Decisions
#2 of A Dream come True
I wake up, and my head and neck hurt. I can't open my eyes, probably crusted with dried tears from that wonderful dream and the shitty end. I try to move my arms and wipe the crust away, but I can't feel them. I begin to panic, my heart starts beating faster, my head starts spinning. Rumbling noises nearby. A rough yet friendly voice speaks to me. "Do not fear, you live. But only just. You need to calm down." My lips feel like sand, I try to talk, ask what happened to me. Or who is talking to me. "Wha... ha...e...?" "Do not speak, your body isn't finished yet. Just try to sleep a little longer."
It hadn't been just a dream, right? That dragon... had been real, right? Where is he now? Is he still alive? Is he wounded? "I'm alright, but I appreciate your worries about me." Another voice explained. Huh, but I haven't said anything right now, did I? How did he know what- "-what you were thinking? I'll explain that later, but for now you should rest. Your body is still in danger from what happened." My heart beats so hard I can feel it all the way u in my head like dozens of explosions. But I remember. I was shot. I was... It was no dream... He is alright, wait... this is no... That was no dream? That dragon is real. There is a real dragon? Is he healing my wounds?
"Sssshhhhhh. Sleep. Ygnov Ka'aht. Rest." The first voice whispered in a soft tune that numbs my senses. I get more and more sleepy with every moment, then fall back asleep.
I wake up again, my whole body hurts. I scream. As if someone ripped my skin off and was now pouring boiling water all over me.
Memories race through my head. The dragon, the policemen, getting shot, ... "No, not now." A voice yells in panic. "Ygnov Ka'aht. You can't be awake now... Ygnov Ka'tahr. Not ..."
I couldn't even hear the rest of the sentence before I fell asleep again.
Again I wake up. My body hurts, but I can bear with this amount of pain. I try to move my arm. It feels strange... as if it isn't my arm that I am moving. I try to open my eyes, but there is something right in front of them. I try to move my arm to my eyes so I can remove whatever blocks them. My hand lands on my forehead. A strange feeling in my... are those my fingers? Is that even my forehead? I guess my senses are still messed up from... the dragon... the dragon was real, right? It was no dream, right?
My fingers slide down until they find what makes me blind and remove it. I open my eyes. The ceiling, about 10 meters above me, was made of light beige stones, smoothened until they seemed to be glued together. No... molten together? Wait... where are my glasses? How could I see that clear without my glasses? I looked around. Large openings in the walls reveal a light blue sky. All around me seemed to be only the blue sky. I walk towards one of those openings, reaching a huge platform. Where... why are there Clouds below me? Okay, now this had to be a dream. But what if not? What if this was no dream? What could I still believe to be real? I rise my hand to hold my aching head. "WHAT the fuck... is this?" I shout out loud. What seemed to be my arm was covered in dark blue scales, my fingernails had changed into black claws. Is this a bad joke? I touch my arms, thinking about gloves... or long sleeves... trying to remove them. But it feels so real. My hands run up to my face. My mouth and nose had left their usual positions, forming a muzzle and nostrils. I feel my teeth... sharp and spiky... and probably a lot more than before.
My hands run further up. I still have hair on my head, middle-long and dark blonde as always. But my ears had changed their form, too. They had become more spiky, like elves ears. I look down at my body. My belly had disappeared. Well, not entirely disappeared, but from what I could tell I wasn't as fat as before. Instead I saw blue scales covering my chest. Just about now I realize that I don't wear any clothes. I am completely naked and... where is... Just out of instinct I felt further down. But they had become bigger... or were my hands smaller than before? I reach for the tinier scales just a little higher. I manage to reveal a small horizontal slit, containing pink flesh. A known feeling went through my lower section, like a 'Hi. Yes, I'm still here'.
