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Kazu was not a hipster.

He sure as hell tried to convince onlookers otherwise though. Sitting in a coffee shop on a Macbook typing away on... I dunno, probably not a screenplay, but something pretentious. And not a Starbucks like a good red-blooded American, but one of those coffee shops you see in the midtown area, nestled between a used book store and a chiropractor's office, where people walking by utter words like "gentrification" and "mustache wax" and "bro, did you hear that report on Uganda on NPR last night?". Yeah, that kind.

Kazu got cozy in one of those comfortable leather chairs that had seen far more years and far more asses than anyone would care to admit, idly swirling his latte around to help it cool off, much to the annoyance of the barista who had so painstakingly drawn out a flower in the foam. The red panda adjusted his glasses as he checked for new messages on Skype... then checked again to see if he'd missed anything... then again just to make sure. These were his afternoons now, as he tried to settle back into some routine that did not involve his ex.

The red panda gave a languished sigh and slouched a bit, checking his Twitter feed yet again. It seemed like half of his feed consisted of his heterosexual friends complaining about whatever relationship trouble they were having this week, while the other half was his gay friends bragging about how free and happy they were. Of course, it was all the confirmation bias of a freshly embittered Kazu trying to justify his considering to switch teams for a bit. Of course, he'd always considered himself to be at least bisexual in theory, but a string of one relationship after the next being a visit to the taco stand, nobody would ever guess he wanted anything else. Well, except for the barista that stared out at him from behind the counter. The barista always knows.

Lance busied himself by wiping down a spent glass. It was purely an act - he kept the same couple of glasses behind the counter to wipe down for show when things were slow, while a proper dishwashing station in the back did the actual work. Of course, when you run the most expensive coffee shop in town, your clientele typically expects you to look the part of old-timey shoppe owner who hand-does everything. At one point he thought that he was the hippest of hipsters, who could look upon anyone's musical taste with scorn and point out what was wrong, but he was only on the tail-end of a whole new wave. Now instead of abstruse art, a vinyl turntable, and customers that were comfortable to sit and silently judge others, his shop was filled with photos of garbage that people considered "art", a cassette player ("I guess it's not for everyone," the bearded douche scoffed, "Most people can't appreciate the subtle nuances of its sound"), and customers that he had to endure endless lectures from about his "striped privilege". It was an escalating arms-race of esoteric pretentiousness, and Lance was starting to tire of it.

As Lance considered implementing a one-drink-per-hour minimum, his phone buzzed. He swiped it open to see a text message from a number he thought he'd blocked - damn software upgrade probably undid it.

[556-1155]: Hey there, Stripes. Any new meat come by recently?

Lance's face fell as his eyes darted up to the other red panda for just a moment, before he hurriedly returned the message.

[Me]: I thought I told you to delete my number. And you know what kind of business I run - nobody you'd want anyways.

Lance immediately deleted the entire message thread, considering wiping his phone down with bleach as so many unpleasant memories flooded back into his head. When his phone buzzed again, he gave a desperate look to his drapes, the look of a man who felt as though he was looking at a close friend for the last time.

[556-1155]: C'mon, you know I wouldn't risk setting foot within 5 blocks of that hellhole of bad taste if I didn't need to.

[556-1155]: Got a lot of pressure coming down, and if I don't find someone new for our games it's gonna get ugly.

Lance swallowed hard. The last thing he wanted to do was get involved with THOSE scumbags again, but they wouldn't just text him out of the blue unless there had been a week of conniving beforehand, or if it really WAS out of desperation. Nevertheless, he composed

[Me]: Fuck the fuck off. You very nearly ruined my life the last time. If it weren't for those two, I'd be calling the cops right now. Go fuck yourself with a cheese grater and shower it off with gasoline.

Lance blocked the phone number again, deleted the message thread again, and turned off his phone just for good measure. He took a moment to catch his breath, then looked up. Kazu was standing at the counter with a $5 bill in paw, his head cocked to his side. Kazu... Lance could tell that he had recently suffered some sort of breakup, and was now questioning everything about himself, glossing over the obvious question of "where can I just find a cute guy who won't mind me touching his penis".

"Umm... I'm heading out," the bespectacled wah asked, "Could I get a Dr. Pepper for the road?"

Yeah, he was fucked.

