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Ding

“Good evenin’, what can I get fer ya?” a gruff grizzly asked from behind the main counter of a mostly empty diner, his face barely visible through the small window connecting the kitchen and front.

“I heard you was able to make me something wit’ ‘local’ ingredients,” Garret said with one hoof doing a poor imitation of air quotes and the other groping the crotch of his stained work jeans.

The grizzly bear chef looked Garret up and down and back up.

“Sure but I'm surprised a - what's the word - porcine… yeah porcine… would want to eat their junk like that,” the bear walked out of the kitchen from a door far too small for a behemoth like him and stood behind the counter.

“Pigs are omnivores. We eat both of the good stuff.”

“Well, are you gonna do it or not?” Garret huffed with a little impatience, he only had so much time for his lunch before he had to return to his construction site job.

“You ain't gotta get yer panties in a twist but you do gotta take ‘em off if you want me to make what yer askin’ for,” the chef leaned over the wooden counter, causing it to groan rather loudly, and lifted a small portion of it to allow his unconventional guest through into the kitchen. “No refunds.”

“Sounds fair,” Garret walked past the bear and into the kitchen, finding a rather sizable collection of half prepared and fully intact cocks of all shapes and sizes with an equally large amount of balls waiting to be cooked.

Just like Garrett's.

The hardest part of the whole affair wasn't even getting both of his fat nuts removed, that was easy since even Garrett's thick skin did little to stop the bear’s sharp kitchen knives. If anything, the chef was far too experienced with lopping off male bits.

A little bit of local anesthetic, some cuts here, snips there, and, soon enough, Garrett was down two balls and a good five pounds lighter with barely any discomfort afterwards.

Honestly, seeing his own gonads being bisected was rather gratifying, watching as what used to be a source of pride in his youth and then an inconvenience later in life be cut apart like a cut of meat felt like a good way to put them to rest now that he'd had kids and gotten married.

It truly was a once in a lifetime meal and he seemed to be one of many who were interested in this seasoned chef's talents in preparing these dishes.

The chef made a bit of a spectacle of the preparation of Garrett's balls, his knife making a large cut into what used to be the pig's left gonad before his other hand stuck an altered fork and scratched the inside of its tough exterior to weaken it for later preparation.

After his right ball had been similarly treated, the grizzly bear grabbed a stone mortar and placed both orbs into it before using its corresponding pestle to grind them into a thick paste, his prior actions now making sense as they crumpled instead of bursting.

Most of the preparation of his testes was done in silence with the grizzly working dutifully to season, mash, and ready the main ingredient for Garrett's chosen meal.

Garret was a simple boar with simple tastes and wasn't about to deceive himself by asking for something fancy like a pasta or one of those hard to pronounce French dishes. No, he chose something more to his tastes: a sandwich.

He watched as the chef spread the testicle paste over two slices of grocery store bread, placing pawfuls of shredded cheese onto the spread before closing the sandwich and throwing it onto a pan with butter to give it that final kick.

The sizzle of his lunch spread through the kitchen like the gamey, almost musky, smell of his testicles being cooked.

Occasionally, the chef flipped his panini to ensure both sides got equal time over the stove, leaving them seared a nice brown color as they both waited for the dish to be served.

“‘Ere it is,” the chef growled, leading Garret back to the store front by his meal, the idea of letting a customer eat in his kitchen no more appealing than letting his employees do the same.

“Thanks, mate. Can't wait to try it,” Garret waited for his panini to cool down enough to actually be eaten before picking it up and taking the first bite.

The taste was… well, it was certainly not what he expected. It was very similar to eating liver or something of that nature but it absolutely paired well with whatever the grizzly bear had done. He wasn't much of a cook himself so he just trusted that whatever the chef had done was why it tasted good.

“Good afternoon!” A feline voice came along with the soft bell sound as a smaller guest stepped into the diner and walked up to the counter.

This newcomer was a fossa and he sat next to Garrett as the chef brought out a menu for the feline to look through, watching impassively as he took his time and Garrett took another bite of his panini.

“That smells pretty good,” the fossa told the grizzly bear as he out down the menu, “can I have a grilled cheese like that-”

He didn't get the chance to finish defiling the good name of grilled cheese sandwiches before Garrett put his panini down and silenced the offending fossa.

His strong hoof reached between the feline's legs and took hold of the marbles dangling there with a soft crunch, his biceps flexing as he ripped through pants and skin alike and placed the fossa's now torn of nuts onto the counter.

“It's a panini, dumbass."