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I remember the days where we had no worries, no burdens, nothing weighing us down, where we just could be together without worrying about anything or anyone at all like small and innocent children, and it felt not long time ago, as if it was just yesterday. Now, I am afraid and frightened.

I remember our first kiss, and it was somewhat silly but it still showed how much we cared for one another; after we confessed our love for each other in randomly awkward way we just kissed quickly and gently on the lips as a zeal for our bond, triggered us to be physical intimate instead. Heh, I guess we were still a bit afraid of rejections for stupid reasons but our first time together as a couple was at his parents' place in the springtime where we usually hold our anniversary, and if we would have spare time we would go out to other places but we mostly kept it simple.

I am sitting in my own apartment and reading the letter again, in grim mood, the letter I fear so much for its impact on our relationship since I know how sensitive he can be about such things. I cannot help but express a concern for what will come when it is time. I force a smile on my already burdened face and my fear sprouts slightly every second, as I imagine, a darkened rose of which is about to blossom its moody petals. I do not want it to end and I am so frightened for what will happen to our relationship that has been ongoing for several years now. I do not know how to pass this heavy information at this time around but it will be inevitable. I do not know why it is so frightening to think that I will be away from him for some time because we have been apart for few months from one another at our first summer vacation as a couple. However, this time it might become several years or forever depending on the outcome... I lay down the letter and rub my muzzle, guessing that it is not the time being apart that I fear so much but what will happen with us when I depart to my...

Deciding to not brood further on my fear I begin to eat my cereal, which has been waiting to be eaten since I have received the letter. The cereal is my better half's favourite, popped and crispy rice with cacao taste, which makes the milk into cacao milk while eating it, switching the milky milk into a tasty looking brown essence. I love the popping sound the rice makes when they meet the milk. I look out of the window beside me and see a weather that do not improve my mood to the better; it is foggy, foggy enough to block much of the rays of soothing sunlight that would have hit the little town, still, it is viewable to see that it is early in the morning. The town looks like it has a cloak made of thick cotton as cover against the long gone cold, a view of ghostly snow. I dislike to walk through foggy weather since it makes small water drops on the fur, making it nearly impossible to hold the edge of the clothes, even the jacket, from turning wet and irritably. On the bright side, it is midsummer, in other words, warm vacation.

After the breakfast, I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and try not to ponder too much about the letter even though it is a matter of great importance for both of us, not to mention for our remaining parents. I am quite proud of my teeth if I may say; they are not too big but still look sharp and malicious, as if a ferocious werewolf owned them. That is why I take so much care of them, since it was a part of my pride and authority in my relationship with Kenneth and in my indirect position of my profession. Therefore, the brushing time is longer than the average. I look into my mirror, while I use the toothbrush thoroughly and view my reflection:

I am a German shepherd with much more of the dark fur than the brown so overall I am the darker version of the common known German shepherd. I am still only wearing my red underpants since I haven't past my brushing time so I have a full view of my frontal body; the fur on the body is a bit messy but that's because I have only awoken from my shifting sleeping positions about 15 minutes ago. This also makes my hair look ridiculously idiotic; they are pointing nearly at any direction, much like the guinea pigs with uncontrollable fur, and I try to put it under control with my free paw while brushing. While doing this I am not able to avoid hitting my loosened left ear thus making my action look more funny than idiotic since the ear flapped up and down continuously. Furthermore, my body is slim with some muscle, beside the current facial appearance; it is a typical overall character for a fit amateur athlete.

By the way, my name is Jonathan and I am 22 years old.

It is a time that is rough for both my lover, Kenneth, and me since both our dads recently passed away after long time fighting the dreadful and much hated cancer. It was an emotional rollercoaster, mostly valleys, to watch both our dads to struggle with the disease while having some much needed time together with their respective families. Obviously, the cancer depletes the victims of energy over time but for the relatives, it is slightly different: To watch the dear family member slowly diminish in strength is the deal breaker. I loved my dad dearly; he could be a bit strict but his overall caring nature inspired me to how I treat my lover, exactly with rules but with warm intentions. I look into the mirror again and see my facial expression; it shows grief. It shake my head, hoping it will disappear, take my underpants off, and lay it on the pile of used clothes, readying myself to take the shower. It is not because that my hair is a mess, not to say laughable that I take a shower, but because I am going to my lover's dad's funeral before dinnertime today.