As Kazu took his walk home, ice-cold Dr. Pepper in hand, the streets seemed slightly more threatening than usual. He just chalked it up to his own jitters, taking a sip from his drink. While he walked, he passed by a series of alleyways, just average spots that seemed dodgy during the day, but were best to be completely ignored at night. Tonight though, Kazu couldn't help but notice the sandwich board signs trying to direct his attention to the alleyways.

"Extra Tight Jeans - Special One-Night Sale"

Kazu scoffed and rolled his eyes at the sign, passing along another building until he reached the next sign.

"Typewriter Polishing Service Done Cheap"

"Spaghetti and Chips - Bulk Discounts Available!"

"Vinyl Record Players That Are Way More Obscure Than What You Use"

Kazu looked around behind himself, wondering if this was some sort of viral marketing campaign he had stumbled in on. He didn't see any sort of hidden cameras or people trying to be subtle while pointing cell phone cameras right at him. Still, he couldn't help the feeling the someone was about to jump out, do something ridiculous, and post it on YouTube with a title like "Red Panda freaks out when taunted with bamboo" or something. That was the last thing he needed right now, was to become some sort of stupid meme.

As Kazu turned the corner to the street with his house, he ran into one last sign. He only got to read the first line of it, but before he could think up some sort of snarky comment about the signmaker's terrible choice of typeface, he felt a wet rag cover his muzzle. It had a vaguely sweet, chemical smell to it, but he was a bit too distracted by flailing his arms around trying to fend off the person trying to cover his face with it.

"You idiot, that only works in movies! It takes like five minutes in real life!" was the last thing Kazu heard before a blow to the back of the head knocked him unconscious. As his vision faded, he gave one last look at that ridiculous sign:

"Comic Sans Addicts Anonymous: Cullings Meetings Tuesdays at 7pm"

* * *

Kazu came to with a groan, his muscles stiff and his head throbbing. He was definitely going to need to get that checked out, that shit usually means concussion after getting knocked out. He immediately started to worry about his laptop bag - whoever these assholes were that mugged him probably ran off with his computer, and it'd been weeks since he'd done a backup.

"'Don't bother updating your backup drive' I said," Kazu's brain laboredly tried to piece together coherent snark, "'It's not like you're going to get mugged in front of a shitty sign' I said. Of fucking course this happens."

As he struggled to open his eyes, Kazu did a quick mental checklist. Wiggle your big toe, check. Can feel legs, check. Stomach, slightly nauseous. Arms, slightly numb from being chained up over head for too long. Mouth, sore from gag. Head, throbb- wait a sec, rewind and go back to the arms!

His eyes shot open, and Kazu began to register that his arms were shackled and chained to a wall, right above his head so they were just at that stage where they were tingly as fuck, but just about to go numb and limp. He tried to shout something, which brought him to the next line down on his checklist. His muzzle was forced open by a red rubber ballgag, muffling any sounds he could make. Granted, he couldn't exactly see the gag, but of course it was red. As he shifted around, he felt the cold air move through his fur - of course whoever it was had taken his clothes and left him naked.

The air inside was super stale, and just cold enough to be noticeable. The floor was hard and smooth, like some sort of warehouse closet. Or a janitor's closet, the faint lingering smell of cleaning chemicals smelled ten times stronger than it should have to the shaken red panda. His arms were chained up to something, probably a pipe - as he moved his wrists a bit it definitely sounded like the chains were grinding against metal.

Kazu tried to strain at the chains, but with how stiff and sore he was, he quickly gave up on the notion of summoning superhuman strength, breaking free, finding his bag in a storage room along with a cache of guns, and Rambo-ing his way through a tunnel to make a heroic escape to a life of selling his memoirs of the incident as a self-published e-book.

As he mentally played through a fake interview about his book on a podcast with a plucky nerdy host who once hosted a terrible reality gameshow, a door opened and the searing light of a dim bulb spilled in. Kazu's fuzzy vision could make out three figures - two tall bulky ones flanking a shorter, thinner one. The two bulky figures approached Kazu and grabbed him by the arms. Though his vision was still blurred, he could definitely tell that they were canine.

The two canines undid the chains holding up Kazu's wrists, leaving the cuffs secure. The red panda couldn't help but give a sigh of relief as his arms were lowered and blood circulation was allowed to return. He wasn't exactly given much opportunity to enjoy it as the steel toe of a boot launched itself into his side.

"C'mon, up with you," one of the canines commanded, "Naptime's over."

