FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The Gift

Stephanie's Storyline, Chapter 2.1

copyright comidacomida 2018

The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said "One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." I have never considered myself a chaotic person and, in fact, I prefer stability and habit and predictability. When those four spirits entered my life I was working as a freelance technical writer; I didn't have a direct boss to whom I'd report; I didn't have an office outside of my apartment; I didn't have any schedule other than what I gave myself. Order and balance and schedule were my bread and butter-- that's what it takes to be successfully self employed.

Adding four spirits into my life... well... let's just say that they didn't lend themselves to the mix without creating some waves. Although I'd managed to calm everyone down that first morning with breakfast the chaos, I knew, would quickly return to my apartment unless I managed to provide more direction and so that's what I tried. When I'd told everyone I wanted to spend some more time with Anapa and have Kyle translate for us... well... let's say that it wasn't taken all that well by Medved and Tom.

The Bear did a fairly good job of keeping quite despite his mumbled comment in Russian that spoke clearly of disappointment, but Tom was surprisingly vocal on the matter. "Stephanie, you discard us too easily. We are your Sentinel and your Guardian. If you wish to let these other spirits into your life that is up to you, but you should not let them take our place. To do so would be--"

I interrupted him. "Nobody is taking anyone's place, Tom. I just want to learn a little more about Anapa and I need Kyle's help."

The Rhino's face was innately built to scowl. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood like some kind of frowning stone gargoyle. "I do not approve. Your family has a long tradition of being ours. You should learn more about us and recognize that these visiting spirits are a passing fancy."

Kyle stood up, interjecting. "Hey! Steph and I've known each other for more than two years. I'm NOT a passing fancy."

Medved continued frowning but said nothing. Instead, the Bear meandered off into my bedroom. Tom, however, continued speaking to me rather than the Raven Spirit. "Nekh'dah, I am proud that you wish to learn and experience. The fact that you desire to understand others before judging them is commendable, but the more you lead these two on the harder it will be to tell them to leave once it is time for them to go."

Kyle attempted to match Tom's scowl but his beak just wasn't built for it. "Who says we're going anywhere? That's not YOUR choice, Sentinel."

I quickly stepped in between the two of them before they could escalate the shouting match. "Okay. Enough. Both of you."

Tom tightened his hold on his own chest with his arms, his scowl somehow managing to deepen. Kyle's feathers settled down a little and he nodded. He did go so far as to add "It's Steph's choice who she spends her time with, and if she tells me to go I'll go, but it's up to HER, not YOU."

Glancing at Kyle, I got him to go silent before I looked back to Tom. "If you're that worried about me then you can stay here, but I don't want you interrupting. Fair?"

The Rhino snorted but nodded. "Yes, Nekh'dah. I will stay here and remain silent unless one or both pose a threat to you. If they do then I will do whatever it takes to see that you are safe. We have an Accord."

I watched as his eyes shimmered yellowish and a golden nose ring appeared in his septum. Tom took a seat on the armchair in the corner of the living room and I could have sworn I heard it creak beneath his weight. It was a strange thing to notice, especially since I knew spirits didn't actually weigh anything. I couldn't completely object to his reasoning and so I saw no reason to press the issue. At that point I looked back to Anapa then to Kyle. "Okay... let's take a seat at the table."

The Raven provided direction to the Jackal and all three of us sat down. I took a moment to collect my thoughts, two sets of purple eyes staring at me. One I figured out what I wanted to say I looked right at Anapa, motioning to Kyle after I said what I had to say. "I want to know what you were doing with my brother at the funeral. I don't just want a one or two word explanation. I want to know the full explanation. Kyle, ask him please, and then tell me everything he says."

Kyle paused, looking at me once I'd asked my question. "Steph, I already said what he was doing to--"

"I want to hear him explain it. He didn't sound like he agreed with your explanation and I need to know."

My declaration wasn't so much pleading as it was a matter-of-fact statement. Ever since Anapa let me feel whatever it was that he had to show me on the sidewalk outside my parents' home I couldn't help but wonder exactly how he had been able to convey what I felt without so much as a word. I was left to my thoughts as the Raven spoke with the Jackal, exchanging a few statements back and forth until Kyle looked at me and said "He says that was taking the last bit of spirit energy in Billy's body that was left behind after his spirit left."