As I feel the refreshing, mildly cold and comfortable water pouring through my messy fur, I scrub with a cloth to straighten and clean the ridiculous image. I am wishing that the water would wash the burdens and worries away into the underground, away from my department and my life. Still, I have no idea how I shall pass this information on to my lover, our loved moms would understand but I do not know about Kenneth.

After I have finished my shower and have taken the appropriate funeral clothes on, of course in black, even the underpants, I enter the car and start driving through the little town, which is still in dizzy slumber because of the humming summer vacation. Kenneth resides at the other town nearby. We recently have talked about moving together by sharing an apartment, a wish that we both share with burning hearts and a will of fire to turn into a reality. In which town to move in to we have yet to discuss, but right now, it does not matter. While driving I muttered few words of wishing to move together at Kenneth's little town for myself which reminds me that I have to tell my mom about this at some point. Maybe we can get some financial support from our moms but clearly, right now it is not an optimal time to ask such things. I chew on how I will bring the grim news to Kenneth and the sore subject to my mom in a moment but quickly re-focuses on the today's heart-aching event, ultimately bringing me back to my half grim mood.

The foggy weather seems to clear off at Kenneth's little town and unlike my own, it is about to wake up from its sleep with the crowing cockerel singing its waking tune in the county background, as if a baby just awoke to the somewhat laughing alarming clock. What I can see from my car several houses lit in the living rooms. I vaguely remember my young ages, the ages where I would wake up early in the morning in the summer vacation for the sole reason to watch the morning cartoons before the day starts with the late but delicious breakfast.

"Focus now, Jonathan" I think for myself and take some few deep breaths when I can see the apartment Kenneth lives in from a distance. Honestly, I do not know how he will react to this nor do I know how I will say it, I do not even know when to say such heavy stuff.

For reasons unknown I am slowly losing my apprehension of the situation thus making it more unmanageable and confusing than before, resulting into my rashly action to take the sudden turn to the left where the small but centred shop is located, not so far from Kenneth's apartment. Several locals have already turned out and are purchasing whatever they needed or desired. I am not that well acquainted with this town yet, despite my relationship with Kenneth has reached several years. Still, I am able see who few of them are since I now and then shopped here for some tit and tat, a distinguish fox with completely black attire is one of Kenneth's dad's friends. After a short chitchat and a condolence, I enter the shop to only view the cashier I am far more familiar with, easing my overwhelmed heart slightly.

A friendly and formal speaking bulldog by the name of Ken whom I have a closer bond with, one of the few I call as friend in Kenneth's town beside Kenneth and his now diseased dad and widow plus few others. I give a forced smile and a wave when we meet in sight and he responds whole-heartedly with an honest smile while he finishes serving a customer, brightening my mood even more, and says:

"Hello, Jonathan, my dear gentleman!"

"Hey, Ken," I reply, trying to find fitting words for this tinder circumstance while he takes the initiative by pressing the assistance button to summon the unexperienced substitute whom looks slightly confused by the sudden approach "How does it stand?" I ask finally.

After the seemingly young badger replaces fumblingly his superior, Ken stomped through the checkouts with his strongly built body, not to mention his roundly but cheery stomach, while saying, "It stands well, friend, our situation in business is still unchanged". We greet each other and walk past the 'Staff-members only' door at the corner of the shop.

"Please, have a seat, Jonathan" he gestures me to sit in front of a rectangular table placed at one of the sites in the staff room where I can see some equipment laying around, something in black and some scattered papers.

"Thank you, Ken"

"Jonathan, you have my deepest condolence, I cannot express my grief enough. You and your dear Kenneth's fathers were both great and benevolent friends, not to forget, more than sufficient customers and consumers" whilst saying that he gives out a heart-warming smile but kept his eyes sensitively comforting and lays both of his bald looking paws on his knees, giving the vision of an all hard working fur.

I nod and respond with a more honest smile but my fear will not let me be as a persistent and irritating fly, knowing when to strike right on point. I have nearly forgotten how much good friends they were and how much they used to hang out together at the bar nearby as drinking friends, while still had professional boundaries. Both our dads were successful executives and supporters of Ken by buying his local supplies to their respective restaurants. I wonder what will happen to his shop now.

