Ghosts of the past
#5 of A Dream come True
The meal was very filling, leaving me unable to move longer distances. Damn, I could have lived two days of that, maybe even three days when I was still a human. Drake puts the dishes into the dishwasher, then lends me a hand, leading me into the living room.
"So, what music do you like. Metal, right? Are you okay with Rock?" "Actually I hoped we could continue our questions and answer game from yesterday. There is still so much I want to know about the world I am going to live in... about... me... and you. You know so much about me, but... I don't know anything about you." "Sure. Just thought a little music in the background would make a nicer atmosphere." He walks into a corner of the room where a small desk stands. With a few quick movements he reveals a monitor, keyboard and mouse, clicks a few times.
"So, you have a computer?" I ask him curiously. "Sure. Most dragons have one... or more. We have adapted to most of human technology." The room begins to fill with the sound of drums and guitars. I don't think I have heard that song before, but he is right. A little sound in the background makes it even more comfortable.
Drake jumps on the couch, lies down so there is no space for me. "What do you mean, 'no space for you'? You can lie right on top of me. Don't worry, you are not too heavy for me." "Drake... please... that's too fast for me. I don't feel comfortable with this pace. I have never been close to someone, especially not another huma... sorry, another being of my kind. I'm... scared... scared of getting hurt, not physical, but mentally. I know you don't mean any harm to me, but I can't just switch that off. Believe me, there is so much I would love to do, but... even talking about that makes me feel... bad."
"Sorry... I hope you can understand me... I have waited so long, and now you are finally here. I know I am trying too fast, I just... don't know how to go slower..." I gently push his legs off the couch and sit down next to him. I lean onto his body, place my head on his shoulder. My heart tries to jump out of my chest. Come on, calm down Chris... You have spent last night even closer to him. Damn, you even kissed him. With your fucking tongue. "And if I may add, it wasn't that bad." He laughs while ruffling my hair up. There was so much I wanted to ask him, but I did not want to ruin the mood. Maybe later... For now... cuddling sounds great... maybe a little nap. Yeah... nap sounds... great...
Drake moves into a more comfortable position, slowly moving my head from his shoulder to his lap where he continued stroking through my hair. A long forgotten feeling comes up. A warm feeling, surrounding my heart.
Before my inner eyes I see my long deceased cat lying in front of me, purring. I am lying next to her, gently stroking her, scratching her right behind her ears as she liked it most. She opens her beautiful green eyes just a slit, closes them again. This feeling that is so much deeper than just trust or safety...
"You really loved her... hm?" How could I not? She was like my little sister... even more... maybe even like a girlfriend. Nothing sexual... no. That would have felt wrong. I just felt so... I can't describe it. "I haven't taken you away from her, right?" Drake sniffles slightly. "No... no, she died a few years ago. I'd rather not talk about it... Too painful..."
His strokes extend from my hair to my back and side. His hands slowly begin to massage me softly, until I fall asleep.
I wake up from a tickling on my belly. Slowly I open my eyes. The table... the fireplace... I lie on Drakes legs. I slowly move my head to find the source of that tickling. It's Drake's head lying on my hip, his warm breath stroking over my blue scales.
I carefully hold his head while I untangle myself from his grip and stuff a few cushions under it. I don't want to wake him now. On my way to the front door I notice my laptop bag still standing there. I open the sidebag and grab the photo I had taken with me. "Hey Sal... It's me..." I begin while I sneak out of the door. Outside I sit down on the stairs right at the door.
"...Yeah, you probably don't recognize me, hm? It's me... Chris... The human that you cuddled so much with... yeah... hard to believe, isn't it? ...I don't know what to do..." I remain silent for a while... waiting for an answer that never will come.
"What do you think about him? He's a good guy, right? Yeah... you would have liked him... and he would have liked you... he's a softy, just like me... Come on, don't give me that look. You know exactly that I will never forget you. How could I? All those years... those moments you lied on my shoulders... or on my arm below the bed sheet? Or... when... you died... Yeah I know... I should concentrate on the good times we had... but... I should have seen the signs... We could have had a few more years... cuddling... and playing... sunbathing... sleeping..."
Arms surround me from behind. Drakes head lowers onto my shoulder with sniffling noises. "Who are you calling a softy?" "Drake, since when... Sorry... I must give a pathetic look..." My heart almost stops from the shock. I hoped that I had been alone. "Nonsense... you are not pathetic... there is just a deep wound in your heart. A wound that does not heal..." I feel sorry that he had to see me like this.
"Hi Sal... I'm Drake... a friend of this poor guy here. You have been close together, hm?... You have watched over him, cared for him... And I want to thank you for that. He's such a loving guy that it hurts... But who am I telling this? What do you think... is there enough space for both of us in his heart?... ... Are you sure? You really want to share him with me? That's so nice of you."
"You can stop that Drake... Sorry... I just..." I'm close to crying again. "...how to handle the whole situation? Can you meet my expectations? That again?" his long tongue wanders over my cheek, wiping the salty traces away. It feels weird having him lick me. Weird, but not wrong. More... comforting... "Don't be stupid. Haven't I told you already? You are more than I hoped for. You are such a loving guy. Whenever I think of you, my heart makes a jump. I know I seem too impatient for you. I probably am... but I won't do anything you do not want me to. I will wait for you to be ready... for your wound to be healed. And if it takes centuries - I will wait for you."
