The Secret Life of Joseph Davidson
"So, I'll be going to the salon to get my headfur done and I'll be back this afternoon," Joanne said. She was a beautiful vixen and Joseph felt very glad to have her but there were times when the two were apart both physically and psychologically, that this fox could not help but feel a bit shall we say, bored. And this drowsy Saturday afternoon was just one of those moments.
"Alright, dear", the tod said, almost automatically as his mind wandered and showed signs of fatigue in this summer heat.
"Just remember, there is... food... kitchen... call... pizza... if necessary" But Joseph had already recessed into the wondrous world of dreams all from the comfort of his red reclining chair.
"Only the strongest of bullfighters in Espana can dare take down this beast "La Fabricante de Viuva" or "Widowmaker". And when I lift this gate, truly all of Madrid will know with the Prime Minister in attendance who 'el Rey de Corrida' is."
With a salute, Joseph swung his red cape at the bull, knowing full well that one misstep would cost the fox his life. He dodged nimbly to one side, danced to the left, as though he were fighting Rocky Marciano except he would be K.O.ed for keeps if he did not stop moving. Quickly, Joseph grabbed the sword at his left hip and after just missing being gored by the bull, sunk the blade deep into the beast's back, shattering the heart in one fell swoop. The crowd started to cheer.
"El torero más grande de toda la España.
El torero más grande de toda la España"
The Prime Minister spoke up " This is impossible- you killed the strongest bull in our stables. I can't believe that no Spaniard could do this but an Englishman can kill this most powerful of bulls." The cheering for the young Limey bullfighter was deafening as roses flew from the audience to congratulate him but the heat in his astrakhan clothing was overhwelming and with the loud noise, Joseph Davidson soon fainted... with all the cheering.
Knock, knock, knock. Joseph woke up and examined through the window of his home, who was responsible for waking him up from his enjoyable dream. He could see two wolves, identical wearing the same tie and blue slacks with button-up shirt and both having parked their bikes on his doorstep. Groaning and half-dressed, Joseph opened the door after putting a pair of khakis on.
"Hi, I'm Jeremy and this is Gerald and we're from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Sain-"
"I don't care for your stupid religion- can't you go bother somebody else on this fine afternoon." A devilish smile crept across Joseph's muzzle as he pointed to his neighbor's house. "My neighbors would be more than happy to convert to Mormonism- over there".
That was good enough to give the missionaries the slip as once again Joseph Davidson rested his head upon his reclining chair and began another adventure.
"Doctor Davidson, what are the odds of me surviving this procedure?," the young she-wolf asked him as he straightened his tie and adjusted his belt.
"This may be the first time in medical science that this is happening but the world's best in canid nephrology will be with you every step of the way. This synthetic kidney of yours will function for you just as well as the real thing. And it's the only thing we have since we could not find a match. Now do you want to go on dialysis, Elizabeth Harley..."
"No, Doctor Davidson. Everything will be alright."
"If God wills it, everything will be alright". In truth, Davidson was going to need all the help from his medical school training, his lifetime of experience in studying the kidney, and of course, divine intervention to complete this first-of-its-kind operation successfully. With the grace and accuracy of a surgeon, his assistant cut the renal vessels of the cancerous kidney and Davidson hurriedly placed the synthetic plasticine kidney in its place. Would it still pump out impurities in the blood like a regular kidney? What about the mechanical glomerulus and the blood capillaries? What about autoimmune rejection? How would it affect Ms. Harley's urethra through which the urine passed on its way out?
All these questions were not really Davidson's to answer- only the people at Magitech could be given the credit (or blame) for this to happen. Davidson and Harley would be heroes in the field of medicine if the mechanical kidney worked but if not, he would be open to malpractice which would make him never be able to perform surgeries or diagnose patients ever again. The fox's entire career as a doctor laid on this surgery. Time blurred as he began to suture the skin and the fur back up, leaving a bald spot near where the incision was made.
But soon he could see a wet spot generated in the crotch of Harley's gown and she woke up, having wet herself. The mechanical kidney worked, he'd be a genius and a hero in medicine and Davidson opened the door to his office to find a camera crew waiting for him.
"How did the surgery go?" a jaguar reporter in a red dress asked him.
"She's still alive and the kidney is functioning at natural efficiency."
"This is worthy of a Nobel Prize. I'm here with Joseph Davidson, nephrologist who has just completed the very first mechanical kidney transplant in history" the jaguar said, her voice trailing off into cheers of happiness... and rejoicing... as the entire world became a blur.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Hello, I'm Ryan Turrell and I've got the most effective vacuum cleaner you've ever seen. Care for a demonstration," the jaguar said, his spots giving him a slick and attractive look necessary for door-to-door salesmanship.
"Get off my lawn!" Davidson said, slamming the door shut. "And go sell that to my neighbors."
Once again, he lay down in Dreamland for yet another adventure.
"Gen. Kreutz believes that the hypothermia will claim so many of the vacationers aboard the doomed ship Bountiful. It should never have gone that far south to hit all those icebergs," Lt. Cockrell said, the mustelid accent still recognizable in his voice.
"Well, you tell Gen. Kreutz that I'm the captain of this ship, I fought in the Falklands and the Biritish Navy turns to me to save those men vacationing to the South Pole. My father before me resting now at the bottom of the sea would not want his son cowering in such a situation."
He was a proud Briton who would save his friends, his countrymen, even total strangers for the sake of not his own good, not for the pretense of British heroism, but for the cause of decency and good will. The HMS Seawolf was desinged for saving people in the open waters and it had cannons for destroying the icebergs which would threaten both it and the smaller lifeboats when the Expedition fell.
"Ahoy! I see we have some survivors!"
A lifeboat filled with ten men and three women, one holding a baby came aboard the ship to cookies and hot chocolate. The woman spoke borken English but from what Davidson could hear she was thankful as this was their first meal in days. They had been adrift for days, drinking iceberg shavings to survive and now they would be carried back to civilization all because of the work of a brave and courageous fox.
"Thank you... thank you for saving us... we're alive... because of you."
Knock. Knock. Knock. Davidson awoke with a jump and he opened the door to see his wife, Joanne all dolled up in her new hair.
"I'm home- I see you've pretty much been relaxing even though I told you to straighten up things around here. All you ever do is read that American- oh, whats his name- Thurber"
"You said no such thing- why don't you check back earlier in the story to find that out?"
"I swear to God, you're the most lazy fox in all of England. What do you plan on doing with your life?"
"I dream of doing great things with my life," the fox said, his eyes twitching cryptically. For his wife would never understand what he dreamed about, how he spent his days. Joseph Davidson lived a pretty mundane life yet without the aid of movies, television, comic books, or video games, he was somehow able to escape the monotony of life.
With thanks to James Thurber and his "Secret Life of Walter Mitty". Ta pocketa pocketa pocketa!