FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The knock at the door was so soft as to be almost embarrassed at the intrusion. Mike wondered for a few seconds he’d imagined it, or if it had been noise from elsewhere in the manor. Well, no, it probably wasn’t the latter. After years spent living on a ship, where he could hear everything that happened from the lower deck uninsulated crew quarters, he had felt unnerved by how quiet the room was. He hadn’t been able to hear Evals walking away at all after they’d said good night to each other, and he’d never realised how much he’d embraced always being able to hear that his friend had gotten to his own bed safely.

Mike slipped out from under the sheets and onto his feet. It wasn’t like he’d been sleeping anyway. Things were all too new, they kept changing, and he had a future ahead of himself that he’d never thought of making plans for before. And the bed was far too comfortable. It was weird. Though not quite as weird as finding Eric when he cracked the door open.

“Hi.” he said through the gap, after an overly long pause. “I hope I’m not interrupting at all, am I?”

This perplexed Mike. He hadn’t quite taken to the change in the dynamic of his relationship with his former master anything like as fast as Evals had. Eric, meanwhile, seemed to have landed somewhere in the middle. He was being apologetic, and polite. Not that he’d ever been rude or cruel to Mike before, but also that he’d never really paid much thought to being nice either. He seemed, to Mike, to have done a lot of catching up on that part very quickly recently.

Actually, his perception of Eric had come up as a point of contention between himself and Evals, who hated everything about Eric all of the time for the very act of enslaving them. Mike didn’t exactly like being a slave, but he understood how lucky the pair of them had gotten landing with Eric as their master. Evals had never experienced the worst of slavery like Mike had.

But then again, Mike had never experienced true freedom like Evals had, he didn’t know what he was missing.

Being treated as an equal by Eric was still strange to Mike and made him pause unnecessarily long. “Huh? I mean, no. I was up, it’s been too quiet to sleep.”

There was an uncomfortable silence as Eric stumbled over trying to talk for a few seconds. “Would you mind if we talked for a few minutes then? Inside. In private, I mean.”

Well that was even more strange. “Yeah, sure.” Mike said without even thinking about it. Though once he did have a moment to think about it, after he stepped aside and opened the door, the only thing he’d have changed was to put some pants on first. Eric didn’t seem to mind though. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t seen it all before.

“Thank you.” Eric said, awkwardly. It didn’t come naturally to him and Mike noticed. It was hard to break habits, but he was trying. “Would… would you mind if we sat down?” He asked, unsure of everything, and only after a long pause to compose words that evidently hadn’t figured themselves out.

“Uhh, yeah, sure.” Mike said, gesturing to the bed. It looked almost freshly made, early life experiences had taught him to be still once he was in bed so the sheets had barely been disturbed.

Both of them sat down on the side of the bed, Mike closer to the top while Eric perched awkwardly near the foot of it. Without much thought to it, Mike flicked his tail over his lap and held it there. In a cruel twist he’d initially been taught modesty as a child, only to then be taught to get used to breaking it later. It was intentional of course, so he would always feel naked in a way that most Keidran didn’t. But only a little bit.

He clearly didn’t feel as uncomfortable as Eric did, who was struggling to look at Mike. He was hunched forward slightly, fiddling with his fingers in a way Mike had never seen him do before. “I want to apologise to you.” He said after a long time thinking about how to phrase such a simple thing.

There was nothing simple about the meaning behind it, nor the guilt that Mike could hear in his voice. The fox gently straightened himself up from his slouch and perked his ears.Eric’s pause felt to him like it was an invitation to say something, and he gave it very careful consideration, before deciding to let him continue in his own time.

“I’ve…” Eric started but choked on his word immediately afterwards. He reset, and tried again even more gently. “I’ve been with a lot of Keidran, but you’re…”

“Not that.” Mike found his words and threw them down. “Don’t apologise for that.” He said with as much determination as he’d ever said anything before.

Very slowly, Eric’s gaze lifted up from the floor to look at Mike. He’d never seen that much resolve on Mike’s face about anything ever. “That, that isn’t the response I was expecting.” He said flatly and with some surprise he was masking.

Mike unclenched his fists, only now realising how tightly he’d been squeezing them. It took several deep breaths and a few seconds before he relaxed himself to start untensing the rest of his body as well.

