FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Archives Inventory

You are attempting to access information on Archives Inventory Number 001-100.

Please Enter Log in Details

User Name - ***************

Password - ****************

Only level 3 staff and above are allowed to access this information. You are cleared for access.

Be warned. This information is extremely senstive and top secret. Any attempt to redistribute this information will be countered and appropriate measures will be taken.

Archives Inventory Number 001-100 - Dossier has been opened.

Archives Inventory Number 001-100 is a VHS tape of standard size and weight, with no identifying markings or manufacturers signatures. It rests in a standard VHS black plastic casing.

The front cover of the VHS casing portrays a jester in vintage white clothing and lined with black details. He holds his hands up in the air in a display posture, with a large bunch of coloured balloons floating above his head. The words 'Heckles Comedy Variety' are displayed in large Comic Sans lettering over the balloons.

The back of the VHS casing has an image of Heckle the clown in the middle of a circus ring, the stands covered in shadow while Heckle has taken the spotlight. He is balancing on a large rubber ball whilst on one foot.

Above Heckle is the description of the video itself.

"Come join Heckle our laugh out loud host as he takes his comedy to the streets and brings the gift of laughter and surprise to ordinary citizens. See their reactions in real time as they are pranked in public, as Heckle gives them a dose of medicine. The best medicine is laughter after all. As Heckel says "I bet they didn't see that coming."

The VHS tape was brought to our attention after it was discovered in the stock room in a now disused BlockBuster Video store in *************, ********** in 1998. The owner happened upon the VHS tape while removing stock, and decided to play it at his house locate in ******** street.

He was discovered by police the next morning after neighbours alerted them to the sounds of screaming and fighting, believing there was a home invasion occuring. Upon entering the hosue, the police found the kitchen floor covered in blood with a benchs' surface covered in bloodied knives and a cutting board.

When police entered the dining room, they found the video store owner, dismembered and served up on various plates across the dining table, with a centerpiece made out of his head, arms and feet.

A note was found on the table, written in the victims blood. "He didn't laugh."

The Janitors were dispatched immediately, with memory modifiers distributed to the neighbours and the police, and the crime scene cleaned. The copy of the VHS tape was found in the VCR in the living room.

The VHS tape runs for exactly 57 minutes, with the remaining 3 minutes devoted to the ending credits.

Upon playing the VHS tape, the show opens with a spotlight on a pair of brightly coloured striped curtains. THe spotlight swings back and forth a few times as the words 'Heckles Comedy Variety " are displayed. An announcer, later determined to be Heckle himself, makes an announcment.

"Ladies and Gentle, welcome to Heckles Comedy Variety. Now, lets welcome our host for the evening. The Prince of Pies. THe Sultan of Seltzer. The Master of Ballons and the only one down with the clown, HECKLE."

A standard recorded audience applause is heard as the curtains part, revealing the middle of a big top circuse ring. A single spotlight shines down on the stage, and Heckle appears out of nowhere in a shower of glitter and balloons.

"Thank you thank you. Welcome to my show. I hope you're ready to laugh till your sides split, because I know I sure am. Lets get on with the show and bring the medicine of laughter to the poor sick public. Becuase trust me, I bet they didn't see it coming."

There is another burst of recorded audience applause before Heckle disapears in another shower of glitter and balloons as the stage goes dark.

This part of the tape never changes, as it seems to be the only part of the tape that is consistent throughout each viewing.

The show then proceeds to move into the busy streets of a crowded metropolitan area. These streets change each time, with no real ways to determine where they are. there are never any famous landmarks or street signs visible, which makes identifying almost impossible.

For the first twenty minutes of the video, Heckle will jump out of randome places in the streets and play pranks on unsuspecting passers by, always getting a reaction out of them before turning to the camera and saying his catch phrase "I bet they didn't see that coming" before he rather flambouyishly runs away while cackling.

His 'safe' pranks have and will involve the following :

• Throwing water balloons from a bridge onto passers by.

• Squirting people with a hose or seltzer bottle while hidden behind some bushes.

