FSE

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Growing up i was born and raised into a nuclear family in other words a mom and a dad and there kids.

When i was a young pup i had a simple normal life......and so i thought it was.

Most of my life i was shy i never had any friends i was always by myself never would i talk to anyone nor would anyone talk to me. There finally reached a point in my life where for some odd reason something sparked in me and i came out i was always doing random things making weird noises. This led to kids and teachers being amused by me and so i became an entertainer and i thought i finally made friends. This went on to at least middle school, but it was not until my 8th grade year i realized people where laughing at me not with me......I was a fool. People would always ask me to do random things and so i thought i was popular but i soon began annoying people from it and of course that was never my intention.I soon had no friends at all no one liked me and then my whole life changed. I went to school normally never would I think anything was unusual but i was always teased and pushed around but i never realized why i was young and gullible I thought i had friends and they were just playing around with me. As my 7th grade year started like any other year i had no friends i was by myself as always nothing was different. I was going to my 3rd hour class it was choir i was a pretty good singer so i wanted to be heard, but sitting in class i received a note i unfolded it and it had fat ass nerd fagot anything you would think of was written on this paper and this is where my whole life sparked i realized i never had friends i was being bullied and through the rest of the day i could not help but cry all day until school ended.

From this point i was always getting these notes i would over hear people talking about how i am such a creepy weirdo and such. Now i knew no one liked me. From this point i have had major depression and stress and my self esteem was lower and lower each day. I soon went home and found a simple pencil sharpener that had a razor on it that was only held in by a screw i took the razor off and then began carving into my arms and legs..........it felt good like an escape. I soon found myself doing it every night every word was another cut on to my body it was my coping mechanism, It made me feel good it was so amazing to me i made a necklace with it and would hide it under my shirt and knowing i had it right there would make me feel better.

My 8th grade year of school has started and it was normal still no friends no one to care about me. I would go home and cut myself as usual but this time i didn't think and i cut into my arm very deep i could see into my flesh and the wound was opened wide i started losing a lot of blood. My parents were outside talking and as i was bleeding out i thought why not end it all no one cares not even my parents. So i went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle not caring what it was and I took as many as i could swallow and i went to my room laid down on my bed and everything went black.

I woke up in the hospital to the shouting of my father yelling at me and saying how useless and pathetic i am for attempting to kill myself. He then walked away from me and i heard him under his breath 'I wish you did die' I felt like i really was useless my mother would not speak to me for days my father would only look at me in disgust i could not help but feel worse i then began cutting again and went back to my normal routine. Except i started hiding my scars more and started only doing it to my legs so no one would know not even my parents.I soon found other ways to hurt myself, during the winter i made myself suffer by wearing shorts and a t shirt , i would starve myself and not eat for days in hope it would make me skinny, i grew out my nails to dig them into my skin i was doing anything i could to hurt myself.

I was depressed my first year of high school began and of course nothing changed i was still hated but at this point i let the bullying happen i never did anything about it but let it happen and go on about my day. During this year i picked up smoking i would go off campus at lunch to go smoke cigarettes and it helped me cope. I soon began doing drugs smoking weed doing acid shrooms anything i could get my hands on because it made me feel good but i still had no friends. I eventually found myself getting involved with darker and darker things, I was addicted. So i finally stopped to keep my self from ending up in the hospital again and the risk of my parents finding out.

Finally something changed my life i came home from school and my mom asked me how would you feel about moving. I couldn't help begin crying because i knew my life was about to change for the better. So we move and it is the start of my 10th grade year of high school it was a fresh start no one knew me no one hated me but it was still hard to make friends but finally i started making friends and people actually liked me for once my life has finally changed for the best.

My 11th grade of school began everything was good i had friends we would doing things after school or on the weekends it was great. Now during this year was when i came out as gay but it was not that simple.

Growing up i have always had feeling towards guys more than i had towards girls. One main reason that made me find out these feelings was in my 4th grade year i had a teacher who was very cute and he had a pretty nice butt i would stare at it when i had the chance. Of course though i never thought anything of it i was young i learned to push these feelings aside and not have a worry of it. When high school started my feelings with grows grew more intense i didn't understand what was going on with me i thought i was crazy. I got a message from a girl online and she started messaging me and we went from there. She eventually asked me out and i willingly said yes but i told her about the feelings i felt and if she is willing then if she will be my test to see if i liked girls or guys and or both, she willingly agreed. I never kissed her done anything with her hell her friend forced us to hold hands i did not enjoy it at all. She eventually broke up with me because i wasn't to far of interest towards her and i was ok with that.

i soon started asking friends to help me figure out what i was but i was the only one that could answer that.

Later in life i started driving and i got my first and only job i worked there for about 3 months when i met one of my managers. He was taller then me talked in a feminine voice i figure he was gay i never labeled him though but one day he randomly said he is desperate and needs a boyfriend and i asked him, so your gay? He told me yes and i said cool i am to not knowing if i was yet and we started talking and i have never done anything with a guy or girl he was gonna be my first. One day at work just a normal day he hands me a napkin and on it it says i don't care that your only 17 and i am 21 but i wanna try and start a relationship with you if you are willing to. I thought it was so cute i couldn't help but say yes but he really wasn't my type the feminine voice taller then me i wasn't i didn't enjoy his personality that much either but i willingly said yes and then we messaged each other all night and he already started calling me babe which confused me because it was the first day but i accepted it and then the next day he asked to hangout and i said sure so we went and ate food it was not bad and then i drove us to a bridge and we sat in my truck underneath it and first thing he did was start kissing me which surprised me and i enjoyed it. He then started rubbing my bulge and pinching my nipple and rubbing my chest i enjoyed it he then ended up in my lap and started kissing my neck and we were fooling around quite a bit he then started unzipping my pants to grab my cock i then got out of my truck and walked around little and came back because i realized this went to far to fast. This was not even 24 hours of us being together when this happened and as much as i enjoyed it i ended it because i don't want sex i wanna relationship, but this helped me realized i am gay.

I the was single for quite awhile i was desperate so i hoped on a dating website and created my account and i had it for about an hour or so and someone replied to me i was in shock and looked him up and i was desperate so willing to try anyone we then started talking and i grew a great love for him he changed my life. We are now a couple but from long distance but hopefully not for long because he is the only one in my life who loves me and cares about me and that person is wolfie steel.

But wolfie steel is another story to tell.