Only then, when he’d finished calming down, did he realise that he’d stolen all of the impetus for talking away from Eric.

Well, that was a problem of where to start. He chose the beginning, because it was as bad as anywhere else. “Do… Did you ever look up who your father bought me from?” Mike asked, uncertain of himself even as he said it.

Eric let out a short sigh. “Actually yes. But it was a shell company used to mask the actual seller from the permanent record. Dubiously legal, but very common for a number of reasons, very few of which are actually nefarious.” He admitted, solemnly. “At least, nefarious to the buyer.”

Mike sighed softly and looked away from Eric as he dredged up just enough memories to find the right words, without pulling on all the threads that led to the things that kept his nightmares cold. “I was raised on the Fleullen estate.”

“Oh.”

Eric had said it almost unconsciously but it landed on the conversation like a dropped brick.

Mike tried to swallow through a dry mouth and it didn’t work out well. “I’d actually always wondered if you’d have known who they were.” Talking with a dry mouth wasn’t going well either and he reached out for the glass of water he had on the nightstand.

“Only by name, and reputation I suppose. Breeders by trade, and” Eric said, mixing over how to phrase things more carefully then he’d ever needed to before. “Very high end, at that. Famous almost exclusively for their…” he stumbled over finishing the sentence, they both knew what he was saying, but he had a correction to make. “For fox Keidran.”

The now empty glass of water made a light clink as Mike set it back on the nightstand. “For the girls there were only two paths their lives could take. Either kept as part of the breeding program, and they didn’t mince words about calling it that, or being sold at adulthood.” Mike had to stop as he took a long breath, and then another to calm himself down. “Neither was great, not that we had a choice, but for the boys there was a third route.”

_________________________________________________________________________

The small fox child held his pose perfectly still as the human approached, towering over him. She would have been twice his size even if he hadn’t been kneeling on the floor. His arms hurt, his legs hurt and his tail hurt from holding the pose for so long under tension, but he still held it because it was nothing compared to how badly Jacen would beat him if he slacked even for a moment in the middle of the inspection tests.

“Convince me Jacen, because I’m not impressed so far and first impressions matter when selling a slave.” Her voice was harsh and dismissive and the little fox was terrified of it even besides the power it held over his fate.

The much taller and lanky fox behind her snapped forwards from where he’d been hiding in her shadow. The smaller fox couldn’t see what he was doing, but could hear the shuffling of paper on a clipboard.

“Perfect obedience scores, perfect formalities, near perfect on aptitudes. Facial structure is on model, weight and height are both on track for good final results with high probability.”

“Masks!” The woman exclaimed “If half the girls could score this good I’d be rich.”

“Exactly mam, I think he would be an excellent candidate.” The fox feigned optimism and hopefulness the little fox knew he didn’t have a single spark of in his soul.

“Hmmmnnn, everything except the outside.” The woman was as of yet unimpressed. “Generic orange fur, matching hair but I see we’ve already done something about that. What does that say on his sheet, brown eyes? Lets see them boy, look up at me.”

The little fox raised his gaze up from the floor slowly, only beginning to lift his head as his pupils reached his eyelids. He couldn’t feel where that was of course, he’d had the muscle memory of it beaten into him.

The woman let out a disappointed sigh. “That’s what I thought. Aptitude scores aren’t going to fix this.”

“You could invest in the magic for a permanent change perhaps? When we charmed his hair tips we also trialed a light blue on him for a week and it improved things markedly.”

“Or I could spend that money on a girl that would make it back tenfold. If he had a chance of growing big tits it would be worth the gamble, but as a boy he just isn’t good enough.”

_________________________________________________________________________

“They sold you, I presume? I mean, while you were still young.” Eric was looking at Mike with concern in his eyes, and only now Mike realised he’d just stopped talking.

Mike took another long breath to try and calm himself down. “They did tests at four years old to decide whether raising us would be profitable enough. I-” His tongue jumped into his throat and cut off anything else he had to say for the minute it took him to calm down, which Eric respectfully waited for in silence. “So they changed my name and sold me.”

There was silence while Eric waited to make sure Mike was done talking. “I don’t remember, but I doubt I ever even asked what your name was. I probably just read the paperwork.”

