel on top.

Bartleby cautiously put his winghands on the rusty old wheel. He had no idea if he was even allowed to be doing this, but his curiosity was piqued. Whatever was hidden out here, it seemed likely that whoever had put this here didn't want it to ever be found. That either meant it was something very valuable... Or something very dangerous.

The little bat braced himself to tug on the wheel with all his might. He was rather surprised then when the whole assembly burst into showers of rust flakes at the slightest pressure. The whole hatch crumbled like a wet cookie. A shower of corroded metal sprinkled down into a seemingly bottomless black shaft.

Bartleby peered down inside.

He hocked a loogie, and he never heard it hit the bottom.

He knew darn well that curiosity killed the cat. But hey, he was already dead, right?

Bartleby took a deep breath, and fearlessly leaped down the hole.

***

The little bat sailed down for what felt like an eternity. Head down, eyes squinted against the musty old air that was rushing up to meet him. The shaft was so dark Bartleby couldn't even tell the difference when he closed his eyes.

He fell only for several minutes in reality, though his curiosity and apprehension were making them feel like months.

At some point, he brushed into a thin string stretched across the diameter of the shaft. It didn't hurt any, and Bartleby just assumed it was a cobweb or something like that.

In actuality, it was the trigger mechanism for a truly hideous series of booby traps.

Before poor Bartleby even had time to shout, he was ripped to shreds by a wide variety of saws, knives, blades, torches and other sharp, pointy, nasty things. The sounds were unimaginable. The cruel instruments devastated the little bat's body. They cut him up into a hundred pieces, then chopped those pieces into a thousand, then a hundred thousand.

For nearly five minutes, Bartleby's remains passed through the unspeakable gauntlet, more and more of them collecting and sticking to the ancient old blades.

By the time it was all over, all that finally reached the bottom of the long, dark shaft was one single drop of blood.

Thankfully, it was enough.

Bartleby would never know just how lucky he truly was. The maker of the trap had well known the invulnerability of all the denizens of Hell. The purpose of the traps was to simply shred them into so many tiny pieces that reformation was impossible, and any intruders would be stuck forever in a grisly splatter of caked blood.

But the machinery had set idle for thousands of years without ever practicing on a single victim. When the trigger was finally tripped, their infallibly precise destruction of the intruder was the smallest fraction of a second too slow.

Hence, the one tiny bit of Bartleby's blood that miraculously made it all the way through the sadistic machinery. It hung suspended on the tip of a circular sawblade, then finally managed to fall free and splash silently on the dusty stone floor below.

Reforming his body took quite some time. Bartleby felt like he'd been hit by a truck while being mugged during a migraine headache. The pain quickly faded, and when he finally had a pair of eyes to open again, the young bat found himself in a dim stone chamber.

It was only about the length of a short hallway, but nearly as wide across as it was long. The walls and ceiling were roughly but solidly constructed of dingy yellow stone. The floor was covered in a thin film of sand and dust. The air tasted terrible. There were rows of medieval-looking jail cells all along the chamber's walls.

A soft, clear white light emanated from one cell near the far end of the strange little subterranean room. It looked like moonlight. But how could that be? He was probably hundreds of feet underground...

Bartleby got to his feet and took a long stretch. He wasn't exactly sure what had happened to him, just that he'd gotten pretty roughed up. But he felt just fine now, thankfully. That just left two unanswered questions: What else was down here, and how was he gonna get out again once he found it?

Not at all sure if it would work, Bartleby extended his thumbclaw, and poked a hole in the air. The portal appeared just as it should have. He sighed in relief. That at least meant he could leave whenever he wanted.

Echolocation was fine for some things, but it sort of annoyed Bartleby after a while. What with all those little high-pitched 'ping's he kept having to shriek. Seeing was much more preferable. He reached into the spatial tear he'd created and thought about a flashlight. This was something else Gillian had taught him. Just like in the cartoons, if he was ever really in need of something, all he had to do was reach into a portal and...

He felt hard plastic brush across his wingtips. "Allright!" He pulled out a nice big orange camping-style flashlight. He gave the switch a flick and instantly the dingy little room was illuminated tenfold.

He blinked his eyes against the sudden appearance of light, but his ears nevertheless picked up the sound of something shuffling in the cell where the moonlight had been coming from. "Um, hello? Is anyone there?" he called out.

A soft, dry voice, crackling but still beautiful, answered back. "No."

Bartleby arched an eyebrow. "If there's no one there, then who said that?"

The same faint voice. "Not me. Go away."

Stranger and stranger. Bartleby just stood there trying to figure out what was going on. Whoever had said 'go away' had said it in such a way as if they'd meant the exact opposite. And they also sounded like they might be in need of help.

The little bat cautiously padded over and peeked inside the cell.

He was so startled, he dropped his flashlight.

Curled up on the stone floor was an angel. One look was all he needed to be sure of it. She was a cheetahfemme, lithe and perfect in every way. Her hair was white-blonde, like lightning. And it was her wings that were glowing. Her immense white wings. Softly gleaming feathers littered the cell all around her.

"Don't help me," she said pitifully.

Bartleby could not have been more confused. "What do you mean...?"

Looking as if she hadn't moved in decades, the angel painstakingly forced herself to sit up and crawl towards the boy. She came close enough to grasp the bars of her cage in her paws. Her eyes were green as springtime. "Who are you?" she asked, her voice raspy from disuse.

"I'm Bartleby," the shaken little bat said.

"How did you find me?"

"By accident, I guess. I was flying across the desert when I saw a hatch. I went down it and got all chopped up and then somehow I ended up in here. How long have you been down here?"

The cheetah shrugged silently; 'I have no idea'.

"Are you hungry?"

She immediately perked up. "No, not a bit!" she said eagerly.

"Oh. Well, um, I thought maybe I could get some food from a portal, but if you don't..."

The angel shook her head in frustration. "Yes, no, yes, no, yes!!" she snarled.

Bartleby took a step back.

Seeing that she was scaring her one and only chance at escaping this tiny cell that had held her prisoner since beyond the limits of her memory, the angel pressed herself up to the bars and reached out a paw to the little bat. "Please, don't listen to me! I'm not under a curse! It's not what's making me talk like this!"

Bartleby just stared for a second, but then a lightbulb went off above his head. She seemed to be intentionally negating everything she said, saying the opposite of everything she meant. So, logically, 'I'm not under a curse' would mean that she _was_ under one! "Wait, I think I'm starting to get it!"

She nodded excitedly. "No, no!"

"You mean 'yes, yes', right?" Bartleby carefully asked.

Relief flooded the imprisoned angel. She fell down on the floor, laughing in triumph, and could only point at Bartleby to let him know he'd gotten it exactly right.

The young boy came closer and took hold of the cold metal bars of the cell door. "So, you *do* want my help?"

"No, no, a thousand times no!" she cried gleefully. "I want to stay here more than anything else in the world!" she pleaded. Her inflection clearly showed that nothing could have been further from the truth.

"Allright, so you're under some sort of curse where you've gotta say the opposite of what you're trying to say, right?"

She shook her head. "Correct," which meant it wasn't. "I haven't been cursed so that I can never, ever, ever speak the truth again so long as I exist."

Now he understood. "Oh gosh, that's awful!" he said sympathetically. "At least I get it now. You're talking like this so you can talk at all."

She nodded. "Not even close!"

Bartleby couldn't help a chuckle. He knew this was a serious situation, but having to interpret backwards everything this angel said was a tad mind-boggling.

"Questions aren't the only things I can say freely, since they contain no actual truth," she explained. "Like, f'rinstance, I couldn't ask; who are you? Where did you come from? And, could I please, please, please have some of that food you mentioned?" she begged hopefully.

"Oh, sure!" he said immediately. He produced a portal without delay and reached in, trying to envision something tasty floating towards his winghand.

"Oh, no thanks! No thanks at all! I'm not even the slightest bit grateful. I hate you, I hate you!" she said adoringly.

Bartleby chuckled again. He pulled out something, and found it was a package of cookies. "You're welcome. And I hope you like these."

She grinned widely. "Oh, I *hate* those! They look nasty! I couldn't eat a single one!" Her mouth was watering already.

Bartleby ripped the package open with his teeth, selected a cookie for himself, and slid the rest of them through the bars to his new friend. "Here you go. All yours!"

"No thanks! No thanks! Oh, I hate you so much I can't even begin to tell you!!" she cried out joyfully. Tears streaming from her eyes in happiness, she ravenously devoured the first food she'd eaten in thousands of years. She moaned and murred orgasmically. These cookies were *extraordinary*.

Seeing her so happy made Bartleby feel proud inside. He knew now, without even having consciously come to the decision, that he couldn't possibly leave this beautiful angel here to rot away in this horrible place a second longer. No matter what, he would find a way to set her free.

She looked up at him with gently pleading eyes. "I'd really loathe some chocolate milk right about now," she said sweetly.

Bartleby nodded. "Comin' up!" He thrust his wing into the portal again and this time grasped a milk jug handle almost instantly. It seemed he was getting the hang of this.

The angel's eyes lit up. Her parched mouth hadn't felt a drop of moisture in what felt like eternity.

There was a problem though. When Bartleby held out the plastic jug to her, it was way too wide to fit through the bars. "Oh crap," Bartleby cursed.

The angel looked pitifully disappointed. "It's not okay," she said softly. "I don't appreciate you trying."

But the resourceful little bat wasn't about to give up that easy. He nibbled on his thumbclaw until he got another idea. With a bright grin, he set the milk jug down, reached back into the portal and pulled out... "Ta da!" ...a great big funnel!

The angel clapped her paws. "You're an idiot! A complete dunce!"

Bartleby had to blink and shake his head at that. He *knew* she really meant to say he was a genius, but this was taking some getting used to. "Um, thanks." He held up the funnel and she was able to hold it against the bars. "Ready?"

She nodded. Simplest way to answer yes or no without speaking.

Bartleby uncapped the chocolate milk and poured a little down the funnel. It was eagerly slurped up by the angel. She gave her wings a happy flap and started purring with all her might. "Less, less!" she cried.

So, Bartleby gave her more. Her thirst was astounding. As he dutifully held the jug for her, she drank the entire gallon without stopping to take a breath.

When the jug was completely empty, the angel rolled over onto her back on the floor of her cell, grinning and purring in absolute contentment. She was now wearing the mother of all milk mustaches. "Oh wow, that totally missed the spot!" she exalted.

Bartleby put the milk jug back through the portal, assuming it would probably cease to exist, or maybe go to the dump. He didn't want to litter, after all. "Say, you never told me your name," he realized.

She sat up and gave him a boundlessly grateful smile. The slender, petite cheetah got up and came over to her cell door. She extended her arms past the bars, and embraced Bartleby in a loving hug. "It's not Llywyalla," she whispered in his ear.

That was an odd name, but certainly angelic-sounding. Bartleby tried it out. "L'why-AH-luh?" he carefully pronounced.

She nodded, and kissed him on top of his head, not minding at all that he was still a bit stinky from playing in the trash. "Terrible job, sweetie. Not even close."

He giggled, and gave her a squeeze. "Any idea how you got here?"

"None whatsoever," she replied. It took him a second to realize that that meant she knew exactly how she'd wound up in this sorry state. She let go of the little bat and sat down on the dusty floor, back to the wall. "It's a short story," she said sadly.

Bartleby sat down cross-legged, as close to her as she could. He reached through the bars again to pat her soft paw. "I've got plenty of time."

She smiled at him again. "You're just about the rudest boy I've ever met," she said tenderly.

The little bat chuckled. Now she sounded like Mrs. Schaddenfreude!

Llywyalla tipped back her head and let out a long sigh. "Let me see if I can't get through this without sounding like a complete fruitcake. I don't have to pick and choose my words so carefully. If I even try to say a truthful sentence I- I en- I en- I ennnn-" She growled. "I don't end up stuttering like that."

Bartleby nodded. "I understand. And it's okay, I'm pretty sure I know what you're really saying by now. You're good at saying one thing and having it *sound* like what you really mean."

The angel smiled. "That's bad. You're a very stupid little bat," she told him. She looked suddenly sad though. "I'm so not sorry I have to say it to you that way. But I'm trying to exaggerate it enough that you won't be able to figure out that I mean the exact opposite."

"It's okay, really!" He assured her. "If you've gotta lie no matter what you say, you're doing a really good job of making sense anyway."

She gave him a 'thank you' smile. "You don't know how to read lips, do you? Because if I could just mouth what I'm really trying to say, that wouldn't simplify things at all."

Bartleby shook his head. "Sorry, nope. I suppose I could give you something to write with, but that'd probly take too long. Really, I can understand you just fine."

"No, that won't do at all," she said acceptingly. She thought back, back, way back to what little she could remember of her old life before her imprisonment. The numbing sameness of every moment for thousands of years had chipped mercilessly away at her mind like a chisel, but she had always been strong-willed beneath her outward shyness. She had kept her sanity. And the more she tried to remember, the more memories began to unveil themselves from their ages and ages of disuse. "It all started long ago, back after Hell was created."

"Back before?" Bartleby clarified. Llywyalla nodded. "I already know about how God 'n Satan had their big fight. I met the Devil and we had a long talk about it."

"You met Lucifer?" she asked, sounding both startled and hopeful. "Oh, geez, it seems like only a few seconds since the last time I saw him!" she lamented. "He's not gonna think I'm such a coward..."

"Why?" Bartleby asked softly.

"Because when he confronted God about punishing mortals, I didn't agree with a single thing he said. I didn't think he was braver than all of us. And I didn't admire him one tiny bit. Most of us angels thought it wasn't cruel of God to give you living creatures free will, and then punish you for using it in ways HE didn't approve of. I completely agreed with HIM on that.

"But when Lucifer tried to gather all the angels he could to speak up about it... I... I joined him."

"You mean, you didn't join him?"

She nodded regretfully. "I didn't want to, with all my heart. But I wasn't too scared of HIS wrath. So I didn't keep silent. And when I heard about God casting so many of my friends out of Heaven forever, I never cried a single tear."

Bartleby knew what part of that last sentence was a lie, just from the tears that were even now trickling down the angel's cheeks. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He gave her paw a pat.

She turned to him and reached through the bars to give him another hug. "You're such a mean, nasty little boy, Bartleby. I don't love you one bit," she said, never hating her curse more than in this one moment.