I run back into that room where I woke up. What I had been lying on looked like some kind of altar. There were dragon statues at the four corners, all facing the inner area of the square stone surface, their tails wrapped around the pillar. Tails. I immediately turn my head around, begin spinning like a dog chasing its tail until I realize how dumb this was. I reach towards my butt. There was definitely something thick coming out of my body, just above my butt. I grabbed it and turned it towards me, losing my balance somehow. I land on my side, hitting my head at the altar. It hurts a lot, and I guess I was lucky that I didn't break my skull. I sit down on the altar and grab my tail again. Fascination quickly replaces my headache. It's covered in the same blue scales as the rest of my body. Dark blue on the top and side, slightly lighter on the bo...t...t...om... A mirror... I have never cared much about my look, but now I wanted to know it. I do not look like the dragon from my story, do I? That... no, that is impossible.
There, over there, at the central pillar of this room, there is a mirror. I position myself in front of it, muster myself. "Fuuuuuck... remove the hair, add the horns... and I am him." I say out loud. Even... wings... Of course I have wings... folded onto my back, only the tips are visible behind my shoulders. Unfold... how do I spread them? I try to stretch my shoulders and arms, but the wings don't move. I look into the mirror again. "...even his bright yellow eyes..." I mumble. I don't know what I should do now. Was this a dream, was it real? Let's assume that it was real... I could not return to work... or home... what if anyone sees me?
"Not satisfied?" a voice asks me. "Yes. Yes I am. This is... I can't describe... this must be a dream. This is just... WHAT?" A red head with bright green eyes had put its mirror image onto my left mirror shoulder. I turn around. Probably around my size. A bit muscular. Not like a bodybuilder... rather athletic. But otherwise the same build as me... an anthro-dragon. "Who are you?" I am sorry afterward for blurting it out like this, but I am really confused right now. "I forgot. You only saw me in feral form. You will get used to it, as to a lot more things." That somehow opened more questions than it answered. "You will have trouble pronouncing my name yet. Why don't you call me Drake for now?" Calling a dragon 'drake'? Oh come on, I guess even I could come up with something better. He smiles at me and speaks... something I can not understand at all... I am not even sure how to make those noises... "That was my real name. Want to try it?" he laughs cheerfully. "Okay... Drake... so... this is a dream, right?" I ask him. I had to accept that I couldn't talk to him with his real name.
"Depends on how you define the word. If you define it as a wish, something you wish for from the depths of your soul... yes, this is a dream. But if you are talking about the pictures you see when you are asleep, I can promise you that you are awake right now." Would a dream tell me that it is a dream? I am so close to insanity, mostly out of joy. "Do you feel better already?" He asks me while putting his right hand on my left shoulder. I feel a little uncomfortable with that and sit back onto this altar-thing. "I still... don't get it. Where am I? What happened? What happened to me?"
"Where you're at, that is one of the sky altars of... hmm... You might call her a goddess, but she is the queen of dragons in this region you know as 'Europe'. I was looking for you when you got shot by humans after... let's say you might have provoked them a little. But as for what happened to you, explaining this might take a while. It will challenge your beliefs. I might not be suited to explain this properly to you."
Okay... I might be losing my sanity right now. Dragon queen of Europe? Temple? This is not only challenging my beliefs, it's literally fucking up my brain. "Looking... for me?" Why should he have been looking for me? Again he speaks words I simply cannot understand. His body began to... deform. I am in shock right now. Cracking and ripping sounds. Drake's body grows in size. He goes down on all fours. His muzzle and neck stretch, arms become front legs, thicker, stronger. It took him about thirty seconds to transform into his feral form as he called it before. But he seemed to be smaller than before.
"I'm sorry, I should have warned you." His voice seemed to come from everywhere. He kneels down so his belly touches the ground. "Hop on." Unsure what I should do I slowly walk to him and lay my hands on his back, somewhere above the wings. He bends his head over to me and gives me a nudge by placing his muzzle between my legs and lifting me up. I feel embarrassed, having his muzzle at my balls.
"Sorry. I didn't want to touch you there if you are uncomfortable with it. I just didn't think about it." I could clearly hear that he was embarrassed, too. "N-no." I begin to stutter. "I j-just... I'm just not used to..." to have someone touch me? Touch me there? My head becomes hotter by just reimagining that short scene. Flashbacks of drawn pictures I had seen in the net. No, not now. Then he stands up and walks outside where he unfolds his giant wings. "Hold on tight."