Kazu groaned in pain before being hoisted up, barely able to support himself on his achey, weakened legs. Not that it mattered, though. The canines dragged him over to the third figure, who Kazu could just begin to make out as a tall snow leopard. He had long blonde hair, which fell over his shoulders onto a powder blue suit. The red panda's first thought was to wonder who the hell told this cat that was a good fashion choice, his second was to wonder who the hell this snow leopard was and what the hell it had to do with him.

"'Naptime's over'?!" The snow leopard groaned at the canine, who Kazu could just start to see was a muscled german shepherd in a skintight black t-shirt, "What the hell kind of cliché is that?"

"What, are we being graded on originality?" the other canine, another similarly-dressed german shepherd asked, "Is the guy who's idea of a proper kidnapping was to jump out of an alley and use chloroform really going to lecture us on clichés now?"

The suited snow leopard opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, he gripped Kazu by the hair and pulled his head up.

"Don't demean me in front of the captive," the snow leopard admonished his dogs, "Fucking hipster trash does not need to hear this."

Kazu tried to shout something in protest, finally coherent enough to form complete sentences. Sadly, the gag in his mouth reduced his words to just an unintelligible string of vowels. The snow leopard clearly caught the disparaging intent behind it, though, and pulled out a switchblade with a flourish. The two dogs took Kazu's arms and held them behind his back, using a thick rope to bind them together. They forced the red panda down to his knees, pressing their feet down on his ankles hard to keep him from moving.

"Now as for you, you little piece of garbage, you'd best evaluate your situation." The snow leopard held the knife to Kazu's cheek, then pulled the red panda by the hair forward so it just started to cut through the fur into the flesh, "We've got a bit of a night planned for you, and we don't need you making it any harder on us, and by extension, you."

The snow leopard drew the knife away, making sure to leave a nice razor-like cut on Kazu's cheek as he did. Not wanting to leave things asymmetrical, the snow leopard then reached out and swatted at Kazu's other cheek with his claws extended, raking them across. Kazu howled in pain through the gag, squeezing his eyes shut and wondering when he was going to wake up from this nightmare. He quickly realized that the stinging pain was close enough to being pinched to confirm that he was not, in fact, dreaming.

"How did I even get stuck with this?" the snow leopard groaned, "I used to have people begging me for assignments like this. Big-ticket things too. 'Enil, you're the only one who can handle this', they said. Now I'm stuck with a worthless little piece of shit like you, spending my Saturday with some fucking hipster."

"Iooaaiiieeeeuuh!" Kazu tried to cry out through the gag. It sounded like it meant to be some sort of meaningful sentence, at least it did to Enil.

"What are you moaning about now?" Enil asked, unhooking the gag and forcefully patting Kazu on the cheek, "Is there something I can help you with? Anything to make your stay more enjoyable?"

"I'm... I'm not... not a fucking hipster..." Kazu managed to force out, his mouth dry and his jaw sore.

Enil froze for a moment and just stared at Kazu for a few seconds, then balled his fist and leaned in to punch the red panda in the solarplexus, knocking the wind out of him.

"Oh I'm fucking sorry," Enil shouted, "Did I offend your tender little sensibilities? Is there going to be a hashtag campaign against me now? I don't give two shits what you think you are, down here you're a worthless little wretch who should be praising me for the honor of my presence!"

Enil felt the blood rising in his face and took a step back, collecting himself and pointing to the dogs. The canines took the rope and began wrapping it around Kazu's arms and torso. It was crude, and the loop around the red panda's neck wasn't going to get comfortable any time soon, but it definitely reinforced that if Enil was going to be sassed, it wouldn't be by him.

"Besides, what exactly were you doing earlier? Lemme guess, you were sitting in a coffee shop run by the biggest hipster on the planet - and an old friend of mine to everlasting dismay. Probably typing away on a Macbook that you dropped $2000 on and use exclusively for Facebook and Twitter. Drinking your latte and bitching to yourself about other people in your life being so unfair and just not understanding you?"

"It... it was on sale...." Kazu coughed out, trying to catch his breath. He quickly regretted the comment, though.

The snow leopard leaned in and grabbed at Kazu's nipples through his fur. Not the playful firm pinch that you'd get in some poorly-written harlequin novel that you pretend to wince at in between moans, but something meant to seriously tug at the sensitive flesh. Kazu could already feel them start to bruise up as Enil pulled him close by the nipples.