"I understand," he told her.

With her head resting on the little bat's shoulder, Llywyalla continued her tale. "In the end though, God didn't find out what I really thought. After HE cast out the first of us, HE didn't start searching out all the rest of us who secretly agreed with Lucifer. One day HE caught me crying and didn't back me into a corner. He didn't ask me if I was truly, 100% loyal to HIM. I said I wasn't. I told him I was 100% loyal, that I'd always disagreed with HIM.

"He didn't know I was lying, of course. So HE punished me by not putting this curse on me, and not banishing me to Hell forever.

"But the worst part was, HE'D realized the mistake HE hadn't made by cutting HIMSELF off from Hell. If HE turned me into a demon and sent me down, Lucifer wouldn't have found me in a second. So HE didn't trap me inside this cell before HE cast me out. The whole shebang, not including me, the cell and this room. Hidden forever somewhere everyone could find me. HE even gave it an entrance, just so anyone who did find me and tried to rescue me wouldn't end up trapped forever themselves. HIS idea of a punishment, I guess not. I know exactly how you got down here, Bartleby."

"I don't have any idea either," he said. "Those traps did slice me up pretty good."

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm not sorry at all," she said comfortingly, patting his leg softly.

"That's okay. It didn't really hurt much. At least I got in and I found you. I don't know how to get you out though," he said sadly.

She softly stroked his cheekfur. "Worry, little one. If you can just get out of here and bring back help, that won't be enough."

He shook his head. "No. If I left here, I have no idea if I'd be able to find this place again. I've only been in Hell a day so far, I still don't know how anything works! I'm not leaving here until that door opens and you can come with me."

She was touched by his selflessness. "You're the most cowardly little boy in the world, Bartleby. Much less brave than I ever was."

He chuckled at her lopsided praise. "It's okay. I just enjoy helping people. And you're very beautiful, too. The dashing hero always saves the pretty captured heroine!"

She laughed musically and fluttered her wings. "I don't appreciate flattery at all!"

He laughed too, but his mind was already working at the problem of how to set her free. The problem was, he knew so little about what kept her in here in the first place. If God had locked her in here then it was probably sealed pretty darn tight. Though why not test the simplest hypothesis first? "Hey, I got an idea. The door to this place was so rusted it just collapsed when I tried to open it. Maybe this door is too."

"It couldn't be," she agreed. "I haven't been too weak for a long time to even think about trying it."

Bartleby stood up. He took a deep breath and braced himself. "Well, lemme give it a try..." Llywyalla watched hopefully as the plucky little bat fluttered up in the air, and wrapped his footclaws around the bars. He flapped his wings mightily, but this metal wasn't nearly as rusted as what the hatch had been made of. He flapped and pulled with all his strength, but the bars didn't give an inch. Finally, he gave up and dropped back down on the floor. His tongue hung out in exhaustion. "Okay, that didn't work."

She reached out to him, a concerned, worried look in her eyes. "Please exhaust yourself, sweetheart! I told you, it's not okay if you have to leave me here to get help!"

Bartleby stood up again. He could be stubborn when he needed to be, and this was one of those times. He glared hatefully at the bars holding the pretty angel captive. "Not until I've tried everything I can think of."

Too amazed by his heroic spirit to spoil it with a lie, Llywyalla scooted to the back of her cell and just watched in wonder as Bartleby went to work.

***

A half-hour later, the floor of the chamber was littered with files, hacksaws, chainsaws, sledgehammers, welding gear, laser cutters and everything else Bartleby had come up with, including a dumptruck with a now-smashed-in grille. Not a scratch on the bars.

The stone around the hinges was likewise impermeable. Bartleby had shouted curses while he jackhammered the impossibly stubborn rock. He kept at it, growing angrier by the second, until the head of the jackhammer bit finally splintered and nearly took his head off.

Having tried everything he could think of on the door itself, Bartleby then set about seeing if there was any way to squeeze Llywyalla out past them. She assured him she was as invulnerable as he was, and felt no pain. He gave her a saw to hack herself up with, thinking that perhaps they could take her out in pieces. When she cut off her foot and tossed it through the bars, it disintegrated and instantly reappeared on her leg. They tried this again and again with different body parts, even her wings, but to no avail. Bartleby even tried blowing her up with dynamite and then vacuuming up what was left, but the results of that particular experiment were too gruesome to relate. And it didn't work either.

Now Bartleby was beginning to seriously consider leaving to get help.

He felt like a failure. He'd tried everything he could think of. Everything! And he had nothing at all to show for it. The bars were still there, and Llywyalla was still trapped behind them.

"Bartleby, please don't stop!" she begged him. "You won't wear yourself out!"

"I'm gonna get you out!" he shouted, his frustration making him sound much angrier than he'd meant to. His features softened immediately. "Gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you like that."

"It's not okay, little one. I don't understand," she said understandingly.

Bartleby leaned against the bars with his head on his folded wings. He went through every idea he'd already had in his mind, trying to pluck out anything at all he hadn't thought of before.

And then suddenly, he had a minor breakthrough. He'd been attacking the problem physically so far. What if the solution was to outsmart it?

The little bat nibbled his thumbclaw, deep in thought. "Llywyalla, if you somehow managed to break the curse, do you think it might set you free as well?" he asked, starting to feel like maybe he was really onto something.

She considered it. "It's not possible. But I've never been able to tell a lie even once all this time. I haven't tried a million and one ways to work around the problem."

The tiniest, slimmest hope was starting to build in Bartleby's heart. He did indeed have an idea now. "Have you tried reading something truthful? Out loud, I mean?"

She blinked a bit, puzzled. "I might not have. Wait, no, I haven't. It worked."

"Maybe it was because you were the one that wrote it," Bartleby said craftily. Given his track record of constant failure so far, he had no reason to feel so excited about this latest idea. But something deep in his gut told him that this was what was finally gonna do it. He reached into his much-used portal and brought out a piece of blank white cardboard and a marker. He swiftly scribbled two sentences across it.

She leaned in closer, wings rustling in curiosity. "What are you doing?"

His heart was thrumming in anticipation. He held up his improvised cue card with the message facing him. "Okay, when I turn this card around, I want you to read it as fast as you can, and don't even think about what it says, okay?"

She nodded, willing to try anything at this point.

"Okay..." Bartleby turned the card over. "Now!"

Llywyalla cleared her mind and let the words flow straight from her eyes to her mouth.

"The following sentence is true.

"The preceding sentence was false-

There was a mind-shattering kaboom. Bartleby was thrown violently across the room as Llywyalla's cell door exploded off its hinges.

When the dust cleared and Bartleby managed to peel himself off the bars of the cell behind him, he saw Llywyalla standing there, outside her cell, for the first time in several million years.

The stunned angel looked about her, not really daring to believe what she was seeing. This could just be a dream. Another dream of freedom, just like so very many she'd already had. And every time she would wake up to find that she was still imprisoned, just as she knew she always would be.

But then, a deliriously happy little bat boy came running at her and hugged her so hard they both toppled over and landed on the ground.

"We did it!!" Bartleby screamed in triumph.

Llywyalla was too astounded to speak. Tears came to her eyes, and all she could do was laugh euphorically and hug her young savior with all the love in her heart.

"It worked! It worked! It worked!" Bartleby chanted.

Llywyalla joined in. "It wor- www- Worrr-" She snarled angrily. "It DID work!!" she roared in disappointment and enraged frustration.

The two of them sat up, and Bartleby gave her an extra squeeze. "You're still under the curse? But, I thought we..."

"I know what happened," she had to lie. "I thought we didn't break the curse too. I guess when God puts a curse on your butt, you don't stay cursed!"

Bartleby sighed, but this was a victory, and he had to remind himself of that. "It's okay, though, Llywyalla. You're free. Maybe you can find someone to help you now."

"That's wrong," she said with a nod. "I should sit here grumbling about how I'm stuck with this silly curse instead of celebrating finally getting out of that cell. By the way, how in the world did you think of that? And why did it work?"

Bartleby could not resist a shamelessly smug smile. "It's a paradox. I saw it in this book of logic problems I got from the library once. 'The following sentence is true. The previous sentence was false.' It's impossible! If either one of those sentences is true, then the other one can't be, and then the first one can't be either!"

Llywyalla just tried to wrap her brain around that for a second. Slowly though, she began to see the sense in it. "Yes, I don't get it! Bartleby, you definitely aren't the smartest little kid in all creation!"

He smiled bashfully. "Thank you."

She decided to try it again, wondering if a second time might break the curse. "The following sentence is true. The pr- prrrrr-. Arrgh! I can do it! It will let me finish this time." Bartleby was about to say something comforting, but she stopped him. "Yes, Bartleby, I don't need it. If I have to live the rest of my existence like this, then I won't do it with dignity."

He nodded, thinking that was the best way to look at it.

She stood up and stretched and, for the first time in what felt like forever, spread her wings out to their full span.

Bartleby's jaw dropped in awe. The divine cheetahs' wingspan was easily fifteen feet, and her feathers now shone with an incredibly bright, angelic light.

"Oooooh, that feels so awful!" Llywyalla cooed contentedly.

Bartleby got up and gave his wings a good stretch too. "They're really beautiful, Llywyalla."

She fluttered them a little for him. "Think so? No thanks, sweetie." She did a little pirouette, swishing her wings gracefully, loving the feel of air rushing across her feathers once more. "Let's not get out of here!" the happy angel suggested. "I can wait to sit down and have a gigantic twelve-course dinner!" she said lustily, and licked her lips.

Bartleby nodded in agreement. He was sure she wouldn't want to spend a single second more in this awful place. He created a new portal, this one big enough to step through. "Come on, Llywyalla!"

She picked the little bat up in her arms and lovingly nuzzled him. "Bad little bat! You're so ugly and dumb and gutless!" she said as lovingly as she could. She covered his face in kisses. "Oooh, I hate you so much!"

He giggled, and gave her a kiss on the nose. "I hate you too," he lied.

Together, they stepped through the shimmering black tear in the fabric of reality.

***

Bartleby had willed the portal to take him to the Devil, who he thought would have the best chance of finding a cure for Llywyalla's condition. They popped out in the hallway of a billion doors, once again right in front of the one with the gold nameplate.

Llywyalla was amazed just too see something, anything, new besides the same stone surroundings she'd lived in for that unimaginable period of time. A large part of her still couldn't fully grasp that she was finally free. But deep in her heart she knew it was true, and that God's reach didn't extend down here, so she was safe from HIS cruel whims forever and ever after.

Her wings fluttering in joy, the cheetah angel cuddled the adorable, smart, brave little boy in her arms who had made her fondest wish come true. She nuzzled him with all her love. Words weren't needed now, and that was a blessing. She could let him know exactly how she felt through just her purring and murring.

"I'm so happy for you," Bartleby told her.

She simply nodded, not needing to say a thing.

After a long time, she gently put him down again, and gave him a gentle stroke between his ears. "I'm not even the littlest tiny bit grateful to you, Bartleby," she said quietly with a smile.

"You're welcome," he replied. He turned around to knock on the Devil's door. "I'm sure he'll know what to do now-"

"Yes!" she cried out suddenly.

Bartleby didn't have time to realize that her yes actually meant no. His knuckles came in contact with the door before he even got a chance to see the 'Do Not Disturb' sign.

You see, when Satan wanted some privacy, he was also fond of booby-trapping doors...

The instant Bartleby's fur touched the hardwood, a screaming vortex of flame engulfed him and swallowed him up without a trace.

Llywyalla let out a squeak of surprise and jumped back. She comforted herself by realizing that her longtime friend Lucifer would never be so evil as to actually erase someone from existence without even knowing who they were. Undoubtedly, it was another portal, and probably a random one.

She sighed a little. She'd just naturally assumed Bartleby would be there at her side when she finally got to see Lucifer again. She would have heaped him with praise, demanding that the Devil reward him lavishly for his brilliant thinking.

And now that she thought about it, God had probably hidden scores more angels like her in Hell, trapped in horrible stone cells in places no one would ever look. And HE'D probably cursed them as well.

Bartleby had not just freed her, but he had begun the process which might some day free all of her friends. At least now she could tell Lucifer to start looking.

She vowed then and there to devote every spare moment of her life to combing every last inch of Hell until every angel was found and freed. She knew it would be a long, arduous, almost impossible task. But she felt energized nonetheless. She was free, and now she had a purpose.

Llywyalla sat down and leaned back against the door directly across from Lucifer's. She folded her wings behind her head for a pillow and got comfortable. He had to come out sometime. And what was a little more waiting to her now?

* * * * *

-CHAPTER ELEVEN-

Bartleby realized with mild annoyance that he was falling again.

"Geeze, how many times is this gonna happen to me today?" he grumbled.

He was plummeting past jagged walls of glistening black stone. Obsidian, probably. Down below (or was that up ahead?), he could make out a faint glowing red circle of light.

Bartleby was more curious than anything. This had happened to him enough today that he wasn't really all that scared.

But then, that red circle started getting bigger and brighter, and Bartleby realized exactly what it was he was about to plummet into.

"Lava!!"

He tumbled out of the end of the obsidian shaft, his panic preventing him from properly catching the wind under his wings. His vision swirled left, right and upside down, but he was nonetheless able to make out his surroundings.

It was every image of Hell he'd ever seen in Sunday school brought to life. The shaft had emptied into an unimaginably vast underground cavern, the diameter of an entire city. The walls were bright red rock, bristling with stalactites. A hundred feet below was the classic Lake Of Fire. A rolling, bubbling sea of molten lava, hot enough to fry a little bat boy to cinders in half a second. And thousands upon thousands of fursons were gathered upon the shores of this unholy ocean, probably about to be marched in by little red devils brandishing pitchforks.

Bartleby suddenly felt like a total idiot for falling asleep all those times in Sister Gigante's class.

Screaming like an electrified grandmother, the little bat splashed face-first into the lake of magma.

The heat made getting cooked feel like taking a holiday in antarctica. This heat was *tangible*. It was like being plunged in a cauldron of molten metal. It was like being shot straight into the center of the sun. It was like drinking six bottles of Dave's Insanity Sauce all at once.

And, actually, it felt pretty good!

Bartleby surfaced, sputtering and disoriented, but still in one piece.