I lean over, embracing his long neck with my arms. I place my cheek on his soft skin... so soft. With a few stomps and flaps he walked over the edge of the platform, falling like a stone. The wall of clouds comes closer. This was not going to end well, was it? More flapping. We dip into the thick clouds. Small drops of water gather on his soft skin, run down his neck, drip into my face and run into my nostrils. I cough heavily. He immediately rises over the clouds where the humidity was lower. I cough a little more, then the disgusting feeling of water in my nose subsides slowly. "I'm really not good at warning you, I'm sorry. You should try to close your nostrils when we dive through the clouds." "I'm still not used to this new body... guess I need more time for that... and practice... but tell me one thing. Weren't you bigger the last time?"
"Bigger? No, why should... oh, now I understand. No, but you have grown since then." That made sense, why hadn't I thought about that possibility before? My brain began calculating. If he is twenty-five meters long from nose to tail tip... then I would be... around... I look back to take a guess how far his body continues. ... around... three meters... maybe a little more... Despite riding this comparatively large dragon, I feel like a giant. I had a friend who was almost two meters, and his younger brother was even a little taller than him, but now I was enormous in comparison to them.
My friends... They would worry about me. But how should I explain this? Oh hey guys, sorry, I'm a dragon now. "You can't do that. You must know that we are not allowed to walk among the humans. There are only very few exceptions like in your case." My case? I was something special? "To me, you are the most special being in my life." "Huh?" But we barely know each other, and... what... I mean, that's nice to hear, but... "What?" "Okay, I'll try and explain it as simple as I can. When a dragon is born, it has no soul at first. The queen has to infuse it into the hatchling. But in a very low number of cases, the hatchling dies in the process, usually because an illness has weakened it. Then the soul wanders around aimless, often landing down on earth, where they are born into other bodies. Retrieving these lost souls is one of the exceptions of going down there."
I am... confused. Why me? Why now? If I was so special, why not earlier? "It's not like we wouldn't search for it, but the soul cannot be detected that easy. It first has to ripen. When the soul becomes mature, the beings often differ from the rest of their species, feeling as if they didn't belong to their kind, feeling secluded. From that time on it becomes possible to detect them. In your case it took even longer. We don't know why, but all that matter is that I have finally found you." Again this hint of... 'closeness' in his voice. "But what if I hadn't left my apartment? If I had raised the volume of my music and hadn't cared?" "I just knew you would. It slumbered deep inside you, waiting for its call." "But... I still don't get why I am so important, especially to you. You mentioned it several times now that I am special to you. Why?" "Dragons aren't born in thousands per day like humans. There are only a few hatchlings, and as I told you, some of them are not strong enough to receive their soul... and die. To us, each dragon is important. Humans slaughtered us down to the few that are left in what you call 'the medieval age'."
I feel sorry for him, for being a possible descendant of one of those killers. But still he didn't answer the question why I am so special to him. "Sorry... It might have been too early to tell you that, I shouldn't be so impatient. This must be hard to digest for you." Impatient? He really had been... waiting... for... ...me? "Please... let's talk about something else. I didn't want to rattle you." Everything is way too strange to me. I am a lost soul? The soul of a dragon? And what made me so special to him that he... "Right... I haven't thanked you for... it was you who saved my life, right? I know you were there." "Me and a priestess, yes. She tended to your wounds, controlled your transformation, kept you sleeping while I... I... could only watch..."
I must have hit a critical point. Maybe it was better to shut up for a while. On a mysterious way I owed him my life... although... was it my life that he rescued? Or has he just saved the soul of a dra-... no, I shouldn't think that, not if he can read my mind. I owe him. Things have become complicated, but without him I would be dead by now.
I hear him sigh. He heard every single thought... probably continued what I did not want to. He doesn't fly too fast, so I risk holding myself with just one arm, using the other to stroke his long neck. It still feels so unreal... So wonderful. Like a dream... like a dream that has become reality. I don't even realize that he will feel the stroking, too. Might even like it. Or misunderstand it. Twenty minutes passed unspoken. I had even tried to think as less as possible. In front of us lies something... a building... a giant building. "The palace. I have to report her majesty of your successful retrieval." The queen, heh? The draconic queen of Europe? I become nervous. I never was good at talking to my bosses. And now right to the top?
