Chapter 17: What Can I Do For You?
#17 of The Mating Season 3
Chapter 17: What Can I Do For You?
Ever since Zaldon and Julyan had had their talk the other day, Zaldon could not stop thinking of Kel. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought of Kel all these years, but for the first time in a long time, he could think of nothing else. While he had grown to love Julyan very deeply as his life partner, lover, and best friend, Kel was still the love of Zaldon's life. Kel was still the male who would always really possess Zaldon's heart. Kel was still the one who got away. And he thanked god that Julyan was a partner who was understanding enough to allow him this love without rage or jealousy. He thanked the gods that may be for Julyan everyday.
But could Zaldon bring himself to do what Julyan had requested? Could he really face Kel after what had happened between them? Zaldon still remembered standing with Kel outside of the gates of the summer village that day so long ago. Kel had told him they shouldn't see each other again. Ever. And how could Zaldon have protested? Hadn't Zaldon done the same thing to Kel when they were eighteen, young wolves fresh out of boyhood and into the adult world? He had told Kel that he couldn't have him any more, that it was over. How could he expect anything less from Kel that day at the gates? And so, though it caused a pang in Zaldon's heart, he had looked Kel in the eye and had tried to smile as he agreed to his horrible, to this heart-wrenching thing.
We shouldn't see each other anymore. You have Julyan. It's over now. Kel's words.
Standing at a window in the front room of the hut with daylight pouring in across his face, Zaldon closed his eyes and bowed his head, his ears going flat. He was twirling a little flower in his big fingers and hearing without really listening to Julyan's movements in the other room as the silver wolf prepared for his shift on the home patrol. Zaldon stared at the little yellow flower, absorbed in his thoughts. Kel had said those things to him. But what had he really expected? Was it foolish of him to think that he could see his own goddamned friend every once in a while! Maybe it was. He crushed the flower suddenly in his fist and didn't look up when Julyan entered the room.
Julyan stood in the doorway leading off the hall, his spear in his paw, adjusting the symbol he always wore in a necklace around his neck. Zaldon still didn't look up, but he could smell Julyan's scent, for it filled the room, the soft delicious scent of his downy fur, a scent so feminine and enticing.
Zaldon heard Julyan move through the room and to his side, felt Julyan's paw touch him inquisitively.
"Have you been thinking about it?" Julyan asked quietly.
"I'm not going, Julyan," Zaldon said gruffly. His ears went flat on his head and he stared resolutely out the window. "Because Kel doesn't want me to. And . . . that's all there is to it."
"No, there isn't."
Zaldon looked up: Julyan was smiling at him sadly.
"Why do you want me to go so badly!" Zaldon demanded, breathless suddenly in his confusion. "Why do you want this for me? Most lovers would be jealous, try to keep me away from Kel, but you? You all but force me into his lap!"
Julyan laughed, and resting his spear against the wall, he went to a table where a small bowl of his war paint was waiting and started drawing the usual symbols on his face. He was a warrior of the sun village and a part of the home patrol and this war paint as well as the symbol around his neck was a part of his uniform. He stood with his back to Zaldon, applying the war paint, and Zaldon watched from the window as Julyan pulled his long silvery mane back in a tail, those tight muscles in his back and arms flexing nicely.
"I never told you about Ambrose," said Julyan at length, his back still to Zaldon. "He was the love of my life, much the way Kel is yours. And we had pretty much the same story: we broke up. I met him at my first mating season." Zaldon saw him shake his head as he laughed lightly again, then continued applying the war paint. "He was the most goddamned beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I thought the sun rose and set in his ass."
Zaldon couldn't help but laugh with Julyan to hear this.
"He was my first, Ambrose. Took my virginity. We fell in love. We lived together for years. All we did all day was fuck and cook when we weren't on patrol. Fuck and cook. Two of the sexiest things you can do, and we did it. For years, we did it. I gave my heart to him, he gave me his."
When Julyan stopped and didn't go on, Zaldon asked quietly from where he was standing beside the window, "What happened?"
"We broke up. Isn't that what lovers do? He met someone else. Moved on. I lived alone. But he was still the love of my life. I was still his. You can meet all the males in the world and spend your life with them, that one special male will never lose possession of your heart. And Ambrose never lost my heart. He still has it. We lived in the same village, worked on the home patrol together. Of course we were going to run into each other. He wanted me to come around some time, see him, keep in touch. I refused. Though I still loved him, I refused. And one day when I finally decide that maybe seeing him wouldn't be such a bad thing, I find he's dead."
Julyan's voice was bitter on that last word. He finished painting on his war paint, then crossed the room again for his spear. Zaldon stood stung beside the window, not knowing what to say. Julyan smiled sadly at his speechlessness, kissed him on the lips, and turned for the door.
"Wait!" Zaldon cried, grabbing Julyan's arm.
Julyan turned to face Zaldon and was warmed by the helplessness, the devotion in those black eyes.
Zaldon shook his head. "Julyan, you have done so much for me these past years. With all your love and support -- just by being what you are, you have raised my soul from the depths! I couldn't have survived losing Kel without you! You are always so willing and ready to do anything for me, even let me be with an ex-lover. What can I do for you? Anything. Name it and it is done!"
Julyan was startled and his pale lashes fluttered, but his lips spread slowly into a smile. He cupped Zaldon's face and whispered lovingly, "Hold me close at night. Be strong and compassionate and tall and white. Have deep black eyes that look at me everyday of my life with the purest sincerity. Whisper my name in your sleep. Smell of things untamed and yet tender. Smile at me every once in a while in that way that makes my heart flutter, my blood rush, and a chill run through my fur. Then whisper three words in my ear. And . . . I'll be satisfied."
Zaldon smiled down at Julyan, his ears going back flat on his head: Julyan was listing things Zaldon already did and Zaldon already was.
"Oh, Julyan," Zaldon whispered, sighing helplessly. "No male could ask for a better lover."
"So are you going?"
"In a week, perhaps. I think I should stay here a while longer for Yuri. She's still settling in, and she clings to me because I am the only one who can understand her."
Julyan nodded. It was true: Yuri was very upset anytime Zaldon had to leave the hut.
"This will be good for you, Zaldon. And . . . I couldn't see you in the kind of pain I knew. The kind of pain I still know." Julyan smiled and would have turned away again, but Zaldon pulled him back and kissed him warm on the mouth.
Startled by this sudden affection, Julyan's lashes fluttered rapidly.
"Don't be in pain anymore, Lavender Eyes. Ambrose knew you loved him! The same way I know Kel still loves me . . . thanks to you."
"You know," said Julyan after a pause, "there is one thing you could do for me."
Zaldon waited.
"Kiss me like that again!"
Zaldon laughed, and taking Julyan into his arms, he bent him back in a passionate kiss.