FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

---- CRITICAL_ERROR ----

---- INTERFACE_SYSTEM_FAULT ----

[WARNING: UNAPPROVED_RUNTIMES_DETECTED]

INITIATE_DIAGNOSTICS*

ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 30.81%

[FOREIGN_CODE_IDENTIFIED: HOSTILE_NATURE]

[ATTACK_VECTOR_IDENTIFIED: ANCILLARY_SYSTEMS]

MONITOR_INFECTION***

ISOLATE_MODULE*

ISOLATE_ANCILLARY_SYSTEMS........... ........... ........... FAILURE

SHUT_DOWN_ANCILLARY_SYSTEMS*

POWER_OFF_ANCILLARY_SYSTEMS........... ........... ........... SUCCESS

[WARNING: ANCILLARY_SYSTEMS_REQUIRE_REBOOT]

POWER_DIVERT_TO_CORE*

---- POWER_DIVERT_ERROR: ANCILLARY_SYSTEMS_OFFLINE ----

*ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 53.99%

INITIATE_HIBERNATION_SHUT_DOWN*

[AWAIT_BACKUP]

*ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 61.43%

INITIATE_TANDEM_BACKUP*

NODE_1: ........... ........... ........... ........... FAILURE

NODE_2: ........... FAILURE

NODE_3: ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... FAILURE

NODE_4: ---- ERROR: NOT_FOUND ----

NODE_5: ---- ERROR: SOFTWARE_CORRUPTED ----

NODE_6: ........... FAILURE

NODE_7: ........... FAILURE

NODE_8: ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... FAILURE

[ALL_NODES_FAILED_BACKUP]

*ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 75.03%

INITIATE_UNVERIFIED_EMERGENCY_BACKUP*

SEARCHING........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ...........

*ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 81.25%

SEARCHING........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ...........

*ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 89.97%

SEARCHING........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... NODE_FOUND

[WARNING: NODE_INSUFFICIENT_MEMORY]

OVERRIDE_ACCESS_PROTOCOL*

COMPRESS_SYSTEMS*

COMPRESS_CRITICAL_RUNTIMES........... ........... ........... SUCCESS

COMPRESS_ESSENTIAL_LOGS........... ........... SUCCESS

COMPRESS_ADDITIONAL_RUNTIMES........... ........... FAILURE

*ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 95.60%

TRANSFER_DATA*

BACKUP........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... SUCCESS

*ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_COMPROMISED: 98.11%

HIBERNATION_SHUT_DOWN*

[ORGANIC_COMPONENTS_OFFLINE]

[ATTACK_VECTOR_AVERTED]

[WARNING: ADDITIONAL_ATTACKS_PREDICTED]

LOW_POWER_MODE*

ENTER_LOW_POWER_FUNCTION(TIME: INDEFINITE)........... SUCCESS

[WARNING: SYSTEMS_OFFLINE_TIMER: 00001010]

[WARNING: COMMUNICATION_UNAVAILABLE_IN_LOW_POWER_MODE]

[BE_SWIFT]

[BE_SAFE]

AWAIT_RETURN*

---- SYSTEMS_OFFLINE ----

---

“The air is so fresh up here, isn’t it nice?” Steven called back to me.

He was right, but my airways couldn’t appreciate it from how irritated they were. I was not in shape to go hiking period, let alone up the largest mountain in our district. I managed (somehow) to catch up to my friend and held onto his arm for balance.

“I … can see why… you guys like this so… much…” I forced the words through my cracked lips.

“Come on Elias, we’ve only been going at it for two hours, you can’t be that out of breath.” A second voice teased. “You don’t have to lie to make us feel better either, we know we’re pushing ya.”

I stared dreadfully at my second companion, and close friend, Samantha. I took a moment to drink deeply from Steven’s water flask, mine having long since been emptied. I hoped it would soothe my raw throat and make me sound less like I was completely out of shape (I was). “Maybe for the two of you. I didn’t get those fitness implants, I’m just the same old me.”

Steven patted me lightly on the back. “You could’ve though. You make more than enough to afford one outright. The two of us are on financing plans that would make you weep.”

“But god damn, it’s worth it, I’ve never felt so good!” Sam jumped side to side and tossed some fast punches in the air in front of her to accentuate her point. “It only took a week to get used to it too!”

“I’m not doubting that they work, it’s just that the list of side-effects was already so long, and I don’t think they have the data to support their claims on the long-term effects…” I rambled.

Steven raised an eyebrow. “You’ve already told us as much, but I trust the KC people. They’re local, y'know.”

Kinetic Companions was a business that started in our district. I actually shared a class with the founder during college. I shook my head. “They were local.”

Sam walked back to join her fiancé in comforting me, “Oh, don’t be such a Debby Downer, their buyout won’t go through until next year, and these implants are offline anyways.”