"Don't worry. I'll do most of the talking. A few rules... Don't look into her eyes. Try to look at the floor. Else she might take it as an insult. And kneel down in front of her just as I will do. Talk only if you are asked to do. And if she interrupts you: Don't complain, don't continue talking. I know these are hard... and probably not quite fair, but we shouldn't have to deal with her again. Just bear with it, okay?" "Eyes on the ground, only talk if asked, no complains... fine... I just hope it doesn't take too long, cause that's really against my nature." It has always been hard for me to shut up when it was needed the most.
Drake lands on a platform near the castle. In the distance, on another platform, I see anthro-dragons training with weapons. Swords, halberds, axes, bows, hand-to-hand. Another platform, even further behind, is filled with feral dragons breathing fire. I carefully climb down, giving my best not to scratch him with my claws while I do so. He transforms back right after I stood on the ground. The sounds weren't as ugly as when he grew into feral state, but they were still nothing I liked to hear. He grabs my hand, pulls me closer and walks towards the stairs that lead to the castle. "Why didn't we land up there?" I ask him. "We are not allowed to land up there."
A few minutes passed as we climbed the stairs. The guards at the entrance give me a look, then nod at Drake and let us pass. The castle looked much like I imagined one of those old medieval human bulwarks. Big gray stone bricks, dark metal fittings, oil paintings showing earthen landscapes, fights against humans... death and destruction... Another giant gate, big enough to let at least two ferals walk through, as long as they are about drakes size. The guards cross their halberds.
"Hold right there. What is your reason to disturb her excellence?" one of them snarls. "I have retrieved a lost soul and want to report to her majesty." I see them mustering me, eyeing each single centimeter of my body. I feel unsecure and cling to Drake. "Smells like a hatchling. What do you think?" one guard asks the other. "I remember the red one. Came to ask for permission to go down and find a soul a month ago. He may continue."
They open the door just a slit. Drake goes first, pulling me after him. A long room with large pillars. A carpet leading to a few stairs. Probably where the throne stands on. I start looking down, letting Drake drag me the remaining meters until he stops. In the corner of my eye I see him kneeling down, the left knee on the floor, next to the right foot, his hands resting on top of each other on his right knee, his face bowed down between his arms. His tail close to his body. Immediately I copy him. Having a little trouble keeping my tail immobile I clamp under my foot.
A deep voice thundered through the hall. Drake answered in a similar manner. This repeats a few times while Drakes head remains bowed down between his arms. Then, so it seems, the queen starts talking to me. "So you are the lost soul that has been found?" I gulp, my head feels hot. "Yes." I see how Drake turns his head slightly into my direction. Right... "...your majesty." "I want to see your eyes. I want to see it myself, that you have the soul of my offspring." Drake told me not to look into her eyes, but now she asked for it. What was I supposed to do now? I risked it and raised my head, looking into her eyes. She was a giant dragon, in her feral form. Giant... and... and... to be polite... disgustingly fat.
"Yes... yes it is you. You are indeed one of mine." I hastily put my head back down between my arms. "Good, good." The deep female voice continues. "I assume you are ready to integrate into our society, accept our laws and live your life in our way?"
How could I be ready? I was just thrown into this new life. I haven't been asked. I was just ripped out of my former life. I don't know anything about this... new... life. "I am waiting for your answer, lost soul." She sounds short-tempered. Fuck it... I would never be able to return to my former life. And before she gets more angry, I better reply. "Yes, your majesty, I am ready." "Good... good... Then tell me your name, so everyone knows how you want to be called." "I have been called Chris in my former life, and I don't see any re-" "So Chris it shall be. I hereby declare you a dragon of my kind, with every task and privilege that a member of my kind bears." Well, that was relatively easy. But I really hope I won't have too much business with her after this here is over.
She shouts something, again I am unable to understand it, as if they were using another language, but not based on words as I know them... but I can't figure out anything. Someone approaches me from the right. "Please, raise your head." I do as I am ordered and lift my head, paying attention not to look at the disgusting dragon queen. A stinging pain shoots through my right ear. "Ouch, what-" I remember to keep my mouth shut and lower my head again, hoping I would not be punished for speaking unasked.
