I. Breaking routine
I. Breaking routine
As told by Lily
"Hey Puppy," I said, reaching one arm over and resting it around my boyfriend's side.
Far from finding my title for him demeaning, the darkly-patterned Shepherd instead smiled, and slowly blinked his eyes, reaching one paw up to grab my own.
"Have a dry night?" I asked, slipping the other paw down to check his diaper.
I felt the heat from his face as he blushed at this, then he nodded. He was so adorable in the mornings, when he hadn't quite mentally 'grown up' just yet.
"Aw, that's great, Kaeden. You'll be a dry puppy in no time at this rate." The corners of my muzzle turned up in a bemused smile, knowing it was all for show.
Despite the fact that I kept my handsome dog in diapers around the clock, we still made an effort to improve his potty-training. Daytime accidents still happened, although they were much less frequent than they used to be. His bedwetting problems, however, had shown no improvement since I had come to know him. Kaeden rarely woke up dry, and although I knew it wasn't something he could consciously control, it still felt right to praise him for it.
"It's time you get out of bed and get ready for work now, hon."
He turned and gave my nose a lick, before turning over and shuffling out of bed. I sat up, and rubbed the sleep out of my own eyes.
"Wash your paws and I'll be right down to feed you breakfast, okay?"
"Okay," he said, before turning and heading downstairs.
I wasn't concerned about his short answers. His tone wasn't gruff, and he tended not to speak much for a half hour or so after he awoke regardless. Just how he is, I guess. I couldn't help but watch him leave, though. I grinned at the sight of the dinosaur-patterned t-shirt covering his strong back, and the thick diaper hugging his bottom, underneath his fluffy tail. I momentarily wondered how many other women awoke every morning to such an adorable sight.
As he went downstairs, though, I knew I had to go through my own morning routine. I shucked my pajamas on the way to the attached bathroom, washing my own paws, and brushing out a bit of golden fur so it laid a bit more straight, matted from a night of laying on a pillow. I wasn't terribly vain about my appearance, especially when I didn't have to go into work, so I didn't take long. Later on today I'd have to do a couple hours work from home, but it wasn't much, and it would save me a trip clear into the office.
I went back into the bedroom and changed undergarments. Unlike Kaeden, I don't wear diapers, and it's not something I ever intend to do again. That's a long story in and of itself, but needless to say, I don't have the same sort of warm and fuzzy association with wearing the infantile things that my boyfriend does. It's hard for me to understand what he sees in it, but when I care for Kaeden in that puppyish way? I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.
Decided I'd figure out daywear later, I threw on my bathrobe, then went downstairs, where my 'puppy' had already seated himself in his chair, the one facing the sink and countertop. He liked watching me work while waiting for his meals. I reminded myself to check how much money we had set aside for Kaeden's 'puppy' needs. I went to the fridge to get out some milk, briefly imagining how thrilled he'd be to come home and find a new high chair waiting for him.
That was another thing I found cute about him. I mean, aside from the thought of him eating from a high chair at twenty-three years of age. He could still drink milk and digest it fine. Most grown dogs can't process lactose without taking a pill, but like a real puppy, Kaeden can down a glass with every meal. I poured him a glass before getting his oatmeal ready. Instant oatmeal, sure, but luckily Kaeden isn't a picky eater. After microwaving it for a short while, I took the bowl out, checking it with my paw to make sure I wouldn't burn his mouth.
When I turned around, I almost dropped the bowl in surprise. Kaeden's ears were back, and he was looking shamefully downward, twisting his paws in his lap. His tail was tucked underneath the chair, even.
"Kaeden, what's the matter?" I said, setting the bowl down at the table, and taking a seat next to him. I slid my arm around him, resting my paw on his far shoulder.
"Hadda accident..." he said quietly, looking up, but still away from me.
"Oh, Puppy, that's why you're in a diaper," I laughed. "It's okay."
"N-no, Lily" he stammered. "I mean, um...a r-real one..."
"Oh," I said, mollified that I'd mistaken his meaning.
Normally I was better at picking up his subtle nuances. Perhaps it was just the early hour. Still, I had to comfort him. Even if it wasn't a 'play' accident, he still felt bad, and I was still his caregiver.
"Well, that still happens from time to time, right? We talked about this yesterday, hon. Potty-training might never happen for you, but you're still improving. It's okay to have an accident. The important thing is, you're dry most of the time. It's okay. Why didn't you tell me upstairs?"
"I-I thought I could hold it, um, until, y'know..."
"Until just before I changed you for work?"
He nodded in response. "Then I drank the milk really fast, and, uh..."
"Shhh," I comforted him, pulling him into a hug.
"I know I shouldn't have been worried," he said glumly, "it's just that you were upset with me the last time I had an accident."