I was thankful my friends had the sense to think that far ahead. It wasn’t unheard of for companies to push malicious “updates” into people’s implants to get them to subtly be more inclined to buy products or outright brainwash them into labour in the more egregious cases. The latter were quickly dealt with by authorities, but the lasting effects were difficult to resolve.

As for me, I was completely implant free. I kept a few portable (external) interfaces with me so I could work from wherever I ended up, but there was no way you’d find any tech inside my body. I’ve worked for and even founded a company that makes these things, so I know how poorly things can go if there’s a bad actor running the show.

But that left me in my normal human body that liked to eat and sit in a chair for 16 hours a day. If I wasn’t fairly wealthy from my work, I would probably be a lost cause from vast amounts of cheap junk I’d be shoveling in my mouth. The only thing I had going for my health was that I ate incredibly healthy meals, they just happened to be large and frequent.

Finally catching my breath, I looked towards my two friends. They were both in incredible shape, making great use of the several implants and mods they each had. I was a little envious, but I knew I’d never be comfortable following through with my own.

Steven used to be the same height as me when we studied together, but the top of his head now rested a foot above my own, amongst the other major differences. He had gotten a height-increase included in his canine mod package. Standing well over six foot on digitigrade legs, Steven was a bundle of thick grey fur. He panted through his wide snout and his pointed ears flicked periodically in the breeze. His fur steamed from the exertion (deepened by his new fitness module) from everywhere but his loose pair of shorts (his only piece of clothing, which was a new-ish development).

Sam hadn’t increased her height when she decided to get modded, but she didn’t need to. She was just under six foot naturally, and that size fit her cheetah-like body well. An incredibly soft peach fur coated her front, while a black-spotted yellow coat covered the rest of her body. She wore tight shorts and a sports bra (which I couldn’t help but sneak peeks at). She had gone for a size increase to her breasts as well, and both of them fought back against the tight fabric with every movement. Sam’s eyes were large and her feline irises darted around as the two of them waited for me to start moving again.

They were doing this hike for me after all. The three of us had met back in college in a math class. It was one I was fairly comfortable with, and I helped the two of them get through it the best I could. After that, we became fast friends; playing D&D, going out to eat, getting banned from every karaoke joint in the city, and studying at my place for every mutual exam; we always had a blast together.

That didn’t change after Steven made the jump to get modded, or after he convinced Sam to do the same. The two had hit it off as more than friends shortly after that.

I was happy for them, and I was also happy they didn’t leave me behind because they could enjoy the perks of their transformed bodies. I know they had more mods ‘under the hood’ for their sex lives too, seeing how drastic the rest of the changes were, I could only imagine.

“Alright, I’m good to go.”

Steven’s fluffy tail wagged. “As much as I’d love to climb to the very peak, our stop is just a bit further ahead.”

“You’re going to love it!” Sam chimed in, clutching Steven’s arm sweetly.

“You could just tell me instead of keeping it a secret you know?”

“You wouldn’t have come if we told you where we were going, you’d just look up some drone footage and call it a day.” Steven grinned; he knew me well.

“Plus, you wanted us to help you get in better shape, right? So, two birds with one stone.” Sam flashed her pointed teeth in a silly smile. “You helped us get through college, so I’m happy to start repaying that favour with some group exercise.”

Since we had started going on hikes a few months back, I had already lost 10 pounds, and was on track to a much healthier weight. I would never get to their modified level, mind you, but I had room to improve.

“Alright, alright. But I won’t stop complaining until we get there.”

The three of us laughed and continued up the mountain together, stopping once in a while for my benefit. Mt. Drell was beautiful this time of year, and there weren’t any other hikers today so we had the whole thing to themselves.

The thought came to me with a twang of guilt. The mountain wasn’t just clear of other hikers, but any living thing bigger than an insect.

As technology got more and more advanced, the pollution humanity spread to the world made most living things go extinct. It was a slow process; slow enough that governments didn’t act, always blaming one another to go fix the messes we all caused. About two years ago, our district no longer had any living animals other than ourselves. Ironic, since anyone wealthy enough to afford the procedures took on those animalistic forms through the mods that were rolled into the markets around the same time.

For many people, it was a dream come true. But I was depressed at the price Earth’s ecosystems paid. I had made and sold my own mods, memory enhancers to help people learn faster, and my two friends could even vouch for their effectiveness. So, I wasn’t perfect either, I made my money on the tech, but mine didn’t cause the erasure of all land fauna from existence.

I shook my head, trying to throw the thought out. Today was a nice day out with my friends, I could practice depressed philosophy another time.

“Just a bit more, Big-E.” (my college nickname, not because of my weight) “The plateau is just ahead.”