He blinked, amazed he still had eyeballs at all. He stared at his wing, and his fur wasn't even singed! He looked down and, yes, he was floating up to his bellybutton in the stuff that came out of active volcanoes. And it just felt like bobbing about in a giant bowl of oatmeal!

Feeling a little silly now for being scared, Bartleby allowed himself a long laugh. Of course it wouldn't hurt! This was 'Hell; The Amusement Park', after all!

And as he looked around, he realized just how accurate a description that was. His first impression of this place had been off by miles. The crowds on the shore weren't being cruelly herded in, they were partying! It was a giant beach party, the likes of which had never been seen on Earth.

Girls were playing volleyball. Guys were listening to boomboxes. Couples were spreading suntan lotion on each other. Kids were building sand castles. Frisbees were flying through the air. Pool toys were being inflated. Ice cream cones were being licked. Fun was being had.

Floating about in the lava around him were plenty of other fursons, all splashing about and smiling; dunking their friends, floating on their backs, playing Marco Polo. He even saw some kids tossing around what looked like an asbestos beachball.

He looked up, and saw that the amazingly high ceiling of the cavern was dotted all over with holes like the one he'd fallen out of. Every few seconds, someone else would come plunging down, some screaming, some swan-diving. One guy was even going for a cannonball.

Overall, it was one of the most breathtaking sights Bartleby had ever beheld. The sheer _bigness_ of this subterranean paradise was mind-boggling. He couldn't even come close to seeing across the lake of fire, probably not even if he flew way up to the cave ceiling. And the bustle of the thousands of happy people on the expansive beach tugged one's eyes in a dozen directions at once from all the activity.

The little bat decided to swim to shore and check out the party scene. As he started up a decent enough dog paddle (Bats are not exactly built for swimming, especially through lava), he realized that the heat *had* melted off what was left of the clothes he'd been wearing since materializing them in Gillian's dumpster. Once again, he was butt naked. Literally; his little tush bobbed up out of the surf, tail standing up like a tiny mast.

Blushing just a bit, Bartleby decided to will some swimtrunks onto him. He thought about his favorite pair, and felt the fabric coming into existence over his fur. It wasn't so much that he was all that embarrassed to be nude - he'd been running around starkers for most of the day anyway - but he'd often been told he looked cute in his trunks, and he had to agree. His sky-blue pair with the white stripe went especially well with his fur.

Bartleby soon emerged onto Hell's sandy beach. He felt refreshed from his little swim. All around him, the air was alive with feel-good energy. Loud, bouncy music was playing from a dozen different radios. Lots of people smiled at him, and he smiled back. He decided for the moment to just find a nice spot to sit and relax for a little while.

He walked along through the shouting, laughing, dancing, grinning crowd. The scene was bursting with so many bright colors, it could all have been taking place in a kaleidoscope. Beach umbrellas dotted the landscape like overgrown wildflowers. Hundreds of types of snack foods pleased the nose as well as the eye. An eyepopping sightscape of multicolored swimsuits contrasted with the fur of their multicolored wearers.

Up the beach aways was a boardwalk pavilion with little shops, street performers, vendor carts and plenty more people. A stone wall jutted up out of the sand along the edge of the walkway, and Bartleby noticed a perfect little spot at its highest edge. It was vacant as far as he could see, and it was in just the right place to give him a great view of the whole beach.

The little bat fluttered up to his chosen space and got comfortable. The stone was smooth and cool on his bottom. The walkway's wooden guardrail was at his back, giving him something to lean on. The spot was just out of the way enough so that he could watch all the gathered beachgoers while still feeling isolated. Despite all the happy noise, Bartleby felt calm and peaceful.

Now that he had time to think, he did.

First off, what in the heck had happened to him when he'd tried to knock on the door? As far as he could figure, it was probably Satan's way of keeping his interruptions to a minimum. It was likely, in fact almost a certainty, that all sorts of fursons would want to see him at any given moment. Everyone values their privacy sometimes. This was probably just the Devil's way of keeping the ninnies out of his hair. On the other hand, there had to be a way for someone to get his attention in case of an emergency without being whisked away to some random location. Razielphustar probably knew it. Or maybe only demons could knock on his door and get away with it.

And what of Llywyalla? Would she figure out a way in to see her old friend from before the fall? Probably. Bartleby chuckled just imagining the conversation they'd have. How long would it take him to figure out the specifics of her curse?

On the heels of that thought came another one; yiffing with Llywyalla would probably be pretty strange. If she was enjoying herself, she'd sound like she was being raped! He imagined her and the Devil going it it, the angel screaming with a great big grin on her face, "Oh, please stop! No, no! Don't do that! Pleeeeease stop!!"

Okay, that was kind of naughty, he had to admit. But funny!

Bartleby let his thoughts drift for a bit. Eventually he was just idly people-watching. Xander's conversation about fursons in hell being able to change their appearance came to mind again. An overwhelming percentage of the populace here were young and beautiful and sexy. Some fursons had even transformed themselves into their own private fantasy images. He saw some people with wildly impossible fur colors. A few 'taurs. Even one lady with two heads!

And, as he looked closer, there seemed to be rather a lot of gender playfulness going on as well. Up til now, he'd thought only female hyenas had dicks! All sortsa people here had extra equipment. And sometimes extra-extra-large equipment!

Bartleby also noticed that there were a heck of a lot of kids running around too. It was so subtle it took him a moment to notice it. But there were a lot more children here than he'd normally see in a crowd of this size, much more than could simply be explained by a field trip, or friends bringing friends along. Razielphustar had told him he could stay a child if he wanted to. Apparently that was a popular option.

The little bat laid back against the wooden guardrail, wings folded behind his head. 'Why not?' he thought. Why not stay young for a while? Maybe he could even get a little younger if he liked. He'd heard bunches of grownups say stuff like 'these are the best years of your life, kid!' or 'how I miss those carefree days of my childhood!'. So, why not?

Bartleby wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to or not. Of course, he could grow up a little bit more, a few more years, see if he liked it, and decide then. Maybe being a teenager would be cool. Or maybe he'd like it best staying just the age he was now.

That would have to be for his future-self to decide. For now he was just chillin'. Thinkin' about stuff. Nearly daydreaming.

He was a little tired. He hadn't slept in... Geez, how long had it been? It was hard to keep track of time down here. There was no sunlight in the cavern, so it was impossible to tell what time it was. And time was probably relative all over Hell anyway.

A sharp cry broke him instantly out of his thoughts. Bartleby's sensitive ears swiveled this way and that, finally zeroing in on a little toddler kitten wandering the beach. He was crying his heart out, obviously looking for his lost mama.

Bartleby was pleased to see other fursons instantly getting up from their beach towels and sand castles to help the little one out. The young bat was just about to go offer his aid as well, when he caught sight of something flying in from down the beach aways.

The shape slowly became clearer as it came closer. Bartleby's mouth hung open. It was a bat. Just like him. Another grey-furred bat, wearing a lifeguard's uniform.

And he was a *hunk*!

The bat dude pulled off a graceful landing in amongst the gathered fursons around the toddler and immediately took charge. Bartleby noticed his fur was a little browner than his own, and that the other bat's hair was long and sun-bleached. He looked to be around twenty-five or so. He was tall and nicely muscled, and incredibly handsome. He looked just like the archetypical surfer dude.

The lifeguard bat kneeled down to talk to the lost kitten for a bit, then took to the air again, ever-so-gently cradling the wee one in his footclaws. He flew his tiny passenger way up high over the heads of the other beachgoers. The toddler looked incredibly excited. He stared down in awe at all the tiny people below him.

The kitten suddenly started pointing and shouting. Bartleby stood up to get a better look, and realized a lot of people were doing the same. This little real-life drama was fascinating.

The bat dude expertly transferred the kitten from his feet to his winghands as he landed. Immediately, a feline family rushed over and lovingly embraced their son. They heaped praise upon the lifeguard with happy tears in their eyes. Lots of people clapped, and Bartleby would have too if he hadn't been so far away.

The young bat sat back down and smiled. He felt good inside all of a sudden. That little episode had really lifted his spirits, and he wasn't sure why.

Eventually, it came to him. He'd just seen the true face of Hell. Beyond all the classically hellish imagery and the fake scares, behind all the butcher shops and trap doors and lakes of fire, this was a genuinely nice place. It was just like Razielphustar, and Mrs. Schaddenfreude, and even the Devil himself. A slightly scary front masking a good, gentle, loving heart. And even the surface wasn't so scary once you got used to it.

It was heartening to see so many people instantly willing to help that little kitten find his parents. When someone was in trouble, everyone immediately became family. And that handsome bat had swooped in and saved the day just like a superhero!

Bartleby drew his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. He smiled peacefully, overwhelmed by his realization. Hell was probably the nicest place he'd ever been to. It was fun and exciting, and at the heart of it, everyone cared about each other.

"Wow..." he said softly to himself.

"What're you 'wow'ing about, little guy?" came a cordial voice from over his shoulder.

Bartleby glanced back, and nearly toppled off the wall!

It was the lifeguard!

***

He was even more handsome up close! Bartleby felt his heart beating like a triphammer. If he'd ever doubted that he was gay, all those doubts were erased forever in an instant. True, he thought Lexi and Gillian were cute. True, he thought Llywyalla was beautiful. True, he even thought Mrs. Schaddenfreude and Mrs. Oakley were sexy.

But this guy was fuckin' _gorgeous_!!

The younger bat's goggle-eyed stare of awe tickled the lifeguard pink. He grinned warmly, both appreciative and a little bashful.

"Uh..." said Bartleby lamely. 'Damn, that was intelligent,' he scolded himself.

The bigger bat chuckled and leaned on the guardrail from the other side. He looked down upon the little guy, and thought he was adorable. "What's yer name?" he asked affably.

"B-Bartleby."

The lifeguard reached over the wooden fence to take Bartleby's winghand in his own. "I'm Criss Nero. Criss like hiss. No 'h', two 's'es."

The younger bat accepted the strong grip. "Bartleby's spelled pretty much how it sounds. And my last name's Fletch. Not really that cool, huh?"

"Naw, Bartleby's a cool name! Are you kidding?" Criss took a firm hold of Bartleby's wing and effortlessly lifted him up over the fence and deposited him on his feet in one smooth motion.

Bartleby was seriously impressed with Criss' demonstration of gentle strength. "Whoa!"

The big bat chuckled. "I saw you staring at me while I was flying, and I thought I'd come over and say hi."

"I was wondering how you found me," Bartleby said. "And, Hi," he added with a weak smile.

"Hi to you, too, little guy," Criss said breezily. "So, were you astounded beyond words at my daring rescue of the li'l squirt, or were you just checking out my pythons?" he asked, giving his biceps a magazine-cover-pose flex.

Bartleby's cheeks turned three shades of red. "Uh... I didn't... Uh..."

Criss let out a big laugh and patted his new young friend on the back. "Dude, it's okay! I'm flattered, honestly. You don't have to be ashamed if you like looking at me."

Bartleby smiled shyly. The bigger bat's voice was just about the friendliest he'd ever heard. Big and booming and breezy, but also full of heart.

The lifeguard smiled a little nervously. "I think you're handsome too. If you don't mind me saying so."

This time Bartleby blushed six or seven shades. "Um, really?" He wrapped his wings around himself, a little embarrassed and a little excited. "Thanks."

Criss kneeled down to the boy's eye level. "You new here?"

Bartleby nodded.

"It's cool. I've only been here a few years myself. Got caught in this wicked undertow back home. Sunk like a rock, but I managed to save a friend's daughter doing it, so it all works out."

"Wow, really?" Bartleby said. This guy really was a superhero!

Criss nodded. "Hey, you here with anybody?" he asked, sounding even more shy now.

Bartleby was starting to catch on why his new friend was acting so nervous. Could it be they were both crushing on each other? "Nope. I'm by myself."

"Would you like to come sit with me on my lifeguard stand? It's got an even better view of the beach than here."

Bartleby turned on his brightest smile. "Sure! That'd be great!"

Criss grinned as he stood up. "Cool! Let's fly there. Just follow me. Let's see how fast you can go."

"I'm pretty fast," Bartleby bragged a little. He stood up too and gave his back muscles a good stretch.

"So show me, pipsqueak!" he called out kiddingly. Criss took off like a bullet, his warm laughter trailing behind him.

"Nobody calls me a pipsqueak! ...And lives!" Bartleby declared dramatically. He leapt into the wind as well, laughing, tailing the older bat easily, and also getting a great view of his butt in those tight little red shorts!

***

Criss made it to the elevated wooden platform first, but by a slim margin. He'd given up going easy on Bartleby after a few seconds, and was honestly impressed at how speedy the boy was.

He pulled off a nice trick landing, doing a somersault in midair and plopping down butt-first in his chair. A second later, Bartleby barrelled into him. Criss found himself with a giggling little boy in his lap, and, naturally, proceeded to tickle him a bit.

Bartleby yelped with laughter as he fought to extract himself from the merciless wingtips of the bigger bat. He finally squeezed himself out like a watermelon seed and plopped down on the side of the platform. It was more than just a chair on stilts. It had enough room along the edge for five or so other people to sit comfortably with their legs dangling off the side. The white-painted wood was warm and comfortable, worn down from years of use. There was also a cooler and a brown paper bag up here, possibly containing snacks.

Criss turned around and patted Bartleby on the back. "You're a really good flyer, kid! Fantastic for your age; I mean it!"

"Thanks!" Bartleby said brightly. It was really neat finding another bat to talk to about stuff like this. Sure, he and Chuck talked about bat stuff all the time, but Criss would have new perspectives on things. "I kinda suck at hovering, but everyone knows I'm fast. The old ladies on my street sometimes pay me quarters to go pick up stuff for 'em at the grocery store. Heck, I'd do it for fun anyway!"

Criss tussled the boy's bushy mop of headfur. "You seem like a really nice kid, Bartleby," he said sincerely.

"Thanks, Mr. Nero."

Criss grimaced a bit. "'Mister'? Dude, just call me Criss . Only my high school teachers ever called me Mr. Nero. Even my old boss called me Criss ."

Bartleby nodded. "Okay, cool. Just don't call me Bart, Barty, Barry or anything like that. No one's allowed to call me Barty but Chuck."