I can't hold my tears anymore. Large streams run down my face. "Let it all out... all the pain... all the sorrow and grief... Don't worry about me. I'll be here, comforting you in any way I can." This is all too much for me. Is it just because he can read my mind that he can understand my pain? Or are we connected on a deeper base? He always seemed to find the right words for me. He is everything I hoped to find in a partner... everything... all together. I caress his cheeks with my left hand, still holding the framed picture in the other hand.
Are you sure Sally? Are you really okay sharing with him? Are you... as long as I am happy? As long as it is what I want? If he casts a genuine smile on me? Yes... yes he will. I am sure he will be able to do that. Thank you... thank you, Sal... thank you... My cute little ball of fur... thank you.
"You were right. I really would have liked to get to know her. A true lioness - watching for her cub not to get lost on its long journey." "You really like to see me crying, so you?" I cry loud. "I prefer you smiling. Especially that sly smile you try to hide. But if you are in pain, you can cry as much as you want. It doesn't make any difference to me. I'll always be there for you."
I turn around, as much as his tight hug allows, and pull him into a kiss. My body does it almost on its own, but I have to admit that I like that feeling. That I want more of this. That I wanted even more than just this.
"That's the smile I was talking about." Drake says after our lips part again. "No idea what you are talking about." I laugh, knowing that he knew what I was thinking. "Oh, of course not." He laughs back at me. "Why don't we find a nice place for her? You think she might have liked the fireplace?" "You better don't put any other stuff on there... she has the habit of throwing stuff down from shelves if it's in her way." "Of course not. It'll be just for her, so she can continue watching over her cub. I'm not starting a fight with a lioness."
A lioness? My guardian? Has she been that for me? She always looked so small... so fragile... "And you look like a fierce and bloodthirsty monster... according to humans... looks can be deceiving." We share another moment in silence, only hugging and rubbing our muzzles gently along each other. "Chris?" "Hm?" "I'm sorry... I should have felt that you had this heavy burden clamped onto your heart."
"Drake... I think I should tell my friends now... my family... I can't really start enjoying this before making sure they know that I am still alive." "Are you sure? Don't you think you should wait a day or two?" "No. No... I want to get this done. You don't need to suffer unnecessarily. I don't want you to. It'll be the final end of me... Chris... the human."
Hand in hand we walk back into the house. I grab my bag when we walk through the hallway. Back in the living room, I place my laptop on the desk. I begin to realize that it would be hard to type on this small keyboard. Okay, actually the keyboard is normal-sized... But I am not. "Want to use my computer?" "Nah. I'll try mine first. I can still switch when it gets too hard."
I boot my laptop. Windows starts up. "Do you already know what you'll be writing?" "I'll come up with it while I type." I enter the password carefully, so I don't break anything with my claws. It works better than I expected. I immediately start the email program.
"Okay... who needs to know? My dad... He'll tell my mom and the rest of the family... my work has to know... the landlord... and of course my friends... Damn, that's a lot..." I enter their addresses into the To-field, not feeling sure if I should write one for work and another for friends and family. Nah... may they think whatever they want.
Title...
My sudden disappearance
Dear employers, family members and friends,
It might be hard to believe, but I am afraid that I will never be able to return from where I currently am. I assure you that I was not abducted or anything like that and don't want anyone to do research on my whereabouts. For everyone who cares: I am at a place where I, for the first time in my life, feel at home. I know this has come very surprisingly, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
I know that my disappearance causes a lot of trouble, especially to my employers. I am sorry for this. I am also sorry for breaking into my own apartment - yes, it was me - but there were many secrets that should remain that way, and I had no other choice. If you knew my situation, you would understand.
Dad, I know this will be extremely hard for you, explaining this to the old bitch and the rest of the family. Sorry. But please believe me that about everything has turned to the better for me now. It may be sudden... too sudden to believe it, but I have found friends here. Friends that I can trust completely. No, really. I am not on drugs. You know I wouldn't lie about that. I wish I could tell you more about what happened, but I can't.
To my friends: Sorry for not saying bye to you in a more proper way. We'll probably never hear of each other again. I can't tell if I'll be able to check my emails ever again, so don't hope for me answering any of your questions.
I know this sounds like a joke, but let me promise you this: I am gone... forever... Will never be able to return. I'm not even sure I would return if I could. This place is like paradise for me.
Yours, Chris
"You're really going to send that?"
"I know... it's crap... but I want this to be done as fast as possible. And I have never been too good with words. I want to finish with my past. Actually I don't really care how they think about me now. To them, I might as well be dead. I thought it would be a lot harder for me... somehow... I don't care about them anymore... Does that make me a bad person?" "I... They are your friends, your family..." "I never had a lot of contact to my family... and my friends... sure, it's a little hard to give them up all at once... but what else should I do? You know it yourself... I can't return. I even thought about not telling them, pretending that I might have died... But I can't do that."
"Maybe you should sleep a night over this before sending it."
"Drake... I know you are right. And I will probably regret doing this... but..." I hover the mouse over the send-button and click once. "...now I am free. The burdens of the past... gone..."