It is followed by a short silence which give me enough time to look more closely at the wall beside us and see two hanging pictures of Kenneth's and my dad both covered in see-through black cloth and as I see behind Ken I notice a bucket of flowers.

"Attending to the funeral, huh?" I say empty for subjects.

"How can I not? Their importance to each of us is a matter that cannot be measured, Jonathan"

I hit a sore point and cover that with quick nods with a "Rough time", looking away in slight guilt. Of course, he will go to the funeral, dimwit!

"No need to fret, gentleman. However, if I may say, Jonathan, I might encounter a situation in the future that can influence my business in unfavourable way" his ears are sitting in a way that makes it hard for me to tell if he is affected in a sad or worried way, maybe even both.

"I see" I look down on the table and notice that my arms have find their way on the table, meeting in the middle where I can see that my thumbs are fiddling with each other. This situation is clear for both of us; our dads were the main financial supporters and we both have declined to have anything to do with what they did for living to pursue our own goals, mine in the army as the lieutenant and Kenneth is in the judicial course as advocate. I rashly say, "We are sorry, Ken" and he nearly instantly casts a quick "Do not think about it" where I continue with "How do you intend to deal with it, Ken?" without thinking if it is too soon, thus feeling more guilty and moody than before.

"Oh, Jonathan. I truly do not know. I am aware that both you and your dear Kenneth have no intentions to continue your fathers' businesses and I completely support your choices. Say, if it happens that I stand with a situation where there are no other choices but to close my shop then I will accept it and have an another attempt in another business but we both know that it will certainly not occur without my will to try avoiding such incidence"

He tabs the table with his paw, crosses his arms afterward, lays back on his chair and nods to emphasize his strong and positive will while still smiling honestly.

"That's for certain" my mood is changing more positively, "You're such a strong-willed fur. May I ask you something, Ken?"

"You have my undivided attention, Jonathan"

He sits more forward and places his arms as I do since we know that I rarely ask Ken for some advice, and if I do, it is usually pieces of life advice. The fly tries to poke me with fervour attempts but my mind is focusing to form a question that will cover the content I want to have answer for:

"I have just received a letter from the army," Ken lifted his invisible eyebrows; "they have ordered me to go to the civil war at the other site of the continent. I have to depart soon" he now looks worried, replying with an "Oh dear".

"Yes. It is a big deal and I don't know if it is the right time to say this to my Kenneth" I gesticulate with my paws and then go on tabbing the table as a sign of slight distress.

"Listen to old man, Jonathan; our given time here on this wondrous Earth is limited. I am aware of this since I am in my later years and I already departed with my beloved wife several years ago. I have yet to be dishearten by this and the fact that I am currently alone at my residence. The living do not exist to only view a plain sight, you understand?"

I immediately nod and feel more comfortable than before but the fly has yet to dispatch, which seems to do all-in assault now. My ears respond by lowering a bit because of it, making me seem being disheartened, and maybe I am. I rub my paw and think how he still can be so positive about life under these circumstances, how I am going to deliver this to Kenneth?

"You must not let it affect you negatively"

"But how, Ken?"

"That is you to uncover, gentleman" his right paw gesticulates towards me to emphasize his claim.

"That is me to uncover? How am I supposed to uncover such thing in such short notice? Can he not just be straight about it?" I think somewhat juvenile and it is as if he read my mind and repositions himself to look wise and says:

"Each of us have a different path thus different ways to discover our methods and ways to handle our lives, giving each one of us a simply unique and perfect route to form, even with its imperfection. The exact advice of mine to this particular situation might not be favourable for you as it was to me"

"If you were to say the advice, what would you say?" the fly and this get me kind of aggravated but my ears are sharpen to receive every word this bulldog might say since it will not be long before I give Kenneth a visit before the funeral.