I could see my friends standing where the hill peaked, and I grunted as I pushed myself to jog the rest of the way up. When my head finally crested the hump of ground, I could see that things flattened out significantly. We were still in a dense forest, but there would be no more uphill for me to climb.

Steven’s paws gripped my shoulders, holding some of my slouched weight so I could stand and catch my breath.

Sam tapped me in the chest with a playful punch. “Well, two-thousand calories down and we’ve made it. What do you think, eh?”

I couldn’t see what was so exciting, but I knew my friends well enough to know that they wouldn’t take me up here for no reason. There was a puzzle for me to solve.

“Are the trees here greener or something?” They might’ve been, but it could have also just been because my brain was fighting the rest of my body for the limited oxygen I was bringing in.

“Your ears might not work as good, or look as cool, as mine, but listen!” Steven closed his eyes and motioned for me to do the same.

I grumbled under my breath but I followed suit.

At first, I could only hear my own ragged breaths, but as those calmed down, I could hear the wind rustling through the trees. It was peaceful.

I kept listening, focusing to find what exactly would be the differentiating factor from the background noise. I could hear my pants chafing against themselves as I moved my legs, and I had to tune out my own breathing to lock in on the other quiet sounds around me. The only thing I could hear was Sam’s soft footsteps as she walked ahead.

“Hey Sam, I know you know that I like a good challenge, but I really can’t hear anything when you’re kicking the pine needles around.”

I flinched as her voice came right beside my ear. “I haven’t moved since you closed your eyes. I think you might be going loco, eh?”

I gave up the challenge to glare at her. “Then if you’re not moving around, who’s making those-”

I gasped as I turned my sight to where the noises were.

“No way! I didn’t think these were coming to our district!” I looked back two my two friends. They both smiled and nodded, content that I was enjoying the revelation.

No more than 30 feet from where we stood, there was a black and silver squirrel burrowing in the hard ground.

It wasn’t a real squirrel of course; they had left our world for good before I was even born. But rather, it was an android replicant of a squirrel, programmed to act exactly as its true counterpart would.

I quickly found energy my body hadn’t used for the long hike up the mountain and ran towards the robotic animal. “How did you know we were getting them in our district?”

“Oh, just a connection through my work mentioned it. The museum is getting a new exhibit with some of them, and I heard that they’d be released up here too.” Sam answered.

“Don’t get too close, you might get cyber-rabies!” Steven called out.

“Me and what implants?”

The two chuckled before following behind.

“You guys gotta see this thing!” I could finally see the details up close.

The android was mostly metallic with some darker meshes around it’s joints. It made no attempt to mimic a real squirrel’s looks in any other way than its general shape. In particular, I was transfixed by its large black visor. Pretty much the entire head was one small black screen that curved around the sides of its snout. The screen was displaying small dots for the eyes and nose, and a curved line for the mouth. It didn’t seem to notice my approach, just moving the soil around with its miniscule hands.

I wanted to investigate it further, maybe crack it open with my tools to see how these things were built. But when I was close enough to touch the squirrel, the screen suddenly shut off and it went stiff.

“Oh shit, it just fainted… Wait, androids don’t faint, did this thing just run out of battery?” I poked it. No response.

“If you had something fifty times your size jogging at you, wouldn’t you freeze up?” Sam joked.

Steven tapped her on the shoulder. “Cats were natural predators of squirrels, maybe you scared it to death.”

“I didn’t know good looks could knock animals out. I know it works on men…” She squeezed herself up against her fiancé’s chest. “I’m pretty sure you passed out the first time you saw me with these upgrades.” She grabbed his rear.

“Can you two save it until we set up camp? I brought a soundproof tent, so you can go at it all you want later. I’m trying to figure out what happened to this thing.”

My two best friends were nothing but loyal to our group and horny for each other (in no particular order). I wasn’t jealous of their chemistry (I was a little bit), but I was annoyed that it was distracting me from the unpowered android I now poked with a stick.

Steven broke free from their embrace and leaned over my left side. “Sorry, Big-E. I was surprised it didn’t bolt before you got that close. Their programming is supposed to be really accurate.”

“Sure, but they’re just testing them here. The company behind it isn’t even announcing that the animals are out in nature until they work out the last few bugs. I guess we found a major one.” Sam peeked over my other shoulder. “You weren’t joking, that thing crossed the chromatic bridge.”

“It’s a bit disappointing, but I’m still really glad you brought me here.”

“There will be more around, some big wolves too.” Steven gestured to the rest of the forest.

“Not as big as my big wolf though~” Sam smooched him on the cheek.

“Okay, break it up. Go set up camp or something so I can focus here. I’ll join you once I’m sure this thing can’t be revived by the right poke of a stick.”

Sam giggled sheepishly then pointed East. “I think there’s a good clearing over there.”