"I can see you're not taking this seriously," Enil tut-tutted, "That's okay. That'll just make this all the more entertaining."

The snow leopard lifted his foot up and pressed the cold leather instep against Kazu's exposed groin. Kazu shuddered at the cold feel, and yelped as Enil flicked his toe upwards, making his flaccid cock flop around a bit. It wasn't painful, but the surprise of it took Kazu aback. The shepherds behind Kazu just chuckled knowingly, gripping the ropes that bound Kazu tight.

"Roman, Adrian," Enil adressed the shepherds, "What do you say we prep him? I think he'd love to meet 'Olaf'."

Enil turned on his heels and sauntered out of the room. The dogs chuckled to themselves, one of them stepping aside and placing a small crate where the snow leopard stood. The remaining one, probably Roman, lifted Kazu's entire body up by the ropes almost effortlessly, and dropped him chest-first onto the crate with an almost calculated lack of grace. He took some of the extra rope and pulled Kazu's thick tail up, binding it with his arms against his back and revealing his red-furred rear.

"What is this... why are you doing this?" Kazu pleaded, wrestling uselessly against the ropes and the cop-turned-henchman, "I've never done anything to deserve this!"

"Yeah, funny how that all works," Adrian mused as he took a wet-wipe to his paws, "One minute you're minding your own business, doing your job, the next, you're all wrapped up in some feline shenanigans."

"But I've never done anything!" Kazu begged, lifting his head, "Why me? Why are yo-"

Kazu was interrupted by Roman firmly pounding once on his back with an open paw, enough to knock the wind out of the panda while Adrian squirted a few pumps of a clear, viscous liquid onto his fingers.

"Oh, hell if I know," Adrian casually shrugged off the entire situation, "Granted, this isn't really our usual thing, usually he just gets into some trouble doing something idiotic that sounded awesome in his head and we get dragged along for the ride. Normally the beatings and stuff Enil leaves to other people, but you know how it is."

"The long and short of it," Roman continued as Adrian slid in behind Kazu, "Some weird guy asks us to abuse a particular red panda. We roll our eyes, he throws us a bunch of cash, and we happily do a job. It's not our thing, but that's what's being paid for."

With little ceremony, Adrian pushed two lube-slickened fingers between Kazu's cheeks, finding his tailhole with laser-guided precision. Kazu yelped and thrashed his legs around, but a sharp kick to the back of the knees made sure Adrian could do his job in peace. Roman clamped a paw over Kazu's muzzle, muffling his cries as his partner slid his fingers in and out of the red panda's hole, pulling them apart to stretch the ring of muscle.

"Hm, maybe a rush job is all we're going to really need," Adrian announced to Roman, "Already feels a bit loosened. Think the little fucker's already been doing the job for us on his own?"

"I don't know," Roman leaned in eye to eye with Kazu, "Have you been taking it up the ass before? Are we not the first? You know if you're some sort of slut who lets just anyone and everyone up in there, this really isn't going to feel very special for us."

Adrian and Roman laughed with themselves as the shepherd gave Kazu's ass a firm grope. He then reached between Kazu's legs and gave his package a curious grip.

"I think he has!" Roman announced as he felt the red panda's cock swell in his paw, "The little shit's starting to get hard!"

Kazu's cheeks burned red hot as Roman gripped at his member. He sure as hell wasn't feeling the romance in the moment, but the dog was right - the fingers invading his helpless asshole, being abused and subjected to this torture... why the hell was he getting even remotely turned on by this? He flashed back to his freshmen health class where they said that erections were an automatic response and didn't necessarily indicate arousal, but abstinence-only-if-you-have-sex-you-will-get-pregnant-and-die education didn't exactly prepare Kazu for the whines he made when Roman released his bits, as though he wanted more.

Adrian scoffed as he grabbed Kazu by his hair, pressing this crotch against the red panda's muzzle. Kazu squeezed his eyes shut and tried to wrest his way free, but he couldn't help getting a facefull of the shepherd's musky scent.

"You ain't gotta pretend anymore," Adrian leered, "We know what just kind of wah you are. Don't worry, we'll be nice and gentle."

"No, wait," Roman corrected, bouncing Kazu's balls in his paws, "Not gentle. The other thing. Rough. Yeah, that's it."