He looks firmly at me, can probably see that I am burdened and worried and therefore sighs and says:

"It is undeniable that your current circumstance is affecting you in aggravating measures, so what I have to impart to you is the following but keep the mind open in case for ineffective impact. My life has been eventful and my conscious expresses that I have not long before the Death comes forth and harvest me; yet, I have savoured and enjoyed my whole life. The times where the valleys have occurred I have cherished and acknowledged them in order to extract the missing essence to appreciate fully the ever-ongoing present. That is my advice, dear Jonathan"

I look at him with confusion and want to ask him further about the advice but then I can hear a vague alarm clock ringing, resulting in Ken to burst out with the following:

"My apologies, Jonathan, that is the time I presently can give you but now I must attend to an important meeting regarding the future of my shop" he stands up and begins to walk towards the exit, with me following, but as we are about to leave the room he adds:

"I will attend to the funeral, and I know for certain that you will attend to it as well. Meet you there, gentleman, and if you will excuse me"

He leaves with a handshake and a confusion fiddling inside my mind. I blink few times while chewing what I got from Ken, considering yet again if it is the time to say this to Kenneth. I decide finally to buy the cigarettes I originally intended to buy which is the reason why I entered the shop. Still, it is nice to chat with the old pal. I go outside, lit one of them, and enjoy for first time in long time the nicotine the cigarettes provides. The smoke I exhale seems to impress some of the bypassing children and appears to whisper about it. To lighten the mood for myself I exhale rings into the expanding rings, impressing the children even more. I smile. I guess life is not that bad even with its downs.

I am now at the front door of Kenneth's apartment, rather nervous yet looking forward to comfort and be with him. I knock on the door and feel an odd sensation of slow relief on my chest, as if several weighs has lifted from my body. I hear a recognizable "Coming!" and some seconds after I stand before my lover Kenneth:

He is a bright golden retriever with the classical but lovely and sweet-looking floppy ears. His fur is also one of his traits I love since it is so soft and long enough to fiddle with. His eyes are the physical parts I love the most because of their beautiful, nearly shiny green colour. To my relief he has not changed to the black attire yet so he wears a blue underwear and a band t-shirt saying, "The Sleepers: Roll Forth!"

"Jonathan! You came!" he says in glad and relieved voice, opens his arms to let me in into a much-needed embrace, while I accidentally say the revealing "Oh, Kenneth"

"Are you okay, Jonathan, something's up? I know it has been, and still is, a hard time for both of us. We've talked about it" in my silence he adds "But we can do it again if you want" and distance his upper body to view me while we still hold each other at the waists, trying to enter my eyes with his own. In fear of him reading my mind, I deny him but reply:

"It's not that, Kenneth; it's something else but... I don't know if it is the right time to talk about it, you know, when we are going to attend to your dad's funeral today. It is some heavy stuff as well" I rub my neck, hesitating if I say the right words, while the damn fly know it is the perfect opportunity to come in a straight line to hit right into my heart, resulting me to turn moody. Since he knows me in and out, he immediately feels it, says, "Come inside" and goes out into the kitchen to do the usual thing he does when I feel distressed, fetching a comforting beverage. As I am removing the jacket, he adds, "I felt that the clothes are a little humid, Jonny. I could see from up here that there is fog at your place. Is that bad?"

"It is thick, yes, but my clothes will dry out before we go to the funeral" I go on to the living room, turn on the radiator to full heat and place the edges of my sleeves just right above it, waiting to do its purpose. The window is just in front of me so the view I see is the most of the town, the plain behind it and the distanced fog and some rooftops of some of the house of my hometown. As far as I can tell, the thick cotton is slowly fading away; giving the creepier look of a bit by bit awakening, haunted countryside.

"I have your favourite, Jonny" he hugs me from behind, shows the glass with the multi-fruit juice in front of me, waiting for me to take the glass.

"You cheeky, little devil, you know I need to limit my drinking of juices" I smiled and take the glass and feel his head lying on my shoulders, hear him saying, "I know, that's why I did it" I add, "It's filled with sugar" and take a sip of it. This is too easy for him, "Then don't drink it, silly"

"Do you want anything to eat?" he releases his hug and go over to sit by the dining table that is still covered by his breakfast; some cut bread in a basket, a bowl of finished cereal with remnants of his favourite cereal, a half-full glass of water and a carton of milk.

"No need, already have, Kenny"

"Sit down" he says and pats the chair right beside him. I drink rest of the juice and enjoy every sip of it just to go over and place my butt right beside his. For the first time of the day, I see more thoroughly at his smashing, green eyes and nearly begin to forget why it is a moody day for both of us.

"So, what's on your mind, Jonny" he sits so his all his body angles towards me, with a slight worry painted on his mild face "Is it about our dads?"