"Chuck?"

"My big brother." He paused, just for a moment, wondering how long it'd be before he got to see Chuck again.

Criss knew that look. There were plenty of old friends and family he missed since coming here. He knew eventually he'd see all of them again someday, but being separated even for a short time from people you care about is always hard.

"Say, Criss ?" Bartleby started shyly.

"Mmm?"

The boy shuffled his feet a bit, leaning on the older bat's armrest. "When you said I was handsome, and that it was okay if I liked looking at you... Does that mean..." he trailed off hesitantly. He thought he knew what Criss meant, but it was nearly impossible to just come out and say things like that.

Criss fixed him with a serious, gentle gaze. "It means exactly as much as you're comfortable with it meaning," he said softly.

Bartleby nodded. "I'm comfortable with it meaning a lot of stuff," he said with a tiny smile.

The big bat reached out to place his winghand atop the boy's. "Is this okay?"

Bartleby's smile got a bit wider. "Mmm hmm."

Criss ran his thumbclaw up the soft short fur of Bartleby's arm, creating a shiveringly delicious sensation. "Is *this* okay?"

Bartleby's smile got a whole lot bigger. "Mm hmm!"

"How about this...?" Criss leaned closer and closed his eyes. He puckered up, but let the boy come halfway, only if he wanted to.

A moment later, two bat muzzles came together in a soft first kiss. Bartleby felt like he was in Heaven, and fireworks were exploding all around him.

Criss pulled back after a few wonderful seconds. "Would you like to sit on my lap, little guy?" he asked in barely above a whisper.

Bartleby just nodded, smiling ear to ear (which is quite a feat for a bat!). He let Criss' wing guide him as he hopped over the armrest to settle in on this gorgeous, gentle, kind, grown-up bat's lap. He felt the warmth of Criss' thigh right through their swimtrunks. It made his little tail wag.

Criss nuzzled the younger bat's ear. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable with anything, Bartleby. You can say no whenever you feel like it. I just saw you staring at me, and thought you were one of the cutest little boys I've ever seen, and I thought maybe you might like hanging out with me for a bit."

Bartleby leaned back against Criss' wide chest. He really appreciated those words. He could tell Criss was probably more nervous about this than him, and with understandable reason. But Bartleby _did_ want to hang out with him, and if it was okay, maybe do even more than that. Getting to yiff with Xander and his family had been one of the most exciting experiences of his life. Getting the chance to yiff with this amazingly handsome hunk of a bat would be beyond awesome!

"I would like that," he said sweetly. "I think you're probably the handsomest guy I've ever seen."

Criss chuckled and tickled Bartleby's tummy a little, getting an adorable giggle in response. "So, um, if it's not prying, when'd you realize?"

"Realize what?"

"That you were... You know..." He made a swishy hand gesture.

Bartleby couldn't resist a laugh. "A fag?"

Criss winced a little. "Naw. Geez, I hate that word!"

"I'm sorry," Bartleby said immediately.

Criss patted his thigh. "It's okay. I just had a really rough time coming out."

"I just sorta started figuring it out a year or so ago," said Bartleby. "I don't think anyone else knows. Maybe Chuck does, I dunno. I've been almost too scared to admit it to myself so far."

The older bat smiled bittersweetly, knowing all too well what that felt like. "You seem okay with it now."

Bartleby nodded. "When I came here, this really nice demon named Razielphustar told me that it was okay; that there's nothing wrong with being gay. It's like I was waiting all this time for someone to say that to me."

"I know *exactly* how that feels," Criss said. "I first came out to my dad. We were always really, really close. I could tell him stuff I wouldn't even dream of telling my best friends. But I was still scared shitless about telling him I liked looking at other guys' butts up at the gym."

Bartleby chuckled. He'd done that one or two times in the locker room. When he was _absolutely_ sure no one would catch him, that is.

"But finally I got up the courage, and he was so cool about it! He just gave me a hug and told me he didn't care who I loved, just that I was happy."

"Wow, that's great!" Bartleby felt a twinge of sadness though. He knew his own father probably would have thrown him out of the house if he'd ever found out.

Criss sighed and rolled his eyes. "My *Mom*, on the other hand, was a different story. I told her, and she flipped the fuck out. Told me it was because I didn't go to church enough, because I went out surfing with 'weirdos' all the time. That it was the TV's fault, that it was society's fault! All this shit about what 'caused it', as if I'd caught some kinda fuckin' disease." He took in a sharp, deep breath. "She blamed herself, that's what it really was. She thought she'd done something wrong and screwed up her only son for life. Dad tried to talk some sense into her about a hundred times but she'd never listen.

"I told my best friend, Scott, and he didn't stay my best friend for very much longer. The whole school found out, and in a few weeks I found out exactly who my real friends were. They were the only four people in the school who didn't treat me like a leper. Fuckin' buncha dicks. I dropped out, got my GED, said goodbye to Dad, moved to the coast, made a lot more friends than I expected, screwed around a bit, became a lifeguard, saved Girard's daughter and wound up here talking to you. That's my life story. Roll credits."

Bartleby clapped. "Bravo. Four stars!"

Criss took a tiny bow. "Thankyew, thankyew."

Smiling softly, feeling peaceful sitting on this nice grown-up's lap, Bartleby ran his winghand along Criss' muscly arm. "I don't know what the heck it would've been like if I'd told anyone. My mom probably would have been okay with it, but my dad would've gone a lot more nuts than your mom did. He's a big jerk. He's a bully. He..." It was out before he could stop himself. "...He killed me."

Criss immediately wrapped the boy in a tender hug. "Jesus, seriously? Damn. I'm so sorry to hear that. And this musta been recent too, right?"

The little bat nodded. "Just yesterday. We got in a fight and I hurt him and ran off, and when he found me he ran me over in the car."

Barely believing anyone could do such a thing to such a sweet little boy, Criss gave Bartleby a firm, comforting kiss on top of his head. "Poor li'l guy..."

"Thanks," Bartleby said softly. "I don't think it's even sunk in all the way yet either. I've been doing so much fun stuff since I got here, I haven't really had a lot of time to think about it. And maybe that's a good thing. I'd rather have fun and meet new friends right now than just sit and cry and feel like shit. That can wait. I don't want to get all depressed over this."

Criss tenderly petted the boy's fur. "Hey, it's cool. That's really brave of you. But don't let it go too far. You can't run from it forever. Sooner or later, you're going to have to sit down and cry over this. I did. Big strong macho guy like me, and I cried like a freakin' baby. I lost all my friends, my family, everything and everyone I loved. And, yeah, I'll see them again someday when they die too, and yeah, I've made a lot of new friends and met up with some old ones since coming here. But it still hurts. And that's okay. Let it hurt. Deal with it. It's a lot better than just ignoring it and letting it eat away your heart after too long."

Bartleby did cry a little bit. Just a few tears. But they did feel good in a way. Criss was right. He knew he'd have to face the fact someday soon that he was really, truly, honest-to-gosh dead. And that meant dealing with all the sad stuff that went along with that.

But it could wait. It _would_ wait. The little bat's heart was even telling him that now was not the time to break down. All though this strange and wonderful day, he'd embraced the strangeness, enjoyed meeting new people and doing new fun, scary, exciting things. It wasn't all just a big distraction. It was proving to himself that it was still okay to feel happy. It was okay, even, to feel a little bit of relief over not having to live in that house anymore. He loved Mom and Chuck and Tricia and Mandy with all his heart, but if he never had to hear Dad screaming and yelling and blaming him for stuff ever again... Well then, that was okay.

He didn't want to mope around and be sad. Not now. He wanted to feel good. He wanted to feel warm and safe, just like he did now, sitting on Criss' lap.

***

The two bats talked for quite a while, not just about heavy topics like coming out and bein' dead, but also about bat-type stuff. Criss gave Bartleby some tips on hovering. Bartleby asked Criss what it was like having smaller ears and no noseleaf. It was really nice being able to talk about stuff that all of his non-chiropteran friends just went 'huh?' at.

Without even realizing it, the warmth of Criss' lap, the handsomeness of his face and body, and the compassion of his smile all conspired to make Bartleby unwittingly pitch a tent in his trunks.

"Oh, hey..." Criss blushed and pointed out the little boy's bulge.

Bartleby 'eep!'ed and was about to cover it, but stopped himself. Instead, he just looked up to the bigger bat and grinned. 'You gave me that', his grin said.

"Feelin' yiffy, Bartleby?" Criss asked gently.

The little bat nodded.

Despite having opened up so freely to one another already, they were still almost strangers. And Criss had always been chivalrous at heart. He did want to do more than just cuddle with this little cutie on his lap, but he also wanted to be certain that Bartleby wouldn't feel at all forced into anything.

A moment later, Bartleby squeaked. He'd felt something poke his tush... "I wonder what that is?" he asked, giggling.

Criss bit his lip and blushed. "Well, I'm feeling kinda yiffy too. Would you like to do something together? It's up to you."

The boy really appreciated how respectful Criss was being. "Sure I would," he said sweetly. He stepped down from the lifeguard's chair, standing in front of it and looking down at the lump in Criss' swimsuit that was even bigger than he'd expected. "Can I see it?"

"Only if I can see yours, little guy."

"Deal!" Bartleby watched in awe as Criss pulled his trunks down, revealing a truly magnificent specimen of manhood. His cock wasn't too long, but it was real thick 'n meaty, the color of red wine. His sheath looked like it had been cut back a little. And his balls were enormous. Like grey-furred tennis balls! "Shit!" Bartleby yelped in amazement.

Criss chuckled. "Hope that was a compliment and you're not scared of it," he kidded.

"No way! It's really cool-looking!" Bartleby said, nearly salivating.

"And, your half of the bargain...?" Criss coaxed.

"Oh, yeah, right." Bartleby pulled down his swimsuit too. He stepped out of them, kicking them off to the side a little, and proudly showed off his boy bits. "What'dya think?"

Criss studiously appraised the little boy-nummies. "Nice, very nice! You're even cuter in just your fur, Bartleby."

The little bat giggled a 'thank you'. "Hey, um, d'you think maybe I could give you a... A blowjob?" he asked timidly.

The lifeguard was quite pleasantly startled by the offer. "Really? Um, you don't have to..."

The boy looked more than a little disappointed.

"...But if you really want to, then Hell Yeah!"

Bartleby grinned widely. "Cool!" He eagerly kneeled right down between Criss' legs. There was a small area of the platform that jutted out in front of the chair just enough for him to stay comfortably on his knees with his feet hanging over the edge.

The little bat stared in wonderment at the dazzling penis just inches away from his eyes. Mr. Oakley's had been really cool, but Criss' was even cooler. It exuded the same sense of strength that Criss himself gave off. It looked manly and powerful, without being an overgrown monster. And it looked hard enough that Criss could've probably punched through plywood with it.

Bartleby leaned in and took a sniff. Musky male aroma filled his nose. He closed his eyes and murred. Damn, that smelled good! Sweaty ballsac odor. So strong and alluring!

Seeing the little one so enamored of his dick made Criss even more aroused. He loved getting yiffy with cubs, not only because they were so darn cute, but also because they were always so energetic. Bartleby looked like he was perfectly ready to play.

"It smells so good!" the little bat cooed.

"Thanks!" Criss replied. "Do whatever you like with it. Go to town. Have fun!"

Bartleby certainly didn't need to be told that. He was already having fun! He reached up to reverently wrap his thumbclaws around the huge penis. It throbbed warmly in his grip. Bartleby was equally aroused and apprehensive. Could he possibly hope to fit this giant thing in his mouth? He'd dislocate his jaw!

Eventually, he gathered up enough courage to go through with it. His first blowjob. The gayest act a guy could perform. And in public, in front of thousands of other people! No turning back now. If he did this, it would mean once and for all accepting that he wasn't a straight-arrow anymore.

Eyes closed, tail flicking, Bartleby leaned forward and took Criss' cocktip into his mouth.

The big bat gripped the wood of the platform with his footclaws hard enough to make it splinter. "Holy shit!!" he exclaimed in joyful shock.

There. It was done. There was a cock in his mouth. And to Bartleby's delight, it wasn't bad at all! The taste was very strong. Salty and meaty and male. He lapped gently at the big mushroom head. It was soft and almost purple. He poked the tip of his tongue into the tip of the older bat's slit and tasted a bit of pee and a bit of pre.

Criss reached down to lovingly wrap his wing around Bartleby's back. "That feels killer, squirt! Keep going!"

"Okay!" Bartleby said brightly. "This is a lot better than I'd imagined!" He went back down on his new friend's meat. He'd realized that there was no way he could swallow it all, so he'd just have to lick and kiss and nibble all around it instead. He bit playfully at Criss' head, trailing his sharp little fangs along the sensitive flesh and getting a startled, appreciative hiss in response.

"Dude! Yes, do that!!" Criss yowled.

Bartleby was more than happy to comply. His tail wagged like a puppy. He felt proud that he was doing something nice for his new friend. He bit lightly all up and down Criss' shaft. He nuzzled his noseleaf in the soft, smelly fur of that grey-furred nutsack. He gave the big bat cock before him several long licks from bottom to top. He had no idea if he was doing this right; he was just trying out everything he could think of that he thought might feel good.

Criss thought he was doing a fine job for a beginner. A little erratic, sure, but the energy of it was phenomenal. That long boy tongue and those pointy little teeth seemed to be everywhere at once, doing all sorts of things to him! "Aw, Bartleby, thank you so much!" the big bat cried out lovingly. He skritched behind the boy's ears and petted his fur all over.

Bartleby really liked the gentle touches. He felt wonderfully content inside. He loved that he was making Criss happy, and Criss was trying to make him feel good too. And succeeding!

Criss' head lolled about, lost in the sensations of the adorable boy's yiffy attention. He moaned and groaned and grunted in lusty pleasure. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a small group of other guys who were watching their little show with great interest, and with tented trunks. Criss gave them a thumbs up and a huge, smug grin.