Kazu whined and squirmed as he was taunted, feeling like his face was on fire as they not only violated his muzzle and tailhole, but his own carefully-crafted denial of totally not being some gross person who could possibly be into that. His thoughts were interrupted by Enil's voice cutting through the dusty musty room.

"Are you guys done making out yet? We're not getting paid hourly here!"

"Lazy cats..." Roman rolled his eyes as he hoisted Kazu up by the ropes, making him gag a bit from the rope across his neck, "He's not the only one who tries to have a little bit of pride in his work."

Kazu tried to catch his breath as he was brought to his feet, but wasn't given much time to get his bearings. The shepherds shepherded him into a more brightly lit room, in the corner of a dingy warehouse, where Enil was carefully hanging up his suit jacket and pulling a plastic sheet over it, like the world's seediest dry cleaners. In the middle of the room, propped up on a small stool, stood Olaf, a neon-blue dildo big enough to stand on its own. With a smooth, tapered shaft bulging out just a bit at the bottom, it had to be at least twenty inches tall (which is like... five feet in dildo-inches). It looked more like the type of thing that would be bought as a joke gift to embarrass a single woman at her birthday. "Oh, this is nice, but is that the biggest they come?" she'd try to joke as she hurriedly tried to stuff it back in the bag before her mother came back from the bathroom.

The red panda was dragged over to the thick toy. He tried to stand and at least walk himself, but feeling his lube-slickened cheeks rub together was just too much for him. Enil scoffed as he was positioned to sit on the dildo. He winced and squeezed his eyes shut as the shepherds pushed him down by his hips, letting the blue silicone toy glide past his loosened hole and into his lubed up rear. As he it started to penetrate him, Kazu winced sharply. Partially due to the dull aching pain in his bruised ribs, mostly due to the fact that the dildo was almost ice-cold, making him clench up immediately.

"Got him hard already?" Enil scoffed, pressing a finger down on Kazu's cockhead and releasing it, making it bounce up and down a few times, "You know we're not running a massage parlor here."

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm the consummate professional!" Roman defended himself, "The little pillow-biter popped a boner on his own just from me lubing him up!"

"Really now? Well, now I feel bad for not going for a model with more barbs," Enil lamented, "Still, this'll do!"

Enil pulled out his soft cock and walked up to Kazu, gingerly placing the head on the red panda's nose.

"Are you nice and comfy down there? I hope you are, because this little game's going to get fun." Enil tossed his switchblade to Roman, "I've grown really bored of these mutts, so I'm going to let you do their job for a bit. You're going to find a good use for that pointy muzzle of yours. If I don't like what you do, or feel any teeth, you're going to get a fresh cut. And if you think biting down is going to get you out of this, you should really consider just who the fuck you've been dealing with."

Enil reached down and lifted Kazu's chin up, smooshing his cheeks together and digging his claws in, causing the panda to wince and open his muzzle discomposedly. He squeezed his eyes shut as he lifted his chin to take the snow leopard's cock into his mouth, cringing at the salty taste as he wrapped his lips around the piece of flesh.

"C'mon, you little cocksucker," Enil chided the panda as Roman held the knife against Kazu's chest, "I know you know better, put that tongue to work."

Kazu whimpered as a few tears streaked down his face, several hitting the claw marks and causing him to wince, accidentally tightening his jaw and catching one of his fangs on Enil's cock. The snow leopard scowled and winced, causing Roman to respond with a quick flick of his wrist, sending an arc of blood splattering onto Enil's pants. Enil looked down at the stain and sighed, shaking his head disapprovingly, but grabbed Kazu by the hair and pulled his head forward. Kazu whined as he felt his legs weaken, making him sink down more onto the thick dildo. As he bashfully ran his tongue over the feline's length, his own cock stood at full attention between his legs.

"Think the little slut's enjoying this," Adrian laughed, "Don't think he could be harder if there were a steel rod between his legs!"

Kazu whimpered as he tried to regain some of the strength in his legs, pushing himself up just a bit off the thick silicone cock, but he quickly found himself needing to lower himself back down. As he felt the toy press against his prostate, a bit of precum leaked out of the front of his cock, dripping down onto the cold floor as he started to lick at the snow leopard's.