-Sneaking up behind someone on their phone and pushing a big pie into their face.

• Riding a bicycle along a beach, that uses a truck horn to make people jump out of the way.

• Bursting out of a trash can when someone goes to use it.

• Standing still as a park statue and then startling people when they attempt to take pictures.

After the twenty minute mark, Heckles pranks seem to turn more violent and dangerous for the next twenty minutes. He continues to shout his catch phrase "I bet they didn't seet that coming" after each prank and dances away, leaving his victims in some considerable distress.

These pranks have and will include the following -

-Walking up behind people and pushing them into bushes or trees.

-Walking into a supermarket and throwing tinned food randomly at people.

-Jumping out from behind a bush wielding a live chainsaw and running after someone.

-Dropping rocks from a bridge onto a pedestrian pathway below.

-Pretending to be a modern art statue in a museum, then attacking other displays with a baseball bat.

-Hiding behind trashcans and leaping out at victims, grabbing their bags or backpacks and knocking them down.

-Riding his bicycle along a beach and riding over people who are sunbathing.

After the twenty minute mark, the pranks once again turn decidedly more violent and ruthless, all the while still still shouting his catchphrase "I bet they didn't see that coming", before laughing and taunting his victims before running away.

THese pranks have and will include the following.

-Going 'Shhhh' while at a movie theatre behind the screen and setting it on fire.

-Stepping out of a toilet cubicle and grabbing a victim while they are at the sink and smashing their forehead into the glass.

-Going to take the first swing at a baseball game, before running into the dugout and attacking the players with the bat.

-Sneaking into a restaurant kitching and pushing a chef to the floor, before knocking a pot full of boiling water onto them.

-Breaking into a childs bedroom and grabbing their pet cat/dog and swinging it against the furniture till the animal is dead while the child/children are screaming.

-Pushing a pregnant woman down a flight of stairs in front of a crowd.

-Standing on an overpass over a busy motorway and dropping bowling balls over the side.

• Running through a packed crowd stand at a public stadium with a live firing machine gun.

-Hiding in a tree and dropping a noose over a victim, then jumping and hauling them up by the neck till they stop moving.

• Sneaking up behind a couple with a pram, pushing the parents aside before grabbing the pram and pushing it into oncoming traffic.

• Using a spray can and a lighter to set people on fire while they are sitting in a hairdressers.

At the fifty five minute mark of the video, Heckel returns to the spotlight in the big top stage, laughing loudly as he turns to the camera.

"Well, that's our show for the night. Did you see the looks on their faces? I tell you, laughter really is the best medicine when you dish it out. I hope that you were laughing along with me, because I think you could use a dose of medicine as well."

At this point, Heckle will turn his attention directly to the viewer and use their actual name.

"Really, *******, I hope you were laughing. Because remember, if they didn't see it coming, I bet you won't."

Heckle will then laugh as he disapears in a burst of glitter and balloons before the screen turns black and the credits begin to roll. The credits have so far never featured any production team, locations or anything resembling normal credits at the end of a show.

The credits instead list all the victims, by name, and how they were 'pranked'. The credits run for exactly 3 minutes before cutting out and the VHS tape will be ejected.

Cross referencing with local police reports do confirm that these victims in fact exist, and that they were either hospitalised or pronounced deceased upon discovery. These victims have been identified in various streets across the world, the locations varying in distance from one another. All the incidents have occured at the exact same time they occured on screen during the viewing.

All eye witness accounts have said they saw a black and white jester attack these victims, and then appear to 'speak to a camera or person', although no-one is there.

As of today, October 31st 20**, there have been exactly fourty six viewings of Heckels Comedy Variety VHS, and twenty four of these viewings have ended with the viewer being brutaly murdered in their own home, with their corpses displayed in some kind of prank offering to whoever discovered them.

And on each location, there is always a note written in the victims blood.

"He/She didn't laugh. "

This dossier has been read. Downloading and distributing of this material is not advised and actions will be taken if discovered.

Actions taken will include bans on research, termination from the Archives, or termination period.

Please log out now.

Logging you out safely.

I hope you laughed.