I place the glass beside the milk glass and respond with "No, it has nothing to do with it. I wished it had because we had a serious talk through about it and... it was very relieving"

He gives the smile I cannot resist to smile back to but still remember how impactful this information can have on our relationship, wondering how destructive it can turn out to be and trying to remember what the old pal said about life.

"Can I convince you to say it or perhaps even persuade it out of you" he teasingly says and suddenly looks all innocent and childish.

"I don't know" I heavily reluctantly exclaim and look away for a moment to examine his living room, even though I know it very well: It is nothing much, a sofa, sofa table, old television on a small and long tree furniture, a comforting chair and some pictures consisting of him and me, together and separately, and his family. It is simple, just like my own home.

Out of nowhere, I feel a poke at my ribs and I twitch my body in respond with a smile, saying, "Please, no, Kenny"

"But it seems my Jonny needs some persuasive methods to make that mouth going" he pokes me again but keeps the paw on my ribs. I cannot stop myself from giggling. "How about it? Shall I proceed?"

I suddenly feel two paws tickling my ribs and I start laughing somewhat controllably but still fall over with Kenneth. There is a moment of pause.

"Damn it, Kenny" I mumbled.

Without warning he starts again and I burst into laughter, this time Kenneth do not save any mercy, which can be seen since my left leg go out of control like the dog I am. As I am about to feel the tears in my eyes and the physical exhaustion I begin to beg him to stop.

"Is it enough persuasion?"

I nod quickly. Sometimes, I regret that he found out my only physical weakness back at our first sleepover at his parents' place several years but at the same time, I don't regret it because I do at times want to be the permissive and submissive one in our relationship. At the end, I still love when he tickles me subtly that have many times make me do what he wants me to do. As I am gathering my cool, he sits beside me and wait for me to be ready. The irritating fly is not that aggravating anymore so I sit up and finally say:

"Kenny, it is some heavy stuff"

"Do I need to persuade you more, hon?" he readies his paws and is about to redo the whole process when I just put my paws between us as the sign of surrender.

"I received a letter this morning saying that... I have to go to the war..." it is easier than I thought it would be but it is still not easy to say such things to your dear lover, no matter how lightly heavy it might be. It is harder to see his smile fade slightly and open slowly, and even though I know that he knows he still says, "By who?"

"The army... they have ordered me to go but..." I hastily sit up and try to comfort him by rubbing his arm and continue, "It is not this news that bugs me. It is that we are going to be apart from one another and... that I might... I know it is in an inappropriate time but... I guess that know it would have been inevitable if the war went on"

Now, I anxiously wait for the respond for this information that I unwanted and wanted to share with Kenneth and it seems likely that the fly gets the better of me...

At the funeral

I am sad... It is hard to attend to Brian's funeral, my Kenneth's dad. I knew him very well. Along with his wife and my parents, they support our relationship amongst many others we know in our hometowns. It was by chance that Kenneth and I met. Back in the days where it was the primetime for our dads' businesses, they met each other out of coincidence and started to talk about the complexity of driving a restaurant. It escalated from there and before I knew it, I fell in love with Kenneth and him me. I guess our dads were responsible for our fortune and happiness but also our sadness and sorrow. I am standing beside my mom who seemingly wants to cry but hold it back like many of the attendants to the funeral in order to keep some sort of noisy order. There are few who cry out and let the emotions flow through but in the end, I cannot avoid from shedding a tear or two and a sniffle as the soft and sensitive lieutenant I am. As the priest starts to put the first dirt on the coffin under the beautiful and dazzling sunlight, I begin to think about many things that reminds me to talk about a subject to my mom.

After we depart from the ceremonial burial, my mom and I go to the after event where I blatantly initiate the conversation with a consoling hug. She responds with, "Are you okay, my son?" we go over to fetch some of the after event coffee which unsurprisingly many are currently doing.

"Yes, I'm holding up, mom" I take a sip of the surprisingly hot coffee that burns my tip of my tongue and my throat while I am about to shed a tear that has nothing to do with heart-aching event.

"Are you sure? It seemed that dear Kenneth was touched deeply by it" she looks at me with her all-seeing eyes like a drill through soft honey.