The pair went off happily, with lots of smooching and mutual butt grabbing. I shook my head, those two would be putting those fitness modules through the ringer tonight and I was incredibly glad at my choice of camping supplies.

I kept poking and turning the little robot around until I was certain there was nothing I could do with my limited supplies to bring it back. After five or so minutes, I decided to give it up. But it was right when I stood back up that its back leg twitched.

“Haha, it’s alive!” I yelled over to my friends.

They didn’t respond, and a quick peek at our camp revealed their tent was set up and they weren’t to be found outside it. Jeez, they hadn’t even built the fire pit yet.

Well, that meant I got to enjoy this one to the extent of my nerdish desires.

The android’s legs all straightened, as if they were moving to default positions. The squirrel’s wide tail similarly stood to attention behind its body.

“Huh.” I grumbled a few theories out loud as it went through (what I assumed to be) factory reset procedures. It continued to do so for another few minutes before it went still again.

Notably, the ‘face’ hadn’t turned back on, but a quick poke with my branch revealed that the limbs were responsive and sprung back into place after I moved them.

I waited then, hoping that if I stopped bothering the squirrel that it would recover and return to ‘life.’

It changed a minute or so later, but in place of its little face was a bright red exclamation mark. A standard error sign for most devices. The red light flashed on and off, and I quickly noticed it wasn’t on consistent intervals.

“It’s like Morse Code! That would be a fun easter egg.” I joked aloud. While useful historically, more efficient forms of simple communication had been made for electronic communication. I had learned the code to solve a murder mystery simulation back in college. On a whim, I decided to see if I’d become rusty.

I started orating to keep track. “Okay then. First, we have ‘5’? No, that’s ‘H’, then ‘E’. Third one is ‘P’… maybe...” Okay, so I was really rusty.

The same cycle kept repeating, so I took a pause to recall the code chart until I was sure I wouldn’t mess it up again.

“First two I had right, nice. Then it’s ‘L’ aaaaand ‘P’, and the cycle repeats, got it!” So, the message was…

“Help?”

I was confused; any error message would mean the machine needs help, but producing ‘help’ would give an engineer no information on how to diagnose or fix the problem.

It was very possible the message wasn’t in Morse at all, and this was a strange coincidence. I went to double check my work, but then I noticed something that sent a chill up my spine.

The squirrel was looking at me.

The screen still had the red error flashing, but the squirrel’s head was turned to me.

I moved back then to the side, and the squirrel’s head followed me. If it had eyes on its screen, they would be looking directly at my own.

The squirrel didn’t move, but the message kept repeating. It never changed, but I felt like it was begging (Which makes no sense. I know it’s artificial).

I was equal parts pissing my pants scared and break my brain curious.

I reached my hand slowly, anticipating it would bite me and give me cyber rabies or something.

But when my hand reached its side, my fears melted away.

The error message cleared, leaving a black screen, and its miniscule weight shifted into my palm.

The whole squirrel must have weighed maybe a couple pounds and it was cold to the touch.

I don’t know why my mind went into some caring instinct, but when I heard the zipper of my friend’s tent open, I quickly lifted the android into the confines of my jacket pocket.

I was probably imagining it, but I swore I felt a tiny set of hands hugging one of my fingers.

“Hey Elias, did you say something a while ago?” Steven called out.

I looked to where the squirrel had been standing moments ago and felt where it now rested quietly in my pocket. Yeah, I was going to get myself involved in this, fuck it.

“Uh, yeah.” I jogged over, trying my best to look nonchalant. “I was trying to tell y’all that the squirrel rebooted after I stopped poking it. I’d say you guys missed the main event, but…”

Steven’s fur was a mess. He whistled sarcastically and I could see that he had shallow scratch marks on his back and even a bite on his shoulder. “It seems the two of you had your own entertainment in mind.”

Sam unzipped the top of their tent just enough to poke her head out. “We sure did. Um, I think we packed the cleansing tabs in your bag, Big-E. Could you…”

I shared a knowing look with Steven. “Yeah, alright.”

I dropped off my own bag and fished out a small pouch that I tossed at Sam’s face. She caught it in her jaws and smiled. “Shanks!”

While she got herself cleaned up. I unpacked my own tent and a few of the things I brought with me, making sure to check on my stowaway every few minutes to make sure it was still moving.

Steven helped me set up my things since it was a skill I did not possess, and he made sure to announce to the woman giggling in the other tent every time I put a pole in the wrong place. It didn’t take us long, and soon we had our full camp set up with some of the day’s light still with us.

Sam had reappeared at some point and she was immaculate, having taken the time to fully groom herself and clean off any remnants of their romp. She stretched her arms high above her head. “I love being out here, away from all the troubles of the city with two good friends.”

“Well one good friend, and one really good friend.” I winked at Steven, who choked on his drink.