It took a second, but Mike just shrugged. “Even if you had, I would have told you it was Mike. I was given an order that my name was Mike, and back then I would never have contemplated disobedience.” He took a slow, deep breath, but found it didn’t help too much. No that wasn’t it, it was because he didn’t need it. Honestly, this was the least of the things that caused him pain.

“Would you rather change it back?” Eric posed to him.

Mike blinked. He’d never even considered it. But of course he was free now, he had power over his own life in ways he’d never even considered before.

“I could say I changed it, I’d come up with a reason…” Eric continued.

“It was Michael.” While he appreciated the offer Eric was making of further tarnishing his own reputation for his sake, it wasn’t necessary. “And, thank you, but no. I’ve been Mike for a long time now and, well, I like Mike.”

Eric nodded gently. “Ok then. Oh, besides, we’d have needed to blame my father anyway.”

Another long breath was needed before Mike could talk again. “Besides, honestly, ‘Michael’ really only has bad memories attached to it.”

The silence crept back into the room slowly the moment the two of them dropped their guard.

“I hate to phrase it quite like this.” Eric began, then paused to reconsider. He committed though after thinking about it. “And I don’t want to wash over what I’ve done. But, if it is any consolation, being sold back then probably worked out for your benefit.”

“Yes I know,” Mike said in slightly begrudging fashion. “And don’t ever try to convince Evals of that because he has no idea how bad things can truly get for slaves. But I know how lucky we got.”

The silence was making another approach and Mike felt it. He banished it again while he still had the strength to speak. “It was never about that I’d been sold, it was about why.” His mouth was dry again and there was no more glass of water to save him. “They told me I wasn’t good enough.” He gasped at the end as his voice gave out just as he finished.

Eric paused long enough to check that Mike was done, before offering some comfort. “Well, I can hardly agree with them.”

“EXACTLY!” Mike yelled out exasperated, and far louder than he’d intended. He turned to face Eric as he did and leaned over so far he could practically kiss him. The thought crossed his mind. “That’s exactly it Eric, you, I mean I…” Mike tailed off and looked down at where his hand was pressing into the bed. He'd nearly grabbed Eric’s hand and was tempted to do so now, but it probably wasn’t the right move to make.

“Look…” Mike said to a still slightly stunned Eric after he had spent a few seconds composing himself. “You’re straighter than Evals, but I’ve seen the girls that you bought. You have expensive taste. You’re…you’re exactly who their market was.” His voice began to fail him again, but Eric gave him the time he needed.

“And the day you decided to try out being a woman, I was good enough for you.”

The silence was back, but they both decided to let it linger for a minute. This time the only thing it was pressing on was a fullness that Mike was happy to feel.

“I’m still not sure I gave you much of a choice.” Eric said, finally looping back around to why he was here in the first place. “I owned you, and I’ve come to realise just what that might have meant, no matter how nicely I ‘asked’.”

Mike shook his head. “I mean, I know what you mean. I’m sure Flora would have some choice words but I saw the way you treated slave girls that said no to you.”

“I didn’t exactly take no for an answer.” Eric insisted.

“You didn’t take it to mean yes either.” Mike sighed. “I can’t speak for everyone, but I knew you, and I felt I had a choice.” His voice choked again. “And I…”

Mike looked down at their hands again, both were leaning on them into the bed, propping them up. He wanted so much to grab Eric. Not out of love or affection, but because in his own way, Eric had been there for him.

Gently, Eric picked his hand up, and held Mike’s with it.

Mike looked up at him gently. There was no love there, hardly even friendship, and that was no slight on him nor fault of either of theirs. There was no attraction certainly, for Eric was quite simply not into other men.

But there was compassion. A lot of guilt, but also compassion, and that was what he wanted, and needed right now.

“I wanted it. And I enjoyed it. And even if I was a little embarrassed during the painting I enjoyed that too because it was the first time I’d ever felt good about myself, and the first time I’d ever felt sexy since I’d known what that meant.” Mike stopped talking almost out of habit because by now that was when his voice would have failed him. But he felt fine, he felt better than fine, he felt as though a weight he’d been carrying for years was finally set down and now he could recover from it. “And I have never regretted it even for a moment since.”