She's right. As I view upon the after event in the little hall beside the church, I cannot see neither Kenneth nor Kenneth's mom and for a fair reason: Because of her age and the deal-breaking situation, she had a minor panic attack, ultimately resulting her inability to attend to her dear husband's burial. Kenneth stayed behind at her home. What I know of, he is still at her place and taking care of her.

"I know it has been a rough day for all of us but I'm sure it'll be alright in the end"

"If you say so, my dear son" she ends and gives me a soft kiss on my cheek and starts walking over to the other women, probably to gossip about the main event amongst other things.

"It could have been different outcome if it happened differently at Kenneth's apartment," I think and start to wander outside to fresh out. It was cosily warm under the midday sun even though it is supposed to be warmer than this since it is midsummer, giving the perfect weather to buzz about things. I reimagine the whole sequence inside my head:

_ Pre-funeral event_

_ I look at him with my heart pounding hard as if a giant is walking on the ground, waiting anxiously for his response. How it will turn out, I truly do not know, and even though we support each other more or less in anything, this is a real deal-breaker since many of attendants to the war are at high risk of getting either heavily injured or even meet Death. I fear so much that he will distance himself from me and I will not forgive myself if he is to be heartbroken because of this. Some seconds goes on without either of us saying anything and I can barely hold a somewhat straight face whereas his expression begins to look more and more burdened. Oh, my dearly beloved Kenny!_

_ "Are... you okay, hon? Kenny?" I whisper and squeeze his soft arm to rub it afterwards, hoping it will help._

_ "Jo-Jonathan, this..." his face now truly expresses worry and gives a mutter, probably of dissatisfaction, which spikes my heart._

_ "Kenneth, I know that this is some heavy stuff and I'm sorry if I hurt you..."_

_ "No, it's fine... I asked you and you answered..." he messes with his hair with his paw, clearly out of distress._

_ I burn to say that I have feared this would happen but something keeps me from saying it. Instead, I choose to go over to his side and rub his arms, a comfort that is truly needed right now, whilst I say, "Oh, Kenneth..."_

_ "Jonathan, you know that... you're so important to me... what if you die?" he looks straight into my soul, making me feel guilt for unclear reasons and I truly see now how unpleasant this is for both of us, making it look very grim for us. He continues with, "I don't want to lose you... I... I don't want you to die!" he releases himself from my embrace and stands up to walk over to the window we just stood some minutes ago, looking out of it. I always knew that he is so sensitive about matters that relate to me. Funny isn't it? We both share professional fields that require emotional control, as an advocate and as a soldier, and yet here we are in an occurrence where our negative emotions get the better of us._

_ I begin to feel helpless and powerless for not being currently able to hearten and comfort my beloved Kenneth in this tender situation. As I sit there, watching my world slowly falling apart and try to remember what the old Ken said to me. What did he say?_

_ "_The times where the valleys have occurred I have cherished and acknowledged them in order to extract the missing essence to appreciate fully the ever-ongoing present..."

_ I think I get the hand of it... perhaps. At least, it is worth trying. Therefore, I stand up and make up with my mind to embrace this, even though it sounds weird. I walk over and now our positions reverses; I hug him from behind and lay my head upon his shoulder. The view we both share is not so much different from before except the fog at my hometown have nearly completely lifted, giving the town the dazzling rays of the warming sun, slowly changing it from the haunted countryside to an awakening, small, worker town._

_ "Hon, maybe we should take this as a sign to truly enjoy our time together while we're still at it, before I take off to war," I softly whisper into his floppy ears and give a little blow to make the ear reflex go into action._

_ "Stop it..." he bows his head forward and continues "You know very well that I have wished with all my heart for you not be sent to war. You know that I love you so much, I don't want to lose you..."_

_ "What if I return alive?"_

_ "Even if you were to return home alive there's still a risk that you would return worsened and I don't know if I'm able to handle that. I love the one who you are right now..."_

_ "But, Kenneth, you don't know if your feelings will still be the same for me... I know whatever happens to me out in the battlefield I will always love you. If it were to happen than you get worsened in the future I will still love you with all my soul and heart" I nuzzle him on his softy back of the head._

_ "What if you return with no legs or arms or both...?"_

_ "Then we'll work around it if it comes to that. Our feelings for one another will always be true even if our minds or bodies would change in state and or appearance" I hug his waist and try to unite our bodies, becoming one._