As Enil's cock stiffened in Kazu's mouth, the red panda's cheeks burned red hot. It didn't take him too long to figure out the mechanics of sucking a dick - after all, he'd watched plenty of blowjob porn... and often focused on the technique... and pictured himself in that position.... As his tongue explored the curves and barbs on Enil, he defeatedly started to try to push himself up and down on 'Olaf', letting out a small moan as he did. As ashamed as he was, he started to realize that there wasn't much point in saving face - a face that was being pulled into Enil's pubic fur.

Kazu whimpered in shame as Roman continued to run the knife blade through the dark brown fur of the red panda's chest, dragging it up to his red markings and tracing around them as he waited for a signal from his snow leopard. Enil simply nodded approvingly as his captive started to bob his head up and down along his cock. He eased up his grip on the red panda's hair - it clearly wasn't needed at this point as Kazu began to take over on his own accord.

Adrian laughed as the red panda tried to ride up and down the thick dildo, taking out a cell phone and snapping a few photos and recording a quick video of Kazu's cock bouncing with his attempts at riding the blue silicone cock. Kazu whimpered and moaned as the german shepherd pressed his paws on the panda's thighs, pushing him down further onto the toy almost to the base, eliciting another wince, another tightening of the jaw, and another slice from Roman on Kazu's arm this time. Adrian just laughed as he wiped a bead of pre off Kazu's dick, wiping it off on the red fur of the panda's asscheek.

Enil purred softly as he rested his paws on Kazu's shoulders, pushing down on the panda and digging his claws into his captive's flesh. He let out a loud dominant growl as he shot a load on thick cum into the red panda's muzzle. He shuddered and moaned just a bit, then pulled his hips away and wiped the tip of his cock off on Kazu's muzzle with a chuckle.

"That's a good little cocksucker," Enil laughed, "I know I don't even need to tell you to swallow, little tail-raising cockslut."

Kazu whimpered and hung his head, swallowing hard right as the snow leopard mocked him. Sitting there on with the thick blue dildo with a stupid name lodged firmly up his ass, face smeared with the cum on some deranged snow leopard who thought he was some sort of supervillain, and surrounded by two laughing german shepherds... and all Kazu could think of was that he wasn't even sure whether or not he hoped that one of them would lean in and start to jerk him off.

He wasn't given too much time to wonder, as he was kicked over by Roman... or was it Adrian... he wasn't exactly keeping track. He yelped as he crashed onto his side, and the other shepherd roughly pulled the thick dildo out of his rear. He cried out as another boot rocketed into his chest, but was silenced as a black hood was pulled over his head and tightened.

* * *

Hours and hours later, Kazu finally came to when the sunlight pouring into his room hit his face. He groaned and started to sit up, but was immediately hit with a wave of pain in his chest, back, sides... his everywhere. Risking the bright afternoon sunlight searing his sensitive eyes, he opened them to see that his nice bedsheets had spatterings of blood all over them, which he quickly deduced was his own. He huffed and twitched in his bed, wishing that it had all been some sort of nightmare. Nope. It was a shitty night made even worse by the fact that it had actually happened, and worse still by the fact that he'd enj-

Kazu's thoughts were interrupted by a loud knocking at the door. He sighed and just lied there - he hurt all over and whoever it was at the door could wait. Instead of getting up, he just shifted to get comfortable and reached over for his phone, seeing several missed calls and voicemails from his ex. He started to go to listen to one, but thought better of it and just deleted them all outright - whatever she had to say, it would probably make the previous night's events seem like an enjoyable vacation by comparison.

After a good thirty minutes of deleting voicemails, checking his Twitter to see if anybody else had reported anything weird, and making his own vague posts ("Had one hell of a rough night last night... #wtf"), Kazu finally pulled back the bedsheets, wincing at how the blood had dried and made the sheets stick to his cuts. Luckily, most of the bleeding had stopped, thanks to some clumsily placed adhesive bandages.

Kazu groaned and struggled to drag himself out of bed, stumbling over to start a pot of coffee. While trying to add grounds to the coffee filter (forgetting several times how much he put in and accidentally putting in enough for five cups), he remembered the knock at the door and eventually shuffled his way over to the door. He opened it to find nobody outside, but an unmarked envelope taped to the door. With a beleaguered grunt, he clumsily took it down, and took it back into the kitchen as he opened it to the siren sound of coffee brewing. When he opened it, he just groaned and let his head hit the kitchen table - there wasn't enough coffee in the world for the contents of that envelope: a dry cleaning bill... for a pair of powder blue suit pants... with an extra surcharge for bloodstains....