Anapa nodded, reiterating with his simple grasp of English. "Yes. I take Sheut."

I fell back on something Kyle had translated for him. "So... humans DO have souls?"

Kyle answered without the Jackal even having to say a thing. "Sure. Of course! It's the reason humans can create spirit energy. All living creatures do, but in order to make enough to help sustain spirits-- well... only a soul can do that."

I'd never really been that religious so it took me a moment to let that settle in. "So... Anapa wasn't trying to take my brother's soul..."

The Jackal shook his head vigorously. "No. No take soul. I no take soul. Soul gone. I take Sheut."

Kyle exchanged a few words with Anapa; the Jackal had a lot to say on the matter, gesturing with his arms and paws as he spoke. The Raven nodded, occasionally adding something to the conversation before Anapa finally went quiet. Only then did Kyle turn to me to elaborate. "Souls create lots and LOTS of spirit energy, and that energy also keeps them connected to your bodies... the more you create the more spirits notice, and the easier it is for us to interact with you, but when humans die your soul leaves your body and only a small amount of spirit energy is left. Eventually it fades away into nothing."

I was aghast. "A soul fades away? What about heaven, or an afterlife or--"

Anapa spoke to Kyle and the Raven interrupted me. "No-- spirit energy... the stuff left in a human's body after their soul leaves. It's 'leftover' spirit energy."

Jumping to conclusions isn't my usual method, but trying to understand had me spinning in all directions. "So... what happens to our souls?"

Kyle shrugged. "I dunno."

I let my expression do my talking for me, but, to help reinforce my lack of contentment with his answer I added "Ask Anapa."

The Jackal's response was surprisingly short in length and when the Raven looked back at me I was able to expect what he translated. "He doesn't know either."

Although I didn't want to doubt either of their honesty, I had a hard time believing that they didn't know at least SOMETHING. "But... aren't you both spirits? You've lived a long time. Haven't you learned even a little bit about what happens after people die?"

Kyle shook his head. "Nope. Spirits interact with LIVING humans and, just like humans, when one of us dies they don't come back to explain it. I don't think anyone--"

Anapa interrupted him and the Raven paused, feathers puffing up as he responded in kind, his tone suggesting curiosity. The exchanged another round of statements and Kyle's next interaction had a strong hint of disbelief. The Jackal's retort was matter-of-fact and eventually the Rave looked back at me and said "He says that what happens to a human's soul depends on them."

I didn't have to think very long to figure out how to phrase my next question. "Like... heaven and hell?"

Anapa was apparently familiar with those words as he interjected before Kyle could start translating. "No-- yes. Heaven... Hell... more. All souls. khristianos... yude..."

From there his explanation returned into his own language and Kyle began explaining once the Jackal had finished. "He said that souls function a lot like spirits. Human belief is a powerful thing and what happens to souls depends on what someone believes, so Christians, Jews, Muslims, Budhists-- all that. He says that you shouldn't worry about that though because you aren't your soul and your soul isn't you."

The last statement threw me for a loop. "What? Isn't that exactly what a person is? Everyone always says that a soul is what makes us human."

Kyle's feathers puffed up and he turned once again to speak to Anapa. They exchanged quite a few words before the Raven got back to me. "He said that a soul is like the opposite of a reflection. A reflection is a body without a soul and that a soul without a body is no more real to a human than a reflection is, and for the same reason."

It made sense in a way, but everything I'd ever understood made it difficult to accept. "But, a lot of religions talk about everlasting life, or eternal paradise, or even reincarnation. How does that work?"

The Raven shrugged. "Not sure, Steph, but the way I always thought of bodies as batteries and souls were kinda like the energy in batteries. A battery does stuff until it runs out of energy, and you're just left with a battery."

I didn't really like the comparison, especially when all of the spirits had been telling me that they rely on humans for energy. Was Kyle basically saying that humans were there to be a plug-in power source? Setting that ugly thought aside, I looked right at Anapa. "Is there something after death?"

I barely even registered the words Kyle spoke on my behalf, and I watched each syllable form on Anapa's muzzle as he responded. The Raven spoke them so I could understand. "He says he doesn't know, but it shouldn't make any difference."

"What? Why?"