_ "I guess there's no other way around it" he finally permits and indulges into my nuzzling by turning around, facing me directly, "Have you smoked?" he ends._

_ "Yes... I have. Sorry for that..." I know that he just barely accepts my need for smoking when I get burdened or troubled and have told me to keep my distance to avoid the smell of it._

_ "It's okay. I know we're both in a rough situation but I wouldn't resist your snuggling..." As I am about to kiss him he just barely sneaks in his paw on my muzzle, with a slight push and goes on with, "...as soon as you've brushed your teeth or at least chewed on a mint gum"_

_ "How can I brush my teeth when I'm at your home?" I teasingly asks and tightens my embrace._

_ "If you release me I might be able to find some strawberry-mint gum and get rid of that awful smell" he lays his paws upon my black attire up front and strokes, smiling._

_ "Whatever you say, sweetheart" I release him and he goes into the kitchen._

_ Oh, Kenneth. He seems to be more at ease about this but I still feel that he is reluctant about our situation. I must keep that promise!_

_ "Here you go, Jonny" he gives me two packs of gum with a strawberry and mint sign on it._

_ "You know that we, canines, have trouble with chew gums..." I hesitantly say in defence._

_ "No, YOU have trouble with it because you have huge teeth... of which you're proud of" he pats me on my side muzzle and I smirk of his correct claim, "Now, if you want to kiss me or snuggle with me you better do what I say, Jonny-boy. In the meantime, I clean-up the dining table" he adds and starts to take the deep plate and the other things into the kitchen._

_ "Okay, sigh" I permit. As I chew on the gum, I watch Kenneth do the dishes, resting at the doorframe, and I smile because every time I see his fur on his arms hang after they get wet, making it look like old, golden grass on a tree branch in a jungle, I find it silly but cute. Yet, I am still anxious about this... this... I don't know what it is anymore but it is still about the order from the army. For reasons unknown, I do not know what this fuzz is about any longer, but hey, we are nevertheless in a tight spot emotionally. I want to get this over with, both this slightly awkward situation and the unknown length time I am going to spent in the civil war so I can be with Kenneth fast as possible. He is about to finish the dishes when I decide to throw the gum beside him in the trash can and grab on his wrist and try to pull him softly towards his bedroom. He reluctantly replies with "I'm not finished with the dishes, Kenneth" and I with, "We've so little time together, Jonathan... and... it is not long before the funeral sets off" and with that comment he permits and indulges my act and let him be pulled into his cosily warm bedroom which looks a lot like my own._

_ I sit down at his bed in front of him with the one leg on the floor and the other on bed, have let go of his paw, and give an honest look at him, into his marvellous green eyes, while my arms holds me up. I can never be tired of looking at him... He picks on my hair and, to my surprise, sits on the floor in front of me and places himself between my legs with his back towards me. He tilts his head towards my heart as I bend towards him and says, "Your heartbeat has never lied about your feelings for me, Jonathan" In response, I begin to kiss him while we hold our paws._

_ "You know, we can make each other whatever we want" I say and break the kiss but nuzzles his hair._

_ "Mmm-hm" he moves his head to navigate my nuzzling and responds with "Do you remember your promise?"_

_ "The promise I gave you... to not die at war?" I say even though I know what he means._

_ "Yes... can you-"_

_ "Keep it?" I interrupt and continue at the same time, "I will, with all my heart, keep that promise. Even if I die physically..." he blinks confusingly "I am sure that I will guide you to find your path, no matter the pain I might cause you"_

_ "But..."_

_ "I know it's difficult, Kenneth. I want you to trust me, even if I'm going away for some time, perhaps forever. I want to be the reason for your happiness with or without me"_

_ "..."_

_ "Just remember this; I will always love you no matter what"_

_ "But Jonathan..."_

_ "Dead or alive" I passionately add. He looks into my eyes and blinks few times, finally saying:_

_ "I love you too" We slowly re-enact our kiss._

_ As the finale, I act in a way so it is clear that I want to make love in bed where he tries to rationalize with "But we're soon going to the funeral, silly" yet, still gives in._

_ After our love, we spoon and talks about many things like our first kiss, our first sleepover, our first love, our first fight and so on._

_ I am about to dress myself in the black attire when I come to think of one important thing:_

_ "Kenny?"_

_ "Hmm?" he replies while still in bed._

_ "Remember when we talked about moving together?" I give him a hopeful look._

_ "Yes? You want to do it?" and as if he read my mind, adding, "Now?"_

_ "Yes. I think we can talk our moms into giving us a little financial support" I give a little pause so he can process it "I want us to live in your hometown, Kenny"_

_ "You do?" he asks and as he looks at me half-naked, I nod conformingly, "If that's what you want then we'll do it" he claims affirmatively._

_ _ "We've found our road, old pal"I think and ready myself to the funeral where I can discuss the matter with my mom.