“Then I’d like to say that I’m sorry for everything else.” Eric said gently, before finally pulling his hand back away from Mike’s. “And, thank you for telling me. It’s at least one less sin I’m going to need to atone for.”

“You’re welcome, and thank you.” He said back, looking at Eric as he stood up.

“Well then. I’ll let you get to sleep.” Eric said before taking a few steps towards the door. He stopped short of it though, turning slowly to look at Mike again. “Actually, a thought occurs to me, if you don’t mind me staying a little longer?”

“Sure.” Mike said. He felt light and floaty right now, and his fur felt tingly, so he wasn’t going to sleep any time soon anyway.

Eric took a hefty breath. “I’ve been talking to Evals, and I’ve promised to try and arrange with another captain to smuggle him back to the dog clan territories.”

Mike perked his ears up at that briefly, before the reality of everything that entailed with that came crashing down around him. “That’s really good of you.” He said because it was all he could summon the will to speak. Going home was everything Evals had ever wanted in life, he’d grown up exactly where he wanted to be and his life goal was nothing less than to get back to it.

There was something Mike hadn’t said though, and Eric filled in for him. “He was of the thought that you’d be joining him,” he said slowly. “I’ve no problem doing the same for you as well, and I didn’t try to dissuade him. But I didn’t get the impression he’d actually talked to you about it first.”

Mike sighed loudly. Of course it was always going to be what Evals tried to do, and of course he was going to try and drag Mike along with him. And of course he had no idea even that Mike didn’t want to go with him, let alone of why. “Thank you but I, I just don’t….” he tapered off as he struggled to find the words. He’d been trying to avoid thinking of them for days now and was now caught unprepared when he needed them.

“You don’t have to justify anything to me.” Eric said with as much comfort as he could, because Evals was going to need an explanation. “But, in the same vein as what I’ve offered to him, I was wondering what you wanted to do now? And… if there’s anything I can do to help.”

Mike took a long breath as he considered what to say to that. He had an answer of course, it just might be pushing his luck a little bit too far given the subject of it.

Well actually, what did he have to lose? Respect from the man that used to own him? “Actually, I’ve always wanted to be a merchant.” Nothing ventured, nothing gained. “I always did all the maths for the ships loading anyway, and I’ve watched you and your father doing trade deals and wanted to give it a go myself.”

Eric thought about that, then lifted his arm to his chin and rubbed it thoughtfully for a few seconds. “I think,” he said, then paused to reconsider, but then finally settled on speaking again “I think that it’s too late at night to be doing trade deals, but we should talk tomorrow morning.”

“Seriously?” Mike’s whole frame perked up where he was sitting on the bed, his ear tips flicking upwards excitedly.

“Well. I’ve been trying to think of what to do next now I’m getting out of the slavery buisness.” Eric said, looking up at the ceiling in consideration. “I can’t trade west with the war, and with my ship sunk I won’t be trading south for a while. So I’ve been looking for a way to start trading with the Tigers but my name and reputation would likely keep me out.”

“But I could trade there.” Mike said, already thinking ahead of what he’d want out of such a deal. “They might be more willing to trust an outsider if he’s Keidran, while you’d have access to the human side of the market.”

“Exactly,” Eric agreed, still thinking about it “honestly, I think you might be the perfect person to open that market. Being a fox will keep you out of any local clan politics, no one will suspect you of holding secret allegiance to a foreign power, and, frankly, I can trust you.”

Mike held his tail down a little harder because he’d felt the urge to wag it. Approval like that from the man that used to own him shouldn’t have mattered, but it did and he was more than a little flattered by it. “Sort out the details tomorrow though?”

Eric let out a sigh of relief “Yes, it’s late, and I’ve enough to process already for one evening.” He said as he reached for the door and began to open it. He stopped, half way through the threshold though, and turned to look back at Mike. “And finally, just, thank you, I guess.”

“Likewise.” Mike said. “And Eric?” he added before his former master could close the door. “I think you’re a better person than people give you credit for. You just had to learn not to be your father.”

“Thank you.” He said, thoughtfully, “Though I think I still have a long way to go to repair the damage.” he paused, before adding. “Good night Mike.”

“Good night Eric.”