The Badger
Winter break is over, and it's the first day of the third semester. I was literally the only one who didn't go anywhere. It was boring, but productive, I guess. I wrote a few songs, learned how to play a few... I have a passion for the piano, and I often find solace in my keyboard. It might sound stupid, but I more than often find that my keyboard is my best friend.Anyway, like I said, winter break was boring but productive. I stress really easily, so any time I have to myself where I didn't have to constantly worry about studying or projects or homework, is really precious to me. Unfortunately, having a panic attack is a regular thing for me.Last night I could feel all the stress returning to my body. The only thing I looked forward to, was seeing my beloved badger. His name is Arno. He's brave, funny, handsome... I could just drown in his deep blue eyes; his beautiful smile... His touch - when his strong hands touch me, it's like I'm on standing on cloud nine. I couldn't wait until I see my crush again.There's a "slight" problem though: I'm gay - and I'll be very surprised if he's at least bisexual... Sometimes I wonder why I'm gay... I'm the first in so many generations of my family. I read a lot about psychologists and how they can "turn gay people straight", and all of their theories that having an "abnormal sexuality" is triggered by some traumatic event. I sometimes wonder if all those theories are true, I know they aren't though. Did I ask to be gay? No. Did I choose to be gay? No. In this horrible world where people are so ignorant and close minded, why on earth would I choose to be gay? After all, I'm gay, and I'm proud of my sexuality and who I am.Arno's best and closest friend, a cute panther named Ulrich, is bisexual. I find comfort in the fact that I know Arno doesn't necessarily have a problem with being gay or bisexual. He's really so sweet - I can't Imagine him being like the rest of the world...He makes me smile so much... He has this new thing he does. Whenever he'd walk past me, he'd say "Joshy, you cutie pie" and mess up my hair. I know it sounds stupid, but to me it's so cute. He's really playful and silly like that - which just makes me more attracted to him... Why'd he have to be so handsome? So sweet, friendly... I could literally go on forever talking about him.Arno's really open with me, in strange way. I remember I had to go fetch some documents from our school' s office for my old English teacher, when we found each other along the way and he decided to tag along. He also did his "Joshy, you cutie pie" thing that I love so much. I remember the conversation so crystal clearly... On our way to the office, he asked me: "Have you ever watched porn?" "Uh, no..." I've watched gay porn, but not the "normal" type of porn he was
obviously talking about. So I technically wasn't lying, right? "Really? Wow... I used to watch porn a lot, but I don't anymore." He continued. "Oh... Well, how come not anymore?" "Me and my brother used to watch it together all time, until my dad caught us one day. He gave us a big speech about how it's a sin to watch other people's private sex - so, I stopped watching it." "I think you did the right thing." "Yeah I know. When I'm horny, like, really, really, horny, I just jack off to some pictures." I just nodded. Oh, that sweet, strange badger...Arno's literally married to his bicycle. He competes in every single cycling contest, and spends most of his free time on his bike. This weekend he also took part in a race, and he got first place in his age group. I'm so proud of him - He works so hard... I would absolutely love to watch him race one day.For English class, last semester, we had to give an unprepared speech about our worst experiences. Arno's is the only one I actually remember. "There I was, at the end of the race. One more jump, one more turn, and first place would have been mine. I blazed up the hill - I landed on my front wheel. I fell off my bike and it's wheel was completely destroyed. R50 000 ($5000), down the drain. I was so close, I could taste first place. That was by far, my worst experience ever." I felt so bad for him... I asked him about the R50 000 afterwards, and he said it was the real entry fee. The poor, sweet badger...Sometimes, I dream about him - about his touch. I have the same dream (more or less) every time. We'd at school, outside our arts and cultures class. We'd be hugging, and then kissing - then he'd do his "cutie pie" thing and we walk into class together. He'd sit next to me. While we work, we'd chat and laugh... When I'd wake up, I'd long for it to be real so badly.This will either sound genius or extremely stupid, but when we'd move classes, I'd purposely act like my bag's zipper is stuck, so I could walk close to him. I'd just like to note that he has a really nice ass. I mean, a really nice one... Oh, my sweet Arno. If only you knew...Remember I earlier mentioned those songs I wrote? He's my biggest inspiration. Most of my songs are about him. He's just too awesome not to write a song about... "I've, spent, most my life, looking for something or someone... I didn't, know, where I should go, I felt so low but, then you came into my life and it was like a brand new door was finally starting to open..."Winter break is over, and it's the first day of the third semester. Maybe, it'll be the first day of a new relationship between a certain lion and cute badger...I slowly walk towards the class of my first period, social studies, with my head held heavy. I hear a familiar voice, and I
slowly turn around. "Joshy, you cutie pie!"Arno, I love you, and I want you to know, but I don't know how to tell you...