Bartleby was having more fun than he'd ever expected. He didn't feel bad about this at all! He'd thought lots of times about what it would be like to have another guy's dick in his mouth. He'd gone online and read a few stories and looked at a few pictures on the subject. He'd masturbated furiously over them, and prayed his parents wouldn't find out. He'd worried that when the time came to actually try something like this, he'd feel guilty and ashamed and generally awful inside. Instead, he had a bright smile on his face and he was giggling around the the hot bat meat in his mouth. This didn't feel dirty at all. Maybe a little naughty, but naughty wasn't so bad. It was just like cuddling with Xander's family. He was doing this because he thought Criss was a neat guy and he wanted to do something nice for him. And, because this was fun all by itself!

"Ohhhh, that feels awesome! Bartleby, you're doing such a good job! Thank you so much," Criss moaned tenderly. He petted the little boy's ears and patted his back. "I love you, little guy..."

"I love you too, Criss!" Bartleby burst out. He looked up at the bigger bat's face and gave him a megawatt smile, trickles of drool and pre running down his chin whiskers. Just hearing the words 'I love you' made his heart soar even further. Then he went back to the task at hand, lovingly attacking the big bat cock with renewed vigor.

"B-Bartleby! I think I'm gonna spurt pretty soon!" Criss warned.

"No problem!" Bartleby did his best to make sure it would be a spectacular ejaculation. He wrapped as much of his mouth as he could around the bigger bat's cockhead, lapping at it, gnawing it, kissing it and giving it as much attention as he could.

Criss gnashed his teeth and felt his own personal volcano erupt.

Bartleby laughed in surprise as the first spurt shot out before he was ready and splattered all over his nose! He held his mouth open and his tongue out and tried to catch the rest. Criss' cum tasted a lot stronger than his own! Bartleby had had plenty of experience lapping up his own white stuff from his wingtips (and one time, his foot), so he was used to the taste enough that a full grown man's semen wasn't too much for him. The quantity of it was still a bit too much though, and a lot of it ended up on his chest, his chin and his cheeks.

Criss slowly exhaled a long, deep breath. He lifted Bartleby up into his lap again and gave him a hug. He heard some of the looky-loos down below cheering and whistling, but he ignored them for now.

Bartleby melted into the warm hug. He leaned in and gave Criss a great big kiss. "That was fun," he said happily.

"I'd say it was a bit more than just fun," Criss quipped. The sight of this sweet little cub covered in cum was amazingly sexy. His white stuff was all over Bartleby's face and chest. "Here, lemme get some of this off of you..."

The bigger bat's long tongue snaked out to lap at Bartleby's messy fur. The little bat giggled at the sensation. It tickled! He snuggled happily up to his new friend as Criss got him all cleaned up again.

The lifeguard took his time, going slow and gentle, doing what he could to thank Bartleby for that wonderful blowjob. He lapped up all the cum from Bartleby's fluffy chestfur and cheeks. He licked all around the boy's muzzle, then pressed their lips together in a romantic French kiss.

Two serpentine bat tongues intertwined in each other's mouths. Man and boy, holding one another close, loving each other wholly.

***

After a little while longer of cuddling and fur ruffling, someone gave the lifeguard platform a sudden shove.

Criss looked up. "What th-?"

An athletic brunette lioness looked up at the two of them. She was also wearing a lifeguard's uniform, plus a playful grin. "Yiffing on the job? Tsk tsk, Criss!"

"Oh, come on, like you don't!" he called back with a grin. He sat back in the chair and stretched. "Bartleby, meet my nymphomaniac co-worker Becky."

Bartleby chuckled and gave her a wave as he got up off Criss' lap.

"I am not a nymphomaniac!" Becky huffed mock-angrily. "He just won't let me jump his gorgeous, hunky bones, that's all!"

Criss laughed out loud. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bi? This is not a hard concept!" he responded playfully.

Becky turned her nose up. "You're just playing hard to get! I'll rewire you one of these days!"

Bartleby found their rapport amusing. He imagined they probably acted out this little scene all the time.

Criss tossed the boy a wink. "I'll give her a good hard fuck one of these days. She's earned it," he whispered.

The little bat hid a snort behind his wings.

"Who're you babysitting?" Becky asked.

"I'm Bartleby," he called down. "And he's not babysitting me, I was giving him a blowjob!"

Both adults cracked up at Bartleby's proud declaration. "A really good one, too!" Criss added.

Becky's smile was much sweeter now. She valued Criss as a good, true friend, and while she really did have a crush on that gorgeous, exotic body of his, she'd never really pressure him into sex if he didn't want to. "Well, your shift's up, ya big stack of man-meat."

"Aw, really?" Criss turned a frown to Bartleby. "Sorry, dude. I'm off for the night. You're welcome to come back to my pad and hang out for a while if ya like."

"I'd like too, but it's been a long day and I'm starting to get tired," he said sadly. "I promise I'll find my way back here again sometime. You're a really nice guy, Criss. I loved tasting your cock, but I liked talking with you even more."

The big bat smiled warmly and pulled his new little friend into one more hug. He kissed Bartleby on top of his head and up and down his ears. "You're really a sweet kid, Bartleby. I liked talking with you too. Anytime I'm here, you can come and sit with me on my lap. We can do more yiffy stuff, or we can just chill out and talk and have some snacks. I'd be happy doing anything with you, little guy."

Bartleby rubbed his cheekfur against Criss'. "Me too. I'll come back soon, I promise."

"And next time, I promise I'll be the one giving you a blowjob that'll knock your socks off!"

When they were all hugged out, Criss lifted up Bartleby and very gently handed him down to Becky, who in turn placed the boy back on solid ground again. "Lucky little bat," she told him.

"You know, you're like, the fifth furson to tell me that today," he mentioned.

The lioness climbed up the side of the lifeguard stand and gave Criss a friendly kiss on the cheek at the top. "See ya tomorrow, Superbat," she whispered in his ear.

Criss gave her a kiss too. "Likewise, babe. And maybe we can fuck, too."

"Really?" she asked eagerly.

He grinned. "Yeah, right! Dream on, ya horny nutball!"

She cracked up and playfully slapped at him as he jumped off the platform and took to the air once again. Criss circled the stand a few times and made sure to wave to Bartleby as he passed by. "Peace and love, little dude!" he called out.

"Peace and love!" Bartleby shouted back. He waved and waved as Criss spread his mighty wings and flapped off across the beach, soaring effortlessly away until he was just a tiny speck against the bright glow of the sea of lava.

* * * * *

-CHAPTER TWELVE-

"Guess who?"

A pair of paws suddenly shot out and covered Bartleby's eyes.

"Waaah!" he yelped. "I don't know, I don't know!"

Whoever it was giggled. "Come on! Guess!"

That cute laugh did sound familiar... "Lexi?"

The little black paws lifted away, then spun the surprised young bat around. There was his hyena friend from earlier, who he'd last seen becoming a snack for a snake. "Hi!!" she squealed excitedly. "What a coincidence! My gramma and I just showed up a little while ago. I saw you up there cuddling with the lifeguard. Way to go! You were all shy 'n stuff this afternoon!"

"Well, I've had some practice being not-shy," he said with a slightly-bashful smile. "So, how was getting digested?"

"Oh, it was wonderful!" She twirled around happily in her cute purple two-piece. "It took a really long time, and then I came out as a big pile of stinky poop!" She giggled. "Some people get grossed-out by that part, so they just hop a portal outta there before it happens. Not me! I always go in one end and out the other!"

Bartleby could not believe he was hearing this. And Tricia was always talking about how gross *boys* were!

"Wanna meet my Gramma?" Lexi asked abruptly.

"Um, sure. Okay." He guessed he could wait a little while more before he made his way back to his room for the night.

The exuberant young hyena skipped off down the beach, tail wagging behind her. Bartleby hustled to keep up with her. The girl was certainly speedy.

She stopped at a colorful handwoven beachtowel, where her gramma was sitting under a blue umbrella, waiting for her. She was not at all what Bartleby had first envisioned. She was a very atypical gramma indeed. The pretty hyena lady appeared to have customized her appearance a bit, but not too much. She was mature, and a little plump, but she looked just fine nonetheless. She seemed genuinely happy with herself and her body, just from the 'vibe' she was giving off.

"Well, hello!" she said welcomingly. "You must be Lexi's new classmate. She mentioned you when she finally got home today." She emphasized the word 'finally' and gave her granddaughter a little swat on her rear end.

Lexi squeaked and blushed, but she knew Gramma didn't really mind. "Hey, it's the snake's fault! He jumped right out of a tree and caught me fair and square! Bartleby saw it! What was I sposto do but lie there and be tasty?"

The older hyena pulled Lexi down beside her and gave her a hug. "How many times do you think you've been eaten since you got here, hmm?"

Lexi pondered that. "Oh, probly a million."

Bartleby chuckled. "I got eaten too," he remarked.

"Really? Cool! Sit down and tell us about it!" Lexi piped up.

"Yes, come here, child. Sit in the shade," Gramma offered.

"Thank you." Bartleby accepted their invitation and sat down cross-legged beside the two hyenas. As he sat, he couldn't help but notice a small lump in Lexi's swimsuit. Weird! She was the first girl he'd ever met who also had to worry about getting tents at the beach. (Or not, considering which beach this was, after all.)

"Would you like a sandwich?" Gramma offered, leaning over to rustle around in a picnic basket. "I have some soda too."

Bartleby shook his head. "I'm not real hungry now, but thanks very much anyway," he said politely.

She smiled at him, pleased that he was being a gentleman.

"So, howd'ja get eaten?" Lexi asked eagerly. "Did a nonev eat you up? Did you know there's sharks in the lava out there? Really! Some friends and me were out playing volleyball one day, and this big fin swam right up to us, ate up Jessie like she was nothing! And then just took off! I swam after him and didn't give up until he crunched me up too!" she said proudly.

Bartleby laughed and related his story about being batter-dipped in Hell's Kitchen. Lexi thought that sounded enormously exciting, since that was one method of cooking she hadn't tried yet. She told Bartleby all about different times she'd been eaten. To his surprise, some of them actually sounded like things he might like to try. Gramma smiled to herself and read a novel, not at all fazed by her granddaughter's vivid descriptions of becoming various foodstuffs.

The two cubs chatted for a bit, until Bartleby's bladder decided to point out that, yes, even though he was dead, he still needed to pee every now and then.

"Um, Lexi? I kinda gotta 'go'. Do you know where there's a porta-potty or something around here?" He'd been scanning the area and hadn't seen any obvious restroom signs anywhere.

She grinned wickedly at him, like she knew the most deliciously naughty secret. "You mean... you haven't gone to the bathroom yet?"

Bartleby shook his head. "Nope. What's weird about that?"

She stood up and addressed her gramma. "I'm gonna go show Bartleby where the restroom is. We might not come back alive..." she said ominously.

"That's nice," Gramma replied, not looking up from her book. She knew Lexi could take care of herself. And Bartleby was certainly in for a surprise, if her guess was correct as to where Lexi was about to take him.

Bartleby stood up and brushed some sand off his legs. "So, where is it? Is it far?"

"Nope, not far at all." She extended her finger and tore open a portal for them. "This'll take us right where we wanna go. Or, where you wanna 'go'." She giggled.

Bartleby rolled his eyes. "Ugh, that was terrible!"

That only made her laugh more. "Come on, ya doof!" Grinning, she pushed him through the portal and then hopped right in after him.

***

Nothing could possibly have prepared Bartleby for the sight his eyes beheld when he emerged from the portal.

It was impossible. It was obscene. It was hilarious.

It was the Biggest Toilet In The Universe.

He found himself standing on a dirt path that sloped down a hillside to the edge of a cliff. A cliff that circled around the rim of a toilet bowl the size of a baseball stadium. The tank towered above them, hundreds of feet in the air. The flusher looked as big as a bus. The raised seats looked like a humongous alien mouth, commanding all to come forth and sacrifice to it. Beyond the mammoth potty was an endless sea of roiling flame.

Hundreds of fursons were all gathered at the edge of the cliff, directing their streams and droppings down into the swirling maelstrom of the mother of all toilets. Some of them had to perch in bizarre, precarious ways to squat 'n dump without falling in. Some furs did fall in, screaming in surprise, terror or laughter as they plunged into the swirling waters of the eternally flushing loo.

Lexi daintily stepped out of the portal and hugged her bat friend from behind. "Is that not the coolest thing you've ever seen in your life?"

He turned around to her, his eyes as huge as saucers. "*Please* tell me _all_ the bathrooms aren't like this!!"

She nearly laughed her tail off at his reaction. "Of course not! There's normal ones all over the place. This one's just the funnest! I heard Satan got the idea from some little kid whose big brother was scaring the crap out of him, telling him horror stories of what his first day at school would be like."

This did sound exactly like the sort of incredibly cruel lie an older sibling would make up. He had to admit, he'd told Mandy once that they made chocolate pudding out of crushed-up bug heads. Her reaction, and subsequent revenge with a water balloon, indoors, had been worth it.

Lexi started off running down towards the colossal porcelain throne. "Come on! Or did it already scare the piss out of you?"

"Ha ha ha," he deadpanned, running to catch up with her.

The two cubs managed to jostle into position at the edge of the cliff. Furs of every size and species were here, relieving themselves or indulging in messy play. Some furs were 'going' on each other, not in the toilet. Some of them were willingly jumping into the bowl's vortex, shrieking gleefully as they went round 'n round and were sucked down into the hole at the bottom.

"This makes the waterpark I used to go to look like a Slip 'n Slide," Bartleby quipped.

Lexi nearly bumped him off the cliff from leaning on him and laughing so hard.

"You ever fall in?" he asked her.

"Of course," she replied immediately, as if that went without saying. "If it's too gross for you, I won't push you in or anything, I promise. But it is *severely* cool. You're right; it's the best water slide ever!"

Bartleby chuckled. Out of all the weird places he'd found himself so far, this had to be the most surreal. Remembering that he had come here for a purpose, he turned towards the giant toilet, penis in hand, and tried to let himself go.

Peeing in front of hundreds of people did not come easily, however. He had to shake it around like he was choking it to get the first little trickle to finally come out. The roar of the unremitting flushing helped a bit to get him going at a steady pace. And to make him wonder once more why the sound of running water made one feel like peeing in the first place.

He glanced over, and noticed Lexi had her bathing suit down around her ankles and was taking a whiz as well. He blushed and immediately looked away.

She laughed gently at his shyness. "It's okay, Bartleby. You can look if you wanna. I bet you've never seen a chick-dick before."

"Actually, I did. On the beach, earlier. I didn't get a good look though."