Anapa reached across the table and took hold of my hand. It wasn't an aggressive or sudden move; it was calm and purposeful to such an extent that I didn't pull away. His touch was ephemeral-- it was faint and wispy like a thick mist but, even so, I could still tell it was there. I could easily have pulled away if I wanted to, but I humored him. The Jackal turned my hand over so that my palm was face up-- he didn't have enough solidity to do it, but the actual effect was just an inclination of what he wanted and following the unspoken request. When my hand was face up on the table, Anapa spoke. "You."

I looked him in the eyes; his Amethyst orbs stared at me out from behind a mask of golden pigment on his black fur. When he added nothing more to the statement I spoke a question consisting of a single word. "What?"

His paw brushed my hand with his paw. "You. This you."

After a moment's confusion I thought I realized what he meant and I expanded on his statement. "My hand is me? Okay."

He offered a single, succinct nod. He then brushed his paw across the table. "This...."

He turned to Kyle and asked a question. The Raven spoke for him. "The table is life, existence, and the world around you."

"Okay."

The Jackal continued to speak even as he gently urged my hand upward. The Raven translated. "He wants to know if your hand isn't on the table whether it's important that the table is there or not."

I tried to make sense of the analogy, and, considering them both, the most obvious response depended on the exact purpose of my original question. "I guess, only if I wanted to put my hand back down, so-- I wanted to know what happens to my hand after it leaves the table, so... yes? I mean, is there another table where I can put my hand?"

Kyle relayed my response and Anapa shook his head, offering very few words in response, to which the Raven translated. "He says he doesn't know."

It wasn't what I wanted to hear but I didn't really have the ability to push the questioning much further. That, and we got off topic. I was just about to circle back to exactly why and how Anapa was interacting with Billy's body when a strange sensation of understanding and a desire to interact struck me like a very insistent but somehow painless migraine and, only then did I realize that Tom had stood up. I looked his way and he straightened up expectantly. Had he been seeking my permission to speak? "What is it, Tom?"

His statement was mind-blowing. "Certain Human souls merge back into the ether. More and more souls just disappear. Others are returned to a point of power-- I suppose some may call that an afterlife of sorts. A very few become Spirits."

I found the statement both fascinating and a little disturbing. Did I understand him correctly? "Humans become spirits? You mean... spirits like you, or more like ghosts?"

His arms slowly left their position crossed over his chest. "One... the other... both? Ghosts are spirits of a sort."

Kyle's feathers puffed up. "Steph doesn't need to know about Ghosts. You shouldn't--"

The Rhino stared down the Raven. "She asked. If she wishes to know then she should be able to have her answers."

Circling back to the other part of his statement I inquired again "But... some souls can become spirits like you?"

Tom nodded with a single motion of his head. "Yes. Spirits are made of the same stuff as human souls, but we are put together differently. The universe is good at reusing all forms of matter and energy, and it does the same with souls. It is one reason why spirits like the Raven are able to Skin Ride and possess human bodies."

Kyle looked ready to object, but I quickly interrupted him since Tom's statement begged another question and I didn't really want to have my questioning disrupted with an argument. "Were you a human at some point, Tom?"

The Rhino snorted. "It is possible, but I do not believe so. Not all Spirits were humans and not all humans become spirits. Whether I was or not does not matter. I am a spirit, and that is all I need to know."

The simplicity and disinterest in Tom's response brought the discussion to an uneasy silence. I had so more questions to answer but it was obvious that he didn't share my outlook of interest. Eventually it was Anapa who interjected. "Hemet-netjer... mashe."

I glanced to Kyle, who responded simply "He said 'Mashe', and that means 'balance'."

Looking back to the Jackal I asked "Balance? Balance in what?"

He looked to me, eyes glimmering Amethyst. "As yai kerok? Nanef mpair?"

The Raven quickly translated. "He wants to know if your curiosity is satisfied for now."

I looked quizzically at Anapa. "What does that have to do with balance?"

Without Kyle even translating, the Jackal spoke. After a slight pause, the Raven spoke for him. "He wants to be able to ask you some questions in return."

It almost felt like a game but, nevertheless, I was still willing to humor the Jackal. Remembering something Tom had said to me, I smiled and repeated those words. "We have an accord."

While Kyle seemed bemused and Anapa was pleased, Tom's enormous hand landed against his horned snout audibly. Apparently my Sentinel didn't like my choice of words. Regardless, it led into a much deeper Q&A.