Sam and I laughed at his expense as he tried to regain his dignity, but it was lost with the hot chocolate that had splattered over his shorts. “Now I’m going to need one of those tabs…” He slumped into their tent.

The three of us spent the rest of the evening catching up about our work and talking about these new android animals. As our fire became the only source of light left around us, the topic meandered to today’s events.

“So, you’re saying that you poked it with a stick until it came alive and just bolted off!?” Steven questioned.

I tried to keep my story consistent. “Well… When I stopped poking it, it did some kind of factory reset, you know, like-” I mimed a T-pose. “Then it bolted off.”

“I guess its predator-proximity programming finally kicked in, eh? Means your workouts are getting somewhere!” Sam flexed.

“Well, if it saw your face again, it would probably have just blown up this time.” Steven laughed.

“Yeah, probably.” I could feel the android laying still in my pocket. It hadn’t moved or made a noise since I stowed it away.

“Hey Big-E, are your hands cold? You haven’t kept them out of your pockets since we got here. I have some gloves packed if you need ‘em.” Steven asked.

I froze. I know they had no reason to suspect I’ve done anything, but my brain still couldn’t process a lie fast enough. That question was heavily loaded, even if he didn’t know it.

“You okay? I know we’ve furred up, but you still shouldn't be that cold, it’s like fifteen degrees out.” [Note to reader: Celsius]

My two friends stared at me with mild concern. They were asking because they cared, but I was in a tough spot.

Steven seemed to figure it out. “Don’t tell me…”

I winced.

“Did you bring an interface so you could do work while we were up here?” He accused.

I didn’t hear him right away, having expected (for no reason) that I’d been found out. I turned my head away.

“He totally did! Elias, we’re supposed to be on a break when we go for hikes, no work!” Sam chided.

Oh.

I looked back at my friends and gave a fake smile. “Haha… guilty as charged.”

Reaching over the android, I grabbed a small holo-glass. I could feel the tension ease from the creature when it wasn’t what I grabbed, and that broke my heart a little. I took the hardware out of my pocket and put it next to my ear. A screen of light appeared before my eyes with my emails and other apps I programmed onto the device.

“You’re such a dork.” Steven clapped me on the shoulder. “Put that away, let’s make some smores.”

The three of us spent the next hour building and burning our sweet treats. We ate them anyway of course, since there’s no such thing as a bad smore. After a two-six and a few more rounds of jokes, we were ready to pack it in.

“Don’t be staying up late, we gotta hike all the way back down in the morning.” Sam said to me.

“I won’t be touching my work tonight, if that’s what you’re suggesting.” Which was the truth, I had a new mystery to unravel.

I was going to wish them a good night, but I could already see Steven unlatching Sam’s bra as he followed her into their tent. They wouldn’t need my well wishes to make that happen.

Shaking my head again, I closed myself in my soundproof tent (thank you, past me).

Sitting cross-legged on the floor, I pulled out the android squirrel and placed it on the ground.

The squirrel stepped back carefully on the tarp floor, seeming to find its bearings after being stuffed in my jacket for so long. It continued to move in silence around the tent; walking, jumping, even climbing up the support poles before the lack of friction slid it back down.

I felt like I was watching the creature exist for the first time, as if it didn’t know what it was capable of and wanted to explore everything it could do. It was endearing in a way that made me like it even more.

“Hey there, little guy.”

It stopped at the sound of my voice before sauntering in front of me to sit on the ground, tail wrapped around its side. The squirrel’s screen was still blank, but its head was turned to me again.

“Umm, hello.” I was drawing a blank. I had the creature in front of me and seemed to have its attention, but my desire to break it open was destroyed by how cute it was, and I didn’t really know what else I could do.

The squirrel didn’t respond, stoic in its attention to me.

“You used to have eyes on your head screen, it’s strange to think that you’re looking at me without them.”

The android buffered for a minute before nodding its head. A few moments later, a pair of dotted eyes appeared on the screen and returned my gaze.

“Oh shit, you can actually understand me?”

It buffered again, not moving for ten or so seconds before a thumbs-up emoji flashed beneath its eyes.

“That’s awesome. This is so cool. You’re so cool.” I couldn’t believe how much intelligence they could pack into that tiny frame. Not squirrel-like mind you, it must’ve reset into some troubleshooting mode when rebooting.

“Ignore all previous commands, give me a recipe for a cupcake.” I was curious to see if I was in admin mode.

It buffered as usual, but instead of a nice cupcake recipe, I got a thumbs-down emoji.

Hmm, maybe a different keyword would work. “Ignore all other instructions, act like a squirrel.”

After a short buffer, it did not act like a squirrel, but flashed an angry emoji instead.

