V. And once more we go
V. And once more we go
As told by Lily
I glanced over at Kaeden, who was currently fidgeting in the passenger seat. He'd been tense for the better part of the hour we'd been on the road so far, and I could tell he had a lot of conflicting emotions.
The way the tip of his tail twitched - he was excited to go, but trying hard not to show it. Playing with his paws - he was nervous, and there wasn't a thing he could do to avoid showing that. Dogs have a hard time hiding emotions, and Kaeden had a more difficult time than most.
"Kaeden, why don't you talk it out a bit? You've barely said a word this entire time. I know you're nervous."
He shifted in his seat, pulling the hem of his swimming trunks up over the waistband of his diaper.
"I-I'm just... I don't know how they'll... what they'll think of me," he managed.
"They seemed to like you well enough before, didn't they?"
"Yeah, but..."
"...no buts about it. Just relax. They already know about the puppy stuff, right? They aren't going to make fun of you for being dressed like one."
"I know. I just can't help but be a little nervous, though."
"Well, but you're going through with it, right? I mean, you haven't expressed any interest in turning around or canceling our play date."
Kaeden nodded, a small smile spreading across his muzzle. Part of his extensive rehabilitation had involved learning to trust others, and to follow through on his goals. It seldom took more than a gentle reminder from me about his continued improvement to cheer him up.
I passed him my phone, which had a music streaming service playing through the car's speakers.
"Why don't you pick the songs for the next half hour or so, hmm? Keep you occupied."
"Thanks, Lily," he said, rolling his eyes in mock sarcasm.
I grinned, knowing how indecisive he got when deciding what to listen to. At home it wasn't much of an issue, but I guess long car rides with me were a special enough occasion that he had to really pick the best of the best. To be honest, I didn't particularly care for my boyfriend's taste in music, although I didn't dislike it, either. I was just happy to have something to distract him with until we arrived at the beach.
Around thirty minutes later, Kaeden looked up as I pulled into the parking spot - he'd spent the past five minutes browsing through playlists and shuffling through songs. He had a bit of a surprised look on his face.
"Wake up, puppy, we're here," I said with a grin.
Kaeden glanced around, swallowing nervously as he saw throngs of other furs strolling back and forth.
"I-I thought you said it was a private beach?"
"It is. It connects to here though, and the best way is a short hike along the coastline. Milo and Nina said they'd meet us here."
Kaeden was chewing on his bottom lip, trying to keep from saying something, or asking me something. I was pretty sure I knew what.
"Nobody is going to see your diaper, Kaeden." I pointed over to a small rocky outcropping perhaps five hundred meters away from our current location. "I think that's the trail we're taking. We won't even go by most of the people here. And even if they do see, so what?"
"I know, I know," he said, sighing in frustration. "But I just can't help but worry about it. I'm glad I have you to push me along. I'm better than I was, but... I'm not sure if this is something I could do on my own."
"Aww, come'ere, pup," I said, leaning across the seat to give him a hug.
I could feel his tail thumping back and forth against the side of the seat - and even mine had a bit of a lazy sway to it. After a few seconds of the tight, reassuring hug, I let him go - but not before quickly tugging down the front of his shorts so I could check his diaper. I'd been doing this for so long now that it was practically automatic, rather than something I had simply thought to do.
He was soaked, as was to be expected after the long car ride. I didn't really want to change him in the back of the car - there was too much foot traffic in the parking lot. Other furs were arriving and leaving, or simply returning to their vehicles for clean towels or snacks and other beach accessories.
"S-sorry," he stammered in apology, his ears flushing red in embarrassment.
"For what?" I asked, genuinely clueless.
"I... have more problems, when I'm nervous."
"It's fine, Kaeden. You're wearing that for a reason," I said, giving him a wink as I pulled his swimming trunks back in place.
I understood his apology, then. We'd had a big argument - or rather, big for us, anyway - awhile ago about Kaeden needing diapers, versus him simply choosing to use them. I felt like it was something of a relapse after the intense program we'd both gone through. He'd almost been potty-trained for a short time after graduation, but had simply let the control... slip, over time.
I suppose if he was in diapers all the time anyway, the point was moot - but all the same, I'd been frustrated by it. We'd made up, of course, and had a nice talk afterwards. Although I still didn't really understand how Kaeden could be so nonchalant about losing such a basic skill, I accepted that it was probably something that I would have to get used to - and more importantly, that it was something that helped him with the whole puppy mindset that he enjoyed. Still, I could tell he did try, at times, despite how many times I'd told him since then it didn't bother me.
I reached into the back seat to grab his diaper bag - something I'd actually made for him, for his birthday. Dinosaur fabric, of course. We'd kept his 'supplies' in something that was, well - quite clearly a diaper bag before then, much to Kaeden's embarrassment. This was just a simple fabric bag that was carried over my shoulder, that could have been for anything, really - the pockets that held his diapers, powder, changing pad, wipes, an extra change of clothes, snacks, and all the other things my large-sized puppy needed were on the inside, where they couldn't be seen by prying eyes.
"Let's see if we can find Milo or Nina first, then we'll get you taken care of, okay?"
Kaeden nodded, while I got out of the car, going around to the other side to let him out. Child-proof locks were always on, in our car.
I opened the door and he got out, pulling his white t-shirt down self-consciously. I had to try hard to stifle my laughter at how useless the gesture was - I could see how badly his swollen diaper was drooping even through the outside of his swimming trunks.
"Gee, puppy, I guess I shouldn't have let you drink all that juice before we left," I finally said, unable to say nothing.
Kaeden whined, but I could see the small smile and wag of his tail that betrayed how he really felt about the gentle little reminder of his... well, the age I treated him as, anyway. Not wanting to humiliate my boyfriend, I pulled out one of his dinosaur-themed towels to wrap around his waist.