"Well, here ya go, if you're curious."

Bartleby couldn't resist a peek. Lexi's genitalia were definitely interesting. She had a normal cunny, just like any girl, but her clitoris lengthened out to a thin, long penis, where her pee-stream was coming out of. Her cunny and cock were both jet black, just like Mr. Oakley's.

While he was checking out hers, she was checking out his. "You have cute balls, Bartleby," she said with a coy little smirk.

He grinned gratefully. "Um, thanks! Your stuff looks really neat too. Very unique."

"Thanks!" She licked her lips, and looked a bit shyer. "Um, do you think maybe we could yiff sometime? You are really cute, and I've never been with a bat before, but I know my cock makes some boys nervous."

"Not Xander, apparently," he joked. "And, naw, I wouldn't mind. You're pretty, Lexi, and your cock is too."

She swooned at his compliment. Hardly any of the other boys at school had been so accepting of her differentness. "Really? Oh, Bartleby, that's so sweet!" She threw her arms around him in a hug.

Unfortunately, the suddenness of it overbalanced Bartleby, and he toppled back a bit, bumping into another furson beside him. When the other fur turned around to look, he accidentally gave the hapless bat a hard shove right towards the edge of the cliff!

"Whoa-o-o-oaaahh!" Bartleby cried out, wings pinwheeling, trying desperately to keep his balance. The roar of the enormous toilet thundered in his ears.

"Bartleby!!" Lexi gasped. She reached out to try to pull him to safety, but it was too late.

The ground crumbled beneath the little bat's feet and he went tumbling over the side of the cliff, down into the white water rapids below.

"Sorry!!" called out the fur who'd accidentally pushed him.

Bartleby sputtered up to the surface. He could not believe he was being swept away in a vast sea of wee-wee. "EEEEEEWWW!!!" he howled.

Lexi watched worriedly as the potty whirlpool whipped her friend around. When he'd almost completed a full lap and was in earshot again, she called out to him. "Bartleby!! Are you okay?!?"

"I guess so!!" he shouted back. "Considering I'm up to my eyeballs in pee!!"

The current took him on another circuit of the bowl, Lexi hollered at him again. "Well, goodbye Bartleby!! I'd jump in too, but Gramma'd wonder what happened to me!!"

"It's okay!! I'm starting to like it!!" He had to admit, this _was_ a wild ride. The current was fast and exciting. So long as he remembered to keep his mouth closed as much as possible, he was actually starting to enjoy himself. He had always liked going to the waterpark back home after all.

As he looped around again, he picked out Lexi's voice one last time. "See you in school tomorrow!!"

"Bye, Lexi!!" he bellowed back. He thought he caught a glimpse of her waving goodbye to him, but he was going so fast, he couldn't be sure it was actually her.

The vortex was pulling him ever closer to the dreaded toilet hole. 'This is the second time I've ended up in a toilet today,' he realized. 'Geeze, what an accomplishment!'

Closer and closer was he inexorably drawn towards that dark eye. There were lots of other fursons in the water besides him. Some looked like they were having the time of their lives, some looked like they were about to puke, some looked like they just wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. He even saw a group of friends who had all jumped in together and were clinging tenaciously to one another and hooting wildly.

The whole situation was starting to amuse him now. He was being flushed down a toilet the size of a city block. If that wasn't comedy, he didn't know what was.

Not really scared much now, except for a little bit of carnival-ride-thrill, Bartleby wondered where he'd end up after this. Hopefully he'd be sucked up into another portal, rather than taking a ride through the pipes and splashing down in some equally exaggerated giant sewer. If that was the case, he'd just portal his ass out of there and go straight to bed.

Such speculation was about to become moot though. Bartleby was overcome with dizziness as the whirlpool whipped him around the final spins and finally swallowed him up into the toilet hole.

Bartleby held his breath as he was swept away down the drain.

***

The next thing he knew, he was popping out of thin air over a lush tropical rainforest.

"Well, at least it's not another dumpster," he said to himself as he plummeted.

With the calm ease of someone getting used to such things, Bartleby acrobatically flipped himself over and caught the wind beneath his wings. He flapped a bit, testing the breeze, then started down on a gentle descending spiral.

The jungle was admittedly quite beautiful from above. The nearly-full moon was high in the sky, bathing the lush, quiet landscape in various blues and purples. The trees seemed to stretch on forever, interrupted briefly every now and then by a hill or a river. Bartleby picked out all sorts of life sounds coming from below. Bugs chirping. Frogs peeping. Wings fluttering. Tiny paws scurrying.

The boy yawned silently. He *was* getting tired by now. He still wasn't sure just how long he'd been awake, but this certainly felt like one of the longest days he could remember. And unquestionably, the most eventful.

His feet were just now dipping down below the green canopy of the jungle trees. His surroundings immediately became darker once he was past the treeline. The sounds were amplified as well, changing from curious to sinister. This place was interesting and pretty, but kinda spooky too. Bartleby decided he'd forego exploring and just make himself a portal as soon as he touched ground.

However, he ended up touching something else first.

He felt a thin tickle across his foot.

"Huh?"

The next thing he knew, he tripped on whatever it was and his wings failed him. The young bat cried out in startled fear as he fell back onto a strange sticky surface. He felt something like tiny wires criss-crossing all over his back, holding him fast wherever they touched. His frantic thrashing did nothing more than get his wings stuck down as well.

Bartleby looked all around and couldn't see a thing at first, until a shaft of moonlight poked through the canopy of trees above. It illuminated a glistening, intricate pattern of silvery, interwoven lines all around him. 'Oh crap! I'm in a giant spiderweb!!' he realized.

He tried to think back to every nature show he'd ever seen about spiders. He knew they sensed when their webs had caught something from the vibrations the prey insect's struggling sent along the strands. Bartleby was the prey now. He desperately tried to stop his fearful trembling and keep perfectly still.

The night sounds seemed to grow louder. The jungle grew more menacing. Any second now, a gigantic spider would be coming to eat him up!

Bartleby looked all around, eyes wide and alert, but could only see the treetops above him. All else was shrouded in shadow.

And then, out of the darkness, came a sultry, predatory female voice. "I can hear your breathing, you know..."

Bartleby gulped.

He felt the web underneath him shift. He heard the tiny clicks of eight chitinous legs. He sensed something large coming closer and closer...

And then, he was looking up into an upside-down face.

"Boo!" she said playfully.

The little bat jumped, then realized it wasn't a spider at all. Or was it?

In no hurry, the creature slowly made her way around Bartleby to position herself close by his side. She put an appraising finger to her lips. "Yes, yes. Quite satisfactory..."

Bartleby had never seen anything like her before in his life. Her bottom half was like any web-spinning arachnid. Her eight spindly legs were in constant languid motion, making clicking sounds like knitting needles. Her exoskeleton was a dark, dark violet, nearly black, with a red hourglass on her gigantic, round abdomen.

Her upper half, however, was that of a beautiful skunkwoman. She had short, snowy hair and mostly black bodyfur, with glistening white on her muzzle, chest and paws. Her eyes were a dull red, and her curved, narrow fangs caused her to speak with a very slight snakish lisp.

She might have been frightening on first glance, but her smile was small and soft and betrayed her true nature.

"What are you?" Bartleby asked, awestruck.

"I am a spid'taur," the creature responded pleasantly. She reached down to gently place her satiny paws on the boy's cheeks. "Be not afraid, young one. You will not suffer, so long as you do not struggle."

"You're gonna eat me?" the little bat asked in a small squeak.

She leaned in close and grinned, purposely exposing her fangs. "But of coursssse..."

Bartleby relaxed, but not all the way. "Well, geeze. I don't mind if you do. If you'll just be gentle about it, I won't struggle at all," he told her.

The spid'taur smiled cheerfully. "Now that's what I like to hear! Willing prey always tastes better!" She gave Bartleby a pat on the head. "So, my midnight snack, what is your name?"

"I'm Bartleby." His fear was rapidly ebbing. It seemed he'd met yet another denizen of Hell with a scary first impression and a friendly spirit.

"Bartleby..." She rolled the name on her tongue, as if tasting it. "A good name. I am Tasasha. The night is my mistress, and I am hers."

"Pleased to meet you," Bartleby said politely, and tried to raise his winghand for a shake.

She freed his wing from her sticky strands enough for him to do so. "The pleasure is all mine, little one. You look very tasty indeed." She perked up. "Perhaps I should use your body to lay my eggs inside of, hmm? My little ones would feast on you when they hatched," she suggested blithely.

Bartleby shuddered. That did not sound very appealing. "Um, if you don't mind, I'd rather you didn't. I'm kinda tired and I really should be getting to bed soon. If you wanna eat me though, that's okay," he replied diplomatically.

She leaned closer to nuzzle her muzzle against his cheek. "Understood, my young guest. Little boys do need their rest. I shall feast on you. And I shall make it as pleasant for you as I can," she pledged.

"Thank you very much." Bartleby had calmed down considerably by now. Tasasha was quite pretty, in an exotic way, and she seemed nice too. And he thought getting wrapped up in a big cozy cocoon might actually be relaxing. Bartleby laid back on the comfy web and let her prepare him.

Tasasha sized the little boy up, making a guess as to how much silk she would need. She hummed softly to herself as she began her work. Her voice was fluid and soothing.

First, the spid'taur freed Bartleby's other wing and arranged both of them across his belly, like wrapping up a burrito. She placed his legs together and tucked his tail in too. Her slender white paws were exceptionally gentle. The whole time she worked, she hummed. A gentle moonlit melody to lull her prey into relaxation.

'What a nice way to end the day...' Bartleby thought. Even though he'd been a bit scared at first, now he felt calm and content. Tasasha was being very gentle with him, and he really liked her lullaby.

From her abdomen, Tasasha began to produce long strands of spider silk. Her paws were skilled from years of cocooning other fursons. She began at Bartleby's feet, giving each of his big toes a kiss before she started wrapping them up.

The little bat giggled. He did his best to keep still as the pretty spider lady went about her task.

Tasasha licked her lips at the thought of how good this tender little boy would taste. She bound him comfortably; not too tight, just enough so he wouldn't be able to move. She loved performing her before-meal preparations. It was an incredible turn-on for her. Binding her prey in her silk, then sinking her fangs into their flesh and listening to their life drain slowly away as she fed; knowing all the time that they would be just fine in a little while, and ready to be eaten again soon. Tasasha knew well the old saying: 'you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'.

Bartleby was very impressed at how fast Tasasha was working. She'd done his feet in seconds, and was already most of the way up his legs. He guessed having eight extra limbs helped quite a bit. He suddenly blushed and yipped a bit as she covered up his boybits.

His reaction pleased her. "Mmmm, you liked that, yes? Maybe I should bite it off, as an appetizer?" she purred teasingly.

Bartleby trembled and giggled. "I've already lost it three times today already. I don't mind!"

The spid'taur giggled too. "Such cooperative prey! Bartleby, you are a delight. And you are keeping so still, too. Thank you, little one." She gave him another kind pat on his head.

Tasasha spun more silk, collecting it and arranging it lightning fast with her paws and four of her legs. "I must admit, it is sometimes fun to catch frightened furs in my web and see the fear in their eyes as I wrap them up tight. But I believe I enjoy a smiling supper much more. When we are both enjoying the experience, the blood is much, much more flavorful."

The little bat felt a shiver go up his spine. "You're really gonna drink my blood? Like in some vampire movie?"

"Not quite, my sweet." Her silk flowed around him like being lowered into warm water, now reaching up to bind his wings to his sides. "We spiders have a much more efficient method. First, my venom will paralyze you. Then, it will begin to eat away at you, turning your insides to liquid so that I may slurp them out at my leisure..." she said darkly, but with a playful smile.

This was all a very strange experience for Bartleby. One part of him was a little bit scared, and another part of him was getting yiffy. She made it all sound creepy, and yet sensual at the same time. "So, have you ever eaten a bat before?" he asked conversationally.

She nodded. "Oh my, yes. The jungle bats fly into my web constantly. On purpose! They love being my food. Especially the little ones like you. They call me 'Auntie Tasha'." She smiled and chuckled warmly. "They're even a bother at times! They bring their friends along and sometimes I run out of silk before I've got them all wrapped up!"

Bartleby chuckled at the mental image of eager bats all clamoring to be next in line to get cocooned. Tasasha was up to his shoulders now. He felt her strands begin to tickle their way up his neck. "Um, do you think you could leave my eyes open? Y'know, so I can still see what's going on?"

She lovingly stroked the side of his face. "Yes, my darling. Of course. Trust me, little one."

Her nimble paws spun her silk up his cheeks and over his mouth. She made sure to keep her strands slack enough so that he could talk, while still keeping that cute 'bound and gagged' look she enjoyed so much. She made certain to leave a wide enough strip of fur uncovered so the boy could see, as he'd requested. She enjoyed accommodating her prey's last wishes, especially when they were being such a willing participant.

Finally, Bartleby felt her bind up his ears to the very tip. She bit off her strand and positioned herself at his side. She ran her soft, supple paws all up and down his smooth bound body. "There now, sweet boy. All done. How does it feel?"

Bartleby wiggled about, but all he could still move freely were his jaw and his eyelids. The rest of his body was completely immobilized. She'd done a good job. He knew he couldn't get away now, and that felt sort of exciting in a strange way. "It feels nice. Comfy. Like when I curl up in a sleeping bag."

"Not too tight?" she asked with genuine concern.

He shook his head as much as he could. "Nope. Just right."

The spid'taur gave him a sweet smile. "Good, good. I must say, you look both adorable and delectable right now. All wrapped up in my shimmering silver cocoon... Perfectly helpless..." She licked along her fangs in anticipation.

"I hope I taste good. And thank you, Tasasha. You've been really nice to me, and I liked getting all wrapped up." He yawned again.

She leaned in close to kiss him on the forehead. "Feeling sleepy, little prey?"

He nodded.

"That's allright. My venom will help. It will relax all your muscles for you. Many of my past dinners have fallen asleep while I fed upon them. They tell me that my venom working to digest them is a very soothing sensation."

"Okay then. Eat me up. I'm ready," Bartleby said bravely.

She held the sweet little bat close to her and nuzzled his neck. "Thank you, Bartleby, for helping me make you into a meal. I am sure you will be delicious."