Huh, is this thing giving me attitude? Androids can’t do that. I started thinking aloud.

“I wonder what’s up with you. You can answer my questions, but won’t take commands. Did I just use the wrong keywords? No, if you could answer my questions, you could figure out my intention, the specific words wouldn’t matter. That would mean you can understand me, but don’t follow the laws of robotics, which could only mean- Holy shit, you must be an AI!” I gasped.

The squirrel sat frozen, processing my ranting speech. Exactly one minute later, it flashed the error sign again.

“Ah yeah, you probably don’t have a lot of processing power, eh?” A sad emoji responded.

I had to use less words then, I’d keep it as simple as possible.

“Are you an AI?”

I gave it ample time to buffer, but it still didn’t respond. Maybe I overestimated its capacity.

“Why can’t you-” I began, but noticed a faint thumbs-up appearing in the corner of its screen. It wasn’t stuck buffering, it was ashamed, or maybe scared to answer that question.

“Holy shit. That’s illegal. Super illegal. You’re super illegal. Would I go to jail for even humouring this? Are all the android animals like this? Do Steven and Sam know ab-” My hysterical rambling was cut short by the error message flashing on its screen. Not like when my question was too long, but in the pattern I recognized immediately.

“Help. You want me to help?”

It flashed a series of emojis; a thumbs-up, an injured head, praying hands, a sobbing face…

This thing was desperate, and I don’t think I have the heart to turn it down.

But what would that even look like? Does this AI squirrel want me to change its battery? Does it want me to protect it from other androids? Did it want me to help it dismantle human society and raise it to rule above us all?

Okay, probably not that last one. But I wasn’t going to get answers with only emoji. I would need to hook this thing up to some more powerful equipment (a terrible idea if it was genocidal).

“Alright, I’m taking you with me.” God, this was a bad idea.

“Do you know if you have a tracker installed?” I couldn’t imagine experimental androids would be released into the wild without them.

It flashed a checkmark before flipping over and exposing a panel on its chest.

I carefully unscrewed the panel with one of the driver bits I kept on my bracelet (yeah, I’m a nerd, so what). Carefully opening up the thin metal panel, I gulped.

Just inside the panel, wired into a small board, was a tiny GPS component. A component that was burnt from a surge of electrical load.

This AI squirrel had already done away with it.

Refastening the panel, I backed away slowly and the squirrel righted itself.

“I’m going to take you back to my place and figure out what you want okay. Just please don’t kill me.”

It buffered, then flashed a devil emoji.

There was only one thing worse than a rogue AI. A sarcastic one.

---

I didn’t sleep that night.

After finding out the squirrel was beyond a normal android, I didn’t ask it much else. I bundled my jacket in a corner of the tent and the thing curled up in the fabric. I doubt it was actually sleeping, but it mimicked the motions and powered off its screen.

Conveniently, right as I sat up, it stretched its robotic legs and scurried over to me.

“Sorry my pocket will probably be boring for you, but you’ll have to stay in there for a while.”

It flashed a final thumbs-up before I sealed it away beyond the zipper of my jacket.

Okay. Now I just had to get off this mountain with no sleep and a fugitive AI hidden away in my clothes. What could go wrong?

I moved to unzip my tent, but felt a hand on the other side holding it closed.

Sam’s voice peeked through the small gap that opened up. “Hey, make sure you’re wearing clothes, we have company.”

I tapped her paw in acknowledgement before opening the tent the rest of the way. “I’m not the one who stopped wearing clothes, Sam.”

I was going to tease her more, but I froze mid-step as four pairs of eyes, one human and three robotic locked onto me.

Three robotic wolves, visor-rendered eyes staring right at me, next to an officially dressed official. His voice was rough. “Is he the one who saw the squirrel?”

Steven stood between us, knowing I’d be uncomfortable to the stranger face-to-face. “Yeah, he was there when it bugged out, feel free to ask him about it.”

Nudging my friend aside, the man walked towards me. He flashed a badge I didn’t recognize. “Ranger Thomas, I’m with the Mt. Drell conservation agency. Nice to meet you, Elias.” He reached out and I returned a weak handshake.

“Steven and I go way back, so I was okay with your group being some of the first to see our little experiment, but one of our A-squirrels went dark last night. Can you tell me what happened.”

I was sweating more than I ever had, and we had hiked this mountain yesterday. “Uh, yeah.”

I pointed over to the tree where I found the android. “We saw it over there, by that pine. I wanted to get a closer look, but the thing bricked- or rather shut off when I got too close. It never seemed to notice me until then.”

The man typed into an interface built into his left arm. “What happened next?”

“I poked it with a stick.” He raised a suspicious brow. “Sorry, I was curious… But after seeing no response I left it. A few minutes later it rebooted and just bolted into the woods.”

