Chapter 2
Lost In The Mist © 2015 Sinclair Diavante
Chapter 2.
I felt like I was on autopilot when I walked up The Hahkota's boarding ramp. Ash and Casey were waiting for me at the top, and I saw some other faces I didn't recognize. Zero stared at me solemnly from in the back of the cargo bay, probably feeling responsible for my perceived situation. Zeek walked past me, smelling like indifference. He spoke to Zero in hushed tones, and the two of them left. I heard the anti-grav systems charging, the gentle whine of capacitors ramping up; we weren't sticking around.
I just stood there facing them, unsure of what to say. Where do I start? I bared my throat, they bared theirs deeply. No one wanted to speak at first; I decided that I needed to own this situation, to take control. They were probably afraid I was mad, and while many in my situation could be, I certainly wouldn't. I smiled, and the tears from earlier came back out. They lunged at me and held me so tight, I thought my ribs might crack.
"Keman!" Casey whispered, holding me tight. "Where have you been, dog? I'm so glad to see you again. So glad you're back. I missed you so much!"
"We looked everywhere!" Ash said, smelling fiercely satisfied, but I detected a level of exhaustion, too. "Zeek said you were either dead, or as good as dead. But... I just, couldn't," her tone hardened in a way I had not heard before, "stop."
"It's ok." I said. Again, I reminded myself. Own this, Keman.
Casey let go and backed up, staring at the sharp line of missing fur around my neck. "No, it isn't." His scent turned disgusted.
While I had just argued about how leaving Sinclair would fuck me up, now I had to say the opposite. I couldn't lie. So I compartmentalized my anguish and put it under a new label: the torture they were certain I had experienced. Different cause, same feelings.
I nodded, serious. "Maybe. But we move forward, now."
Ash raised her muzzle and howled the joyous note of the lost that had been found. Casey joined in, but I could barely find my voice to sing anything so happy, not with who I just left behind. My voice rose, though, it gained volume, easily eclipsing theirs. My one hope being that Sinclair could somehow hear it, as we passed through the atmosphere and blue faded to black.
Sinclair stared at his bed, breathing in Keman's scent. It was strongest here. He leaned against the doorframe and stared down at the collar in his paws. Closed, locked, inactive.
He wondered about things. The definition of complete. He weighed the benefits and costs, what was gained and now what was potentially lost. What the future could hold, so many calculations.
Abruptly, he shoved those thoughts aside, only to fall to his knees, howling as loud as he could. The howl to bring back a lost pack member from a hunt gone awry.
Later, I was in the galley, sitting at a table with Ash and Casey. Various other Rhenthar had been introduced to me. While they were in my periphery, their names hadn't stuck; I had no idea who any of them were. I felt dazed and discordant. Concentration was next to impossible, when all I wanted to think about brought me so much pain.
I had changed since they had last seen me. But it all felt for the better, to me. They could never understand, and such differences opened a big rift between me and my friends, a chasm we couldn't cross.
"Zeek unlocked the autodoc," Casey said, setting down a hypospray and several ampoules onto the table's softly glowing surface. "Said I could take anything I thought might help. So... I went shopping."
I stared at the ampoules and picked one up, curious. Several chemical names had been printed on it, along with a barcode and the date of its manufacture, today. Long names that meant little to me, I quirked a brow.
"A little of this, a little of that. Some Ultramorph, MDMA, and tetrameth. I call it wolf racing fuel with a fire extinguisher, all in one," he said, grinning mischievously.
Ash smirked. "Casey. I don't think that's a good idea to be giving to Keems right now."
Casey looked hurt. "Who said it was for him?" He picked up the hypospray and loaded it. Before I could object, he shoved it against my arm and it hissed suspension into my bloodstream. Inwardly, I reeled. Sin had dosed me with drugs, plenty of times, and this was a reminder of that.
My pupils grew large and the room took on a crystalline sheen, colors became more vibrant as warmth flooded into me. I became acutely aware of every single air current that touched all the fur covering my body, ten million hairs. I relaxed. My fur took on a disheveled appearance, as if I had slept fitfully and hadn't used a brush in a week. All my follicles released their tension, I leaned against Ash and gave out a huge sigh.
Ash smelled outraged, until the fire burned out when she noticed the grin at the edges of my muzzle. I couldn't keep my paws to myself, and I played with her thick white coat, sliding my claws through it dreamily.
"Why the fuck not?" She grabbed the hypospray out of Casey's paw and popped an ampoule into it, then dosed herself.
Casey put his paw below hers and caught it as it tumbled from her grasp, she was obviously new to recs. He loaded the last ampoule and nervously twisted the device around in his paws, hesitating.
Ash stiffened, then relaxed. "Oh! Oh." She turned and looked at me, gently petting my ears, cautiously at first. My eyes shut with each touch, soon she was massaging them and my tongue hung out as I panted.
I temporarily gained some composure, and mumbled "gimme that" to Casey. I snatched it from his paw, like I was the grand master of operating coherently while stoned, and injected it into his arm. I carefully set it down onto the table and glanced at the clearly empty spot on my left, then him. His eyes opened wider when he understood my message.
He got up and stumbled on his way around the table, plopping down next to me with a huge smile, his tongue was hanging out, too. I hadn't realized just how much I missed these guys. Maybe it was the drugs, but no, the memories of our past were all as real as anything could be in my life.
People around us gave each other knowing smiles, conversation picked back up a notch or two, we were going to be fine.
Eventually the Ultramorph wore off and the tetrameth took a more dominant role, we started talking excitedly. Ash told me about all the different leads they had followed towards me, of which none lead anywhere useful. Their hunt around the galaxy, once even finding an enslaved Rhenthar who looked similar to me.
"He killed himself, after we freed him," Ash murmured.
"After that, I was like," Casey said, looking at me. "What if you were like that?"
Ash shook her head. "No, Keems is strong, I never worried. I just wanted you back," she said. "I knew that if we got you back, everything would be ok." She rubbed my stomach and peered down at my sheath. "Still in there, isn't it?" Her ears went sideways.
I nodded. "Yeah. I've got a way around it, but," I shrugged. "I got used to it."
Casey perked up. "Hey, we found a way to take it off. Cut your whole dick off, grow a new one from clone stock, and splice that on..." He shook his head.
"I think I'll pass on that, thanks. While it can be frustrating at times, we've come to a truce, at this point. You wouldn't believe how awful it was, in the beginning." Truth.
Ash sat up straight. "Zeek wouldn't tell us any details, he said that was all up to you. What did he? She? Do to you?"
I sighed and stared at her. "I was a sex slave in a harem, serving a female Chihuahua," I said, grinning huge. "She made me lick her toes every night..."
Ash's lips twitched, like she was going to cry, then she got angry. "Shut up... that isn't funny!" Casey started laughing, she turned her glare on him.
I shook my muzzle. "Thinking about it all hurts, too much." Truth.
We changed topics. People were re-introduced to me, there was some laughing and yelling, music started up. The social machine shifted into overdrive and we cruised down the highway of life, leaving nothing but photons in our wake.
Eventually they carried me to my quarters and left me on my bed to sleep peacefully.