"Well..." I said, trying to formulate an answer.
That hadn't been one of my prouder moments. Yesterday, we'd lost a major bid for access time to several telescopes for a project I'd spent weeks putting together, and it would be at least another year before I'd have a chance to submit the proposal again. I hadn't come home in a very good mood, and I'd snapped at him when he'd confessed what had happened - which was rather unfair, given that I was the one making him use his diapers, and that I had also told him to let me know when he had a real accident.
"I know. And I said I was sorry for that. That was very unfair of me. Now, let's cheer up, and eat our breakfast," I said, getting a big spoon for him, "and I'll get you changed in a few minutes."
That got my puppy to cheer up immensely. After spoonfeeding him his meal, I wiped up his muzzle. We'd gotten pretty good at this, but still, some mess was inevitable.
"Clean up your dishes, and when you're done, come upstairs, mmkay?"
Kaeden nodded, then got to work. I almost wanted to stay and just watch him. He was so cute in this mindset. Despite the fact that doing dishes is not necessarily a very puppyish activity, he managed to fill the air with a childlike glee the entire time. Though, I suppose seeing a grown dog in a soggy diaper doing anything in a happy mood might make it seem a bit more 'puppyish'.
While he absorbed himself in his work, I got out my cell phone and took a quick video, just to have something to enjoy while he was away at work. Once I'd recorded enough, I grinned and snapped a few pictures for his 'baby book'. He didn't really like having videos or pictures of him taken while he was so obviously a puppy, nervous at the prospect of anyone else finding out, but I'd insisted on pictures here and there, just for a fun little album. I liked to tease him with the idea of pulling it out to share with his family during visits, but of course, I'd never _really_do that to him.
I went upstairs to his nursery, leaving the door open so he knew where to go. While we kept his diapers both in here, and in my room, I felt like getting some use out of all the money that went into renovating the spare bedroom into his nursery.
That had actually turned out to be a rather unfortunate spending decision. The only time he slept in his crib was when I put him down for a nap, or when I was away from home, and we could have simply used our bed to change him on, rather than a changing table. Though I didn't quite understand everything about how his regressive tendencies worked, I think simply the idea that there was a room in our home designated as his nursery made him feel little, even if it didn't see as much use as we thought it would.
I got out a diaper from underneath the changing table, though I had to go next door to get some work-appropriate attire. The nursery closet contained clothing, sure, but they were all infantile onesies, puppyish t-shirts, overalls, or other types of pants with snaps in them, which allowed me easier access to change his diaper when needed.
While I do check on him at work, and change his diaper if it needs it, he didn't need to be wearing clothing that called attention to that. Once I found him a pair of jeans, a white onesie, and a button-up work shirt, I returned to the nursery, where I found him sitting atop his changing table already. I was surprised my sensitive canine ears hadn't picked him up darting down the hallway.
"Heh, someone's eager to get out of that wet diaper, isn't he?" I said, walking over to him and setting his clothes aside on the rocking chair.
"Uh-huh," he said, as I helped him lay back.
Kaeden tended to get fussy if I left him in a wet diaper for very long. I found that odd, given how much he enjoyed being a puppy - wouldn't having a soggy bottom be pretty infantile? I mentally shrugged as I untaped his diaper, then lifted up his legs to pull the wet garment out from underneath him.
"So," I said, trying to make conversation. "Have any fun dreams last night?"
Kaeden nodded as I got out the baby wipes and began cleaning him up.
"Same one I had a couple nights ago, but a bit different. Me, Sonia, and Alex were all playing again, but Ashleigh was playing with us, too!"
He often dreamed of his year spent in a specialized rehabilitation. Ashleigh had been his caregiver, a role I filled in his life now, though certainly in a very different context.
"Well, she did play with you quite a bit when you were staying with her," I said, nodding along.
"N-no, I mean, like, playing like a puppy! Like me," he said, wrinkling his brow. "It was actually kinda weird. I can't really see her doing that."
"She does have a very motherly aura about her," I agreed, unfolding the diaper I'd set out, and slipping it underneath him.
It was entirely white, devoid of the puppyish designs that normally adorned his diapers. Another thing I'd insisted on, for his jobs. If he were ever seen at work, or was hurt and had to go to the hospital, he needed plausible deniability. It's easier to claim you have a medical condition when your diaper doesn't have pictures of fire hydrants and bones on the taping panel.
"Do you think you'd enjoy that?"
"Ashleigh being a puppy? No, that'd be way too weird!"
"No, I mean, having other puppies like you to play with," I said. "I'm sure there's other people out there who like to be 'little'."
While waiting for his answer, I rubbed some baby powder into his fur. He'd be spending his entire work day in this diaper, so it was imperative to keep moisture away from his skin to avoid rash.