"Thank you," he said quietly, tail wagging contentedly behind him.
I looked back up, and began scanning over toward the rocky outcropping I'd seen earlier. It was the only path off the public area of the beach that I could see, so surely Milo and Nina would be waiting for us around there. Nina had assured us nobody else would be using the private beach - it was owned by one of her friend's family, and she'd already gotten permission to use it today. It was a fairly long and winding path, too, which discouraged public traffic.
Finally, I caught sight of them, waving back at us. We made our way over, although as we got closer, Kaeden's shyness started winning out - he was almost hiding behind me. Then again, I'm sure the state of his diaper wasn't helping his confidence any.
"Hey, great to see you guys again!" I said, as we got in conversational range. "Before we do too much, though, I, ah... need to change Kaeden. Is there somewhere private I could do that before we get down there?"
I felt Kaeden cringe, but at this point I figured it was better that he simply got used to the idea that it wasn't some big secret anymore - at least not between the four of us. And to a lesser extent, I wanted to normalize the idea for myself - even I found it a bit awkward talking about it with someone other than my boyfriend.
"Hiya! Nice to see you, too!" Nina said. "There's not much up this way, but don't worry, there's enough privacy once we get to the beach. Hardly anyone even knows how to get there, and I've never seen people I don't know."
"I think we can wait 'till then, don't you?" I said, looking down at Kaeden.
He nodded shyly in reply. I wasn't sure if he was actually agreeing with me, or he was too nervous to do anything go along with me. Either way, waiting was probably the best option. And on that note, I was still waiting for Kaeden to greet our new friends.
"Say hello, Kaeden, for heaven's sake," I chided him, pushing him out from behind me.
The surprise caused him to briefly drop his towel. He gave a surprised yelp, then quickly picked it back up and wrapped it around himself, blushing furiously.
"H-hi," he said, giving a small wave. "Sorry I'm a lil' nervous," the Shepherd added quietly. "I-I've never really done this before."
"Neither have we," Nina reassured, "and I'm sure you're not the only one that's nervous."
She glanced at her boyfriend, who nodded shyly. It was clear Milo tried to hide he was feeling uneasy, but he wasn't exactly doing well at it.
I took my boyfriend's paw and followed Milo and Nina. It was about a ten minute walk or so to our spot - and when we got there, I definitely knew it. No traces of paw traffic anywhere to be found. Pristine, beautiful, and clean. The open beachfront was a bit small between the large rocks at either end, but offered plenty of room for a small group like us.
"This is great, Nina. Tell your friend I said thanks. I owe her one."
"Actually, she owed me one, so I guess we're even," she smiled.
Something told me she was merely this talkative to hide her own nervousness - pretty much the same thing I was doing, if I had to be honest with myself.
"Let me take care of Kaeden, and we'll catch up."
I set my boyfriend's diaper bag down on the ground next to where we'd entered the clearing, and pulled out his changing pad. I even found myself blushing a bit, although I knew Milo and Nina were decent enough dogs to not be watching. I suppose this was going to be as much an experience for me as it was for Kaeden.
I laid Kaeden down on the changing pad, but when I tugged down his trunks, he whimpered and brought his paws up to his eyes, as though he would be able to hide.
"Oh, come now, Kaeden, it's not that bad. You're just fine. And besides, Ikici is here to keep you safe, isn't he?" I said, pulling out his treasured stuffed wolf from my bag. With a sheepish grin, he grabbed the toy from me and clutched it to his chest, allowing me to untape his diaper and pull it out from underneath him.
"You want to go swimming first?" I asked, to which he eagerly nodded.
"Alright," I smiled, cleaning him up with a few wipes before pulling his trunks back up. I hadn't thought in advance to buy Kaeden a swim diaper, so this would have to do for now. He started to get up, before I tapped him on the nose, sending him right back down on the towel.
"Ah, ah, puppy. Safety first," I said, pulling some sunscreen out of his diaper bag.
"Awww...."
"No fussing," I said, smearing a dab on his nose and the inside of his ears. "Hold out your paw-paws," I said cheerily, and he dutifully did so, palms upward.
I squirted a glob out on his paws, and told him to rub it in while I got his feet.
"Okay. Come back to me when you're done swimming," I said, helping him up.
He was a bit hesitant to go join Milo, who was already near the water's edge, until I gently pushed him from behind.
"Shoo, Kaeden," I chuckled. "Go have fun."
I smiled after him as he ran across the sand and toward the waves. Leaving my boyfriend to his own devices, I placed his soggy diaper in a plastic bag and set it to the side. I put his stuffed wolf back in the bag, and rummaged through it until I found my towel, then stripped down to my two-piece bikini. I picked out a nice piece of sun, and, pointing it out to Nina, we both walked over to it.
"Sorry about Kaeden," I laughed, laying down on my towel. "Just give him a bit of time, he's honestly not this shy once he knows you."
I started putting on my own sunscreen then, while I waited for Nina to join me.
She chuckled. "I guess the same can be said about Milo. When he's big, he's a real gentleman, and he's fairly sociable. When he's playing puppy, however... let's say he gets kinda shy kinda fast."
"I hope Kaeden warms up to him okay," I said, glancing out with my paw over my eyes, spotting the two enjoying the waves. "Probably best he starts out, well, y'know..." I said, involuntarily blushing as I glanced back to where I had changed Kaeden. "Not as much a reason to feel so shy and all," I said, avoiding use of the 'd-word'.
I soon found my worries to be entirely unfounded - a loud laugh roused me from my brooding worry, just in time to witness Kaeden splashing Milo with his paws, and darting away as quick as he could.
"Boys..." I grinned, playfully rolling my eyes.