"If that's all, you may now leave." The queen snorts loudly. Drake stands up and grabs, without a word, my hand. We rush through the door back into the hallway. "Phew. You almost got us killed there, you know?" I- What? "What do you mean by that? I gave it my best to act as you told me. What the fuck did even happen just now?" I feel for my ear, the stinging pain was still there. Cold metal.
A... a ring? Probably a sign for my... 'origin', as I begin to notice that Drake also has a ring in his right ear. I think back to my story... Sorry Arkay... got it in the wrong ear. "Yeah, funny, right?" "Huh?" I am a little confused. What was he talking about? "About your Arkay, and how much you resemble him. As if your soul knew exactly how you'd look like." "You... know him?" "Your story gave the necessary hints for finding you. One cannot simply make up those kind of details. You always knew it, you just weren't aware of it. You could say that your soul wrote the story so it could be found."
Now I was totally confused. He knew my story? I... I... never told anyone of it. Not the tiniest hint. And now there was this dragon right next to me, talking to me about my story? What is he thinking of me? Does he hate me for being gay? "Don't be silly." he smiles at me. "Why should I hate you for what you are? As long as you are who you want to be, I will always lo-" he coughs. "Well, I mean... just be yourself, okay? Your former life does not count up here." He will always lo-what? My heart races. He wasn't... was he... Was my life taking the same turn as my story? Was he... no... no no... no no no no. "What's wrong with that? Haven't you written that you would give up everything if exactly this would happen to you? Shouldn't I have done..." he gulps audible. I can literally feel his discomfort. "No, let's talk somewhere else. I don't want to have this talk in front of the palace, okay? I'll take you home with me. When we arrive, you can ask me whatever you want. I'll answer everything I can. No secrets, I swear."
I nod in agreement. When we arrive at the lower platform he begins to transform again. This time I climb his back hastily so he doesn't have to help me. Again I wrap my arms around his soft neck and press myself against his warm body. It just feels so great. But am I doing the right thing?
Just a few minutes of flight later, we arrive in what looks like a village. Lone standing houses with big gardens, separated by fences, hedges... If I didn't know that this was the land of dragons I would never guess that this is not on earth. "Basically this is still on earth. Just in a hidden area far above the clouds, invisible for the human eye due to magic." Drake lands on a central place and already begins to transform back while I am still on his back. "Wow, careful." "Sorry Chris... flying in feral form costs a lot of energy..." he pants heavily. "Would be nice if... you could help me... a little." I get off him and wait for his transformation to end, then I help him stand up. I put his arm over my shoulders to support him. He points to one of the houses a little further away. "The light blue one with the big hedge."
Two minutes later, we stand in front of the door. A dark, wooden door. A small, half circled window with blurry glass in its upper half. A larger window of the same glass on each side of the door. I see the doorknob, but no lock or anything else, so I grab the knob and try to open the door. Nothing moves. "Hehe, that won't work." he laughs weakly. "Okay, thanks. I think I can walk on my own for now." He lifts his arm off my shoulders and grabs the knob, opening the door without any effort. "Okay, here's question number one... Magic?" "Hehe, yes. But let me sit down before you ask me any more questions. And I could need a snack. Want some, too?" I wasn't really hungry... but before I end up staring at him while he eats... "Yeah, sounds good."
The interior is quite plain. White walls, a few shelves and cupboards, nothing that seemed to be personal. "The living room is just over there. I'll be with you in a minute." He disappears through a door into a room that looks like a usual kitchen. Light brown wood, a metallic stove with oven. Everything looked like human stuff. Well, at least one thing that might make it easier for me to get used to this... new form... Over in the living room it all looks the same... like a casual living room... Well, a little more luxurious than a common one, and especially more luxurious than my small appartment... but it all looked so... normal to me. As if it was made by humans. There is a big, comfortable-looking couch, easily big enough for the two of us. So I sit down and look around. A little to the left is a fireplace. Does not look as if it he used it often. A large desk at the right wall. A bookshelf behind the door. Everything looked quite clean... and new.
