FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Jesus Christ, what was wrong with these people?

Jim felt like he was on crazy pills. With each new example of spergery he saw online his faith in humanity, which he thought couldn't get any lower, drilled into the earth's core and found a wormhole to hell. Back in the Wild West days of the Internet, it was all fun: you could talk shit, make fun of retards, and just watch them screech about it in their little hugboxes. But over the last five years, as Facebook and Reddit took over and pumped money into it, people lost their sense of humor. Now, they would say the most ridiculous shit and mean it sincerely, and if you dared to make fun of it, you get banned or bitched at by dumbfucks who want to "mean something" but didn't know what or why. Millennial, entitled assholes who cared more about looking good than doing fucking anything.

He'd seen the same pattern so many times. He saw it with Chanology, which pissed off the leaders of Scientology at first but got cringy and awful with its Guy Fawkes masks and birthday cakes. Occupy Wall Street, which started off wanting to stop corruption in banks and corporations, but ended up with a progressive stack and some female-bodied non-binary named Ketchup fucking the whole thing into the ground. Gamergate, a hashtag movement about ethics in gaming journalism, devolved into moneywhoring and PR bullshit to the point where Jim had to nuke his channel just to fucking live with himself. In the last few months, it had been the Liberalists, political activists led by a fat fuck know-it-all with a dream to change the world and nothing else. Any time people made fun of their just godawful pretentiousness, they cried harassment and made up conspiracy theories about Jim and his friends doing something to them, which made it even funnier to watch. He and his army of twelve-year-olds in Outer Heaven must have had some shadowy influence to make these fart-huffing shitbags obsess over him like this.

Jim had been laughing at this shit publicly for more than a decade, and it had gotten to the point where he literally couldn't keep up with it any more; the autism was too strong, and the President's Twitter just made them flap their arms and screech in hilarious ways. That was lucky for him: medical problems had made him unable to do real work anymore, and the Patreon was helping cover his bills by doing what he always did: laughing at spergs online. In between guest spots on the Killstream and scouring Twitter for shit to laugh at, he was editing together screencaps from FurAffinity and InkBunny over an audio recording of his reactions to them. He wished YouTube were more lenient in letting him post porn, because most of the best shit involved sex with things no one should ever consider sexy. Why were there people who were fascinated with eating out Skye's ass from Paw Patrol, or who wanted to see Sonic the Hedgehog in an abusive relationship with Shadow and pregnant with his child? Fucking degeneracy.

Even though the subject was funny, the work was tedious, dragging timecodes across a bar to say what image went where, and sometimes even fading an image overlay onto the video, which was the limit of his abilities. Then there was the rendering, which took too fucking long, but that couldn't be helped. He was watching a progress bar slowly crawl across the screen as the still images and audio were put together the way he wanted. As he did, a soft whine behind him told him someone else was in the room. He turned around to greet the panting dog behind him with a ruffle of the head. It was his German Shepherd, Eva, looking for attention like she always did this time of day. Jim smiled: it was a good way to pass the time while the video rendered, and it would calm her down. He would have to tease her a bit first, though.

"Hey, girl. What is it? What do you want?"

Eva slowly wagged her tail, looking up at him in adoration.

"Nothing, huh? Oh, well..."

He slowly pretended to turn around, as Eva whined again and pawed at his pant leg. He turned back to her, grinning wickedly.

"What do you want, huh? Do you want to go out?"

Another soft whine. She was almost trembling, she wanted it so badly. Maybe she was coming into heat.

"No? Well, then are you hungry?"

A sharp, high-pitched park. She shivered with antici-

"No? Well, I don't know..."

pation.

"I know what you want. You're thirsty, aren't you, girl?"

Eva barked again, louder, and started getting excited, almost running in circles.

"Yeah, you're a thirsty bitch, I can tell. Well, first things first."

Jim unzipped his pants and pulled his seven inch, uncut cock out of his boxers, a bead a pre forming at the tip. Eva licked her lips, waiting for permission.

"Go on. You know what you want."

Eva lapped at his cock in long, slow strokes, starting at the tip and working her tongue into his foreskin. Goddamn, this bitch was thirstier than King of Pol. The sweat and pre on it must have tasted good to her as well. He gave his foreskin a tug, revealing his bulbous head and letting her worship that as well. It was sensitive from being hidden away most of the time: no wonder there were forums dedicated to growing the foreskin back. Her tongue was too rough for him to take for long, but she'd make up for that in a minute.

"That's enough, Eva. Get on the bed. Go on."

Eva leapt onto the bed with a short running start, sliding a bit when she landed. She then planted her feet, turned her head to look at Jim, and lifted her tail to the side, showing off her pussy. It was swollen, and a tiny dribble of fluid leaked out of it as pulsed. She was definitely in heat. Perfect. He pulled off his pants and knelt beside her, lining himself up at her pussy lips. He grabbed at her flanks and looked at her face.

"Hey. You ready?"

Eva just panted back at him, That was all the answer he needed. He pushed himself into her, going up and then in to accommodate her different anatomy. She was incredibly hot, more so than any woman. She whined in pleasure, then started humping back into him to get herself off. This was her favorite thing to do, and he had the stamina to last for her. She ground against him harder and faster, desperate to cum.

"You like when I fuck you, girl? Huh? You like that? Who's a thirsty bitch?"

Eva whined and moaned and pumped, her orgasm building up. Then, Jim felt her whole body quiver, inside and out, The convulsions were strong enough and tight enough that Jim couldn't take any more and came himself, pumping white-hot seed deep into her. Before he'd even finished cumming, Eva jumped off his cock and ran around the room excitedly, doing a sort of happy dance.

"You loved that, huh? It was good for me, too. Good girl."

Eva lay down to clean himself up, as Jim put his pants back on and returned to looking at Twitter. Someone had sent him links to an autism forum David Shitrat used to frequent, bitching about how no one hugged him at school. God, this shit never ended.