_ Just as we are about to exit Kenneth's apartment the telephone rings, halting us. Some minutes go by and when Kenneth finally reunites with me, he has a look that makes me nervous so I carefully asks what it is._

_ "It was my mom's caretaker. She says my mom just collapsed..."_

_ I am not sure what to say to this but I am sure that shock is painted on my face. If Kenneth's mom just have passed away, it will mean a greater deal of pain for both of us, especially Kenneth because of our current situation._

_ "How? Is it fatal?"_

_ "No, she just fell when she had a panic attack. The caretaker says she'll be okay"_

_ Oh, what a relief!_

_ "So, is she still home?" I ask, still slightly moved._

_ "Yeah" after a brief moment of silence he says, "Can you go to my dad's funeral without me? I want to make sure that mom is okay"_

_ "Uhm... sure" I manage to say, a bit off balance._

_ "Thank you. We'll see each other after I've paid my mom a visit. Say it to my relatives when they ask" he quickly gives me a soft kiss on my cheek and nearly run down the stairs and starts the car to drive to his mom's place._

After event of the funeral

As I stand beside my mom while we talk in our own conversations about the incident of Kenneth's mom, the absence of Kenneth and the funeral in general, I feel the urge to end it and finally talk to my mom about Kenneth and I moving together since, earlier, I did not had the chance because of all the happening. I patiently end my currently conversation and turn to my mom who seemingly have to been touched about my, Kenneth's and her own current situation after I have informed her about my situation with the army. I carefully lay my paw on her shoulder and say:

"Mom, can I talk to you about something?"

"Indeed, indeed" she mumbles and faces me.

"I wanted to talk to you about it before I go to war..." I softly start.

"Yes?" Her look looks to have more question than I have.

"Kenneth and I have talked about moving together, here, in his hometown and we agreed to ask you and Kenneth's mom if it is okay?"

"Oh" She turns her head slightly and seems to try to process this information.

I quickly say, "I know it's not the appropriate time to talk about it but... we've so little time together before I go off to the civil war and... I just want to give the best quality time I can give to him" to emphasize I place my paws on my chest.

"Love is a fuzzy thing, my son" she smiles but still looks a bit sorrowful but as she says, "If it'll make my best couple happy I'll even give little economic support" her expression shows a love I have known all my life.

"Mom! You mean it?!" As I show my happy surprised face she looks even happier, "I thank you very, very much!" I burst out. She know what I am about to do and opens her arm to welcome me into her caring nature. Under the hug, I really wanted to cry of happiness even though the circumstances are not suited for it. Before I let go of my mom I feel a paw on my shoulder, and my mom adds, "Someone wants to speak to you"

I turn around and see Kenneth smiling while holding his own mom in her paw who seemingly have overcome her panic attack. I was not expecting this and I am sure that I show more delightfulness than I wanted, resulting me in spontaneously hugging my lover and his mom. After a short conversation about Kenneth's mom well-being and a condolence sentence, I say:

"Have you talked about it to your mom?"

He nods with a smile and says, "Yes, but she is in a situation where the economy has to be used on psychiatric purposes. She will still support our choices of moving together, right mom?" he looks at her shortly and she gives some heart-warming chuckles and says, "Yes, dear Kenneth"

"That's wonderful! Our standpoint currently is more than good enough to establish the upcoming situation where we can move in together"

We hug each other tightly, resting our heads on each other's neck; I rubbing his back of his head and he rubs my back. Even though, it is an after even of a funeral it seems it cannot be more of a happy afternoon for Kenneth and me.

The road for Kenneth and I seems to be positive now but who knows what might happen after the road turns. What matters is to appreciate the both past and present to face the future in its full glory.