"I'm not sure," he said, sounding introspective. "I mean, it might be fun, but...kinda embarrassing."
"You did it several times when under Ashleigh's care," I reminded him as I pulled the front of his diaper up between his legs.
"Yeah, but that was different. I didn't have a choice. I mean, it was fun, and I liked it, but...I _had_to do it. To get better. Doing it now, though...maybe?"
Kaeden fell silent a moment as I did up the tapes on his diaper, and rolled him over to get the tail-tape.
"You're not...I mean, this isn't, y'know, too much for you, is it?" he asked me, lowering his eyes.
I suddenly realized how my question must have sounded to him - as though I wanted someone else to spend his 'puppy time' with him.
"Oh, Kaeden, cheer up. I'll never get tired of taking care of you. But, I think it would be healthy for you to get out and meet some other puppies 'your age'."
He shrugged. "I guess I don't really hang out with anyone at work. But I'm not really about to go advertising... me... like this," he said, gesturing down at his diaper, the only thing he was currently wearing.
I laughed. "No, I suppose that wouldn't be a good idea. Let's get you dressed, then."
I helped him into his onesie. Discretion was a necessity. Kaeden may have grown to be reasonably comfortable with his puppy needs, but just because he was a lifestyle puppy didn't mean the world should know about it. I helped him into his pants next, then put on his belt, and buttoned up his work shirt.
"There we go. My big little man," I said, patting him on the head.
"Hey!" he said, in mock offense, sticking his tongue out at me.
While Kaeden was unusually short for a dog, especially a Shepherd, his school district had been populated by a wide variety of species. Most of his childhood friends has been shorter species, not other dogs like him, too. Regardless, large height differences among peers had been something he'd grown up with, so it wasn't something he'd really ever been teased about.
"Alright, alright," I said, hugging him and giving him a goodbye kiss - although I couldn't help but pat his diapered bottom through his jeans as I did so. "I'll be here when you get home."
"Okay. Bye Lily. I'll see you after work!"
After I saw him off, I went back upstairs, deciding that since I had to get dressed at some point today, it may as well be now. I set my robe up on the door hook, then opened my dresser, picking out a simple shirt and jean combination. No need to get fancy for a day in. I brushed a bit of my golden fur off the top of the dresser, dropping it in the trash.
Kaeden had already finished blowing his winter coat out, and I was nearly done with mine. The sooner the better - a month ago the house had been a fur-coated nightmare. That thought reminded me of my father, who was a long-coated Shepherd. However, I took after my mother - also a Shepherd, but with a normal coat, and mostly golden like mine. We both had black tailtips, muzzletips, and eartips, which was not a terribly common patterning for our breed.
The next two and a half hours were spent on the work I'd brought home with me. It took a bit longer since I had to call a colleague to get some extra data, but soon I was done. With nothing to do, I got on the computer and fired up the internet browser. If Kaeden wanted some friends to play with, maybe I could make that happen.
I did a few searches before finding a place that seemed fairly prolific, and didn't set off any creepy vibes. I checked it around, pleased that the user avatars weren't a bunch of diapered furry crotches. Gross. And, well, creepy. They must have some enforced community standards. That was a good sign, and I suspected I'd have a much better chance at meeting people Kaeden would enjoy sharing time with here than some of the other websites I'd found first.
A few moments later, I was registered to 'PuppyNet,' and making my first posting in the greetings section.
Hi everyone! My name is Lily (I hope you'll forgive me for not posting my last name), a Western Shepherd. I'm not actually into being a puppy myself, but my boyfriend (also a Shepherd) is. I've never really branched out like this before, but during our morning routine, he indicated that he's been thinking about having playmates. I think that might actually be good for him. Anybody else live in Evarónah?
Anyway, whether that happens or not, I'm glad to have found this place. It has a safe and professional feel, and I hope I can find some good advice. I don't really have too many people to talk to about taking care of a twenty-something year old puppy, after all!
I nodded to myself, feeling happy with the post. Not too many personally identifiable details, but I didn't hide so much as to make myself look standoffish. I smiled, and clicked 'post.' Forums were ideal for someone of our background. After all, if someone were to ask how we met, a forum gave me plenty of time to come up with a sufficiently appropriate version to share. Being put on the spot, even over something as impersonal as a chat program, would be much more difficult.
Deciding I could check for replies later, I decided to get some much-needed housework done in the meantime. I normally tasked Kaeden with doing most of the housework, but today was his last day at his temporary construction job, and he might appreciate having tonight and tomorrow to rest. Since I was bored, too, and needed something to keep me busy, I decided to tackle the job myself.
As I vacuumed, dusted, and de-furred the furniture, I couldn't stop my tail wagging when thinking about the new forum I'd found. I was really excited about the prospect of finding my puppy some playmates.