The Probe - Halloween 2020
Story by KitFox on SoFurry
Unintended consequences...
Errors were made...
The Probe
Halloween 2020
It should've been a quick drive home. But first a flash, and then it seemed like only a moment later that he found himself on his side on a hard, cold surface, and quite unable to move. His eyes were gritty and everything was brighter than it should be. The sounds were all quite wrong too.
"The sample is awake now. Begin preparation for the test."
He struggled against whatever was holding him, but it was like he was encased in stone. This was obviously not the case though, since he was also stark naked.
"Why are we being so formal? Every test fails and the sample is lost," a second voice said. "I don't see anything different about this one. We will fail again, and go home in shame."
"Be quiet!" the first voice demanded. It was higher pitched, but neither of them could really be said to be male or female or... really human sounding. "Despite the seven failures, we must fail eight times before we give up. Command demands it. Now, free its head and prepare for the test. We will need its feedback."
"Every other one was just..." the second voice said, then did an excellent job of mimicking an agonizing death. "I don't see how that is useful at all. And why do we need to keep sound communicating in its language?"
"Because command demands it," the first voice said again.
The feel that kept his head from moving faded, and he could see a lot more clearly now. "What the ACTUAL fuck is going on?!"
"This one is more prone to noises that make sense," the first one said, moving around in front of him.
Okay... there were costumes, and then there were... things that you could tell were definitely not a costume. This fell in the latter category. The creature... alien? probably... that stood there had too many holes in places that a human could not fit them and still be alive.
Then it struck him. "Seven failures? You're why seven people have gone missing recently!"
"Yes, this is true. Seven other samples stopped biological functions when probed," the creature said. "We must fail eight times before we return in shame. We prefer to succeed, but it seems unlikely." It turned its attention to the other. "Get the anal probe!"
"WHAT?!" He shook his head furiously. "Bio... you killed them?!"
"Unfortunately, yes. It was rather messy to clean the test room as well."
"Why the hell do aliens with an anal probe speak English? This has to be a joke!"
"Command demands that we are able to communicate clearly with our test samples. In this area, your sounds and glyphs were this, so we were dispatched with the information."
The second one came around front with a very scary-looking stick-like object that was difficult to believe could exist with physics. "Even the directions were provided in your glyphs to make sure we were familiar with them before we would have a chance to succeed."
"There is NO WAY that can safely go in my ass! Obviously it killed the others, so you must be doing it wrong," he said, thinking as fast as he could. Despite how unreal this was, he didn't want to die. "Where are the directions? Maybe you missed something."
The second one set the device down and picked up a folded sheet of... paper? Plastic? Hard to tell. "Here. Very simple directions. 'Insert device and press button'."
The thing did in fact say 'Anal Probe C' on the top two lines, but something caught his attention. "That's folded in half. What is on the other side?"
"The other side makes no sense," it said, flipping the sheet over. At the top it read, 'ysis harger' across two lines, and then warnings. "This side says it must not come into contact with samples, and that makes no sense. It is impossible to insert the probe into the anal oriface without contact. We guess it is a trick to test us."
"Unfold it!" he said. "Make it so both sides are one side."
The thing looked at the folded paper, then fiddled with it and flattened it out.
Analysis
Probe Charger
"That is a charger?! Why did they not say that the sides went next to each other?" The creature was vibrating now and vanished from view with the other, then a rapid flurry of extremely frightening sounds came from both of them as they were either arguing or discussing something.
After several minutes of this, the first one appeared with a device that looked even more disturbing. Like a metal spider, but with ten or maybe twelve legs sticking out of it.
"Then the charger goes into this as step one..." It picked up the stick and shoved it briefly into a hole on the body of the thing, and lights and odd appearances came into being. "Ah, this looks much more like what to expect!" it said, setting the charger down again and looking over the creepy device.
He was forced to move by the unforgiving pressure around him and ended up on his back, his head tilted up. His eyes widened as the creature held the spider-like thing in front of his face.
"If you would let us know what you experience," it said, then the legs clamped around his head.
He screamed in terror. He couldn't feel any pain, but he could feel the thing... Just behind his ears, in his nose, and at the outside corners of his eyes. It was stabbing, or drilling. He sensed hot wet for a moment at the back of his head where it was not numb. Less than he expected for what he felt. Then the back of his head was pain free as well as the little legs stabbed through his skull.
His vision went dark, but he could still hear.
"Ahh, the test is working! We can start collecting all the needed samples now. Several billion should do."
What's next?
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