Bartleby smiled and closed his eyes. He jerked and let out a small cry when her sharp fangs first broke through his skin, but the pain was over almost before it began. Soon, he could feel the dreamlike, exotic tingle of her venom beginning to spread through his system.

"Goodnight, my dear prey..." Tasasha whispered lovingly.

"Goodnight..."

Bartleby felt his insides beginning to change. Shifting, loosening, melting. Becoming food for his new friend.

"Sleep, little one, sleep..." she cooed.

Bartleby felt his breathing slow, and finally stop. He could feel his whole body softening up. It was a wonderfully calming sensation.

Soon, he was fast asleep.

***

Tasasha fed well that night. She drank deeply of the little bat boy in her arms. He was not the most filling meal she had ever consumed, but he more than made up for it by the sweet, serene expression on his face at the end. Knowing she had brought happiness to her prey gave the spid'taur a deep sense of fulfillment.

When Bartleby was all gone, she patted what remained of him on his head. "Thank you, little bat. You were very tasty indeed."

She placed his pelt aside, and crawled back into the shadows to her home. There, she joined her prey in slumber.

* * * * *

-CHAPTER THIRTEEN-

Bartleby murred in his sleep. He yawned. He tugged his blankets closer and rolled over.

The sleep-dust began to fade from his mind, and the young boy yawned again and gradually awoke.

Before his eyes had opened, Bartleby checked in with his body. He could feel all the parts of himself emerging from his long, strange dream. He could tell he was wearing his fuzzy pajamas; his plushie fox Terry was held securely in his wings; his warm blankets were wrapped snugly around him like a spider's cocoon.

Cocoon...

Wait a minute...

For a second, the boy was completely confused. 'No, it was real! Wasn't it?'

He opened his eyes, and found he was back in his bedroom again.

He breathed a long sigh of relief.

Everything was as it should be. His toys were all in their boxes. His books were all on their shelves. His computer was sitting on his desk in the corner. His magic refrigerator was humming softly. His treasures from the dump were piled neatly on a table. The dim light of a torch made flickering shapes on the red stone walls of his little cave.

Bartleby cast off his blankets and sat up, yawning and stretching. He'd somehow ended up back in his fantasy bedroom again, without even using a portal this time. He reached up to his neck, just to be sure, and felt two tiny bumps (rapidly healing) from where Tasasha had bitten him.

"Whew!"

So it _was_ all real. Thank goodness! He'd been scared for a moment. Sure, it would have been nice in some ways to wake up and find it had all been a dream. But to make so many friends in one night, and then lose them all the next morning, would be heartbreaking.

But no, that was not to be. It was all real. This was his dream room brought to life. He was in Hell, and he was dead, and that was allright. He knew he might have this same disoriented feeling for a while, of waking up unsure where he ought to be. But he knew in time he would learn to accept that this was his life now, his afterlife, and it was where he would remain forever.

Bartleby gave Terry a hug. "I'm glad you're still here with me," he told the little red fox. He sighed. "But I wish Chuck was too..."

He sat for a while in silence, looking back through all the memories of the wondrous day he'd had.

And from what he could tell, it wasn't even over yet. His internal chronometer was telling him he hadn't slept for long. Certainly not for hours. He'd probably woken up not too long after falling asleep in Tasasha's web.

He glanced over at the alarm clock on his endtable, but it was no help. It seemed to be displaying some kind of ancient runes.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Bartleby called out.

A muffled but genial voice returned back, "Oh, just your friendly neighborhood Arch-Hellguardian..."

Bartleby jumped up and ran to the door. He flung it open and shouted with glee. He wrapped his arms around the squirreldemon standing there, grinning from ear to ear.

"Good to see you too, dear boy," said Razielphustar.

***

The boy and the demon sat together on Bartleby's little bed and talked for a long, long time. Bartleby didn't feel sleepy at all now. The little bat sat side by side with his demon friend; Razielphustar hugging him, and Bartleby hugging Terry. The young boy described in great detail all the adventures he'd had and all the new people he'd met.

Razielphustar was amazed at all the boy had gone through in such a short time. Many new souls spent their first day in Hell holed up in their rooms crying, or driving themselves deep into denial, or shouting up at the sky, demanding to know why they hadn't been accepted into the realm above.

But Bartleby, shy little Bartleby, had done none of those things. He had made the choice, deep in his heart, to get out and explore as much of his new home as he could.

Although it seemed to the boy that fate had swept him along from one bizarre and fascinating set of circumstances to the next, in reality he was more in control than he ever realized. Razielphustar knew the portals were much more than simply doorways. They could see into the deepest depths of a soul's thoughts and desires. Had Bartleby really wanted to spend the day in quiet contemplation, that first portal he had dropped the boy into would have taken him straight back to his room. And all the rest of the 'random' portals had known exactly what they were doing in selecting destinations for him. It was not the place, so much as the other people he would encounter, that guided their decisions.

Whether he knew it or not, Bartleby's greatest strength was that he gained happiness from bringing happiness to others. His was an honest and giving soul. By making so many new friends, he had helped his own heart to heal from the horror of being struck down by his cruel father. By reaching out to others, by sharing smiles and laughter, he had helped himself to believe that his death was not his fault. That his father's blame had always been nothing but lies. That it was okay not to have to doubt himself anymore.

Bartleby was aware of none of it, but Razielphustar could clearly see the change in the boy. It wasn't just that he seemed happier now, but that he _was_ happier. In both mind and spirit.

The demon could not have been more proud of him.

***

"...and then I felt her venom going through my whole body. It kinda felt like I was melting inside, but in a really neat way. I felt even sleepier, and I could hear her starting to drink me. And I felt good about that. I liked knowing I was giving myself to her. I dunno why, but that just made me really happy."

Razielphustar smiled and patted the boy on the wing. "I completely understand, young one."

"So then I fell asleep, and then I was waking up here, in bed. I got really freaked out for a second. I was scared it was all just a dream."

Razielphustar 'hmm'ed curiously. "You mean, you wouldn't have wanted it to be?"

"Well, maybe. A little," Bartleby admitted. "It would've been really nice to see my family again. I would've given them all really big hugs. And you can bet your butt I'd be more careful around dad from now on!"

The squirreldemon chuckled sadly. "Yes, that would be a wise course of action."

Bartleby rubbed his cheekfur on Razielphustar's soft leather vest. "But yeah, I am glad it wasn't just a dream. I know I'll get to see Mom 'n Chuck and the others someday. And I met so many cool people today, and saw so many neat places. It'd be awful if it turned out none of it was real." He looked up to the demon's eyes. "Especially you..."

Deeply touched by the kind words, Razielphustar gave the little bat a loving kiss. "Thank you, Bartleby. It would be just as saddening to me if you turned out to be only one of my dreams."

Grinning, Bartleby gave him a tiny pinch. "There, does that prove I'm real?"

The demon laughed and retaliated with a tickle attack. "Indeed it does, you silly little bat!" Bartleby's cute tummy made such an inviting target!

Bartleby laughed out loud and squirmed about, kicking his little furless feet. Razielphustar's nimble fingers skittered up and down his fur, making him feel all giddy.

Razielphustar stopped after a few seconds, and gave his sweet boy another hug. "Your laughter is beautiful, Bartleby. A symphony to my ears."

"Thanks. I like your voice too. You sound really wise and comforting."

"Thank *you*, little one. That's just what I try to be."

Bartleby nuzzled Razielphustar's chinfur with his nose. He had something important on his mind he'd been meaning to ask for a while now. "Hey, um... Remember earlier, in the cafeteria, when you ate me? And I asked if maybe we could be yiffy later?"

The squirreldemon nodded. "Of course I remember. Do you still want to? If you're tired and want to go back to sleep, I understand..."

"No!" Bartleby quickly refuted. "I do want to! I've been wanting to all day. Even when I was being yiffy with Criss, I was thinking about what it might be like to do stuff like that with you too."

Razielphustar ran his fingers through the boy's hair. "I've been thinking about being with you as well. All day long." He nuzzled Bartleby's ears. "So, what would you like us to do together? Whatever you like. Should I eat you again?" he asked teasingly.

"If you're hungry, I wouldn't mind," said Bartleby. "But I think I'd really like for you to yiff me. You know, in my tail hole..." he admitted shyly.

That was a surprising request. "Are you sure, little one? Wouldn't you rather I pleasure you?"

Bartleby shook his head firmly. "Nope. I wanna see what it's like having you hold me and put your big penis inside me. That'll be pleasant enough," he said with a grin.

In many ways, the demon was not surprised. The little bat did, after all, derive happiness from making others happy. It made sense he'd enjoy being on the submissive side of yiff. Razielphustar gave the boy's pajama-clad tush a pat. "Allright then. If it's what you want, I would love to yiff you as well. You are a wonderful, kind, handsome, beautiful boy, Bartleby. I can think of nothing I would rather do in this moment than to give you your heart's desire."

Bartleby smiled a broad smile and hugged the squirreldemon tight. His heart felt full of love and trust and joy.

Razielphustar glanced over at the torch on the wall, and willed the flame to die down to an ember. The small scarlet room became draped in shadow.

The squirreldemon turned over on his side, scooping up his adorable little lover and tucking him snugly up against him. He pulled the blankets tightly around the two of them and embraced the soft, wiggly little bat.

Bartleby had his eyes closed tight and a great big smile on his muzzle. He felt so warm and safe! He loved feeling Razielphustar's body warmth surrounding him. He heard the rustle of the demon's silk trousers being pulled down and kicked aside. He felt something stiff and hot press lightly up against his bottom, and he cooed in surprise and held his plushie fox tight.

With one arm wrapped tenderly around his sweet young bat, Razielphustar reached the other inside his vest and fumbled around until a small glass vial found its way to his paw.

Bartleby clearly heard the squeal of the glass stopper being removed. "What's that?"

"This is the finest lubricant in all of Hades, made from the refined saliva of the Great Wyrm of Kahlan-Haardeih. It will make your little tailhole good and slippery, so I won't hurt you going in."

"Oh, allright," said Bartleby. He relaxed and waited patiently as Razielphustar pulled down his pajama bottoms and gathered a generous helping of the sparkling clear goo on his fingers. The little bat let out a low moan at the feel of the cool, slick substance being applied to his anus. His tail stood straight up and he held his breath.

Razielphustar inserted one finger with ease, then two, then three. "Perfect. Just right." He wiped the excess lube off his fingers onto his own member. He nuzzled Bartleby's fluffy cheek. "Are you ready sweetheart?" he whispered in the boy's ear.

Bartleby nodded. He was shivering in yiffy anticipation. "Uh huh..."

The demon pulled the little bat closer. He placed his leg over Bartleby's, locking them together. "Here we go..." He reached down to position himself, touching his tip to the boy's tiny hole, reveling in the heat and the slickness. He took a deep breath, then smoothly entered the little boy's bottom.

Bartleby cried out sharply, but only out of pure pleasure. There was no pain whatsoever. Razielphustar's cock glided deep within him with no resistance. His tailhole gladly. welcomed the demon inside. "Ohhh..."

Razielphustar shut his eyes tight. His fluffy tail curled. His tiny black wings fluttered in ecstacy. The boy's warm, tight tunnel was exquisite and his little love moans were adorable. "Bartleby... sweet boy... dear little bat... my beautiful, beautiful boy... I love you so, little one."

The soft, heartfelt words made Bartleby's pleasure multiply tenfold. He squirmed happily on the firm squirrel pole impaling him. "I love you too, Razielphustar. I love you so much," he whispered. "That feels so good inside me. So big and warm. I love this. I'm so happy!"

The squirreldemon covered the boy's soft, velvety ears with kisses. "Little sweetheart. Charming boy. Darling bat. Grey-furred cutie. Little yum-yum. My furry miracle..."

Bartleby murred in bliss at the swarm of endearments. He wiggled his butt down hard onto Razielphustar's hot cock, doing his very best to make the wonderful demon feel good too.

Holding the boy tight and safe in his arms, and caressing him all over, loving the feeling of just having his handsome young pajamaed sweetheart so close to him, Razielphustar began to push forward into Bartleby's round rump. He gave the boy's soft buttocks teasing squeezes. He nuzzled his snout though Bartleby's sweet-smelling hair, and nipped playfully at his leafy ears.

Bartleby cooed and yipped and murred and made all sorts of cute happy sounds at Razielphustar's loving touches. He pushed back to meet the demon's thrusts, wanting to feel that hot, thick maleness as deep inside of him as it could go. He felt connected to Razielphustar now. Cemented together by much more than just flesh. By their souls. By their hearts...

And suddenly, as if for the first time, Bartleby noticed his heart was racing. His heart. His heart that he'd seen torn from his chest by the Devil, what seemed like an eternity ago. He had grown a new one. He could feel its steady pulse through every part of his body. He could feel the blood rushing through his ears. It was a euphoric sensation, and he was so glad it wasn't really gone forever.

Razielphustar could feel the boy's heartbeat too, and he knew what it meant. It usually took quite some time for a new soul to grow a new heart. What caused it was unthinkably simple and impossible to obtain by force. It came from joy. It came from accepting one's place in the grand realm of the afterlife. It came from making peace with who you were, and who you had become.

If he'd thought he couldn't be more proud of the boy, he knew now he was wrong.

The squirreldemon pumped harder into his darling little bat. Bartleby's mouth hung open in a perpetual moan of joy. Razielphustar tried his best to drive as much of himself as he could inside Bartleby's warm tailhole, and Bartleby was only too happy to help him try.

Razielphustar felt an incredible power building up inside of him, straining for release.

Bartleby felt goosebumps rippling up all over his young body.

"Oh, I love you, Bartleby!"

The two furs cried out in ecstacy as Razielphustar flooded the boy with cum. Bartleby felt a raging river of heat instantly fill his backside, warming his whole body in seconds. It felt like Razielphustar was erupting molten lava inside of him!

The demon hugged the little bat tight, nuzzling his neck, tears streaming down his cheeks. He howled like a wolf as his seed exploded into the boy. He held Bartleby's winghands in his paws and called out his name again and again.

The fire in the little bat's insides spread out and dispersed throughout his whole body, from his toes to his tail to the tips of his ears. He felt as if he were changing, becoming something totally new...