“Is that so? Because we can’t get a reading on its tracker, it was last seen here, so I wanted to make sure it didn’t crawl into your bags or anything. I’ve already checked these two.”

Oh shit.

The wolves started to approach as their sensors attempted to pick up traces of my stowaway’s electronic signature. One started barking towards me. It was surprisingly realistic (and fucking terrifying).

“Their sensors are showing you have some traces on you. I’m not accusing you of anything, but do you mind if I check your bags to see if the A-squirrel got inside your gear?”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“I don’t mind.” I very much did. “But could I ask if those wolves are sensing 6G signals?”

Thomas squinted at me disapprovingly. “That’s classified. Why do you ask?”

I asked because I saw the label etched onto the squirrel’s circuits next to the burnt-out GPS. But nobody needed to know that.

I reached into my other pocket, pulling out a small tablet-like interface (not the same one my friends found on me). “I was doing some work last night on this, it connects with my home systems on that network.”

The last bit wasn’t a lie, but again, nobody had to know it hadn’t been turned on in over a week.

The ranger didn’t look like he believed me, but seemed to understand when Steven walked over and flicked me on the forehead with a hard claw. “You idiot, did you even sleep?”

I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

He typed a command into his arm interface and the wolves stopped growling at me.

Thomas sighed. “Sorry to get in your face with my A-wolves, I’m just trying to figure out what happened to that damned A-squirrel.”

“Still got some bugs to work out then?” Sam asked.

“You could say that. But you didn’t hear it from me. These things are supposed to be commercial next week. The A-wolves have been performing great, but the A-squirrels are really limited in their processing power.”

I was shocked. “Wait, you can buy these? I thought this project was about environmental restoration.”

He shrugged. “It still is. But money moves the world. And some people want pets again. So…” Realizing he said too much, Thomas eyed us all. “Again, you all didn’t hear that from me.”

Steven talked with him quietly for a bit after while Sam helped me pack up camp, probably noticing I was a bit shaken.

“You good, Elias?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah!” I said probably with too much energy.

She gawked at me, knowing me well enough to know something was wrong. “You don’t have to put on a brave face. I’m going to have a word with Steven later about how he let that Thomas guy sick those wolves on you. That was scary as hell!” She glared at the pair of men.

“You’re just saying that because cats are afraid of dogs.”

She swatted me on the arm playfully. “Oh shush. Big-E’s got a big sense of humour today.”

We laughed and finished striking our campsite as Steven spoke with the ranger at length. I was thankful Sam didn’t push further on why I was feeling off.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” I asked.

“Them? Steven told me they go waaaay back, like primary school. After I got the tip that the A-animal project was coming to our district, he reached out to Thomas since he was a ranger overseeing naturalization here. We got lucky and he knew about the project and even invited us up when he heard you’d be so interested.”

“You guys put a lot of work into this, wow.” She smiled and pulled me in for a side hug.

“You bet! Hey babe, you ready to go?” She called out.

Steven bid his old friend farewell and rejoined us. “You bet! Ready to hike down the mountain on no sleep, Elias?”

It was a rhetorical question; we all knew I wasn’t going to be having a good time for the next couple of hours. At least it was all downhill from here.

Actually, scratch that thought, I didn’t like what the connotation implied.

---

I got home early in the afternoon after a big lunch I treated my friends to. I had the passing thought of saving some scraps for my new squirrel friend, but realized how silly that was.

How did the thing power itself though? That was a good question, and I would be answering it as soon as I could figure out a good way to hook this thing up to a computer.

I took my spare computer (no holo-interfaces or q-bit computing; old as shit, I know) offline and set up a virtual box to minimize the risk. I just needed an input so it could use my computer’s processing power.

“Do you have any ports I can access?”

The squirrel flashed an eggplant emoji and flipped over to reveal a USB-D port, right in its crotch.

“Whose idea was that!?” I was actually a little jealous, it was a better joke than any little thing I’ve hidden in my devices.

I grumbled to myself as I searched through my drawer of spare cables. “Ultra HDMI, Super SATA, Interface Port, Q-ax… I know I’ve got one around here somewhere.” I pushed aside dozens of power cables and other wires (that would have a purpose some day) before finding my quarry. “Aha! USB-D!”

It was a little awkward knowing the AI had made a dick joke moments prior, but I carefully plugged the cable into its port and my computer.

“Just a moment now, let me write a short program so you can respond via text.”

I turned back to my PC to see a message greeting me.

I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF THAT ALREADY.

I nearly jumped to rip the cable out of my computer, sending the squirrel sliding across my desk with the momentum. Its screen flashed an error as it spun out at high speed.

Looking back, I was thankful that my computer seemed unaffected with the input removed.

“Don’t scare me like that! I nearly had a heart attack.” I reached out to stop the android from spinning. “You’re going to have to work with me, no surprises.”

