FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Reflections on SuicideDouble TroubleThe world is a violent place. Some choose to accept that as nature. Others reject that nature and strive for peace. To live a peaceful life is not easy in a violent world. One is surrounded every day by violent struggles, from war to hunger, from fighting in the household to fighting in the streets. Violence is everywhere, it is an inescapable reality in a material world where death and destruction are inevitable facts of life. Only death and taxes are guaranteed in this world. Some try to hide from this reality, and shelter their eggshell minds from this chaotic and painful existence. The sad reality is that no matter how you try, violence will always catch up to you. It will hunt you like a dog. It will drag you down like a fish caught on a lure. You can pray and beg mercy of your god, but we are men of matter cursed to live in pain, and in pain and violence we shall live.To demonstrate this, I will introduce you to an unnamed friend of mine. A vicious and hideous beast of mankind, who lives for the thrill of a kill. He has no soul, and so he has no name. Like anyone else, he was once a sweet little baby. He was just a little man in diapers like you all were before, raised to have dreams and to look up to the future. This family was not very well off financially though, and when hard times hit his dad became abusive. He would drink away his stress, and come home and trouble his family. In and out of jobs, some more legitimate than others, and so dad ends up in jail. Mom cannot take care of herself and child alone, so child must mature fast and be on his own quick. Mom and dad are not there for this young man, who quickly grew colder and angrier. He spent long hours overnight in the streets, preying on the younger, weaker kids, who are lost, or maybe even without a home also. Theft, extortion, and other small crimes soon became a way of life for this young man. The sad reality is that no matter how you try, violence will always catch up to you. It will hunt you like a dog. It will drag you down like a fish caught on a lure. You can pray and beg mercy of your god, but we are men of matter cursed to live in pain, and in pain and violence we shall live.

 And so fighting and robberies were becoming a routine for this abandoned young man, who goes by no name. He lives on the streets because his parents don't want him. He slowly became introduced to drugs, to ease the pain of homeless life. The rush from the high only enhances his already adrenaline saturated mind in a life of fighting and stealing and sleeping outside. As the drugs take their effect, and wear out the brain, it leaves him craving and wanting more - higher doses, more violence. He doesn't even realize when he kills a man for the first time, beaten down to death and left to die. All he needed was a few dollars to fill his need for more. The sad reality is that no matter how you try, violence will always catch up

to you. It will hunt you like a dog. It will drag you down like a fish caught on a lure. You can pray and beg mercy of your god, but we are men of matter cursed to live in pain, and in pain and violence we shall live.Murder soon became an everyday thing this depraved madman. He got himself a gun and kept it with him always. He built a reputation for being cold blooded and often, in exchange for his mercy, his victims would comply with anything he would demand. This power, this thirst for blood and revenge had corrupted his mind, and in fact, maybe let his sense go. One night he walked into a small convenience store, a lone clerk at the desk. All this menace, this beast wanted was some liquor to drown his anger in drunkenness, and so he stormed the shop bearing his weapon clearly and demanding the clerk to submit to his godly power of bloodlust and insanity. He turned, to check the shelf, looking for his booze, but turned away only to find the clerk had just drawn his own semi-automatic compact pistol from under the counter. The two caught eyes for a split second, and immediately knew what was next. They then both simultaneously unleashed a hailstorm of hot lead throughout the shop. Shrapnel bounced everywhere with shards of glass. The loud cracking of firearms split their ears, and rang down the otherwise quiet street into the dead night. Food and supplies spilled across the floor, along with the blood spilled by each combatant as they fought to take each other's life. They fought with valiant bravery, ducking and dodging, hiding and covering, diving and unleashing a hellfire onto each other. As the small shop filled with smoke and the smell of cordite, and as the fire suppression systems became activated it was becoming clear the outcome of the battle - a battle of merely a minute or two, but what felt like an hour. And to the surprise of our young man, the clerk of the store had taken the advantage here. Our bloodthirsty antagonist had met his match, and suffering from severe blood loss and severed organs, he succumbed to his injuries and died on the floor in a puddle of his own blood and alcohol. Miroslav, on the other hand, shook off his coat, and called for help. He too was injured and losing blood, but he will survive that night, only to wake up again and relive this horror again and again and again. The sad reality is that no matter how you try, violence will always catch up to you. It will hunt you like a dog. It will drag you down like a fish caught on a lure. You can pray and beg mercy of your god, but we are men of matter cursed to live in pain, and in pain and violence we shall live.

 Miroslav, after recovering physically from injuries to his arm and abdomen, among other cuts and bruises, went home a changed man. The son of a Russian family that had fled the wars which tore their old homes apart, his parents only wanted him to be free from the violence found throughout the world, back home and nearby. Miroslav

was born here, in America, a place of dreams and peace and freedom. Little did he know that this monster, this fugitive of the law who lived above the law, would come and violently take that from him. Miroslav now suffers daily, unable to cope with the stress of combat and witnessing death himself, he became depressed, scared, and isolated. He survived that firefight, but those memories would survive also, and live with him, and haunt him. Despite the fact that Miroslav knew how to shoot, he was not a killer, and chose not to be, for Miroslav loved peace. Miroslav loved humanity and the earth, and was deeply saddened to have killed even the most filthy and hate-filled monster out there, even to have killed in self-defence, but Miroslav wanted to go through life without killing anything. The sad reality is that no matter how he tried, violence caught up to him. It hunted him like a dog. It dragged him down like a fish caught on a lure. You can pray and beg mercy of your god, but we are men of matter cursed to live in pain, and in pain and violence we shall live.

 Miroslav would awake screaming sometimes. Everyday he relived that terror; the sounds of gunshots and sights of blood haunted him every day and every night. He felt sedated, helpless, and afraid. He began to have difficulty concentrating, and would be consumed by the fear from this encounter with violence and death. He lost his family, his recently married wife and newborn child. He became distanced from his family and friends. He stopped working; stopped going out; and stopped living. He was in uncontrollable debt and lost all hope for life. He felt that there was no way to escape the brutal violence surrounding him throughout this planet. He went home cold and empty one night, without family and friends; without a job or support. The violence was slowly consuming even his very soul.Miroslav died later that night. He shot himself in the head with the very same pistol he had used to defend himself. It's ironic, because all Miroslav ever wanted was to live a peaceful life in this violent world. Unfortunately the violence caught up to him. It hunted him like a dog. It dragged him down like a fish caught on a lure. You can pray and beg mercy of your god, but we are men of matter cursed to live in pain, and in pain and violence we shall live.