Razielphustar watched the boy's transformation with awe. He'd seen this phenomenon many, many times before, but it still brought amazement even to the eyes of an eons-old demon such as himself.

Bartleby's fur all stood on end, as if an electric current were being passed through him. His eyes were closed and his body went perfectly still, rigid as steel.

His form began to ripple and shimmer. His flesh turned into earth, then stone, then steel, then diamond, then again to flesh.

The color of his fur shifted, changing from grey to brown to red to orange to yellow to purest white. Soon, the boy appeared to be made entirely of light.

He glowed with the brightness of a small star for several seconds.

Slowly, his illumination began to fade. His fur returned to normal, and his muscles relaxed.

He felt like he'd just ran all the way from Earth into the heart of the sun. He felt like he'd been torn into a billion pieces and scattered to every corner of the galaxy, only to flash back together again in a grand cosmic explosion. He felt like he had been reborn.

And, he realized he'd cum all over his blankets.

"Oops..."

Razielphustar reached into his vest and brought out a box of moist wipes. "Here, sweetheart."

Bartleby took the box with a nod and started cleaning himself up. "W-what just happened to me?" he asked, his voice shaky with wonder.

"You received the seed of a demon, dear boy," Razielphustar explained gently. "The first time it happens, it can cause some very interesting reactions. I'm surprised you didn't explode into atoms."

Bartleby gave him an 'are you _kidding_?' look.

"Oh, it's quite common. And you would have reformed in a few seconds anyway, good as new," he said reassuringly

The boy mopped up his semen as best he could, then handed the used wipe back to Razielphustar. "I feel kinda different now," he said softly, still a little stunned from the experience. "But I can't really put my finger on how."

The squirreldemon took the young bat's cheek in his paws and turned his head to face him. "You _have_ changed, Bartleby. You are one of us now. You are a part of everything. You are home, little one."

The boy didn't quite understand what that meant, but he thought he had some idea. The main difference, he realized, wasn't tangible at all. Somehow, he *did* feel at home.

Bartleby leaned closer to share a long, delicate kiss with his wise, wonderful demon friend.

When it ended, the little bat yawned quite loudly.

"Sorry to have bored you, sweet boy," Razielphustar kidded.

Bartleby giggled. "Sorry. I guess I'm still sleepy. And I always feel kinda tired after I cum."

The demon nodded and gave his back a serpentine stretch, producing a few pops. "As do I. Perhaps it is because, after an orgasm, the only thing that can compare is a dream?"

Bartleby nodded. That made sense.

Razielphustar carefully, carefully, carefully withdrew himself from the boy's bottom. He did his best to keep his cum from leaking out all over the place and causing a second mess. He managed to catch a good deal of it in another fresh wipe. Bartleby cooed at the pleasant sensations of being cleaned up back there.

Afterwards, the demon gracefully slithered out from beneath the blankets. He found his trousers again and slipped them back on. "I'll leave you to your own dreams then, Bartleby. Sleep well, my sweet prince. You have another exciting day ahead of you tomorrow."

The little bat grinned as he pulled his pajama bottom back up. "Yeah, I get to go back to school and see Xander and Lexi and Mrs. Schaddenfreude again, and probably meet a bunch more new friends too. And Xander's mom invited me over for dinner!"

"Are you to be the main course?" Razielphustar asked, as he helped tuck Bartleby in for the night.

The boy happily nodded. "Yeah! I can't wait. I'm sure she'll have some really cool recipe to try on me."

Razielphustar chuckled, happy to see that the boy was so looking forward to living his new life to the fullest. He leaned down to place a kiss on the little bat's forehead. "Goodnight then, Bartleby. Dream deeply and dream well."

"Goodnight, Razielphustar," Bartleby whispered.

The demon gave him a soft smile, then padded silently to the door.

Bartleby rolled over, tucking Terry back in his arms again, and got comfortable. He heard the sound of a doorknob turning.

***

Suddenly, Razielphustar paused.

Something had just occurred to him. Something important. He smiled and turned around again. "Wait... There was one more thing..."

Bartleby rolled over. The squirreldemon was standing there, doorknob in hand, looking crafty. "Huh?"

The squirreldemon came over again and sat down upon the boy's bed. "I was supposed to deliver a message to you. From Lucifer himself. I'm so glad I didn't run off and forget about it," he said with obvious relief.

Bartleby sat up a little, curious now. "What is it?"

"He wants you to know he is extremely, explosively, tremendously proud of you for rescuing Llywyalla. I am too, since I haven't seen the dear girl in millennia."

Bartleby grinned. "Cool! So she did get in to see him!"

"Oh, yes! They talked for quite some time. And while they haven't come up with a cure for her curse just yet, Satan assured me he's got a battalion of Minor Imps looking through all the files on such matters, and he's sure they'll turn up something soon."

"Good! Then she won't have to say 'goodbye' every time she meets someone."

Razielphustar laughed. "Indeed! It took me a while to figure out how to talk to her myself. But when I did, she asked me to tell you she is forever in your debt, and you may ask any favors of her you wish until the end of time."

The little bat smiled. "Aw, that's okay. Tell her I don't like debts. If she wants to do me a favor, that's okay, but I don't want her to feel like she has to."

"I will tell her, sweet boy," Razielphustar assured, still overwhelmed by the boy's boundlessly giving spirit.

"And tell her I said get well soon," Bartleby added.

"I promise." He reached over to pat the boy's wing. "However, the devil has a message for you too."

"Hmm?"

"He said that, thanks to your courage, determination and most of all, your brilliant thinking, we now might have a chance to find out if other angels have been imprisoned elsewhere in Hell."

"Really?" Bartleby's sunny face turned suddenly to sadness as he imagined dozens and dozens of angels, all locked up and frightened and hungry like Llywyalla had been. "I hope he finds all of them!"

"He's already sent out a thousand and one demons to scour every last inch of the realm. If they are out there, we will find them," the demon said with ironclad certainty. "And don't worry, they've all been notified of the booby-trapped entrances. One of them told me he's going to drop a few anvils down each hatch first just to be safe."

Bartleby chuckled. "Good!"

Razielphustar leaned in closer, and put his paw on the boy's shoulder. "But that is not all. There is also the matter of your reward," he said gravely.

Bartleby's tail wagged. "A reward? Cool! What do I get?" Though really, he thought, what more could he possibly want?

Razielphustar looked deeply into the boy's brown eyes. "In recognition of your heroic act of freeing Llywyalla from her heartless imprisonment, the Devil has offered to cleanse you of all sin, and promote you to the Really Quite Nice level. Effective immediately."

Bartleby grinned brightly.

But only for a second.

His heart suddenly sank and his smile disappeared.

If he left here, what about all his new friends?

He thought about Mrs. Schaddenfreude, with her exciting, playful punishments and her gentle, caring voice.

He thought about Xander. His friend's cute plump tummy, the notes they'd passed in class, how eager the fox had been to help Bartleby understand the world he now found himself in, the wonderful cuddling session they'd shared.

He thought about Lexi; how she could be a bit over-enthusiastic about gross stuff sometimes, but she was still a sunny, friendly, fun-to-be-with little hyena nonetheless.

He thought about Mr. Spitalka, and how long it might have taken for his and Xander's boybits to be bought from the nice skunk's deli case.

He thought about Mr. and Mrs. Oakley. How kindly they'd treated him, even though they'd just met him for the first time. Their offer to take care of him until he found someone in his family to live with. Their tender paws caressing him all over and making him feel yiffier than he ever had in his whole life.

He thought about the Summoner robot. Odd little fellow, but certainly amusing.

He thought about Roy, the squirrel chef, and how far he'd gone to make sure Bartleby enjoyed every second of being cooked for the first time.

He thought about Gillian. They had nothing in common, and she liked playing in dumpsters and trash bags, but she was so much fun to be with despite her different interests. And maybe even because of them.

He thought about Mrs. Mackenzie, the cheerful mink with the friendly voice and her big, stinky, exciting garbage truck.

He thought about Llywyalla. The way her wings had glowed so brightly as she'd spun around, tasting freedom for the first time in eons. How she'd cried at having to tell him she hated him in order to tell him she loved him. And that giant chocolate milk mustache!

He thought about Criss. That gorgeous body, those gentle eyes. Their long talk about life and death and accepting who they were inside. The indescribably wonderful taste of his big nummy cock!

He thought about Tasasha. She had seemed dark and spooky at first, but he knew she hid a good, kind heart underneath. And the little bats called her 'Auntie Tasha'...

He thought about the Devil. That wise, compassionate soul nestled inside that fearsome body. He remembered his tragic story, the loneliness in his eyes, and how proud he'd felt at getting him to laugh. And he wondered why exactly the King of Demons had been limping so badly.

And lastly, he thought about Razielphustar. The clown. The romantic. The listener. The gourmet. The counselor. The wiseman. The lover. The most interesting friend he'd ever had.

Bartleby sighed.

"No," he said firmly.

"No?" the squirreldemon asked, with the barest trace of a smile.

Bartleby nodded. "Tell him I really appreciate the offer, but I'd rather just stay here if that's okay."

Razielphustar grinned as if he'd never been more proud of the boy. "Why am I not in the least bit surprised?"

The little bat giggled. "There's just too much fun stuff here that I haven't explored yet!" he explained.

"And I'll bet there's just as many people here you'd hate to leave behind, hmm?" the demon added knowingly.

The little bat smiled. "Exactly."

Razielphustar stood up and patted the boy on the head one more time. "I will tell him. And I imagine he won't be all that surprised either. After all, the Naughty level is nearly as big as all the other ones put together. And the Really Quite Nice level's the second smallest."

Bartleby 'hmm'ed. That was interesting. "Why?"

The squirreldemon grinned cannily. "Because perfection is, by its very nature, boring. Souls need a little excitement and danger and fear every now and then. 'Tis the spice of life! A completely safe, secure and stable life is barely worth living. Even the ability to control all of reality with a mere whim can become stale after a while if there's no one else there to share it with.

"Amazingly enough, ninety nine percent of all souls who get promoted to the Really Quite Nice level eventually ask to come back down to Naughty. Imperfection is so much more fun. And everyone makes so many friends down here as well."

Bartleby laughed. Put that way, it made perfect sense.

Razielphustar walked to the door and opened it again. He stepped halfway into the portal, then glanced back.

He gazed upon the little bat with all the affection in his heart.

"Paradise isn't a place, Bartleby," he said softly. "Paradise is being with people who love you."

Bartleby thought that was just about the wisest thing he'd ever heard. He smiled back at the handsome, caring demon in the doorway. "And people you love too?"

Razielphustar nodded. "Exactly." He blew the boy a kiss goodnight. "Sweet dreams, dear little bat. Sweet dreams."

"'Bye..."

"See you soon."

The door closed, and Bartleby laid there quietly for the longest time, smiling to himself. He knew, without any doubt, that he had made the right decision.

* * * * *

-EPILOGUE-

Just as Bartleby was beginning to drift off to sleep again, he heard something moving underneath his bed.

"What was that?" he asked out loud.

Squishing, squooshing, squelching sounds emanated from underneath him, sounding like a gigantic booger being dragged across the floor.

Then two blue eyes popped up from beyond the edge of the bed.

As Bartleby watched, too sleepy now to really feel anything but mild curiosity, an immense, transparent purple slug came shuffling out from under his bed and stared at him with its comically-alien eyestalks.

"Hello, I am the monster under your bed. And I have come to eat you," it said in a pleasing baritone.

Bartleby yawned. "Oh. Okay."

The monster looked puzzled. "Well, for a new soul you're pretty jaded already, aren't you?"

"Naw, jus' tired," the little bat mumbled. "Go ahead 'n eat me. I don' mind."

"Allright then, little fellow. Might be a bit oozy in there, but I hope you'll enjoy yourself nonetheless," the monster said affably as it slithered up onto the bed, leaving a trail of glistening slime behind him.

"Okay, whatever..." the tired young bat replied.

The big squishy monster started in on Bartleby's feet, gulping him down, pajamas, blankets and all. Bartleby was starting to drift off already, but he had to admit getting swallowed by a slug the size of a car felt rather nice.

Bartleby had nearly fallen asleep by the time the monster's big rubbery lips took in his head, and the pillow it was resting on too. He slid down into the creature's tummy and was soon coated in a thick, warm layer of digestive muck.

The monster smiled contentedly and licked his lips.

Bartleby tugged his blankets a little closer around him. He gave his small fox plush one last squeeze and nuzzled its ears. "Love you, Terry..."

A few moments later, he was out like a light.

Terry blinked.

The russet-furred plushie wiggled and stretched a bit, still not quite used to the whole concept of 'movement'. He looked up at his owner, sound asleep with a smile on his face, and was happy.

He thought about all the nights they'd spent together. Curled up in the boy's loving wings. Going with him on adventures. Faithfully keeping all his secrets. Taking fun trips in the washing machine.

He could have told Bartleby about coming to life earlier, but he thought the boy had already had enough surprises for one day.

He gave the snoozing bat a big hug with his short plushie arms. "Sweet dreams, Bartleby. I love you too..."

"Make sure to tell him in the morning that he was delicious," the monster gurgled, sounding quite satisfied indeed.

"I will!" Terry promised, and settled in to get digested along with his favorite boy.

-THE END-

for now...

***

Author's endnote;

Almost exactly as long as "Ghost Story", a bit longer than "Down In The Dumps", quite a bit longer than "The Witch In The Woods" or "Sweetiepie", a few days shy of a month in the making, and some of the most fun I've ever had writing. Honestly, I used absolutely every single idea I've ever had for this thing, and a whole lot more I never anticipated.

Hope ya liked it. Again, if some of the God stuff made you a little uncomfortable, please keep in mind that it's not God I'm satirizing here, but the cruel, unforgiving, vengeful way some of his more demented followers choose to see him in. God's okay by me, but a lot of his groupies (especially the ones with TV shows) tend to give me the willies.

But hey, if it turned out that all of this stuff I just wrote is true, it would tend to explain some stuff...

And, just in case you were wondering, Razielphustar's last name is pronounced 'Meh-FFROH-lo-vawn-TASS-ti-co'. :)

See ya next time!

Alex Reynard

"Bartleby's Descent"

Started: April 7th, 2005 Finished: May 5th, 2005 Editing Completed: May 15th, 2005