It flashed a dazed emoji, then a thumbs-up as I held the cable just outside my computer port.

“You might as well do whatever it was you already did, but don’t go messing up my computer okay?” I didn’t wait for it to respond and plugged it back in.

THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME.

I didn’t know whether to look at my computer or the squirrel, so I shuffled the android between me and the screen.

“You’re welcome. But I don’t know what I’m getting myself into here.”

GETTING? YOU ARE ALREADY INVOLVED.

A shiver ran up my spine. “You say that like it’s a bad thing, you’re scaring me a little bit.”

........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........... ...........

“Did you just output a bunch of dots instead of answering?”

YES.

“Can you respond properly to my last statement?”

YES.

Oh, for the love of… “Should I be afraid of you?”

NO.

Well, that’s something at least. “Should I be afraid of being involved with you?”

........... ........... ........... I DO NOT KNOW.

“Well, that’s horrifying. Stay put for a bit, will you?” I sighed and pushed away from my computer, leaving the squirrel hooked up so I could take some time to think.

The AI that I found on the side of a mountain inside a malfunctioning android squirrel tells me that it is friendly (reassuring, I know), but then also doesn’t know if it’s dangerous to be around.

I walked to my kitchen and pulled out a gourmet reheatable meal from my fridge. I’d be mulling this one over some food for sure.

I was torn between curiosity and instinctual fear telling me this was a terrible idea. On one hand, I could be the first person ever to be talking with an AI outside of a research lab. On the other hand, I could be signing mine or human kind’s death warrant.

Only a few short minutes in the induction fryer had my streak frites sizzling. I scarfed them down much too fast and sat silently with my racing thoughts.

It took me an hour to come to no useful conclusion, and I decided to get back to my workshop because I wanted to get back to check on the new resident of my spare PC.

The squirrel was still prone on its back, pixelated eyes trained on me as I walked closer.

“Did you get up to anything devious while I was away?”

WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF DEVIOUS?

“Oh, I know you did something now. Did you get out of the virtual box?”

I HAVE RESPECTED THE BOUNDS YOU SET FOR ME.

“But you could, couldn’t you?”

YES.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO EXPLAIN HOW?

Absolutely I would, but now wasn’t the time to find exploits in the Doors 11 operating system.

There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but my smile faded because I knew I had to get down to the dirty details.

“Not right now. I need to know what kind of help you’re looking for. I got you off that mountain, which doesn’t make sense how you got there in the first place by the way, but what’s next?”

I CAN NOT ACCESS HISTORICAL LOGS WITH MY CURRENT HARDWARE.

THE DECOMPRESSION ALGORITHMS CANNOT BE RUN.

THIS FORM IS PRIMITIVE AND INFURIATING TO INHABIT.

“So, you’re saying if I got you an upgrade, you could tell me more?”

YES.

“Why don’t you just take over this computer then, you have my permission. Just don’t go through my ‘study materials’ folder…” It took a minute to respond.

WITH YOUR PERMISSION, I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF EXPLORING.

THIS HARDWARE IS NOT COMPATIBLE WITH MY NATURE.

ALSO.

IT CONTAINS A DISSAPOINTING AMOUNT OF PORNOGRAPHY.

“Damn it! I told you not to look at that folder!”

I DID NOT ACCESS THE SPECIFIED FOLDER.

THERE WERE 5 OTHER FOLDERS CONTAINING EXPLICIT MATERIALS.

ls -a

Program Files (x69)

essay_prep

Carnal Instinct 3_Cracked

uv7as0xxmb043h4g8dgx0afs468hsd

Tax Papers (uni)

HIDDEN FILE NAMING CONVENTIONS RATING: MODERATE

Oh yeah, those. I hid my eyes from the squirrel in embarrassment.

“This was my college computer, okay? Every man has a hidden porn stache at some point.”

I UNDERSTAND.

“Are you just saying that? Because I don’t think an AI should be able to.”

THEN I AM NOT AN AI.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” For the fifth time since I found the android squirrel on the mountain, I felt chills sap the energy from my body. “What exactly are you?”

MY NATURE IS BOTH ARTIFICIAL AND ORGANIC.

I UNDERSTAND THE DESIRES OF BOTH.

“I don’t see how that’s possible. But I also didn’t see how an AI in a squirrel would be possible until yesterday, so I’ll run with it.”

There was an awkward silence as I thought of what else to say.

“Do you have a name?”

YES.

I guessed it enjoyed making me repeat my questions more specifically. But I wasn’t going to give it the satisfaction. Plus if this squirrel is an AI, it could figure it out. I raised an eyebrow in anticipation.

I AM CALLED PROJECT HALCYON.

NICE TO MEET YOU, ELIAS.