"Yeah... I acted a little fast after I found out where I would find you. Maybe too fast." There was a sad tone in his voice. Was it because of me? "No... yes... both..." he sighs "Where shall I begin. There is so much I'd like to tell you... but... I... I'm not so sure about that anymore... I feel... guilty... for putting you into this life. But... the moment I landed near your place, it all was decided. I was so happy to finally meet you... and you seemed to be so happy to see me, too... Then this accident happened, and I had to decide for you... live as a dragon, as you are meant to be... or... let you die... as... the human you used to be. I never thought about how you might decide. When I read your words, your deep wish of meeting a real dragon... meeting me... I made the egoistic decision to take you with me." Big tears were rolling down his face.
"Drake, please. Stop crying. You saved my life. You made a dream come true. A dream... A dream that I never had any hopes for. You don't need to be sorry. I have to be. It just... asks too much of me... too many massive changes in such short time. I can't just live as if nothing happened. Give me time to get used to it, okay? Let... let us start slowly, okay?" Do I even realize how I sound?
More and more tears emerge his big emerald green eyes. I slide a little closer to him and rest his head on my shoulder. "Just a little more time, that's all I ask for. I somehow begin to understand how you feel for me, although I can't explain myself why... and I can't say it enough... you are my impersonated dream. Something I never thought it could become real. I just have to digest that I won't be able to return to my former life. So many things I was used to. People are probably worrying about me... I have two jobs, friends, family... To them I have disappeared without any traces. I even left the computer runni...ng... OH FUCK! I was about to write on my story when I ran outside. Everyone is going to find out... shit... My life is ruined. They are going to know that I am into..." Realization hits me. "That I WAS into that... to them I am dead... What might they think of me now?"
"They won't search your place just because you went missing for mere two days, do they?" Two days? Work was missing me probably... But what does it matter. Two days, two weeks... two years... someday they would send the police to go into my apartment. They would find out, show my family... "Not if they don't find anything... right?" "What do you mean? How should they not see what's on the screen?" "I told you of certain exceptions of our rules, right?" I nod. "It's permitted to... remove any traces of the lost soul after its... acknowledgment. But no one says that the lost soul is forbidden to do that himself. And nobody has forbidden bringing certain items into our place."
"So... you mean you could bring me back there, so I can... I don't think I need my PC anymore... There is no electricity here, right?" "Of course we have. Why do you ask?" "Any means of contacting people?" "You... Like telephone? Or internet? Of course we have it." Of course... how else could he have read my story? "Do you regret my decision?" he asks me. The question hits me hard. I hurt him. Why did I hurt him, he did nothing wrong.
"Don't make that sad face. I know I said that I might even give up writing my story if it would give me a chance to meet a real dragon... you... but I have to admit that I would miss it. If I could take my laptop with me I had a chance to continue my story... tell my friends and family that I am still alive, but unable to return to them. They would still worry, but less. I know that it will hurt more than just letting them go, but I can't do that. Not all at once. You can ask a lot of me, but please don't ask me to forget the past twenty-five years." Still not convinced he continues to give me this sad look. "Please... I can't simply forget my old life and live on as if nothing had happened. I feel responsible to do at least this little." Even now he does not look convinced as he takes his eyes off me. "Look, Drake, If I have access to the internet even up here, I can do most of it after getting my laptop. But I'd feel better if I had a chance of wiping the hard drives of my computer. I was into many things that the average human cannot understand. You know the story I wrote... homosexuality... fantasy creatures... animals. They don't have to know it. No, I don't want them to know."
"How long would you need to erase those traces?" "A few minutes are more than enough. Why do you ask? Is there anything wrong?" "You saw how humans react when they see a dragon... Even though it was night, there was a lot of trouble." "I'll take them out of the computer... then it's just a matter of seconds until you can destroy them, right? A few stomps, a little fire... whatever you like. My life down there might have ended... but I am still alive, and I want to let them know. I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully if I knew they would mourn for me." "Then tonight we go back. Are you sure that is everything you want to do?" "It's not really personal, but I'll do the hard stuff online from here... If you lend me a shoulder to cry on afterwards." This made him smile. "Of course. I will be there for you, whenever you need me."